Shadow of a Doubt
by Nostalgicmiss
Summary: Renesmee Cullens life is perfect. She has an immortal family, a boyfriend that imprinted on her, and a human best friend. When a mysterious new student shows up things start spiraling out of control. Can Nessie keep control? or will her world crash & Burn
1. Prologue

Prologue

Knowing what I was made me certain of the future.

Here though, standing across the small space from her as she held his life in her hands didn't change anything.

I wasn't a killer, but my actions were going to kill him. The plan was in motion. Nothing was going to save him.

Standing downwind as her teeth brushed against his neck, stopped my fluttering heart. I fought the urge to pounce as my instincts took control. My mind screamed at me as the crimson liquid trickled from him.


	2. Chapter 1: In My Place

_**All Things from the Twilight universe blong to the Awesomely Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

**Just a quick note before I let the Chapter roll. This isn't how the story will be told. This chapter is written in the past tense because it's catching up what we've missed to the point where the story starts. I hope you enjoy it. **

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Chapter 1: In My Place**

My name is Renesmee Carlie Cullen, I am almost nine years old in age alone, but my body and mind have developed in an accelerated pattern. I was fully matured at seven years old. It is all circumstantial to what I am.

I'm a half breed, half-vampire, half-human. My mother was human at the time of my conception and my father was a vampire, and had been for almost a century. My father lived with a coven of vampires. One of them was his creator, my grandfather, Carlisle. There were seven of them. They lived comfortably in their companionship. Carlisle and his wife Esme lived with and looked over their adopted family; Edward (my father), Rosalie and Emmett, and Alice and Jasper.

They kept to themselves and the younger family members attended school, so they could live in one place for an extended amount of time. They didn't interact much with humans; that was until my mother came along. My father thirsted for her blood above all others, but miraculously he abstained. Consequentially, they fell in love.

Their love had been an anomaly. Something neither of them had expected, but no matter how strange or inconceivable it seemed it was the purest of loves. It was as though destiny had designed them specifically for one another.

They married in the summer before my mother's nineteenth birthday. She had already made the decision to sacrifice her humanity to become an equal to my father, and marriage was the one condition he had in order to change her. She often told me how she had fought against the silly demand, but I could see the happiness that surrounded her when she pulled out the human memories she had of that day. Her descriptions were always like a fairy-tale, almost untouchable.

I was conceived on the honeymoon and came as a great surprise to both of my parents. I grew in my mother's womb as quickly as I grew once I was out of it. It wasn't until later that we understood why.

I had an instant connection with my mother. She was the first to admit that. She often tells me it was love at first nudge, to which I roll my eyes and laugh. Our relationship was easy and natural; we were so similar in so many ways. She was a friend, mother, and confidant. She still had her human memories which helped me with that part of myself; yet she had also been a vampire for nine years so she could also relate to that side of me. She was perfect in every way and I had her forever.

I had to win my father over, whilst I was in her womb. I was making my mother weak, almost to the point of killing us both. I pulled all of her body's natural resources from her, and he wasn't sure what was growing inside of her. I never bring that up around him because it would be too painful, but Rosalie, my aunt, would talk to me about it. She never holds much back.

I finally won his affection when he heard the thoughts running through my mind inside my mother's womb. I asked him once what I had been thinking. He told me that the first thought I had was adoration for my mother because she was fighting nature itself to keep me alive, and not once did she give up. My second thought was about the wondrous sound of my father's voice- velveteen and silk. He made me feel safe. I didn't bring it up again because there was pain mingled in with that time, but also because my mind held onto it like a life line. It was my first memory really, murky in my own mind, but renewed by his words, I kept it safe.

My birth brought with it my mother's death. She was in some form alive now, but her human life ended the day I was born. That was my first clear memory; the beauty of her human face as her life force ebbed away. She was more beautiful than any imagination could conjure and it strengthened the love I had for her- made it unbreakable. It was the first bond forged between us.

I was ripped away from her smiling face quickly because of the one thing I hadn't learnt. She was fragile as a human. I had bitten her, taking away the last of her human light. It hadn't been my intention, it was merely my instincts. Her blood smelled so sweet, and it had been my only sustenance for the duration of my gestation in her body. I hadn't known the consequences of my actions.

I never told my family I remembered that, not even in my touches. It was too hard for me to admit, especially as she did die that day. She died, almost lost for good. Her heart stopped and all seemed lost. It was my father's vigilance that saved her though. He never gave up because he wouldn't accept life without her.

I had been taken from the room by Rosalie, she cooed over me on the couch feeding me the one thing I craved . . . blood. She was playing with me, keeping me entertained, when I felt the presence that had changed my life. It was something else that had affected me in my mother's womb, a wet pounding heartbeat. But it hadn't been constant then. Yet, I could feel my excitement when it was close, there was a draw to it, but it was always mingled in confusion. That was until that moment in Rosalie's arms, because from that moment, there was no confusion.

My mind was mature and highly developed for a new born child, but I knew this presence was important to me, I knew it was what had called to me. It was Jacob. He stood looking like a raging bull seeing red. His body quivered almost blurring his lines, but I remember knowing that he was safe to me despite the anger that shook him. I also knew that I needed him in some irrational way.

When his eyes saw me for the first time his shaking calmed, the murderous look softened into adoration, and a small smile crossed over his lips. It was like the dawning of a new day, when the red rays of the sun hit the horizon ready to warm the air around you, bringing light to the darkness that had encompassed you. It was our futures intertwining.

I barely remember the fight that ensued after his dawn. Rosalie had been furious. She kept me away from him with a ferocity that could have had Emmett running for cover. Her amber eyes were narrowed into slits as she held me to her, her words came in one long string of hissing. I was confused, I remember that because all I wanted to do was touch him. Subconsciously, I knew I would feel safe and happy; that his skin would be warm. That he would entertain me.

It took a while for everything to settle down after that. I was passed around to everyone but my parents. My father left my mother's side only once because of the outrageous amount of noise that seemed to fill the air around me. It was mostly Jacob and Rosalie, shouting about impossibilities. The word imprint was used abundantly as well. My eyes had been on my father as soon as he'd entered the room. There was a tired sadness about him as he scanned the small world of chaos.

He'd held me then, wrapped me tightly in his embrace. His cheek laid gently on the top of my head as he listened to Rosalie and Jacob shouting their sides of the argument. I could feel his frustration, his breaths were released in small sighs, and I knew his mind was somewhere else.

My father was affectionate, but I knew the draw he had with my mother. I knew his need to be there, so I _showed_ him I wanted to be by her side too. Then there was a moment of complete pandemonium after that. The argument took a back seat as all of the family flocked to me, faces full of wonder. It seemed as though me showing them my emotions excited them, so I showed everyone, but Jacob. Rosalie wouldn't let him close enough. I showed them that I wanted to see my mother.

My father had obliged me, taking me with him to see my mother. He explained to me that I couldn't touch her because she was in so much pain, but that she would be alright. She would hold me soon.

Alice, my other aunt, came with us. She grinned at me constantly. I liked her smile, so I showed her placing my palms against her snow white cheeks. It just made her smile even wider.

I didn't spend long in the room with my mother. Her pain made her eyelids flutter, and her lips twitch. I could already see the differences in her, but couldn't understand why. I showed my father the first image I had, then this new one. His eyes were pained as he saw the image through my mind. When he didn't answer, I showed Alice.

She took me from the room. I had wanted to stay but I knew, somehow, this was necessary. She was the one who explained what was happening to my mother, explained that she was gaining immortality so she could live forever. Alice was also the first person to place me in Jacob's arms.

The arguments appeared to stop and my family calmed down after that. I touched Jacob's face gently, showing him what had been running through my mind. His eyes widened and his smile broadened at my touch, it was all so natural. The heat of his skin was comforting to me, and as the images ran out I fell asleep. That was the first time I slept in this bizarre world.

The three days felt like a drawn out process. All I had longed for was my mother, and she was temporarily out of commission. The rest of the family took it upon themselves to entertain me. Each of them seemed to exhaust their resources. I hadn't known at the time, but I had been the first child they had interacted with in almost eighty years, all except Carlisle, of course, who was, and still is a doctor.

Emmett, my uncle, had caught a rabbit in the forest, and decided it would be fun to let it loose in the house. Esme hadn't found that so entertaining, and neither had Rosalie. Jasper, my Aunt Alice's husband, took it upon himself to make me laugh. His bizarre gift of manipulating emotions could cause havoc within the small gathering. Alice and Rosalie constantly changed my clothes and took pictures. Alice had explained it was for my mom so I let myself enjoy the attention.

Carlisle and Esme would challenge me; it was almost as though they were testing my limitations. I was given toys to play with; at least I had thought they were toys. I learnt later that they were testing how much of me was human, and how much of me was vampire.

But my favorite was Jacob. It was always a simple game like peek-a-boo or this little piggy, but it was entertaining because it was so sincere. He'd wanted to entertain me, and not just because it was necessary. His company put me at ease, and of course, he would let me bite him.

Three days later, my mother was reborn as an immortal vampire. Her human beauty was nothing to her vampire beauty. Her porcelain skin was now snowy white and perfect. Her once brown eyes, now my eyes, became red. The exceptional change was the enhancements to her natural beauty. She wasn't changed completely, just modified to perfection. That was the only word to describe her: perfect, flawless. My mother.

When she finally regained consciousness, everyone seemed to get nervous. They took her out of the house to hunt. Jacob felt it necessary to always be within reach of me. It had been confusing. My mental development had been that of a two year old, not to mention the fact that I gained the vampire trait of perfect recall. So everything I had learnt told me that something was wrong. She was shuffled out of the house through Carlisle's, window. I longed for her to come to me, but I was patient. I just hadn't known that she was as new to all of this as I was.

When she finally came home, Jacob disappeared from the house to what I thought was greet them, but I couldn't be sure. I was wrapped in Rosalie's arms, completely confused at the tension that seemed to surround us all. I could hear the conversation outside, Jacob was testing her. I touched Rosalie's face looping pictures of my mom, dad and Jacob.

She had comforted me explaining that Jacob was just an "over protective mongrel". I hated when she used derogatory names like that for Jacob, but it seemed as though she had been doing it too long to change now.

Time felt as though it had stood still as I waited for my mother to come and pay attention to me, but when she did the tension in the room became palpable. There were at least four people standing between us, trying to keep her at a distance from me. Jacob stood directly in front of us, blocking my view of the one person in the world I _wanted_ to see. I strained in Rosalie's arms to look around him, but Jasper stood rigidly in front of her, as though he refused to let her pass.

Frustrated, I turned in Rosalie's hands and pressed my hand to her cheek, throwing every image I had of my mother through my palms and into her mind.

She seemed to know what I wanted, and I knew that I was one step closer to getting to my mother. There was so much talking, but I couldn't keep my eyes from her. She took a step forward but was greeted by a wall of vampires. The only one apparently unfazed was Alice. Finally, they let her through. I remember reaching for her, willing her to move quickly. Then, I was in her arms and I knew, without a doubt that this was the nagging that had been plaguing me since I had been born. I had needed my mother.

She cradled me in her arms gently, and I wanted her to know as much about me as I had learnt about her. I placed my hand on her cheek and began showing her everything I had seen. When I tried to show her my meals I was snatched from her arms leaving us both startled. I hadn't noticed that everyone was still so nervous. My dad had laughed and tapped the end of my nose before placing me back in my mother's arms, a look of pride filling his features as he smiled at her.

Then Jacob's tentativeness got in the way, I could see the anger swelling inside of my mother as he became steadily more nervous. Then something changed, my mother handed me to Rosalie before pushing Jacob outside. Her words came in spurts and growls as she charged at him. Her crimson eyes were on fire as she shouted about imprinting, and then she pounced. It all happened so quickly.

My dad dived from the porch in a blur, and Seth, who was in his wolf form, dived in between my mom and Jacob. A sickening crunch echoed in the air around us, but I could feel nothing but relief at the safety of Jacob.

The tension depleted after that, my mom's remorse was evident as she attended to Seth. Carlisle and Jacob had him turn back into his human self so his wounds could be treated. I was kept outside for a while as they made amends, then it was time for the horrible measuring I had been subjected to since my birth. I loathed being measured, it wasn't because of the lying straight or the silly tape measure, it was because it made me feel different, abnormal. I had nothing to compare it to, but I could tell from the worried eyes of my family that something wasn't right. As soon as the tape measure disappeared, however, I felt I could be normal again, and not some specimen in a Petri dish.

After that, things began to fall into a routine. There was no tension, just communication. Everyone seemed more receptive to Jacob's presence. The measuring continued, and life became a steady stream of the same faces; filled with laughter, smiles, and pure happiness.

Mom got to be with her father, Charlie. He and his friend Sue would often visit us, and it made me happy. My father had warned me that they were also fragile humans, so I focused on not becoming tempted by their blood.

I had learnt to walk, I could talk when I wanted to and I was still growing at an accelerated speed. Measuring seemed to be the time my mom's concern became strongest. Small tight lines would appear by her eyes and her jaw would tense. She would force a smile to appease me, but I always knew when she was upset. Other than that, I had a happy childhood. I was with the people I loved, doing the things I loved to do.

It took only one night, to change it all. I had fallen asleep in the living room. It had been full of the people I loved, but I woke to an empty room. Jacob sat quietly next to where I slept on the couch. His head was leaning on his arm that was spread along the couch cushion. I touched his hand gently and his head raised; a small insincere smile passed over his lips. Confused, I pressed my hand against his cheek. He shook his head, his eyes looking down.

I knew something was terribly wrong, and I finally was able to get something from him. He tried to keep it light but his tone was apocalyptic. Alice had gone missing, someone was coming, and whether intended or not, I had caused it all to happen.

After the family returned, without Alice, plans were made; the family was leaving. My parents had been the last to arrive. It was the second scariest day of my life. The one thing that had confused me the most was the disappearance of my Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper. I touched Jacob's face as we watched the family spring into action. He put off answering me as long as he could, but he finally told me the truth; Alice had to go. She couldn't stay with us anymore.

I felt a deep sadness inside me, she hadn't said goodbye. At the time I had made her visions hazy, I knew it and I blamed myself. I never showed anyone my guilt, only my sadness of missing my aunt and uncle, and my fear of the changes that seemed to be occurring. But it ate at me, especially seeing the sadness in my parent's eyes.

Vampires began arriving the very next morning, and I told them my story. Well, the ones that would listen. I listened carefully to their conversations too hoping that I could finally understand why my whole world seemed to be changing. It seemed there were a coven of vampires coming for us, me specifically, because of something that had happened long ago. It was the reason the vampires seemed hesitant about me at first.

It appeared as though our guests were here to help explain my existence. I would sit with Jacob during these conversations and sometimes found myself distracted, but I knew that something was coming. I knew we would stay and wait for them.

Our house began filling with guests, all of them were friendly. My favorite was an Amazon vampire by the name of Zafrina. She would place beautiful pictures in my head. I learned later that they were all pictures from her home. She would walk with me and her sister, Senna, always followed close behind. Even though we were walking next to the river by Carlisle and Esme's house, behind my eyes I was always walking in the rain-forest. Waterfalls fell gently from great heights. The jade canopies hid the warm orange sun above. Vines, trees, and plants I had never seen before mingled together. The pictures were always so beautiful.

I helped with my mom's training one day, but she wasn't happy about that. She was angry at Kate. I was grasping to her back feeling her anger roll off her in waves. Even my dad seemed upset at Kate; his eyes were always on my mother and me. The results were, however, effective. I was never involved again after that, but whatever had transpired had given my mom the information she'd need to make it work. My mom found strength in her shield. My dad was so proud of her. With perfect clarity, I remember the look in his eyes as he smiled at her. It was the same smile I received when I did something well or exceeded his expectations in some way.

That was also the day the Romanians arrived. They were a curious pair, and their papery skin fascinated me. I watched them every chance I was able to. Everybody seemed to stay away from them but I could see the kindness. This kindness only ever appeared when they spoke with me, when no one else was looking. They always answered my questions honestly, although, that was something that didn't enthrall my mom.

There _was_ something coming and it loomed over us like a heavy black cloud. We had a small Christmas at Charlie's house. The gifts I was given that year have never left me since. I had a locket from my parents, an iPod from my dad, and Jacob gave me a beautiful promise bracelet, one that grew with me. It was supposed to be a happy event, but I had been able to feel the tension. Whatever they were waiting for was coming closer, and we were running out of time.

After that it seemed like we were always waiting, I missed Alice terribly but kept it to myself, or only told Jacob because I could see the pain her name brought to my parents and the rest of our family. All of it seemed to be leading up to what was coming. I knew without a doubt that it was my fault. Everything that was happening was because of me. I heard them as they spoke in whispers, they couldn't hide the truth from me with so many vampires around.

It was less than a week after Christmas when things finally seemed to come to a head, everyone became tense. The strange vampire that had been hiding in the attic disappeared, and we were now camping in the clearing. A white coating of snow layered the ground. When I woke up, my mom seemed more upset than usual. She attached a small pack to my back and held me close. She asked me to do something I couldn't understand, but I agreed all the same; knowing it would give her piece of mind. I had a better understanding of what was happing than they thought though. I may have looked three and had only been a couple of months old, but mentally I understood everything. My mind had developed quickly. I was at the mental development of a ten year old.

The enigmatic fear all made perfect sense when I saw the vampires appearing through the trees; their cloaks billowing as they strode forward. I knew, without a hesitation that this is what we had been waiting for. I clung to my mother's back, curiously staring at the strange vampires that were facing us. My father met one of the vampires in the middle. I could see Maggie shifting in place as she listened to the conversation- she had the ability to detect lies. I knew this and kept my eyes on her. Behind us Zafrina and Benjamin stood silently, waiting for something to happen.

The tension had been obvious. It was like a heavy scent filling the air, thick. It almost suffocated as it hung around us. It became almost sickening when the one they called Aro requested that I come forward. His foggy crimson eyes had been staring at me throughout the exchange, and I knew that this would be a turning point for us.

Emmett and Jacob accompanied me and my mother forward. Jacob's presence always gave me a sense of calm, so I was glad of the choice my mother had made.

I showed Aro the story, the same way I had shown everyone else. His skin was like wax paper under my hands, but it was just as solid as my parent's skin. It reminded me of the two Romanians, except their creases didn't run so deep. I knew I didn't trust him, something inside of me shied away from the clouded eyes. There was nothing similar to what I had seen in the strange faces of Vladimir and Stefan.

I remember the reassuring squeeze my father had given me when he felt me tremble. There was always a silent communication between us, and his actions gave me the strength that had been dwindling in the close proximity of the monster I touched.

I had requested what I wanted most then: that we were to be left in peace and no harm would come to us. He had given me a lie as an answer. Maggie had cemented that with the small hiss she exhaled as he spoke his lies. All of us heard it, and I could feel the mood once again shift.

His curiosity then turned to Jacob. I could see his shaggy coat trembling as the vampire insulted him. My father noticed the change at once, and we backed away from the vampires. Jacob stayed, but I couldn't let him stand alone like that so I had pulled his tail so he would know to come with us. His wolf self had never frightened me. I had grown up with it since my birth, so the soft russet fur felt like another kind of home to me.

The Volturi killed Tanya and Kate's sister on the field in front of us. My mother's arms tightened around me as she tried to obscure my view of the horrendous sight. I could hear the quiet moans of pain just beneath the metallic keening of the destruction. As the shock settled into my new family and friends, I knew something was about to happen. That the strange vampires who had come to oppose us were directly provoking us.

So much more happened in that time in the field, but only a couple of things caught my attention through the crippling fear; that was my family and my Jacob. I knew the moment my mother accepted our fate, she explained the only way she could to my father. He buried his handsome face in my hair, whispering in his breath how much he loved me. My mother kissed me before placing me atop Jacob's broad back. She whispered her instructions to him, and I could feel his defeat course through him under me.

My father said goodbye to Jacob before giving me one last look. In that one moment, I could see the pain that filled his golden eyes. It was the moment I knew I could lose my family; that they could be torn from me.

There was so much sadness surrounding us, so many goodbyes. I clasped onto the fur behind Jacob's shoulders, wrapping the strands around my small fingers. It held me together in those moments when I felt as though I was losing everything.

I watched everything transpire from my seat on the large wolf. I saw the goodbyes. I saw the new bonds forming with the fear of loss, and I saw the pain that created a rage in those who had loved Irina. Zafrina's eyes drifted over both Senna and myself as she contemplated what was about to happen. It seemed so unfair knowing that I had made these friends, and now they were being taken away. All to protect me.

My father's eyes had flashed to me upon the thought but there was no anger, only apologies, and love. Always love.

He'd heard the thoughts running through my mind; the self pity, the acceptance of blame. The apologetic look he gave me was not because he believed it was true, but because he was out of time for reassurances. We were all out of time, I'd thought.

When I had finally accepted what was about to happen, our savior burst through like the sun on a cloudy day. The warm feeling of security washed over me as I listened to the words being spoken. I could hear movement in the trees surrounding us and I hadn't been sure what it was, but from my perch on Jacob's back I saw them burst through the trees. It was my aunt Alice, Jasper, and three people I had never laid eyes on.

The three that traveled with my aunt and uncle had warm olive tones that were slightly washed out because of their vampirism. One of the women was tall and lean, exotically beautiful. She seemed familiar and I instantly made the connection, my eyes had turned to Zafrina. Yes, she had the same look about her as the Amazons. Zafrina's face lit up at the sight of the approaching pack, and I understood that this was Kachiri, the friend she had often spoken about to me.

Alice came to a stop by my father and mother. Both of them beamed happily at her, her eyes flickered to me in recognition and my heart took off in my chest. She was here. She was home. Everything felt like it could work out now because our family was once again complete.

The strange but handsome man looked at me cautiously from the corner of his eye. I smiled at him respectfully, somehow knowing he would be the reason we would live. Alice introduced him and his aunt to the Volturi. His aunt was Huilen and he was Nahuel. His skin was smooth and alive; I could hear the beating of his heart. I knew instantly that he was like me; a half-breed.

Huilen described what had happened and how they had come to be. Nahuel explained about his sisters and his father. The Volturi listened. Aro and Marcus seemed patient, but Caius looked angry. The tension surrounding us seemed to fade away as the story concluded. Aro was thoughtful.

Amazingly enough they gave up and they left us alone. My mom pulled me from Jacob's back and littered my face with kisses in her happiness. My dad's arms wrapped around us both, his smile triumphant.

I was still curious though. Nahuel was a mystery to me, and his eyes lingered on me and my mom for a while. When they strayed they never strayed far. Even when we got home and the crowd dwindled to our family, Nahuel, his aunt and Jacob; Nahuel had continued to watch us with curious eyes.

Zafrina had left with her coven after having my mom promise to bring me to see her. She had promised me we would be good friends, and I knew that we would. I hugged her tightly and showed her how sad I was that we were unable to spend more time together. She laughed heartily before promising it wouldn't be long.

After most of the vampires left I fell asleep in my mother's arms. Swirling memories danced around my mind in the form of dreams.

I woke the next morning in my own bed. My mother dressed me and took us back down to the main house, knowing that I would be hungry. Nahuel and Huilen were still at the house. Nahuel was asleep on the couch. It seemed that sleep would always be a part of my life.

When he finally woke, my mother and father spoke with him quietly. They had so many questions for him. Questions about a future that they hadn't known I would have until they met him. He answered them politely with as much knowledge as he could give. His eyes though were always on me.

He and his aunt had stayed with us for a week, and I began enjoying the company of Nahuel. He was friendly and tentative. He asked questions about my mom, my family, my home. I could never answer his questions with words because I didn't know how to describe it. So I would place one hand on his cheek and show him what my life was like.

He never tired of it. Jacob on the other hand, hated the time I spend with Nahuel. He would sit quietly watching us. I became distracted at times and his face would travel through my hands to Nahuel.

From the information he had given my parents, I learned I would fully mature by the age of seven. I would continue to sleep and I would always possess my human qualities. My thirst would become stronger though, but not to the extent of a new born. I would also be sustained by human food. My strength would grow with my body and my vampire qualities would become more prevalent the older I became. He had been a half-vampire longer than my father had been alive.

I had enjoyed the time I had spent with my new friend, but there was something strange about the way he spoke with me. I couldn't understand it at the time; it was all so much to take in.

Before leaving, Nahuel had promised to keep in contact with us as much as he could. He knew I would have questions, and he let me know he would answer them the best way he could.

After that life fell, once again, into a routine. Alice would teach me languages. Rosalie taught me mechanics. Carlisle helped with world history and Jasper with American history. Everyone had something to teach me and my days became full of learning. My mind was like a sponge that could never get enough information. Everything I learnt stuck, and my mind was soon surpassing even my growth.

I hunted with Jacob and my mother more often than not. As I got older, she trusted me more to Jacob's care. Jacob was so constant in my life. He was there when I woke up in the mornings, leaving only when I struggled to keep my eyes open. In some ways, he knew me better than anyone else. He knew what I liked and didn't like, without me having to say a word. He would feel my mood change before I had a chance to express myself, and he always kept me smiling.

Everything was moving quietly along in a pattern, and I was happy. When I turned three years old, my physical development was at ten and a half years old, and my mental development was fully matured. I felt awkward all of the time. Speaking with people that barely knew me was difficult. They spoke to me like I was a ten year old. Although it was never intended to be patronizing, because they believed I was ten, I couldn't help feeling trapped.

That was also the year we moved from Forks. People were beginning to notice that no one in the family aged, or they would comment on how quickly I was growing. So it was decided collectively, that we should move. The family spent weeks debating where we should go. It needed to be close enough for Jacob to be there every day, but far enough not to be noticed by someone who would recognize us.

So we started looking for houses big enough to hold us all. Some of them were still in Washington State, which no one seemed particularly opposed to. So we would visit the houses we were interested in the most. We got caught up in the process, but were finally lucky enough to come across a large plot of acreage being sold by the owner. He just happened to be a wealthy recluse, hiding in the deep forests of Washington State.

It was close to a small town called Darrington, and it was perfect. Snow capped mountains were lining the horizon on every side. The forests were thick, and the property ran along the edge of Mt. Baker National forest. This meant a smorgasbord of hunting opportunities close to home. And the best part of all it was less than two hundred miles from Jacob.

Before Carlisle and Esme bought the property, Jacob did a test run so he could determine how long it would take him to get to me. It took him two hours to get there and back. Which had meant an hour run, give or take a few minutes, flat out, one way.

Driving the way my family drove it took a little under forty-five minutes, but I was sure abiding the speed limits would slow that time considerably. Still it was far enough and remote that no one would recognize us. After Carlisle found a job at the local hospital Esme made a bid, and won of course.

Charlie was upset but he was comforted by how close we would be. He and Sue, Seth and Leah's mother, had gotten married the previous year. His happiness made it easier for my mom to leave because she knew he was in good hands. The wolves would treat him like family, not that he hadn't been before. It just seemed to make the transition easier for everybody.

The house was near perfect. It was large and sprawled out across the clearing that had been made specifically for its construction. The natural light filtered in through the large windows. They were nothing like those of our house in Forks, but they were amazing in their own right. The light was made all the brighter by the snow that reflected light from the mountains.

The house was two stories and had a balcony running across the front half of the building. Each of the bedrooms had en suite bathrooms. That separated the rooms from being on top of one another, not that privacy was an option when you lived in a house full of vampires.

Esme began restorations immediately, determined to make it our home. My room had been the first. I was in the eastern most corner at the front of the house. A large glass sliding door opened to the balcony, but my favorite part of the room was the window seat that was sunken into the western window. Built into one of the walls that housed it was a bookshelf. It was barely noticeable other than when you sat in the window seat. The closet and bathroom doors were on the eastern wall, which left only one wall for the bed.

Esme found her inspiration in my growth. She wanted the room to reflect my personality, but she also wanted it to be comfortable when I fully matured. It had taken her a little under a month to finish. She had ordered furniture from across the globe, and as much as she had paid they couldn't physically ship it fast enough. So I inhabited the guest room.

The big reveal had been exciting, and I was astonished at how well my grandmother knew me. The contemporary style was exquisite; the colors, the symmetry. Everything was better than I could have ever done it. She had even gone as far as to decorate my bathroom in the same fashion. I had walked around the room running my hands across the surfaces, picked up the small trinkets that reflected me and my hobbies. And the window seat was made into a small comfortable haven that I could lose myself in when I practiced my favorite form of escapism, reading.

I was hooked after that. The rest of the family had enrolled in high school again, much to the annoyance of Rosalie. But she was appeased when a compromise was made. She and Emmett would enroll as seniors, while everybody else would enroll as juniors. My development was still too conspicuous to be included in the school system, so I was left at home with Esme. I followed her around helping with the restoration as much as I could in my limiting physical development. She entertained me by explaining everything she was doing. She gave me smaller tasks like ordering furniture online, painting the baseboards, arranging the swatches. I was happy, especially when Esme commented on my talent and eye for design.

Esme encouraged my further education, and helped me enroll in an online college. I did all of the courses online, and was graded accordingly. My thirst for knowledge was insatiable.

With so many hours in the day, I finished the two year course in only one, and I grew restless. Jacob of course was with me every day, and was (though he ever said it aloud) relieved that I had finished my college education because I could spend more of my energy on him. It really didn't seem to matter what we did. He was at peace around me, much the same as I was when I was with him. I felt whole, complete, knowing he was close. When he would leave in the evenings to go running with his pack I missed him, more than I would ever admit.

When the school year ended, Rosalie was a little happier. She and Emmett had decided a vacation was in order. Alice had groaned at the news, almost as though she had expected it. Of course she had, but it didn't deter Rosalie from her objective. She'd given me a large hug before she left. She was always uncannily candid when she spoke to me about her emotions.

That left just the seven of us in the large house. Alice, Jasper, and my parents were just starting their senior year, and I turned four.

In that one year, I had developed into a teenager. I had wanted to attend school with my family but they were still afraid that people would notice my physical development. So I was, once again, left at home.

It had turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Carlisle had been asked to participate in a program called Doctors Beyond Borders, and he had been offered a placement in the Amazon. His hesitance was only because of the constant stream of perfect sunlight that filled the sky, especially so close to the equator. But my savior, Esme, had mentioned Zafrina and her sisters.

I begged my parents to let me travel with my grandfather, and they agreed with one simple and jubilant condition; Jacob was to travel with me. It was more than I could have hoped for. I would be traveling to see my friends, my best friend by my side.

Esme, Carlisle, Jacob, and I left just after that Christmas. It was harder than I had thought to leave my parents. They had been the other constant in my life, the strength behind my weaknesses. But I knew I would see them soon. Time seemed to fly so quickly for us.

We spent a year in the Amazon, and it was beautiful. I saw all the images that Zafrina had given me to see when she had been in Forks. She was overjoyed at seeing me. I hadn't realized what an impact I had made on her when I was a small child. She gushed like a second mother and insisted on me showing her everything she had missed since she'd seen me last. She was always laughing politely when my mind would wander to Jacob.

She taught me so much during that year; self defense, nature, dancing. She was wise and told me many stories of her people. Their history was fascinating and long. It took her almost a week to explain her personal history. I also made good friends with her sister Kachiri. Senna, however, was still silent around us.

I only left once during my stay with the Amazons when we traveled to see Nahuel and Huilen. Nahuel had been happy to see me and had introduced me to his three sisters, Orion, Carina and Ara. All three were named after constellations. It seemed that the Volturi had granted him his one request and given his sisters immunity for their actions under their father's instruction. Each of them was fascinated with me and the concept of family. Orion seemed fascinated with my history, I showed her through my talent. Her eyes widened with wonder as the pictures flickered through her mind. She had learnt to speak English from her brother. Though her accent was still heavy, she constantly smiled even when struggling to find the English name for something she was trying to describe.

I enjoyed her company, she had a sunny disposition that made me comfortable. She had explained some of the things she had learned from her father, it seemed she had survived him and his tyrannical rule of her and her sisters lives. She also had an extraordinary talent, but it wasn't as direct as some of the talents I had seen before. Because we slept, we dreamt. Orion would dream in symbols, they were mostly warnings of sorts. She would have to decipher them herself to understand what it was warning her about. The outcome wasn't always correct, but she tried as hard as she could. I had concluded by inviting her to travel with Nahuel the next time he came to visit us.

His sisters weren't excited about Jacob's presence, but Nahuel propitiated them. He explained my attachment to him. He didn't seem to understand though. As he explained in his native tongue, a language I had learnt through Alice, he had described Jacob as my bodyguard. It wasn't the case but it seemed to pacify their hostility, so I let it go. I tried, when showing them my thoughts, not to transfer the images of Jacob, though it was hard considering how prevalent he was in my life.

We only spent a couple of weeks with Nahuel's coven before returning to the Amazons. In some ways, it just wasn't enough time for me. I had so many questions, and more continued to come with my rapid development. I had also made a friend in Orion. We had the same problems, and we were as rare as one another. It made it easier to talk about things I couldn't talk to Nahuel about.

In other ways, I was glad we had such a short amount of time. I still found Nahuel's gaze lingering on me longer than was polite. I tried to file it away and attribute it to the time we had not seen one another, but there was always a slight nagging in the back of my mind that had me second guessing myself.

My parents visited me in the Amazon every chance they got, but it was difficult being away from them. Sometimes it was only a couple of months at a time. Each time I reunited with them I would gaze in amazement at my mother. My memory, though mostly infallible, never seemed to clarify her beauty. It was always the same with my father.

Zafrina was hospitable. She would walk me through the forests showing me where the animals would hide, what the most lucrative paths would be, but I only ever hunted with Jacob or my grandparents. Zafrina was a conventional vampire. She drank from humans, something I never planned on doing. It had been instilled in me since birth. Being half-human, I could only agree whole heartedly. Having human family members also made the reality of it so much more conclusive.

When the year finally came to an end I was torn. I enjoyed the environment and my friends. Zafrina had become what she had prophesied, a good friend. I would miss her wisdom and her pictures, and when it came to say goodbye, words couldn't reflect the emotion. So I showed her. Her large arms had held me to her when the flickering of images finally passed. She had admitted she would miss me just as much.

I was, however, excited at the prospect of home. I missed my parents. I missed my aunts and uncles, my grandfather and his new family, and I missed my room. My world had always been set in routine. This past year had thrown me into unfamiliar paths.

So we went home, and it was everything a homecoming should be. Alice had decorated the house beautifully. My favorite flowers, Gerber daisies, were spread throughout the house in small bouquets. There was a large welcome home banner above the restored fireplace, and there were gifts sat perfectly wrapped on a small table.

When I asked, Alice told me they were the birthday presents I'd missed while I'd been away. Little did I know they would become some of my most precious possessions. Alice and Jasper gave me a new iPod, full to the brim with music they knew I liked. My parents had gotten me a laptop computer to use in my room. My grandparents, even after celebrating with me in the Amazon by giving me a digital camera to be precise, surprised me with a cell phone.

Each of these came into good use. There was still another year before they would even consider letting me start school, simply because they wanted my growth to slow down into a moderate level before throwing me into the human populace.

So I spent the next year doing the only thing I could, learning. My dad gave me piano lessons. Music had become an important part of my life and I wanted to learn everything I could. I was playing Bach and Chopin within two months, and my dad had to challenge me to come up with my own compositions.

I also spent a lot of time with Jacob. My body was slowing in its development as I came closer to my final growth. I found myself staring at him more than I ever had, because I was finally seeing him, the real Jacob. Warm feelings of pure adoration poured through me. It was confusing, but I knew that if I felt this way it could only be natural. Everything with Jacob was as natural as breathing to me.

The year passed quickly and my feelings and emotions grew more and more developed. He was becoming so much more than a friend to me, but I knew that if I confessed how I felt I would make him uncomfortable. So I kept it to myself, glad that I would finally have school to distract me.

My freshman year was confusing to me. I was enrolled in Darrington high school as Renesmee Masen. The surname Masen was my father's before being adopted by Carlisle. It was the name some of our family members had used as they attended this school a couple of years ago.

My mother had been Bella McCarty, as had Jasper and Rosalie, all three had been enrolled as siblings. Now, here I was pretending to be the youngest Masen, sibling to my father, Alice and Emmett. Attending finally after almost two years since their graduation. They were now, as far as the people in town were concerned, attending various colleges.

It was a lot to get used to. The only humans I had ever spent much time around were my grandfather, and his wife. The reaction of some of my class mates had confused me. The girls all smiled shyly, but never once attempted to speak with me. The boys just stared. I felt like a lion in a cage, being ogled at by excited children. I sat alone at lunch every day, no one ever sat close to me. I felt like an outcast, a leper, and Jacob had noticed it immediately. So he enrolled as a junior.

My mom had been kind enough to visit her friend in Seattle to get the paper work, and he was soon enrolled as Jacob Wolfe, a name that amused us all. Having just one friend, even if it was Jacob, seemed to make all the difference. I was no longer invisible and unapproachable, and I was finally accepted into a small group of girls that were in most of my classes.

These girls became my safe haven in school when I couldn't be with Jacob, they seemed to just accept me. One of the girls in particular stood out above the rest, and that was Anna. She was the one who had invited me to sit with them that first time, and she was the only one brave enough to step into our house. Most of the other girls had heard stories about the Masen's and McCarty's; they were oddly beautiful and very intimidating. One of the other girls, Samantha, had an older sister, who was now a senior, she'd remembered the Masens. In fact, she'd remembered my dad in particular. It was strange to hear people talk about my dad in that context, but I knew I had to act as a sister and was casually nonchalant about it all.

Jacob's junior year had been as frustrating and confusing as my freshman year. He was fighting off advances from the girls in his class. While all of the boys, seniors included, glared at him for stealing what small amount of choice they had in a small town like this.

It was all fun and games until I started gaining the same attention from the boys. Jacob wasn't as amused as I had been. He'd gotten upset. A sophomore had approached me at my locker after school, he'd asked me out on a date. I was politely declining, when Jacob took it upon himself to decline for me. It was the first real fight we'd ever had, and neither of us felt great when we'd finally stopped screaming at one another.

So, for piece of mind, Jacob dragged his poor friend and pack mate into the situation. Seth transferred in as a junior, and he and Jacob always had an eye on me.

I don't know how it took so long, but it wasn't until my sophomore year, Seth and Jacob's senior year, that Seth finally noticed Anna. It was an immediate thing, just like it had been for Jacob and me. He was pulled uncontrollably to her as though she was polarized and he was a magnet. It was an obvious imprint, one I really couldn't have been happier about. Anna was my best friend, and soon my only friend.

Seth and Anna were inseparable after that, and Anna learned our small secret. She was shocked at first, and a little hurt, but it was because I hadn't told her what was going on, not because mythical creatures really existed.

It took a little adjusting, being able to talk to Anna about what was really going on in my life, but she was an imprint, and imprints were always in the know. After that, the other girls trickled away, our whispers became to obvious, and they of course took it as a snub from us. It hadn't been intentional, but it had made life a little easier. Although April, one of the girls we had been friends with, snubbed us instead.

My family wasn't hugely enthusiastic about another human being in the know, but my mom knew how capable humans were at keeping secrets to themselves. After all, she had managed it for a couple of years.

So my life took on an extraordinary normalcy. It was hard to believe sometimes, but I actually felt like a normal human at times, especially when it was just the four of us. We usually just sat in a corner whispering.

Nothing really changed once the boys graduated, and Anna and I became juniors. We'd never had class together anyway, so there was no change there. Every chance they got, Jacob and Seth would sit with us at lunch, their ridiculous body heat keeping us from getting cold.

Then, Jacob did something stupid. A senior, who had been smiling at me every day since I had started junior year, decided he was going to talk to me at lunch. As always, I respectfully declined his offer, but he became insistent, and wouldn't take no for an answer. Anna had tried to step in but the guy told her to back off. It was the wrong thing to do.

Seth and Jacob had appeared at that moment, and had seen the scene in front of them. I was perfectly capable of snapping this human in two, but I knew I would ruin everything our family had worked for, so I kept things polite. Jacob, however, would not be displaying such decorum, and I had known that the moment I had seen his face. His black hair had cast a hard shadow over his dark eyes making him looking more menacing than I had ever seen him. He route marched towards us, skidding to a stop a foot away from the boy that had me trapped against the locker. His hand had barely touched the boys arm when the principal walked around the corner, and that was the end of our lunch time visits. My parents also had a couple of choice words for Jacob, until they heard the real story, of course.

I forgave him instantly, and that day will always be seared into my memory. It was the day I told him I loved him. He'd put himself on the line to protect me. Once my parents had finished reprimanding him for his actions, thanking him for his gallantry, and then criticizing his methods; I couldn't stand the look he had on his face.

It was shame, and guilt, intermingled and contorting his face in a way that physically pained me. So I thanked him, brushing my finger over his furrowed brow, trying to erase the crease that had settled there. Our eyes had locked onto one another, my heart fluttered impossibly in my chest as though it were a caged bird, fighting for an escape, and it came tumbling out of my mouth. I knew it had been right because there was no embarrassment, no fear, just an overwhelming sense of right, like it had always been that way.

His dark eyes lit up as they pierced into mine and he declared his love for me. It was a perfect moment; the one that had seemed right. I had felt that way for my entire life, and saying it was like breathing. I felt free.

So with the one exception, school, Jacob and I became even more inseparable. As much as my parents loved and respected Jacob, I could see the fear that they held when they watched us together. They thought things were moving too quickly, but what they failed to see and what I had to constantly remind them, was that I had stopped growing. I was almost nine years old and my physical development had stopped at age seven. My mental development was fully matured, and still absorbed information like it always had. I was now, in body, and maturity, older than them, they had me beat in years alone. The other problem was they also failed to see how much of a gentleman Jacob was.

Still, I knew what I wanted and I had no doubt that it would always be Jacob, so I would be patient. Still, I couldn't help but go into senior year with a little optimism. The future looked bright, and I was ready and willing to walk into it with my head held high.

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**A/N: Thought I would try something different this time around. All of the chapters titles are song. Ones I think reflect the chapter. There is a link to an Music player on my profile. I think as of now it's updated to chapter site hosts all the information so it shouldn't crash.  
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**This is a super long chapter due to the content. It's nine years worth of information condensed into 10,000 words. LOL! Not all of the chapters will be so long, I'm sorry to say.  
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**The song for this chapter . . .In My Place - Coldplay.**

**I would like to give a huge shoutout to my wonderful, inspirational Beta . . . Orioncat . . . If you haven't checked out her stories . . . well you should certainly head over there, they're awesome. She also has a Youtube channel, which is fantastic. So Orioncat, thank you so much for all of your help and encouragement. I am proud to call you a friend.**

**Thank you Vicki, for being just as obsessive about Twilight as I am, for reading my stories and handing them to everyone you know ;), and watching the movie with me . . . a lot! :)**

**Okay, gushing over I promise. I would like to say thank you for the reviews for the prologue :) . . . That Rocks!**

**So you're all caught up and now the real story starts, I will be uploading every third day, so the next chapter will be up on Thursday 4th. If you got this far into my chapter and my gushing, Thank you. See you on Thursday :)**

**Big Hugz -L -  
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	3. Chapter 2: Spiraling

_**All Things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

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**_**Chapter 2: Spiraling**

Jacob picked me up earlier for school than was normal. I knew that he wanted to spend time with me. I knew because I felt the same way. Since I had told him how I felt, the ban from school property had been hard on the two of us. Mainly, because it was the only time we didn't spend together. It had become an inconvenience.

Still, even spending as much time together as we did, our relationship was developing excruciatingly slow. Jacob was still being a perfect gentleman, and although I appreciated it, I still couldn't stop the frustration that ran throughout me.

It always made me so nervous. I knew better than to feel rejected, but I couldn't stop that little voice in my head nagging at me. Telling me I was doing something wrong. We loved one another, there was no doubting that. But the fact that he refused to take things any further worried me. Maybe I was just being paranoid. After all, I was only nine.

I sat in the kitchen where Esme had made me too much food as always. She had an affinity for cooking enough to feed a small army. As a child I had fought tooth and nail to avoid being fed a human diet. But as I grew older, I had learnt to appreciate human food. Still, I preferred blood.

Human food was bland and tasteless. It sustained me, and I could live off of it. It also dulled the burning that was a constant in the back of my throat. My natural diet was the only thing that could ever make that sensation ease to an almost non-existence.

Jacob always appreciated when Esme cooked; his appetite could put an elephant to shame. Not to mention her cooking was exquisite. Even I could appreciate that. For someone who never ate, she had a natural talent. I was never sure if that was because she aspired to please us, or because her maternal nature had made it second nature.

I didn't dwell on that long, I couldn't. My thoughts were soon interrupted by Jacob's lithe footsteps on the porch. He moved so gracefully, even when he wasn't in his wolf form. It was an odd sight, as big as he was. He was just shy of seven feet tall, but he was lean and muscular. When he was in a room I couldn't take my eyes from him. His muscles bunched and released under his skin sending small tremors across his russet skin. He was astounding.

"Morning." Jacob called, as he pushed the door out of his way. His eyes fluttered around the room until he found me. I could see the serenity rolling from him in waves as our eyes met. I could also feel my own reaction to him. The calm spread throughout me like wind rustling through blades of grass. I felt as though I could breathe again. It was something I didn't notice until it was gone.

It was always such a shock to realize the effect he had on me.

"Hi Jacob. Hungry?" Esme asked.

"Always, thanks Esme."

Esme was thrilled at having someone else to feed. Jacob could clean any plate she gave him; piled high, over spilling or buffet style. He never disappointed her. She dished out a large portion of eggs and bacon and set it on the table next to me. Jacob followed her over and fell into the chair, grinning at Esme.

Esme smiled warmly at him before moving away to do the dishes. It was also to be polite, though it was never said aloud by anyone other than Rosalie. The vampire smell was slightly offensive to Jacob, just as his werewolf smell was not so appealing to vampires. Esme never wanted to interrupt his appetite so she kept her distance.

"So Nessie tells us you're taking her out on an official date tonight?" Esme asked gently. I could see the smile lighting up her topaz eyes in amusement.

Those hadn't been my exact words, but I knew she was teasing me. I had told her that I was planning to demand a date. I was tired of waiting to be asked. I knew that Jacob didn't make assumptions about us like that. So I was taking the initiative. I was guessing she'd decided to make that transition even easier. I could have kissed her.

Jacob swallowed the mouthful he had and glared at me. There was a playful glint that he could never hide from me, dancing behind his eyes. I bit back a laugh. Knowing I was finally going to get my own way for once. Jacob just shook his head and turned to look at Esme.

"I guess we are. There aren't too many options around here though."

Inspiration hit. I was so tired of the sleepy town of Darrington, I needed to get out.

"You said you were taking me into Seattle." I accused as my eyes widened innocently.

Jacob rolled his eyes at me before shoveling a fork full of eggs into his mouth to suppress a playful growl. I ran my hands through his hair and giggled quietly. I was taunting him with my eyes, daring him to say something.

"Renesmee," my dad's voice made me jump in my seat. I hadn't heard him coming. He was quiet even for a vampire. I'd been caught red handed; he'd known it as well as I did. I pushed my bottom lip out and looked at him.

"Yes?" I asked harmlessly.

His golden eyes bore into me, but I could see the amusement sparkling behind the gold. I spoke to him through my thoughts. '_I'm just having a little bit of fun, Dad. Relax.' _Sometimes having a mind reading father had its advantages. Unfortunately, the cons heavily outweighed the pros.

He nodded once and smiled at Jacob, "Jake,"

"Edward."

My dad chuckled quietly, and slapped Jacob gently on the shoulder as he passed. I hated when they had silent conversations, and it happened a lot. Jacob seemed to know when to antagonize me; it was always directly after I started it.

I picked up my plate and headed towards the sink where Esme was still rinsing. I ran it under the faucet before placing it in the dishwasher. Jacob was still eating, but I knew it would only take a fraction of a second to annihilate what was left on his plate. I supposed it was time to deal with the reaction I was going to get when we were alone.

We never argued, but we did have a rather colorful history with word pong.

"I'll see you later, Dad . . . Nana." I kissed my dad on the cheek quickly, and winked at Esme squeezing her shoulder as I passed.

I headed towards the door and picked up the winter coat I had absolutely no need for. "Coming, Jake?"

I didn't wait for an answer because I knew that he wouldn't be far behind me. I headed out into the crisp morning air, it was so clear. I could smell everything within a five mile radius. There was a herd of deer relatively close by. I could hear the gentle thrum of their heart beats as the grazed peacefully. I closed my eyes and listened. Trying to stop the light burning ache the scent had caused in my throat. I could hear Jacob in the house excusing himself. It took everything in me to keep the smile from my lips as he opened the door. I knew what was coming.

"What was that?" Jacob inquired.

I let my eyes flutter open and focused them on Jacob. I was glad to see the amusement behind his eyes as he kept his lips in a tight line. The muscles at the corners of his mouth twitched as he fought the smile that was so obviously brewing.

"I believe you would call that payback." I mused.

"For what? What did I do?"

"Hmm," I tapped my finger on my chin dramatically, "Never taking me out. We hardly ever go to La Push anymore. I would love to see Seattle at night." I was pouting again.

Jacob rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around my waist. "You could have just asked. It would have saved you from all of the drama."

"I shouldn't have to." I countered laying my head on his broad chest.

I could hear his heart pounding in his chest the moment he'd come in contact with me. I couldn't comment- mine did exactly the same. It seemed to be the natural equation of us- overreaction and a traitorous body. Who knew a werewolf and half vampire were capable of such human reactions. It would have made it so much easier if we couldn't hear the differences though.

"You're right." he whispered into my hair, planting his lips into the bronze twist I had arranged on my head.

"I'm always right." I sighed trying to calm my heart.

Jacob's lips anywhere near me sent my heart into a spluttering frenzy. Not that it ever came to anything. Being the gentleman, the kisses had never strayed from my cheeks or forehead. I wasn't sure how much more my fluttering heart could take. It seemed Jacob still saw me as a child, and though he never mentioned it. I knew that he could hear my heart flying when he got close.

"Come on, you'll be late for school." he sighed, releasing me from his grasp.

Jacob held my hand as he drove me to school; his thumb unconsciously traced light patterns across the back of my hand. It was always so calming for me to be around him, it didn't seem to matter what was going on around me. If he was close by, I knew I would be able to breathe. It was why school had become such a thorn in my side. I always felt nervous and on edge. If I didn't have my best friend, Anna, I probably would have quit already.

The small minded townsfolk made it impossible to keep to myself. There was always some new rumor about the Masens and McCartys.

Jacob pulled into a free spot close to where I met Anna every morning. It was routine so there was never any need to direct him. She wasn't there, which was unusual, so I stayed in the car happy to have a little extra time with Jacob.

"I'll be happy when you don't have to come here anymore." Jacob mumbled quietly.

His eyes were studying my face. This was also nothing new. Every morning he dropped me off, and every morning he memorized me so he could keep me in his mind while we were apart. I was lucky enough to have perfect recall. He was always on my mind.

"I know, but I think I'll miss it." I finally answered smiling thoughtfully.

"Why?"

"It's not awful living in reality."

"Reality?" he snorted.

"Well, people's perception of it. They have no idea what things are like. They're oblivious."

Jacob laughed lightly and kissed my hand. My heart deceived me again by thumping against my rib cage. It all seemed so silly. We had essentially been made for one another. Yet, here we were, afraid to show any sign of affection. It was almost as though the anticipation had made it uncomfortable, awkward. Maybe even more than if we'd had met the way Seth and Anna had.

I was jealous of Seth and Anna's relationship. I lived vicariously through Anna's descriptions. She would describe each kiss, throwing around words like passion, and sensuality. All I had to give her was the description of my heart stuttering when Jacob got within a foot of me.

"I wonder where Anna is." I sighed looking at the clock. Anna normally called if she was planning to skip. Neither of us enjoyed being in this purgatory they called high school without the other. Having her around made it bearable.

Jacob chuckled and pointed toward a covered alley between two of the school buildings. Anna stood leaning against the wall, Seth was leaned into her. Their lips were moving in synchronization as Anna's hands ran through Seth's growing hair.

"Oh," I averted my eyes quickly to Jacob, but his eyes were still on the couple in the alley. I couldn't read his expression. His eyes were distant, lost in the moment.

"Oh crap." The words came out in a groan and his hand went to his neck. The expression was gone now and it was replaced by a frown that cast a shadow over his eyes.

"What?"

I looked around the small area of the school and listened. I didn't have enough time to process the sounds and smells before Jacob answered my question.

"Principal."

I looked back towards Seth and Anna, and sure enough the principal was coming around the corner of the cafeteria. This was just what we needed. We'd been so careful about keeping Seth and Jacob appearances at school to a minimum. It didn't seem to matter that Anna and I had perfect four point averages. Our history with Seth and Jacob had left a bad taste in his mouth.

I pushed the door open hesitantly and got out of the car. I was taking a chance; he would see Jacob in the car with me. He knew he dropped me off everyday but it didn't mean he liked it. Still, I hoped that my plan would at least stop him from catching them in such an intimate embrace. Save Anna from some embarrassment.

"Anna!" I shouted her name across the parking lot. She and Seth looked towards me. I could see how unfocused their eyes were as they appraised me. Both looked surprised at the level of my voice, but the distraction had worked. Mr. Palmer's attention was immediately drawn to me.

"Miss Masen," the principal's voice was stern. His eyes flickered between me and the car. I knew he could see Jake. "I've warned you about having your friends on campus."

"He was just leaving, sir."

"He'd better be. I suggest you get to class. I would also appreciate you not crowing across the parking lot. This isn't a rock concert, it's a school. You're here to learn."

"Yes, sir."

Mr. Palmer turned and walked back towards the administrative offices with a quick glance over his shoulder at Jacob. He'd obviously forgotten the reason for coming outside in the first place. Anna and Seth made their way towards us relief written across their faces. I ducked in the car quickly with a sigh of frustration.

"I should go, see you after school." I kissed him quickly on the cheek before backing out of the car. Seth was stood with Anna behind me.

"Hey Seth."

"Ness." He replied with a quick nod. He leaned towards Anna quickly and gave her a kiss on the lips before sliding past me and getting into the car. He grinned at me. "Thanks for that."

"No problem, but you two better get out of here."

Both of the Quileute boys grinned at us, I knew exactly what they'd like to do. But they took my advice. Seth pulled the door closed and Jacob pulled out of the parking spot winking before they pulled away completely. I watched the faded red car pull out onto the highway.

Pathetically, I missed him already.

Anna looped her arm through mine as we walked towards the school building. It was empty outside because of the soft drizzle that had begun to fall. I was glad of the weather. It had stopped my diversion from becoming a scene.

"Have you heard the news?" Anna asked huddling under her hood hiding from the rain. "New student starts on Monday."

"New student? Senior?"

"Uh-huh. Apparently, his father got a job with one of the big lumber companies. I heard that he's overseeing some sort of merger or something."

"Huh." A student transferring this late in the semester was something unusual. "How do you know this?"

"My dad, it's the mill he works at. I overheard him and my mom talking about it last night, he's worried he'll lose his job."

I stopped walking and looked at Anna. I was surprised by her bored tone as she revealed her newest information. Of course, I knew all too well what her dad losing his job would mean. The lumber companies employed a large percentage of the residents in Darrington. If Anna's father lost his job, there was a chance they could leave.

"He's really that worried?" I asked.

"I don't know, Ness, I stopped listening. It was depressing me." she laughed.

"You aren't worried?"

"Ness, I'm almost eighteen. Next year, I am hoping to go to college. Yeah, if my dad loses his job college is a pipe dream, but oh well. I'm not leaving. If I'm going anywhere, it's to La Push, with Seth."

My mouth fell open as I gazed at my friend in wonder. I had no idea that her and Seth's relationship had developed that much. She was serious about that. I could hear the conviction in her words. Anna laughed casually again and pulled me forward so I was walking. She pushed the door to the building open and pulled me inside.

"Ness, you really have to be more open minded, I know you're only ten and all, but are you seriously telling me your adult body isn't craving . . ."

I put my hand over her mouth quickly to stop her from saying the words. I wasn't embarrassed, but I didn't need anyone to hear what was consistently running through my mind. I looked around at some of the students that were lounging against their lockers. Anna laughed under my restrain.

"You still haven't spoken to Jake?" she guessed.

I dropped my hand and looked around the hall; most of the students were still lingering waiting for the first bell. I shook my head and sighed. "I freeze, Anna. Every single time. I want it to tell him, but I'm so scared."

"It's a kiss, Ness. Anyone would think you were asking him to do something illegal."

"Well . . ."

"Do not play the age card. You know we count you in dog years."

My mouth fell open and I laughed, I swatted her gently on the arm. "Love you too, Anna, Jeez."

Anna threw her arm over my shoulder and guided me towards class. As always almost everyone else gave us a wide berth. We were outcasts in the small world of Darrington high. We preferred it that way.

Lunch was even more unusual. The whole school seemed to have heard the rumor and the cafeteria was buzzing. All of the 'well, I heard . . .' and 'do you think . . .' speculation was spreading out of control. It was a nice change in some ways. It took away from the monotony of the students droning on about us under their breaths. None of them knew I could hear every word.

"You'd think that they'd never met a male before, listen to them." Anna whispered laughing.

"Well, we are an exception- we didn't need to look far. How would you feel about the prospect of a new guy in school if you didn't have Seth?"

Anna put her elbows on the table and cupped her face with her hands, she was deep in thought. I could tell because of the slight frown she was wearing. I threw a fry at her and laughed.

"Alright, don't give yourself an aneurysm. It was just a question."

"I'm trying to be objective."

I raised my eyebrows. I knew as well as she did that it was impossible to imagine life without our wolves. The only reason I'd asked, was because on the rare occasion that we weren't the topic of conversation. The talk normally went to lack of choices. The girls would normally complain about how easy we had it.

"Fine, it's a moot point. The way I see it, I was born for Seth."

"Aren't we dramatic?"

"Or it could be romantic."

"Romantic? Was that romance against the cafeteria wall this morning?"

Anna's eyes widened and a small smirk formed on her lips. "Jealous?"

"Seth? Are you serious? You know how I feel about, Jacob." I said playing dumb.

This time it was Anna's turn to throw food. She rolled her eyes and laughed. "So, what are we doing tonight?"

"Jacob's taking me to Seattle on a date."

Anna squealed, causing the tables surrounding us to go silent and turn in curiosity. I was impressed; the squeal had managed to derail the talk from the new kid. I covered my mouth with my hand and widened my eyes at her.

"What is the matter with you?" I whispered, letting my hand drop to the table.

"First official date, I'm so proud."

I shook my head in amazement. I still marveled that the girl took all of this in her stride. She knew what I was because it came with what Seth and Jacob was. Each one of our pasts, presents, and futures were intertwined. She was also my biggest cheerleader always pushing me to reach for what I wanted. I'd even explained the whole sordid past to her.

"You do realize I've known the guy since I was born, right?" I asked sarcastically.

"Shut up, Ness, even you know how big this is."

She was right of course, she knew me well enough to know my frustrations. She also understood why Jacob was hesitant, but she was one of the few people who saw me as I was. She didn't look at my years. All I wanted was a normal relationship with the man I was in love with. I didn't want there to be that awkwardness between us.

Maybe awkward was even the wrong word to describe it. When I thought of Jacob's reactions it was more of a hesitance; almost as though he was arguing with himself about our level of intimacy.

I sighed exuberantly, nodding softly in agreement. "Just, please, don't say anything to him. The last thing I need is for him to know I'm talking about it."

"Why?"

"I think it makes him uncomfortable."

"Ness, you're not just his girlfriend, you're his _imprint_. I know, as well as you do, how substantial that is."

"I know that, Anna, but we've know one another since my birth. He has gone from being an overprotective brother, to best friend, to where we are now. It's never been this awkward, I think it's just all so new to us both."

"You don't think that first kiss was awkward for Seth and me?"

"Of course it was, but can you even imagine knowing Seth your whole life?"

Anna raised her eyebrows. "Ok, I see your point, but the only way to get over that is to treat it like a band aid."

I laughed dropping my head to my arms that were sat on the table. My friend always had the strangest analogies for situations. I knew what she meant though. I just didn't know if I had it in me to be that confident. I was so afraid of rejection at this point I was worried it would crush me. I even had the mental image to accompany it. I cringed at the pictures in my mind.

"What? It'll be quick and painless and hopefully remove some of the tension."

I shook my head against my arms. I knew it wasn't just the age thing that seemed to repel Jacob. It was also my parents, the people he'd known long before my birth. The woman he thought he loved, the vampire he'd considered an enemy for the longest time. There was so much history between the three of them, there was absolutely no doubt he would consider them in his choices.

"Just give it a try, what's the worst that can happen?"

"Rejection." I mumbled into my arms.

The bell rang noisily through the school calling our attention to the impending classes that would undoubtedly bore us to death in the process. I lifted my head in time to see some of the students glancing at me curiously. It was unusual for me to display emotions in public, and I was instantly aware of that now. I was never so casual in school. I hardly ever let my guard down.

"We'd better get going." I said hesitantly getting up.

"It's Spanish,"

I was fluent in Spanish, and Anna knew that as well as I did, but we'd pushed our luck already today, cutting wasn't really an option. I shrugged my shoulders and picked up my bag. I wasn't really up for the boring inane class that really did tire me. Neither was Anna apparently.

"Fine, Professora Baker it is then." she sighed, rolling the r's in the teachers prefix.

The rest of the day passed by in the same boring fashion it always did. Tuesday's were the bane of the week; they seemed twice as long as the rest of the days.

My hearing, being that of a vampire's, made it difficult to ignore the ongoing gossip that flitted around the rooms in the school. I was able to hear every whisper that was spoken about the new student. He was from New York- his father was the managing director of a conglomerate there. They bought out struggling companies and picked up the pieces left behind. Anna's account had pretty much attested to that so it wasn't really all that interesting to listen to. It wasn't until they started talking about the son of the hot shot business man that my interest was a little piqued.

The boy, no one knew his name, had been in and out of several schools. He was a trouble maker so his father took the opportunity to spend the year in Darrington so that he could keep an eye on him. He figured his son would stay out of trouble in a small town. That was laughable, small towns created boredom. If this kid was much trouble as he was made out to be, he would find trouble quickly. That was none of my business though.

"Where do they get this information?" I whispered to Anna, we both sat in the back of the class, blending in to the neutral walls. It had been our plan in the beginning. In order to stare at us people would have to turn in their seats.

"Have you noticed how small this town is?" Anna whispered back.

"You'd think they'd done a background check on them."

Anna laughed out loud slapping her hand to her mouth when the teacher turned around. "Sorry."

Miss Baker glared before turning back to the board to write out the nonsensical paragraph she wanted us to decipher. Her untidy scrawl made the words blend into one another until they made no sense at all. I sat scrutinizing them until the coast was clear again. I widened my eyes and shook my head.

"What's so funny?"

"That's exactly what Sheriff Long did. Sarah got the information from the file he'd put together. _She_ probably thinks conglomerate means some cosmetic company. Now she thinks she has some right to him. That's how all the stories about him being a trouble maker started. There were some big words that she misconstrued."

"So what did the kid do to get kicked out of so many schools?"

"Nothing as horrendous as you'd think- teenage stuff. Stuff that happens all the time here. I guess it doesn't happen in those rich schools in New York though, huh."

"Like what?" I didn't know where my curiosity was coming from. I didn't even really care.

"Pulling fire alarms, getting caught smoking, cutting class. Why? What did you hear?" she asked leaning towards me.

"Tommy, said he'd heard that the kid was caught breaking into the admin building, trying to change his grades or something." I admitted. Tommy wasn't the greatest source. He gossiped more than the girls in the school did.

"Miss Masen, do you have something you want to say?"

Crap! I hated that I was the one who was always called out. I much preferred the death stare.

"No, Professora Baker."

I hung my head quietly and stared at the pages in my book as though they were blank. When I thought it was safe I looked towards Anna again, she grinned and rolled her eyes before looking back down at her book with confusion wrinkling her nose. Alice and I had been attempting to tutor her in Spanish. It wasn't going well. She neither had the patience nor the brain capacity to absorb the information. We had ended up overwhelming her.

I let my eyes wander to the windows. The classroom was at the back of the school. From it I could see the snow capped mountains and sprawling forests. I starting thinking about the stories I could still hear being mumbled throughout the classroom. My mom had told me about her reception in Forks, so I didn't know why this would surprise me.

Small towns seemed to thrive on gossip; our family had always been a large source of it. Not that anyone had ever said anything to us directly, but it was hard to miss when you have sensitive hearing. People sitting across the lunch room could be heard as easily as if they sat next to me.

It never affected me much because I had been prepared for it. My parents, my dad in particular, had been in enough schools to know the drill. I was also lucky enough to have Anna. She was human, she knew our secret, and she was an imprint. She made me feel relatively normal in the chaos that was my world.

Unfortunately, by befriending me, she had also become an outcast. She was as much a source of gossip as I was. Anna had always been strong. And although she'd had no idea what was different about me, she'd taken the chance. Ignored what the others had said to her, and became my friend. Her knowing all the sordid details made it so much easier.

When she met Seth, it seemed to have given her more strength. It was as though the world made complete sense to her now. It was something that was within my grasp. I just had to reach out and take it.

I was just so afraid it would come with a price.

**

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A/N:**  
**Song: Spiralling by Keane. You can listen to all of the Chapter songs at my website nostalgicmiss dot com. Click on the Shadow of a Doubt tab to the left :)  
**

**Once again I would like to thank my Beta Orioncat, without whom my grammar and punctuation would be atrocious! I am honored to have her beta for me :) She is totally made of Awesome!  
**

**To my friend Vicki who has to deal with my craziness, and neurotic tendencies LOL. Thank for your encouragement :) You're fantabulous 8)~  
**

**To everyone who added the story to their alerts and Faves, thank you. And to the reviewers . . . YOU GUYS ROCK!!! SERIOUSLY! Y'ALL ARE SO AWESOME.  
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**BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	4. Chapter 3: Closer

_**all Things Twilight belong to the awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

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**_**Chapter 3: Closer**

Jacob picked me up from school as usual. It was never hard to find him because he always parked in the same spot-right up front. He was always so eager to be defiant. I could hear the principal mumbling in his office, especially when Jake had Seth move into the back seat with Anna. Just seeing one of them almost sent him over the edge. The man was a control freak.

I climbed in the seat next to Jacob and dropped my bag at my feet. The familiar weightlessness of being in his presence swept over me; I couldn't help but smile at him widely. I hated spending so much time away from him, but it made the small reunions all the better. His answering smile was just as wide as he picked up my hand and kissed my palm gently. Small ripples of happiness flowed through me as his lips touched the skin there. It was a miracle my heart didn't beat its way out of my body.

"Hi, Jake." Anna said sarcastically from the back seat. I could hear the giggle she was fighting as she watched our interaction. I could almost hear her shouting at me in her mind.

"Anna."

I turned in my seat and smiled at her, knowing that her sarcasm was in reference to Jacob not acknowledging her presence. She rolled her eyes and leaned into Seth, whose arms were already wrapped tightly around her waist. He smiled at me warmly.

Seth had always been a good friend of mine, and now technically he was my uncle. When Sue married Charlie it had brought on a whole other connection between our worlds. Everyone had been elated at the union. Well, almost everyone. Leah still wasn't happy about being related to vampires, no matter how indirectly it was. Seth, however, reveled in it. He often slapped Jacob on the shoulder telling him he was looking forward to being his uncle-in-law.

I moved back to face the front again, my hand still in Jacob's. He gave me another grin as he stared at me for slightly longer than necessary. My heart stuttered in response, tripping over itself as his warm eyes held me captive. I sighed trying to cover up my reaction. Jacob would never mention my reaction. I didn't want him too. Being acutely aware of the situation was circumstantial to what we were. In fact, it was who we were.

"I'm going to drop you off at Anna's, Seth. I'll pick you up later." Jake said, putting the car into drive. His eyes flickered up to the mirror. I looked around to Seth in the back seat trying to catch his response. To see what that look had been about.

"Sure." Seth mumbled.

His hand was already tracing small circles into the palm of Anna's hand, but his eyes were on the mirror. When he looked away, he kissed Anna's temple gently. That small display of intimacy sent a pang of jealously through me.

There was so much devotion there that I felt as though I was intruding, so I turned in my seat and looked out of the window in front of me. Every time I saw them together like that I couldn't help but wish for that for myself. I knew that I played the age card whenever I wanted something, but it really was pointless to fight what I was. The only thing the years reflected was my years on the planet. Everything else about me was equal to Jacob, if not older.

The car ride to Anna's was in silence. I was lost in my thoughts, trying to build my courage up to ask him for the one thing I wanted. Saying it out loud would make it a request and it almost made me feel guilty. Being his imprint meant he wanted to give me everything I asked for. Asking him would be like taking his free will away. He would do it to please me, not because it was what he wanted.

The only thing coming from the back seat was soft giggles and whispers. Jake and I exchanged glances a couple of times. They weren't doing anything other than whispering, but it made things a little uncomfortable in the silence. I was actually a little relieved when we pulled up at Anna's house. I made a mental note to never sit in the car with the two of them in the back seat without playing music.

"Call me later, Ness." Anna said leaning over the seat and kissing my cheek. "Later, Jake."

"See you later."

I watched quietly as Seth and Anna walked happily towards her house. Her parents had been receptive to Seth because he made Anna happier than she'd ever been. He was always so respectful towards them. This was Seth we were talking about after all. He was so sweet he could win anybody over. Anna's parents trusted them explicitly. There was no one invading her mind when she was unhappy or too happy. She told them as much as she wanted them to know and nothing more. A luxury I had never known.

Jacob started driving again towards my house. I looked over at him and wondered whether he'd forgotten our plans. My emotions must have been easy to read, because he looked at me from the corner of his eye and immediately felt the need to explain. I could see the concern in his face.

"I have strict instructions from Alice to take you home first." Jacob chuckled as he brushed a strand of my hair over my shoulder.

"Aw, Jake." I said playfully, relaxing in my seat. I tried to hide my relief behind feigned annoyance.

"I would say forget it, but the little thing is scary when she wants to be."

I giggled softly shaking my head. "No, you're just a pushover."

Jacob's mouth fell open at my comment making me laugh even harder. He seemed truly shocked at my slight against his dominance. Jacob pulled the car over to the side of the road and folded his arms across his chest in defiance of my statement.

His eyebrows were raised revealing his warm playful eyes. I bit my lip gently as I appraised him. If he wanted to be stubborn I was not the person to test. I was an imprint. A little begging and he would be putty in my capable hands. I knew I was being unfair, and I knew he would never be able to say no. I pushed my bottom lip out a little and leaned towards him, my eyes wide.

"Jake." My voice was soft and pleading. I hadn't noticed he was holding his breath until I leaned forward and traced my finger along his jaw. It came out with a whooshing sound and his shoulders slumped in defeat. I grinned at him and kissed his cheek gently.

"The truth hurts, honey." I sighed moving away from him.

Before I could get far his arms were around my waist pinning me to his broad chest. I could feel him shaking with laughter. I couldn't help but join in. It was the only time I ever used my power of persuasion over him. Mainly because it was the only time it didn't stifle me with guilt.

Jacob planted four consecutive kisses on the top of my head before releasing me. I slid back into my seat and smiled out the windshield, wondering if he would try and fight it again. It didn't take long.

"Come on, before Alice comes looking for us." Jacob laughed. He threw it into drive and pressed down on the gas, pushing us forward towards the small invisible turning that led to the house. I loved the drive home. The house was outside of town. Its driveway hidden by ferns and overgrown brush. The only indication that anyone lived there at all was the subtle tire tracks leading in and out of the trees.

I could almost tell you exactly what vehicle had passed over the small muddy border in the last hour. The tracks in the ground at the moment were too easy. The large tread of Emmett's four-by-four pick up was easy to distinguish. He'd sold his Jeep a couple of years ago. Rosalie had promised to do a lift on a truck if he bought one. So the large Dodge had been introduced to the garage.

The mud was splattered across the street from where they had pulled out. I'd forgotten about their hunting trip. It was almost time for the bears to come out of hibernation. It was Emmett's favorite season.

Jake drove us up the long forested drive towards the house. The stark contrast between the trees and large glass windows was almost art. It looked like a picture composed and layered for effect. The only difference being it was natural. It stood out that way because of its design. You could see the drive from the house perfectly, but from the car the view was obscured. It was one of the reasons we'd picked it.

Alice was sat waiting patiently on the balcony on the second floor. She looked elegant as always as the wind blew her short hair around her features. She stood from the swing that was hanging from one of the beams that held the roof above the balcony; her hands planted themselves on her small hips.

I took a deep breath and pushed open the door. "Hi, Aunt Alice."

Alice smiled and dropped her hands before she beckoned for me to come upstairs quickly. She couldn't even pretend to be upset with me.

Being around Alice was like running beside a hurricane. She was a force of nature. As much as I grumbled, I enjoyed spending time with her. Her happy demeanor always managed to rub off on me. You couldn't help but smile around the woman. Jasper, once you got him going, was just as fun. I could spend hours talking to him about history. He mostly knew the vampire history, but if you were lucky enough to get him talking about the civil war you had at least a three day conversation on your hands. He was so wise in so many ways. He was also a genius with computers.

Jacob chuckled lightly as he got out of the car behind me.

"I don't know what you're laughing about, Jacob Black, but I got you something to wear too. You will not be taking my niece out in those." She said pointing towards Jacob's jeans.

"Be nice." I said quickly, knowing that Alice shopping for him made him nervous. He was a very independent person and hated when my family tried to buy him things. Living on the reservation and being a part of the wolf pack didn't give him many options in the form of a career or college. He did well with the hand he was dealt and never complained once about the injustice of it all.

I mouthed the word 'sorry' before pulling him towards the house. I didn't mind my aunts glamorizing me, but I worried that it made Jacob uncomfortable; especially as it was putting so much emphasis on our relationship.

The word relationship bothered me as I thought about it. We were so much more than that, and it wasn't as though my family didn't know either. My mom had tried to attack him because of his imprinting on me. My dad, well, he'd pretty much been the one to calm things down after everyone found out.

Yet, because of my age they were acting as though it was wrong. That we should put off what I wanted until I was older. I loved my family dearly. They pretty much made up who I was as a person, but the one thing I wanted them to not interfere in was the one thing they did.

I knew tomorrow I would have to talk to someone about all of this. Someone other than Anna because all she could do is listen, which was helpful. But I needed someone with a little bit of influence- someone who would understand. I needed to talk to Alice.

"Really?" she called down the stairs.

"Really, what?" I asked letting go of Jake's hand.

I headed toward the large curving staircase that opened up to the second floor landing that held a theater projection television and theater seating; all at Uncle Emmett's insistence. No one complained. It was nice having a theater in your own home. It was personal, and we never had to hide what we were. There were no people shying away from you.

Alice stood in the doorway to her room holding a large cosmetic bag that she used just for me, her grin was wide. She'd obviously already seen my decision. At least she saw what would happen to her because of my decision. It was all very confusing.

"You know you're all foggy to me, but I see us shopping tomorrow."

"You really do hate surprises, don't you?" I laughed kissing the top of her spiky head. I had inherited some of my father's height, so I towered above Alice.

"Hate is a strong word." She laughed grabbing my hand and pulling me into her bathroom. She pushed me towards her vanity. A small smile dancing as she made up her mind. "Sit."

I sat in the plush stool that matched her vanity, and swirled the chair to face her. Automatically knowing where she'd want to start. Alice lifted a brush and lightly ran it across my eyelids. She worked for a little while, her touch was always feather light and it was almost relaxing to have her flitter around me like this. Finally, she threw the last brush into the cosmetics bag.

"You really do have the best of both worlds." She sighed. "You don't give me a lot to do. How do you improve on perfection?" She huffed gently, zipping up the bag that sat on the counter.

"I think you're biased. You're my aunt- you're supposed to say things like that." I laughed widening my eyes innocently.

Alice swung me around until I was facing the mirror, "Mirror, Nessie. Nessie, Mirror." She said wagging her finger between me and my reflection.

I stuck my tongue out at her before she started on my hair.

As always, Alice had the perfect ensemble for me to wear. The woman could dress a vagabond and make them look like a five star model. I looked in the mirror at myself. She always knew how to enhance the curves of my body. The clothes she gave me hugged my body in precisely the right places. The end product always made me look my physical age. I appreciated that because I would need all the help I could get if I was going to try and kiss Jacob tonight.

Alice raised her eyebrows at my lingering appraisal.

"Thanks, Aunt Alice." I grinned. Knowing exactly what she was waiting for. To Alice, her effort meant nothing without my approval.

"Okay, you don't want to keep Jake waiting, so go already." She laughed. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head before heading to the door.

"Have fun."

"I will." I sang and disappeared from her room.

Downstairs Jacob sat on the couch. He was making polite conversation with Jasper who always hated interrupting Alice's girl time. Jacob and I were always so aware of one another so it didn't take him long to notice me walking down the stairs. His head turned in my direction slowly. His eyes widened and his broad lips spread into his familiar smile. I hadn't even noticed my parents in the room. My eyes were on Jacob.

Alice had given him a pair of designer jeans that seemed to fit him perfectly. With it he wore a button down shirt. I had never seen him dressed like this before, but I could definitely get used to it. As always, the color of the shirt Alice had picked out had enhanced his skin tone. Alice never did anything by halves and now I could appreciate why. He was even more handsome, not that I even believed that could be possible.

"Ahem," the unsubtle reminder came from my dad.

"Hi." I mumbled embarrassed that he'd heard every thought I'd just had. I tried to clear the thoughts in my mind before I made it worse.

"You look beautiful, Ness." My mom sang in her melodic voice. She danced gracefully towards me. I just grinned at her. She would have said that if I'd been in my normal jeans and t-shirt, but her sincerity was always genuine.

"Thanks mom." I said wrapping my arms tightly around her.

"Okay, make sure you have your phone with you, and here." My dad said handing a set of keys to Jacob. "It'll be faster and safer if you take one of our cars."

Jacob lifted his eyebrows and chuckled. "Don't suppose I'm lucky enough to drive the Vanquish twice in one lifetime?" He asked hopeful. Jacob had a way with cars. It was how he'd made his money. Dowling's in Forks was still charging ludicrous prices, so Jacob offered his services. He seemed to do quite well, although I wondered where he found the time.

My dad smiled genuinely and took the keys he'd given Jacob back, and went to retrieve the Vanquish keys. The Vanquish was my dad's pride and joy, and I was surprised he relinquished it so easily. I wasn't even aware Jacob had driven it before, I would have to make sure to ask him about that. Dad threw the keys at Jacob and winked.

"I'm trusting you to take care of my girls, Jacob." He laughed referring to me and his car.

"Edward . . ." Jacob trailed off into what I knew was a thought directed at my father. My dad smiled and nodded, then wrapped his arm around my mom's waist.

"I trust you, Jake."

"Okay." My mom sighed. I knew she hated that as much as I did. "Ness, be careful sweetheart, and have fun."

She kissed me on the forehead lightly before embracing me. She stepped away letting my father wrap his arms around me.

"Be careful, and call us if there are any problems." He held me at arm's length so he could show me how serious he was with his golden eyes.

"Dad, I'm with Jake. There won't be any problems." My dad chuckled lightly, kissing me on the forehead. He knew as well as I did how true that was. Jacob would never let anything touch me.

"Not too late, you have school tomorrow."

"Love you." I whispered, resting my head on his shoulder. I knew how hard this was for my parents. The nine years of my life had gone so quickly it hadn't given them the opportunity to baby me at all. They still felt as though they should be protective, even though physically I was older than the two of them.

"Love you too, kid. Go have fun." He whispered.

Jacob was more excited than I had seen him in a while, as we strolled into the garage. His eyes widened as he unlocked the Vanquish. Another smile warmed up his face as he stared at it with admiration. I couldn't help but giggle at the pure bliss that was dancing under his dark eyes. He moved to the passenger side and opened the door for me. It appeared he was taking this date thing seriously.

I slid into the car and relaxed into the soft leather, watching as Jacob moved around the car slowly. He slid in behind the wheel. He almost looked too big with his large frame. His hands ran over the steering wheel slowly feeling the supple leather under his large hands. He sighed in content before starting the engine, his eyes sliding closed as it purred to life beneath us.

"So, you've driven the Vanquish before?" I asked lightly, almost uninterested.

"Yeah, before you were born. It was the day your dad heard your thoughts." That was the only answer I got, the abrupt ending of the sentence told me he wouldn't say anything more on the subject so I let it go. Jacob backed out of the large garage slowly, before putting it in drive and taking off down the long driveway.

"So, where are we going?" I asked.

"Seattle."

"I know that." I sighed playfully, "But where in Seattle?"

"It's a surprise."

I raised my eyebrows, he'd put more planning into this than I'd imagined. His warm hand took mine and held it as he drove. There was a comfortable silence between us as the radio played gently in the background. I hummed along with the songs I knew as I watched Jacob enjoying his drive.

It was entertaining watching his face light up as he gassed it to go around slower moving traffic. His was adorable when he was giddy.

I watched as the sky grew darker and the trees thinned. We were getting close to Seattle; the trees were giving way to the sprawling of the city. I hadn't spent much time in Seattle, or any city for that matter, and it was almost exciting. The buildings crowded the spaces that would, in my small world, normally be inhabited by trees. The billboards and overstated lighting surrounded us on every side.

It was beautiful in its own way. The larger buildings jutted out from the horizon, their lights gently twinkling in the darkened sky. And there were so many people! I could smell every individual person as they crowded the streets of the city, giving me a sensory overload. Jacob felt my hand tense beneath his.

"Everything all right?"

I smiled. "It's been a while since I've been in a city as big as this. It's just taking a little bit of effort to get used to."

Jacob chuckled, and lifted my hand to kiss it gently. "If it gets too much tell me."

"I will." I promised.

Jacob navigated the city with ease. It was obvious he'd known where he was going, and I wondered when he'd found the time to do all of it. He turned off onto a street that was quieter than any we'd been on since entering the city. The trees and open spaces widened here, and I could see Lake Washington reflecting the light of the moon. The blue light danced on the gentle ripples of the darkened water. It was actually romantic.

Jacob pulled into a small parking lot that was attached to a park that sat on the banks of the lake. It was like a small piece of home in the middle of this sprawling city. The small sign that decorated the sidewalk ahead of us read '_Warren Magnuson Park'._

"A park?" I asked gently not wanting to offend him.

"Patience." He chuckled, pushing open his door so he could get out. I waited as patiently as I could for him to stroll around to my side of the car. He opened my door and offered me his hand, helping me step out. I looked around the almost deserted lot, still confused at what we were doing here.

He shut my door behind me and walked us to the back of the car opening the trunk. Inside there were blankets and a basket that I assumed was full of food. I couldn't help but grin at him.

"Who helped you?" I asked, smiling warmly.

"Alice and Esme." He chuckled.

He handed me a couple of blankets before pulling out the basket. He shut the trunk and set the alarm on the car before taking my hand and guiding me into the darkness. The night never bothered me because my vision enabled me to see in the darkness as clearly as I could see in the daylight.

We walked slowly towards the line of trees ahead of us. His hand gently squeezed mine as though he had something to say. I couldn't let him suffer so I gave him a nudge.

"Spit it out, Jake."

"Well, when you asked about the Vanquish earlier. There's more to that story."

"Okay." I smiled in encouragement.

"Well, your dad had heard your thoughts and I felt . . . trapped."

I knew why he struggled on that last word. During my Mom's pregnancy I had taken so much out of her. She was left weak and broken because of me. It had been hard for Jacob to watch. He rarely spoke about those times. I squeezed his hand, hoping it would encourage him to carry on.

"Well, your dad heard what was in my mind and gave me the keys. He gave me a little piece of freedom. I drove here to this park. I was looking for someone to imprint on." He laughed once humorlessly. "Seems stupid now, but I just wanted the pain to stop. I didn't want to care anymore."

I frowned. "I hate to think of you desperate like that. But I'm glad you didn't find anyone."

"This is going to sound ridiculous." he warned as we closed in on the trees. "But a girl approached me and started talking to me about the Vanquish. She was nice and all, but not what I wanted. Bringing you here is my way of showing this stupid place what I really wanted."

I giggled at his admission. It was silly, but it was also the most romantic thing I'd ever heard. Hearing something like that made this place all the more magical. It also made it important. From the way he'd spoken, I knew he'd never told anyone that story before. Not outright anyway.

I let him lead me into the small cluster of trees, not asking any more questions. I trusted him and I knew letting Alice take over the plans it would be meticulously orchestrated.

Yet, something did occur to me.

"You were planning on taking the Vanquish weren't you?"

He laughed warmly pulling me into his side. "Your dad offered, once he saw where I was going. He remembered the images from that day. Anyway, you know I can't say no to driving a fine piece of machinery like that."

"I'm impressed." I giggled. I wasn't aware Jacob was capable of such deviousness, or that he was this capable of _romance_. I almost cringed at the word, but not because it wasn't what I wanted. In fact, it was completely the opposite; it was exactly what I wanted. It was the fact that my family had helped orchestrate all of this that was a little disconcerting. Especially when I look at my motivation, my reasoning for wanting to get him alone. I could feel a small blush creep into my cheeks.

We walked a little way into the trees before I became aware of anything different. I instantly knew we were close when a warm glow cast shadows across the ground. The limbs of the trees stretched out and deformed as they danced in the flickering light.

My heart beat picked up with every step that brought us closer to the light, but the trees obscured my vision of what was creating it. I kept pace with Jacob as we walked forward. I was growing curious and impatient.

Finally, we stepped into a small area. It had obviously been recently cleared. The bracken and leaves had been swept to the side leaving the grass and dirt clear. Strung around the trees were cleverly made candle holders. They were clever because they blocked the wind from extinguishing their flames. They freely cast the warm glow across the cleared space, creating a warm and inviting look.

Jacob watched me silently as my eyes drank in the sight surrounding me. It was perfect. Nothing could have made this moment any better that it was right now.

"What did you do?" I gasped an elated smile crossing my lips.

"Alice told me you would appreciate this more than any restaurant." He said nervously.

"My aunt was right, Jacob, this is . . . Thank you."

Jacob pulled the blankets from my arms and spread them across the cleared ground. He dropped the basket on the corner of it before sinking down to lounge on the material. I knelt beside him, my eyes still scanning the trees surrounding us.

"How did you get all these lit before we arrived?"

Jacob grinned. "Embry offered. He wanted to get out of La Push for a while."

"Embry's here?" My voice went up an octave as I scanned the trees.

"No, he just came to light the candles. He and Quil had something planned in the city. Quil doesn't have Claire tonight."

"You have good friends, Jake."

"I do." He said thoughtfully. "But I would have found a way to do this even if I didn't. You're worth it, Ness. I want you to be happy."

"I am happy, Jake."

I lay myself down beside him and snuggled into his side. His warm arm wrapped around me, pulling me to him. My head came to rest on his shoulder. I inhaled the scent of him. It was my home, something as familiar to me as my own heartbeat. It brought a sense of comfort with it. I felt myself relax into him and his hand gently stroked up and down my arm, leaving a trail of prickly fire in its wake.

He was silent in his thoughtfulness. I listened to the steady rhythm of his heart, the calming inhales and exhales of his breath. It was so easy to just be near him. I let my hand rest on his chest and watched it rise and fall with each of his breaths. The shadows cast by the candles danced and flickered to their own melody. I felt so peaceful, so content.

"Ness,"

His voice sent a soft wave of vibrations through my hands, and I smiled lifting my head to look at him. His eyes were so warm in that one moment I almost lost myself in them. My heart took off in my chest as we just looked at one another.

"I love you." He whispered lifting his head to kiss my nose.

I smiled at him. "I love you, too, Jake."

He watched me for a while longer, and I could see a change passing behind his expressive eyes. They burned with a sudden intensity that caused my breath to catch in my throat. My heart began to hammer against my ribs, and my mind swirled with incoherence. His face moved until it was only inches from mine. I could feel his warm breath brushing against my skin. I froze, too afraid that any movement I made would change his mind from what he was about to do.

His warm, soft lips brushed against mine gently, but before I could even slide my eyes closed he was gone.

My eyes trained in on him immediately. His eyes were closed, a small crease formed on his forehead. I waited until he opened his eyes. They no longer burned, but they were full of confusion.

"Ness, I'm . . ."

I rolled onto my back and released the breath I had been holding. I didn't want him to apologize for kissing me, no matter how light and mercurial it had been. It hadn't been the deep, passion filled kiss I had been fantasizing about, but it was a kiss. Finally, not the platonic kind.

My actions had derailed his sentence before he could finish it. He rolled onto his side and watched me carefully. I closed my eyes and tried to remember the feeling of his lips on mine. It was so fleeting, so light. It was almost like it hadn't happened at all.

"Ness," I could hear the concern in his voice as he waited for me to look at him, but I couldn't open my eyes. I was lost in that one moment. I felt his warm hand cup my cheek, his thumb traced light patterns under my eyes. "Nessie, look at me."

I sighed and let my eyes slide open. I blinked quickly when I realized how close he was to me. His eyes were a different kind of intense now. They were filled with angst. They flickered between my lips and my eyes, full of indecision. His mouth twitched gently, the warm russet skin trembled slightly.

In that one moment, I realized he wanted to kiss me, just as much as I wanted him to kiss me. He was torn, his desires and his conscience pulling him in different directions. I tried to keep the smile from my lips as the realization took control of me. He did want me. I lifted my hand and placed against the hand of his that cupped my cheek.

"Jake."

"I know." He whispered. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine, my heart spluttered uncontrollably.

"Why?" I needed to know why he was not only fighting me, but why he was fighting himself.

"I just need a little more time."

"It's a kiss, Jacob."

"Ness . . ."

I didn't want this to ruin our night. I knew I was being demanding. I knew how difficult this was for him. I had been forced to see his perspective too many times by the people I loved the most. This was why I felt the need to talk to Alice. She would see my side as well as Jacob's. She was the most objective person I knew.

There was the hope that she would at least listen to my side. Listen to how I felt before she made her judgment. For now though I could see what this conversation was doing to Jacob. Seeing that pain in his eyes was not something I enjoyed.

I decided to change the subject, hoping that he would relax again and fall into the comfort I always felt with him so close to me. It would be painfully obvious what I was doing, but in that one moment it really didn't seem to matter.

"So, what did you bring to eat?" I asked hoping that he would take the bait and drop the awkward conversation. I gave him my brightest smile when his eyes finally slid open.

Jacob chuckled lightly, he sat us both up and pulled the basket towards us. He opened it slowly, his booming laughter filling the small space. I looked in and saw the perfect spread with all of our favorite foods.

"Esme." We both said at the same time, our laughter mingling together dispelling the awkwardness that had briefly taken control of us. The questions could wait. For now, I wanted to spend time with Jacob.

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_**A/N:**_** Song: Closer: Kings of Leon (Songs can be heard on my website, the link is on my prfile =])**

**Sorry I am posting so late, I had a major lapse of memory lol. i sometimes get lost in my head and forget things. At least it's still Sunday though, I hope I get points for that at least LOL.**

**I am so sad that I just read an official statement from Summit saying that Catherine Hardwicke will not be directing New Moon. I'm just not sure how it will all work out without her vision behind it. She's as big a fan as all of us, and I'm concerned that it just won't be the same! (Okay that was off topic sorry.)**

**As always thank you to Orioncat and Vicki for their awesomeness and willingness to talk Twilight till all hours of the morning. Thanks Jackie for all your Beta-ing. You totally rock, and Vicki, thank you for being such an encouragement.**

**Thanks for all the faves and alerts, and as always THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THE REVIEWERS . . . YOU GUYS ARE SO SWEET AND AWESOME . . . I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY . . . YOU GUYS REALLY DO ROCK!!!**

**SEE YOU ON WEDNESDAY - BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	5. Chapter 4: Shadowplay

_**All Things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**

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**_**Chapter 4: Shadowplay**

The rest of the evening with Jacob had been pleasant -actually more than pleasant.

We hadn't spent too much time alone, especially since we realized how we felt about one another. It was almost as though we had been afraid to really just talk between the two of us.

Our conversation had been easy and natural. We spoke about everything, including the incident when he'd been banned from school. He knew exactly where he'd gone wrong, but he didn't regret it. It had brought us to that one moment. A moment neither of us regretted.

He'd gotten me home on time, but only because he was driving like my dad. Unfortunately, he just didn't seem to have as much control. I think it was the first time I felt the need to wear a seat belt.

Of course Anna was waiting for me eagerly the next morning, she waved at Jacob and he chuckled.

"What did you tell her?"

"That we were going on a date. Why?"

"She looks ready to spontaneously combust." He laughed, returning her wave.

It was cold this morning. This was made all the more obvious with Anna's dancing. I bit back the laugh that was building in my chest. I was still feeling the jubilance of last night. Even my parents had commented on it before I'd left this morning. Glowing was the term my mom used. My dad simply scowled until Jacob arrived.

"I'd better go." I giggled.

"I'll pick you up after school." Jacob said smiling warmly.

I bit my lip, I had forgotten to mention the trip I had planned with my aunt the night before. I still wanted to speak to her.

"Alice is coming to get me." I sighed.

He chuckled again. "More shopping?"

"It's an excuse to get her on her own. I want to talk to her."

"About what?"

Crap! I hadn't wanted to tell him my motivations because he would try and talk me out of it. But I refused to lie to him, so I took a chance on diversionary tactics and leaned forward, kissing him gently on the lips.

"I'll call you when I get home," I whispered and climbed out of the car before he could catch me or find his voice. I smiled to myself triumphantly as I ran slowly towards Anna. I'd promised myself last night that I would kiss him on the lips from now on. A quick peck on the lips wouldn't hurt anything. That had been proven last night.

"I saw that!" Anna laughed, looping her arm in mine and heading towards the school. I looked over my shoulder quickly. Jacob was still sat in his car, his eyes on me. I smiled and waved before disappearing through the door.

"So, what happened? Are you going to make me drag it out of you?"

I smiled as we headed towards our lockers. I explained everything, from the clothes, to the drive, to the small clearing in the park. I even told her about the small kiss he'd given me.

"So there was no big make out scene?" Anna asked, disappointed.

"No, but I figured something out."

"Okay. What was that?"

"He wants to kiss me, it's just he's so confused about the other stuff." I said looking around at a girl who stood against the locker behind us. I hated talking about personal things with an audience. Talking with Anna was easy because she knew everything. Sometimes, I forgot that.

"Other stuff?"

I widened my eyes.

"Oh, your age."

"Yes, that." I said quietly as I eyed the girl again.

Anna placed both of her hands on my arms and kept her face serious as she looked at me. She almost looked determined.

"You have to take what you want, Ness."

"I just . . ."

Anna covered my mouth with her hand. "Take it!" she said sternly, "If you wait for him to make a move, you'll drive yourself crazy."

"I don't want to make him uncomfortable. You may not think about my age, and I sure as hell don't. But it's different for Jacob. He's known me my entire life."

Anna sighed and bounced impatiently on the balls of her feet. She looked around us as though she expected someone to jump out and surprise her. The girl that had been at the locker behind us had already left. My glances had made her uncomfortable, I was sure of that. The rest of the students were at the other end of the hall. I followed her gaze around the empty space that surrounded us again.

"What's the matter with you?" I asked.

"If Seth knew I was telling you this, if Jacob ever found out, I would be toast."

I frowned at her, what would Jacob keep secret from me that Seth would know about? Jacob and I had always been so honest with one another. We always talked about his patrols. He sometimes even mentioned some of the problems he was having with his pack. What would he feel the need to hide from me?

"He hasn't spoken to Seth about this. Seth sees it while they're . . . running." She said deciding the description was safe enough for the location. Her eyes made another circle around the space before locking back on me.

"Oh" It was Jacob's private thoughts. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear this anymore, it was something Jacob hated as a wolf. His pack members shared his thoughts while they were in their wolf form- they had no secrets because of it. I felt ashamed that I wanted to hear what Anna had to say, but part of me needed to know. I needed to hear what he really thought about the whole thing. It was obviously important enough for Anna to break her word to Seth.

"Okay, I won't say a word." I promised hesitantly.

Anna hesitated before leaning onto me, her voice was low and quiet. "Jacob isn't bothered about your age. He knows that you're fully matured. He sees the woman that you are." She bit her lip contemplatively. I knew it was hard for her to betray Seth's trust like this, and she was doing it for me.

"Then what is it?" I whispered as fear clawed at me as I tried to decide if I really wanted to know or not.

"Your dad. He made a promise to your dad when you were still a baby. Seth said it was after your parents spoke to Nahuel, and they realized that you would fully mature by the age of seven. You're dad was worried, he didn't know what was going to happen. So Jacob made a promise, not realizing how hard it would be to keep."

"What was the promise?"

Anna sighed and looked around herself again. We were running out of time and the bell would ring soon. I couldn't leave this conversation open ended.

"Anna."

She looked me directly in the eyes. "To wait until your years caught up to your age."

"WHAT?" I could hear the strangled gargle in my voice. I looked around this time making sure my loud question hadn't drawn unwanted attention.

"To wait until your eighteen _years_ old."

"That's . . . what . . . huh."

"Ness, you can't say anything, maybe if you make the first move it'll be different." She shook me gently for emphasis.

"Jacob's a man of his word, Anna. Even if I make the first move, he'll stop it."

Crap. I knew how right I was. Why the hell would he make a promise like that? Maybe he'd thought it would be difficult to get over my age. I closed my eyes and dropped my head into my hands. Stupid, loyal werewolf, why did he have to make such a stupid promise? I was relieved to know that he wanted me, but I knew he would never break a promise to my dad.

Anna patted my arm gently. She knew as well as I did that there was no way to go about this without it going full circle to Jacob. No matter how angry I was at my dad, I would never hurt Jacob that way. I had to find a way around this without revealing what I knew. It would be difficult, but there had to be a way.

"Come on, we're gonna be late," Anna said, towing me behind her.

I was mortified, to say the least. No wonder my father had no worries about Jacob taking me on a date last night. He had an iron clad promise from Jacob. I didn't even pay attention in class for the first two periods. I laid my head on my desk and let the thoughts dance around my mind. I was trying to find a solution to my problem, anything that would fix this. Why couldn't they have just let nature take its course? I knew that my dad had wanted what was best for me because he loved me. He always did overreact when it came to me and my mom. I should have known.

Anna dragged me from class to class. She finally had to dump me off outside Trig and run to make her class. I ignored the teacher as I sat in my little corner of the room. The shock was bordering with my anger.

I needed to think about this while I had the opportunity to. I couldn't let this into my mind for a second around my dad. He would pluck this out like a prize turkey for thanksgiving. If I was going to think about it, it had to be now.

Seeing that look in Jacob's eyes last night had given me some sort of idea they were involved. I wasn't stupid. I knew my parents had spoken to Jacob about it. It wasn't rocket science. I was their only child. I would be their only child. Every vampire in the house was protective of me for that very reason. But this was unreasonable.

Anna met me outside of trig and guided me to lunch. She sat me at our normal table. I hadn't even noticed she left to get food until she put a tray down in front of me.

"Ness, you have to snap out of this, you're being over dramatic."

I knew she was right, but it didn't take the sting out of her verbal slap.

"Look, the way I see it is you have two choices."

"Which are?"

"You let it go, or do something about it."

"Not helping, Anna." I picked up a fry from the tray she'd slipped in front of me and popped it into my mouth. Human food was a little tasteless to me; but the school food was like cardboard. I ate to fit in with everyone else.

"Well, I've been thinking about what I would do in your situation."

"And what's that?" I asked, taking another bite.

"Your parents want you to be happy."

"Of course."

"Show them how unhappy you are."

"Unhappy?"

"They know how you feel about Jacob. They also know how mature you are. Think about it."

"That won't be awkward. Complaining about Jacob not kissing me? Are you insane?"

"There are other people in your house, Nessie. People you_ can_ talk to about this."

I thought about what she'd said and ran through the possibilities in my head. She was right of course.  
It would just be finding the right person to talk to . . . Alice. Of course! Was that why I'd decided to talk to her? Of course it was.

I'd figured my parents were putting pressure on Jacob, as well as his own doubts. It wouldn't deviate that far from my original plan anyway. I wouldn't be able to mention how much I knew, but I could still complain.

"I love you, Anna." I grinned.

She gave me a satisfied smile. "Glad I could help. Let me guess. Alice?"

I nodded thoughtfully. Now it was just finding the right words to say. Alice knew me well enough to see through my lies. I would have to forget everything Anna told me this morning and keep my original doubts. Doubts she'd always known I'd had.

I spent the rest of the afternoon deciding how I would execute my little plan. I needed to make sure there were no concrete decisions made. She wouldn't directly see them. She would always see something though. Alice was a bright, intelligent person. I didn't want her to get the impression I was using her. I was, in a way. But that was only because I wanted to protect my sources.

Alice sat in her yellow Porsche outside of the school waiting for me where she said she would be. She wasn't supposed to drive the Porsche around town, but the tint made it a little less conspicuous. I slid inside and pulled the door closed behind me. I flashed a weak smile before pulling on the seat belt.

"How was school?" she sang as she threw the car into gear and took off.

"Boring." I said, keeping my tones low and bored.

She stared at me as she headed out of town, she knew something was wrong. I was normally sunny and happy. What did I have to be down about? I sighed and looked over at her.

"What's the matter, Ness?"

"Nothing," I lied turning my head to look out the window. I hated this, I hated the deception. I didn't like to lie and I was terrible at it anyway. This wasn't a lie though, just a strange variation of the truth.

"You don't want to go to the mall?" She asked sounding a little hurt.

"Yeah, I do." I gave her another half-hearted smile and gazed out the window again. I immediately felt guilty for using her concern for me to gain what I wanted. I knew my aunt better than that, the only way she would betray my trust would be if she thought about it around my father. Even then it would be subconscious, not her fault at all.

"What's going on, Renesmee?"

I was stalling by not answering her. I didn't know how I wanted to do this. Should I stick to the original plan and act as though I didn't know anything? Or did I tell her everything I knew and ask her to try not to think about it around my dad? I couldn't take the chance of getting Anna caught for telling me; it would be unfair and Jacob would be upset with Seth. I had to stay with the deception, no matter how much I hated to do this.

"I feel a little weird talking about it."

"Try me."

"I just don't know how to start. I'm so confused."

"Nessie, you know I have no idea what you're talking about. Show me if that would be easier."

I nodded so she pulled the Porsche to the shoulder of the highway. A large truck honked at us as we pulled to a stop. Alice smiled encouragingly. I was going to have to be careful here to keep my thoughts on the things I wanted her to see. I placed my hand on her cheek and thought about every frustrating moment with Jacob. I focused on my emotions, my confusion, and my pain. The feelings of rejection ran through my hands as I replayed last night, the small, inconsequential kiss Jacob and I had shared. The pain in his eyes, the frustration as I realized he wanted it as much as I did.

I dropped my hand before today's revelation flooded my mind and watched my aunt carefully. She was smart, and very perceptive. I was surprised she hadn't realized what I was doing.

"Hmm."

"What?" I asked. My hand was playing absently with the bracelet Jacob had given me that first Christmas. Maybe I should have thought this through a little more.

"He imprinted on you Ness, I don't understand why you feel so rejected."

"That's just it, all of this," I lifted my hands to emphasize what I had shown her. "It makes me feel like he's with me because he has no choice. I know he loves me, but I just feel as though he wishes he had a choice. I'm half vampire Aunt Alice. I know how hard that has to be for him."

"Ness, honey. He worships the ground you walk on. I don't need your Dad's talent to see that. The moment you walk into a room he lights up, like his world all of a sudden makes sense. I have no doubt that even if he did have a choice, he would pick you."

"But the rejection. Am I that hideous?"

Alice growled gently.

"Sorry."

Alice hated my self-doubt. She was always complimenting me on my beauty. So anything I said to contradict that made her angry.

"Look, I know it's confusing, but you need to give him time."

"_Time?_ How much time? I really don't know how much more of this _I_ can take."

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

I shrugged my shoulders gently, before resting my head on the back of the seat. I realized that I had told her my darkest fear. A fear that I had carried with me without realizing that it was there. I knew I was beautiful, as conceited as that sounded; it was part of who I was. As a half-human, half-vampire I possessed all the beauty of a vampire, softened by my human side. Still, it didn't stop me from feeling self conscious.

It was the most human part of me. Insecurities seemed to be part of human nature. I hated that I felt this way, but it was strengthened every time Jacob rejected me. That was something I would never admit to out loud.

"Look, leave it with me, and I'll see what I can do. I'm not making any promises, but I can see how much this is affecting you."

"Thanks, Alice,"

She smiled at me warmly before taking off from the shoulder again with a thoughtful crease running between her eyes. I was beginning to wonder if she was forming a plan of her own. She weaved the Porsche through the traffic quickly sliding into places that most humans would avoid. Horns blared after us, but it only encouraged her further.

I looked out the window and thought about my newest epiphany. I found solace in the fact that I wasn't what was holding Jacob back. It would have made everything so much easier if I'd known this from the beginning. But I couldn't deny the elation that had surged through me when I saw the struggle behind his eyes the previous night. The waves of excitement as I realized he wanted me.

My family had done everything they possibly could to make me feel normal. To give me a sense of security, but what they failed to see was how much their interference in this one thing negated their efforts. Part of being a teenager, part of growing up, was falling in love.

I didn't even know how to tell them that. I felt selfish and ungrateful. They were always trying so hard. I would have to wait and see what Alice's efforts would do. I trusted her, it was the reason I had thought about her to begin with.

It wasn't that I didn't trust my aunt Rosalie, I did. The thing was I knew how she felt about Jacob. The two of them never got along. They tolerated each other now, but it was only because of me. It was something I was painfully aware of.

My grandmother, as understanding as she was, liked Jacob. She loved having him around the house. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to talk to her about things like this because I wasn't sure if she would understand.

Then there was my mom. I knew she loved Jacob, she always had, but I hadn't known if she was part of this promise my dad held Jacob to.

Alice was my only hope. She was the most objective, she understood me in ways the others couldn't and it was because of her history. She couldn't remember her human life, so there were only the memories of her immortality. It was the lack of her childhood that made us kindred spirits. She hadn't had one she could remember. I remembered mine but it had passed me by so quickly because of my mental development, she understood that.

All I could do now was wait. There was nothing that could be done immediately because we were at the mall, and I had a feeling we would be here for a while. . . .As always, Alice didn't disappoint.

By the time Alice and I got home, I was ready for bed. The woman was insatiable. She would flit elegantly from store to store. She could spot something she wanted from a mile away. The store clerks never knew what to make of her. She was demanding, and didn't appreciate her time being wasted. It was also amazing how ferocious she could be.

I had been glad of the distraction and fatigue. I knew it would be hard to keep the thoughts from my mind, especially when I saw my father.

I couldn't really say I was angry anymore. I knew him too well; everything he did was to protect me because he loved me. I couldn't be upset about that. What I was upset about was that no one had told me. No one thought that I should know. I didn't know how many people knew about this promise, and there was a chance I would never find out.

I let myself linger on it as Alice drove us home. As soon as we turned onto the driveway, I pushed it out of my mind, knowing that my dad would spot the out of place thoughts in a second. Alice pulled into the garage and cut the engine.

"Thanks, Aunt Alice. I had fun."

"It didn't distract you for long though." She smiled, patting my hand.

I let the images I had shown her swirl through my mind. I let my epiphany play out again for my father's benefit, knowing he would be listening. Then, I forced a smile. "It was a great distraction though."

Alice laughed; it was a bell like sound. It was almost uplifting.

"What do you say we get some help to carry all of this upstairs?"

I agreed, but there was really no need. Jasper appeared almost immediately, kissing Alice lightly on the lips as he greeted us both. His eyes lingered on me for a while and I knew why. My mood was very apparent to him.

"Did you have fun?" He asked smiling at me. I could see he was unsure. It was unusual for me to be so forlorn.

"Of course." I smiled a little more genuinely this time. Jasper was so easy to like. A lot of the time he was drawn to me because I was so happy. He enjoyed that part of me. It took away from some of the other emotions he dealt with in our house.

Jasper looked to Alice and then back at me. Alice shook her head gently. It was a warning not to bring it up. Again she had given me an easy way out. Jasper would know soon enough what was wrong with me. Alice didn't keep much from him, and this was no secret. It was just something I would never discuss with my uncles.

I picked up some of the bags that had been deemed mine and headed towards the house. All I really wanted to do was hide in my room, but I knew I would probably have to fake a smile at my parents before stowing myself away.

I cheered internally as I passed through the living room of the house. No one was around. It meant I was free to wallow in my room without anyone bothering me. I dropped the bags I had in front of my closet and sank into my bed. The way it conformed itself around me was heavenly.

My eyes slid closed as I categorized this feeling. It wasn't often I came back exhausted, but being emotionally drained, as well as physically, was taking its toll. I was barely aware of the door opening as someone dropped off a couple more bags. I didn't even look. My eyes were fighting anything to do with opening again.

I just hoped that things would look better in the morning. I hated feeling like this. I hated the small amount of resentment that boiled under the surface. I couldn't understand why everything had to be so complicated. I just didn't want to feel that rejection anymore. I was ready to start my life.

I tried to block the thoughts for now. I just wanted some of the peace I'd had before all of this started this morning. I rolled over to my side and pulled my knees into my chest, letting the seed of hope plant itself firmly in the back of my mind. It would all work out. It had to.

* * *

**A/N: **

**SONG: SHADOWPLAY: THE KILLERS**

**Bad Edward! LOL. Just another thank you to my Beta, Orioncat, still made of awesome :)**

**Vicki; Thank you for being as insane as I am lol; I do appreciate it. **

**Thank you for the faves and Alerts and as always . . . THANKS TO THE REVIEWERS. YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME ;) **

**TILL SATURDAY - BIG HUGS - L -  
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	6. Chapter 5: Salute Your Solution

**_All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer_**

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**Chapter 5: Salute your Solution**

I woke in my darkened room feeling rested. Letting the thoughts go had given me a restful sleep, but I instantly felt guilty about not calling Jacob. I had never gone this long without talking to him. I rolled over and looked at my alarm clock that glowed from the night stand. It was almost four in the morning. Jacob would be running with his pack, he was on the early patrol so he could spend time with me. If I left it for another hour, he'd be on his way to pick me up for school.

I really didn't want to wait that long to see him. This being the longest seperation yet; made me unusually anxious, even when it had been my actions that had contrived it. Jacob didn't carry a phone with him while he was running, so I guessed it was moot point anyway.

I was wide awake now and decided to do something proactive. My throat had been bothering me a little the last couple of days; I had put off hunting too long. I needed to satiate my thirst for a while. It could get unnecessarily uncomfortable if I left it too much longer, human food masked it; but didn't remove it completely. I was certain my mom would come with me; I hadn't spent a lot of time with her lately.

I rolled from the bed and placed my feet on the floor. I would change into an old pair of sweats. I didn't hunt in the dark much and I didn't want to destroy anything I liked. Not to mention, Alice wouldn't hesitate to murder me in my sleep if I spilled anything on some of the more fashionable items she'd picked for me.

I pushed the bags from the shopping trip to the side with my foot and stepped into the closet. I could hear the mumbling of voices downstairs which never really surprised me; considering I was the only one who slept. What did surprise me was when I could hear the angrier tones growing, there was tension.

Our house was a peaceful place usually. The only cause for raised voices was Emmett's taunting- even then the tenor of the shouts were playful and boisterous. Now though, the voices were angry, there was a tenor to the shouts that made me uncomfortable. It caused a shiver to roll down my spine.

I threw on my sweats before heading to the door; eavesdropping in this house wasn't the easiest thing to do; especially with some of the more prodigious gifts my family possessed. I cracked it as quietly as I could and stepped into the hall.

"Bella, calm down, please." My dad's voice was pleading; in ran clearly through the quiet house easily reaching me.

"Why would you do that without talking to me first?" My mom's voice had the edge of a razor to it. It didn't happen often but I could imagine the look of anger that would flash behind her eyes as she spoke like that.

"I wanted to protect her, it was the only thing I could think to do."

"Did you even stop to consider her feelings?"

"Bella," My dad's velvet tones were soft and comforting; he was trying to placate her. He did that when he knew he was in the wrong. He hated any kind of negativity between them. As I said it didn't happen very often but I knew the drill when it did.

My mom sighed gently, "I know you were trying to do the right thing, Edward. That's why I love you so very much, but you didn't talk to me about it. She's _our _daughter. You should have spoken to me about this."

"I know."

There was a slight pause in conversation and I edged back into my room. I was hoping they hadn't been alerted to my presence; I headn't heard anything that would indicated what was going on. It was just obvious I was the catalyst.

"Alice, what exactly did she say?' My mom asked, concern taking the place of the anger.

"She didn't _say_ anything; she showed me. She feels so much confusion. She's hurt, and feels rejected; she blames herself . . ."

I stepped closer to the stairs noiselessly. The wave of guilt that was consuming me was almost sickening. I'd caused this conflict with my selfishness. I hadn't noticed Alice's trailing off from her sentence. There was silence downstairs now. I wondered whether it had been my thoughts or my heartbeat. I cursed them both silently and continued to the top the stairs, at least this way everything was out in the open. I just couldn't let them know anything other than what I'd heard.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly as I started down the stairs. There were only four people in the living room: Alice, Jasper and my parents.

My mom's concerned eyes zoned in on me. "Nessie. You're awake."

I raised my eyebrows gently. _She hadn't known. She hadn't known what?_ I forced the thoughts into my head as I realized my father was waiting for something- perhaps some kind of recognition to run through my mind. As a counter act; I thought only about the words I'd heard them exchange.

"What didn't you know?" I asked letting her arms wrap around me in a tight embrace.

"It's nothing, sweetheart."

"It didn't sound like nothing, Mom."

"Ness . . ." her tone told me that she was going to pawn it off, that she was going to try and change the subject. I didn't appreciate that at all. They knew better than to act as though everything was fine. They knew my hearing was just as good as all of theirs.

"Please, don't treat me like a child."

Silence filled the room as they contemplated how to explain what was going on to me. I wasn't sure if I was going to get the truth. I looked to Alice, but she was glaring at my father.

"I made a bad decision a couple of years ago, Nessie." My dad said stepping forward.

I watched him as he stepped closer again. He was still trying to find my thoughts.

_'What's this got to do with what I showed Aunt Alice?'_ I asked him in my mind, the tenor of them were more unfriendly than I had intended.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that." I whispered after I saw the pain flash across his topaz eyes. I loved my parents and respected them. Causing my parents pain left me feeling empty inside, and seeing that pain made mine superfluous. I really wanted to be angry, I should have been angry, but . . .

"You have a right to be angry." He said quietly.

I sighed in defeat. There was no way I could continue even trying to be angry. My dad's face was full of remorse. I rolled my eyes and touched my mom's arm gently. She released me from her embrace, and stepped away from me leaving a space for my father to step in and wrap his arms around me. I let my arms circle his waist and rested my head on his shoulder. I hated seeing them hurting like this.

"Stop feeling guilty, Ness." He whispered.

"I really don't understand what all this is about," I sighed. "All I know is that mom's mad at you because of me."

"Nessie, how much did you hear?" My mom asked quietly. Her hand was on my back so she could touch both me and my father. It was always how she tried to comfort us both.

"That dad did something to protect me without asking you, or talking to you about it. My feelings weren't considered, and that it has something to do with what I showed Aunt Alice today." I listed still leaning against my dad. I could feel him relaxing. His hand patted my back gently.

"All you need to know is that I'll fix it." He said kissing my forehead. He stepped towards my mom and kissed her gently on the temple. "I'm sorry, Love."

I looked to Alice then who winked at me with a broad smile. I fought the urge to think about it. I didn't want to hurt my parents because of my selfishness. I didn't want to ask what was going on anymore- it had already caused too much anxiety. I just had to trust what they told me.

Now that the problem was out in the open, things seemed to calm down a little. I lost my appetite completely. The thirst I had woken up with had eased since the tension had consumed me. It was a little after four and all I could think about was how much I wanted to see Jacob, he always made me calmer. I was going to call him, even if I had to leave a message.

I tried to reassure my parents. They were both eyeing me with measured concern as I tried to leave the room. I needed that sense of calm. I needed Jacob. I tried formally excusing myself so I could call him. My need to escape seemed to bring another avenue of worry to my parents, I was guessing that they weren't sure how angry I really was.

After another round of apologies from my dad and mom, I escaped the room and headed upstairs. I ran along the hall to my room and flicked on my light. No need to hide my consciousness now.

I pulled my cell phone from my bag and flipped it open. I couldn't resist the smile when I saw I had four missed calls. He'd called my mom already. I knew that much because it was how it always was when I forgot my phone, or if I let it die because I'd forgotten to charge it. Not knowing where I was, or whether I was alright made him nervous. It was exactly the same for me, but I tended to be less irrational about it.

I hit the call-back button and waited as it rang. He picked up on the second ring.

"Hey Ness."

The sound of his voice immediately made me feel better. I relaxed, falling into the down pillows.

"I'm so sorry." I laughed.

"S'okay. Your mom said you were sleeping. Shopping with Alice must have been monumental."

"It was. I actually had fun."

"Sure, sure."

"I did, Alice is very entertaining to watch."

Jacob chuckled lightly.

"I missed you though."

"Yeah, me too." His husky voice was so sincere I couldn't help but smile.

"You wanna come over early, spend some time with me?" I asked hopeful.

Jacob barked out a laugh, and I could hear the embarrassment he was trying to cover up. I should have known he would be on his way. He had as much trouble as I did when it came to staying away from one another. The feeling was like an itch you couldn't scratch. All of that went away as soon as he was close.

"You're already on your way?" I guessed with a laugh.

"I figured sleeping as long as you did, you'd be up early."

"You know me so well." I laughed. "Where are you?"

"Five thirty, driving through town."

My heart fluttered with elation, it would only take him another ten minutes to get here; depending on his speed. "Okay, I'm going to jump in the shower. I'll see you when you get here."

"See you soon."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

I hit the end button on my phone and danced towards my bathroom. I loved that he knew me so well. I turned on the water and waited for it to heat up. The steam filled the room relaxing me.

I took a quick shower knowing it wouldn't take long for Jacob to get to the house. The bags from the trip to the mall were still sitting outside of the closet door and I rifled through them trying to find the pair of jeans I had fallen in love with. Alice had picked them out and, of course, when I tried them on they fit perfectly.

I was drying my hair when I heard his car pull up outside, but I figured he wouldn't mind waiting for a couple of minutes while I finished getting ready. I finished drying my hair and pulled on my hoodie and shoes, and then picked up my bag and headed for the door. I wouldn't need my bag immediately, but it would mean I wouldn't have to come upstairs again. I dropped it by the front door and headed towards where I knew Jacob would be-the kitchen.

When I strolled in, my mom was the only one in there. She was cooking breakfast. This was as familiar as Esme being in the kitchen. My mom had always done the cooking for Charlie when she lived with him. The skills had never really left her. She always took on cooking duty when Esme had other plans; or when she felt the need to be maternal. I guessed the latter was the cause for this morning's culinary creation.

"Where'd Jake go?" I asked, sliding into one of the chairs in the breakfast room.

"Outside with your dad." She said smiling. I fought the thoughts that tried to flood my mind. If they were close my dad would hear anything that ran through my mind. My eyes flickered back to my mom, as she brought me over a plate and sat down across from me. Her gold eyes appraised me gently.

"Ness, I'm sorry we woke you this morning."

"You didn't wake me up." I said smiling. "I was going to ask you to go hunting with me. I haven't been in a while; and I though it would be nice to spend time with you."

"Are you thirsty?"

I smiled at her. "Nothing unbearable. Just had some spare time."

She nodded accepting my answer. "Ness, look; I know you don't understand what all that was about this morning. A couple of things that happened a long time ago was brought to my attention. I hadn't known about them until this morning. However, Alice told us you were upset. I hate to think you feel like you can't talk to us, well, me in particular."

I smiled warmly at the beautiful vampire across from me with my most genuine smile. I hated that she thought I hadn't spoken to her because I didn't trust her. But I loved her for being so completely honest with me. She was never really one for petty squabbles and lies. She preferred everything to be laid out in front of her so she could make a decision based on facts alone. She was rarely impulsive, and I knew that all of these traits were passed down to her from Charlie. I had some of it in me as well.

"I know I can talk to you mom, but you still see me as a child. You refuse to look past that."

"That's not fair, Ness."

I smiled at her again. "I'm not trying to be ugly, Mom. I love you, and I don't mind you seeing me that way sometimes, because I like being your little girl."

She grinned and shook her head. "You have absolutely no idea how much you mean to me."

"I know how much you mean to me." I offered smiling.

She laughed in the most melodic way. I loved her laugh. It reminded me of my childhood. It was always such a reassuring sound to me, it was yet another form of home. Her laugh had been a constant. She was happy, probably one of the happiest people I knew. When I asked her about that, she would tell me it's because she had everything she'd ever wanted. I guess that made sense.

"Eat." She demanded; nodding at my food.

I picked up my fork and cut some of the pancake off before stuffing it into my mouth. She laughed again and shook her head at the deliberate movements I'd made. She pulled some fluffy tabloid that was laid on the table in front of her and flipped it open. It was Anna's magazine. Before she'd met Seth, she'd had a dream of going to Hollywood and becoming one of the sirens pasted on the pages of magazines.

It seemed so silly to me, but I had lived trying to stay out of the spotlight rather than calling to it. It was how the entire family was. It also made perfect sense. As vampires we didn't need unnecessary attention drawn to us. To do so would be dangerous; it would call attention to what we were, and we all knew the consequenses for that.

I'd finished my plate and helped with the dishes before Jacob got back with my dad. There was a plate, more of a platter, of pancakes set aside for Jacob in the microwave.

I heard them before I saw them. My dad was laughing at something I hadn't heard, his smile was spread wide across his face as they appeared from the trees. Jacob looked a little uneasy, but his mouth held a smile I hadn't realized I'd been waiting to see.

They came in through the back door, my dad immediately moved to my mom, and Jacob grinned at me.

"Where have you been?" I asked pulling his food from the microwave and handing it to him with a kiss on the cheek.

"Sorry, Ness. That was my fault." My dad laughed gently. He snaked his arm around my mom's waist and buried his head in her hair. My mom's smile was content as she gently placed her hand on his cheek. I always felt as though I was intruding when they acted like this in front of me. They were so in love, you could read it in the way they moved around one another.

I moved to the table to sit with Jake. I pulled my legs up to my chest and laid my head on my knees. I looked over at my parents again. They were lost in a silent conversation. My mom had learned how to let my dad see selective thoughts. The look in their eyes told me I didn't _want_ to know what they were talking about. My dad grinned and looked up at me with amused eyes.

"Have a good day at school, Ness. We'll see you tonight."

I raised my eyebrows and nodded at them. "See you tonight." I must have been right.

The two of them swiftly disappeared from the room. They were very obviously giving us space, or looking for some of their own. I heard my dad's laughter from across the house at my thought. It must have been the latter and I cringed internally. A perfect harmony of laughter reached me.

I decided to distract myself; so I watched Jacob eat in silence for a while. I knew he could feel my eyes on him, but I didn't care. I was just happy he was here. His eyes wandered to me full of curiosity.

"What?" He asked after swallowing a mouthful of food.

I shook my head and smiled. Still chewing, he motioned for me to speak, raising his chin in the air. I shook my head and grinned again. This time I was playing with him.

Jacob put his fork down on the table and leaned towards me, he smiled mischievously. His lips parting slightly, he was inches from my face. My breathing picked up and burst from my lips in little spurts. I could feel his breath on my skin. It was hot and it smelled wonderful, especially mixed with the syrup from his pancakes.

He chuckled and sat back in his chair, picking up his fork. My mouth fell open into a little 'o' as I glared at him.

"What the hell was that, Jacob?" I said slapping his arm playfully.

"That was payback for Tuesday morning."

"You are so mean. You know how I feel about that."

"But you love me anyway."

I grinned widely at him.

"They're having a council meeting down on the rez tomorrow night, you think you can come?"

"Sure. Will everyone be there?"

"Yeah, both packs. Billy's on a rampage about making time to mingle or something along those lines. He doesn't mind the separation in the packs so much. He just hates the disjointedness of it all. Never been one to repeat himself."

I had been to almost all of the counsels with Jacob for as long as I could remember. It was part of their heritage to have the council meeting, and although Jacob's pack was separate to Sam's, they still answered to the same counsel elders. It brought some unity to the packs.

Lately though, the packs had been running different patrols and the meetings had to be held twice to accommodate all of the wolves and their conflicting schedules. Occasionally, like this time, Billy put his foot down and demanded one meeting for all the wolves. He called it the 'Unity Counsels.'

I enjoyed counsel more now that Anna was part of the whole process. It wasn't as though I didn't get along with the other imprints, we were all friends; we were an extended family. It was that she was my closest friend, and sharing this with her was important to me.

Jacob's sister, Rachel, was Paul's imprint, and Paul was in Sam's pack. It caused a small tension between them in the beginning when the packs were rivals rather than brothers. Now though, it was easy. Rachel seemed to embrace the fact that Jacob could no longer see Paul's thoughts and Jacob was just as happy about that.

"I'll be there." I smiled. I had a good time at the council meetings, even if I had heard the stories a thousand times before. Still, the Unity Counsels were always fun. The two packs got rowdy and playful. It was a fun atmosphere to be in.

Because of my trance like state the day before, I hadn't noticed how electric the atmosphere at school had become. Jacob had dropped me off at front today a little more receptive about the quick kiss I planted firmly on his warm lips. Then, as always, I joined Anna.

"I'm so bored." She said looping her arm through mine.

"Care to elaborate?"

"The new kid." She sighed "If I hear another story, I think I'll pull my hair out, he's not even here yet!"

"Dramatic." I laughed quietly.

"He's arriving on Monday, I'm sure it's just going to get worse."

"Did I miss something?" I asked. I knew the gossip was spreading like wild fire, but I couldn't imagine idle speculation bothering her quite so much.

"What do you mean?"

"Why is this bothering you so much?"

"You didn't hear them yesterday?"

I tried to recall something from yesterday other than my shock and disappointment in that stupid promise, but it seemed I was too self absorbed to even listen to the gossip going on around me. I widened my eyes and smiled at my best friend.

"Lucky you." She sighed.

"That bad?"

"Worse, the guys have started taking bets on which girls will throw themselves at him. You should hear some of the things they've been saying." Anna shuddered. "I'm so glad I have a boyfriend, they're brutal."

I laughed at my friend gently before guiding her into the first class before the bell rang.

In third period, Trig, the only class I didn't have with Anna. I started hearing what she was talking about. Some of the guys were sitting close to one another analyzing each of the girls. As always; with my hearing, it was hard not to notice what they were saying.

"Lizzy Cooper?" Mark asked.

"No, I heard she's got a boyfriend in Arlington. She spends the weekends there because her parents are divorced." Justin whispered, eying the teacher.

"Joanne?" Lewis said hopeful.

"Yes, she and Scott broke up."

"That's right, I heard some things." Mark laughed.

"Renesmee Masen?"

"Are you insane? That boyfriend of hers would annihilate him." Lewis said under his breath, his eyes darting towards me.

"Yeah, don't you remember when Luke Adams tried talking to her? The guy almost ripped his arm out of the socket."

"Maybe she got bored with him."

"He drops her off every day."

"Just a thought."

I cringed at the mention of the incident. It was ever apparent that nobody forgot anything in this town. One little mistake and your name was tarnished for life. I tried to ignore them after that, but it was difficult. They gave Anna an out because of Seth. By the time I met up with Anna at lunch, I was irritated.

"This is ridiculous." I declared dropping my tray on the table. "You'd think there had never been a transfer student before."

Anna laughed and I realized I was repeating myself.

"I'm so sick of talking about it."

I nodded in agreement, taking a bite from the pizza I'd picked up. My thirst was beginning to build and I knew that human food would give me a day before it got unbearable.

"So, how did your scheme work out?"

"I'm not sure," I sighed, placing the pizza back on my tray. "I overheard my parents talking about it this morning. My dad hadn't told my mom about it."

"I bet she was pissed."

I laughed. "Yeah, you could say that."

"So what happened?"

"Well, they heard me coming so they stopped talking about it, but my dad promised my mom and me that he would rectify the situation. This morning when Jacob came over, he took him out to talk to him."

"That's got to be good news, right."

"I hope so."

We sat in silence for a while, I was enjoying the fact that I could really think about it now. I didn't have to mind my thoughts because no one could hear them here. I hoped with every inch of me that this meant my dad had released Jacob from the promise, or at the very least slackened it a bit. I felt weird knowing that my dad spoke about things like that to Jacob. I couldn't even understand how a conversation like that could be worded. I went through every possible scenario and still found myself cringing internally. It was weird.

Thankfully Anna distracted me and pulled me out of the disturbing conversations I was making up in my head.

"So are you going to the council meeting tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, I always go. I like seeing everyone. I miss not living in Forks sometimes."

"You miss Charlie and Sue?"

"Of course." I sighed. "Have you had any more luck with Leah?"

"No, the girl hates me."

"She hates everyone, Anna. Don't take it personally."

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**A/N: The plot thickens :). This time around I've been trying to write ahead so I can post on time and not post crap to just get it out there. I forget that this is only at chapter five. I am on Chapter 23. LOL . . . Let me know what you think :-)**

**The song for this chapter: Salute Your Solution by The Raconteurs. As always the chapter songs are available to listen to on my website nostalgicmiss(dot)com. Or there's a link on my profile. The are up to date with the writing not the posting so I apologize for that :P**

**Thank you as always to Orioncat. I know how busy you've been chick and I appreciate you taking the time to read over this for me.**

**Vicki :) You have become an awesome friend; and thank you for listening to my crazieness and reading these chapters you are awesome.**

**Thank you for the Alerts and faves . . . THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS, YOU GUYS ARE SO AWESOME, AND YOU REALLY UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY ROCK!**

**BIG HUGZ - L -**


	7. Chapter 6: Find A Way

_**All things TWILIGHT belong to the awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

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**_**Chapter 6: Find A Way**

Friday at school turned out to be more of the same, except the buzz was escalating. After today, there would be no more speculation because the poor guy would be here. Swimming with the proverbial piranha's that seemed so desperate to ruin his reputation before he'd set foot in the place. I was actually starting to feel sorry for him.

Jacob picked me up from school as usual. We had to drive for a while to get to La Push, so I'd put a sweater in his car ready for the night on the cliff. I didn't really get cold, but I felt as though I fit in more when I did the small things like that to appear more like the other humans that would be there. I was after all, the only imprint that wasn't human.

It didn't take us long to get there, but the night was already casting shadows across the forests as we arrived at the cliff that jutted out from the coast. We normally went to Billy's first but we were running later than usual. As fast as Jacob had driven; the traffic had been impossible to avoid. Taking the ferry tonight hadn't been the best idea we'd had. Still, the time alone as we sat on the ferry had been nice.

Billy, Charlie, Sue and Rachel were my welcoming committee. Each of them passed me around with kisses and hugs. Sue had been wary about me for a while, but I attested that to being in a house full of pure blooded vampires. With me she was easily accepting. I was so familiar to the wolves. Like the warmth of my body, and the silly blush that brushed across my cheeks when I was embarrassed.

All of these things seemed to make it easier for my grandfather too. Charlie was the last one I reached.

"Hey, Granddad." I whispered as he embraced me tightly.

"Hey kid, how are your patents?"

"Doing well, they asked me to invite you all over on Sunday. Esme's cooking." I grinned.

Charlie's smile lit up. When we had lived in Forks, Esme used his and Sue's visits as an excuse to cook even more. She enjoyed it because it made her feel useful, but we enjoyed it because her cooking was exquisite. The Food channel was always on in the kitchen as she buzzed around trying new things. She enjoyed being the matriarch of our small family, her maternal nature exuded from her.

"All of us?" Rachel laughed, doubtful. Her eyes swept across the circle that had formed around the bonfire.

"I don't quite think she meant that." I laughed, moving so Charlie and I had one arm around each other. "I think it was more the Black's, Clearwater's and Swan's."

"She loves feeding the werewolves." Sue laughed. And it was true, the increased appetite of the pack meant Esme could cook her usual over the top portions and the table would be cleared.

Charlie let me go and kissed me on the cheek gently. I knew it was almost time to start the meeting, yet I could still see the feast going on around the fire. Food would occasionally be thrown across it. A quiet growl reached us and I could only laugh because I knew who it would be. Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Talk to you later." She said kissing my cheek. She turned and headed towards the fire. "Paul, would you please stop threatening the younger ones."

I laughed and cuddled into Jacob's chest. La Push had always felt familiar to me because of my extended family. It didn't seem to matter that they were now two different packs, not that I'd known them as one solid entity. They were still family. I could hear the laughs and teasing emanating from around the fire. As we walked slowly towards the circle, I caught sight of Anna and Seth talking to Emily Uley. I pulled Jacob towards them quickly. Emily was someone I had missed dearly. She was one of the purest people I'd ever met.

"Emily?" I exclaimed. She turned and beamed at me. Her skin was glowing, and her eyes were bright.

"Nessie, honey. How are you?"

She attempted to embrace me, her protruding stomach making it difficult. I giggled at her efforts and threw my arms around her side, laying my cheek on hers. Not being on the reservation a lot, meant I missed the constant changing of her swelling body.

"Good thanks, Em. How are things with the bump?"

I stepped away again and leaned into Jacob's chest. His arms wrapped around me gently, his chin came to rest on the top of my head. It didn't feel awkward being like this with Jacob here. Everyone who had imprinted had the same compulsions to be close to the ones they loved. It was just so natural.

"Well, it's growing I have absolutely no doubt about that." She laughed lightly.

"You look gorgeous."

"Ugh, I look hideous . . ." She laughed, but was cut off by her husband, Sam.

"You're stunning, woman." He laughed with stubbornness ever apparent. As he stood behind her, his arms snaked around her waist and came to rest on her swollen stomach. He stroked it affectionately.

Emily slapped his arm gently and fell back into him. Anna grinned, at the playful banter. She always looked so happy here in the oddly disjointed family that surrounded us. As Sam guided Emily back to the circle to help her to the ground, I smiled at Anna.

"You got here quickly."

"Seth was driving my truck." She said flashing her eyes at him.

He put his hands up in defense, "You offered."

"Yeah, but I wasn't aware you were aspiring to become a race driver."

Seth chuckled and swept her into his arms. She squealed at the sudden change in altitude. "I didn't hear you complaining." He laughed, as he carried her towards the fire, turning briefly to wink at me.

Billy coughed gently bringing the group to order.

Jacob closed the last of the distance between us and the group. He pulled me into the circle, falling to the floor and pulling me onto his lap. I fought the urge to giggle and shifted to make myself comfortable. My back leaned against his expansive chest, leaving our hands entwined as they wrapped around my waist. The quiet noise lulled itself into silence and the eyes of everyone rested on Billy.

This was always my favorite part; the respect that filled this small circle was almost magical. Each of the faces were turned to the natural head, the gentle warmth of the orange glow dancing on each of their faces as the waited for the words to start flowing. It was amazing to see.

Billy started in his deep magisterial voice, "The Quileute's have been a small people from the beginning . . ."

I never really heard much of the story as they spoke anymore, and it wasn't because I wasn't listening, I was. I had just heard them so many times, the words played as pictures in my mind. I remembered the first tribal council I attended. Old Quil, frail at the time, had paused at the part about the cold ones. His eyes lingered on me carefully.

I hadn't known why at the time. I had obviously never heard the story before, but every eye in the circle had turned to me. Jacob had held me in a tight embrace and apologized in my ear. I hadn't understood until Jacob whispered what was coming next.

I had felt hideous, like an outcast, but it wasn't because _I_ was offended by the story. It was because I thought I had offended them. Jacob had felt me trembling against him; he tried everything in his power to comfort me. It was Seth, still single at the time, who diffused the situation.

"She's not even a real vampire." He'd shouted across the circle. The laugh that had followed diffused the tension and old Quil had carried on with the story of the 'cold ones'.

Every time since that first counsel, it had been easy, and I felt as though I belonged. Everyone had been welcoming. I really couldn't have asked for more than that.

Sitting here now, I was warm and comfortable against Jacob's chest. My eyes skated around the circle, the intense gazes of the wolves and their mates all trained on the story teller. Anna was tucked comfortably under Seth's arm as her eyes widened at the parts of the story she found shocking. When she shuddered, Seth rubbed her arm gently. I was sure it was a subconscious gesture, but all the same it warmed my fluttering heart.

Charlie still looked amazed at the stories. It had been almost ten years since he'd been thrown into this unusual world. His original pretense had been on a need to know basis. It made life easier for the vampire side of the family. If Charlie had found out from us, what we were, his life would be in danger. As it was, he'd followed the same path as his daughter and pieced together the puzzle at his first tribal council. He knew, but his life was so tangled within the wolves, it didn't seem to pose as much danger.

Old Quil had passed away a couple of years ago, and Sue had taken his place telling the story of the third wife. It almost seemed appropriate considering she was part of the counsel, and a mother of two very strong wolves. Charlie watched her with a silent awe and admiration. It was obvious how much he loved her.

Leah sat silently, staring into the flames as the story was told. I had realized a while ago just how much the story affected her. When the story of the third wife began, her eyes seemed to focus on anything other than the people around her. I had asked Jacob once why it had such an effect on her. He didn't give me a full answer, but he'd let me know it was complicated. Leah seemed to be one of the few that hated what she was. She and Jacob had an understanding. He was the only person and wolf she respected enough to be civil to.

Jacob's thumbs gently traced circles on the back of my hands as my mind ran away with my thoughts. I let my head rest against his shoulder as the motion soothed me. Behind the voices was the sound of the waves crashing against the cliffs. It was like a lullaby humming me to sleep; I fought my eyelids as I watched Sue continue with her story.

The fire burnt low as she described the arrival of the beautiful goddess woman. I could almost picture her crimson eyes as they scanned the poor village people. I knew, just too well that they didn't have a chance against her. I knew too many vampires that lived traditionally to hate the woman in the story. I had also seen the cost of vengeance. Irina had died because of it. Maybe not directly, but it was a product of her retribution.

Could I justify murder to avenge the death of someone I loved? I knew that with a vampire, regardless of the situation, it would be a fight to the death. But if someone had killed, I blocked the thought, if it was accidental, could I let it go?

The answer was no.

It was in my nature to love with all of me, it was part of who and what I was. Not to mention the whole imprint scenario. To a vampire the loss of a mate was unforgivable. We had so many connections; our lives would forever be entangled. Something I was completely happy about. If the tables were turned though, would I be able to sacrifice myself for him?

In a heartbeat, there would be no thinking about it. Of that I was sure; it would be a natural thing for me to do. I was, in ways, so much more durable than him. There was always that chance I could survive.

This was the one thing I disliked about the council, the hard questions it forced you to think about, and the questions. Always so many questions. Spinning around unanswered in my head. The what if's were limitless as I placed myself in the scenarios.

Anna herself had once told me of her thoughts; it had been after her first council meeting. She'd asked whether I would have done what the third wife had done. Would I sacrifice myself for my wolf? The in depth conversation had filled days with endless questions and scenarios. In the end we dropped it because it was just too depressing. Neither of us wanted to think about living without the men we loved with so much conviction.

So, in true Anna fashion, she had concluded that my family and I would kick the ass of any vampire that threatened our wolves. I had to laugh at that. The wolves, once the enemy of all vampires, were in allegiance with the Cullen's now. We were practically family. Without even realizing it, Anna had hit the nail on the head. My family and I would protect the Quileute's with every resource we had.

The story part of the council was coming to an end now. I looked around as I cleared the morbid thoughts from my head. Anna was sleeping soundly against Seth; he was running his hands through her hair gently. Everyone else was beginning to start up conversations. Jacob and I didn't move. We were just happy to be in one another's company. There was no need for words. It didn't take long for our silent exchange to be interrupted. Not that we minded.

Embry and Quil were the first to approach us. I didn't move. I was comfortable in Jake's arms.

"Hey Quil . . . Embry. Thank for the other night." I said smiling.

Quil gave me the largest smile he possibly could, "It was our pleasure, Ness. Did you like it?"

"I loved it." I sighed.

I could feel the silent chuckle run through Jacob under me. My enthusiasm seemed to please him. I ignored him and continued my conversation with his friends.

"How's Claire?"

"She's twelve going on thirty. I think I spoil her too much."

"I warned you." laughed Jacob.

"Like you didn't spoil Nessie when she was younger?" Quil snorted.

I laughed out loud to that one. As a child, Jacob was at my beck and call. If there was anything I wanted, he would go out of his way to get it for me. Well, within reason. Still I hadn't turned out terribly.

"Extenuating circumstances." He mumbled tightening his arms around my waist. "I didn't have enough time to spoil her the way you get to spoil Claire."

Embry laughed at them both as he settled on the floor in front of us. His eyes were brighter than usual, he was happy. I watched him as his animated eyes followed the tennis like conversation between Quil and Jacob. He was just a little too vivacious.

"Embry Call, do you have a girlfriend?" I whispered, leaning towards him.

There was no answer, just a grin. I could see my assumption had caught him off guard. Yet his gratification seemed to shine through the understated smile he was adorning. There was no getting out of it.

"Is that why you were in Seattle that night?"

Nothing.

"Embry!"

He chuckled again and scooted closer toward me and Jake. "Yes."

"Imprint?" I whispered.

"No," he shook his head lightly. "Just a regular girlfriend."

That explained the lack of her appearance at the council. Poor Embry had it hard. He hid the secret from his mom, and now he had to hide it from his girlfriend. It all seemed terribly unfair. I silently wondered how he could introduce her to us all -it would be hard. All of us were so used to one another. Everybody here was in on the secret so there was never any need for editing ourselves, changing that could be difficult. Still, I couldn't help but be happy for him. He'd been single for too long.

"So when do we get to meet her?" I asked, keeping my voice low.

"I'm not sure you will; right now we're just having a bit of fun. I like her, but I'm not sure if it'll work out. You know what keeping a secret does."

I nodded solemnly. His last girlfriend, Stacey, had meant everything to him at the time. He liked spending time with her. He introduced her to us and she began spending time on the reservation. Embry still had his patrol to do, so he would leave her in the middle of the night to run with the pack. She thought he was cheating on her because he snuck out so late. When he didn't have a reasonable explanation, she broke up with him. It had been horrible to watch.

There was nothing any of us could do. No one could offer a reasonable excuse for his disappearances. So, any girl he'd met since, he held at a distance. Trying with everything he had not to become too attached. It was hard watching him hurt like that. He had been Jacob's best friend for the longest time, along with Quil of course. I wished he would find his imprint; he deserved to be happy. He was a nice guy with a good heart.

"Which reminds me," he continued, "I should go. I told her I would meet her in Hoquiam."

"What does she think you're doing?" I asked gently.

Embry hesitated and Jacob laughed.

"What?"

Embry sighed and hung his head in shame. "She thinks I'm at a PTA meeting. I told her I had a kid so she wouldn't think it was unusual for me to run off."

Quil and Jacob laughed at him playfully, Embry gave them the finger. Creating another spasm of laughter to hit the other two men sat with us. I slapped Jacob on the leg lightly, trying to get him to stop. He forgot how lucky he had it. Not only was his imprint in on the gig, but her family were vampires who knew Quileute history almost as well as their own. Not everyone else was as fortunate. The first couple of times Anna had come, she'd lied and told her parents she was staying at my house.

"I think that's genius." I said honestly. It helped him explain his detachment. No one would ask questions of a man who said he had to go see to his child. It was, as I had said, genius.

"Thanks, Nessie." he grinned.

"You're welcome, Embry."

I looked around the clearing for Anna. She stood next to Seth, and they were talking to Leah, Charlie and Sue. Well, Seth was talking; Anna was looking intimidated as Leah eyed her warily. I called out to her and beckoned her over.

Charlie and Sue smiled at me. Seth winked; and Anna shot me a huge smile. She excused herself from the conversation, almost tripping over herself in her haste to get to us. She finally dropped down beside us, folding her legs under her.

"Thank you." she whispered.

"No problem." I laughed. "I could see you squirming from over here."

"I'm telling you, the girl hates me!"

Jacob, Quil and Embry laughed, they didn't have to guess who we were talking about. She was after all Jacob's number two. They all had to live with her thoughts. I knew she was misunderstood, but I couldn't help understanding where Anna was coming from. Leah could be bluntly honest, and her tone was never friendly.

"She'll get over it." Quil laughed. "She just isn't happy about the fact that Seth imprinted. She still see's him as the annoying little brother."

"Great, so I stole her brother's youthful innocence." Anna laughed.

This comment was rewarded with another bout of laughter from the boys. Embry hopped gracefully to his feet and patted Anna on the head in a friendly motion. "I'd love to stay and listen to your sarcasm Anna, but I have somewhere I have to be."

Anna shrugged with exaggerated emphasis, only making Embry laugh harder. Quil fought his laughter and got to his feet too. "I really got to get back to Claire -my mom's keeping an eye on her for me. She spends most of her time watching TV, but I feel guilty staying out too late."

We said our goodbyes to Quil and Embry, and then watched them making the rounds to the others in the dwindling group. We waved at people as they headed out, Anna had moved closer to us so she could stay warm, mooching from Jacob's oven like skin. All too soon, the fire burnt low enough to be left alone, and everyone else started saying their goodbyes too.

I kissed Billy on the cheek as Rachel pushed him past us in his chair. I gave her and Paul a hug and she promised to see us on Sunday. There was no promise from Paul, but I knew that he would never let his imprint walk into a house full of vampires, regardless of who was with her.

Seth and Anna left with Sue and Charlie. They had apparently given them a ride, so they had to drive them back to Forks before they headed back to Darrington. Leah was the last one left with us. She stood close to the edge of the cliff, looking out over the white horses that were crashing out in the bay. Her shorter, satin black hair, was dancing around her beautiful face. If she wasn't so abrasive the guys would be falling over her, but as it was she would open her mouth and they would run. It was almost as though she didn't want anyone in her life.

"We're gonna head out, Leah. You need a ride?"

"No. I got it. I think I may go for a run. It's too quiet out here."

"Leah!" Jacob didn't like his pack to run alone, only he and Sam could communicate between both packs in wolf form, and without another member of the pack phased, if Leah got into trouble, no one would see it.

"Fine, I'll ask Eli to phase, he can sleep in my house." she sighed. Leah lived in the Clearwater house alone now. Sue had moved in with Charlie in Forks. It was safe now because the wolves had free reign over the area. Not because we had moved, but because the packs and my family had come to an understanding. They knew our scent well enough to distinguish us from the other vampires. Eli was the youngest in Jacob's pack; he had phased when the Volturi had decided to come. Sam and Jacob had come to the conclusion that the newest additions should chose which pack they would join. Eli chose Jacob.

"If that's what you want." Jacob sighed. When Leah made a decision, there was no changing her mind.

Leah strode gracefully away from us towards the village, no doubt to wake Eli and convince him to change into a wolf so she could run. She broke into a sprint once she'd breached the edge of the dwindling light of the fire and disappeared.

Jacob sighed running his hands through his hair. I stepped towards him and wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning back a little to look up at him. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist as he smiled warmly at me.

"Is everything alright?"

"I'm just worried about, Leah. She's having a hard time. She tries not to think about it when we're phased, but she can never hide everything."

"What exactly is she trying to hide?"

"She's jealous. Maybe that's too strong of a word, but it's the only one that seems to fit. Her brother has imprinted and she can see how happy he is. As much as she pushes people away, she just wants to be happy. She thinks of this as a curse, it's why she's started resenting the imprints. It's why she treats Anna the way she does."

I felt bad for Leah. I had heard the story of her and Sam, and I could only imagine how much it hurt to see that all the time. Still, I never figured she would ever be jealous, and when I really thought about it, maybe I could understand. I could see why she would hate being around the girls that clung to the men they loved, that were lucky enough to be part of this inbuilt family. It would be easy to resent that.

Finally, I could see Leah a little more clearly.

Jacob led me to his car silently. We both leaned against it looking out to the blackened ocean that crashed against the cliffs as the waves rolled in towards us. Jacob pushed himself from the car and walked towards the edge of the cliff again. He picked up a rock and threw it into the night. I knew something was bothering him.

"Jake?" I whispered.

He turned around slowly and gave me a smile. His white teeth were such a contrast to his russet skin.

"What's the matter?" I asked quietly.

He reached me and the car in a couple of his long strides, the determination behind his eyes was obvious, resolute. He placed his hands either side of me on the car, creating a prison I was happily trapped in. I let one of my hands cup his warm cheek. I could see the deep lines on his forehead, created from his thinking.

At the touch of my hand, his eyes slid closed. I knew Jacob well enough to realize he was building up to something. My heart tried to break free from my ribs as I watched him patiently.

"Nessie," his deep husky voice was just a whisper, "how did you know?"

Jacob's eyes flickered open, the dark pools bore into mine, pleading for my honesty. I couldn't say no to that, I couldn't lie to him. I could, however, act as though I didn't know what he was talking about.

"Know about what?" I whispered. I was as bad a liar as my mom. My eyes were always too honest.

Jacob sighed blowing his warm breath over my skin. I let my hand fall from his face. I wasn't fooling him at all. Not one little bit. I tried to break eye contact with him, but one of his hands caught my chin before I could lower my head. Our faces were mere inches apart and his eyes held mine captive, still imploring me for the truth.

"Jake, please don't ask me that."

"Ness," he chuckled once humorlessly. "I'm not upset, just curious."

"Isn't just enough that I knew? You know me well enough to realize that I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, not intentionally." I frowned knowing I had made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Jacob moved closer still, his breath now a constant stream of heat against my face. I could feel the familiar anxiety growing inside of me, waiting for the disappointment that usually followed a situation like this. He was almost close enough to taste in the air. My natural reaction was to lick my lips, the action, once from anticipation, was now a nervous reaction.

"Ness," The way my name tumbled from his lips, sent a small quiver to run down my spine. I could feel my chest heaving ridiculously with my breath. It was now coming in small nervous spurts. I was fighting myself. I longed to just reach out and press my lips against the soft heat of his. It was like a magnetic force pulling me forward.

He had such a hold over me. He left me weak and powerless, but he was too resistant to take advantage of that. My hands planted themselves against his chest without my permission, my fingers pressed into the warm skin.

Then, there it was. As he held my gaze, I saw the flash behind his eyes again. The indecision, the want, the longing. It burned behind the darkness of his eyes, calling to me, hypnotizing me. Before I could stop myself I closed the distance between us. My lips touched his, and my arms tangled around his neck, holding him to me. I let my eyes slide closed and hoped with everything I had that he wouldn't reject me again.

Jacob froze for a moment, but I couldn't stop myself. I let my lips form around his bottom lip and sucked gently. A small noise drowned out the crashing of the waves, and I knew I had finally won.

The hand that was still cupping my cheek moved to the back of my neck, tangled in my hair, holding me in place. His other hand, moved from the car, snaking around my waist to hold me closer. My body moved so naturally with his. We were like two pieces of a puzzle finally coming together.

I felt the heat of his breath as his lips parted, my gasp of excitement made him pull me even closer. I felt the car against my back as he moved to steady us. My tongue brushed his bottom lip, and his mouth opened a little more to comply with what I wanted the most. His hand at the back of my neck tightened, holding me to him.

The sensation of his tongue against mine was more than I could have ever dreamed of. They danced together in a synchronized complexion. My heart was exploding in my chest; it was ringing in my ears. Euphoria was not enough to describe what was running throughout me. It seemed too insignificant.

It was more perfect that I had ever fantasized, all of the emotions, the heat, the touching. It was pure bliss. My chest was heaving against his, and I knew that all too soon we would have to come up for air. Selfishly, I didn't ever want to come out of this moment. I was in my own personal heaven.

The hand of Jacob's, which was planted firmly in my back, moved up my spine. A small shudder of enjoyment and contentment followed it. He moved it to cup the other side of my face, as his hand moved from my neck to my cheek. He pulled away from me, his breath coming in the form of a pant. I let my hands roam into the satin black hair on the nape of his neck. I ran my fingers through it gently, my eyes still closed as I tried to calm my breath.

Jacob's lips touched mine briefly three times; I could almost hear the smile in his breathing. I let my lips curl into the satisfied smile I knew would look like a grin. I couldn't help myself. I _was_ satisfied. Jacob was better than anything my imagination had conjured.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." Jacob whispered leaning his forehead against mine,

I let my eyes flutter open and found his. They were warm, and reflected the perfect contentment that ran throughout me. "Thank you."

"No, Jacob, thank you." I said still a little breathless.

"Have I told you how much I love you?" he laughed. His thumb was gently sweeping under my eyes.

"I think you've told me a time or two." I giggled, letting my fingers brush through his hair. "I love you too."

Jacob smiled broadly, before once again pressing his lips to mine.

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**A/N: Finally; he kisses her, well, she kissed him but at least he didn't reject her.**

**The song for this Chapter is _Find a Way by SafetySuit_ :) **

**As always the songs can be hear on a little media player that's up on my website. You can also get to it from my profile :).**

**Thank you to Orioncat for the beta-ing. She's been super busy so I it's awesome that she's able to fit this in. Thanks :-)**

**Vicki; Hope your little girl is feeling better; give her a huge hug from me :)**

**Thank you for all the alerts and faves, and a huge THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS . . . I HAVE TO THANK YOU IN CAPS BECAUSE IT'S LIKE SHOUTING A HUGE THANK YOU TO YOU . . . YOU ARE SERIOUSLY AWESOME AND YOU ROCK!**

**I GUESS I WILL SEE YOU ON FRIDAY;**

**BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	8. Chapter 7: I Wasn't Prepared

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

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**_**Chapter 7: I Wasn't Prepared**

Jacob and I spent a while on that cold cliff, now the flood gates had opened it seemed we were making up for lost time; it was almost magical. The way his lips felt against mine, the electricity that seemed to surround us as we lost ourselves in one another. I couldn't get enough of kissing him. Now I'd started, I never wanted to stop.

I was grinning like a fool the entire car ride home, and his eyes would continually find mine. It was almost as though he was waiting for me to change my mind. That was never going to happen. I was happily addicted to the only man I would ever love, and I was strangely euphoric from my victory. I had begun to wonder whether he would have closed the gap if I hadn't. I knew he'd wanted to kiss me, but I was curious as to whether his formal obstruction would still hold him back.

Jacob pulled up outside the house and left his engine running. I knew he couldn't come in. He had to do his Alpha thing tonight and patrol the borders with his pack. He still had the reservation to protect. I knew he was also nervous about Leah running alone, even if there hadn't been any trouble recently. He was a strong alpha and a good leader. The wolves under him respected him, just as he respected them as individuals.

Jacob climbed out of the car and met me on the other side. I wasn't ready to say goodnight to him yet. Especially with evening ending as perfectly as it had.

He took my hand and guided me to the front porch. I moved to walk up a couple of steps but he pulled me back to him. I landed against his chest with a gentle thud. My feet were on the first step, and although I wasn't close to his height; it was a little more even. My breath caught in my throat as a small smirk passed over his lips.

In the low light his eyes were burning like onyx fire. My heart hammered against my ribs as the exultation of what was about to happen consumed me. I hadn't even considered that he would give me a goodnight kiss. The live wires that were my nerve endings buzzed wildly out of control, my pulse pounded in my ears.

He bent down slowly until his face was level with mine. I tried to control the urge I had to throw my arms around his neck and divulge myself with his satin smooth lips. This time, I wanted him to make the move and he did.

His lips brushed against mine gently and my eyes slid closed without command. I fell into the moment. My hands gripped his shoulders, sliding over them and down his back. I was pulling myself closer to him. His lips started to move with mine in perfect harmony. There was more urgency in this kiss because we both knew it would be hours before we could see one another again. His arms wrapped themselves around my waist and pulled me to him. My body bowed closer.

I wanted to wrap myself around him until there was no space between us. The thought of losing this for even the smallest amount of time became torturous. I ran my tongue against his bottom lip in an effort to suck in a little air. I didn't fool him at all and I could feel his lips forming a smile against mine.

We broke apart with small pants of breath. There was so much heat and desire between us it was hard to ignore. I couldn't believe how much a kiss had changed the dynamic of us; it had been a phenomenal kiss, but it was as if it had changed our paths. The desire to always have him close had quadrupled and I now knew what I had always just assumed. I knew because I wanted it more than anything now. I wanted to spend an eternity by his side.

I didn't want to let him go, but I was comforted by the fact I would see him early in the morning. His lips pressed against mine two or three times before he finally stepped away.

"I'll see you in the morning." his husky voice promised. I could see the epiphany I'd just had shining behind his eyes. I smiled, and nodded; watching as he made his way to the car.

I doubted I would ever get used to kissing him like that, even with an eternity ahead of us. I could, however, enjoying trying to find out. I smiled and waved as Jacob pulled away from the house, trying to suck in every inch of my joy I turned and hopped up the steps to the door.

By the time I'd gotten inside, Esme and Alice were running through cook books trying to decide the best meal to feed two, possibly three hungry werewolves, five humans and me. Knowing Esme there would be plenty of food, and enough choices to fulfill the need of everyone. She never did things in halves. She had more than twenty four hours to prepare.

Saturday passed by in a fuzzy dream like state. Jacob had come as early as he could possibly manage. His excitement could have easily matched mine. We had the whole day together to do everything or anything we wanted.

It turned out that we did nothing- not that it was a huge problem. We lounged in front of the large theater screen watching funny movies. Kissing occasionally when we thought nobody was around. I was giddy. It was the only way to describe how I felt. In one night, my short life had been perfected. I could never imagine wanting anything as much as I wanted Jacob.

The simple day together was beyond wonderful. We enjoyed one anothers company even if it was in silence, there were no need for words but we were always connected to the other. Whether through holding hands, hugging, cuddling on the couch, or my new preference; kissing.

My dad, trying to be objective and understanding, finally kicked Jacob out at one in the morning. Neither of us was thrilled at the thought of being separated but tomorrow was Sunday. I still had the whole day with him, and a large portion of my closest family and friends.

I went to sleep that night and had one of the best dreams my subconscious had ever fabricated.

I woke up Sunday morning to the smell of breakfast mingled in with the smell of dinner already cooking. Esme was never a last minute kind of person. She didn't get to entertain very often so she enjoyed the excuse. Since I had been born she had perfected the art that was cooking.

I got up slowly and jumped in the shower. Jacob would be here soon and I didn't want to waste a minute with him. I had considered asking him to go hunting with me, but I knew how much work Esme was putting into this. I really didn't want to ruin her fun and hunting normally satiated my appetite. I usually stayed away from human food for a few days after.

The kitchen was teeming with boiling pots and aluminum foil. The surfaces were covered in dishes that normally went unused. I couldn't help but smile at the woman in the midst of it all; her alabaster face was almost glowing with excitement.

"Hey Nessie."

"Hey, Nana. You alright in there?" I laughed looking over the mountain of objects.

"Too much?" she asked with a look of concern flitting across her brow.

"No, no. You just look stuck in there."

She laughed airily before handing me a plate of food. I took it happily and sat down at the table picking at it. I was hoping Jacob would appear and we could eat together. I was surprised that he hadn't arrived already. Esme stopped flitting around the pans and watched me.

"Jacob's already eaten, sweetheart. He's out back with your Dad and Emmett; they're attempting to play football!"

"What?" I laughed. That would be interesting.

"Seth and Anna are here too. He picked them up on the way."

I inhaled my food as quickly as was polite and attempted to wash the plate. Esme took it from me with a smile and shooed me from the kitchen. I hopped to the backdoor and danced down the porch steps. Anna sat on the grass that was obviously the invisible edge of the field. Her legs were crossed under her on a blanket. I dropped down next to her and gently nudged her with my shoulder. My eyes were still on the field where Jacob stood in cut offs and no shirt.

"Morning." I said trying to pull my eyes away from the copper skin of Jacob's chest.

"Hey," she smiled, placing her head on my shoulder. I hadn't realized just how thirsty I was until she got that close. My throat burned a little with the thirst, but it was controllable. "So . . . what happened Friday night?"

I looked towards the field where the two wolves in human form, my uncle, and my father stood. This wasn't a conversation I was comfortable having in front of the sensitive ears surrounding us. It was bad enough that my dad was probably shuffling through my thoughts already. I blushed a little at my lingering look at Jacob's bare chest as I realized my dad would have seen it.

Anna noticed where my eyes were looking and giggled. "Tomorrow then."

I nodded once and smiled at Jacob, who was now watching me with just as much intensity as I had afforded him. I fought to keep my mind from the scene of Friday night's kiss, and every delightful kiss since. But it was useless. My happiness continued to dance to the forefront of my mind; it was all right there for my father to see.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Anna whispered a light giggle mingling with her tone.

"Why?"

"Your dad is looking at you."

I lifted my eyes to meet my dad's. His topaz orbs were full of…amusement?

"What is it?" she whispered again. She often forgot my family's exceptional hearing.

I sighed and placed my hand on her cheek, showing her what I didn't want to say out loud. My father had already seen it so it wasn't much of a secret anymore. Her smile broadened as I showed her the start of the kiss. That was all she was getting, it was a sacred moment for me; and even though I knew the pack would have to deal with the memory, through their strange connection with Jacob. I had the ability to cherish it; I wanted to hold with me, keep it in my memory. Our first real kiss really couldn't have been better.

"You made the first move." she giggled. "I'm so proud."

"I couldn't help myself; he was so close I could almost taste him." I laughed.

"That's so romantic."

I rolled my eyes playfully at my friend, she saw most things as romantic. Not that there was a problem with that; it was the airy way in which she sighed the observation that made me giggle. I pulled my knees to my chest and placed my chin on them, watching the football game progress. Football with vampires wasn't the greatest idea, especially when the opposing team had breakable bones. Seth and Jacob against Dad and Emmett, I shuddered.

I heard the door to the house open and close. In an instant my mom was present, gracefully lowering herself to sit beside me. She smoothed the hair out of my face and kissed the top of my head gently. I gave her a grin but trained my eyes back onto the makeshift field, hoping I wouldn't have to call Carlisle.

"Hi Anna." she sang in her musical voice.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen."

My mom laughed gently, "Anna, please call me Bella. Mrs. Cullen sounds so . . . formal."

Anna grinned. We'd been over this particular conversation many a time, but Anna still called her _Mrs. Cullen_. It was obviously a manner drilled into her by her parents.

I continued to watch the game as the two of them made polite conversation around me. I cringed occasionally when Jacob or Seth would stop to straighten out a broken finger, or wait for a particularly nasty cut to heal. I heard every break they suffered, listening to it twice as they twisted it back into the correct position.

Jacob and Seth were holding their own. But having to play a slightly less aggressive game, my dad and Emmett were letting things slide more than they normally would. The absence of thunderous collisions was enough to tell me that much. They gave up on the game after a while. It was pointless; even when the wolves would attempt to tackle the vampires it didn't move them. They still stood strong and tall while the wolves rubbed their shoulders from the attempted tackle. In the end, Jasper and Carlisle were called to take the place of the wolves. Jacob came and sat behind me. I leaned into him, resting my back against his chest. His arms wound their way around my waist and held me there tightly.

There was conversations going on around me, but I barely paid attention. I was so lost in my own happiness, I was almost incoherent. Rosalie and Alice joined us after a while, but they were intent on playing football too. It was a funny sight watching Alice's small stature sacking my dad, and it brought me out of my stupor. The game was heating up and the crash of the stone bodies was reverberating around the small clearing. Followed by the guffaw of laughter let out by Seth and Jacob.

Rosalie was lethal on the field; she was quick and knew the game like the back of her hand. She dodged each of the opposing team as she made her way to the end zone; Emmett tried catching her, but it was useless. She crossed the line just as he plowed into her. The resounding crash filled the small clearing; Anna threw her hands over her ears and I cringed slightly. Rosalie would not be letting that go easily.

She pushed Emmett from her with a swift move of her legs and sprang lithely to her feet; ball still in hand. Emmett was laying on the ground, his elbows propping him up as he laughed at Rosalie. She was dusting herself off and glaring at her husband. She spiked the ball at him with all of her strength before turning and walking away. Emmett was still laughing.

"It was a valid tackle, Rose." he called after her boisterously.

"Touchdown," My mom was calling the game from her seat on the blanket. Occasionally asking Seth and Jacob if she had it right- she wasn't the greatest sports fan in the world. Jacob would call her out for siding with her husband too often. Which would, in turn, make me slap his leg; calling him biased.

We all heard the cars at the same time, except maybe for Anna. The game abruptly stopped as the small motorcade climbed up the driveway. I could see the excitement sparkling in my mom's topaz eyes as she anticipated her father's arrival. Jacob kissed the top of my head gently before getting us both on our feet to greet our extended family.

The cruiser and an older model Buick pulled up outside the house and stopped. I could see Rachel smiling as she watched us all approaching. She'd only been clued in on what was going, just before things became peaceful between the two groups. She'd never really developed an aversion to my family, but Paul's wary eyes were on the vampires as he cut the engine. He remembered all too well how things used to be.

"Bella," Charlie's voice was full of enthusiasm as he pulled my mom towards him. I could see in her eyes how much she wanted to squeeze him affectionately, but her strength was too profound to even attempt it.

"Hi, Dad. I've missed you."

"I missed you too. I saw Mike Newton the other day. He was asking about you."

My mom laughed gently. "Is he still with Jess? I heard they were getting married."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Yes, next summer. Mrs. Stanley keeps bothering me for your address. She's stubborn. Won't take no for an answer."

We all greeted our guests, and for a while it was chaotic. Hugs and laughs filled the air around us, and it seemed to fit my happy mood perfectly. I felt truly elated. I finally had everything I wanted and this small gathering seemed to almost overbalance my happy little bubble. Things really couldn't get any better.

The afternoon was spent outside. It was relatively warm, but still overcast. Esme was spending her time in and out of the kitchen, socializing when she could spare half a second. The family never got back to their game of football. Even as a fan of sports, I suspected Charlie would struggle watching our family play. He was a little less clueless about the unusual situation, but I still doubted he would handle the hits well.

Esme finally called the chaos to order when she announced dinner. We all sat around the dining room table eating; the silence was caused by the chewing. Those who didn't eat were leaning against the kitchen counter or cleaning up the colossal mess. There was enough food on the table to feed a small army, even the wolves couldn't polish it all off.

"Oh," I heard Alice's small exclamation and her eyes darted to me. "You have a phone call."

A second after she'd spoken, my cell phone rang. Jacob hummed the Twilight Zone theme as I pulled it out of my pocket. I couldn't help but laugh at him.

"Hello?"

"Renesmee?" The strong accented voice on the other end of the phone caught me off guard.

"Orion?"

"Yes." I could hear the smile in her voice. It was almost as though she was happy about my recognition of her voice.

"Where are you?" I asked stepping away from the table, running my hands across Jacob's tensed shoulders. He still hadn't forgotten their discomfort with his presence. I knew that Huilen and her small band of half vampire wards lived far enough into the wilderness not to be spotted. It was unusual to get a call like this from her. It meant she would have to travel to one of the cities. Not something any of them were particularly comfortable with.

"I had to go to village. I had a dream, Renesmee."

"You're in a village?"

"Yes, but that's not important. You have trouble in your future."

My eyes shot to my family, the family that could hear every word. My dad could hear my now frantic thoughts. Orion was known as a prophetic. With her ability to sleep came dreams. With these dreams came her ability to see symbols. She'd never been wrong, not since I had befriended her when I'd visited Nahuel.

"What kind of trouble?" I whispered my voice cracking.

Jacob was twisting in his chair, his dark eyes were trying to read my level of distress. I tried to breathe normally but it was proving a to be a little easier said than done.

"I cannot see. It came as a warning. It showed me your picture…there was red everywhere."

"What does that mean?"

"Red is universally known as danger, Renesmee. For you to appear in red in my dream is a warning. Something not so good is going to happen, and soon."

My heart was pounding in my chest frantically as I let the words sink in. Why now? Everything was going so well. Hadn't I just been thinking about how happy I'd been?

"Do you have any idea what?" I squeaked.

"No, there is only you and the red. I wish I could tell you more." She said apologetically. Orion and I had spoken on occasion. She and Nahuel had become close since their father had been quashed by the Volturi. They communicated with me as often as they could. A large percentage of the time it was mail. Though there was never a return address; for obvious reasons.

My eyes scanned the room and it was undeniable that my tone had caught the attention of everyone in it. I tried to remember how to breathe. My dad was the first one to me; his arm hitched around me and held me upright. He took the phone from my hand and spoke quietly with Orion on the other end. I tried to listen but my mind was so foggy.

Orion was rarely wrong, which meant I _was_ in trouble. Something was going to happen to me, but what? Was I in danger? I fought against my father's arms and squirmed from his reach. I needed time to be alone, to process what had just been said. Orion wouldn't have risked exposure for something trivial. Whatever she had seen had compelled her to call me.

I took off as quickly as I could, headed towards my room. I needed to think. I needed to clear my mind so I could look at this without the crippling fear.

I pushed my door closed behind me and sat on the edge of my bed. My entire body trembled uncontrollably. It could be something small, couldn't it? Was I overreacting? No, Orion wouldn't have risked being in a city at this time of the day for something small. The dream had scared her. I could hear it in her voice.

I heard Jacob's footsteps as he approached my door. Without thinking about it, I got up and cracked it open before he reached it. He stepped inside and pushed the door closed behind him. His large warm arms enveloped me in a bear hug, pulling me into his chest. He planted his face into my hair and breathed in and out .

"It'll be okay, honey." he whispered gently.

Letting the fear take over, I finally let myself cry. My body rocked against his as I let myself overreact to this information. I hadn't asked any important information. I had just let the fear seep into my pores. I knew I was being irrational, but I couldn't stop myself.

I could hear more people coming towards my room, but I couldn't let go. I couldn't push aside that one moment of shock that had ruined the feeling of perfection that had been running through me for the last two days. Jacob's long reach opened the door letting Anna and my mom into the room.

I didn't know what to say or do. I just blubbered against Jacob's shirt leaving small wet patches stain it to a darker shade than the rest of the fabric.

"Ness, honey. Orion said she will call you back tomorrow. She's sorry she upset you." My mom's voice had the calm, soothing tone that she reserved for moments like these.

"It's not her fault." I sobbed.

"Of course not, but she feels as though it is. Alice spoke to her and calmed her down. She promised to find a way to call you tomorrow." My mom ran her hand down my hair, trying to sooth me.

"What else did she say?" I begged.

"That she was unsure of what the danger might be, and that it normally meant something changed in your path. Alice has been looking for a decision that would take you there, but she can't see anything."

"That's because she can barely see me."

"She may not _see _you Ness, but she can see how the outcome will affect us. She'll keep looking; she thinks the decision hasn't been made yet."

"What kind of danger are we talking about?" Jacob asked.

"I don't know, Jake, Orion was unsure. She said she was hoping more clarity would come when she slept again, but the dreams are mostly symbolic, some indecipherable."

"That's helpful." Jake muttered.

"At least we know to look out for _something_." Mom sighed.

"Is there anything I can do?" Anna asked quietly.

"No sweetheart. But seeing as you're the only one near her in school, perhaps you could keep an eye on things there."

"I can do that." she whispered.

My mom rubbed her shoulder gently in encouragement. Anna was human; this meant she was weak, fragile and very breakable. If something was coming for me, she would not be able to stop it. My parents would never let her get involved, but this was their was of including her, making her feel needed.

"I know you're upset Ness, but I think you should come back downstairs when you've calmed down a bit. We don't know what this means, and maybe we can't stop anything until we know what's going to happen. But you can't let this rule you, you have to go on. Alice will see when something happens, and maybe Orion will have more information for you tomorrow."

I nodded against Jacob's chest and my arms tightened around him. His reflex action was to tighten his around me. It soothed me a little. My mom kissed the back of my head before giving Jacob's shoulder a gentle squeeze as she left. Anna stayed with us.

"Ness is there anything I can do for you?" she asked quietly.

I sucked in a breath and lifted my head to look at her. I could see the concern as she stood awkwardly in the middle of my room. I reached out and took her hand.

"No, I just need to keep my eyes open." I whispered. My voice was hoarse from crying.

"I feel so helpless."

_Tell me about it_, I thought to myself. There was nothing I could do to stop this. Not until we had more finite details that we couwork with. I tried to stop my mind from making the worst of the situation but it was proving to be difficult.

"I just wish we knew what would change." Jacob mumbled kissing the top of my head again.

"There's no point dwelling on it." I sighed; I knew I had made a fool of myself rushing from the room like that, but my worst fears always came with the thought of trouble. In my short life I had already been faced with the worst that could happen to me. They were shrouded in black and lived in Italy.

The dreams would probably start again. They had plagued me during the year after the confrontation- Aro's shale skin in the dull gray light that shimmered from the snow, his evil cloudy crimson eyes and the hiss from Maggie as he told his lies. Then there was the helplessness I'd felt. I had thought I was going to lose everyone I loved, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. The dreams were always about the Volturi, and they always started when I was scared- even if it had nothing to do with them. It had turned into my mind's way of dealing with any overwhelming fear.

The only thing that had ever subdued my nightmares was Jacob. As a child when my nightmares occurred he'd slept on my floor in wolf form. Just having him in the same room had eased my fear. He'd always brought a sense of calm to me.

Not knowing what this danger was had immediately brought my mind to the source of my anxiety. I always feared they would return. After all, they had come specifically for me. I had been the aberration they'd wanted to destroy.

Jacob could feel me trembling, and rubbed soothing circles into my back. I wouldn't let this rule my life, I couldn't. I would have to deal with it when it came. Anna dropped my hand gently when the trembles turned into shudders. Her wide eyes were full of fear, but it was never for herself. She feared for me. Living in this very unnatural world had some dire consequences.

"I'll be downstairs if you need me." Anna said squeezing my hand. She knew me so well. She knew that I needed time to deal with it. Once I had come to terms with it I would be fine.

I heard the door click as she left, and I tried once again to get my breathing back to normal. I was close to hyperventilating. Jacob guided me towards the bed and pulled me into his lap, his long arms cradled me against him as he waited for me to calm down.

I didn't know what I would do without him. I would be a mess if he wasn't here with me. My heart fluttered gently back to its normal speed and my breathing finally slowed. It hadn't taken long. I let the facts roll through my mind as I leaned against Jacob.

There was trouble coming, but Alice hadn't foreseen anything so no decision had been made. I just had to keep my eyes open and wait. If Alice hadn't seen anything in Italy, it couldn't possibly be the Volturi. She was waiting for that decision. The small tremors finally dissipated with my epiphany. If it wasn't the Volturi I could handle it, couldn't I? I hoped so.

"How are you feeling?" Jacob asked gently.

"Better," I whispered. "Sorry I overreacted."

"You didn't." he sighed. "There is no overreacting to something like that."

I leaned out of his embraced and looked into his deep eyes. "It just caught me off guard."

"I think it caught all of us off guard." he sighed. "But I won't be leaving your side. You have nothing to worry about."

"Jake, you know the school won't allow . . ."

"They don't have to know." he said kissing my forehead gently. "Seth and I will stay close. If anything happens, you or Anna can come get us."

"I really don't want you to . . ."

"No arguments, you know I'll do it anyway."

I laughed gently. "Fine."

His head bent towards me and he brushed his lips against mine, my heart fluttered in my chest again. I laid my hand on his cheek and let my lips move with his. The fear drifted away with the growing warmth of his lips on mine. His hands pulled me closer to him as the kiss deepened. In that one moment I forgot everything but him. He was like an anchor holding me in place. My arms wrapped around his neck holding him to me as my hands tangled in his hair.

There was a sharp knock at the door that made me jump. I had been so lost in the moment I hadn't heard anyone approaching. I slid onto the bed bedside Jacob catching my breath. I knew who it was as soon as I regained my senses.

"Come in Dad."

My dad's head popped around the door and he smirked at the two of us. "We have guests downstairs, you two."

"Right, Sorry. Yeah."

Dad laughed a quick laugh and disappeared from the room. Jacob chuckled and pulled me from the bed. He had successfully distracted me.

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**A/N: Dun Dun Dun!!!! Impending doom lol. Please, I hate to have to ask but I would love to know what you think? I have decided that writing gives you a strange sense of power. You can giveth but you can also taketh away!! Poor Nessie.**

**The song for this chapter was . . . **Wasn't Prepared by Eisley** as always you can listen to the song, there's a link on my profile. :) Enjoy!**

**I think my keyboard needs new batteries because I keep yping out sentences and only three of six will show up, it's disjointed and very strange!**

**Orioncat, you are my hero, thank you for your expert beta service . . . you are made of awesome!**

**Vicki, I hope you and Alexis feel better. Thank you for everything; seriously you are fabulous.**

**Thanks for the alerts and faves . . . AND THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS; YOU ARE TRULY AN INSPIRATION AND DRIVING FORCE . . . YOU ROCK!!! SERIOUSLY PEOPLE YOU ARE PHENOMENAL. (I was considering changing the updates to every other day rather than every third . . . what do you think?**

**BIG HUGZ - SEE YOU EITHER SUNDAY OR MONDAY - L -  
**


	9. Chapter 8: House of Wolves

_**Everything Twilight belongs to the awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

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**_**Chapter 8: House of Wolves**

The rest of the evening fell back into routine. We avoided the subject of the phone call and fell back into the comfortable conversation we'd been in before. Charlie had eyed me suspiciously when I'd come back in the room, but I knew it was only because he was concerned. I was to be his only grandchild; well unless Seth and Leah produced children, but I was the only one with his blood running through mine. I knew how important that was to him.

Spending time with my extended family guaranteed the rising of my spirits. They made it so easy to forget. Every topic had been something happy. Billy of course started pestering Paul asking when he was going to make an honest woman out of his daughter. Rachel diffused the situation as she always did explaining that Paul keeps asking but she keeps saying no. I knew Rachel well enough to know that she would never push Paul into marriage. They had something stronger than that. She was his imprint. A piece of paper wouldn't change that.

The crowd started dispersing shortly after that. Driving the way they did, it would take our guests hours to get back to Forks. Well, maybe not so much Paul and Rachel; Paul was just as much of a speed demon as the family. It was the conversation that had eased him into a relaxed conversation earlier in the day. I doubted he would get away with it while Charlie was following him though.

Only Jacob, Anna and Seth stayed. Anna was planning to stay the night. I'd asked her quietly as everyone was leaving; knowing the nightmares were coming. I had to do something; having someone close to me may work. I would have preferred Jacob to stay, but I really wasn't sure how my parents would react to that. I needed somebody that I trusted there and Anna was second only to Jacob. I couldn't risk the screaming fits that normally consumed me with my nightmares, they would scare my parents and alert them to just how afraid I was. Jacob and Seth had insisted on patrolling around the house. If they heard me screaming, they would assume something was wrong. I needed to get a grip.

By the time I went to bed, the kitchen was back looking like it had never been used. The house was once again quiet. It was inhabited for tonight, at least, by vampires, me and Anna. My parents had agreed on my insistence that Anna stay over knowing I needed someone to keep me calm and talk to. They were so understanding, but I knew that was largely due to my mom's memories of her human life; she remembered the fear.

Jacob had promised to stay close tonight. I knew he was running around the house with Seth in his wolf form. If there were any problems in La Push he'd know. He was still connected to the pack through his mind. He'd insisted his first priority was me, and making sure I was safe.

I stood on the balcony in my pajamas and staring out into the dark night. It was unusually dark because the moon was hidden by the thick layer of clouds that hung over head. Of course I could see perfectly, one of the many benefits of my vampire half. Without really straining to listen I could hear the gentle padding of Jacob and Seth's paws as the made a wide circle around the house, and it comforted me. The sound was like an extra security blanket, reassuring me that nothing would come for me while I slept.

It helped matters that I lived in a house full of wide awake vampires that could hear anything, including thoughts, within a three mile radius. The Cullen house was the safest place I could possibly be. It still didn't ease my fears. My fears took my mind to a darker place; to a vision from my past.

Anna came to the door and shivered violently. Her arms wrapped around her in an attempt to keep herself warm. "They close?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah, they're running a wide circle around the house. I can hear them."

"You know, I've never seen Seth as a w-wolf." she shuddered again from the cold causing her to stutter on the last word.

I smiled at her as I passed her on my way to my closet. I pulled out a thick sweater and handed it to her as I walked back out onto the balcony. "That makes sense."

"Why though? I don't think he's capable of hurting me."

"It's just a precaution."

"You've seen Jake as a wolf."

"I'm a little more durable than you are." I said winking.

Anna dropped into the swing and pulled her knees to her chest. I sat next to her and folded my legs under me. I knew how frustrated she was. If I hadn't been around Jacob as a wolf since I was able to walk I would probably be just as frustrated. I loved being close to him in his wolf form. The sounds of affection he would make as I ran my finger through his fur always sent my heart racing. His big brown eyes still held the soulful glance of the man I loved.

"You really want to see him as a wolf?" I asked, wrapping my arm around her so the heat from my body would stop her shivers.

She nodded quickly. "I have this image in my head, and I just want it to be right."

I laughed gently and stood up again, making my way to the railing of the balcony. I knew I didn't need to shout, and I was sure that Seth and Jacob had heard our entire conversation. So in a slightly louder voice I called their names.

"Seth, Jacob, Could you come here for a second?"

I looked around at Anna, her eyes were wide with excitement and her smile was full of anticipation. She jumped from the swing to join me. I could hear the gentle thrumming of the wolves' hearts as they came closer. Their paws had slowed, and I knew they were close. Their earthy smell reached me before they did and I couldn't help but smile; I'd seen the two of them as wolves my entire life, but it was almost as though my friends excitement transferred to me.

Jacob was the first to appear from the tree line. His shaggy russet fur danced in the breeze of the open space. I loved seeing him like this. He was so majestic, yet his soulful eyes were always the same. Seth followed quietly behind, almost hesitantly. I knew he was nervous about Anna seeing him like this, and it was probably unfair of me to ask him to do this, but he would forgive me.

I placed my hand gently on top of Anna's and I nodded in the direction of the wolves. I wasn't sure what her reaction would be to the giant dogs, but I hadn't expected what came out of her mouth. I laughed gently as her eyes grew wide in awe.

"They're so beautiful . . . Which one is . . ."

"Sandy colored one in the back." I laughed gently. There was no fear in her voice, just admiration. She watched as the wolves approached the small pool of light that ebbed from the house. Her human eyes would never have seen much more if they hadn't. Her eyes softened as the two large animals came to a stop.

"He's so much cuter than I imagined." she laughed gently.

I stifled a laughed as the sandy wolf skipped forward a soft barking laugh emanating from him as he moved. "He can hear you perfectly."

"Oh." she bit her bottom lip and hung over the railing a little. "Seth, I told you I wouldn't freak out!"

I heard the gently rumble from the wolf. Seth was highly amused- I didn't need a translator to tell me that. I let my eyes travel to Jacob who sat quietly against the edge of the light. His eyes were watching my every move. I smiled at him leaning my elbows on the railing, letting my hands cradle my head.

"Is everything alright?" I asked, almost in a whisper.

He stood up and walked closer to the house. His eyes sparkled in the dull light emitted from the windows downstairs. He was captivating, never losing my gaze as he moved closer. I could so easily lose myself in his familiar brown eyes.

All I wanted to do in that moment was jump over the stupid balcony and go to him, human or wolf, it didn't matter. I just wanted to be close to him. Unfortunately, I always tried to keep my vampire traits under wraps when I was so close to Anna. She knew what I was capable of, but I never flaunted it. Jumping over the balcony and landing perfectly on my feet was not an option.

I hung over the balcony so I could get a better look at him. "Do you think it's safe for Anna?" I whispered under my breath. Anna wouldn't hear it, but I knew Seth and Jacob could. Jacob looked across at Seth and back at me. Seth whined quietly, I had his full attention now. "Jacob, I really think it'll be alright. I just want to see you."

Jacob's large mouth opened showing his rows of teeth, but his tongue lolled out the side. I knew what this meant. I smiled and winked at him before straightening myself out again.

"Anna?"

Her curious eyes reluctantly tore away from Seth.

"You wanna go down there?"

The smile that broke across her face was pure joy. I didn't need an answer after that. Her eyes flickered between Seth and me, as if she was expecting us to change our mind in at any second. When she was convinced I wasn't going to revoke the offer, she skipped to the door. Excitement exuded from her as she waited for me to join her. I handed her some warmer clothes and waited for her to change before I headed towards the door. She threw the jacket and sweats on and followed me out.

My parents were in the living room with the rest of the family as we headed down the stairs. Anna froze as though she had been caught trying to sneak out. My dad and mom laughed at the expression she was wearing, it was a rather inane notion, surprising my dad wasn't really an option. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights. I could only imagine what my dad was hearing in her mind.

"It's alright," I laughed, tugging on her hand.

Anna unfroze and followed me slowly towards the door. Her eyes darted sporadically to my parents.

"Not too late you two, you have school tomorrow." My mom called smiling.

"I forget where I am sometimes." Anna giggled gently as I pulled the door closed behind us; winking at my parents before closing it completely.

The two wolves stood at the edge of the porch steps waiting for us. I couldn't help but smile at Seth's enthusiasm. His large tail was swaying from side to side, his eyes were bright, and he was fidgeting. I laughed quietly; he looked like a puppy, albeit a giant puppy, ready to play.

Anna stood frozen on the steps, a goofy smile plastered across her face. Her heart was pounding frantically in her chest, but its light skip made it obvious it was excitement rather than fear. I dropped her hand gently and headed towards my russet wolf. Jacob watched me as I moved slowly down the stairs. He towered above me as I hit the ground at his level, but there was never any fear. To me he was the most beautiful creature I could possibly imagine.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in the fur around his neck. A husky humming escaped from his throat, giving away his pleasure at my close proximity. I breathed in the subtle smell of his coat and relaxed into him. The sound in his throat threw small vibrations through my cheeks. My arms ruffled the fur around his neck where I knew he liked to be rubbed. The soft fur danced around my fingers as they ran through it. The strands wrapped around my fingers each one feeling like woven silk against my skin.

Seth beside us let out a gentle whine. It distracted me from my temporary bliss. I turned to look at him, wishing I hadn't. I couldn't stop the giggle that escaped me. Anna was still frozen on the porch, smiling. I had to pay attention to make sure she was even blinking.

"Anna,"

Her eyes danced over to me and widened as she appraised my position. For a fleeting second, I wondered what she thought we were going to do down here; then I remembered how new this all was to her. Her eyes flickered between Jacob and I, and Seth. I could almost see her thinking about how to approach him.

She sucked in a large breath and headed down the stairs towards the sandy wolf that was waiting for her. She stopped about a foot away from him, her hand out stretched. Seth took a small step towards her, his nose touched her open hand. A small satisfied sound escaped him as she closed the distance between them. Her hand ran down the side of his face and over his neck to his shoulder. It buried itself deep in the fur there.

"You're still so warm." she giggled, leaning her face against his neck.

Seth made a throaty sound that I immediately recognized as a laugh, and I turned my attention back to Jacob, giving them the privacy I was sure they needed. I let my hands run through the fur on his neck, gently massaging the skin underneath. The husky humming started up again as I worked my hands towards his large face. I couldn't stop smiling. He dropped his head to my level and looked at me.

"No goodnight kiss tonight?" I whispered into his large perked ear.

Jacob backed away from me with a playful growl; his attention flickered briefly to the sandy wolf beside us.

"What?"

He looked at me, then the tree line, and then back to me. I understood what he was trying to tell me and smiled, nodding my head gently. Then he disappeared, Seth by his side.

"Where are they going?" Anna whined, walking to stand next to me.

"Phasing."

Her eyebrows lifted gently, "Really, just like that?"

I nodded in the direction the two wolves had disappeared in. Jacob and Seth stepped out of the trees in black sweats. Both of them were smiling broadly as they headed back towards us. I couldn't keep my eyes off of the half naked Jacob. His wide chest and feet were bare.

"Really." I sighed, smiling.

I ran as slowly as I could towards him for Anna's sake, hating the distance that was between us. I hopped gently from the ground towards him, hoping Anna didn't notice my momentary lapse in judgment. Jacob caught me easily in his large arms and laughed.

"Eager?"

"Always." I sighed breathing in his scent as I nuzzled into his neck.

Jacob placed me gently on my feet and took my hand in his. My entire sensory system flared into an explosion of tingles. I looked over my shoulder to Anna and Seth, both where talking animatedly and laughing, neither noticing the two of us let alone paying attention to us. Jacob pulled me towards the shadow of a large cedar and I followed obediently.

Without words or warning, his lips crashed against mine. This kiss was aggressive and raw, and I liked it. I smiled around his lips, my hands tangled in his hair; pulling gently on the strands at the nape of his neck. I wanted more of this.

He backed me into the tree slowly, his body pressing against mine, sending waves of heat trembling through me. His hand squeezed my waist gently making me gasp with excitement. He took advantage of the slight opening of my mouth, his tongue pressed against the space in my lips, and I didn't want to stop him. I slid my tongue against his; the sensation caused another surge of rapturous aggression from him. His body was as close as it could get, pressing against me. My entire body felt ready to combust under his touch, we were molded together; our limbs entwined as we tried to close that small gap even further. My stomach exploded in small tingles as his hands flexed against my body, sending a fiery ripple up my spine.

I grasped at his shoulders, still pulling myself closer to him. The bark of the tree grazed my skin as my shirt raised with the stretching of my arms. This kiss was mind blowing; it was almost as though it was making up for lost time. There was so much fervor that I couldn't stop the small moan that mingled with my sigh of pure pleasure.

The sound seemed to sober Jacob. His kisses slowed as he gained control of himself, but his lips never left mine. I was fighting for breath around his lips, cursing the human side of myself. Each breath filled my senses with his scent My hands moved to his neck hoping to keep him there, as my chest heaved against his. Feeling my struggle, while battling with his; his mouth moved to my jaw and ran down it towards my neck. The sensation was overwhelming and my legs felt weak under me. I was glad I had the tree supporting me.

My hands, still tangled into his deep black hair, began smoothing his neck. I was squeezing the skin that was warm even to my touch. I was savoring every moment his lips were in contact with my skin. As the kissing slowed against my skin, my hands fell to his shoulders. I let my hands slide against his bare skin. I felt his hot breath against my neck as he pulled away from me.

"Goodnight, Nessie." his breath spilled against my skin again, and I shuddered gently.

He chuckled and let his lips rest against my forehead. "Go try and get some sleep."

I picked up his hand and placed it against my heart, it was still thrumming out of control in my chest.

"Like that's possible." I whispered.

Jake chuckled lightly and leaned his forehead against mine. I just stayed there enjoying his company for a little while longer. My heart was still misbehaving in my chest, but it always did when he was this close to me.

"I love you, Jacob." I whispered, my hand came to rest on his cheek. His eyes were closed, and he looked so peaceful.

"I love you too, honey."

I liked this, I liked us. Now there was no more tension or feeling of rejection, I felt like I didn't have to work so hard. We were just us, and we loved one another. I lay against him a little while longer, never feeling the urge to say a word. I was comfortable in his arms. I was comfortable with him.

I could feel my eyes growing heavy and I absorbed his warmth into my skin. He felt me slipping under as my body relaxed against his. I could feel the rumble in his chest as he spoke.

"Come on, sweetheart. I have a job to do and you need some sleep."

I groaned rather than spoke, but I conceded, letting him guide me back towards the house. Anna and Seth were sitting on the porch steps waiting. Seth had his arms wrapped around her, and I realized she must be cold.

"Sorry," I whispered, grinning at my friend.

Anna just winked and kissed Seth quickly on the lips. I stopped and turned in Jacob's arms, my lips met his quickly as I strained on the tips of my toes to reach him.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, honey. I'll see you in the morning." he chuckled kissing my nose.

"M'kay." I sighed heading up the steps.

Anna and I stood at the door watching as the men we loved disappeared into the trees. We both knew they would phase back into their wolf selves as soon as they were out of sight. To me it was comforting knowing Jacob would be so close. I just hoped it would sooth my subconscious while I slept.

"That was interesting." Anna sighed.

"Mmm." I hummed feeling my fatigue taking over. My eyes felt unusually heavy as I replayed the heated kiss in my mind.

"Come on." she laughed, and pulled me through the door.

As soon as I faced the living room, I sobered up from my dream like trance. My dad and mom were sat on the couch, their faces too smooth. They were holding back their laughs. I was instantly embarrassed, I'd forgotten that my dad was close enough to see my every thought.

"Um, hi."

My dad nodded, trying to keep his straight face. I rolled my eyes and pulled Anna towards the stairs. I pulled the two of us upstairs as quick as Anna's legs would move. I didn't want to be within earshot when they finally let go of their careful control. Hearing them laugh would just make the embarrassment worse. I was never embarrassed about my feelings for Jacob; or the way I felt about him. It was the the horror of them knowing, they were my parents.

"What's the matter with you?" Anna quizzed as I pulled her over the crest of the stairs and headed towards my room.

I put my hand on her face showing her my dad, and then I showed her me kissing Jacob. Not all of it, just enough that she would understand what I was trying to tell her.

"You forgot?" she giggled.

"Yes." I half lied and half cried. It was a lie because I could never really forget my dad's ability; it was more that I chose to ignore it. That I chose to forget about it.

Anna laughed as I closed my door and leaned against it. My face dropped into my hands. I knew my parents weren't upset with me but I was mortified. I would prefer they didn't have to see that. I heard my dad laughing downstairs again and I rolled my eyes. Sometimes I wished he would stay out of my head.

Anna dropped onto my bed and smiled. My selfishness dissolved as I saw the happiness ebbing around her.

"So you finally got to see the wolf." I said climbing into the bed next to her.

"Ness, I don't even know how to describe it."

"Magical is always a good start." I teased.

"It was though." she sighed. "He's huge; can you even imagine something like that coming at you when you don't know to expect it?"

"Not really. I've seen Jacob and Seth like that since I was a baby. It's all I've ever known."

"It all feels so surreal." She mused gently.

"Welcome to my life." I laughed. Snuggling into the blankets, I let Anna situate herself before I clicked off the light. I let the heaviness of sleep cloud over me. Hoping my dreams would be filled with Jacob, and that kiss.

I woke up the next morning the gray light was streaming in through the large windows, it was foggy outside. Anna was hiding her head under the pillow on the other side of my king sized bed. I took a shower while she was sleeping. I couldn't stop the memories from flooding my mind. That kiss and Jacob had starred in my dreams, keeping away the usual nightmares. It seemed to play over and over in my mind, nothing seemed to stop it. Even knowing my dad could see it in my head; I was overruled by my own mind.

By the time I crawled out of the shower, Anna was moving. Her hair, normally tame blond curls, shot out in every direction. She was sat in my bed looking dazed.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, it just all feels like a dream."

I laughed giddily. "Tell me about it."

Anna moved to get out of the bed but fell back on the pillows with a groan.

"What? You're not sick are you?" I knew how cold she must have been last night and a twang of guilt hit me. She was a fragile human, capable of getting sick from the plummeting temperatures of the Pacific Northwest.

"No, but can I pretend to be?"

She covered her face with her arms.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying I want to skip school."

"Why?" I rattled my brain looking for what the significance of today was. "Oh, the new kid is finally here."

"Blah. I don't think I can stand listening to those sheep drone on and on about the kid. Maybe if we skip today, we'll miss all the crap."

"Tempting."

"But no, right?"

I laughed gently. It wasn't that I enjoyed school so much, but I knew that it would distract me a little from the thoughts that were reforming in my mind. I needed to get out of this house; I needed to forget the phone call from last night. I was hoping Orion would be able to call back with some better news. That she had been able to decipher what it all meant, a misinterpretation of her symbolic dream. Still, I couldn't wait around all day on a call that may never come.

"Fine," Anna grumbled gently getting out of bed. "I'll go take a shower."

I stood in my closet looking around for something to wear. Most of it was entirely too showy for Darrington High school. Alice had immaculate taste after all, but there were some things I had been able to get away with. Hoodies and band tee's weren't my style necessarily, but it did help me blend in.

Anna met me in the closet, one of our huge white towels wrapping around her twice. She raided my closet every chance she got, so she rarely brought anything with her when she came to stay. It wasn't like I minded; I had enough clothes to dress a third world nation. Alice occasionally snuck something in there for Anna when she foresaw her coming to stay.

"Ooh, I forgot you and Alice went shopping." she sighed pulling out a pair of designer jeans I had never seen before.

"I believe those are for you." I laughed. Anna had caught on to Alice's small scheme in junior year. It hadn't been hard to notice. Anna was one size up, full of curves. I was jealous as all hell because my clothes always looked better on her. Of course, she told me I had it completely backwards.

"Awesome. I love it when your aunt shops." I laughed gently and continued to get dressed.

Jacob and Seth had dropped us at the front of the school. Of course the kiss Jacob had given me was not the normal peck on the cheek. It got my heart pumping in my chest and I had trouble getting out of the car. Anna's plan was sounding better every minute.

He once again promised to be running around the school if I needed him. Considering the school sat against the thick forests, I knew how easy it would be for him and Seth to remain concealed. I hoped that the two of them would get some sleep out there. I hated thinking about them running on empty as they patrolled. It was an unnecessary danger I didn't want to see then suffer. We watched as the Rabbit disappeared, it would be concealed down the freeway in the forest; but I still hated to see it go because it took Jacob with it. Anna tugged on me pulling me towards the school.

School was exactly as Anna had predicted.

The moment we got close to the building it was obvious, the buzz was palpable. It was all in whispers, but I didn't miss a thing. Anna's groan told me she wasn't missing a lot of it either. It was like that all morning, yet no one in our classes had seen him at all. They were all still speculating. I was amazed that he'd been so inconspicuous, Darrington wasn't the biggest place. In fact, the senior class was small, even compared to Forks.

By the end of second period, I was tired of hearing his name- Matthew Derby. If I heard it again I would pull the hair from my head by the follicles. The next class was the only one I didn't share with Anna, Trig; it wasn't something I was particularly looking forward to.

Anna and I were lost in the small sea of bodies heading out of class when I'd finally had enough. I pulled Anna out of the door and headed down the corridor.

"Where are we going?" she whispered conspiratorially.

I looked around making sure no one was in ear shot.

"To play with the wolves."

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_**A/N: Song: House of Wolves by My Chemical Romance :)**_

_**Wolves as big as horses; it's a nice thought when you think humans control the minds. I can't even imagine how awesome that would be to see. I hope I did it justice. Let me know either way :) I was going to post yesterday because I've decided on every other day, but I had to finish of my Christmas shopping and being out in crowds of insane last minute shoppers isn't exactly my idea of fun.**_

_**I would like to hank my beat, miss Orioncat, she is awesome and does a fantastic job for me; I am also honored to call her my friend.**_

_**Vicki, as always, thank you for being as obsessed as I am; I know I talk about Twilight and fanfictions a lot, I'm so glad you're just as obsessed :)**_

_**Thank you for all the alerts and Faves, and of course . . . THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS, YOU GUYS ARE JUST THE EPITOME OF AWESOME, LOOK UNDER THE DICTIONARY AND YOU'LL SEE Y OUR NAMES . . . YOU ROCK!**_

_**BIG HUGZ - TILL WEDNESDAY :) - L -  
**_


	10. Chapter 9: Hysteria

_**All Things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer: HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHENIE '08**_

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**_**Chapter 9: Hysteria**

Anna and I ran from the back of the school to the cover of the trees. It didn't take long. All of the sports fields were placed to the side of the school, so the back was a straight shot to the forest. We didn't cut often, and when we did it was normally the entire day. It was exhilarating knowing what we were running to, and I could almost feel Anna's excitement rolling from her in waves.

We slowed once we were in the deep cover of the trees. Both of us were giggling incessantly as we hiked deeper into the forest. I wondered whether the wolves had heard us yet, we weren't being quiet. Their hearing was just as good as mine. I couldn't hear their heart beats or paws, but we were being considerably louder.

As my giggles slowed I listened for the gently padding of the paws I knew would come. I didn't have to wait long, but I was surprised to hear the soft graceful steps of the human feet that belonged to the men. They had phased. I pulled Anna towards the sound with a wink, they weren't far away now and it wouldn't take us long to get to them. I had a great sense of direction anyway, the perks of vampirism.

Jacob and Seth stood waiting, the white teeth standing out against their russet skin as they smiled at us. Jacob tutted playfully as he started towards me. His arms were open ready to embrace me.

"Cutting school? I'm appalled Renesmee Cullen."

"I believe you did your fair share of cutting, Jacob Black." I giggled, walking into his waiting arms.

"So I'm the bad influence?" he laughed.

"Always," I said dramatically I leaned my head against his broad chest and inhaled his scent. It calmed me immediately.

"So, what brought on this pleasant surprise?" Seth asked nuzzling his face into Anna's neck.

"Boredom, annoyance, impatience, you can take your pick." Anna laughed.

"And here I thought it was that you wanted to see me."

"Oh, poor baby." Anna giggled as Seth picked her up so she was level with him.

I dropped to the floor crossing my legs beneath me, we didn't have long. We would have to make some kind of an appearance at lunch, otherwise people would notice. After all, we had been the constant topic of conversation before the mysterious new boy. Jacob sat beside me and I leaned into his warm chest. I felt better just being this close to him. All my previous grievances seemed to flutter away.

"So, you wanna talk about it?" Jacob asked his husky voice low as he played with the loose strands of my bronze hair. I knew he could feel the calm settling over me, but I was sure his curiosity was getting the better of him. It wasn't as though he ran around the school every day so this was certainly not routine.

"It's nothing huge, just the usual stupidity. Knowing you were out here made it easier to leave." I sighed. The feeling of his fingers moving gently through my hair was distracting, it felt nice. I let my eyes slide closed and I felt the awareness I always felt with him so close. An awareness that was so close to feeling completed, whole, it was almost overwhelming.

"I'm not complaining" he chuckled, pulling me closer into his side.

We sat like that for a while; there was always some form of contact between us as we talked quietly. Seth and Anna sat close by, holding hands and enjoying the others company. It was the perfect hour. There was no pressure to pretend I was something I wasn't. The canopy of the trees protected us from the worst part of the rain, but the small drops that made their way through dampened the ground below us. I was tempted to drop the rest of the day, but I knew it would make the teachers suspicious.

Especially in Spanish, due to the antagonizing relationship I had with Miss Baker. She was sure to notice my absence. I sighed quietly as I realized I didn't really have a choice. I was sure he could feel the tension in my body as I made my decision. His lips dropped to the top of my head and his hands rubbed my arms gently.

I wanted to spend lunch with Jacob, but having put off hunting for longer than usual I needed to keep myself fed. Otherwise the thirst would take control. In a school full of kids, that was not a risk I was willing to take.

"I should go eat." I admitted to Jacob meeting his warm eyes. I hated admitting my procrastination to him.

"When was the last time you hunted?"

"I was with you."

"Ness, that was almost a month ago."

I smiled sheepishly. I knew I should take better care of my thirst than that, but the human food made it so much easier to put it off. It dulled the slight burning until it was almost unnoticeable. Regardless, I knew I should never leave it this long. I was endangering every human life around me. I had an amazing amount of self control but it wasn't perfect. It had taken me years to get the taste of the donated blood from my palate.

Jacob sighed. "Go eat, and tonight I'll take you hunting. Drag you if I have to."

"Would you stop being so dramatic," I laughed, "It's not as though I wanted to put it off. Life got in the way."

"Sure, sure."

I leaned into him and smiled. Knowing what I wanted he met me half way, his lips crushing against mine. It was a shadow of the kiss he'd given me last night, but still perfect in every way. It still left me dizzy.

Yep, there went life getting in the way again. As usual I was all too willing to be distracted. His lips pulled away from mine slowly. As my eyes fluttered open he swooped in and pressed his lips to mine again several times. My lips curled into a smile as he continued his small assault on my mouth. The smile turned into a giggle.

Jacob's warm hand ran down the side of my face. I peeked from under my lashes, wondering whether it was safe to resurface. His smile was warm and welcoming as I continued to open one eye at a time. Rolling his eyes at my dramatics, Jacob gracefully hopped to his feet and pulled me up with him. His arm wrapped around my waist.

"We'll be here all day if you need us. If not, I'll pick you up out front. Same time as usual."

I nodded, enjoying the deliberate dominance he was trying to reprimand me with. His lips brushed against mine briefly. "I love you."

"I love you too." I whispered.

"Anna, Seth, time to go." Jacob's voice was back to normal now, and I couldn't help grinning at my best friend as she rolled her eyes at the request. Still, she stood up with Seth and made her way over to us. She knew as well as I did that Miss Baker would cause problems if we didn't show.

"Bye guys." I said, standing on the tips of my toes for one last kiss from Jacob. He obliged me, and I could feel his smile around my lips.

"Go and behave yourself." he whispered.

I nodded and started back towards the school. We only had forty-five minutes to get back and eat before the bell sounded. Anna sighed impatiently beside me, showing me her displeasure at leaving the love of her life. I continually forgot how relatively new this all was to her. As much as I hated leaving Jacob's side, I had done it often enough to get around the discomfort of it. Anna didn't have that luxury, and she was human. Her life was so much shorter than ours.

"You'll see him in two hours." I laughed. I was hoping to distract her from her grumbling.

It didn't take us long to get back to school, which gave us thirty minutes to eat and get to class. We entered the cafeteria, wary about the stares we were sure to endure. Especially seeing as we were normally the first ones here. Thankfully, nobody noticed. All of the students had their eyes drawn to a table across the cafeteria from where Anna and I sat. It was almost comedic, but most certainly surreal.

"Children of the Corn," I mocked in an eerie voice.

Anna giggled and leaned into me, her voice low. "It's seems the new kid is good for something."

I nodded and picked up some of the normal, below average, offerings they forced us to eat. We made our way to our table. Not one person averted their eyes to us. It was almost as though we were invisible.

"This is awesome." laughed Anna, dropping into her seat. "If so inclined I could do something out of the ordinary and not one of them would notice."

"No more living under the microscope, I could get used to this." I laughed.

There was a low murmur in the room as each table whispered their opinion of Matthew. I could hear the new voice in the sea of whispers around me as I sat silently eating my cold food. The accent was the most obvious thing, but it still didn't spark my interest enough to look for it. Tommy and the other guys were filling him in on all the hot topics of conversation.

They had nothing interesting to tell him and I could tell by the bored tone of his voice that he was already tired of this place. I couldn't blame him, he'd been the most interesting thing to happen here in the four years I'd been in attendance, and that was ignoring all of the gossip I had caused. I hadn't seen everyone this stirred up since the whole Jacob incident.

"Tommy's boring the poor guy," I laughed, shifting some of the food around my plate.

"What's he saying that could possibly bore someone?" she asked sarcastically.

"He, like, opened his mouth," I said giving it the valley girl edge, playing along.

Anna laughed loudly at my weak attempt at humor, and I wished she hadn't. Some of the eyes that normally scrutinized our every move, decided to pick up their old habits.

"That lasted." I laughed. Making a face at Anna, who was still giggling on her side of the table. "Will you shut up, you alerted the vultures."

"Aw, crap."

I rolled my eyes and shoved another imitation chicken nugget into my mouth. I hoped our brief stint of silence would allow everyone to return to their staring of the newest anomaly. All hope was lost when I heard the one question I hoped wouldn't come up. It came from the new voice in the crowd.

"Who the hell is that?" Matthew's voice was full of some emotion I couldn't put my finger on, but it didn't sound good. It sounded curious. Great, another face that pointed and stared, that was all I needed. I hoped he would make a nuisance of himself and go digging around, trying to find out where I came from. That was an automatic withdrawal from school when my family found out.

"Oh, shit."

Anna's eyes widened and another paroxysm of giggles spilled from her. I never cussed, out loud. I ducked my head and covered my eyes. Nothing good would come of this; I really didn't want to move yet. I fought the urge to look for the face that matched the voice.

"What is the matter?" Anna asked breathlessly.

I shook my head to stop the inquisition and listened for the answer. I knew Tommy would have plenty to say, it was his favorite story. He would tell it to anyone who would listen.

"That's Renesmee Masen."

"R . . . What?"

"Ruh-Nes-May." Tommy laughed wittingly.

"Her older brothers and sisters graduated before we started, but there were plenty of rumors floating around about that. All of them are adopted, she's the youngest one, home schooled until she started here. She keeps to herself a lot. She's dating Jacob Wolfe; he graduated already, two years ago. He's also banned from school grounds."

"Why?"

Tommy chuckled grimly, and I couldn't resist looking at him. Unfortunately, my eyes never got that far. The sapphire eyes of the boy next to him locked with mine. It wasn't that I couldn't move my eyes; it was more that I didn't want to. The deep blue was mesmerizing and captivating. My breath caught slowly in my throat as I appraised him a little more. We were shamelessly staring at one another. It was obvious he'd lost interest in anything Tommy was saying.

His raven black hair had that tinge of blue to it when it caught in the light. His pale complexion was almost translucent in the light, and those eyes. I didn't even hear what Tommy said to him as he leaned over and pulled his attention away.

Matthew looked at Tommy briefly but it was enough to release me from the hold. There was an instant wave of guilt and confusion washing over me as I realized what I had been doing. What was wrong with me? I had a boyfriend, I was an _Imprint_. Without thinking I leaned across the table and grabbed Anna's hand.

"We're leaving." I squeaked, my voice shaking. Whatever had just happened had rattled my cage and I needed to get away from it. Nothing had ever sucked me in like that before and it scared me to death. It was like being hypnotized.

"What?"

"Anna, please."

She nodded, not asking another question and followed me out the door. I had my head down, my eyes on my feet as I breezed through the door as quickly as I could without it looking too fast. Anna was a second behind me.

"What just happened? That Matthew kid's eyes followed you all the way out."

"I know." I answered a little too harshly, it was almost a growl.

"Does someone have a little crush?" she laughed playfully.

"What, no . . . of course not, Anna."

"I was talking about him! What's with you?" she asked eyeing me suspiciously.

"I feel . . . weird." I admitted and let my body slump against the wall. I tilted my head until the crown of it was pushed against the wall. My eyes were on the ceiling, too ashamed to look anywhere else.

"About?"

"Anna, I was just staring at him like he was a unicorn with four horns! How could you miss that?" I dropped my head down again to look at her. I was surprised at her indifference.

"I didn't think he was that bad looking." Anna laughed.

"Neither did I!" I hissed through my teeth. That was the problem of course. I had been lost in that one moment to the sapphire orbs that seemed to call to me. Almost taunt me from across the room. It didn't help that I felt guilty about the emotions that ran through me. I was Jacob's imprint, I loved Jacob, and every part of me belonged to him, mind, body and soul. So why had this guy suddenly ruffled my feathers? How had he been able to get in my head so quickly? I waited for some kind of reassurance from Anna. I didn't know what I had expected her to say. I didn't even know why it was so important for me to have justification for this.

Anna laughed and patted me on the head. "It's not a crime to think someone's hot, Ness. You love Jacob; you know that better than anyone. You are his soul mate; it doesn't mean that you can't form an opinion about someone."

"Do _you_ look at other guys that way?" I asked impatiently.

She blushed a little, "Sometimes, and then I compare them to the man I _love_. They never measure up."

"You are a romantic." I laughed, letting the relief spread through my veins. The small pang of guilt still sat like a lead weight in my mind. This wasn't just a simple once over like she was talking about. I knew how I had reacted, and I knew my own mind, and I had no idea what the hell had just transpired. Whatever happened to me in that room had shaken me.

Anna rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Stop looking so guilty."

I grinned. No wonder she was my best friend, she knew me better than almost anyone. I was just glad that Jake hadn't been around to see my rather embarrassing ogling. It would have hurt his feelings. But somehow, I knew that if he had of been there, I never would have looked in the first place. My draw to him was too strong to care about what went on around me. I was always oblivious when I was close to him. Anna was right, no one would ever measure up to Jacob, and it didn't matter how many lifetimes I lived.

"Come on," Anna sighed. I followed her towards Spanish. I would be quite happy to never see Matthew Derby again for the rest of my existence.

Jacob, as he had promised, sat in the car waiting for us. Seth was in the front seat, but jumped out of the car when he saw us. His arms folded around Anna when she reached him and I could see the look of pure contentment once again fill his features. That's always how it had been.

I climbed in the front seat and leaned across the small dividing console looking for a kiss. Jacob grinned and pressed his lips against mine. My heart crashed in my chest and I was finally able to feel normal again, to breathe. The incident in the cafeteria had alarmed me. Thankfully, Matthew hadn't been in one of my classes.

We all ended up at my house, in front of the colossal screen on the second floor landing. We'd pushed the theater seating out of the way and sprawled across the floor. Esme had brought us some popcorn. Of course, Jacob and Seth hadn't taken long to polish it off. Jacob was laid across the floor, his neck propped up by the pillows we'd dragged into the room. My head was laid on his chest, the pounding of his heart thrumming in my ears.

I hadn't been able to really concentrate on the screen and what was happening. Being comfortable in my own home had brought back the fears from yesterday. The fears that made what had happened today look silly and unimportant in comparison.

In all honesty, I had convinced the others to stay with me because I was hoping to get a call from Orion. I was hoping she would see something more and call me. It was selfish of me to expect her to risk being discovered again just to give me piece of mind. The smaller communities in Brazil still believed in the legends. If she was seen, it could cause a lot of trouble. She'd taken a risk yesterday. Smaller villages held stronger beliefs than the large cities. If she had been spotted, if anyone would have assumed what she was, they would hunt her down. And the South Americans weren't willing to go down without a fight.

I tried not to think about it, but it was a constant in my mind. I didn't need trouble in my life, not while things were going so well for me. I was happy, ecstatic even. I knew it couldn't possibly be what I feared the most. Alice was still keeping an eye on Italy, she would know if they decided to make a move.

Even though I knew better than to bet against Alice, I couldn't see where else trouble would come from. They were the only threat to me, weren't they?

"We were supposed to go hunting." Jake whispered his words mingled with a yawn. The sound vibrated through his chest leaving the side of my face tingling. It pulled me out of my disturbing thoughts. I lifted my head and looked at him.

"I was hoping Orion would call with more information." I admitted gently. I hadn't said anything earlier because I knew it would make him worry.

Jacob hated seeing me suffer, and I knew he was blaming Orion for scaring me. He wasn't able to look at it as objectively as I did. I knew that she was looking out for me. With danger nowhere to be seen, he saw it as scare tactics. He still hadn't forgotten the frosty reception he'd received when we'd visited them.

"Ness, honey. Is that why you've been so quiet?" His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me closer to him. I curled up under his arm and let my head rest against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to worry you." I whispered against him. I let my eyes wander to his, the depth of them never ceased to amaze me.

He rolled his body until he was curled around me. My legs laid loosely over the top of his, my face was buried into his chest as his warms arms circled around me holding me closer. I rolled onto my back in the tangle of his arms and smiled.

"I wish you would stop trying to make me feel better about things." he sighed gently. "When will you understand? I will do everything in my power to keep you safe."

"Then will you stay with me tonight? I don't think I can keep the nightmares away for a second night."

"I don't think . . ."

"I'll talk to them," I sighed. "It's just sleeping, Jake."

"Fine, if they don't have a problem with it, I'll stay."

"Thank you." I kissed his throat and trailed my lips over his Adam's apple.

"Ness," his voice was a subtle growl and I couldn't help but giggle. I loved that I affected him like that. His arms pulled me into his chest again, into his warm, protective shell.

Like I had thought, my parents hadn't argued my logic. My mom remembered her human days; she remembered the nightmares my dad had kept away. If Jacob was the only thing keeping the horrors from my subconscious, she would agree in a second. My dad, a little more skeptical, trusted my mom's judgment.

It wasn't as though we could do anything untoward; they were vampires, with the amazing ability to hear everything within a three mile radius. And my dad could read minds. Really, they had no reason to be uncomfortable or worried.

So Seth took the Rabbit home, taking Anna with him. It was hard to avoid the presumptuous grin of my best friend. I couldn't help but laugh at her futile attempt at secrecy. I had, however, explained that nights like these were extremely platonic. Needless to say, she didn't believe me and demanded details when I saw her next. I literally had to push her out the door, with a promise to tell her everything I could remember about my slumber.

I spent a little bit of time with my family before going to bed. Alice had promised she'd seen nothing but would let us all know if something came up. Jasper constantly calmed me, which in the end did nothing but make me extremely tired.

I said my goodnights and pulled Jacob up the stairs to my room. I changed in the bathroom and knocked before going back in the room. Jacob was in a pair of clean sweats lounged across my bed, his hands under his head. He was laid diagonally because even on my monstrously huge bed his feet hung off the end.

"You look tired, honey." Jacob grinned; patting the space beside him.

"I am." I sighed, curling up next to him close enough that I could enjoy his heat, but at enough of a distance to see his eyes.

His large hand stroked the side of my face gently, but my eyes never deviated from his. I could almost see the smile on his lips as he watched me. I loved this man with every part of me, and I knew that he felt the same. We were so content to just look at one another, and for a split second I wondered how anything could have penetrated that.

I pushed out the thought before I completed it, it hadn't. The whole incident had caught me off-guard, and it would not happen again. I was prepared now. The weakness wouldn't confuse me again. I was sure of that.

Jacob's fingers brushed against the frown I hadn't been aware I was wearing. I looked up at him and smiled tenderly. I moved quickly and rolled closer to him, pressing my lips against his. He kept the kiss simple, not letting me push further as I wanted. He held me gently, and my arms were wrapped firmly around his neck.

"Ness," his husky voice against my lips made me smile.

"Yes?" I whispered suppressing a giggle.

"You need to sleep."

"I know,"

He chuckled again and pulled me against his chest so I couldn't assault him further. I didn't want to think anymore, not tonight. So I let my eyes close and just listened to the sound of his heart, pounding in his chest.

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**A/N: Song: Hysteria by Muse**

**I would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas; and thank you for reading it. It's become somewhat a labor of love; I get confused and sometimes suffer terrible writers block, but I also get hugely inspired and write five chapters in one sitting. Nessie has taken on a life of her own in my mind and the story is getting interesting. (I'm at Chapter 27)**

**I would like to thank Orioncat; she has the patience of a saint and goes through these chapters with a fine tooth comb finding all the mistakes. She's an awesome beta and a fantastic friend. If you get a chance check out her youtube channel (Jackieorioncat).**

**Vicki, thank you for my Christmas pressie; it's awesome and I love it. Thank you also for being a good friend, and for reading these stories, and thank you for all the free publicity!**

**Thank you for all of the alerts and Faves; and . . . THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS, YOU GUYS STILL MAKE ME BLUSH SOMETIMES AND I'M SORRY IF I DON'T ALWAYS ANSWER YOUR REVIEWS; SOMETIMES TIME JUST RUNS AWAY FROM ME! YOU ALL ROCK YOU ARE FABULOUS!**

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHENIE MEYER :)**

**BIG HUGS - TALK TO YOU ALL AGAIN ON FRIDAY - L -  
**


	11. Chapter 10: Would Be Killer

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**

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**_**Chapter 10: Would Be Killer**

Jacob and the heat of him lying next to me, had kept the bad dreams at bay once again. I'd been able to sleep peacefully. It was nice waking up to his warm body lying next to mine. His arms were still wrapped firmly around me and his gentle snores were comforting. He was so handsome when he slept. There was a peace that surrounded him, one that was never there during his waking hours because he had so much on his mind. Whether it was because of me, or because of his pack.

I worked my arm out from under his embrace and ran my hand along his cheek gently, memorizing every line that ran under my fingers. He smiled warmly, though his eyes were still closed. It was the silent connection working between us again.

"Good morning." I whispered.

His eyes flickered open and his arms pulled me tighter into his chest. His lips met my forehead, sending a warm shiver down my spine. It was an awkward position considering the position of my arm, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

"Morning." he answered, his dark eyes were adjusting to the dull gray glow of the morning. "I think I could get used to this." He motioned to the closeness of our bodies. He closed his eyes again and laid his head on his thick arm.

I giggled and kissed his neck, it was the only thing I could reach now that he'd tightened his hold on me. He had said exactly what I was feeling. I could happily do this every morning; waking up to his handsome face would never get old.

I relaxed into his arms and let myself doze. I was aware of everything around me, caught between sleep and consciousness. Jacob placed his warm cheek against mine and I could hear his breathing gaining rhythm again, he would be snoring soon. Rosalie had once compared his snoring to a chainsaw, but it was never that abrasive. There was a slight rumble as he pulled in breath and the release always sounded like a sigh. There was nothing abrasive about that. It was peaceful, homely even.

I was fighting having to get up for school. I could tell by the light outside that I was pushing my luck, but I really didn't want to move from my small piece of heaven. I was so comfortable. Our bodies sank comfortably into the bed pulling us closer together; as though gravity itself didn't want to see us separated, I was only too willing to oblige.

I heard the movements from outside my door, and I knew someone had noticed that I wasn't moving yet. I still refused to move, and there was a gentle tapping at the door before it was pushed open. I knew who was at my door her scent was familiar to me, and the gentle footfalls were so lithe they could only belong to one person.

"Ness sweetheart, you're going to be late for school if you don't get up." My mom's voice was quiet.

"Oh, alright." I groaned. Consciousness was finally taking control. "I'm up."

My mom's musical laughter filled the air before she disappeared through the door again. I lay awake for a while before making the move to get up. Jacob was still snoring quietly in my ear. He looked so peaceful I didn't want to disturb him just yet.

I was able to get out of his grasp without disturbing him, after a little work. His large frame took up most of the large bed, and as I looked back down at his sleeping form, I couldn't help but smile. He almost looked like a child stretched out across the bed the way he was. I was seriously considering just climbing back in bed with him and forgetting school altogether.

I sighed in frustration. I couldn't do that to Anna. She had some kind of quiz in her algebraic geometry class, and she hated going to school when I wasn't there. So I picked up some things and I jumped in the shower. Getting myself ready as quietly as I could as Jacob slept.

He was still asleep when I picked up my bag and headed to the door. With as much as he did lately, I couldn't justify waking him up. Running with his pack at night and spending mornings and evenings with me, it left little time for sleeping. Then there was his small mechanic business. I had absolutely no idea when he slept. Now he was running around the school trying to protect me from some unknown danger. I doubted he was sleeping at all. I figured I would let him catch up and I would drive myself. My car, an Audi TT, sat in the garage unused. It probably needed a good run. Jacob was too stubborn to use it when I offered.

My parents sat in the kitchen, talking quietly. I had a suspicion they were waiting for me.

"Morning," I sang, kissing them both on the cheek as I danced around the kitchen making myself breakfast. I made sure to eat more than I normally would. Not hunting last night had been a mistake. My throat was becoming more irritated. I had never left it this long before. Even the human food I consumed didn't last as long as it should, it would do until I could hunt tonight though.

"Nessie, how long has it been?" I should have known my dad would hear that.

"Just a little over a month."

"You have to take better care of your thirst than that."

"I know. I'll go tonight. I promise." I answered feeling irresponsible.

I knew better than to leave it so long, but being half human helped push the urgency of it out of my mind. Not that it was an excuse. I was hitting my limits and I knew it. I ate my breakfast quickly, enjoying the relief it afforded me. I knew that hunting tonight would bring me some kind of sordid pleasure. I craved blood more than human food, but my conscience never let me enjoy it. Taking down a deer would always flash some cartoon personification through my mind. It was irrational, and I knew that. Killing animals was the lesser of the two evils, but it didn't stop my human side from cringing away from it.

My eyes brushed over the clock on the microwave. I still had to pick up Anna. I kissed my parents goodbye hurriedly. I answered the question before they could ask where Jacob was. My mom understood she'd been nagging him to sleep a little more. I hopped out of the door and danced to the garage. I was late enough that I could really drive my car.

I enjoyed driving and times like these, when I was able to drive my little car, I wondered why I didn't do it more often. I could always drive to school and let Jacob take my car for the day. He may grumble about it for a while but he'd get used to it. The gentle humming of the engine was so much more agreeable than the slight spluttering of his rabbit. Although I would never say that to him, his Rabbit was his pride and joy, rebuilt from practically nothing. It was one of the bonds he'd had with my mother as well, he would often smile wistfully and add; 'If it hadn't have been for that connection, I would never have been led to you.'

I smiled as I shook off the memory, I was on Anna's street and a smile like that would most certainly raise questions. I pulled up outside Anna's house. She was already waiting for me on the porch steps; her smile widened as I eased to a stop. She loved the Audi.

"Where's Jacob?" She asked as she climbed into the car.

"I left him sleeping." I grinned. "I doubt he's sleeping with all this running he's been doing. I figured I'd leave him in bed."

"You're so lucky. What I wouldn't give to cuddle up to Seth at night."

"It's hot."

Anna's eyes widened and she snickered at my choice of words.

"Anna, you know what I mean."

"Oh, come on. Even you have to agree with the connotations of that sentence."

I laughed at that, and stepped on the gas. I had made up some of the time on the way to Anna's but I still had to get us there on time.

The rumors were still milling around the school. I had expected them to have calmed down now that the boy had shown up physically. Yet, I was once again disappointed. Especially when I started hearing the tenor of the whispers, they included me. It seemed Anna hadn't been the only one to notice his gaze following me. Considering all of the students had been watching him; it shouldn't have really surprised me they would notice too. I hung my head and walked through the crowd trying to ignore their insinuations. I should never have driven myself this morning. It seemed to add fuel to their fire.

"This is ridiculous." Anna sighed, leaning against my locker. "There is absolutely nothing to substantiate the stupid rumors. So the boy has a crush on you."

I appreciated her show of solidarity, especially when she was glaring at the sea of faces that were eyeing us curiously. Unfortunately, the seed had been planted. Whatever had started off this stupid rumor seemed to have been made all the more relevant by me showing up without my normal mode of transportation.

"I swear; you can't win in this place." Anna huffed. Her eyes narrowed at a group of freshman who were staring at me. "There's always _something_."

I had nothing to say. There was nothing I could say or do to convince the growing crowd otherwise. They had already formed their opinions. They had been talking about me behind my back since I started as a freshman. Nothing was going to change that, I didn't know why I thought this would. Anna pushed away from the locker and walked towards a group of girls that were whispering and giggling against the opposite wall.

"What is your problem?" She asked stopping about three feet from them.

"What's _your_ problem, Anna?" Sarah Greenburg snapped stepping towards Anna.

I slammed my locker shut and grabbed Anna's hand, pulling her away from the little scene that was about to explode into something that would surely be reported to the principal. I didn't need Anna suspended for fighting, she was my only solace in this hell hole.

"That stupid . . ."

"Anna." I cut her off and pulled her towards English. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but this really isn't helping anything. I think we just need to ignore them; like we always do."

Anna nodded her agreement and followed me to our class. It didn't, however, stop her from glaring at every person that whispered as we passed.

I had been trying to block out the conversations surrounding me, but being stuck in a small room with everybody inside of it talking about the same thing, it was impossible to avoid. The way they giggled and leaned over the narrow walkways between desks made it so much more insulting. This was a new low. They were practically ignoring the teacher in order to trade stories.

The general consensus was that Matthew Derby liked me, I could handle that. I would just avoid him and make sure I was seen with Jacob more often. What did bother me was that it seemed as though he had asked people about me. Tommy hadn't been the only one to tell him about the Jacob incident; that was immediately obvious. It seemed as though people were beginning to speculate again, wondering whether I had done something with Luke Adams to make Jacob so jealous.

I turned my iPod on in my bag and turned it up to a volume only I could hear. I tried concentrating on the lyrics and the beat. I let it push out the sound of the voices around me. I really didn't want to hear anymore. Especially seeing as they were beginning to question why I'd driven myself today. I was conflicted about that emotion; what a silly thing to regret. Driving my own car should be a joy for me, not something that stirred feelings of dread because it would get the sheep speculating again. It was _my _car.

I needed to see Jacob. This day was growing worse the longer it progressed. I knew he would be in the woods around the school, still trying to protect me. I could imagine the string of curses that came from his mouth when he'd realized what I'd done. I smiled to myself thinking about the scene that had probably played out when he'd opened his eyes. I would head out to the forest at lunch, taking whatever food I wanted with me, because I sure as hell didn't want to sit in the cafeteria. I was also sure Jacob had skipped breakfast so he could get here.

Anna practically had to drag me to Biology. Again I sat in complete silence, listening to the music only my sensitive hearing could pick up. I was dreading Trig. It was the only class I had without Anna, and I knew it would be hard to ignore. Mr. Graham never paid much attention to what was going on behind him. He was oblivious for the most part. He stayed at the board working through problems that lost everyone else before the first degree had been factored in; he seemed to lose himself in the complex diagrams he drew.

I sat down in the back corner of the room where I always sat. Without Anna, I preferred to stay invisible to the rest of the class. Who was I kidding! We sat at the back in the rest of our classes for the very same reason. At least in this class everyone kept their distance. The chair next to me and the chair in front always stayed empty.

I pulled out my book with the homework I had already done. Mr. Graham gave us the homework first so he could plan his lesson around what he was giving us. I had perfected Trigonometry by the time I was four, so I ignored him and did the homework while he droned on. That's how I spent most of my classes . . . doing homework.

I pressed play on my iPod while I waited for the rest of the class to file in. Biology was only one corridor over so I was always here first.

I was doodling on my notebook drawing complex swirling patterns when I heard the chair next to me shift. It was unusual. I normally had the corner to myself. As I was about to look up, the smell hit me. It took a moment for it to register as it assaulted me silently.

My heart accelerated in my chest and my mouth watered. My throat caught fire as I turned my head to see where the smell was coming from. It was divine, mouth watering. Whatever it was, I wanted it.

Sat next to me was Matthew, his raven hair falling into his sapphire eyes as he appraised me. The scent, his blood, was the most culminating thing to ever assault my senses. I knew, sitting silently beside him, that I wanted the crimson liquid that ran through his veins. My hands trembled. The pen I was holding vibrated quickly, tapping against the table.

All I could see was the blue vein on his wrist as it circulated his life force through his body. My mind began conjuring images in my mind. I saw myself taking him into the forest. My teeth sinking into the skin that held the pulsing vein I could see thumping under his skin; the taste of the blood; so sweet. I closed my eyes with the visualization of his blood; so crimson as the oxygen touched it, sliding down my throat, easing the burn that already pounding in my throat.

I forced my eyes open hoping the visualization would leave with it, but all I could see was red. All I could taste the tip of my tongue sweetest blood I had ever smelled. The air was palpable with his scent. It hung around me willing me to take it. It was like a siren, singing a song in hopes of enticing me towards it.

If I could just wait until the end of class I could take him outside. He would agree to walk with me. The other sheep in the room have already given me that knowledge. It would be so easy, he couldn't refuse the offer. My entire body would will him to follow me.

I didn't think I could wait that long, the burning was taking control of me. It was maddening. My right hand reached out to the exposed skin in my neck and ran down gently to my collar bone. I needed this. My eyes roamed around the class. There were eighteen people in here, including Mr. Graham. It wouldn't take long to dispose of them, and then I could savor the taste. I would have to break their necks, I couldn't risk them screaming; it would interrupt my sanguine feast. Then, I could take my time. His fear would make him fight, but I was stronger than him. He wouldn't have a chance.

My tongue danced across my lips, my body leaned slowly towards him. Then my conscience kicked into over drive. What was I thinking? I couldn't do it, it would be murder.

I forced my body to straighten out. My hands dug into the desk, the wood parted under my fingers, groaning with the intensity of my hold. I just needed something to distract me while I took in a breath . . .

Surely blood that sweet was designed to be enjoyed? Why would he be placed in my life if it wasn't to satisfy the fire that burned me? Saliva slid down my throat coating the irritation, the liquid turned into lava as it touched the sensitive membrane causing the inferno. I needed his blood; I couldn't not drink from him.

If I'd of had any doubts of what I was, this was my moment of perfect clarity, my defining moment. I may only be half vampire, but my needs were obvious. I craved the substance that ran beneath his fair skin. A killer dwelled within me. Fight as I may, I couldn't deny giving it what it wanted. It was like a screaming animal within me, clawing at my humanity with talons as sharp as razor blades. It was cutting through my defenses as though they were tenuous pieces of paper.

Could I do this? Could I take the innocent life of the boy sitting next to me? No, I couldn't, it was murder.

I sucked in a breath. Big mistake- I could taste the blood in the air around me. Water pooled in my mouth as I once again considered drinking deeply from him. Just a taste that was all I would need. I could hear the animal in me, convincing me, berating me for trying to abstain. Was it right? This was all part of who I was; what I was. It was my nature, I couldn't deny myself this. The scent was too consuming.

His eyes met mine and he recoiled. I didn't care if he was scared, the adrenaline I could smell made it all the sweeter. I could hear his heart pounding in his chest, the rush of the blood as it flowed through his veins- calling and taunting me. I had to do this.

I tried to smile at him, but my throat was too coarse. The flames were licking, begging for me to take him so I could extinguish the fire. I could see in his eyes what he was seeing- my lips were pulled back over my teeth. My mouth was twisted into a sneer. The monster within me had come forward and I was staring it in the face. My mind and body felt like a battle field as I shrank away from the sight reflected in his eyes.

His eyes flickered around the room, and I lost the vision of the monster I had become. I was glad. I didn't need any reminders of this. I watched him closely; his eyes stopped at the front of the room, they were wide with his obvious fear. Yes, there _were_ too many witnesses.

The heat clicked on in that one moment sending a wave of clear air to briefly fill my senses. What was I doing? This would surely bring the Volturi down on us all. I would be what they had predicted, a killer, and a risk. I would expose us all. I couldn't risk my family like this. My mouth snapped shut and I closed my eyes trying to gain control, but the loss of the sense made the over powering aroma too much. The air started recycling around the room, blowing the smell of him towards me.

There was no denying it, I wanted his blood.

I opened my eyes again; maybe I could just taste him, let my teeth brush against the soft membrane that covered the throbbing vein below the skin. I wasn't venemous; I could taste his blood and just drink a small amount. My tongue danced across my razor sharp teeth. The scent was pulling me in and I was using everything I could to fight it. Was it worth the fight? The fire?

I cut off my air and tried to clear my head. My body was shaking. The memory of the smell was just as painful, and I couldn't hold my breath forever. I was partially human and I needed oxygen.

I sat holding my breath. My conscience was still foggy in my mind. I was fighting with myself. I wanted this so badly. I wanted the release only his blood could give me. My lungs tightened in my chest as my air ran out completely. I fought my natural compulsion to drag in the air. I was regaining some of myself. I couldn't breathe in, I couldn't. It was tainted by his smell.

_Just breathe_. My subconscious screamed, he'd done nothing but made my life hell since he arrived. I let my hands drop from the desk and dig into my legs. I bowed my head, turning it from him, dragging what little air I could, but the taste was surrounding me. The wall of defenses was knocked down and my resolve vanished. I had to have him.

My eyes darted around the room, picking out the weakest and the strongest. Mr. Graham would have to go first; he would raise some kind of alarm. No one would notice. It would be quick, painless. Some may catch me, but it would be too late. I could silence them quickly.

Matthew shifted in his seat next to me sending a fresh wave of his delicious scent over me. I took a deep, exaggerated breath, sucking it in through my nose. He would taste so sweet. My eyes closed again as my body pulled me towards him. Maybe I could deal with the others later. The burning was too much, and I needed the sweet release from the fire.

He turned again, his eyes meeting mine. I worked at my smile this time. I could use my natural arsenal of weapons; my beauty had been such a hindrance until now. I didn't have to kill these innocent people, not really. I could talk to him; convince him to come with me. He couldn't say no to me. He wouldn't. Hadn't everyone been saying he had a crush on me all day?

Could I go that far? My conscience nagged, pulling me from the moment again. I felt the dividing line in my head, the good versus the evil. There were so many questions swirling but each side battered them down, begging me to listen to them. If the situation hadn't been so dire I would have laughed. It was like a cartoon, the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. I couldn't really focus on either, and they shouted; the sounds becoming a blurred line of introspect. I just wanted the pain to go away, the burning and the pull. I wanted it to stop. I needed it to stop. _Then take what you want_, I told myself. If it would stop all of this confusion it would be worth it.

I sucked in another breath and was once again assaulted with the smell of his perfect blood. My body shuddered lightly at the pure joy it brought with the pain, because in those veins was sweet release. Instantly the monster won inside of me. There was no ignoring that scent. My throat was calling his name silently. It would stop the pain; it would make it all go away. There was never any choice other than this one.

I leant forward again, my eyes rolled a little as the scent became over bearing. The flames lapped at me, begging me to satiate them.

"Matthew, right?" I asked. My voice was razor sharp and silken. It danced in the air between us, hypnotizing him.

Matthew nodded eagerly.

"How would you feel about taking a walk with me?" I whispered as my bell tones washing his face with the sweet scent of my breath.

"N . . . n . . . now?"

I nodded with as much femininity as I could muster. I pressed my bottom lip out. "I'm bored."

Matthew's head bobbed up and down in agreement. I pushed out from the desk, in a move to stand.

"Nessie!"

The door to the classroom had been thrown open and stood in the center of the room was my dad, his eyes wild and full of pain. Close behind him was Alice and my mom. My body began curling into a crouching position. If they honestly believed I would give up Matthew for them to drink . . .

Before I could finish the thought, my father had his arms around me. His voice was quick in my ear.

"Hold your breath, Ness. We're getting you out of here."

"No." My voice was a growl, but my father's arms were tight around me. Alice came up close and pulled my bag from the table, and my mother was talking to the teacher. I was trying to keep them away from Matthew, from the sweet, sweet scent of Matthew. The voice in the back of my mind snarled. No, I couldn't let this go and leave him here.

Fight!

My dad pulled me into his arms and walked from the room, my eyes never left Matthew. I tried to struggle but it was futile, my dad's arms pinned my limbs against me as he rushed from the school. The further we got, the more complacent I became. When the fresh air hit me, my mind became my own. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. The heat dragged my conscience to the forefront of my mind, slapping me with renewed perspective.

I was going to kill. I had been in the motions of leading him to his death. I was a murderer, a cold blooded murderer.

My chest filled with stabbing pain, it was caused by the loss of me- the realization that I was a monster. There was no denying what had just happened, or what would have happened if my family hadn't intervened. I would have taken his life, with no thought, no regard. The pain in my throat soared to new levels as I visualized my plan, but my mind recoiled. I was disgusted with myself. I didn't deserve to exist. Everything my family had worked for, everything they had taught me had just been destroyed. I was still a blood thirsty animal.

My dad sat me in the passenger side of the Volvo and ran to the other side, quickly climbing in.

"Your keys, Ness."

"In my bag," I squeaked.

My dad rolled his window down and called to Alice and my mom who were emerging from the school.

"Take Nessie's car home, her keys are in her bag."

The two of them nodded and headed towards the car. I watched them; I knew I should feel something, but I was numb. I was empty. I didn't deserve a family after what I had just done.

"Ness, please. Calm down."

I looked across the car at my dad. He was already driving, but I hadn't even noticed.

"It's alright. You didn't do anything wrong, sweetheart."

'_I almost killed someone._' My voice was not my own, and words had escaped me so I thought my answers. I couldn't find my voice. It was locked away with my human emotions. The same emotions that should have stopped me from even thinking about his blood let alone going after it.

"I've been where you are. I know what you're going through."

I tried to fight the burning inside of me to look for recognition of what he was talking about. Nothing was making much sense to me anymore, so I stared at him blankly.

"He was your singer, Ness. That's how your mother was to me when I first met her. She called to me. Her blood was always taunting me, almost daring me to take just one taste, just one small taste. Your memories have strengthened that memory for me. I forgot how potent the first time could be. It consumes you, drags you under."

'_La tua cantante._' the thought was bitter in my head. Yet another reminder of the Volturi.

"You're stronger than that, Ness. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are. If it had been any other vampire in that room with their singer, they would have taken him. There would have been no thoughts, no doubts. It would have been instant."

"How did you know?" My voice cracked violently with the sob that followed the words.

"Orion had another dream. She warned me it would be soon, that you would hunt with an audience. Alice saw the decision you made when he sat next to you. We got here as soon as we could."

I pulled my knees onto the chair and started rocking gently. The images of the plans marched through my head like an invading army, the monster inside my head laughed at my weakness and snarled at my failure to free it. I wrapped my arms around my head, trying with everything inside of me to block the visions. I _was _a monster; there was no compassion, no humanity inside of me. I was a cold killer, and I hated myself.

"No, Ness." My dad pleaded with me. "Do not let this defeat you. You are a pure soul, but you have to understand that a singer tests the very core of you. You have come out stronger, not weaker. Fight this, Ness."

"I haven't got the strength to fight it." I admitted shamefully. "If you hadn't of shown up…I would have killed him, and I would have _enjoyed_ it. I have no doubt about that. I could taste him in the air; the fire in my throat was more than I've ever endured. There would have been no stopping me. Not even my humanity, the blood thirsty voice drowned that out easily. Maybe you _should_ have let the Volturi destroy me."

My dad slammed on the brakes throwing me into the dash. The Audi swerved around us, missing us by inches.

"DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN, RENESMEE CARLIE CULLEN." His voice was a roar, made louder by the small confined space. A growl ripped from his throat as his narrow eyes burnt holes in me.

I swallowed quickly in fear, and guilt washed over me. My parents had put their lives on the line to save me, and I had just thrown that in his face. I was more than a monster, I was pure evil. My dad started driving again; the silence was like a sheet of ice, cold, sharp and hard. It stayed like that for a while, and my thoughts just became more disgusted. Why couldn't I fight it?

"Ness," My dad's voice was calmer again, back to the velvet. "We are what we are; there will always be a part of you that craves what you've never had. But your overwhelming guilt is proof enough that you _are_ human. You're never without your humanity."

I touched his face gently and showed him every thought, every feeling, every emotion that had run through me in the class room. I had convinced myself to kill that boy, and at the time, I hadn't even cared that I would take his life. I hadn't had the slightest remorse at the thought of killing all of those children in the room, just to satiate my own blood lust. I was a monster.

"If only I could show you my own experience. It was just as strong as yours, if not more, because I _have _drank from a human, and I remembered it when I smelt her that first time. The burning was amplified. I considered killing just like you had, but I was able to hold my breath." he sighed. "Something you can't do for a long period of time."

"I tried." I whimpered gently, burying my head in my knees.

"I saw, sweetheart." he sighed. His hand gently smoothed my hair on my head.

The disgust I had with myself was overwhelming and I let myself cry. I cried for the boy I almost killed. I cried for the class full of innocent people I almost slaughtered. I cried for Jacob, because I had let him down. He had imprinted on the one thing he was born to hate. I cried because I had let my family down. I was worthless.

I knew my dad could hear my thoughts, I could see small twinges of pain as the words pounded against my skull. He let me wallow though. He knew that I needed to be angry, that I needed to place blame on myself. Trying to appease me was only making it worse. There was no justification for what I had done.

We pulled into the garage and I climbed out. My mom was waiting with open arms, her face mirrored my pain. She wasn't judging me like I deserved to be judged, she was sympathizing.

"What happened, sweetheart?"

I didn't want to say it out loud. I didn't want to tell her that I was like the monsters she'd tried to protect me from. I couldn't see that disappointment in her eyes, it would crush me; even if I did deserve it. So I raised my hand and placed it on her cheek. I replayed the moment he'd sat next to me to the moment they entered the room.

Her gasp pierced the silence that surrounded us; her dainty hand flew to her neck. I dropped my hand in shame. I was afraid to meet her eyes.

"Edward?" her voice was slightly strained.

"Yes, love." He sounded ashamed.

"Every day?"

"Yes."

I looked up at my eyes flickered between them. Realization hit me and stung. I had just shown my mom what my father had gone through everyday to be with her. He had managed to do what I couldn't; he'd fought against his instinct, against the pain of the fire so he could love her. So he could be with her. I would never have that strength. I had no motivation to save his life. I was in love with Jacob.

I ran from the room, my black mood was tarnishing everything I touched. I just wanted to be alone.

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**A/N: Some of you were very right in your assumptions lol; but this gets a little more complex as time goes by. Let me know what you think, I would live to know how I did with the singer situation.**

**The song for this Chapter is WOULD BE KILLER by GNARLS BARKLEY :)**

**Sorry it took so long to upload; I have been doing the family thing; always fun!**

**Thanks to Orioncat, for being an awesome beta and getting this to me before her vacation :)**

**Vicki; thank you for everything, seriously you are awesome . . . **

**Thanks for the alerts and Faves and . . . THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO ARE SERIOUSLY AWESOME; I HATE TO SOUND SUPER MUSHY, BUT YOU REALLY DO HELP WITH THE WHOLE WRITING PROCESS. I LOVE TO WRITE, BUT KNOWING SOMEONE IS READING IT ADDS THAT LITTLE BIT OF PRESSURE TO PERFECT IT; SO I THANK YOU. YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME AND COMPLETELY ROCK!!!**

**TALK TO YOU SOON - BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	12. Chapter 11: My Body Is A Cage

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

_**

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**_**Chapter 11: My Body is a Cage**

I slammed the door to my room, the windows shook in their frames as a result. I paced around the space, my quick steps tapping on the wood floor like a pendulum. How had this happened? I had been so in control of that part of me. I always had been; well, since the moment Charlie had been introduced into my life anyway.

That first burn in the back of my throat when Charlie had walked into the room had been almost hypnotic; his blood had made me thirsty; but I knew better, I had been warned. Since that time, human blood had never really bothered me so much, it was an inconvenience, sure, but I had always been able to walk away. In all honesty, I would have compared the compulsion to a mere craving. A taste that you knew your body wanted, but you could easily ignore it.

I had never once considered there would be such a large temptation out there for me. I'd heard my parent's story more than once, but I never considered how strong that desire would be, how hot the flames in my throat would lick against the flesh of my throat. How had my dad fought that, being so close to my mom, kissing her, lying next to her? I couldn't imagine being so close to that again; having that temptation calling to me constantly.

Maybe I was just weak, the weak link in a chain of strong vampires. I didn't deserve their sympathy, I didn't deserve their pity. I had almost murdered somebody. I had almost done the one thing that was unforgivable to Jacob and his pack. I couldn't let him see me like this. He would forgive me and I didn't deserve his forgiveness. I deserved to be hated by him. I knew I was too selfish for that though; I needed him too entirely to push him away completely. This had been my mistake and I would live with the compunction of that, but I didn't think I could do it without Jacob.

There was a light tap at my door, pulling me from my thoughts. I had been so lost in the process of my mind, I hadn't heard them approaching. I really didn't want to speak to anybody, I wanted to be alone. I deserved to be alone so I could rip myself apart in peace. Self deprecation could be my companion for a while; I needed to wrap my head around the concept. I knew that they would let me do that. I was stupid to even consider it. They loved me unconditionally and it was something I was barely capable of when it came to myself.

"Renesmee, open your door, please." My mom's gentle voice was pleading, and it crushed me with another wave of guilt. Hadn't I put them through enough? The answer to that was more than enough, but if I let my mother in, she would forgive me and justify my actions. I was too full of self loathing to want that right now. I stood quietly in the middle of the room battling internally; until finally the guilt won.

I pulled my door open and walked towards the bed, too afraid to face my parents. I dropped myself onto the mattress and curled myself around my legs. I really didn't want to be talked down, I deserved to suffer. I couldn't even let my eyes meet theirs. Their innocence reflected from them; the color of their eyes told me the story of their faith. I had brown eyes; even if I had reacted and taken his life; my eyes would not reflect my sin. It hardly seemed fair.

"Ness," My mom was immediately on the bed curled around me with her head resting on my shoulder. I let my eyes slide closed as I absorbed the comfort, it was so wrong to let it course through me, easing my torment, but my mom was always such a comfort to me. I let out a long sigh and basked in the warmth of her love for me. I was so selfish; I didn't deserve this family.

"Ness, listen to me." My dad's voice got louder as he approached us and perched on the bed. "There are probably some things you need to know. You're not the only one to suffer this. Your uncle Emmett went through this twice. It was difficult, and he didn't fight it, but there was no one to stop him either. I went through this with your mom. I heard what you were thinking downstairs, and it isn't true, well, not at first anyway."

I felt the shift of my mom's head as she looked up at him; I just curled around myself tighter, not even sure I wanted to hear this now. I knew they were trying to help me; but they were also trying to justify it.

"I didn't know I loved her until much later. The first time she walked into that classroom, I envisioned every way to kill her that I could."

I lifted my head and looked at him; I could feel my mom tensing around me. I knew they'd discussed this before, but now, because of me, she knew how it had felt. The torment that had passed through him just being close to her, the call of her blood; the physical pain he had suffered.

"The only thing that stopped me, was the knowledge of what it would do to my family should we be discovered. I heard your thoughts Nessie; I heard them long before we got to that room. You were fighting, hard, but I never expected him to be that close to you. It wasn't until I saw him in your mind that I realized how easily you could have taken him. But, you didn't."

"If you hadn't of arrived when you did, I would have."

"I don't think you would. The fresh air hit you and your thoughts changed instantaneously. If you had let him follow you out of the room, you would have taken him outside; the fresh air would have cleared your mind. The only problem would have been that you would have run, and he would have seen your speed."

I doubted that, I had felt that monster rising in me, pushing me to finish what I longed to start. I wouldn't have been able to walk away from that. The monster in my head had won, convinced me to taste the forbidden fruit. I'd let it. There was no walking or running away from that. It was the most basic of my instincts, pushed aside only because of my humanity. If the human part of myself hadn't fought so hard I would have taken him so much sooner.

"Edward, I hate to think you suffered through that, I had no idea. When I caught the scent of the human on the first day and it took control of me, you compared your thirst to that. You never told me how much worse it was for you."

"I didn't want you to know, Bella. You've always blamed yourself for the things that happened in our relationship. I never wanted you to know how much you affected me. You would have blamed yourself, you are now. I can see it behind your eyes. When I knew how much you meant to me, I compartmentalized that burning, placed it in the back of my mind. Your safety was all that mattered to me."

"The pain though." my mom cringed at the thought. "Even Aro mentioned it." She smoothed my hair against my scalp. She'd felt just how much pain had seared through me. She'd also seen the confusion, the suffocation.

"It eased with time, love."

I could see how much love and devotion my parents had for one another, and this new chapter just seemed to add to the battle they'd fought from the beginning. Every odd had stacked against them, yet here they were more in love than ever. Happy; I had that happiness with Jacob, so what did that mean for Matthew?

"So is there any hope for me?" I asked. The sobs had thickened my voice. "I don't care about him, I never will. I love Jacob."

My dad smiled at me. His golden eyes scorched with the ghost of the pain. "You do it for Jacob. You may not love the boy who calls to you, but you do have something to fight for."

"You want me to go back there?" I squealed, the fear choking me. I hadn't even considered going back to school. Just the thought of it made my mouth water in anticipation. It would be madness to sit in the confines of that room with him again. There would be no second thought; I knew I wasn't strong enough for that a second time around.

"Not right now, no. I think you need to hunt; you need to collect yourself and gain your strength. He will test you, you may not feel anything for him, but he will be attracted to you. Everything about you calls to him."

"Are you saying that's why I was so attracted to you?" my mom asked.

"No, Bella. There was an unnatural draw between us. We were never normal, it's like Nessie and Jacob, we never had a choice. Even if I had a choice; it would always be you."

My mom smiled lovingly. "So then . . ."

"Emmett." My dad sighed exasperated.

My uncle appeared at the door as if on cue, his usual grin slapped into place. I couldn't see him suffering like this, letting the torture control him. He was strong. His playful disposition never left you believing he was capable of killing anyone. I'd seen him playing with his food, the bears were always tormented by his laughing, and I just couldn't see him letting the darkness consume him that way.

"Did I hear my name?" His wide grin showed every one of his glistening teeth and I tried to imagine him as a predator. It was no use; the smile took precedence over the razor sharp, pearly white teeth below it.

"We were talking about your singers."

Emmett nodded; I could see the awkwardness the reminder gave him; he smile faltered slightly. He sauntered into the room and joined us on the bed. My large bed was growing rather crowded. I moved further into the middle to afford my guests more space.

"Is it true they were attracted to you Emmett?" My mom whispered.

Emmett was quietly thoughtful, a side of him I'd never seen. I could see my dad cringing as Emmett replayed the memories in his head; but Emmett's face was calm and serene. It seemed he'd made peace with his mistakes.

"They were aware of me, like I'd called their name. I think I could have walked away if they hadn't of approached me. The second time I hadn't known, we were out in the open, I hadn't picked up the strength of her scent. The wind was blowing in the opposite direction, but she approached me. Before that there was only a slight assault, one I could have fought, but it got stronger the closer she came, I couldn't move, I couldn't think. The scent attacked everything, it was hopeless, and I didn't want to fight it, not that I really could have. I could see the fear in her eyes, but she kept moving towards me."

The deep thoughtful remorse passed over Emmett's brow fleetingly before he smiled again. I could see that it affected him more than he would ever admit out loud. The memory was distant thought, eased with time. I could see a faint shadow of the pain it had caused him. I was sure the repercussions of his actions had included the entire family, but they had forgiven him; just as they would have forgiven me.

"You're stronger than all that though, Nessie. You were born into this; you have the strength I never had. You're a product of your father." Emmett laughed, slapping my dad's shoulder with unnecessary force. He winked at my mom. "Not to mention your freak of a mother."

My dad growled lightly but my mom laughed at the brotherly slight Emmett had just offered. Her airy laugh relaxed my dad almost immediately and he took her hand in his.

"Has anyone else come across this?" I whispered still not convinced.

"It's hard to say, living as we do, we notice when something takes control of our senses. Vampires with the more traditional diet wouldn't notice as much, they wouldn't think twice about taking what they wanted." My dad said thoughtfully.

"So, it's all conductive to my will power?" I groaned. I had already experienced how little of a defense that was. I couldn't even stop the overwhelming smell because I had to breathe. I couldn't hold my breath indefinitely like the rest of my family. It was a complication because the taste of the air filled my lungs when I breathed. The scent gave the pleasurable signals to the receptors in my brain. I couldn't just switch that off.

"We already thought about that." My dad said thoughtfully.

"Talked about what exactly?" My mom sounded frustrated.

"Nessie hasn't got the ability to hold her breath as we do. She needs to breathe. She tried to hold it in the classroom, but it just made it worse."

My mom's grip tightened around me. She knew; I had shown her that, but reliving it was just as difficult for her. I lay quietly in her arms, a multitude of emotions once again drowning me. I didn't deserve her comfort, so I felt guilty and angry all over again. Emmett's words, meant for comfort did nothing to help me; I understood a little more, but it still left me hopeless. I was confused about how to solve the problem; I was scared because I didn't know what the outcome would be.

My heart was beating against my ribs because I couldn't stand to see the disappointment on Jacob's face. In the silence that had converged on my room, I could hear him coming; his paws pounding gently against the bracken. He was running flat out.

I didn't want to see him because of the shame, but pushing him away would hurt him, and scare him. I just needed time to process this, and watching me going through that would torture him. My chest tightened, he always made me feel so much better, but I needed to feel the pain, remember it. My perfect recall would always hold the burning urge that had pushed me, but if I was going to make an effort to go through this again, I needed to come to terms with it.

"Nessie," Jacob's voice filled the house. The panic was easy to read in his voice. I had put him through so much. Could I honestly push him away, even if it was just for a short while? The answer this time was no.

"Up here, Jake." my mom answered. She unwrapped herself from me and kissed my forehead before getting off the bed. "We'll figure it out baby."

I nodded and buried my head in my arms. I peeked through the small gap, afraid of the look that would be on Jake's face. My dad patted my leg gently and got up from the bed. He wrapped his arm around my mom, guiding her from the room. He was giving Jacob and I space; and for the first time that terrified me, because I wasn't sure what was going through his mind.

Emmett grinned at me. I could see that he thought I was going to be fine. I wished I was that sure. I watched as Emmett climbed off the bed and headed to the door, slapping Jacob on the back as he passed. I tightened my arms so I could no longer see, I couldn't stand to see the pain behind his dark eyes. I heard the door click as it was pushed or pulled closed; I wasn't sure which, Jacob's heart drowned out everything.

"Ness, honey,"

I felt the slight indentation of his weight on the bed. His body slid down, molding itself around mine. His face was buried in my neck, his hot breath bathing over my skin. I wanted to roll into him and cry, but I was still so angry at myself, angry at the monster inside of me.

"Talk to me." he breathed. I could hear the pain in his voice. His fingers ran through my hair as he nuzzled further into my neck. I couldn't fight this level of love. If I was being honest I didn't want to. I wanted his arms wrapped around me; I wanted his to whisper how much he loved me.

Selfishly, I rolled into him, burying my head into his chest. I finally let go, and I cried.

It took a long time for the sobs to subside; I didn't know how long I had been cradled in Jacob's arms either. I did know, however, that I had, at some point, cried myself to sleep. I woke up feeling exhausted, my chest was constricted, and the pain was heavier somehow. I could feel the gentle stroke of Jacob's hand and he smoothed my hair.

"How did you know?" I croaked, my voice cracking in odd places.

"Anna."

"Jake, I . . ."

"Nessie, you don't need to explain. I spoke with your mom while you were asleep. Don't be mad; she just wanted me to understand. It was kind of strange really; she was going on about missed opportunities and history repeating itself. She just thought it would be easier if I understood."

A wave of disgust for myself rolled over me, working its way into the crevices of my heart. I was not who he thought I was; I wasn't the pure soul he'd thought. I was a cold blooded killer. I pushed myself away from him and headed towards the bathroom, not once did I look at his face, fearful of what I would find. He knew, he knew how blackened my heart had become and what I was capable of. I silently thanked my mom for her honesty; at least he knew, at least he understood.

I pushed the door closed and leaned against it. My heart was silently breaking in my chest, each crack echoing his name. I let myself slide down the door and curled myself around my legs. I needed him so badly. I heard him moving about my room, his feet padded towards the bathroom door. I could hear his palm resting against the door, his pulse echoed through the hollow ingress.

"Renesmee. I didn't mean to upset you, honey. I was just worried."

I felt another pang in my chest, I was so torn apart, and so afraid of losing the only man I would ever love. I had to fix this, but in order to do that I had to see his face; I had to deal with the disappointment there. I knew I had to face him and see the demon reflected back at me from his eyes.

"Come in, Jake." I whispered. I slid my body away from the door enough that he could get through it; I pressed my back against the corresponding wall and pulled my legs into my chest. I was scared. I buried my head into my knees and waited for him to come in.

The door eased open; I knew he'd heard me sliding down it just as clearly as I'd heard his palm against the door. I waited, scrunching my eyes closed, I heard his feet shuffle through the door, and my heart was in my throat. I was hyper aware of how close he was to me, I could feel his eyes on me. Then his hand was on the back of my neck, covering the skin there, his thumb brushed along my hairline. My resolve crumbled and I cracked . . . I needed him.

Uncoiling myself I threw my arms around his neck and pushed myself against him. He caught me easily in his embrace, rocking me gently as another wave of sobs attacked me. My body was shaking violently as I silently reprimanded myself, but I couldn't be upset; not here in his arms, he was too much of a comfort to me.

"Nessie,"

He pushed me away from him slowly and brushed my hair from my face, strands clung to where the tears had rolled down my cheeks. He picked them away softly as I hung my head in shame. His finger brushed my chin as he raised my face to meet his, but I couldn't meet his eyes. My hands twitched where they rested against his shoulders. I was fighting the urge to run away from him. The compunction of what I had done was crushing me.

"Baby, look at me."

My heart tripped over itself as the term of endearment washed over me. He'd never used that intimation when referring to me. My eyes flickered to his and my heart crashed in waves. What I had feared the most, the disappointment, the disgrace, was nowhere to be seen. Instead, his soulful eyes were filled with concern, with love, with sympathy.

"I'm so sorry." I sobbed. My hand brushed against his cheek.

"There's nothing to be sorry about." He chuckled humorlessly.

"What I did . . ." I couldn't finish the thought; I knew I would have to show him. It was the only way he would understand. I pressed my palm against his face and closed my eyes, once again reliving the pain that had consumed me, the desire, and the blood lust. He had to understand.

"I'm a monster." I dropped my hand and sat back on my legs again. Now that he'd seen everything, I was scared. He was silent, his breathing ragged, his heart pounding.

His hands cupped my face and lifted it so he could see my eyes again. There was still no disappointment. I couldn't understand why he was being so forgiving.

"Will you please stop hiding your face?" He sighed.

"How can you even look at me after that?"

"Nessie, you're half vampire. When Bells explained the concept of a singer to me, it all made sense. Seeing it first hand only makes me realize how _strong _you are."

"Strong? Jake, I almost killed him."

"But you didn't, I can see that through your memories, I can see how conflicted you were."

"Jake, if my family hadn't of intervened, I would have murdered him. There is no excuse for that behavior. I would have become what you fight against."

"That's not who you are."

"Do you really believe that?"

"With everything I am."

"How can you say that after what I just showed you?"

"Because it's what I believe. I know the person in here," he touched my heart with his hand.

There was so much conviction in his words, I couldn't doubt him. I didn't want to. I wanted to believe that's who I was. I knew it was who I used to be, but I couldn't shake this fault line that was breaking me from within; splitting me apart. Jacob pulled me into his lap and kissed my forehead.

We sat in silence again as he held me; there was no need for words as the love ebbed between us. He understood me deeper that I had ever considered. I was beginning to think that he knew me better than I knew myself. I hoped he was right. I hoped that wasn't who I had become.

"I think we should hunt," he sighed. "I should have taken you last night."

"That was my fault."

I wouldn't let him take the blame for my mistakes. It was my responsibility to look after myself. I knew how thirsty I was becoming, but I'd ignored it, my selfish nature had pushed it aside so I could act like a normal human. It sounded so ridiculous to me now. I was never going to be human; I should have known that, I never should have tried to be something that I wasn't.

Thinking about my human side, brought with it, a rush of realizations. Anna, I had driven her to school this morning. I had left her alone in my own personal hell; to deal with the repercussions of my selfishness, my weakness. I knew the rumor mill would be working double time after the little show in the trig room. I had left her to deal with that alone.

"Anna?" I whispered.

"Seth has the rabbit. He took her home. She's worried about you. Apparently, Bells told your teacher that there was a family emergency. The kids started going on about how you freaked out, so they were speculating that someone died in your family."

"I guess it could be worse." I sighed. I would happily never go to school again, but I doubted that was an option.

"She came running into the forest shouting; scared the life out of Seth and me."

"I'll bet. Is she alright?"

"Just worried; she wanted to come with me, but I told her to hang tight. She asked me to tell you to call her." Jacob raised his eyebrows.

"Is there anything else?" I asked sarcastically.

"Nope,"

I leaned into his chest and sighed deeply. "If I ever enroll in high school again, you're coming with me, and you will behave yourself."

"No arguments from me."

Jacob buried his head into my neck and drew in a large breath. I knew I'd scared him, and I hated that I'd put him through all that. It was so much easier to calmly gain perspective with him this close. As always, he was the driving force in my life, the one thing that made sense. As long as he was by my side, I knew I could deal with anything.

The problem was, he was banned from the one place I needed him the most, the one place he could truly save me. I didn't know if I was ever going to return to Darrington high school, I would rather avoid it completely.

I wasn't sure if I could do that though. Anna would not forgive me for something like that. Befriending me had guaranteed that she would be on the outside looking in, and I couldn't let her do that alone. Even before Seth she had made sacrifices for me; faced the snide comments and whispers. She was even, on occasion, known to start a verbal onslaught on my account.

I knew what I had to do; I just had to dig deep for my strength. Jacob believed in me, my parents and family believed in me. I just had to believe in myself. It was going to take everything I had just to walk through the doors of that school. I was sure Matthew had seen the monster dwelling behind my eyes, waiting to pounce. I just hoped it was enough to keep him away.

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**A/N: If you see any punctuation and grammar mistakes I apologize; my beta is on vacation and I had to post or wait for her to get back :). Figured I would give it a shot.**

**Thank you so much for your response to the last chapter; you blew me away. The song for this Chapter is; MY BODY IS A CAGE by ARCADE FIRE. As always there is a link to the media player on my profile so you can listen to the music that goes with the chapter :) I have a tiny case of writers block at the moment but I am on Chapter 28; and I'm hoping it won't last long enough for you to catch up with me :)**

**Jackie; thanks for being an awesome beta and a great friend and Vicki; thanks, as always, for being just as insane as I am :)**

**Thank you for the alerts and faves; and as always . . . A HUGE THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS; YOU GUYS REALLY DO INSPIRE ME AND I LOVE READING WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY . . . YOU GUYS ROCK!!!**

**BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	13. Chapter 12: It's Not Over Yet

_**All things Twilight belong to the awesome Stephenie Meyer :)**_

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**_**Chapter 12: It's Not Over Yet  
**

I should have known Jacob would make everything seem better. He had a way with me. He knew how to calm me down and help me look at the world objectively again. We were symbiotic. If I didn't have him in my life I wouldn't function correctly, and I knew it was the same in reverse.

He dragged me out of the house, pulling me towards the mountains. Drag wasn't really accurate considering I let him pull me along behind him. He was going to ensure I fed now. Not that I would have protested, I knew that I had pushed myself to the limits. I had grown entirely too confident when it came to my thirst. The last four years I had been surrounded by humans, their blood was always tempting; but it had never been too much to handle. Just a nagging reminder of what I needed to do.

Matthew then popped into my head; it appeared his was my antagonist; my kryptonite if you will. With my perfect recall, the memory of the smell caused small waves of fire to push me. The animal blood wouldn't extinguish this completely, but it would ease it to a bearable level again, something I could deal with, rather than suffer through.

Jacob phased as soon as we hit the base of the mountain. I heard the exact moment his feet turned into paws, when two became four. I liked running with him in his wolf form, his speed ensured gentle waves of wind to ruffle the coat on his back. His long stride was mesmerizing, his nails dug into the dirt as he pushed himself to keep pace with me. The gentle thud of his paws, and the pounding of his heart; it was all so familiar to me. It calmed my heart into a steady rhythm, I was comfortable.

We ran for miles, the familiar push as the wind flew by, the smells assaulting my senses. It cleared my foggy head, and I finally felt lighter than I had since the incident. I listened while I ran. Looking for the slight heartbeat of the animal that would finally take the pain from my throat; I would have preferred a carnivore, the blood was closer to that of a human, but at this point I would take anything. The fire was still raging in my throat as a constant nag to fulfill my need; my body was still revolting from the last memory I had let run through my mind.

I focused on Jacob again, and let the calm I felt pull me and my mind into submission. I didn't need any reminders; and I really needed to stop thinking about it.

The forest thinned slightly as we scaled the mountain. I could hear more; the open spaces let the wind carry the sounds over greater distances. The soft wet thrumming of a heartbeat caught my attention and I changed my course mid stride. Jacob didn't falter once, we moved together heading east. My throat caught fire again as the scent grew stronger. I could smell the musty earthiness of the animal as I closed in on it, it was an herbivore. My needs outweighed my wants as I pushed myself further; faster.

I broke through the trees into a clearing, a small heard of black tailed deer were grazing peacefully. It was evident that they hadn't heard my approach. My feet fell lightly on the earth below them; I broke through the trees silently; but my sudden appearance sent them scattering. The largest buck in the herd took off into the trees leaping in small bounds as it tried to divert me from its path. It didn't have a chance, I pushed myself forward again and I pounced letting myself coast through the air towards the animal. I drank deeply from the pulsing vein and let the liquid slide down my throat.

The blood hadn't satisfied me completely; so I worked through the animals as Jacob herded them, keeping them all in the vicinity. When I was a child he would hunt with me, but I didn't need the encouragement anymore, so he was satisfied with just running with me; helping me when he could.

The burning finally subsided to a dull ache with the fourth deer I drained. With the relief, came the normalcy I had been hoping for, I felt more like myself and my black mood finally lifted completely. It was liberating; my thoughts finally stopped berating me and my conscience calmed.

I caught sight of Jacob flying through the trees around me.

With quick precise movements I scaled a silver fir and perched on a sturdy branch, just watching the freedom he exerted when he ran. The love I felt for him surged through my veins, there would never be anything more important to me than him. He was my life. Every dream I had, included him by my side.

His four paws hit the ground in a precise motion, the sinewy muscles pulled and relaxed as he pushed himself forward. He moved as though he were dancing. With a defined beauty and grace he wove through the trees with the deer, constantly nudging them with his shoulder when they began testing their boundaries. The animals began relaxing next to him; he hadn't taken one of them down and with each circle I could see them growing more aware of it.

I sat silently watching him; I must have stayed that way for a while it was almost hypnotic to watch. I was leaned against the trunk of the tree with my feet hanging from the side. I would close my eyes as he passed by my tree; letting the feel of his magisterial movements shift me slightly.

The winds eventually changed direction and I could feel the change in the atmosphere as the weather began to turn. Jacob did too; he slowed to a trot and made his way back to the clearing, his nose testing the air around him. It didn't take long for him to find me.

"Are you finished?" I laughed.

Jacob's tail sashayed from side to side; he sat patiently at the base of the tree waiting for me to join him; I could see the excitement sparkling in his eyes. I pushed away from the branch and landed perfectly beside him; as I ran my fingers through his fur, he nuzzled me gently. I could see the relief in his eyes at the obvious change in my mood. I leaned into his shoulder; the softness of the fur was dancing across my skin. I couldn't help but smile, it was so homey.

"Will you phase back and walk with me?" I asked, I knew it sounded a little needy; but now I was over my self-pity and frustration. I wanted to spend time with him.

I didn't need to see the look in his eyes to see his answer. He moved slightly so I would back away from him, so I did. He stood up and walked away, disappearing into the thickest section of the trees. It was so easy to tell when he phased, everything changed; his heartbeat, his scent, the blood pulsing through him.

It was also quick. He had such control over what he was, I was almost jealous; almost.

"There's a storm coming in." Jacob's voice called from behind the trees. "You sure you wanna walk."

"It's not like I'll get cold." I laughed, falling into his waiting arms. "I just want to spend some time with you now I've had a little time to reflect."

His free hand brushed my hair from my face; his smile was broad. The relief was even clearer now he was in his human form. His expressive eyes were clear, and the lines that had furrowed across his brow had gone from earlier. They were replaced by a serenity that spoke volumes.

I pushed myself up on my toes, wrapping my hands around his neck. Jacob smirked, almost as though he'd determined that this was why I'd asked him to phase back. In truth, it was one of the many reasons. Now I was free to kiss him, I couldn't get enough.

Jacob bent until his face was level with me. His eyes searched for something in mine, but I was impatient. I leaned into him, crushing my lips against his. This was my personal heaven, and I felt myself falling into him; molding myself to his form, pulling him closer. I wasn't being gentle either. As soon as our lips had touched I ached for more, my hands tangled in the hair at the back of his neck, pulling him into me.

My heart took off on a flightless path pounding in my chest. Something in me was pushing me forward. I tangled myself into him the feeling was like another kind of animal; this time though it felt right. Jacob's hands gripped my hips pulling me to him. I grunted lightly as my chest impacted against his. His hands roamed up over me again, leaving wild trails of fire in their wake; stopping only when he reached my neck. His fingers cradled me; holding me to him in our need for one another.

Jacob's hands were running through the locks of hair that fell just behind my ears, his large fingers knotting the strands as he held my closer. My body was screaming his name and I just could get enough, I ached for him.

There was so much desperation in this kiss, almost as though my sanity was attached to it. The incident moved to the back of my mind as the kiss grew more passionate. I was fueled by the need to forget. By the need to repress what had happened.

Jacob was also losing himself to this one moment. His hands had moved from my hair back to my hips, and worked their way up my body, pushing my back so I was bowed into his body completely. Pushing me so my chest was crushed against his; there was a magnetism between us, and it was creating a fire in my soul. Like this; he was all I could ever think about. Even with my eyes closed I could see his face tattooed on the back of my eyelids. We were lost to the moment.

Jacob came to his senses all too quickly, I moaned lightly and he broke apart from me fighting for breath; he buried his face in my neck as we fought for air.

"Nessie, honey,"

"I know, I'm sorry," I panted running my hands through his hair. "I needed you. I needed to forget."

"I always need you. I just don't want this to go too far."

"I know. I . . ."

Jacob placed his finger against my lips, lifting his head to look at me. I could still see the passion burning behind his eyes. For one second I wondered how much effort it had taken for him to stop. I knew that beyond a doubt, I had already passed the point of no return. I would never have found the effort to stop the kiss from progressing. Everything in me had burned, but it was with passion, it was my need for him.

"I am not looking for apologies." He said huskily. "I was as involved in this as much as you were. I have no regrets. I just don't think this needs to happen here. Like this. In reaction to what happened. You need to be ready. I need to be ready." He admitted brushing a strand of hair over my shoulder.

It all made perfect sense of course. He was right; this was all a reaction to what happened. It wasn't that I didn't want this to happen, because I did. Since our first kiss on the cliff; since the moment I knew I did not just love him; but was in love with him. I knew I wanted all of him, it was just when we made the decision to take our relationship further; it would be romantic, it would be perfect. Not in the middle of the forest fueled by the need to forget. I loved him all the more for stopping it; for respecting our relationship, for respecting me. If it was possible I loved him more for it.

He was more understanding than I deserved, and I knew that. His forgiveness stemmed from his love for me. I knew that ignoring the situation, pushing it to the back of my mind like I had done; would not solve the problem. It was a temporary fix, something that dulled the sting of my actions, but didn't rectify them. Those few blissful moments that I had been able to forget brought everything into perspective.

I had to fight this; I couldn't let it control me. My procrastination in hunting had made things worse; I knew I was stronger than that. My dad was right, I had to take some time to gain perspective before I went back, I was prepared for it now, and I expected it. Knowing whether it made me stronger; only time would tell, but I wouldn't let this beat me. I wouldn't dwell on what had happened anymore; because in retrospect, nothing had happened.

I was going to take a couple of days off, gather myself before I threw myself into the lion's den that would undoubtedly assault my sense and self control. I knew Anna would help me if I explained. I may even have to skip Trig altogether. It wasn't as though it was a class I took with Anna, so it wouldn't affect her.

Anna was in algebraic geometry, she had an affinity for Math, and it was college level applied mathematics. Something I could do easily but avoided so I wouldn't draw attention to myself. I was hoping I could transfer to that class, and then there would only be lunch to consider while avoiding him. Could I ask that of myself? I thought it was a reasonable boundary for now.

If, like my dad had mentioned, he seeks me out; I could change something more, consider not returning. It would be trial and error for a while. Testing my own limitations; it was a risk taking a human life into that equation but for now it was my only option, and I hoped that my family and Jacob's faith in me proved to be warranted.

Jacob chuckled at me bringing me out of my rearranging. I hated to imagine what I looked like while I was concentrating. His fingers moved to the small crease that I knew was furrowed in my brow.

"What are you thinking about so hard?"

"School, getting around this mess,"

"That's easy," he said pulling me to him. "Don't go back."

I laughed lightly. "I would like that, but I can't do that to Anna."

Jacob's hands brushed my hair over my shoulder and his head once again nuzzled into my neck. His breath rolled in waves over my skin. I sighed in content, all too ready to agree with him. I could definitely get used to days filled with spending time with just him again.

"Are you sure?" he whispered.

"No," I laughed wrapping my arms around his waist. "But it would be unfair. You know how ostracized she is because of me."

Jacob sighed and lifted his head so he could look at me again. I felt the strands of hair wave against my back with his lingering sigh. I could almost see the words dancing around behind his eyes. I was sure he was saying I was just like my mother, self sacrificing, always putting others before myself. Maybe he was right; but Anna had done no less for me.

"Anyway," I whispered. "If I leave school, we may have to move again. We've been here a while now. You know how it goes. Carlisle isn't getting any older."

Jacob rolled his eyes at me, standing up straight. He hated that reminder; he was always so fearful that the next move would take us further away from him. Something neither of us wanted.

"Fine but I'm staying close. I'll ask Seth to make sure Anna knows we're there. I don't want you to go through this again."

"When do you sleep?" I sighed. I knew that his double patrols would start wearing on him soon. It was another reason I had insisted he stayed with me the previous night. The same reason I would insist he would stay with me tonight. I didn't need him suffering because of me.

"Embry and Quil Patrol while Seth and I sleep. Leah and Eli are taking care of the Rez."

"You're wearing yourself thin, Jake. I'm fine at home; I don't think anyone will get through my family. They'd be crazy to try."

"It makes _me_ feel better." he chuckled. He could be such a control freak sometimes it drove me crazy.

This time I rolled my eyes, but I wouldn't argue. It would be pointless. When it came to his pack, he knew how to utilize his resources. He kept Quil in La Push a majority of the time because of Claire. Embry didn't mind where he patrolled. I was guessing he enjoyed the closeness of Seattle to Darrington.

"Since you gained your Mom's stubborn side," he sighed, "what's this plan of yours?"

"Well," I grinned. "I was considering swapping the one class I have with him. The only class I don't have with Anna. That way all I have to worry about is lunch. Which will only be while I pick up food for us."

"Us?"

"Yes, I plan to spend lunch with you every day that you insist on being out there."

Jacob laughed and picked up my hand as he stepped away. It was time to head back home. Tomorrow I would start rearranging my schedule at school. It would make it a lot easier to bear if I didn't have to face the boy I had almost murdered. The absence of his scent would probably be helpful too. Although I knew his scent would have, by now, filled the place. It would be a lingering reminder, something I believed I could handle now that I knew what I was looking for.

We made it back to the house in record time, and just as the storm started hitting the mountains behind us. I challenged Jacob to a race as we sprinted; I knew that to get anywhere close to my speed he would need to phase.

How the tables had turned. As a child he would constantly challenge me, it was a ploy to get me to feed from the animals, and it had worked. Now, I was the one challenging him. I had so much more strength now and I enjoyed the freedom my speed afforded me.

Jacob agreed after mumbling about my uncles being bad influences; he disappeared into the trees and I once again heard the subtle sigh of his change. He came out from the trees and shook his shaggy coat out. His body crouched closer to the ground so he could get a lead when he took off.

"You want a head start?" I asked taunting him playfully.

Jacob shook his head and I could see the humor in his eyes as he waited me to call the start of the race. I called it and took off before the last syllable was all the way out of my mouth; I shot through the trees at my full speed, trying to contain the laugh I had building in me.

Running down the mountainside was a thrill, the gravity made my movements faster, pulling me down through the trees as the wind whipped my hair into a trail of bronze behind me. I never had to look back for Jacob, he was fast and easily kept up with me, his four paws pushed him forward, and I could hear his heart throbbing with excitement.

I won, and skidded to a halt just outside of the large house. I could feel the flush in my cheeks as I laughed and spun around just in time to hop out of the way as Jacob dug his claws into the damp earth beneath him. It made me laugh that much harder, this giant canine sliding across the grass beside me, his hind legs slightly spinning as he worked harder to stop. It was definitely a sight to behold.

I heard the muffled giggle from the porch over my own; it was a laugh I recognized well. One I was happy to hear. Anna, eyes wide, clinging to Seth, had her hand over her mouth as she watched Jacob shake out his fur. I smiled at her and slapped Jacob's shoulder as I passed him.

"Go phase." I laughed.

I hopped up the steps of the porch and wrapped my arms around my friend. I should have known she would come here before going home. She truly was the best friend I would ever have.

"Anna, I'm so sorry."

She didn't say a word, but squeezed me with as much strength as she could muster. I had worried her. Her silence spoke volumes; Anna had a sarcastic quip for everything in life. The only time she was ever silent was when she was holding back tears.

"Please don't cry." I whispered. "Everything is fine. I just need to be more careful."

Seth smiled at me knowingly and stroked the back of Anna's hair gently. Seeking his comfort she turned, and Seth pulled Anna into his arms, his hand held the back of her head as she buried her face into his chest. She broke down and cried, her sobs shaking her shoulders violently. Guilt struck me again. My thoughtlessness had affected everyone.

"She didn't know what to believe." Seth said gently. "There were a dozen different stories. All she knew was you weren't there and the entire school was talking about it."

Jacob leapt up the stairs as I stood uncomfortably next to my crying friend. I knew he could see the discomfort and pain in my eyes. His arms wrapped around my waist as he stepped behind me, pulling my back against him. I had never been the source of Anna's tears before and it hurt. I never wanted to be the source of her pain again.

"I have a plan to stop this from happening again." I whispered, laying my hand on her back. "I'm going to transfer into your class if they'll let me. It's the only class we don't have together and the only class I have with him. I figured avoidance is the best answer."

Anna finally emerged from Seth's shoulder; her red swollen eyes were trying to read something behind mine. I didn't know why she was looking skeptical.

"You're coming back to school?"

I smiled and nodded, hoping it was the right answer. It was. Anna threw herself at me again; she grasped my hands jumping lightly on her feet.

"Of course I am. You think I would leave you alone in there."

Anna laughed with a little more animation. I could see the relief as she let it sink in. She wouldn't have to spend her senior year alone. I would be there, like I always had been. She pulled me out of Jacob's arms and threw her arms around my neck.

"I don't care about school. I was worried about you, Ness. It's just that, if you're going back, I know you're alright."

"Of course I'm alright. I'm half vampire. It was never me I was worried about."

Anna stepped back, and smiled at me. "Seth told me what happened Ness. It's just a coincidence. If he comes near you again, I swear, I'll . . ."

"Anna," I said cutting her off. "He won't get close to me. I know now, he just caught me off guard."

We all stood silently and I didn't miss the look that passed between Seth and Jacob. I couldn't see Jacob's face but Seth's said it all. They were worried; it wasn't because what had happened. Jacob would never lie to me about his thoughts. They just knew that this wasn't as easy as I'd just made it out to be.

I put my hand on Jacob's cheek, showing him that I had seen the exchange. His hands tightened around my waist as the look played back to him again. The vision was filled with my concern. I didn't want this to go badly, and I was scared. I needed more time before I put myself back in his path.

"Do you guys mind giving us a minute?" Jacob asked.

Anna and Seth didn't hesitate and let themselves into the house. Jacob was about to reassure me, but I didn't need reassurances. I needed time and strength. Jacob pulled me down off the porch and sat me down on the steps. He sat next to me, holding my hand in his.

"Ness, I won't lie to you, we're worried. This isn't fear of you or what you're capable of. It's fear that this kid won't get the hint. You're strong, I don't doubt that, but I can only imagine how difficult that was for you today. If he pushes his luck . . ." Jacob sighed and shook his head. "Your mom told me how he would see this, that he would think there was an attraction between you. I can't pretend I'm alright with that."

"Jacob," my tone was a little reprimanding. "I love you. Not just because I'm your imprint, but because of who you are. No one will ever touch that."

Jacob chuckled. "I'm not worried about you. I know how men's minds work. He won't give up easily, and I'm worried it'll be painful for you."

I rested my forehead against his shoulder and picked up his hand in my own. It would be painful for me. I knew that, if he ever got that close again it would be hard to walk away from it. It would be even harder if I failed. But I had to try; I would never forgive myself for giving up now. I needed to know that I could do this; that I could abstain. Living a life of solitude because I couldn't trust myself was never really an option. One incident would not determine my future for me; and I wouldn't let it cloud me with self-doubt.

I had to come up with a plan. I couldn't avoid Matthew forever. Darrington was a small town; you couldn't avoid someone for that long in a town this small. Running into him again was inevitable. I just had to make sure I was prepared. I just hoped that when the time came I would have someone stronger with me. Someone that could keep me grounded.

"I'll be fine, Jake."

"I know you will, I trust you."

I couldn't help smiling at that. He had more faith in me than I had in myself.

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**A/N: Sorry guys, with the holidays my schedule has been insane; but I should be able to get back on track with the updates now! There was no beta for this chapter either, so I apologize for any mistakes you find ;)  
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**The song for this chapter is; It's not over yet by the Klaxons. As always if you want to hear it there is a link to a media player on my profile :)**

**Thank you to my beta who should be returning from her vacation . . . she rocks. And to my friend Vicki; who shares my irrational hate of Ashton Kutcher . . . Admit it you laughed!**

**Thank you for the alerts and faves, and as always . . . THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO ALWAYS TAKE TIME TO WRITE DOWN WHAT THEY THEY THINK, Y'ALL ENCOURAGE ME SO MUCH AND I LOVE YA FOR IT . . . YOU ROCK!!!**

**Until Tuesday**

**BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	14. Chapter 13: Summer's End

_**All things Twilight belong to the awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

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**_Chapter 13: Summers End

I didn't go back to school for the entire week. I was ready after two days, but my self indulgence in Jacob had become almost embarrassing. He spent every day with me. Embry and Quil had been recruited to look after his small side business fixing cars. It was heavenly; we would lie around with one another just talking and laughing. He was everything I ever needed and I couldn't have been happier that I had this time with him to realize it. He could make me laugh at the drop of a hat and silence me just as quickly with the gently touch of his lips. He was passionate and honest; and I would never doubt that he loved me.

If I had been this way with Jacob before; I don't think I would have ever started high school. He was loving and completely distracting. His touch would send my thoughts into a free fall and I would lose track of anything I was supposed to be doing. It all made that one blissful week fly by entirely too quickly. I was sure that my parents were happy about my reinstatement at school. I knew my thoughts couldn't be something my dad would want to constantly hear.

Anna, refusing to go to school without me, contracted a mysterious illness. She was also at my house every minute her parents were at work. It was one of the best weeks I had ever experienced. She and Seth would constantly leave late and have to rush to her house before her absence was noticed by her parents. I couldn't help but laugh as Seth pushed to poor Rabbit to it's limit.

It was nice feeling like myself again; but I was still nervous at having to face school again on Monday. Just knowing that Matthew was behind those doors made the return all the more daunting. Carlisle had managed to get my schedule rearranged. It hadn't taken much, he'd walked into the office and dealt with the administrator. A middle aged woman that immediately fell for his prowess.

Knowing I wouldn't be forced into a small room with Matthew made my return a little less consternating. It didn't, unfortunately, remove me from his path altogether. I knew that I would have to be careful when I returned. My dad had informed me that Matthew was fascinated by me, intrigued even. He'd done some ground work while Carlisle was in the office. My family was going to every extent to make this easier for me.

Knowing what Matthew was thinking, didn't encourage Jacob. Especially as he couldn't protect me where I was the most vulnerable. Everyone had been trying to find a solution to this problem. None of my aunts or uncles could re-enroll, neither could Jacob or Seth. I was beginning to wonder if he would try and enroll Embry or Quil. I hadn't vocalized that concern knowing he wouldn't hesitate to do it, even before I had been able to reiterate that I had been joking. So I left it alone and hoped he wouldn't come to that conclusion himself.

Anna wasn't concerned, at all, she'd stated that he was as human as she was and she'd take him down if necessary. I appreciated her sentiment, and even though I knew she would never physically tackle him; I knew she would do everything in her power to keep him away from me. I had a support system; and I knew that Jacob would be close if anything untoward came about. I just had to believe I was strong enough. I had to believe in myself.

I hadn't heard anything more from Orion so I assumed that things were finally getting back on track. She had called to check on me after her warning call to my dad. She had explained what the dream she saw was. Instead of there being all red, there was only me with red eyes, and surrounding me had been a crowd of faceless figures. She was surprised when I revealed that he was my singer. As a half vampire, I had brown eyes, they never changed with choice of diet, but her dream was in symbols; and her dream had been right.

In preparation for returning to school, I had been hunting every day. Consequentially, my thirst was almost non existent, and my throat was rarely burning. I had never fed this much before, and Esme was beginning to cook less because I could barely manage anything she tried to feed me. Jacob hadn't complained and none of the food have ever gone to waste. If he happened to leave anything at all, Seth would finish it for breakfast the next morning.

Jacob had been spending almost every night with me since the whole Matthew situation. It had been dubbed 'The Incident' and that's just how it was known now. I could sleep dreamlessly while laying in Jacob's arms. I was sure my parents would start putting up a fight about it but they surprised me by letting it go. My dad often threw us disapproving glances, but my mom would elbow him surreptitiously and shake her head. There appeared to be some things even I was unaware of in their past.

I had asked Rosalie about that, knowing I would get an honest and blunt answer from her. She had told me that from the moment they had known they were in love, my father had slipped through my mothers window every night, watching her sleep. All of this was, of course, unbeknownst to Charlie. I stored that little gem away in the back of mind. It would undoubtedly come in handy at some point.

Sunday night, I was a ball of nerves. Jacob had to curl himself around me as I tried to fall asleep. He placed his cheek on mine, knowing it would calm me. I knew he was just as nervous as I was, both for different reasons. I knew there was something more on his mind, but he shrugged it off as nothing, and my dad refused to give me any insight. I assumed it was the fact that Matthew was attracted to me. I tried placing myself in his shoes. How would I feel if there was someone out there who wanted Jacob? He was handsome and loving and so easy to love it could one day become a reality.

I understood; I would be jealous. Even knowing I was his imprint, and trusting him irrevocably; wouldn't stop the jealous I would feel.

I woke up feeling groggy on Monday morning. I hadn't slept well, even with Jacob holding me. I had been too nervous. I fell in and out of unconsciousness; checking the clock to see how long I had before I would have to face my fears and go to school. I let my eyes flutter open briefly and felt Jacob's arms tighten slightly around me.

"Morning." Jacob whispered in my ear. His lips pressed against my cheek.

"How long have you been up?" I suspected he hadn't slept much either.

"Not long."

I rolled in his arms so I could see his face. There were dark circles under his eyes and his russet skin was paler than usual. He hadn't slept at all. I let my fingers slide gently across the skin under his eyes, and leant forward to kiss them gently.

"You look so tired."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not Jake. This isn't from a lack of one nights sleep. How long have you not been sleeping?"

"I've been sleeping . . . Just not well." he admitted as his lips pressed against mine gently. He was trying to distract me again.

I pulled away from him before he could get that close again. "You need to stay here and sleep then."

"No I don't." There was defiance in his voice when he answered me. He would not be letting me go to school without him close by. I could hear it hidden behind the words. There would be no arguments about this.

I slid out from his cocoon and sat up crossing my legs. Jacob's head fell into my lap and I brushed my fingers through his tangled mane. As much as he loved me, and would bend to my will, nothing would keep him away from that forest today. He saw this as a danger to me and wouldn't allow any mistakes.

"Will you do me a favor then?" I asked as his arms wrapped around me and my legs.

"Sure. Sure." He yawned.

"Stay close to the school if you need to, but get some sleep out there. I promise, I will be out there at lunch. I just need you to look after yourself."

"I'll try."

"No, you'll do it." I kept my voice firm. "Have Seth watch while you sleep. You know he'll wake you up if anything goes wrong."

Jacob lifted his head from my lap to look at me. His white teeth shone against his skin as he smiled at me. This was a yes or at least a gesture to placate me. I bent over and kissed the top of his head before I moved it from my lap. I needed to take a shower and get ready.

I threw on a pair of artfully ripped jeans and a sweater that was entirely too big for me. Jacob was still sprawled out the bed, one eye on me in case I decided to leave without him. He didn't realize I wasn't stupid enough to do that twice. In order to stop history repeating itself I would change every element of last Tuesday.

Jacob driving me to school was almost imperative to that distinction. It didn't matter that I had tried to convince him otherwise, I knew he would say no.

"You ready?"

Jacob rolled from the bed and kissed me on the head as he made his way towards the bathroom.

"I'll be downstairs." I called as the door clicked shut.

I picked up my bag and headed towards the door, I knew the atmosphere downstairs would be electric. I hoped Jasper had enough sense to stay out of the way. With the emotional range of Jacob and I alone it was going to be epic for him. Putting the rest of the family into that mix; it was sure to be torture for him.

I was surprised to see that my parents and grandparents were the only people in the kitchen when I entered. None of them were talking, but I could only imagine the thoughts that were running through their heads. Every head was turned to the door, waiting for my entrance. I took a deep breath as I faced them, knowing they would be looking for any kind of nervousness. I needed to stay strong so they would relax.

"Morning." I tried to keep my voice cheerful.

"Hey Ness." My mom was the first to greet me. Her smile was encouraging.

I walked towards the table where breakfast was set out ready. Esme never missed a beat. She knew hunting everyday would have to be pushed to the evening so she'd made enough food to feed four of me. I was glad Jacob was here. There was no way I was going to be able to eat it all.

I fell into the seat and picked up my fork, I was acutely aware of the four sets of golden eyes locked on my every move. I glanced at them quickly hoping it would discourage the scrutiny.

I smiled. "I'm fine; really. You have nothing to worry about. Jacob will be running around the school, I have no classes with Matthew, and Anna's promised to distract him if he tries to approach me. If anything else goes wrong, I promise, I'll get out of there and come straight home."

All four vampires smiled at me. We'd been over this a hundred times. I knew the drill and I was prepared. I wouldn't let myself get caught off guard again. I couldn't. A human life depended on my ability to abstain from blood. His life was in my hands whether or not he knew it. I would not fail my parents like that. I wouldn't disappoint myself again either. I didn't want to be concerned about what might happen.

My dad crossed the room and kissed my forehead. "Don't push yourself kiddo. If something happens don't beat yourself up over it. I know how difficult this is."

"Thanks, Dad." I smiled.

In truth, I was hoping he wouldn't get close enough to smell. The memory of it was potent enough to remind me what I was dealing with. I just needed to stay out of his path. Unfortunately, a week in the school guaranteed his scent would be festering, it would surely surround me. I just hoped it would be weak. That I wouldn't have to endure his scent rather than deal with it.

"Come on, let the girl eat." Esme sighed turning to the dishes.

I grinned and dug in to the eggs that were sat on my plate. I tried to eat quickly and I hoped I could fill myself completely.

It didn't take long for Jacob to join us. His black hair was damp as he fell into the seat next to me. I loved the woodsy smell the emanated from him just after he showered. It enhanced his natural smell and to me; it was divine. The small beads of water clung to the gathered strands of his hair, I watched as they moved when he did. I caught what i was doing quickly and returned my eyes to my plate. I was certain my dad had caught that display in my mind.

Jacob dug into the plate that Esme put in front of him; unfortunately, in his tired state he was less eager than usual. I wasn't the only one to notice either. My mom narrowed her eyes in his direction.

"Jake, you look tired."

"I'm fine Bells." he chuckled lightly. "You know me."

My dad chuckled sympathetically from beside my mom. I knew he was hearing every thought running through Jacob's head, and I was envious. For one moment, I wished I could hear what he was thinking so I could make him feel better. At this point, I was sure he was more worried than I was.

"He is." My dad smiled.

"I am what?" Jacob asked between mouthfuls. He knew when the reference was to him. He'd been around us long enough to know that much.

"More worried about this than I am." I giggled.

Jacob mumbled incoherently as he gave his attention back to the food in front of him. I finished off the mountain of eggs on my plate before standing and pushing in my chair. I normally wouldn't have eaten so much, but I needed to take every precaution today. I almost felt like I was waddling as I headed towards the sink.

"Thanks Nana," I said kissing her cheek on the way. "good eggs."

"I'm glad you enjoyed them, sweetheart. Just leave the plate in the sink. I'll take care of it."

I gave her the warmest smile I could and headed to get my coat. The growing tension in the room was beginning to make me even more nervous. I kissed everyone goodbye as Jacob finished his breakfast. My parents squeezed my tightly in an effort to be encouraging.

"I'll see you tonight."

"Bye." They sang in harmony.

I smiled shaking my head at the oddity of their always perfect synchronization and headed towards the door. Jacob was just dumping his plate in the sink and thanking Esme, so I knew he would follow me out.

The fresh air felt wonderful and it helped clear my head of the nervous energy that had filled the kitchen, it was a crisp morning, even for Washington. I walked towards the Rabbit and leaned against it while I waited. I could hear Jacob inside talking to my parents, reassuring them that he would stay close and keep an eye open. I hated that there was still the ban in place. It would have been helpful having him around. If everyone could see just how happy I was; then maybe Matthew would be discouraged. As it was, he was banned, and there was nothing I could do to change that.

Jacob pushed the door out of his way and trotted down the stairs towards me, a nervous smile on his lips.

"You ready?"

"As I'll ever be." I sighed, pulling open the door and climbing in.

It didn't take us long to get to school. In the hope of keeping things as normal as possible, Anna had promised to meet me at school. It wasn't normal at all. Anna was stood at the end of the parking space Jacob used every day. Seth was stood next to her with his arms around her waist. Even being as far from normal as it could possibly get, it made me smile. Anna never waited for me here, every morning she didn't ride with us, she met me by the front door of the school. I winked at her though, letting her know I appreciated her effort.

I could hear the principal grumbling in his office from the car. It was the same every morning. He knew that the guys weren't staying, and he was being lenient about the whole situation because it was an everyday occurrence. Jacob would drop me off and he would leave with Seth. He didn't like it; but we never gave him a reason to stop it.

I pressed my lips against Jacob's with a little more fervor than necessary because of my nervousness. I was surprised when his hand locked around my neck and pulled me to him. I was lost in the moment, in his passion. His tongue brushed along my bottom lip, and the action almost made me climb across the console and into his lap.

Jacob pulled away with a smile, his breathing was laborious. I fell back in my seat, noticing for the first time we had a small audience. I could feel the fire creeping into my cheeks. I certainly wasn't complaining about the kiss, but the speculative looks some of my classmates were shooting us made me uncomfortable.

"I'll see you at lunch." Jacob laughed.

I shook my head and pushed the door open. I was torn between smiling like a fool and hiding my face. The smile won out as always.

"Stay close." I whispered pushing myself out of the seat.

Jacob picked up my hand and squeezed it. "I'll be close. Come out at any time. I'll be there."

I nodded again and shot him a smile, I slid from the car. Seth gave Anna a kiss, and I let go of Jacob's hand as we traded places. Anna grinned at me as if I were a co-conspirator. I swallowed in the fresh air, keeping my confident smile. at least I couldn't smell him yet.

Jacob eyed me warily, and I nodded, hoping to exude confidence that I really wasn't feeling. Our eyes connected for the last time, and he gave me a smile before pulling out of the space and heading towards the road. Anna stood silently beside me, watching them go.

"Are you ready?" she whispered.

I nodded unsure of how my voice would sound if I said anything. I was still wearing a smile, but it wasn't real, it was a hollow empty shell of itself. The warmth and depth of it had left with Jacob.

The inoffensive building stood directly in front of me, there was nothing scary about it at all. The metal roof, the bland neutral colors. It was a learning environment, cold and almost institutional; but to me, it was like a monster lying in wait. It was testing me, pushing me to my limits; because inside it held my kryptonite, my weakness. Inside was Matthew Derby.

Letting my fear cripple me wasn't the best idea as I stood staring at it. Anna was still beside me, almost as if she knew I needed a moment to gather myself. I dragged in another shaky breath as I evaluated the building in front of me.

"Do you want to wait until first bell so there's no chance of running into him?" Anna asked, finally making a move to look at me.

I pulled my eyes away from the building and looked at Anna. I didn't know what I had done to deserve such an understanding friend. I was sure anyone else would have run from me when they found out what had happened. Anna, however stood beside me showing her solidarity.

I still couldn't organize my thoughts enough to form a sentence so I nodded. Anna picked up my hand and gave it a soft squeeze. I was so glad to have her in my life. There was no way I would ever have walked back into this school alone. I knew it had to be done; I knew I had to be strong; but it didn't stop my nerves nor did it stop the crippling fear that chipped away at my confidence.

"We'll wait. I know this is difficult, Ness. Especially the first time after last week. So take your time, we'll go in when you're ready." she said in gentle reassurance.

I fought the sharp memory of that afternoon, I didn't need the reminder of his scent, it would stifle me; and I was just about to get hit with the reality of it. I sucked in a few more breaths and looked back at the building. I could hear the senseless chatter of my classmates as they started talking about my reappearance. Speculation was beginning to form again. I could hear them whispering about why I had been gone. Why my behavior had been so erratic.

The bell sounded in the halls reverberating from the metal lockers with a hollow twang. I was out of time for any more procrastination. We had to get to class. Now, I felt awkward and scared as I faced purgatory. I just hoped that the boy had enough sense to stay away from me.

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**A/N: Hey look at that, I said Tuesday and by George . . . it's Tuesday! Aren't you proud LOL. **

**The song for this chapter is SUMMER'S END by The Foo Fighters :). As always you can find a link on my profile to a media player where you can listen to the songs. I'm currently working on updating the other fanfiction pages as well :)**

**Thanks to Vicki; for reading through this after each edit. Three times is a lot to read one chapter and I appreciate your help chick. :) Orioncat has gone AWOL, lol. So again this chapter is unbeta'd. She's on vacation, I am so jealous! **

**Thank you for the alerts and faves; you guys are great . . . AND THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS; SERIOUSLY I WOULD GIVE YOU ALL A COOKIE OF THANKS IF I COULD! YOU GUYS ROCK!!!**

**See you on Thursday :) - BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	15. Chapter 14: Joker and the Thief

_**ll things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**

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**_**Chapter 14: Joker and the Thief  
**

Stepping into the building full of recycled air, I could smell him easily. It was diffused by the lingering scents of the cleaning supplies used by the janitorial staff and the smell of the other students; but it was definitely there. Having the diluted scent assaulting me brought back the potency of the original scent to my memory, and I craved it. I knew I had to fight it and I was still in my right mind; but it didn't stop the aching craving from burning me.

This was not going to be easy and I had my doubts about my strength.

Anna was still clutching my hand, and I found some strength in the gesture. Having been away just as long as I had been, she wasn't sure what the rumors would be, or how bad they would have gotten in our absence. I had been in the building ten minutes and had already heard a dozen theories about my strange behavior. The one that reoccurred the most was a death in the family. That made life a little easier for me, it was also a little ironic. Still, as a family we'd decided that was the best excuse.

The official story was to be that my grandmother, Esme's mother, had passed on. There was a truth to this lie, they just didn't need to know how long ago she'd actually died. Carlisle always said it was better to base a lie on the truth, so there was never any confusion when you had to retell it. Seeing as Esme was supposedly my adoptive mother, it made it easier.

There were still students lingering in the halls as Anna and I made our way through the corridors to class. As we passed them, they leaned in and whispered to one another. Some of the comments almost made me laugh they were so ludicrous. My favorite was that I was pregnant. It seemed as though many a mind in the school thought about sex before death. I had to fight the urge to groan and roll me eyes.

Pregnancy an interesting concept in itself. The details were even better; I had been removed from school because my family had found out and they shipped me out of town to a clinic. It was ridiculous and in some ways made me irrationally angry. If they only knew how hard my family fought to preserve life. They might not be so presumptuous.

I pushed the ludicrous stories from my mind as we wandered deeper into the school. I kept my head high and my senses to the forefront of my mind as I made my way through the emptying corridors. I needed to be prepared if Matthew was still lingering. I would smell him long before I saw him so I could easily escape.

Anna and I made it to English with no problems, there was no sign of him as we had strolled through the halls. The small room was full of whispers as we took our seats in the back, every set of eyes had followed me to my seat; but didn't dare turn to continue watching. As always I was thankful that Anna and I had always made a point to sit in the back. I didn't think I could stand being stared at the entire class.

"So far, so good." Anna uttered under her breath grinning at me as she pulled out her book.

I smiled back and relaxed in my seat a little. For at least the next hour, there wouldn't be any problems.

In fact, there weren't any problems for the next two classes either. In my new class, the seat next to Anna was empty. I shouldn't have been surprised really, it had been the same way in my Trig class, that's why the seat next to me had been empty for Matthew to occupy. Our classmates seemed to be wary of us. I could understand their hesitance to get close to me, but I never understood why they had such an aversion to Anna. She was human; the only thing that was even slightly different about her was her friendship with me and her love for Seth.

Algebraic geometry was just as easy as any other class I had taken, my photographic mind had absorbed this information a long time ago. My family had a multitude of lifetimes under their belt, and it made it a little easier to learn; even in the small amount of time I had been alive. I was distracted by the end of class though, my mind was fixating on the big hole that wouldn't offer me four walls to hide behind. I knew what was coming next, and even though my plan was to buy a couple of sandwiches and head out to see Jake, I was nervous about the possibility of crossing paths with Matthew. The school wasn't that big and there was a large chance an accidental meeting could happen.

Anna could sense my nervousness rolling from me in waves; I wasn't particularly difficult to read. She grinned and threw a note on my desk as our teacher started writing the homework on the board.

**_Nessie_**, it read,

**_Give me your money for lunch and wait outside for me. I'll get us all lunch before we head out._**

I looked over at her and smiled. Everything I was worried about had just been taken out of my hands. I could have hugged her. I mouthed my thank you and she grinned nodding her acceptance. I knew I would have to face it at some point, there was no chance I could ever avoid him for the rest of my senior year; so I would take my escape while I could. I didn't want to push my limitations all in one day. I felt I had been doing relatively well considering his smell lingered in the halls.

When the bell rang, Anna and I made our way out. I was taking the long way around the school because the trig class and it's route to the cafeteria was blocking the most direct path to the back of the building. I didn't want to risk running into him in the halls while I was alone. Especially when I knew where he would be.

I took the door that let out to the sports fields and made my way around to the back of the building. I avoided all windows and doors, nervous about the stares my presence outside would bring. A gust of wind blew through the forests, rustling the trees as it made it's way through. It hit me against the school and I couldn't help but smile at the familiar scent. I could smell Jacob on the wind, he was close. I closed my eyes and listened for the two heartbeats I knew would be just beyond the tree line.

I was surprised by the sound that reached me. It was different to what I had been expecting, yet still so familiar. The boys had already phased and were waiting about thirty feet into the trees. I let my eyes scan the line ahead of me. In the darkened shadows I saw them waiting. Jacob was smiling, Seth looked confused. I knew he was wondering where Anna was.

"She's gone to get us lunch." I said in my normal speaking voice. Knowing they would hear me just fine, wolves hearing was just as good as vampires. Seth smiled and nodded in acknowledgment.

I waited for her by the doors knowing she would never know what direction to take to find us. We didn't have to wait long, Anna came marching out of the door, her arms full of sandwiches; a scowl on her beautiful features. I could see the annoyance on her face as she marched past me towards the trees; she hadn't even noticed me standing by the door waiting for her. I followed behind her, quickly catching up.

"What's the matter?"

Anna snorted. "Stupid, idiotic high school boys." she said with her best imitation of a growl.

I laid my hand on her arm and pulled her to a stop. Turning her to face me.

"What happened?" I asked; almost certain I already knew the answer.

Anna looked from me, to the trees, and back again. Matthew had approached her; I was certain.

"The fool won't take no for an answer. He's an egotistical prick. He marched right up to me and demanded to know where you were. Like he had some right to know. I told him it was none of his damn business. Of course Tommy had to chip in. Idiot."

"I'm so sorry, Anna." I hated that I'd put her in that predicament.

"Are you kidding. I'm just glad you weren't there." she smiled gently.

"So, how did you get rid of them?"

"I told them where we were going."

"You what?"

Anna laughed at me and motioned with her head to the forest. "I looked Tommy straight in the face, and told him that Jacob and Seth were outside waiting for us, you were with them and if they wanted to see you they were more than welcome to join us. Matthew agreed, but Tommy advised him against it." she laughed turning to the trees and walking again.

I was stunned that she had taken a chance like that, but Tommy remembered enough about Jacob and Seth that he would steer clear. I redirected Anna so she was headed in the right direction and walked beside her into the trees. I wanted to laugh but I wasn't sure if that was the right reaction. Seth and Jacob had already edged forward to meet us and I could see the frustration on Jacob's face, he didn't like Matthew looking for me, I could see it made him nervous and upset. I couldn't really say it did much for me either.

"I wish he'd taken you up on the offer." he growled; wrapping his arms around my waist and squeezing me to him. I knew it was a move to keep me close to him; even though it would last nearly long enough for either of us. "He wouldn't have any problems staying away from Nessie then."

"Jake," I said quietly. "That wouldn't solve anything. In fact, you know the principal is just looking for a way to keep you away permanently."

"He would leave you alone." the was a resolution in his voice as he said it, and I knew just how much he wanted to be by my side to protect me from myself.

I sighed and let my head rest on his chest. My selfishness was blocking out my needs. I wanted Jacob to be as close as possible, that was the only reason I saw the confrontation being a bad idea. I didn't care about the rumors or the whispers; and I could have cared less about the evil connotations Tommy would make of Jacob's actions. I just didn't want Jacob to be completely banned. If something happened and there was another confrontation. The principal would keep Anna and I under a vigilant watch. There was no way we would be allowed this kind of freedom. He would follow us, knowing exactly where we were going, and who we were going to meet. I also knew Jacob's temper in the heat of the moment, it was exaggerated by his to protect me. Nothing good would come out of a meeting between the two of them. I just had to be careful. I had to stay out of Matthew's path.

"I handled it." Anna said throwing sandwiches at us. "If he tries anything more, I'll get more creative. I won't let him close to Nessie."

Seth sank his head into Anna's neck and planted butterfly kisses along her collar. I could see the pride he had in her quick thinking. I had to say I was proud of her too. There was no way Tommy was going to back anybody up when it came to facing Jacob. After his constant retelling of the story, I was sure he was wary of any kind of consequences, even though he had flourished the story quite a bit with every retelling. I was sure he was beginning to believe his own version of the truth; and if it kept him off my back, I was all for it.

"Let's just hope he got the message." I sighed.

I knew eventually something would happen; Matthew would get to me, but I hoped that he wouldn't pursue looking for me. With time, his scent would become familiar because it lingered in the halls. It's subtlety triggered the memory of the overwhelming moment I'd gotten the full assault on my senses. Hopefully, with time; it wouldn't be so tempting. For now though, I needed to be careful.

The four of us ate quietly, avoiding the subject of Matthew altogether. It was easier that way, I didn't need that constant reminder ticking away in my head like a time bomb waiting to go off. I leaned against Jacob as we talked. His arm was casually draped over my shoulder, as he ran his hand through my hair. I felt warm and comfortable leaned against him this way. It took all the stress of the morning away and for the first time today I was able to relax. We talked about the reservation. Even after being there such a short while ago; with everything going on it felt like a different lifetime.

The conversation turned to Embry and his mysterious girl. I focused on Jacob's voice and I closed my eyes as I listened as the other three speculating. I relaxed deeper into the warmth that was Jacob, and I fell away.

"Ness, we're gonna be late." Anna's voice woke me with a start. I looked around the forest, immediately noticing the difference in the depth of the shadows. I was curled into Jacob, both of his arms wrapped around me. I'd fallen asleep.

"I'm sorry." I yawned, smiling sheepishly up at Jacob and then smiling again at Anna. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

Jacob planted his lips on my forehead and I could feel the curve of his lips. "It's fine, you didn't get much sleep last night."

"Neither did you," I pointed out. "Have you slept any today?"

His hand went immediately to his neck, and I knew this was a no. I knew his moves, if we were playing poker I would know the moment he won or lost. I could read him like a book; almost as well as he could read me.

"Jacob, you said you would try." I pouted lightly, brushing my fingers against his face.

"And I did." he said. Shifting me from his lap so he could stand up. He hopped gracefully to his feet holding his hands out for me to take. I put mine in his and he pulled me up from the ground.

"Liar." I laughed falling against his chest.

Jacob rolled his eyes and gave me a chaste kiss before pushing me in Anna's direction. She was already walking with Seth to the edge of the trees.

"See you later." I said blowing him a kiss. I knew he wouldn't follow; we had a hard enough time saying goodbye without drawing it out.

"Alright. If that idiot tries anything I'll be right here."

I gave him a wave and ran towards Anna and Seth, who were waiting for me. I grinned at my friends as I slowed before reaching them.

"Bye Seth."

"Bye Ness; see you later."

"Make sure Jacob gets some sleep will you." I asked, looking over my shoulder at Jacob.

Seth laughed. "I can't make any promises."

Jacob barked out a laugh from behind me, I turned and stuck my tongue out at him. He could give my mom a run for her money in the stubborn department. I headed towards the school, giving Anna a chance to kiss Seth goodbye. I was hoping that us being late would ensure I wouldn't run into Matthew.

The rest of the day flew by without any chance meetings. I wasn't sure what classes he had but it seemed as though none of them were in my direct path. Tommy eyed me curiously in Spanish, I was sure he was looking for something to report back to his new friend. I could have cared less. Sitting behind him meant that his glances were cut to a minimum. Anna gave him a death glare any time he looked around at us.

When the end of the day was signified by the last bell, I released the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. I was relieved, it could have been so much worse; but thankfully it was bearable. I had lived through the day and Matthew, regardless of his persistence had done the same. Anna pulled me out of the school to where Jacob and Seth were leaning against the car. Jacob looked amazing in his sweats and white t-shirt, and I had to channel the giggle to make it internal. He made me so giddy. I moved to where Jacob was standing and returned the smile he was giving me. When I reached him I stood on my toes waiting for a kiss. He chuckled before giving me what I wanted.

Again, I was surprised at the tenor of the kiss he gave me. My arms swung over his shoulders to keep me on my feet. They also worked as leverage to pull myself closer to him as I greedily worked for more. Jacob's hands planted themselves on my hips and his tongue danced across the slight parting of my lips. As passionate as the kiss was, there was a level of control behind it. Something I couldn't put my finger on. I parted my lips, almost experimenting so see how far he would take this. How far he would let me go.

He kissed my bottom lip tenderly as he broke away from me and I knew immediately that there was a purpose behind this kiss. I was breathing heavily but I never took my eyes from his. As he backed further away from me, I saw his eyes flicker up to something behind me. I frowned at him, but my curiosity got the better of me and I turned to look.

At the other end of the parking lot, my eyes connected with Matthew's. It all made sense in that one second. I should have been angry that the kiss was a reaction, something to get a rise out a guy I had absolutely no interest in. I looked back to Jacob and smiled, letting him know that I wasn't upset by his little display. I wasn't; if it made the fact that I was his official I wouldn't complain.

I knew why he'd done it, there was a basic need to eliminate competition. I had no interest in Matthew on a personal level, but Jacob's competitive side wouldn't let that go. He was claiming his territory. I couldn't help the spurt of laughter that rose in me at the after thought to that. The image of a giant dog 'marking' it's territory danced behind my eyes.

"What?" Jacob's eyes danced mischievously.

"Nothing." I was fighting the laughter now.

"Spit it out, Nessie."

I pressed my lips together and shook my head. Jacob narrowed his eyes at me; as he sighed and motioned to the car.

"Let's get you home."

I nodded and made my way around the car sucking in air as I fought back the paroxysm of giggles that were threatening to spill over. Anna eyed me as she climbed in the back of the car, but I just shook my head. I doubted I was able to form words in this state.

As Jacob drove, I turned on the radio, trying to find something that would fit my exuberant mood. My friends had done exactly what they had professed they would do and kept Matthew away from me. As long as I could keep up the avoidance it would work well. Not that I thought it would be a problem. Jacob's little display, I was sure, had guaranteed that.

If Matthew even considered I was attracted to him after that he was a fool. The attraction between Jacob and myself was undeniable. We revolved around one another.

When we arrived at the house, everything was quiet, but I knew they were waiting for me. Alice would have seen everything went well. She would have seen the decision Anna made. It had been her idea, during our week off she'd told Anna to make a decision to contact her should anything go wrong, Alice would be waiting for that decision, although she said it would be clearer away from me.

My buoyant mood still hadn't declined since I'd left school. I hadn't had to face him, but the day had still been a victory. Every day I dodged the bullet was, in my mind, a success.

My parents were in the living room when we entered. My mom was curled into my father, she was reading a beat up copy of _Wuthering Heights_. My dad tried to buy her a new copy, but she insisted the one she had was fine. Sentimental value was her exact words.

"Hey, so how did it go?" My dad asked, not moving an inch.

"Good, thanks to some smooth tactics from Anna." I giggled, she shot me a look.

"Yes, Alice saw that." My mom laughed, flattening her book on the couch in front of her.

"Jacob took some initiative too." I said raising my eyebrows. I played it back in my mind, including the comical image that followed. My dad laughed loudly, his eyes were wide as he tried to calm himself.

"Not you too!" Jacob said with a large huff of air. "Care to elaborate?"

"Nessie didn't show you?"

"No." Jacob pouted looking at me.

I rolled my eyes and touched his cheek with my palm. I let the whole thing play out. I was surprised when a smile crawled into place. The way the light was catching his eyes, I knew I would pay for that later. He wound his arms around my waist and pulled me into him. His chest was shaking me as he laughed.

"I never thought of it that way." He chuckled. He kissed my palm as he moved it from his face. "We can try it your way next time if you like." He raised his eyebrows up and down a couple of times.

"Eh; thanks but no thanks Jake." I giggled slapping him playfully on the arms.

I had to show everyone after that, each reaction was much the same as my dad's outbursts of laughter. It was relaxing, like it had shifted things from the tension of that morning. I had an overwhelming sense that everything would work out.

A lot of the week went in the same direction. Matthew didn't try to approach me again and I was able to move around with a little freedom. It was Wednesday that I first attempted the cafeteria. Anna would have gladly continued to get out lunches, but I was tired of hiding. Two days on red alert and I hadn't been in his path once. I knew I had to keep close to Anna, and be prepared to run for it if necessary, but it never came down to that. Stood in line, I could feel all eyes on me. It had been that way all week, but the muted silence had been something I wasn't prepared for. It was an odd sensation. I risked taking a look only once and my eyes were immediately trained in on the sapphire orbs framed neatly with raven black hair. The connection was only for a second, but it was enough to speed up my exit. Thankfully, Matthew didn't move from his table where he was sat with Tommy and his friends.

Thursday, I made a second attempt, but I never felt the urge to look around again. The whispering was back and as much as I hated it, it was normal and brought me a sense of calm. Anna made sure I didn't look around either; she kept me talking as we made our way through the line and out the door. Jacob was grinning when we emerged from the building. I was sure he'd put it down to his little stunt on Monday. He may have been right, whatever it was, I hoped it would keep working.

Things finally began resembling normal again. I was still aware of everything around me, and I was still cautious in school but I didn't feel the constant shadow that had been following me around for most of the week. By the next Monday things were completely back to normal. Even Anna was letting her guard down. The only one still tense about the whole situation was Jacob. He didn't trust Matthew. Jacob never tried what he had the week before – much to my disappointment - but he constantly glared at Matthew across the lot when he picked me up or dropped me off.

Tommy had noticed of course, which meant the whole school was now buzzing about it. The latest canards were that Jacob was threatening Matthew; and that if Matthew were to approach me again, Jacob would break both of his arms. Some things never changed.

It was Wednesday afternoon; the day that the shadow returned. Jacob and I had dropped Anna and Seth at Anna's house after dinner. Jacob was still staying at the house with me. Somehow it had become normal, expected even. My parents never complained once, and I certainly wasn't going to be bringing it up.

It was only nine o'clock so the two of us planned to watch something before we headed to bed. We were curled up on the couch in the living room. My parents were with us and a mindless sitcom played on the screen. It was just a normal Wednesday evening, until the phone rang.

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**A/N: Look at me I am on a role. It's Thursday night; but low and behold; still Thursday. I'm proud of myself; keeping on track. I think it's my excitement in the upcoming chapters, I'm on chapter 35 :)**

**The song for this chapter is; JOKER AND THE THIEF by Wolfmother. If you would like to hear it; there is a link on my profile that will take you to a media player where you can listen to it. :)**

**Thank you to my beta who is back . . . yay! Welcome back Orioncat; her awesome beta skills will hopefully resume in the next chapter. :)~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  
**

**Vicki; Say NO to Ninnies. I agree with you wholeheartedly about the whole Leah thing!**

**Thank you so much for the Fave and alerts :), and as always . . . THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHOM I LOVE; YOU GUYS MAKE IT A JOY TO WRITE AND POST, AND OF COURSE CHECK MY EMAIL!! :) SERIOUSLY YOU DESERVE A HUGE AWESOME BADGE! YOU ROCK!!!**

**Until Saturday Peeps - BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	16. Chapter 15: Dissolved Girl

_**All Things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

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**_**Chapter 15: Dissolved Girl**

"Phone." Alice's voice rang down the stairs moments before the phone started buzzing on the table in front of me.

"That's so weird." Jacob chuckled, leaning forward to pick up the phone for me. His reach was a lot longer than mine so he reached it with ease and handed to me. The number was unknown, but with the amount of numbers that splayed across the screen I knew it was an international call.

I flipped open the phone. "Hello?"

"Nessie." The accented voice sounded happy to hear my voice. I couldn't help but smile.

"Orion. How are you?" I looked at the clock and did some quick calculations. It was 3am in Brazil.

"I'm well, thank you. I am calling with good news for once." She laughed warmly breaking off abruptly to castigate someone in her native tongue. "Sorry, Nahuel says hello."

I laughed gently. "Hi. So what's this good news?" I asked raising my eyebrows and turning to Jacob.

"If it is no inconvenience, we are hoping to visit you."

"Really?" My voice was filled with my excitement, but I heard the groaning from Jacob. He wasn't enthralled. I could empathize but it didn't dampen the excitement I felt.

Orion laughed down the line. "Yes, we shall be leaving tonight. It will be Nahuel, Ara and myself."

I was surprised to hear that Ara had decided to join her brother and sister on their visit with us. When we had visited their home, she would often excuse herself and disappear. She hadn't said much to me but Orion had told me it was Jacob's company that kept her away, not mine. It didn't please me that they were so prejudiced against him but they were set in their ways.

"Great." Jacob mumbled under his breath. I elbowed him playfully.

"How are you getting here?"

"Running. It's easier that way."

"How long do you think it'll take you?"

I knew that they would have to sleep so I suspected it would be a couple of days at the very least.

"I'm not sure, Nahuel says it took them a while when they traveled with Alice. Our need for sleep will be a hindrance. Oh we must go . . ."

"Be safe."

"We will Nessie. See you soon." I could hear the smile in her voice as she uttered the last words. Our friendship had strengthened since its development, but we hadn't spent much time around one another.

"I look forward to it." I grinned.

The dial tone filled the other end of the line and I flipped the phone shut, laying it on the couch beside me. I knew that my parents and Jacob had heard every word of the conversation. My first instinct was to look at Jacob. I knew he wouldn't be happy at having three new vampires in the area, especially considering their diet. Not to mention the fact that they had been unnecessarily rude to him when we had visited them. I knew this would be hard for him, but I also knew he would endure it for me.

His dark eyes were cast in the shadow of his frown. I realized this would be more than hard, it would be unbearable. I sighed and ran my fingers along the deep line. I hated knowing that something that made me happy had placed this there. They were my friends and I enjoyed their company.

"It'll be fine, Jake." I whispered. My fingers trailed from his brow to his jaw in one soft movement. "It won't be like last time. So much has changed since then."

Jacob nodded once and took my hand from his face, kissing my palm. He wrapped my arm around me with his own and nuzzled into my neck. His mood had turned morose, and I couldn't help but feel responsible. I looked to my mom. She knew Jacob just as well as I did, but the look she had was of amusement and it matched that of my fathers. I couldn't help but frown at the two of them.

My dad shook his head once. It was a dismissal, meaning he wouldn't talk about it now. I could feel my jaw set itself stubbornly. All I got in return was a smile.

"I'm going to bed." I announced squirming out from Jacob's embrace, but keeping his hand. "I'll see you in the morning."

Jacob slid from the couch until he was stood directly behind me. I guided us towards the stairs smiling at my parents. They meant well. I knew whatever they were smiling about probably had something to do with Jacob's thoughts, but they wouldn't say anything in front of him out of respect. It was a line they had drawn.

"G'nite." Jacob mumbled as he followed me.

My parents' perfectly synchronized harmony called out their goodnights as we climbed the stairs. I wasn't all that tired, it was only nine o'clock, but I wanted to reassure Jacob. He looked a little deflated by Orion's 'good news'.

I pulled him into my room and closed the door behind me. Jacob walked to the bed and collapsed on it. He fell on his back with an exasperated humph, his legs were still hung over the side so they were touching the floor. I rolled my eyes at the dramatics and made my way over to him. I stood between his knees with my hands lying lightly on the tops of his legs, and my fingers traced circles on his pant leg.

"What's bothering you Jacob?" I asked keeping my voice light, but showing my concern at the change in his mood.

Jacob folded his arms under his head so he could look at me. His knee nudged the side of my leg gently. He looked a little uncomfortable and embarrassed as he contemplated his answer. I raised my eyebrows at him to show my impatience, knowing it world elicit some kind of reaction from him.

In one swift movement he sat up. He was almost the same height as me this way. I lifted my hands and let them hang over his shoulders, I lowered my head until our foreheads were touching and I sighed. I hated seeing him look so defeated. His hands moved to his legs, his palms rested on my thighs.

"I hate the thought of having to share you." he admitted looking up into my eyes. I could see the grin he was wearing, I returned it by smiling; as asinine as it sounded, I couldn't help but the feel the compliment intended. My hands moved to cup his neck and I closed my eyes; I had no idea that he felt so threatened by the appearance of my friends. I always believed he knew just how much I adored him, that my entire world revolved around him. I would never have believed he had thought is was so one sided.

"I promise Jake, you won't be sharing me. I'm yours. I always have been, and I always will be."

He chuckled lightly his warm breath dancing over my face. "I just don't want to give up all the time we have together. I enjoy this." he said running his hands up my legs to my hips. He squeezed gently, my heart took off like it always did and my breath shuddered as I released it. Every muscle in my body quivered.

"So do I." I breathed unevenly. I pushed my lips against his, my hands tightened around his neck holding him in place. I was already breathless, so I couldn't stop myself as I gulped in the air around his mouth and my lips closed around his bottom lip. I sucked gently on the skin before releasing it.

Jacob moaned gently and I was surprised how much the sound affected me. My body moved closer to his, as my kiss deepened. One of my hands tangled into his hair. My fingers ran through the black strands, it felt like silk running through my fingers. I couldn't get enough of him.

I gasped for air, throwing my head back. Jacob's lips fell to my throat, working their way down to my neck. The muscles in my stomach balled up with the pleasure of his lips on my skin. He was insatiable; just as I was.

"Jacob," my voice was rougher than usual as I breathed his name. It sounded like a whisper, full of desire for the man I was holding in my arms. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist with his name, a small growl of pleasure rose in his chest.

He flipped me onto the bed and rolled onto his side so he was half covering me. His lips crashed against mine again, a small grunt bursting from him with the rough movement. The frenzy of my euphoria hit me with the sound of his excitement. I needed him closer to me. My hands wrapped themselves around his neck, holding him to me. I never wanted this kiss to end. We were lost in one another, it was powerful and natural. I would never be able to fight this and I never wanted to.

My chest rose and fell with my continuing struggle for air. I was fighting my need to breathe, knowing if I moved it might change what was happening between us. I was sure that the oxygen would bring us to our senses, that the fresh air would make Jacob realize the depth of what was happening; I already knew, it filled every inch of me. For now I was happy to be lost in the moment. Lost in Jacob.

Jacob was the first to break away. The fervent heated kiss dwindled into a gentle slow movement, but we were both gasping for air. Jacob pressed his lips to mine a few more times before pulling back completely.

"Maybe I should invite my friends more often." I giggled breathlessly resting my hand on his heaving shoulder. "If it gets a reaction like that, I could use it to my advantage."

Jacob chuckled brushing some of the strands of hair that had fallen across my shoulder in the quick movement away. "That was all you."

I laughed once, slapping his shoulder. "I don't think so."

He was still situated half over my body, his face close to mine. "Always getting carried away." He sighed dramatically.

"If I remember rightly, I was the one stood up."

Jacob looked to where I had been standing and back at me, grinning. He raised his eyebrows and smiled.

"You shouldn't be so irresistible." He whispered dropping another feather light kiss on my lips.

"I love you." I sighed rolling into him. "More than you'll ever know."

"I think I got you beat." Jacob finished wrapping his arm around me. I kissed his neck letting my hand brush across his shoulder to his neck. My fingers stroked the skin there, tracing the patterns of the veins just visible beneath the dark copper of his skin. I wiggled closed to him, but Jacob backed away a little shifting himself until he was lying on his stomach. His chest was still hovering above me and his face was still only inches above my own. I let my lips work up his neck to his strong jaw; working forward until my lips found his again. Testing my limits, I sucked on his bottom lip and let my teeth graze the supple skin. His groan was deeper and rougher than the previous one, and I felt him tense slightly.

I released his lip and let my tongue dance over the soft skin, purposefully keeping things slow in my experimentation. His tongue moved slowly to meet mine. His breathing was ragged and erratic as his tongue moved to massage mine. His hand moved up my back and cupped my neck as his tongue began to explore my mouth. The slow movements became faster as the depth of the kiss quadrupled. I couldn't stop the slight sound that accompanied my sigh. I knew I should probably slow us down, but I was lost in this moment. I was lost in the depth of us.

My body, always betraying me, shuddered beneath him; and Jacob froze. He pulled away and eyed me suspiciously. His eyes were scorching as he appraised me; he'd just realized how close we were to being unable to stop. My chest heaved in my attempt to get as much air as possible. His eyes widened a little before closing again. He let out one long breath, it pooled in the air surrounding me.

"Jake?"

"I'll be right back." He whispered. His voice was thick and ragged. He slid from the bed quickly and turned to the bathroom. In two of his large strides, he stepped in and pushed the door closed behind him.

I frowned at the offensive door before climbing off the bed altogether. My legs were like jelly beneath me, numb and wobbly. I grinned at the sensation and glanced at the door once more for good measure, before I disappeared into the closet to change. When I reemerged Jake was laid on the bed in his sweats; a big smile spread across his face. I knelt on the bed and crawled towards him, settling on my knees beside him. "Are you alright?" I whispered picking up his hand.

"Fine, never been better." he beamed, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.

I nodded and fell as gracefully as I could into his arms. If he didn't want to answer me I wouldn't push him. I snuggled into his side as he turned and pressed the button on the remote that controlled the lights. Darkness danced across the room casting dark shadows around the furniture that blocked the moonlight. I studied the shadows trying to keep my mind occupied; I didn't want to intrude, but I didn't want him to still worry either.

"Goodnight honey." Jacob whispered, planting his lips in my hair.

I smiled, relaxing into his arms. "Night Jake."

I woke up the next morning feeling wonderful. I had slept deeply and comfortably. Jacob was still wrapped around me. His gently snores blew my hair across my face, and I smiled at the sensation. Now that Jacob spent every night with me, he slept. I knew eventually he would have to spend some nights patrolling again. But for now he was with me, and I planned to cherish every night he wanted to do this.

I lifted the arm he had wrapped around my waist and slid out from under it. I kissed him on the forehead before diving into the bathroom to take a shower. I gave him one more look and I noticed a smile spread across his lips as I gently shut the door. I got showered quickly wrapping a towel around me so I could dash into my closet. I pulled open the door and smiled at Jacob who sat on the bed, I normally found him still dozing. I was guessing the early night had helped him get up this morning. His smile locked and his eyes widened; and I became aware of my state of undress, I tugged my towel up a little to secure it's hold against my skin. Jacob laughed, placing his hand over his heart he fell back on the bed.

"Get showered." I laughed, moving quickly into the closet. I pulled on a pair of my favorite jeans and a shirt and danced back into the bedroom to find my brush.

Without realizing it, Jacob and I had fallen into a routine. It was the same every day and I couldn't help smiling at that. It was like everything else about Jacob and I, it felt natural. I pulled the brush through my hair and left it down as I swung my bag over my shoulder.

Downstairs the house was alive, there were more people around than usual. I wasn't used to seeing Emmett and Rosalie at this time of the morning. They normally locked themselves in their room until at least ten am. I didn't know what they did behind their locked door and I had no desire to find out. They were a colorful couple.

"Morning Ness." Rosalie called from the mirror in the downstairs bathroom. She was pulling her hair up into a scrappy twist at the back of her neck. It looked elegant on her as always. She could pull off any look.

"Morning Aunt Rose. You're about early, aren't you normally locked in your room at this time of the morning?"

Rosalie giggled lightly before rolling her eyes and checking the twist in the mirror again.

"Emmett wants to go hunting. The bears are about to wake up." I gave her a quick look and noticed her ensemble for the first time. She was wearing older jeans, a sweater and tennis shoes.

"Have fun." I laughed, I had witnessed the phenomenon before, and fun was an understatement. Emmett and the bears stories were featured in so many chapters of our family history it was hard to avoid.

Rosalie stuck her head out of the bathroom and raised her eyebrows. "Emmett will." she grinned.

I walked into the kitchen where the rest of the family was gathered. It seemed everyone was going on the little hunting expedition. My mom's eyes were sparkling with excitement; she loved seeing Emmett with the bears, but she also had a preference for mountain lions. They were plentiful where they were going, so after Emmett had made a skeptical of himself she and dad would take of to hunt for their quarry. This always put them both in a good mood. Alice looked entirely too well dressed to go hunting. The only exception was footwear; she had foregone heels for flats.

"Morning." I smiled at the congregation. Esme was dressed for hunting but was still preparing breakfast for me. I giggled at her persistence, she rarely let me cook.

"Nana, I could have had cereal. You didn't have to cook."

Esme beamed a smile at me. "It's no problem. It only takes a minute."

She handed me a plate and put Jacob's in the microwave. She finished cleaning up as I dug in.

"If you just rinse your plate off and throw it in the dishwasher, you can go ahead and press start. It's ready to go."

I had my mouth full so I nodded.

Rosalie looked around the small group. "Let's head out before the stench of dog ruins my appetite." She winked at me and embraced my shoulders tightly. She lowered her mouth to my ear so no one else would hear. "Say bye to Jake for us."

I almost choked on my food as she leant back and winked again before dancing towards Emmett. I was the only person she would ever say anything like that to. She'd once sworn, if I repeated anything that she said she would deny it emphatically.

Everyone called out their goodbyes as they shuffled through the door. My parents kissed me on the top of the head as they passed by. I was still grinning from my aunt's comment and I could see my dad's amusement. He was possibly the only other one to know about her growing affection for Jacob.

"I have my phone if you need me." My dad whispered smoothing my damp hair down my back.

"Have fun." I smiled watching them follow everyone else out before turning back to my breakfast.

I heard the truck roar to life in the garage and smiled. Emmett loved that truck, he could get halfway up the mountain in it. The four wheel drive pulled them all up the hill until they were completely out of human range. He could definitely drive it well.

I heard my bedroom door click and turned my attention back to my food. It didn't take long for Jacob to join me. He walked into the room shuffling his feet and the smell of his damp hair filled my senses. I let myself enjoy it as I smiled up at him.

"Where'd everyone go?"

"Hunting," I smiled. "Your food's in the microwave."

"Esme never misses a beat does she?" he grinned happily, making his way to the machine.

"Nope." I laughed. "How'd you sleep?"

"Good. You?"

"I was comfortable." I smiled.

Jacob chuckled and sat in the seat next to me. His plate was piled with food. He kissed my temple before digging in. I took my time eating this morning, savoring my time with Jacob. He was almost oblivious to my eyes trained only on him. I rinsed and stacked our plates in the dishwasher, hitting start when I pushed it closed.

I didn't realize Jacob was behind me, he had the ability to move so quietly when he wanted to. He wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed my neck lightly. I ran my hands along his arms, and let my head fall against his chest. This was how I could imagine my forever.

"You ready to go?" he whispered in my ear, planting another kiss on the skin just below my ear.

I nodded, but it was a small white lie. I wasn't ready to leave this cozy little scene just yet, his kisses still had the ability to completely throw me through a loop. If I didn't leave now though, I would be late. I considered cutting for a nanosecond before moving to get my bag. There would be plenty more times like this. This was just the beginning.

Jacob ushered me outside and pulled the door closed behind us; as I sat in the rabbit holding Jacob's hand as he drove, I thought. Everything that was happening today felt exaggerated. I wasn't sure what the significance was, or if there was any at all. It just felt different. It was like my whole world had shifted a little, and a whole new path was laid out before me. My mind traveled back to that kiss last night. Could that have been so significant?

When we pulled up, Anna was waiting in the rain for me; Seth was huddled over her sheltering her as much as he could from the thunderous drops. She clung to him desperately, a big smile on her face. I knew she must have been cold, but it didn't seem as though Seth was complaining about it. His shaggy hair was dripping water from the ink black tips.

"I'll see you at lunch." I said leaning over the console to kiss Jacob. The door behind me opened; and I was assaulted with a gust of wind. A storm was picking up. Jacob's lips met mine and I could feel the smile as his lips turned up gently.

"Even if it's like this?"

"I'll get an umbrella." I laughed touching my lips to his again.

"Love you."

"You too." I whispered softly.

I climbed out of the car and pulled Anna to me, knowing she would benefit from the heat of my body as much as she had with Seth.

"Bye guys." I called as I pulled Anna with me towards the school.

She was dryer than Seth, but her blond curls were damp from the small run from the car to the school. Once we were within the warm embrace of the school halls, she released a quick shiver. If this weather hadn't backed off by lunch she would have a hard time in the forest. Her human body was designed to withstand the cold, wet atmosphere out there.

"What's all this?" She asked motioning to me with the circle of her hands. "You're looking giddy."

"I feel giddy." I giggled, I couldn't keep the smile from my lips and I dragged in a breath.

"What the hell happened?" Her mouth fell open. "You and Jacob didn't . . ."

"No!"

Her face fell a little. "What then?"

"I don't know how to describe it without it sounding juvenile."

Anna laughed gently. "You don't have to say it. I can see it."

I bit my lip, holding it between my teeth. Anna rolled her eyes but smiled. "I've been there."

I didn't know how to react. I couldn't even describe how I was feeling. I had woken up this way. I was unbearably happy. Unbearable was only way to describe it because I didn't know how to express it. It was like a bubble of air building inside of me, but it was comfortable.

I floated after Anna as she strolled to class, and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. I was even able to ignore the looks and speculation I knew was going on around me, because I didn't care what they thought. Anna giggled at me when we took our seats at the back of English. I tried to straighten out my face but it was hopeless. I didn't think I could wait until lunch. I started thinking of excuses to cut the rest of the day after it. I just wanted to be close to him.

I mindlessly worked on the homework from economics class yesterday, it was easy enough. I found myself sitting with nothing to do. My mind soared off into the woods behind the school where I knew he would be waiting for me. My mind conjured images from our past and danced lithely past the present to the future. Any other day and _I_ would have wondered what was wrong with me. As it was I didn't care, I was just enjoying the distraction.

Anna had to practically shake me when I missed the bell. I needed to pay more attention. I hadn't even written down the homework assignment. I scrolled it down quickly and followed her out. After settling into my seat in biology, I started the assignment from English. I threw myself into it with as much concentration as I could so I wouldn't float off hopelessly again. Algebraic geometry was much the same and I worked silently on my biology homework, trying to pay special attention to what the teacher was saying so I would remember what to do on the homework.

Knowing that lunch was next had created the bubble to expand yet again. The anticipation was building. I had seen Jacob every day since the day I was born, yet this was different. We were different. I tried not to think about it too much because it was so distracting.

I was finished with my biology homework so I started taking notes, I didn't particularly need them. It just kept my hands busy. Anna was starting to laugh at me now. She'd promised me in biology that it would wear off and I could go back to my normal thoughts. Having so much space in my mind gave me the convenience of having that, and enough room for all of the thoughts of Jacob. I wasn't even so sure I wanted it to wear off. I liked being shut off from the abrasiveness of everyday school life. It was just so easy to lose myself to the fantasies. I could see everything I wanted from our future together, as long as it was filled with Jacob; I would be eternally happy.

I tried once again to jot down the mundane droll of the teacher as he droned on and on; when I grew bored of taking notes, I took to watching the clock. When I had five minutes left the bubble started swelling to epic proportions. I was certain nothing would destruct this happy bubble that was surrounding me. I was wrong.

When the bell rang, Anna and I jumped from our seats ready to head to the cafeteria so we could head into the forest. But as soon as we were clear of the door, the bubble burst with a resounding pop, and was replaced by the growling animal within me.

Matthew was stood outside the class. His blood no long called but screamed to me. He was waiting for me.

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**A/N: I know; it's Sunday. Sorry :( . . . but I will not punish you for my tardiness. In all honesty I was at my sister's house and her internet was down; it sucked! I didn't realize how much my life revolved around having acess to the web :) Anywho my point is I will stick on schedule and post on Monday. **

**I know, me and my cliffies. This just seemed like a perfect spot to stop the chapter :)  
**

**The song for this chapter is DISSOLVED GIRL by Massive Attack. You can hear it on the media player I have on my website ;) There's a link on my profile :)**

**Orioncat; I hope you had a blast on your birthday and I am so happy you're back :)  
**

**Vicki, thank you so much for everything; You are a great friend :)**

**Thank you so much for all the alerts and faves, and . . . . A HUGE THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS, YOU GUYS ARE SO AWESOME, I LOVE Y'ALL. YOU ROCK!!!**

**See You on Monday - BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	17. Chapter 16: Not Falling

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

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**_**Chapter 16: Not Falling**

"Renesmee; can I talk to you?" His New York accent was heavier than I remembered it being. It was whiny and annoying; but his blood . . . Oh how his blood called to me, it was like a magnet pulling me to him; as if our polarities were meant to collide in some deranged game.

"No; Nessie?" There was panic in Anna's voice but I could not concentrate on it. The over powering scent swirled around me as the bodies passed between us, it was wafting the smell in my face and I could feel my throat constricting from the pure want.

I could feel the animal growling, screaming _yes_ from inside my body, as the sapphire eyes watched me and waited. He was offering himself to me. In some sick, subconscious twist, he was offering himself.

I ran my tongue over my lip, tasting the air, tasting him. Part of my mind was still screaming at me to run, but the darker side was gaining control, it wouldn't take long at all, I could retrieve my happiness when he was out of the way. His blood, warm and tempting would extinguish the fire. I could live again, not worry about where he was; I wouldn't have to avoid him anymore.

Someone ran between us sending another fresh wave of his scent to me. The small part of me that was fighting was silenced by the growing darkness. My decision consumed me, he was mine, and this time, no one would stop me. I took a step towards him and the smell danced around me, calling me. I could still hear Anna's voice, I just couldn't make out the words; it was a gentle humming that dissipated into nothing the louder my thirst became.

I nodded, knowing my words would come as a growl and I didn't want to scare him, I wanted him to come with me. I could savor the taste then. It wouldn't last nearly as long as I would want it to, so I would have to take it slowly. Savor each drop as it slid down my burning throat. The taste would be divine; I could smell it in the air around me.

I felt a small restraining weight on my arm; Anna's eyes were wide and full of fear. The shock of it slapped me, but his smell was too strong. There was such a conflict inside of me; two sides had waged war on one another and my mind was the battle ground. Anna's face, so full of innocence brought with it the strength of my resolve. That was until he moved towards me again sending another wave of pure bliss dancing over me; eveloping my senses.

Matthew picked up my hand and pulled me away, with it was the last shred of hope he had to live. I could feel the two lines inside of me divide and I knew how helpless I must have looked to my best friend. There was only one hope left for me, and it was one of the last conscious decisions I made in that building.

"Jacob." My voice was a whisper but I knew that Anna would hear it, even if she didn't she would go to them. Jacob was the only one strong enough to stop me. The monster in me snarled and laughed, that was if he could find us in time.

Anna nodded and disappeared, and I attempted to fight against Matthew's hold. When you're mind and body want two different things, there is no fighting it. Eventually, your thoughts are overpowered.

The smell was just too much; I couldn't say no to him, I couldn't fight. My throat pulled me forwards as if it had its own free will. My mind soon caught up. He called my name again, bringing my attention back to him. The smell hit me with the force of a truck and it dragged me under. I stepped closer lapping in the smell, my mouth pooling with saliva, knowing what was coming. My tongue danced across my lip and then my teeth; the razor edges ached to sink into the skin on his neck. I was so close; my body was leaning towards his. We walked close together, side by side.

The scent was a maddening swirl, and my hand clawed the skin at my neck. I needed to drink from him; I needed to drink from him. The words replayed like a mantra running through to the core of me. This was really happening. He was leading me; he was taking himself to death.

The hysteria almost made me laugh, so I took control, knowing that I had to get him out of here to somewhere quiet. I pulled him gently towards the front doors of the school; I towed him behind me, my eyes on the prize. The voice inside me was almost purring with victory. The flames in my throat licked waiting for what was coming; the anticipation was taking the pain to new levels. I wanted to run out of the school but my desperation would make me clumsy; I would move to quickly, reveal too much to those around me. I had to be patient; I had to keep his trust, and I needed his blood.

I kicked the doors out of my way and pulled him through behind me. The cold rain and wind slapped against me; waking up the human that lay under the screaming monster, muted by the weight of my desire. Not anymore, that one shift in smell that one swift moment of fresh air swept away the blackness. Leaving the space to be reinstated with the real me. The half human, the sentient, compassionate being I always believed I was. The thick thunderous drops splattered rain all around us and forced the thirst and animalistic voice aside. This was my last chance to get away; the last chance I had to stop this before the temptation became too much.

"I'm sorry." My words came as a whisper as I released Matthew's hand as if it had an electrical current running through it. I was too aware now and the burning was so overwhelming. I needed to get away; his brow furrowed blocking the piercing blue eyes they shaded. It gave me the last push of strength I needed to run.

"Wait," His voice disappeared off behind me as I took off towards the trees; I didn't want to run the distance of the fields so I went the other way. Under the cover of the trees I could run flat out, I could find Jacob. Jacob, I needed him now more than I ever had. He gave me strength I obviously never possessed. My feet slapped as they pounded the wet asphalt, I was running into the rain just a little faster than a human would. I hoped he wouldn't follow. I needed to collect myself so I could find Jacob and the others. He would take me home, away from here so I never had to face this again.

My mind flickered reminders of my earlier elation behind my eyes. I was beginning to feel like a petty fool, nothing was in perspective. I had no right to that kind of happiness; I had no right to have someone like Jacob in my life. He'd imprinted on a monster. He deserved so much better than me. Two close calls; I could have killed him. Jacob could forgive me that weakness couldn't he?

The thought of living without Jacob in my life crushed me like a dead weight. My heart thudded slowly in my chest as the pain filled it. I couldn't live without Jacob, he _was_ my life. Nothing meant anything without him. I just had to quit school. It would be hard for Anna, but I couldn't keep risking this boys life; I could torment myself this way. Jeopardizing my humanity was not something I wanted, I had to do this the right way.

I slowed and leaned against a damp spruce, clutching at my breaking heart. What if this made him see the monster that I was? What if he didn't want to look past that and forgive me? My fingers dug into the bark of the tree as I stabilized myself. Should he be here? shouldn't he have heard my foot falls? As if in answer to my questions, a piercing clash of thunder peeled across the sky. The rain made some things so confusing; the electrical current from the storm shifted the atmosphere. The thunder silenced the echo of movements.

I looked around realizing I didn't know where I was or how far I'd come. I heard unfamiliar feet hitting the ground around me and I straightened up, turning to look at whoever was approaching. My heart almost crashed in my chest, threatening to stop completely. The raven haired boy stood only feet from me. His hair dripping droplets of rain onto his pale skin; thankfully the wind was blowing towards him. As long as he stayed where he was, he was safe.

"Don't come any closer Matthew." I said breathlessly. My fingers tensed and relaxed against the tree as I spoke; small shards of bark fell to the ground.

Matthew took a step and raised his eyebrows as though he were testing me. What the hell was with this kid? It was like he had a death wish.

"Are you alright? You looked kind of weirded out back there." There was genuine concern there, but I didn't care about that. I couldn't understand why he would follow me.

"Fine, I just need you to stay where you are."

"I got it." He said sarcastically. I couldn't look at him I leaned my head on the arm that was against the tree; turning my head away from him as I gulped in large breaths of clean, unpolluted air.

"What did you need Matthew?"

"I just wanted to talk; you always seem to be avoiding me."

There was no seem about it, I was avoiding him. I barked out a laugh and forced myself to stand up straight. I turned to look at him. "Did you ever consider that I _was_ avoiding you?"

"No."

Arrogant ass. "Well; I was."

"Why?"

"Why does it matter? You've barely been here two weeks. Every girl in the school is vying for your attention and you're following _me_ out into the woods. I have a boyfriend I love more than my own life. Doesn't any of that seem like a viable answer to that question?"

"I see the way you look at me. I'm not blind."

"You are stupid." I snapped.

He laughed and took a step forward. I took a step back.

"I told you to stay where you are." I growled, turning from him to gasp in more air.

"Why?"

"Because I asked you to; how about that?"

"Not good enough." He said grinning and taking another step forward. His smell strengthened a little and I couldn't find the energy to move away. His blood was intoxicating. I understood why they called them singers now. I always believed it to be a metaphor for the desire, for the blood lust; but that wasn't it. The scent of him almost chanted my name as it flowed under the thin membrane of his skin. I could feel the confusion building in me again, teetering on the precipice, if he took another step, I would fall.

"Please, stay where you are."

"Renesmee; will you stop dancing around the subject. Why have you been avoiding me?"

"To keep you safe." I crowed. I was desperate to keep him away from me now.

He snorted. "From your boyfriend? I'm not worried about that."

I turned fastidiously so I could make sure he didn't step closer to me again. I just had to hold off until Jacob got here. They couldn't be far.

"No. From me. Go back to school Matthew."

"No." He said defiantly. "You know how aware I am of you. It's driving me crazy that you won't even look at me. When you do, I can almost see a longing in your eyes. I don't make a habit out of following girls that constantly reject me. _You_, I can't get out of my head."

"This isn't about attraction, you idiot. It's predator and prey. If you had any sense at all . . ."

Matthew stepped forward again as a swirl of wind spun through the trees. It caught his scent and drove into my heightened senses. Any hope I had of keeping the monster pushed below was gone. That one step had sentenced him to die. That really didn't seem like a problem to him considering he was taking another step forward. I could see the slight hesitance but his curiosity was winning out. Much the same as the monster that clawed at my throat. This was going to end badly.

I swallowed compulsively the pooling saliva did nothing to ease the burning ache. There was only one thing that could do that, and the source was standing dangerously close. He was within my reach, I just had to reach out and take it.

My internal battle curled my fingers into claws, they dug into my legs. My hands were shaking as I fought myself for control. Being out here, with the constant gusts of wind clearing my head made the indecision worse. The torment was excruciating.

"Renesmee, you look like you're about to throw up. Are you sure you're alright?"

I will be, the monster screamed as it watched Matthew close the gap. The fight was over, the darkness squashed the voice of reason into a dark corner; blocking it from view. Instinctively I dragged in a breath through my nose.

This was happening, we were in the forest, alone. No one was coming. My hand shot out and grabbed the collar of Matthew's jacket. I pulled him towards me and then slammed him into the tree I still hadn't moved from. My hand planted against his chest with as little pressure as possible, keeping him in place. I was trying to be gentle. I didn't want to stop his heart before I'd had a chance to drink from him.

He'd had his chance to get away, but his persistence had paid off. He would die today.

His scent was divine in this close proximity. I could see the pulsing of the vein under his fair skin, beating out a song, the lyrics were my name. I could hear the blood rushing through his veins with his elevated heartbeat. The fear and doubt had finally sunken in.

I met his eyes, surprised by what was staring back at me. It wasn't fear; I'd read the change in pattern wrong. It was excitement. He was _excited_? My heart pounded inside of me with renewed vigor. His willingness would make this so much easier. He thought I was going to kiss him.

I played the visual to myself, brushing my lips across his throat. He would think it was a act of passion.

The small voice that had been washed with darkness screamed with a piercing agony inside of my head. A resounding 'no', beat against the edges of my mind. The humanity was trying to find a way out, trying to find it's strength in the blackness that surrounded it.

I closed my eyes and hung my head, trying to release that part of me. I concentrated on my hand, trying to remember how to command my fingers to do my bidding. I needed them to release the material so I could move away, run. It didn't matter that he would see the speed in which I moved, it would save his life. I could worry about explanations later.

'_You're making this more difficult than it has to be._' The angry voice shouted. It could have been over now, I could be satisfied with my quarry and continue on with my life without having to deal with the temptation. All I had to do was drink. _Drink_; the word echoed around inside of me. My body leaned forward towards the smell, towards the release. _Drink_. It was my nature, it was half of who I was. Others of my kind lived this way. Did I really need to deny myself?

Yes, I did. This wasn't who I was.

But it was who I could be. I swallowed again, my breathing was ragged as it shuddered past my lips. With Matthew being so close I could almost taste him. I opened my eyes and lifted my head again. Curious as to what he must be thinking. All I could see was patience. What did he think I was doing?

I didn't have to wonder long.

"Renesmee," my name passed his lips like a song. "I know this is confusing. You've been with your boyfriend for so long, but he's all you've known. All I'm asking for is a chance."

He was a bigger idiot than I thought. Yet the reference to Jacob did something, triggered the strength in my fight against what I was. I dropped my hand from his chest and took a step back.

My body pulled me forward again, but the small space afforded me a little more clarity. Where the hell was Jacob and Seth? They should have been here by now. I didn't know how long I could keep the darkness away this time. This roller coaster was making me sick and I wanted to get off.

"Renesmee," Matthew whispered my name, and in a lapse of judgment my eyes got caught in the deep blue of his eyes.

That one moment of confusion was enough to drive me forward. I stepped a larger step forward than I had taken back placing me only inches from his face. We were almost the same height, it made it so much easier. I took a deep breath. There was no denying how strongly I wanted this now. I leaned into him dragging a deeper breath through my nose.

Matthew's hands instinctively planted themselves on my hips. The monster growled. It may have wanted his blood, but all of me wanted and loved Jacob. It seemed the staggering incongruousness of his hands also gave me my last shred of hope.

I leaned away from him and drug as much of the fresh air as I could. I brushed his hands away from hips and held onto myself as I looked him in the eye. I wanted him to see how venomously serious I was when I spoke this word, and for the first time in my life I prayed. I prayed he would take my advice.

"RUN!" I growled. Forcing my body to move away from him.

Matthew frowned.

"Run," I could hear the torment in my voice as the dividing sides in my mind tore a fault line down the center of me. "please."

I tried to keep myself on my feet as the two opposite sides came to blows in my mind. The confusion was too much. My head was pounding as the fight bounced around my skull. I was going insane. I was losing my mind. All Matthew could do was stand against the tree like an idiot, absolutely no trace of his own self preservation made a show.

My body took control of itself as my mind fell victim to the battle. I couldn't consciously think anymore. I wasn't capable of making decisions. My muscles bunched in my legs as I entered a slight crouch, the human would never pick up the subtle difference in my posture. My legs moved carrying me forward, both voices screamed incoherently in my head. It send waves of dizziness through my mind, there was nothing controlling my body anymore as my hands reached out and pressed Matthew's shoulders against the tree. My head dipped towards his neck. The pounding of his heart made the vein pulse wildly inches from my mouth.

Approaching growls snapped my mind from it's ongoing battle, the monster, always first to react spun me from my quarry. My hands clasped the tree on either side of him, behind me, as I crouched; ready to react to my competition. This time I wouldn't be taken from what I wanted. I wouldn't relinquish this grasp I had on him. I wanted it too much.

The growling died down; fading into nothingness as it closed in on us. Matthew's arms circled around my waist and his breath washed lightly against the back of my neck. The growl this time was my own. I didn't like him touching me like that.

"Stop it."

"I thought . . ."

"You thought wrong." I could hear the menacing edge to my voice as I snapped my answer at him.

His hands immediately fell from my waist to his sides.

I heard the subtle whisper of feet approaching and my legs bent in preparation to spring. No one would take what was mine. His blood called to _me_, he was willingly offering himself to _me_.

This time I let the darkness take control, tones of red filled my vision and I waited, listening for what was coming. Matthew's heart elevated as the intruder stepped from the trees. Without another thought, my legs pushed me forward and I sprang.

I came in contact with flesh, the force at which I hit it pushed us both to the ground. I tried to spring from the body but arms locked around me holding me in place, somehow my back was locked against the strength. I struggled, the monster was screaming with rage inside me. My eyes flashed open, looking for Matthew, hoping that I wasn't to late. I scanned the area around me, he was still stood against the tree, his eyes wide; full of fear.

"Let her go, man." his voice didn't hold any strength as he pushed from the tree. But I could see the determination as he approached us. I could hear the growl from under me, warning him to stay away.

I stilled in my fleshy prison, I knew instinctually the iron bars would loosen.

Matthew reached me quickly, sliding to the ground on his knees. I played on his sympathy, showing pain I wasn't feeling as I lay still. I feigned weakness as I let myself go slack against the fleshy prison. I just needed Matthew a little closer and I could defiantly take him. I doubted it would bring me much pleasure in this position, but I would win.

Matthew inched closer and the body beneath me tried to roll, I had to make my move now. I shot forward towards the boy who edged closer, my teeth were bared. I was inches from sinking me teeth into his flesh.

"Nessie, no."

The voice penetrated my mind like a cool summer breeze stripping away the control of the darkness; blowing away every inch of fight I had in me. I knew this voice, I loved this voice. Realization of what I was doing took control of me as my teeth brushed against the alabaster skin beneath the raven hair.

The taste, the realization; mingled inside of me, until I fell away, fell into an unknown darkness, surrounded by a fire that penetrated my heart.

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**A/N: Dun Dun Dun; yes Matthew is a dumb ass! It's monday; hopefully I am back on track now. I have so much to say but I can't say anything in the risk of spoiling what's to come. I almost hate being so far ahead because I can't share what I know will happen!!!**

**The song for this Chapter is NOT FALLING by Mudvayne. It's not the usual choice for these chapters, but when it shuffled onto that while I was looking for the perfect song I could almost see the smirk on Nessie's face as she guided him from the school building. If you haven't heard it, it's on my website. There's a link in my profile :)**

**Thank you To Orioncat and Vicki; You two are phenomenal and you give me so much encouragement . . . I probably would have scrapped the story early on if it wasn't for the two of you :)**

**Thank you also for the faves and alerts. And . . . TO THE REVIEWERS; SERIOUSLY, JUST AS MY FRIENDS HAVE, YOU ENCOURAGE ME TO UPDATE. THANK YOU FOR GIVING THIS STORY A CHANCE. I LOVE YOU GUYS AND SERIOUSLY . . . YOU ROCK!!!**

**See You on Wednesday - BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	18. Chapter 17: Pieces

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

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**_**Chapter 17: Pieces**

I sat silently in the car, huddled into a corner. I wouldn't allow Jacob to even touch me. Anna and Seth were in the back seat. Seth was keeping Anna at a distance for now. I couldn't blame him, I had murdered a human. It was a moment of weakness, one I would never forgive myself for. What made it worse was I had attacked Jacob.

I had woken up in his arms as he rocked me, willing me to wake up. The weight of what I had done crashed down on me as I saw the pain etched into his face. The horrified expression was now permanently etched into my mind, seared onto my optical nerves. I was a monster.

I had rolled into the smallest size I could, my knees crushed against my chest as my head buried itself in them. All of me was pressed against the door in hopes that Jacob couldn't reach me. I didn't deserve him. In my irrational thirst, I had attacked him. I could see him wincing as he drove from the corner of my eyes. I had seriously hurt him. I just wasn't sure to what extent.

I couldn't coherently hear anything anymore. I was shut off from the world, locked in my own head. I was aware of people talking at me but the sounds were muffled sighs. I couldn't piece together anything. My mind was a scrambled mess.

The lingering taste of Matthew's blood was driving my senses into the ground, sounding against every part of my body in a small chant of more, more, more. I was a monstrosity. I had drank and it hadn't satiated me at all, just made me hungry for more.

My vision finally blurred as the water filled my eyes, gently spilling over in the form of fat tears. There was no sound to accompany it. My body rejected doing anything. I was frozen, locked deep inside myself; unable to claw my way out. My mind had surrounded me with bars. All I could do was look out of my eyes, unable to process anything.

The gentle humming of the voices in the car didn't ease me as they should have. There was a worried tone to the buzzing; an urgency that really didn't register in any part of my consciousness. The sound vibrated around me making me want to close back and huddle away from the pain.

I replayed every second of the day in my head. This blissful happiness I had woken with this morning, I couldn't even remember the feeling of that. I was numb. It seemed so irrational now. Was that what had knocked my guard down, placed a penetrable hole in my defenses? Could that really have only been a couple of hours ago?

Then there was the attack as the bodies moved between us, the sweeping gusts of his scent as it pulled me in, called to me. Looking at this in retrospect, I could have fought that. I could have let Anna drag me away. I had been so afraid of hurting her though, afraid that if she had tried to pry me away from him the monster would act defensively. Had that been irrational? Could I have consciously hurt Anna? I doubted it but there was always the chance that my reactions wouldn't have been my own.

When I ran, I never should have stopped myself. If I had run home with the full speed I was capable of nothing would have happened. Jacob would have followed me and everything would be alright. I was a selfish irrational fool. Why _had_ I stopped?

I was only slightly aware of the arms that untwisted my body from its cocoon. I tried to focus my eyes on the person carrying me, but my mind wouldn't allow me to focus. The small blurs were only of the house itself. I was home. The glass reflected the gray on me like an omen. The darkness was reprimanding me for everything I had done wrong.

There were hands touching me, but I couldn't really feel them. They were just small interruptions in the numbness that surrounded me. I fought for control of myself again, but I was clawing at nothingness. It was like being at the bottom of a well, trying to climb the slick, damp walls. There was nothing to lock my footing, I slid uselessly back into my own mind curling into a weak ball at the bottom.

My mom's face appeared to me on several occasions and I willed my arms to work so I could hold her, feel the comfort of her embrace. I began to panic when I couldn't find them. I screamed, but the sound echoed around my mind, there was no releasing it as it resounded around me getting louder.

There was so much pain in this little space, so many pictures swirled around me, reminding me of what I had done. Locked in here, I could see the face I had attacked. I had been looking directly at him, but in my madness I had blocked his perfect face; seeing only a monster stealing what I was irrationally calling mine. I was attacking Jacob.

He would never forgive me and I didn't blame him. I deserved to be hated by him. Stabbing pain echoed around my head and stabbed at me as the thought settled. I couldn't live without him. He was everything; my world, my heart, my soul.

My inner self trembled, but I was aware that it didn't reflect to anyone around me. If I was ever released from the cage my mind had created I would have to leave him. He didn't deserve to suffer me. The only way I knew he would let me go was if I killed myself. That would release him from his bond to me. He could be happy then, live his life as it was supposed to be lived.

Death would not come easily, being a half vampire made me practically indestructible. Nahuel and his sisters had attested to that. They had tested the limits of their immortality. I didn't know all the details, but I knew that only brute force would do the job. Our bones _were _breakable but it took a tremendous amount of pressure. They were limits they hadn't surpassed and I hoped they never would. I had shied away from the idea but it seemed to make sense now. I could understand why they did it.

They lived traditionally most of their lives. I hadn't understood what Orion had meant when she told me that her humanity had punished her, that her human half had fought what she craved. I knew what she'd meant now. I understood the pain she had spoken of. Half of us instinctively craved human blood, the other half shied away from it realizing what was needed to fulfill that thirst.

Their attempts at ending what they had called purgatory had been unsuccessful. I needed someone to help me. I shook that off, no one would help me. Unless I went to . . .

Even locked in the cage of my mind I shied away from the name. That was never an option. I had only one other choice, I was in a controlled environment and knew that I could succeed where the Brazilian coven had failed. I would starve myself.

The urgent humming started around me again with the flutter of shadows. I instinctively knew it was my father; he was the only one who would have heard those dark thoughts running through my mind. I tried to pay attention to the sounds, to make out his voice, but there was nothing I could do to force the concentration. It slipped away from me the more I tried to control my body. Eventually, darkness fell upon me and I let it take me. Anything would be better than this. Anything, even the pain I knew would come with my returned senses.

I woke up in my room. It was dark and quiet, and I could finally feel the pain my mind had locked away from me. There was no loss of clarity about what had happened. It had coated my dreams like acid, eating away at my subconscious, penetrating my minds self defense. There was no hiding from that.

Every one of my limbs felt heavier than they should, it was like they no longer belonged to me at all.

Sleep had removed the cage I'd been kept in, but it seemed consciousness would bring with it its own form of torture.

The first came with the body that lay behind me. I knew who this was without looking. He was curled around me. His gentle snores shifting the hair on the back of my neck and the heat of his body enveloped my own. His presence had eased some of the torture. I knew this now that I was awake, now that I could think without the cloud of desperate denial. The dreams that had tortured me were tame to what I would feel in his absence.

_His absence._ The thought tore through me like serrated knife. Could I do this? Did I have the strength to ask him to leave? I didn't want it but it was the only fair thing to do. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve the animal that lay within me.

I wasn't sure how to ask him to leave. It would be the most difficult thing I would ever have to do, but it needed to be done. I couldn't risk him again. I couldn't risk hurting him. I wasn't even sure what damage I had inflicted on him this time, I was too afraid to look.

I shied away from the hazy memory in the car; he had been wincing in pain. I could see that as he turned the steering wheel. I tried to keep myself together as I remembered. I had to be strong to do this. I had to keep my resolve strong. I wouldn't punish him for my mistakes.

I heard the sound of my parents ascending the stairs. My coherent thoughts more than likely alerted them to the fact that I was awake. I just wasn't sure I was ready to face them yet. Everything we had worked for, everything we had built. I had just destroyed it in one selfish afternoon.

The thoughts didn't stop my parents as they burst into my room. The light and sound shifted Jacob awake. He sprung to his feet, a feeble growl emitting from his chest as his body fell into a defensive stance.

"Calm down, Jacob. It's just us." My mom's voice was calm and easing as she addressed him.

"Huh, sorry. What happened?"

My dad ignored him and kneeled by my head, brushing the strands of hair back. His concerned eyes gazed into mine. I wanted to look away from him, but the pain etched on his face wouldn't let me.

"Sweetheart,"

That one word sent my whole world spinning. My arms shot around his neck and I temporarily let go of the pain. I had promised to keep this pain my own, and here I was dragging everyone I loved into it with me. My dad's soothing voice hummed my mom's lullaby gently as he rocked me. I didn't deserve this kind of comfort. I didn't deserve a family like this.

"Nessie, listen to me. You're torturing yourself needlessly. Everybody's fine. No one was hurt."

"We've been so worried about you Nessie." My mom's hand was on my leg, patting me gently.

I wanted to believe what they were saying with all of my heart. I knew what they were doing was to keep me from hurting, to stop the pain. It only made things worse. I remembered every detail, every small insignificant detail. It replayed in my nightmares, repeating itself like a skipped disc.

Jacob stood behind my parents now, had his hand on his neck, fear and concern coloring his eyes. Fear. It was all my fault. I hadn't forgotten my promise to myself. I fully intended to go through with my original plan. Holding the people I loved closer would only make it harder . . . for them. I deserved the pain this would bring.

"Ness, honey. I'm so sorry." Jacob's voice was deeper and huskier than I'd ever heard it. I could see his longing to hold me, but I couldn't allow that. I couldn't allow him to hurt because of what I had done. Having him in this room with me made the pain worse. It split me apart. A guillotine would have less of an effect than the searing division I was suffering now.

I needed space and time. I needed to be alone so I could suffer in silence.

"Ness, you've been out for three days. You've suffered enough."

"Please . . ." my voice was cracking from lack of use. I had to finish in silence. '_I just need more time, Dad. Please. Get him out of here. He doesn't need to suffer with me._'

The soft sigh was all I needed. As much as my father hated this he would give me what I needed. He would let me deal with this my own way. I had never asked for anything as important as this.

"Ness needs some time. She's asked us all to leave." His voice was grave as he relayed my plea.

"No." I heard the brick wall in Jacob's voice. He wouldn't be moved on this. I knew it would have to be me.

"Jake, please, I just need some time. I need . . . I . . ." I could feel myself weaken to his defiance, but I had to let him go. I had to suffer through this. I had to complete my promise. He would not suffer this burden with me, he would not suffer me. I wouldn't put him in danger again. He meant too much to me.

"Get out."

The three of them looked at me with pain and confusion, but I knew this was the only way any of them would relinquish their claim on my pain. "Get. Out!"

"Renesmee . . ."

"Please, just go," I sat up, pulling myself away from my father and letting my hands slide from his shoulders. My mind rejected the movement. My hand fell into the mattress stabilizing me. A sob built in my chest crushing me. I felt the pain rolling from the three of them in waves. It was too much. I was broken, a shattered remnant of my former self.

"Please, Nessie." Jacob's throat was thick. His pain was obvious.

"No, please go." I couldn't listening to his rationalization, his reasoning, his begging.

I made a move to stand. My weak legs waived beneath me, but I continued on, plowing through my parents to get to Jacob. His arms outstretched towards me, but I avoided them planting my hands in his chest. I pushed him towards the door.

His brown eyes filled with the scars I was giving him, my chest heaved with the building sobs. "Get out, get out, please, all of you, leave me alone."

My parents were on their feet quickly, my dad's arms pulled my hands from Jacob's chest and pinned them to my sides. I wouldn't hurt him while I was under control, but I could see the need for this restraint. I was slowly losing my temper, maybe even my mind.

Why wouldn't they listen to me?

I could see the silent conversation pass through them as they gazed at one another in disbelief. I just wanted them to leave me alone. I wanted to do this alone. I had caused this rift I would suffer it alone.

"Nessie, you've overreacting." My dad said sternly, but I wouldn't be moved on this. I was strong enough for this alone. It was the only thing I wanted right now.

"GET OUT!" I screamed the words now, thrashing wildly against my father's arms. The ghost of the monster roared to life as my temper seethed beneath the surface.

Jacob was the first to give up. He'd been trying to penetrate my steely stare, but my walls were securely in place ready for the pain the void of him would leave. My mom followed him out. I knew she would give him the comfort he needed. She was his best friend and I knew she would hold him together for me.

My dad released me with one last pleading look. It almost knocked the wall I had built to dust, but I held on pushing with my mind to keep that wall up. I wouldn't have them in here to watch me suffer. I wouldn't let them talk me out of it either.

"I'm here when you need me, Nessie. But I will not stand by and let you destroy yourself, you did nothing wrong. Matthew is alive."

The memory of the taste flooded my mouth almost as if it was on cue. I knew my father could read that in my mind. I glared at him pointedly. '_Do you taste _that_? Dad, I need time!'_

"I _will _be checking on you."

"I would prefer you didn't." I snapped coldly.

"You're still my daughter Renesmee."

"Then give me some time." I growled.

I closed the door behind him as he left and twisted the lock, my anger dissipated with the click and the weight finally crashed on me. I was giving Jacob up. I had to push him away so I wouldn't hurt him. The sadness filled the space of the anger when I finally looked around my empty room.

There were so many simple reminders of him in here. The leather band he'd obviously taken off to sleep, laid on the night stand. The sweats he wore to bed were draped over the desk chair. He was as much a part of this room as I was and it killed me to disconnect from that.

My throat burned as I thought of my insignificant plan. The burden was too much to bear. I fell onto my bed and buried my face in the space Jacob had just occupied. I hoped it would give me some strength. I had been out for three days. My mind had closed in on itself. I hoped it had brought me one step closer to my goal.

I moved back to my bed and crawled into the middle of it. Sleep had stolen me for three days, now I would have to endure this pain as my days caught up with my nights. Jacob's face flashed behind my eyes. So this is where it began. I hadn't missed the way Jacob had winced when I touched him. To my estimation, I had probably broken a couple of his ribs.

He healed quickly and I knew that if he was still wincing in pain three days later, the extent of his injuries had been far worse when I had attacked him. Shame and guilt rolled around inside of me, partnering together to cripple me. I replayed the moment I had sprung. I knew how hard I had hit him. If I let myself concentrate on that one moment, I could hear the cracks his body made as we hit the ground.

He had also seen me kill. He had seen me hunting a million times in our life together. We'd even made it a game. Knowing that he had been holding me as I took a human life made me feel dirty, ashamed, tainted even. He fought to protect human life, and I brought him into the center of that murder.

I couldn't understand how he could look so pained at my rejection. Yes, he had imprinted on me, but did that mean he should turn his back on everything he stood for? He had dedicated his life to the cause and I refused to let him look past that for me, bend the rules. I wasn't worth it.

I tried to block out the sound of the shuffling around downstairs, the mumbled conversations as the family was brought up to speed. Everything in me started to ache. It started in my bones and worked its way out like a plague. It was pure disgust. I hated myself, every stupid, perfect part of me. Everything about me drew Matthew in, made him believe that I was what he wanted. He had been delusional enough to believe that I wanted him. It was all part of the neat little package. It was the vampire side of me.

I couldn't think anymore. Every time I thought; Jacob's face would flutter across my mind. As I sat staring at a shadow on the wall, thoughts ran idly through my mind. They worsened with every second. It was punishment. Punishment for what I had done, for what I was capable of.

It was so clear in my mind. I was in an open field. Matthew's dead body lay cold and bloodless next to me. In my arms was Jacob, fragile and broken. His eyes lifeless and his neck twisted.

I sat up screaming his name, tears rolled down my cheeks as the ghost of the scene haunted me. His dead eyes were cold. There was no remnant of the brooding expression behind them. I had to be doing the right thing, I had to be. I couldn't live knowing I was a danger to him, that I was capable of hurting him like that.

My chest rose and fell with my panicked breaths. I knew that I was capable. I had proved that when I attacked him. The look in his eyes when I had pounced would never leave me. They were full of fear and the unknown. Panic and worry.

A light tap on the window brought me from my morbid thoughts, my eyes danced to the window and my heart stopped. Jacob stood close to the glass. His soulful eyes full of pain and questions. Having him this close wouldn't make this easy. I couldn't look at him and willingly push him away.

The sobs grew inside of my chest, and my heart shattered with the rolling wave of the first sob. My body trembled as my arms wrapped around myself. I was stuck on this bed just staring at the man I loved. I was unable to move, frozen by my fear and pain. His hand reached out and pressed against the glass willing me to come to him.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't say goodbye to him. I needed him too much to let him go. I let myself slide from the bed and walked across the room to the window.

Being this close to him brought back every ache of love I had for this man, but it was tainted by the nightmare. The vision my subconscious had conjured. I placed my hand against the glass, my palm against his palm. I could almost feel his warmth through it. Our eyes connected even through this insignificant barrier our undeniable connection pulsed.

I couldn't get rid of the image of him broken in my arms. It tore through me like a fire. I couldn't do this to him. I mouthed "_I'm sorry_" and turned, running to the bathroom where there were no windows. It would be my solitude.

"Nessie," his voice rang behind me, and implanted itself in my mind where I knew it would haunt me for as long as I lived.

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**A/N: Crap! I'm sorry . . . I know it's Thursday, and as before I will not punish you for my tardiness and will post tomorrow (Friday). This was a difficult chapter to write; I wanted her to have the same shame and self loathing as her father did when the animal inside him arose. Pushing Jacob away was hard too, I had grown quite attached to him!**

**The song for this chapter is PIECES by Red, as always you can listen to it on the media player on my website, it really fits with the mood; and inspired me a little. There's a link to it on my profile for those of you that would like to hear it :)**

**Thank you to Orioncat, the bestest beta EVER! Also thank you to Vicki, she caught a major snuffle and called me on it! She also chopped of the head of my writers block! THANK YOU!**

**Thank you for the alerts and faves, and as always . . . THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS, YOU GUYS REALLY ARE AWESOME . . . AND **12abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz34 **SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO POST, I WILL TRY AND STAY ON TOP OF THAT ;) . . . YOU GUYS ROCK!!! ALL OF YOU! **

**TILL TOMORROW - BIG HUGZ AND MUCH LOVE - L -  
**


	19. Chapter 18: The Funeral

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**

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**_**Chapter 18: The Funeral**

I sat in the solitude of my bathtub for two days. Not once did I let myself sleep in fear of seeing the same nightmare. I refused to see Jacob broken like that. Shadows of it still passed over my eyes, even as I sat staring at the grout of the tile. It haunted me, right along with the way he'd said my name as I ran from him. There was so much pain in anguish in that one word that my heart literally shattered into pieces.

My parents had been in to check on me on more than one occasion, tapping on the door lightly after they'd made a show of coming up the stairs. They would ask for entry each time, and I would scream their denial back at them. I just wanted to be left alone. I was tired of hearing them telling me that Matthew was alive.

I was beginning to think that the concept of time was too much for them to grasp. Was it really that difficult to understand? I wanted to suffer in peace. I wanted to be left alone. It was time, sixty seconds in a minute, sixty minutes in an hour; was the concept really that hard to grasp? After these thoughts came the self loathing; I knew I was being unnecessarily snappy towards them because I was overly tired.

Two days and nights of forced consciousness were beginning to wear on me. My head would slowly fall to my chest as my body tried to take control. This time I wouldn't let it, I wouldn't let it dictate my life anymore. It had taken away the one thing that meant anything to me and stomped it into the ground.

No, it would not be winning this fight. I shifted myself into a corner of the oversized tub, pulling my legs impossibly tight against my chest until it was uncomfortable. I would not let sleep take me, I would not eat. I would sit here and ache, waiting for something to happen- anything.

I jumped when the bathroom door slammed open against the wall. I didn't hear anyone in my room. I couldn't understand how they had surprised me. Every four hours they would stomp loudly up the stairs and rattle my door before they opened it; to my estimation it had barely been two hours since they last checked on my health and state, or lack thereof, of mind. I looked around the door.

Standing there, like an angel, was Orion. She was smiling, happy with herself for picking the lock. Her dark hair framed her face in waves.

"Renesmee, you look like crap." Her accent was strong as appraised me with her dark eyes. Her smile faltered.

I laughed once but it collapsed into a hopeless sob, shaking my body as I curled back in on myself. Orion was immediately in the tub. Her arms wrapped around me as she rocked me back and forth, her fingers working through the matted mess that had once been my hair.

"Oh dear, your momma said you were a mess, but I never believed it would be this bad."

"Orion . . . I'm so . . ."

"No apologies. It's part of the process. Let yourself cry."

So I did. I grasped onto Orion for dear life. Once I started crying, it overwhelmed me and pulled me under. All of the grief and guilt washed over me as my body shook violently. Orion said nothing, she just let me cry. She was wise that way.

The oldest of the three sisters, she had a lot more life under her belt than even my father. Orion understood my pain probably better than anyone else. She had told me about her first kill while we were in Brazil visiting them. Her father had forced her hand and she had murdered an innocent soul. She supported my abstinence while the others had almost laughed. She was my rock; she knew what this was like. She knew how much this hurt.

She didn't go further into her history with me and I hadn't pried, but I knew it had been traumatic. I knew that it had torn at her soul until she had found her solace. I didn't know the schematics of it; I just knew that she understood. Her words comforted me more than anyone else's could; because she had been through this before. She had killed, but she had also repented. This only made me cry harder again because her pain was also my own.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there crying, but I got to the point where I couldn't possibly continue. The tears dried up before the sobs did. The shaking continued even once the sobs had subsided. I didn't need to look into the mirror to see what a mess I was. I could feel where the salt of the tears had dried against my skin.

"How long have you been awake?" Orion asked as her hands took mine.

"Two nights, this is the third day. I think." It was all a little fuzzy.

"Do you wish to talk about it?"

I swallowed and considered the offer. If anyone was to understand it would be Orion. She had been through all stages of this life and now settled for our family's diet because it was the option she could live with.

The option that meant she wasn't tainted with guilt for the needless murder of humans.

"I feel so guilty. It eats me alive, both of them run through my dreams and the ending is always so distorted. I don't want to sleep, I hate seeing him so lifeless."

"Them?" Orion inquired.

"I attacked Jacob. As far as I can tell he's fine, but I couldn't live with myself if I hurt him."

"The wolf?"

"Yes, I'm his imprint."

Orion looked at me curiously and in my tired state it took me a while to understand. She was still under the impression that Jacob was my bodyguard.

"The wolves have this thing called imprinting. When they find the one person perfectly made for them they are drawn to them. Their whole world revolves around that person. There is a deep love that holds them, like a gravitational pull."

"How unfortunate for you," Orion said scrunching up her face.

"No. No, I love him Orion. He's better than anything I could have imagined. It's so difficult to explain but it's almost as though we _were_ made for one another. Like puzzle pieces finally put together."

"But Nahuel said . . ."

"I know, but at the time Jacob and I were only friends. Our connection grew as I did, until I finally realized I couldn't live without him. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anything. Nothing seemed to make sense unless I shared it with him."

"Like I said- unfortunate," Orion laughed. "So you attacked him also. Will he not forgive you?"

"He already has, but I can't risk him again Orion. He's too important to me."

Orion thought about the statement. Her deep brown eyes almost looked black as she mulled over my problem. This was what I liked best about her. She didn't find the need to call me stupid and expect me to just get over it. She realized that it ran deeply, that it affected my every thought.

"And the boy?"

"Just an unfortunate kid at school. His blood sang to me, it was the strongest thing I've ever encountered. I felt like a monster. It took over every part of me."

She held up my hand palm up. "May I see?"

I really didn't want to relive the nightmare, but I knew it was the only way she would understand what I had been going through. She sat patiently as I laid my palm against her face, replaying the entire debacle. I winced as I hit Jacob, pushing him to the ground. It would surely send the ghost of his lifeless face through my mind again.

I finally dropped my hand from her face. I didn't know what to expect from her.

"I have never encountered something so strong. Even seeing it through your memory, it made me thirsty." She shuddered stopped briefly as she considered the rest of her answer. "You may not want to hear this Nessie, but to me it seems that you were powerless. The strength of the scent . . . never in all of my years."

I stayed silent. My father had managed to abstain from killing my mother. I couldn't understand how I could have been so weak. The one thing I had to live for had been there, and I had fought against him to get what I wanted.

"If we're going to look at this from every angle I must tell you that you had more strength than I possess. If you were able to run away, if he hadn't of followed you, none of this would be relevant. The truth of the matter is we all make mistakes. I know that you would prefer not to look at it that way, but it's an unfortunate ramification of what we are. You know parts of my history Nessie; I have never elaborated because it hurts terribly. This guilt will ease with time."

She brushed my hair back over my shoulders gently.

"You have abstained for your entire life. You never had trouble staying away from human blood. This was an anomaly. There was no way to fight it, especially when he was so drawn to you. Neither I nor my family would have been capable to refrain as you did the previous times. Your internal battle is a testament to your strength. You cannot see this as a failure. You have to look at it as a lesson."

"It's seems a high price to pay."

"It is, and I have told you on more than one occasion, sweet Nessie, I have caused death in order to satiate my own thirst. It was something I couldn't live with. My conscience would not let me think of it as a necessary sacrifice. I live everyday with the faces of those I have killed in my mind. You just have to learn to make your peace with it as best you can. As for your wolf, the answer will come in time. You will know what to do when you're ready. Until then, bide your time. If this connection is a strong as your memories show me, he will wait for you."

It made sense even if I didn't like it. I knew it was the only solution. Killing myself was not the answer. How could I have been stupid enough to even think that? In my selfishness I would have hurt not only Jacob but I would have destroyed my entire family. I blinked and fought to reopen my eyes.

"Maybe if you slept you would feel better, yes?"

"Perhaps."

"Come on then. I will lay with you until you fall asleep. Your family is worried about you, and it'll just get worse if they see you this way."

Orion stood in one swift movement, she offered me her hand, and I willingly took it. She pulled me to my feet and steadied me as I swayed. She tutted gently as she lifted me out from the tub and guided me from the bathroom. I pulled one of the pillows on Jacob's side of the bed towards me and rested my head on it, breathing in the fading scent. I missed him so much.

Orion stayed with me as sleep took control. She had picked up a book from my night stand and began reading. My heavy eyes had caught her scanning the pages before they became too heavy to lift again. The nightmares still haunted me, but I found the strength to endure them. They seemed to fade into different directions, but every time they led me back into the field. I would turn and run from the scene, losing myself in the trees. When I believed I was finally free of the scene, I would burst once again into the openness. Matthew and Jacob always stood side by side in the middle.

I wanted to go to Jacob. I would call his name but his eyes never reached me. Matthew would always find me first, his sapphire eyes daring me to come forward. I could read in between the lines. To get to Jacob I had to relive my nightmare. The outcome would have to be the same.

The last time I burst through the trees I tried to remind myself it was a dream. That I could give myself the strength to avoid those blue eyes, avoid the blood that ran under the skin as it screamed my name. I walked forward, my eyes only on Jacob as he continued to stare off into the distance. I willed him to look at me, but it was pointless. His eyes were focused on something else.

The closer I got to the two, the stronger Matthew's blood call became. I tried to keep up the walls I had built for myself. My defense of this only being a dream, but the memory had planted the scent and pulled it into my subconscious for the occasion.

I tried holding my breath as I got closer, but it seemed to intensify every other sense. I could hear the blood flowing, see the pulse from my peripheral vision. I screamed Jacob's name now, hoping he would come to me, help me change the outcome of this nightmare. He didn't turn. He just stood motionless against the backdrop of the trees.

The breaths I heaved in as I called his name intensified the smell again and I began losing my will, changing my course. Finally, as I reached Matthew, Jacob looked at me with pain painted in his eyes. Small lines carved themselves into his copper skin. He reached for me, tried to stop me but I pounced.

I sat upright the scream still lingering in my lips, it echoed around the room; eventually choked off by my sobs. A set of arms circled around me and I huddled into the body. It was my mom. I could smell her scent as she pulled me to her, her hands running through my hair as she cooed soothingly.

"Baby, it was just a dream. Breathe Nessie, breathe."

I hadn't noticed that I was holding my breath. I released it with a sob, dragging it on over the blistering flesh of my throat. I wrapped my arms around my mother's waist and buried my head into her shoulder. She stayed silently holding me as I cried myself out again. I knew I must be terrifying her.

"I'm so sorry mom."

"Don't be silly sweetheart. You have nothing to apologize for."

"I let you down."

"Nessie, when will you listen to reason?"

"Mom, please."

"Okay, okay. Will you at least do me a favor?"

I sniffled against her shoulder, but leaned away so I could see her face.

"Take a shower, get dressed, and come and eat something. You haven't eaten in almost seven days."

"Mom, I . . ."

"I won't take no for an answer."

I wiped the last of the tears away with the back of my hand and nodded. She was in her stubborn mode- there was no arguing with her.

"Okay, go. I'll go and make something for you to eat."

I stood up slowly, feeling the weakness in my limbs. It was evident that this was the only repercussion from lack of nutrients. I made my way back to my self -imposed prison and flicked on the lights. It was dark, and I had absolutely no idea what time it was.

I let the hot water run over me, washing away the nightmare for now. I knew it would return when I chose to sleep again, but I couldn't continue this charade for much longer; I had done my mourning and now I needed to carry on. I dressed in an old pair of jeans and a baggy t-shirt, not really caring what I looked like, and I made my way down the stairs. I could smell the steak broiling, and my stomach was ready to take off on its own at this point. It snarled inside of me.

I wasn't expecting the reception waiting for me in the kitchen. Everyone was there, including Ara, Nahuel and Orion. Jasper's eyes were full of concern and I wondered whether he'd been suffering with me. I immediately felt the need to bolt from the room, a pulse of guilt flowed through my veins just knowing how much I had made every one of these people suffer.

My dad reached me quickly, wrapping his arms tightly around me and pulling me into his chest. He'd seen my decision to run. With one arm around my waist he guided me to the table and sat me down next to Nahuel.

My eyes darted around looking for the one face I longed to see, but feared would be there. Jacob was nowhere to be seen and the mingled feeling of relief and pain rolled around in my empty body. Had I succeeded?

Nahuel smiled genially at me. His hand covered mine on the table top as my dad kissed the top of my head and backed away. It was an odd but comforting feeling from Nahuel. I wasn't sure how I felt about his touch. Nahuel had become a good friend, and I chalked it down to his concern. Ara and Orion sat opposite from me, smiling with encouragement. My mom and Esme brought over four plates and sat them in front of us as my dad ushered everyone from the kitchen.

"Let the girl eat first." He warned Rosalie gently. I looked up in time to see the concern in her eyes as she looked at me. She loved me just as deeply as my parents did. She and Alice were like other versions of my mom and they doted on me. I could have kicked myself for doing this to them.

I gave her a weak smile that seemed to appease her for the time being, and she disappeared from the kitchen with the rest of the family leaving the four who were eating and my parents. My parents worked on the dishes as we ate. I knew they were still concerned that I may break down again at any second.

Nahuel removed his hand from mine to pick up his silverware. He cut into his steak and took a mouthful. I followed suit with a sigh. The food hit my empty stomach with a thud I could almost feel. I hadn't realized how empty I was. After that first bite I dug in with more fervor, wanting to savor the feeling of it. Ara let out a small giggle and cut into her own food.

We ate in silence, but the atmosphere seemed to relax with every mouthful I took. My dad would continually check on my progress through his peripheral vision, it was almost as though he was waiting for something. It was my own fault for cutting them off all these days. I would have to deal with the consequences of my actions.

I cleared my plate quickly and threw myself back in the chair placing my hand on my now full stomach. Surprisingly, it had made me feel better. The emptiness was still present, but I knew the only thing that could fill it was probably in La Push, in pain because of what I was doing.

"He thought he was making things worse by being here." My dad said interrupting my speculating. "He wanted to give you time."

I tried to swallow the tears that were building as I nodded. I had hurt him- hurt him enough that he was staying away. I just needed to figure out if I would set him free, or place his life in danger with my selfishness. I could live, though it would unbearable, with the murder of a stranger, but I doubted I could ever deal with the pain that would come if I ever truly hurt him.

"Ara," I heard Orion's voice as she glanced at her sister. I looked up just in time to see a tear rolling from the corner of Ara's eyes before she brushed them away quickly. Orion eyed her sister warily before digging back into her food.

"Nessie, would you take a drive with me?" My mom asked turning from the sink and eyeing the clock.

Was she taking me to see Jacob? I really didn't think I was ready for that. I wanted to see him with every inch of my being, but the nightmares were still so fresh in my mind. I began to panic. Would he be disappointed because I had pushed him away, because I wouldn't let him in? My heart pounded in my chest bringing every eye in the kitchen down on me.

"No, Nessie." My dad's voice was soft and sympathetic. "You're the only one who can decide when you're ready for that. Your mom just wants to get you some fresh air. There's something we both think you need to see."

I was curious enough that I didn't fight them. I nodded, rising from the table with my plate. My dad took it from me and kissed my temple lightly.

"I'll see you when you get back." he promised, turning to rinse the plate. He gave my mom a deep kiss on the lips and smiled at her.

I pulled on some shoes and followed my mom out to the garage. She got in the Volvo and waited for me to climb in before taking off into the darkness. I glanced down at the clock on the dash- it was almost dawn. I couldn't imagine what she would want to show me at this hour, but I was thankful for the peace the drive would bring me.

We didn't go far. She drove the car into the small town and turned off on a quiet street where some of the bigger houses were situated. She parked away from the street lamps and turned off the car.

"What are we doing?"

"Just be patient." She said smiling. She picked up my hand placing one of hers on either side. "How are you really feeling?"

"Stupid, fragile, selfish. You all work so hard at what you do, and I ruined it all. One ounce of temptation and I cracked."

"Ness, if your memory was anything close to how you felt when you were close to him, you're stronger than I will ever be."

"How can you say that after what happened, mom?"

"You'll see." She answered cryptically.

"Can I ask you something?" I whispered not sure whether I really wanted an answer to the question I was going to ask.

"Of course."

"How bad was Jacob hurt?"

I saw the slight blanching of her perfect skin. It wasn't a question she wanted me to ask, but it was one I needed to know the answer to. I waited quietly as she organized her answer.

"It was mostly broken bones, most of them healed quickly, but the bigger ones took a little longer. He's fine now, just worried about you."

"Bigger ones?"

"His shoulder, collar and thigh,"

I dropped my head into my hands and took deep breaths. It was far worse than I'd thought. I must have hit him harder than I originally believed.

"Accidents happen. Really he should have moved out of the way. He forgets how strong you are."

I dropped my hands and looked at my mom.

"How can you say this is an accident? I _attacked _him mom, sprang from ten feet and plowed into him with all of my strength. This is all my fault."

"Nessie, I understand how hard this is for you. I know what it's like to hurt the ones you love, but you can't beat yourself up about this. Jacob doesn't blame you. He loves you. You would have to be blind not to see that."

"I love him too, but I don't want to hurt him again. I would never forgive myself. I just need time to think about this. I know I can't live without him, and it hurts to think about him being so close and in pain because of what I've done."

"The only pain Jacob is suffering is being separated from you."

"I killed a human, mom. That's his whole directive in life- to protect people from us."

The two of us sat in silence for a while as the last sentence hung in the air. I didn't think she could argue with that; she knew as well as I did that even though the treaty was void, the wolves could never fully trust us. We were predators; slaves to our thirsts; if nothing else, this had proven that to me; it was a hard lesson to learn but it was now seared into my mind. Burnt into the lids of my eyes.

It was ten minutes before the silence was finally broken.

"I want to get one thing straight, Renesmee. I brought you here for a reason, in so many ways you're just like me. The proof of the circumstance is all that it takes to make it real for you. You're level headed in ways I wasn't, but your stubborn streak is directly inherited from the Swan side of the family. You are not a bad person, and you are not a murderer. That is why I brought you here." She pointed to a house three down from the one we were parked in front of. The lights cast a glow against the graying sky.

I looked to her but she motioned to the house again with her chin. I watched and waited, not really sure what I was waiting for. The front door opened and someone stepped out. At first I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was beginning to believe I was going insane when I finally saw a small bandage covering a section of skin on his alabaster neck. It was Matthew, and he was alive.

"How?" I looked from him to my mother and back in disbelief. I remembered the taste of his blood, my teeth had sunken into his neck.

"Carlisle has a theory of course." she said smugly as she picked up my hand again and squeezed it.

"Which is?"

"Well, everything considered, if Jake hadn't of shown up there was a possibility it could have happened without all of the drama, but we'll never know. Nessie, you are a pure person, filled with a light none of us can touch. Carlisle speculates that your conscience and thirst had confused you so deeply that when his blood touched your lips it was too much for you. Your subconscious wouldn't let you do it and it shut you down."

"What's that supposed to mean? My mind was what was pushing me forward. It was like a voice inside of me telling me to take what was mine. It was like I realized what was happening and let it take control."

"That was because his blood was calling you, but it was all too much. You have too much humanity in you to kill. So your body shut you down and stopped you. Of course, there's no way to prove that, it's just a theory."

"So, what does Matthew think happened?"

"Well, Seth knocked him out cold. When he woke up they fed him a story. He thinks he got into a fight with Jacob and when he was knocked out against the tree, he caught his shoulder on something."

"He fell for that?" I chocked fighting the natural impulse to laugh.

"It took a little while to convince him but, yes he believes that."

Matthew was _alive_. I hadn't murdered anyone. The elation hadn't even gotten off the ground when reality pushed it back down to earth. I had still attacked Jacob. I had still broken his bones, almost killed him.

"I'm not pushing you, sweetheart. Really I'm not, but you _can_ be happy about this. Jacob will always love you and he's waiting for that call. If you need more time, take it. He'll wait for you. This _is_ a good thing."

"I miss him so much." I stared out of the window watching as Matthew climbed into his car. "I just don't know that I'm ready to face him yet. I hurt him. I don't even know how to go about talking to him about that."

"Then spend a couple of days with your friends. Give yourself time. No one will begrudge you that."

I could do that. I could take some time to figure out what I wanted to say to him. I needed him desperately, but I would feel awkward trying to apologize to him now. But I would apologize, and I would make it up to him.

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**A/N: Back on track hopefully lol. I have been trying to stay ahead of myself but I caught up to the edited chapters and I have to go in and tune them up a little. I had a little bit of writers block this past week and hardly typed a word. I won't go into details but I was stuck! This morning; after only two hours of sleep I had an ephiphany . . . it was all spawned from an idea Vicki gave me. I was gazing at the red light probably looking a little gormless and it slapped me upside the head; and down crumble the wall that was stopping me from writing!**

**The song for this chapter is THE FUNERAL by Band Of Horses. Awesome song and you can find a link on my profile that will take you to the media player where you can hear it if you would like to.**

**Thank you to Orioncat for her wonderful beta work and her fantastical suggestions. :) I owe you a couple dozen Margarita's at this point!!  
**

**Vicki; thank you a million times over for your brainstorming, and your help in removing the solid brick wall in my head. You have no idea how grateful I am to you. I think I owe you a couple of drinks too.**

**Thanks for all the reviews and faves; and of course . . . THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS; I PROMISE ALL THE QUESTION YOU HAVE WILL BE ANSWERED AND KEEP THEM COMING, I WILL TRY AND ANSWER YOU AS HONESTLY AS I CAN WITHOUT GIVING AWAY PLOT POINTS IF IT'S NOT EXPLAINED. I SERIOUSLY LOVE YOU GUYS AND CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH . . . YOU ROCK!!!!**

**TILL SUNDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -**


	20. Chapter 19: Fragile

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**

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**_**Chapter 19: Fragile**

we arrived back at the house just as the sun started dancing across the surfaces. It was a sunny day, how very apt for my new enlightenment. I was glad to find Matthew alive; and I was happy that my body had ultimately stopped me. Yet I couldn't stop thinking about how I had attacked Jacob.

Everyone was receptive to me at the house, knowing that some of the burden had been removed made it a little more comfortable to be around me. I wished for the first time that the wolves weren't a blank space in Alice's mind. I was worried about Jacob; now I had seen Matthew alive my perception of things began to get a lot clearer. Jacob would be hurting, I was his imprint, and he had a physical need to be near me. It was the very reason his giving me space was so monumental.

I wouldn't keep him waiting long, it would be cruel, and I just needed some time to prepare myself. I was excited at the prospect of seeing him; but for now my fears far outweighed my excitement. I just needed to think about how I was going to apologize.

I had nothing to fill my days now I had made the decision not to go to school. I didn't even have Jacob to distract me; I did, however, have my friends. I was intrigued by Ara's fascination with me. When I had visited them in Brazil, she had kept her distance from me and I was always sure that she hadn't really liked me all that much. Here though, she spent time close to me, talking to me in her strong accent.

Nahuel and Orion also spent time with me, but it didn't remove the empty feeling left behind by Jacob. It had only been two days since I had seen Matthew alive, but I felt guiltier every minute I was away from him. I had even avoided Anna's calls, unsure of how to explain all of this to her. I knew that I was being unfair, that every one of them had always been nothing but supportive, but I needed this time to get over it, to build some strength up.

I felt breakable and weak, and everyone around me knew it.

Ara and I were watching a movie when she finally picked up on it. I was watching the colors dance across the screen, not really paying attention to what was going on. Jacob, as always, was on my mind. The death dream still ran across my mind on occasion, but it was different, there was no death now.

In this new dream I ran past Matthew immediately, straight into Jacob's waiting arms. His smile was glowing as he peppered my face with butterfly kisses. It was perfect and beautiful, but then he would disappear.

"Nessie, you're confused." Ara's voice pierced through my thoughts bringing me back into realty.

"I'm sorry?" I wasn't sure how she knew that. I had been feigning interest in the movie and working quite hard at it.

Ara sighed and turned in her seat to face me. "Orion has never told you of my gift?"

I looked at her and shook my head. Orion had never mentioned anything except her own gift, I knew most of Orion's history as well, it's why I trusted her so much; but she respected her sibling's privacy. I always just assumed that she was the only one with a talent. It never occurred to me that her sisters would possess anything more than their half blood status.

"Has she or Nahuel ever explained our history?"

"Only bits and pieces." I admitted.

Ara nodded. "Orion, Carina and I all possess talents. She probably didn't tell you why. Our father was very gifted. Not only did he have the beauty and charisma to attract our mothers, he had an even more benevolent gift, with one touch of a woman he could determine whether she would produce a child with talents. He could feel the essence of her, know whether she had the ghost of something that would project into her children."

My eyes widened. I remembered the story Nahuel had told in the clearing the day the Volturi had been there, from what I could tell he didn't have a gift.

"He was sometimes avaricious, and would covet beautiful women for his own pleasure. The offspring of such affiliations would often be born without anything to offer him. He coveted us because we were talented; we had something he wanted, something he could use to his advantage. The other's weren't so fortunate."

"You mean?"

Ara nodded gravely.

"But Nahuel doesn't have a talent."

"No, but he was born a male, an heir to what our father was building. He was also venomous, something none of his female lineage possessed. Even when Nahuel refused to join him, he couldn't destroy him. He was the only son in a long line of daughters, and Carina told us he feared he would have no other son."

"So the three of you have gifts?"

Ara nodded and smiled. "Very unique gifts. Orion, as you know has the gift of precognition, it has its complications but once she has deciphered the symbols, she is rarely wrong. Carina has one of the most terrifying gifts I have ever seen. She can pluck your fears right out of your mind; my father was proud of her, it was a powerful weapon in many of his acquisitions. Once you know someone's fears you can play on that, use it against them. Vampire's don't fear a lot, so this knowledge was precious."

"And you?"

Ara thought carefully before answering, I knew she was trying to form her words. "I am very much like your uncle, Jasper. I can feel emotions . . . no, that's the wrong way to describe it, it's so much more powerful. I can synchronize my emotions with others. I feel what they feel, taste what they taste, and smell what they smell. I cannot manipulate them as Jasper does, I receive; and I cannot project. I absorb them into myself as though, I myself, are experiencing them."

"You mean . . ."

Ara smiled and nodded. "Don't feel embarrassed or guilty. I just wanted you to be aware of that, so when I say I know how you feel, you can translate that as literally." she laughed lightly.

"I'm so sorry; the last couple of days must have been terrible for you."

"No, not at all. More curious, you're emotions are so conflicted. I have never known a love like the one you have. I can feel the elation that fills you when you sit quietly thinking, but it always crashes around you. The guilt is overwhelming. It's quite unusual."

I blushed a little. I had no idea I was sharing my emotions, Jasper had given me space since I started socializing again. I had felt guilty about that, but knowing that Ara felt and sensed everything that ran through me; crushed me.

"I wish you would have told me sooner," I said quietly. "I could have tried to control myself."

"That's the point though, Nessie. I don't want you to; I have never experienced anything like your emotions and sensory elements before. You're memory is so clear and powerful. I am ashamed to admit that when we first arrived, I attuned myself to you quickly. You were the strongest transmission in the house, I was drawn to you; I had never felt anything like the pain you suffered, it was incapacitating. For the first few hours I locked myself in my bedroom and cried." She ran her hand down my arm and smiled at me. "Do not feel guilt; it was refreshing in so many ways. I have never cried like that before, and when I was able to get away from the house and focus; I felt better, exhilarated; alive."

In that one instant I felt a bond with Ara. She had been through all of this with me; she was strong enough to stay attuned to me. I couldn't imagine a reason for her to keep the connection there, but I almost appreciated it. She understood what was tearing me apart; she could feel that just as well as I could. It was almost empowering. I had so many questions.

"Have you ever experienced anything like my draw to Matthew?"

"Is that the boy whose blood you taste?"

I nodded.

"No, never, I have felt thirst and passion from my father. He was always dancing on the line, when he seduced a woman he fought to not feed from her. I could feel that thirst when he returned to us, it was always so painful, and it burned my throat as it did his, but your torture. Never have I felt anything that strong before."

I closed my eyes and tried not to let the memory overcome me. Knowing I didn't kill him didn't stop the reminder of the way his blood tasted in that one second. Ara shuddered lightly.

"I apologize I didn't mean to remind you," she sighed. "On the bright side of all of this are your emotions towards the man you love. Before the guilt crashes onto you, the love you emanate is quite dizzying. I also have never felt something like _that_. You're parents come in a close second, but you're love; it glows."

I smiled as Jacob's smiling face passed through my mind.

"There it is," Ara, giggled, "May I ask who he is?"

"Jacob." I could hear the wistfulness in my voice when I said his name. It was like a cool summer breeze washing over my skin and dancing through my hair.

"Why do I know that name?"

"I'm sure my family have been talking about it." I sighed pulling my legs into my chest. "They're all worried about how long I've been putting this off. I really should call him."

"No I heard Orion and Nahuel talking about him. Was he the one that was with you when you came to Brazil?"

"Yes."

"He was very possessive of you. I remember his emotions well."

I laughed, "That would be Jake."

"You're emotions towards him were not the same then, I remember the love, but it wasn't this consuming."

I shrugged, I couldn't remember not loving Jacob the way I loved him now. Being in Brazil felt like a lifetime ago. I could remember it perfectly, but Ara was right, my love for Jacob was consuming. I doubted I could remember his face without the emotions I felt now.

Ara laughed lightly. "This is the longest you have thought about him without the crushing weight of guilt. It's almost making me hopeful; or is that you?"

I laughed. I supposed I did feel hopeful; knowing that my love hadn't eased for him made the prospect of seeing him more euphoric, it was an all-consuming love and I was elated.

"Maybe it's both of us," I laughed.

"Perhaps." She grinned hopefully.

Orion and Nahuel appeared from the guest bedroom, their curious glances danced over me before their eyes scrutinized their sister. They looked almost wary as they assessed the scene. Ara didn't seem to notice as she focused back on the screen. Her siblings emotions; however they were coming across, didn't seem to shock her at all.

Nahuel moved around the room and sat next to me, his smile was beaming as I kept the one I was wearing. With Jacob on my mind it was hard not to smile. Nahuel took my hand in his and Ara snorted, rolling her eyes. Orion gave her a look before sitting down on her other side.

"It's so nice to hear you laugh Nessie." Nahuel said releasing my hand and glaring at his sister. "We were worried that our appearance was only making things worse"

"I'm sorry I've been so miserable. I'm sure you didn't travel all the way up here to watch me mope."

Orion laughed musically and sat bat in the seat she was occupying. I could see her relaxing more with the shift in my mood. Beforehand, her eyes had been on her sister. I couldn't decipher what she was doing but I gave up even trying to understand. These three had been family longer than some of my family had been alive.

"Do you want to go do something?" I asked hopeful, maybe getting out of the house would help. I was being a terrible host.

"I'm in." Ara's voice rang out in the room; it was full of her enthusiasm.

"I think it would be good to get out." Orion agreed, winking at me once.

Nahuel nodded and smiled. The awkward feeling that always plagued me around him was returning. I didn't realize how emotionally cut off I had been lately. Ara's peeling laughed broke the silence. She picked up my hand and pulled me out of my seat.

"Where shall we go?" she sang quietly.

"We could go to Lake Shannon. It'll be empty around this time of the year. It's really beautiful. Well, so I've heard."

We agreed as a group to venture out of Darrington for the day, everyone was in school so there was no fear of running into the crowd that normally drove out to the lake. I felt comfortable in my present company, and the fresh air would help me. I was hoping the fresh air would help me gain the courage and perspective I had been looking for.

We took the Volvo to the lake, it only took us just over fifteen minutes to get there. I drove much like the rest of my family, and the winding roads of Washington State were relatively quiet at this tome of the year. The lot we parked in was nearly empty, it was by and old mill that had long since been abandoned and we made our way to the water slowly. It wasn't completely empty but we still had our privacy. I was looking forward to the freedom of just running. Taking off into the trees somewhere, it was easier here.

I had never come here with Jacob, so there was never any reason to mull over his absence. I had decided I would drive over and see him on Saturday, Billy would be fishing, and I was sure Rachel and Paul would be out. It would give us some time to talk without being interrupted. The only problem was; it was Thursday, and I didn't know if I could wait two more days to see him.

My talk with Ara had put everything into perspective for me. She had noticed the strength of the bond between us, even when I was simply pining for him. We were made for one another I just needed to be more careful. All I needed from him was a promise to not put himself in a position like that again. If I was being honest I didn't even really need that, I just needed him.

"Nessie, come on." Nahuel's voice broke through my thoughts and brought me back into the present. The three of them had taken off into the forest, running past the old mill quickly, dodging through the trees as they moved. I laughed at my absentmindedness before taking off after them at full speed.

I didn't know what entertainment we would find out here, but it was nice to escape myself for an afternoon. I followed them as they ran parallel to the lake, the forest thickened and the wildlife grew louder, there was no chance a human would wander this far out, so we knew we had this area to ourselves.

"Who's up for a swim?" Ara shouted sliding to a stop and approaching the shore. The water looked like glass, undisturbed and still as far as the eye could see. There was a small beach about a half-mile in front of us and I knew that it was what had given her the idea.

Ara didn't wait for an answer and took off towards the open space. It was beautiful, it had to be about a mile wide and it cut into the forest. Jagged rocks framed the edges. The canopy of trees reached across the space. It was beautiful and completely untouched.

Nahuel and Orion looked at one another, then at me; it was easy to see that these two were the levelheaded ones in their small family. I wasn't in the mood to be level headed, so I grinned, and took off after Ara as fast as I could.

I came sliding to a stop on the rocky sand mixture that coated the floor of the small clearing; dead branches lined the edges and floated motionless in the water. I was in awe, it was beautiful; the perfect place to set up a fire and camp out. I mentally mapped it out and locked it away. There was someone I wanted to share this with.

"Snap out of it, Nessie." Ara threw her t-shirt at me as she stripped down to her underwear and ran into the calm water. Her movement caused ripples to flow out into the lake; they grew as they picked up more momentum.

I stood frozen, my mind danced around the idea as Ara dived under the dark mirror of water. The cold air wouldn't affect me, neither would the freezing water; there really was nothing stopping me, I needed to learn to let go, especially when I was with people like me. Ara resurfaced a little way out in the water.

"Come on Nessie, live a little," she laughed, kicking her legs and laughing.

I dropped her shirt on a random rock and stripped down to my underwear. Orion and Nahuel were just arriving in the clearing as I sped past them and leapt towards Ara. The water felt wonderful as my body breached the surface, it ran against my skin, and saturated my hair as glided deeper into the abyss. I swam a little way out before resurfacing.

Orion and Nahuel were already in the water. I hadn't realized how far out I'd swam.

I kicked my legs until I was floating on the surface. The clouds were dark and flowed around in intricate shapes and patterns, I watched them as the floated overhead towards the west. My body rocked on the surface gently as the others made their way out to me.

Ara's hand flashed across the surface of the water, spraying me with a thousand droplets. I flicked my wrist to spray her back but caught Nahuel instead. His eyes darkened and a devious smile crossed over his lips, he pulled on my legs and unbalanced me from my floating. An inevitable water fight ensued. The sounds of the splashes, mingled with our laughter echoed back to us from the trees.

I felt lighter than I had in over a week, but there was still the void that dragged me under when I thought about Jacob. I tried to just live in the moment and enjoy the here and now, but my subconscious craved his touch.

We were all swimming and splashing. Nahuel was throwing his sisters into deeper water as they tried to attack him. Ara landed next to me and resurfaced with a laugh.

"Come on Nessie, I need your help. You go behind him, and I will try from the from front." I k new she could feel the confusion running throughout me but she was trying to help and I appreciated it.

I nodded and tried to look inconspicuous as I approached Nahuel. I was swimming casually towards the shore, keeping my eyes on Ara. She nodded once and swam quickly towards her brother. I followed suit and came from behind.

Nahuel had been expecting this, he moved quickly, scooping Ara from the water and projecting her into deeper water. I tried to escape but his arms locked around my waist and pulled me to him.

"Not so quickly, Nessie. What were you planning to do?"

"Nothing," I laughed kicking my legs in an effort to escape.

"Wrong answer," he laughed plucking me out of the water and throwing me in the same direction as Ara.

I landed in the water with a large splash; I sank low; I kicked my legs until I resurfaced. It had felt strange to have someone else hold me similar to the way Jacob always had. It bothered me but I knew I was once again being irrational. Ara swam towards me smiling.

"It's not a crime to have fun. Stop feeling so conflicted and just enjoy this," she laughed. "I can feel how Nahuel's touch bothers you, but it feels no different than the way he throws us."

"You can feel what I feel?"

Ara smiled and nodded.

"Remind me to stay away from you when Jacob's around." I laughed.

Ara giggled and shook her head, "You're a fascinating creature Renesmee."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"You should," She laughed again and swam towards where her brother and sister were twisting in attempts to push the other under. I sighed and followed.

We spent a couple of hours in the water, it felt good to laugh, being so light hearted had cemented my decision to talk to Jacob. I knew we could get past this; he'd already forgiven me for what I'd done to him. I just needed to forgive myself. I stayed focused on Saturday, knowing that I wouldn't have an audience as I explained my reaction to him. He would understand; he always understood.

I made my way to the beach as the others continued their attempts to sabotage one another. I sat on one of the smooth rocks and watched as I let myself dry a little. My parents wouldn't appreciate me getting the leather in the car wet.

Nahuel was the next out; I was still watching as Orion and Ara swam and ducked around one another. Laughing as they grabbed and came up empty handed. I ran my hand through my hair trying to keep as many tangles as possible from forming as it dried.

I looked up again and found Nahuel's gaze lingering on me; his eyes were unusually dark and I immediately identified the look they held. This discomfort was immediate; I wasn't sure how to react. I wanted to cover myself, I felt too undressed.

"Nahuel," Ara's voice rang out from the water, but she was beside him in a second. His eyes moved from me to her immediately and I took the opportunity to put my clothes back on.

Nahuel looked uncomfortable as his sister's glare zoomed in on him. She spouted some things in Portuguese before moving to my side, picking up her own clothes. I understood the words, but the speed in which she spoke, had my mind falling over itself.

"Idiot," she mumbled pulling on her t-shirt.

I didn't want that one moment to spoil the afternoon and tried to shrug it off. I smiled half-heartedly at Ara and Nahuel; but Ara wasn't buying it of course; she dressed quickly and looped her arm through mine.

"We'll be at the car." she shouted and pulled me in the direction we had come from. I knew the moment we were out of earshot because she started talking.

"Nessie, I apologize for my brothers lack of tact. He forgets his manners sometimes. I'm sure you're aware that you are the only one of our kind we've come across that isn't related by blood. It's hard for him to remember that."

"I overreacted." I sighed. "I'm not used to that from any one other than Jacob."

"Nessie; you know how attuned I am to you. There's really no need to justify your reactions. I felt it, and I didn't like it either." she laughed.

"I'm sorry," I laughed awkwardly. I knew it must be hard to feel the way I felt when it was your brother that was creating it.

"I do wish you would stop apologizing. Do you wish me to speak with him about it?"

"No," I was horrified at the idea. It would make things so awkward. Nahuel was my friend, and as uncomfortable as I had been I knew it would blow over and go back to the way it was. If Ara said something about it to him I was sure it would just be more awkward. I didn't want to lose my friend over a small misunderstanding.

Ara laughed playfully. "You might be right, he has a way of over reacting to situations."

"It was just a misunderstanding."

Ara snorted and raised her eyebrows, I knew she felt my confusion at her reaction but she dropped the subject. I doubted I would get an answer if I asked.

"You seem calmer now," she said thoughtfully. "Have you decided to see Jacob?"

I laughed; I couldn't help myself. It was strange someone deciphering my emotions this way.

"Yes, I'm going on Saturday. He'll be alone, and I think it's better that way; it'll be easier to talk."

Ara nodded and smiled. "Then we shall keep you occupied until then."

"I think I'm going to need it." I sighed.

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**A/N: It's Sunday :) I made it!! Although I didn't send it to my Beta (My fault, I ran out of time!!) After this story ends (You have a while yet but I am at chapter 37) I am co-authoring a story with goldentemptress who is writing a fanfiction called New Moon Rising; a Nessie/Jacob pairing. It's awesome. It's a AH story called _Socks For Sex_, it'll be rated M. First AH so when we post I would love y'all opinion. I will also be writing a sequel to Infinite. :)**

**The song for this chapter is FRAGILE by Megan McCauley, as always you can listen to it on my website; there's a link on my profile :)**

**Thank you to Orioncat; sorry I procrastanated so long and didn't get this to you. It's probably full of mistakes. :( Vicki, thanks for everything; like I said, the next will be a sequel to Infinite, I really don't want to die at the hands of you and my sister :)**

**Thank you for all the alerts and Faves. Oh . . . and to the REVIEWERS, WHO ARE SERIOUSLY THE MOST WONDERFUL PEOPLE ROAMING THE FACE OF THIS PLANET, I LOVE YOU GUYS AND YOUR ROCK!!!**

**SEE YOU TUESDAY - MUCH LOVE, BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	21. Chapter 20: Stupid

_**All things Twilight belong to the awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

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**_**Chapter 20: Stupid **

My parents were happy to see my mood elevation when we returned. The small incident on the shore of the lake had been forgotten.

It had been a little uncomfortable at first when Nahuel and Orion had caught up, but by the time we arrived back at the house, things were finally back to normal. The awkwardness a distant memory.

We were all hungry by the time we arrived home, Orion and Ara were following Esme around the kitchen as she cooked, eager to learn her secrets. I was sat at the table with Nahuel. We watched them, laughing as they constantly got in Esme's way. She would smile politely and continue but I could see her frustration.

Feeling more exhausted than I had in days, I trenched off to bed after I ate. I took a hot shower and pulled on some comfortable sweats before climbing into the large bed; that, by this point, was calling to me. I heard someone dancing down the hall and smiled. I made my way over to the door and pulled it open, knowing this was where she was heading. Ara held up some junk food she'd pulled from the kitchen, she looked proud of herself.

"Found some contraband." she laughed, sliding in my room. "One of the television shows I watched said people like comfort food."

I laughed and headed towards the bed, pulling Ara along with me. I knew this was her way of distracting me, she'd turned out to be a good friend to have. Her emotional connection to me helped. My ups and downs were probably enough to confuse most people , but Ara seemed prepared and willing to go through it, so I tried to stop the guilt that came with it.

We sat on the bed and picked at some of the junk she'd taken from the kitchen, an old movie was playing on one of the thousands of channels we had readily available. My eyelids grew heavier with each second as I watched the pictures flicker across the screen. I fell back into the bed and tried to continue watching, but the war with my eyelids was one sided. I really wasn't putting up much of a fight.

When I woke up the next morning, Ara was laying on the other side of the large bed breathing rhythmically, between us was a small pile of half eaten junk. Wrappers and crumbs littered the comforter. I picked up the remote and clicked off the TV that was quietly playing away to itself.

I felt rested, and awake, there was no longer a cloud hanging over me. The decision I had made to speak to Jacob seemed to alleviate and residual pain or confusion I had been feeling. I was hopeful and optimistic about the future again.

I still feared the conversation we would have to have, and I knew I would have to apologize for the pain I had caused him by keeping him away. I had no doubt that he would forgive me though. Thinking about him brought his face to the forefront of my memory. The emotional explosion inside of me was full of euphoria and relief.

"Have you changed your mind?" Ara's voice made me jump, I hadn't heard the change in her breathing.

"Excuse me?" I laughed; spinning to look at her.

"Have you changed your mind? Will you be seeing Jacob today?"

"Why do you say that?"

Ara smiled. "I can feel the surge of joy running through you, it's very relaxing and comforting."

"No I'm still planning on tomorrow, I want to hunt before I go."

Ara concentrated a little and then looked at me quizzically. "You're not thirsty, I would feel that."

"I just want to make sure everything is taken care of. I don't need it but it won't hurt."

Ara nodded and fell back into the pillows, her eyes fluttered closed again. I laughed quietly and left the room. I hated hunting alone and I was hoping I would find someone to come with me. I made my way down to the kitchen where Nahuel was sat at the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal.

"Morning,"

"Morning, Nessie."

"Where is everyone?"

"Around I think, they've been in and out all morning."

"Sounds like my family." I laughed, pulling out the chair across from him.

"Were you looking for anybody in particular?"

"No; not really. I was just planning to go hunting, I was looking for some company."

"I could come with you if you'd like."

I wasn't really sure if it was the best idea, even after yesterday's little conflict had been resolved. I wasn't stupid enough to not realize that Nahuel liked me a little more than I was comfortable with. He sat silently waiting for my answer. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and accept his offer. I hoped he would translate my reaction yesterday and understand that is was only friendship I wanted from him. I wasn't sure which of his sisters diets he was attuned with, but it was company.

"You don't mind?"

"Of course not." Nahuel picked up his bowl and walked towards the sink.

"I'll go get dressed then." I stood up and headed out of the kitchen.

It was a typical day for Darrington and the pacific northwest. The heavy rain clouds hung low over the mountains dropping a constant flutter of rain onto the trees. The canopy above sheltered us from most of the water, but a few stray drops penetrated the leafy cover. It made the ground damp and thick.

Nahuel and I kept pace as we headed up one of the closest mountains. I knew where most of the herds grazed, and without the push of my thirst I took my time. The hunting opportunities were abounding, it wouldn't take me long to stumble on something if I missed an opportunity. It was one of the perks here.

I could hear a herd of deer grazing in a clearing left by the loggers, so I diverted my course. Nahuel moved fluently with me, but it was still awkward compared to the flowing synchronicity of Jacob and I. As I came closer to the break in the trees I lowered myself into my hunting stance, Nahuel slowed and let me take the lead.

I burst through the trees and my eyes found the largest in the small herd, he wasn't hard to spot, I could hear his weight shifting as they took off. I darted through the slower deer and the infants. My actions confused them and they scattered fanning out in different directions. The slowed as soon as they were out of reach, but continued into the shelter of the trees.

I was closing in on my quarry, his heart was pounding as he sprang over discarded trunks. He was so graceful it was almost a shame to take him down. I sprang quickly, my legs vaulting me into the air. My teeth sank through the tissue on his neck before he'd even hit the ground. The blood eased down my throat touching the slight burn that had started when I had caught wind of them. I drained him quickly and sprang at one of the other animals as they sprinted past me.

I took what I needed from the herd and nothing more. I didn't like to waste life, these deer would sustain us for generations and we needed to be conscientious of the environment surrounding us. I cleared up after myself and looked around to see Nahuel sitting patiently on the stump of a once large and well grown spruce.

"You're quite graceful when you hunt Nessie." he said laughing.

"You've obviously never seen my parents hunting." I laughed in return, sitting on a random trunk that had a relatively new layer of moss spreading across it. My parents worked together when they hunted, taking in turns to fall back and spring forward as the worked. It was an intricate dance they had perfected over the years, and it was quite amazing to watch.

Nahuel smiled and got up, he took a seat next to me on the trunk. It made me nervous but I didn't say anything or move; I was hoping not to offend him. Still, a small part of me still wanted to create some distance between us. After the last couple of interactions it was obvious that he had something on his mind.

"I was hoping we could talk," he started taking a deep breath. "I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"Nahuel, there's really no need . . ."

"Please, let me finish." he said interrupting me. He picked up my hand and his teak eyes met mine. "I know that you will never feel the same way as I feel about you. I came to terms with that long ago. I know I make you uncomfortable at times and for that I am truly sorry. You have to understand though, I have always been intrigued by you. I would promise that it would never happen again, but I cannot promise you what is beyond my control. I will however promise that I will only ever try to be your friend."

I let out the breath I was holding and sucked in another. This was more awkward than I could have possibly imagined. I had never considered Nahuel in any way other than a friend, hearing his confession did nothing other than confuse that friendship. I was Jacob's with every inch of my heart and soul, I could never look at anyone with the same eyes that I saw him through. More than that, I couldn't apologize for loving him. I wasn't sure what to say to Nahuel. I decided the truth was probably the most direct path.

"I'm flattered Nahuel, really I am; but I can't offer you an apology or a promise. I loved Jacob long before I had taken my first breath. There was always a connection between us. I can't even begin to describe how deeply my love runs. I can never offer you anything other than friendship. So if your offer comes with a stem of hope that something may change in the future, it would only be fair to let you know that nothing will ever change when it comes to Jacob and I. We were made for one another."

Nahuel laughed lightly. "I understand what you're saying, and I can only hope that I will find something close to what you have with Jacob. He's very lucky to have you, Nessie. I hope he understands that."

"I think I'm the lucky one," I laughed gently. "There aren't many men would forgive what I did."

"You'd be surprised." Nahuel laughed; he released my hand and stood up from the tree.

I wasn't sure how to act. My eyes were trained on the ground watching a small bug travel over the exposed dirt. I found myself wishing that I'd agreed to Ara's offer, maybe this uncomfortable conversation would never have been brought up. I could see he was making an effort, and when he'd been talking to me and I'd been able to maintain eye contact, I could see it wasn't exactly what he wanted to say. It was almost as though he'd changed his mind.

"Are you ready to go back to the house?" I was afraid that he would leave. Selfishly, I didn't want him to; I knew our friendship could get past this.

"Are you finished already?" he asked surprised. He turned to look at me.

"How much more do you think I could fit in here?" I asked patting my stomach. "And anyway, your sister fed me junk food last night in an attempt to distract me."

Nahuel smiled, "Ara can be persuasive,"

"No persuasion needed." I laughed standing up.

"Did she eat herself into a coma?"

I laughed out loud, the sound was finally resembling my own. I nodded gleefully. It seemed Nahuel knew his sisters well. "I think she was awake long after I fell asleep, the mess on the bed was substantially larger than the one I remembered."

"She'll be out cold for hours." he said shaking his head with feigned disgust. "Come, let us return to your house and torment her."

I laughed at that. I could imagine Ara being quite a handful when she was upset. As calm and understanding as she had been with me, I knew that she could be as tenacious as Rosalie if the occasion called for it.

We walked back to the house, I had no reason to rush, I wanted the day to go by as quickly as possible. It was going to be impossibly slow knowing I would get the chance to see Jacob tomorrow. I needed to waste as much time as possible so I could just go to bed and wake up again.

I was starting to think that I should just go today, there was a chance that the rest of his family would be home, but it would be worth it just to be close to him. I missed him more with every passing second.

Loving him was as easy as breathing, it was something that never went away, even when I had tried to push it away, hold it at a distance. The bond between us was too deep and it really was pointless to put off seeing him any longer. I needed him.

I blew out all of the air I was holding in my lungs. This was ridiculous, as soon as I got home I would get in my car and drive over there. I couldn't wait ten minutes, let alone a day to see him. The realization brought a smile to my face and a spring to my step. I refused to wait anymore.

The forest was quiet as we made our way through it, the rain was beginning to fall harder on the canopy; the barrage of drops began penetrating the natural cover above us. My hair stuck to my cheeks and my clothes clung to my body uncomfortably. My boots were sloshing with water as I walked, I would imagine this would be miserable if I was human. As it was, there was no discomfort as I strolled through the woods, mainly because of my new found happiness. I wouldn't rush Nahuel, but I was impatient to get home. I had to add changing clothes to my list now, I was drenched.

"What are you so happy about?" Nahuel asked raising his eyebrows.

"I've made a decision."

"About?"

"Jacob," I sighed." I've decided I can't wait another day. I'm going to see him today." I knew it was cruel to admit this after his small profession to me, but I wasn't going to lie or deny my own feelings.

Nahuel forced a smile, I knew he was trying so I didn't call him out on the weakness of his effort. His honesty had brought clarity with it. Seeing him react to this; brought back every memory I had of Nahuel when I spoke of Jacob, knowing what I knew now, I could see the shadow of pain and hurt that danced around his face.

"I think you need to, you've been bouncing around for days now. I think giving yourself a deadline was a bad idea."

"You know what they say . . ." I grinned.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder?"

I smiled, "I was actually going to say that the road to happiness is paved with self delusion."

Nahuel choked out a laugh and pulled my hand into his. "Let's not keep the man waiting then."

He took off quickly, picking up my hand and pulling me behind him. I couldn't help but laugh; it really seemed as though he was trying to make an effort. We sped through the woods laughing hand in hand, the rain became heavier the faster we ran, my hair was wrapped around my neck, stuck to me with the damp. I didn't care; I was euphoric, I was going to see Jacob.

We wove through the trees quickly laughing as we had to squeeze through tight spaces. Our footing, had we been human, would have been precarious, but as it was we moved fluidly. The landscape surrounding us turned into a green blur as we raced past it.

My heart was lighter than it had been in a while. The prospect of seeing Jacob was making me strangely euphoric. I was stupid to have waited this long; I was stupid to have pushed him away at all. Yes, I had been traumatized; but Jacob was always the one that would help me through that.

Nahuel pulled me into his side when we got closer to the house, we were both tearing through the forest at top speed, and there were two trees ahead of us relatively close together. Being tucked under his arm ensured our success of making it through the two without hitting it, we broke through the trees and I skidded to a stop.

A familiar smell hit me hard as I dug my heels into the mud, Nahuel still had his arms around my waist, and the look Jacob was wearing told me what he was thinking. My mind screamed no as I saw his face crumple slightly.

I stared at him, feeling awkward. I wanted to run into his arms and litter his face with kisses but the look he was wearing told me he wouldn't be receptive to a move like that. His eyes were burning holes through the arms that were still wrapped around me.

I was frozen in shock. I couldn't even to move and step from Nahuel's embrace. My heart was reaching out to the man I loved and I was stood in the pouring rain just staring at him. His eyes moved to my face and back to my waist again. I willed my feet to move me forward but fear had welded me in place. Could he really believe something other than friendship was going on here?

The pain etched on his face and the growl in his throat told me yes. Without a word, he spun around and walked towards his car. Seeing his back unfroze me and let the pain flood my body.

"Jacob," I screamed his name as my heart wrenched in my chest.

He didn't stop, he didn't turn; he got into his car and revved the engine. It whined under the growl. His dark eyes were black with fury as he stomped on the gas and reversed, he didn't stop to throw into drive, he did it in the middle of reversing, the car spluttered and jumped forward. The faded red disappeared down the drive concealed quickly by the surrounding trees.

My heart leapt from my body knocking me into action. He had the wrong idea. How could he think that way? I ran towards the house as quickly as my legs would carry me. The rain was torrential even for Darrington, but the speed in which I moved ensured I kept my footing. Nahuel was behind me in a second, but it didn't matter to me, nothing mattered but Jacob.

I leapt up the stairs and burst through the door into the house.

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**A/N: So, she did see Jacob LOL; I know I am cruel, cruel, cruel! What can I say . . . actually nothing because it would give stuff away LOL.**

**It's funny, I know I keep saying this, but authors notes get so difficult when I know what's going to happen because I risk saying something that will give everything away, then you have absolutely no reason to come back lol. and thank you to **_lovethetwilightgurl11_** for her comments on the music. You have great taste in Music chick LOL ;) . . . That being said the song for this chapter is STUPID by Sarah McLachlan; I don't have a lot of her music but this song really inspired this chapter as the next one inspired that chapter; if you haven't heard it you can listen to most of the songs . . . up to chapter 35 (I think) on my website; there's a link on my profile or my penname (dot) com :)**

**Thank you to my Beta orioncat; she rocks, this chapter isn't beta'd so be gentle. Thank you to Vicki who keeps me sane! She proof reads chapters for me and she's a gread sounding board for bouncing ideas from, she's also kept me sane when I lose my train of thought on this story. So yeah cocktails all around; or coffee, whichever :)**

**Thanks for the alerts and faves, and THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHOM I LOVE; BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS MAKE MY DAY, MY MONTH AND MY YEAR . . . TOO MUCH? OK, YOU ROCK!!!**

**SEE YA ON THURSDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	22. Chapter 21: Seconds Away

_**All things Twilight belong to the awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

_**

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**_**Chapter 21: Seconds Away  
**

I didn't take the time to see who was even in the house as I breezed through; I had one goal- I needed to catch Jacob. I slid to a stop near the cabinet where I kept my keys. I almost lost my footing completely as I fought to stop on the hardwood floors. I should have felt guilty that I was dripping water everywhere, it pooled at my feet as my clothes dripped steadily; but the only thought pounding around my mind was Jacob. His name kept in time with the water that dropped from me.

I rifled through all of the things in the drawer looking for the keys. My hands slid around in the drawer, my hands were making a calamitous noise as I shoved things out of the way.

"WHERE ARE THEY?" I was shouting now, on the verge of tears - tears of anger, tears of rage. I was stupid and inconsiderate. I didn't deserve him but I _would_ get him back. I'd never felt more adamant about anything in my life. I was so selfish. It took a misunderstanding that probably shattered him into a thousand fragmented pieces to see what I knew all along.

"Ness," I could hear the concern in my mom's words but I ignored it. She didn't even try to approach me in my hastened movements; I just needed my keys. I stopped rifling and took a deep breath, focusing myself. I was accomplishing nothing in my panic. I pushed some things aside slowly hoping that slowing it down would work.

"Ah ha." I pulled them out, slammed the drawer shut and took off towards the door again. Nahuel was stood like a wall in front of me, blocking my path. I was desperate to talk to Jacob, and if Nahuel thought for a minute I wouldn't go through him was mistaken. It was not the right time to stand in my way and he was the last person in the world that should be doing it.

"Nessie, he looked pretty angry. Maybe you should wait."

"Are you insane? That wasn't anger that was pain. Pain I created. Move Nahuel."

He stayed steadfast on the spot. I felt the growl build inside of me; it ripped from my chest filling the room as it bounced from the walls. I lowered my body and I moved to charge at him but I didn't need to, my mom pulled him out of the way and eyed me wildly.

"Go Nessie," I could have kissed her but I didn't have time. I needed to get to Jacob.

I pushed the door out of my way and jumped down the steps of the porch, and into the pouring rain. I was still soaking so the water that fell from the sky and pounded against my already saturated body didn't bother me. I just wanted to get to Jacob. My feet slapped against the pools of water in the drive as I ran to the garage at full speed. I had wasted precious minutes in the house and didn't have anymore time to waste.

I entered the code on the side of the garage, but the doors weren't opening quickly enough, I stepped forward and pushed them up in my frustration. The motor on the door stuttered and whined, but I didn't have a second of thought for it. I would probably pay for this when I got home but it meant nothing. My life meant nothing until I made this right.

I climbed in my car and turned the key hard; the engine screamed at the abuse I was giving it. I threw it into reverse and flew out of the dry garage and into the pouring rain and slammed on the brakes. The wet ground made the car slide out ten feet screaming as it glided over the water. I didn't wait for it to stop and slammed it into drive hammering on the gas.

The tires screamed against the asphalt and fought to find their grip. The back of the car slid side to side as they finally found their tread. I shot down the drive knowing there was a chance I could catch him. The rush of green I could see told me I was going too fast but I didn't care. I needed to get to him. I pulled out of the drive and turned the hard left. The car slid to the other side of the road before I could correct it properly, the tires screamed again as I floored the gas pedal.

A car coming in the opposite direction honked their horn but the sound floated out behind me barely having time to reach my ears as I took off towards the direction I knew Jacob was. I hoped he'd gone home. I hope he hadn't had the same reaction as he had before my parents wedding and took off.

He wouldn't do that. No, he couldn't. He was an Alpha. He couldn't abandon his pack. He would have to stay, wouldn't he?

The water cascaded from under the car as the rain pelted the windshield. I turned on the wipers as fast as they could go and maneuvered around any car that stood between me and my goal. As fast as I was going I couldn't see the Rabbit anywhere. Jacob must have been angry to drive like that in the rain. I knew he would have no patience for the ferry so I took the turning that led towards Seattle. He would need the drive to calm his anger.

I could almost see his body trembling as he gripped the steering wheel. His knuckles would be white as he tried to control his temper. To think I had caused this. I had to fix it, I needed to fix it. He had to know how much I loved him; that I would only ever pick him. How could he doubt me?

I hardly took in the city as I drove through it. The traffic was so heavy. A glance at the clock told me it was rush hour. I was getting more frustrated so I took to the shoulder and blew past the cars that were almost at a standstill. I took it a little slower knowing that any given car could pull out in front of me. I reached the other side of the city and stepped on it again, the engine growled as I pressed down on the gas.

I could see the mountains rushing towards me as I motored on. The trees grew thick again and I felt safer as I weaved through the traffic. I glanced at the speedometer the needle was pressed against the far right of the dial bobbing gently around the numbers that read one hundred sixty. I took a deep breath knowing that this was the fastest I had ever asked my car to go. I prayed it would keep it up.

I could see the coast flying past the window. The waves beat upon the shore as the storm raged on around me. It was like the blackness was following me, torturing me for what I had done. The rain was still relentless as I pushed my car as fast and hard as it would go. My head was pounding against my skull as the picture of his face scanned across my eyes. There had been so much pain etched on his face, his eyes had been almost unreadable. I had never seen them that way.

I hoped I wasn't too late. I hoped he would listen to me. My foot came off of the gas at the prospect. What if he didn't forgive me? What if he honestly believed this misunderstanding was real? I wanted to make plans for that. I wanted to stop the hope before it started. He had to believe me, and I wouldn't give up until he did.

I pressed down on the gas again and felt the car push me back into my seat. My heart pounded in my chest the closer I got to La Push. I could smell the salt as it blew in from the sea. It faded in and out until it was gone completely. I wove easily through the freeways until I got to Forks. I hoped Charlie wasn't on duty. It passed my mind only as I slid around the corner and headed towards La Push.

The salt air became stronger again as I closed in on the coast. I hoped he would be here. I was close to crossing my fingers as I sped over the old treaty line into La Push. I rounded a corner and pressed down on the brakes, I could see the small coastal community splayed out before me. The small houses dotting the horizon.

I turned onto the street I needed and stamped on the brakes outside the small red house. The rain was still pounding against the car. I knew I was a mess. My hair had dried but it still stuck to me, my clothes were wrinkled and hard against my skin. Not that it mattered. All I needed was for Jacob to look at me, and listen. Above everything else I hoped he would listen to me.

I got out and stared at the house. I had done this. I had selfishly taken so much time to get over my own fears, and now he believed that I had given up on him. If only he knew how impossible that was. My hair became saturated quickly along with my clothes. The rain pounded down on me until I could feel it against my skin as my clothes absorbed the water.

I could hear his heart beating inside the house. I knew he was home. Water poured down my face from my hairline mingling with my tears. I stood for a while longer trying to arrange my thoughts. I was soaked through again but I didn't care, I just wanted to see his face. I tried to breathe but my body shuddered against the command.

I took the first step forward and marched towards the house, hoping that my anger at his insinuations would win out over my pain of being doubted it would give me the strength I needed to do this. It was a long shot because the only person I blamed was myself- none of this was Jacob's fault. Yes, he had made an assumption, but when I put myself in his place, I would have done the same thing.

I hammered on the door and stood back. The overhang of the porch poured streams of water down my spine. My hair clung against me as I waited. There was a soft shifting inside. The water covered every inch of me and pooled in my boots.

"Leah, I told you to stay away." Jake growled from inside. How had he not heard the car?

"It's not Leah. Jake, it's me." I whispered.

I took a deep breath and waited, listening to the incoherent mumbling. I could hear the confusion in his tones though. I could only imagine what he was saying. He hadn't moved yet and I was beginning to wonder if he would answer the door. Then I heard his heart pick up and the groan of the small couch that I could picture perfectly. There were only three strides to the door.

The door flew open and he stood looking broken in front of me. I could see the hurt I had caused him and my heart tried to leap from my chest in an act of suicide. What had I done? His eyes were dark, thick rings of purple framed each one. His copper skin was almost chalky. I could feel the trembles running through me.

"Jake." My voice cracked as I attempted to swallow back my tears.

"What do you want, Renesmee?"

I looked at him and tried not to flinch from the pain. Even in the drive over here I hadn't thought of a brilliant retort to that question. I hadn't thought of anything but getting to him. I had my answer though. I knew the answer more than anything in this one moment.

"You."

The confusion passed across Jacob's face, partnered with the doubt. I could see the internal battle behind his eyes as he processed the one word I had for him. I was finding it hard to breathe. I hadn't considered his rejection. He had every right to slam the door in my face.

We stood just staring at one another a mere three feet apart. I wanted to reach out to him, my entire body pulled towards him, but I couldn't. This had to be his choice. I could feel the calm wash over me just being in his presence and the thought of losing that forever finally hit me. My eyes connected with his and I tried to form the words I needed to say to him, but I never got the chance.

Jacob's arms reached out over the small space easily and he pulled me to him. I slammed into him and his lips caught mine. There was so much aggression behind his lips, but I melted into him. My hands wrapped themselves into his hair holding him to me, and my body formed around his. I couldn't get close enough. I pressed against him standing on my toes. His hands wrapped themselves around my neck as his lips parted and his tongue brushed against mine.

The action sent my mind into a twirling frenzy, my tongue pressed against his as I slid it onto his mouth. Jacob pushed me hard against the doorframe his body leaning down into mine pressing me against the weak wood. It groaned under his pressure.

My lips formed around his bottom lip and I dug my teeth into the skin there. There wasn't enough pressure to break the skin but there was enough pressure for him to feel it. He growled and his tongue found its way into my mouth again. I couldn't help the moan that escaped me. The feeling was what I had been waiting for and it took me over with more force than I was prepared for. I pushed him away and his body crashed into the wood on the opposite side. The fervor and heat that surrounded this kiss was monumental.

My hands began working their way through his hair, and my lungs screamed for air. The last thing I wanted was to break this kiss, but my body overruled me and I threw my head back to drag in air. Jacob didn't stop. His hot lips moved along my jaw to my collar and down to my throat, his arms moved to my waist pulling my body against his. My hands moved from his hair to his shoulders.

Jacob dipped and pulled me up. Instinctively my legs wrapped themselves around his waist. Jacob growled and his lips made their way back to mine. The perfect synchronization was euphoric, his hands moved to under me, wrapping themselves around my thighs. My hips rocked against him and a soft moan escaped his lips.

The sound motivated me more than anything I had ever encountered. My chest exploded and my heart pounded within me. I rocked against him again, every muscle in my body locked up in a wave of pleasure. I trembled against him and deepened the kiss as much as I could. We were molded together.

Jacob took a step into the house and kicked the door closed. It slammed against the frame with such a force the entire house rattled around us. Jacob took a step and stumbled over something, but I didn't have the strength to pull away from him. I lifted myself in his arms and pressed as much of myself as I could against him, soft moans now pouring from me.

The sound seemed to make Jacob's urgency take away from his usual grace. I heard the crunch of the bone in his foot as he kicked the couch. It never broke our kiss but he growled and his arms worked their way up my back, his lips picking up a newer fervor as they pressed against mine.

My tongue danced against his lips again. He tasted so much better than I remembered. I was panting for breath around his lips and at any other time I would have been embarrassed but like everything else our breathing was perfectly synchronized.

Jacob pressed me up against the wall next to his bedroom door and one of his hands released me. I hissed at the loss and I could feel the smile of Jacob's lips around mine. His door banged open and he pulled us through kicking the door closed behind him.

His lips pulled away from mine and it took me a second to open my eyes, the lust had taken complete control of me. I was having trouble developing a single thought other than Jacob and his hands. I finally let my eyes flutter open, my chest was heaving with my desperate attempt to store oxygen so I wouldn't need to breathe.

Jacob's eyes were burning under the surface. The deep brown was almost molten lava under the lashes that framed his eyes. Catching my breath was an errant thought, I was breathless. Jacob was breathtaking like this. I knew I never wanted anything but him. My world was anchored to him. My happiness was his; my pain was his pain as his was mine. I never wanted to be away from him again.

"Nessie," Jacob growled my name. He was trying to form a coherent thought but the time for that was passed. I didn't want to think anymore, I didn't want anything other than to be in his arms like this. His hands were like a fire branding every inch of my skin.

I leaned forward and took his bottom lip between mine and sucked, knowing what this would do to him. He tried to move away from me again but I won. I knew the second his moan filled the space in his small room. I growled and worked my body up his until his head was leaned all the way back. I was leaned over him, his bottom lip captive between the two of mine. I pulled on it gently and let go, pressing my lips against his. He opened his lips and welcomed my tongue with his as it passed over his lips.

Jacob lowered us to the bed slowly and I felt the mattress under my knees. I pushed his chest forcefully until he fell back. I followed him down, never breaking the kiss. His hands moved to my hips and locked around them. I let my body move naturally against his. His hands squeezed around them as his breath fell from him in one rush. It washed over me as I let my lips wander to his jaw. I couldn't keep my body still, as I worked down to his neck.

Every inch of my body was on fire now and my body trembled against Jacob's wanting to get closer. Jacob's hands slid under my wet shirt and ran across the skin there. I could feel the growl rising in my chest. It was a growl of pleasure, and I never wanted him to stop.

Jacob flipped us and hovered over me, his mouth teased the skin on my neck. My back arched towards him there was far too much distance between us. Jacob's hands were pressed on either side of me so he could hover above me, but all I wanted was him to touch me. I wanted him to close the inches of space between us. My legs kicked up and tied themselves around his waist again.

Jacob's eyes flickered open and his gaze met mine. My chest was heaving with its fight for breath. I lifted my hand and rested it against his cheek. He closed his eyes and relaxed into my touch. I lifted my shoulders from the bed, hungry for his lips. I pressed them against his once, gently. Pulling away and smiling, I knew him well enough to know he would take the bait. I didn't have to wait long. His lips crushed against mine.

One of his hands clasped the top of my arm and worked its way down to my hand, and shifted slowly towards my hips. His fingers played with the damp material there brushing across the skin and teasing me. I lifted my head deepening the kiss and giving him permission.

His finger roamed a little further under the damp material, dragging pure fire of desire behind it. My body arched to his hand, willing his fingers to move across the skin. They inched up my stomach slowly each inch deepened our kiss. I was moaning compulsively, unable to stop myself. His touches were feather light and scorching.

His need for breath brought his lips once again to my throat. I felt the hot air as he panted for breath. His fingers lingered on one spot for to long and I shuddered beneath him in pleasure.

"Jacob." his name poured over my lips mingled with my moans.

His mouth covered mine again cutting the sound off before I could moan his name again. My hips rose from the bed as he plunged his tongue deeply into my mouth. I had never been this happy before. I had never wanted anything as much as I wanted him in this moment.

His heart hammered in his chest as his finger continued the slow path up my skin. I could hear my own pulse in my ears as my excitement grew to new heights. The lingering touch of his fingers ignited my soul and it soared above me beyond reach.

My chest rose and fell as I dragged in air around his lips the heat forming between us explosive, his finger inched further up my body and a sigh of delight passed my lips and filled his mouth. I could taste him as his tongue danced with mine and I craved more of him. I wanted him to close the gap between us. I clung to him my hands clawing at the fabric that covered his back. I pulled it up over him until it bunched around his shoulders.

I broke the kiss and pulled it over his head before finding his lips again with mine. His hand moved from the bare skin just below my ribs and I growled at him.

He pulled away and his husky laugh made his hot breath dance over my face. I didn't want any more space between us so I placed my hands around his neck and pulled him back to me.

His hand found its place on my sensitive skin and he stroked it gently. The feeling was so confounding pleasurable. I wanted to laugh, cry and scream all in the same breath. I was on fire.

Jacob's hand moved over my ribs in a sweeping motion and my entire body and soul shuddered. His fingers brushed against the soft damp cotton of my bra, and I almost exploded with anticipation. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. I was a slave to my body's natural impulsion. My fingers ran gently up the skin of Jacob's back and down again in sweeping motions. My body was a live fire. Every nerve was tingling with my want of this man.

My hands moved to his defined chest, my fingers dipping gently between each of his muscles. His body shuddered gently and his chest heaved. The feeling was so intense, my mouth took control of his, and my tongue ran across his bottom lip. I was panting embarrassingly loud now and my moans were mingled as they echoed around his mouth. I let my hands slide further down his body as his worked their way up.

My hips fell gently to the bed as I fought for more air. Every part of me writhed beneath his touch. I was his slave in this one moment and I would agree to anything as long as he was mine. My fingers reached the waist of his sweats and he pulled away quickly. My eyes flickered open. His shoulders were rising and falling as he gasped for air.

My entire body felt like putty as I let it fall to the bed. I was panting and I never let myself break eye contact once. I found his electrically charged eyes.

"Nessie, if this goes any further, I don't think I have the will power to stop myself. I want you too much."

I propped myself up on my elbows and leaned forward so my face was less than an inch from his, I kept his eyes captive as told him exactly how I felt.

"I don't want you to stop." I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him back to me.

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****Please READ ****

**A/N: Did you really think I could drag their separation out much longer? I couldn't do that to Nessie or Jacob LOL! Considering this story is rated T and I figured this was pushing the envelope as it was, so I stopped it there!! But don't fret; those of you who want a lemon, you're getting it, I am going to start a different story called Shadow of a doubt lemons; original I know but hey! Anyway; it will be rated M and will include the lemons. There is no plot points or anything that carries the story over in the chapter. It's just Nessie and Jake together. So if you don't need it or want it, there's no need for you to head over there!!**

**The first will be up later today :)**

**The song for this chapter is SECONDS AWAY by Amy Studt; available to listen to on my site; there's a link in my profile :)**

**Thank you to my Beta the wonderful Orioncat; You rock chick . . . Vicki as always for proof reading and just listening when I get frustrated!!**

**Thank you for the alerts and faves . . . AND THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY ARE THE MOST AWESOME PEOPLE ON THE PLANET . . . YOU GUYS ROCK!!!**

**SEE YOU GUYS LATER TODAY, AND THEN ON SATURDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	23. Chapter 22: Feeling Good

_**All things Twilight belong to the awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

_**

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**_**Chapter 22: Feeling Good**

I woke up a little disorientated, my eyes focused on the small room and I was instantly aware of the arm that was lying over my waist. I kept my eyes closed afraid that it was the best dream I had ever encountered; and opening my eyes would dispel the perfection and exultation that held me.

The memory of what had happened surged through me and I felt the smile tug at my lips. It had been perfect; just as I knew it would be. I felt wonderful as I lay perfectly still under his arms. My heart was so full of joy and content I was sure it was visible beneath my skin.

I was possessed with an amazing sense of right. It was almost as if all the planets had aligned and brought me to this perfect moment. What I had experienced in his arms was pure joy; perfection. I had been made for this man. We had connected on the most intimate level and I was his _body, _mind and soul.

I could feel the air as a draft breezed around the room, and I was struck with realization at my state of undress. It didn't feel wrong though, it felt natural. I couldn't be self-conscious around Jacob because he loved me so deeply. Of course this was only a recent revelation.

I let my eyes flutter open, still afraid that this was a dream; but the sight of the copper arm that hung over me brought the content I was feeling exploding to the surface. I let my eyes roam over Jacob's sleeping form. He was laying face down, his head turned to me. I could hear his gentle snore as he breathed in and out. His bare back was glorious and I let my fingers dance over his skin; drawing intricate patterns as they coasted across the surface.

I rolled until I was facing him, and planted a soft kiss on his bare shoulder. His snore broke into a sigh and I couldn't help but smile. I moved closer to him, my lips now brushing across his back as my fingers continued their elated dance on his skin.

Jacob growled gently and I knew he was awake, but I didn't speak; I couldn't, I was sure the words would break out into paroxysms of giggles that would show just how giddy I was. I let my lips brush across his skin again. Jacob moved quickly though, his arm tightened around my waist and pulled me to him. I was now laying under half of his body.

"Morning." his husky voice was coated in the heavy sleep he'd just woken him from. I still couldn't speak so I smiled; keeping my eyes connected with his as he gazed at me. I could see what I was feeling dancing behind his eyes. My heart exploded in my chest as the memory once again danced around my mind. I'd had no idea how perfect it could be with him. How much we'd missed out on.

Jacob's head dipped slowly and he kissed my bare shoulder. I let my eyes slide closed and hummed out my enjoyment, the sound elicited a chuckle from him; his body shook gently against mine with the sound. It send small shivers of electricity through my entire body. I knew I was smiling and I doubted it would ever leave my lips again; as long as he was always there with me.

Jacob's lips trailed from my shoulder, he dragged them over my skin until he reached my neck. The arm of mine that was free rose to his shoulder; the fingers drinking in the feel of his skin. I was amazed at this new level of intimacy, it consumed me; pulled me in. It made it difficult to imagine how we'd existed beside one another before this moment.

Jacob's lips found mine and I smiled around his. I could happily do this for a lifetime, never move from here, and just stay in his arms as our lips synchronized themselves to the complex pattern of us. The kiss wasn't as desperate and passion filled as it had been last night. That kiss had been desperate, it spoke a thousand words. It told the tale of how we could not be apart; how the separation had taken its toll on our battered hearts.

This kiss was simply full of the love we felt; the happiness; the contentedness, and the pure joy of being in the arms of the other. We would have to talk eventually, but I wanted to bask in the glow of his love for a while longer.

Jacob pulled his lips away from mine, but planted a line of quick butterfly kisses across my lips, cheeks, forehead and neck. His actions finally brought out the laugh that had been lying in wait; the laugh that was so filled with joy it sounded like a song even to me.

"I love you," he laughed kissing my lips again lightly.

"I love you too," I sighed happily. My hand was now roaming across the satin skin of his shoulders.

We lay in companionable silence, just gazing into one another's eyes. The loss of him was a distant memory and I could only feel the delight of being here now. I would never be so stupid again; I would never let him suffer that way. Punishing myself had been more of a punishment to him; and I refused to be the source of his unhappiness.

"What time is it?" I asked looking around the small room for a clock.

Jacob lifted his head and looked to the night stand, his eyes widened. "Ten," he pulled the blinds back and shook his head laughing. "In the morning."

My hand dropped from his shoulder and covered my mouth. I tilted my head so I could see out of the window. It was light, the same gray light that always shrouded the Pacific Northwest, but it was renewed as I saw it through my elated eyes.

"I'm sure they know you're safe." Jacob chuckled squeezing my waist.

He always seemed to know what I was thinking. I knew my parents would be worried, there was no way they couldn't be. I had left in such a hurry, and my mind wasn't exactly in the right place either. Anything could have happened to me. I just hoped Alice had seen I had arrived. They would know I was safe with Jacob.

"Let's hope so." I laughed; I knew I'd left my phone in the car, it had been in my pocket and I pulled it out.

Jacob's head came to rest on my shoulder and his breath danced over my neck sending waves of tingling joy through my body. I was comfortable lying in his arms silently, enjoying the closeness. The heat that emanated from him was comforting and I'd never felt more at home than I had in his arms.

A loud rumble filled the room and I couldn't help but laugh. Jacob's body was rebelling; his stomach screaming out a protest at the lack of food. How long had we been laying here together?

"Are you hungry?"

Jacob grinned sheepishly. I shifted my weight to roll away from him, but his arm tightened around me.

"Where are you going?"

"To make you some food." I laughed collapsing in his arms again, I liked that he was so unwilling to separate from me. My hand cupped his cheek lovingly. "I can make a pretty decent sandwich. I'm no Esme . . ."

Jacob silenced me with his lips. I smiled around them and began shifting my weight again, Jacob didn't hold me quite so tightly, but he made a show of his disapproval, growling playfully.

"I'll be right back." I promised, grinning.

Jacob sighed and retrieved his arm, letting me go. His eyes lingered on my body though; I could see the lust in his eyes. Small tingling shocks ran through my stomach exploding into euphoric trembles that ran the length of my spine. I laughed huskily and pulled his discarded shirt from the floor. It drowned me and hung almost to my knees; but I had never felt more comfortable, and it smelled like Jacob.

Jacob chuckled as I walked towards the door; I could help a quick look back at him. His eyes were on me his eyes full of an emotion I couldn't read. Whatever it was, it was damn sexy.

"What?"

"I like that look on you." he grinned; his white teeth shining against his russet skin.

I curtsied playfully and pulled the door open; stepping into the hall. I stopped and listened; hoping no one was home. That would be awkward. I didn't hear anybody so I made my way across the small living room to the kitchen and pulled open the refrigerator. I pulled out everything I needed and set it on the counter.

Sandwiches, even that was a stretch for my nonexistent culinary abilities. My mom and Esme had always insisted on cooking for me and refused to let me anywhere near a pot or pan, I would have to learn some kind of skill in the kitchen eventually, but they were both too insistent on keeping me satisfied and satiated.

I worked quickly, making a small platter of cheese and ham sandwiches. I could never eat this much but I knew Jacob's appetite could work through the pile easily.

I listened to the sound of the ocean as it lapped gently against the cliffs. The beach was empty; it was entirely too cold for anyone to even venture near it. I knew how the wind would blow off the water at this time of the year. To me it was almost refreshing. I had played on that beach as a child; Jacob always diverting me before I rushed into the waves. He was the one that had taught me how to swim.

There was so much history for me in this small coastal community. Everyone had simply seemed to accept me. Even now they would smile and wave as I passed through with Jacob. No one seemed to question the rapid growth or the pale skin. I was simply Jacob's imprint. Part of the extended family.

There were voices mingled in with the sound of the wind as it beat across the house, it pulled me from my wistful memories. I stood still and listened closer, hoping that I would recognize the voices; but in the same breath, praying they weren't headed in this direction.

The volume of the voices grew and I recognized them quickly. It was Rachel and Paul. I froze and looked down at my makeshift clothes. I didn't have time to run and dress before they arrived; I would barely make it to the room as it was. They were almost at the porch. What a precarious situation to get myself into. Way to think ahead Nessie.

I decided to take my chances, and hoped they wouldn't comment on my clothes, or lack thereof. The door groaned as they pushed it open, the sound caused a wave of nostalgia to run through me. Had Jacob and I done that? I started putting away some of the things I had pulled from the refrigerator and took a deep breath; readying myself for anything they might say.

"Oh, hey, Nessie."

Rachel's voice didn't have the surprise it should of and I cringed internally thinking about what that meant. I spun around and looked at her, keeping the smile bright on my lips.

"Hi Rachel . . . Paul."

Paul smirked and slid past Rachel. He wrapped his arms around her waist and eyed me furtively. I felt the blush creep into my cheeks. Even though my natural instinct to blush had kicked in; I found myself unembarrassed, comfortable even. Neither of them seemed that shocked and both of them smiled at me.

Rachel's was almost conspiratorial.

Paul danced past Rachel as he eyed the sandwiches. He leaned around me and picked one up, shoving it into his mouth wiggling his eyebrows in the process; it reminded me of my uncle Emmett. I swatted him away playfully and he danced out of my reach easily; trotting back to Rachel. I leaned casually against the counter and watched the two as they interacted. She was currently scrunching her nose at him, he'd stuffed the entire sandwich in his mouth and his cheeks bulged, resembling a hamster storing food.

I was amazed at how comfortable I felt here. Being here in this house with my extended family felt right. The playfulness of the situation was almost natural. I had never been in a situation like this to appreciate the capacity of their acceptance; I had never been here like this; and I had certainly never felt this relaxed around Rachel and Paul. It was as if something had shifted; something had changed with the newest development of my life. It was overwhelming as it warmed my heart.

I belonged here as much as I did in my own house. I belonged here because this was Jacob's life and I was his imprint. Was this the natural order of things? My heart expanded at the thought of it. This _was_ my extended family.

Paul made another attempt to steal a sandwich; I let him putting up a weak fight.

"How have you been Ness?" Rachel asked slapping Paul on the shoulder as he passed her.

"Wallowing in my self pity." I sighed, but followed it with a smile. "You know how I am."

Rachel laughed. "Yeah, you're just like Charlie, and your mom."

I grinned, Rachel knew our family well.

"Oh," Paul said, it was muffled as he was still chewing on the sandwich he'd stolen. He swallowed before he continued. "Your mom called earlier, I told her you were sleeping."

"Thank you." I grinned, glad he'd had the hindsight to lie for me.

"You're welcome. I wasn't about to tell a vampire that her daughter was being corrupted by a wolf." He laughed, dodging Rachel's hand as she swung at him again.

"Damn Paul; can't you keep your mouth shut for a second?" Rachel asked rolling her eyes. "Sorry Nessie; I think I may have to buy a leash and muzzle for him. He's impossible."

I couldn't help but laugh at that, the image was too much to let it slide. Rachel grinned again. "I know tempting." she laughed.

"What's all the noise about?" Jacob asked appearing from his room; his shaggy hair was disheveled and was only wearing sweatpants. I grinned at him, unable to contain my joy of seeing him.

Paul punched his shoulder as he passed him to fall into the couch. Jacob's eyes were locked on me again; his smiled showed his beautiful white teeth. It seemed things had changed; I was now putty in his very capable hands. Rachel smiled at me; a knowing dancing behind her eyes as she went to join Paul on the couch. She tucked herself into his side as he flicker through the channels.

Jacob stopped directly in front of me and placed his hands either side of me on the counter. He leaned down slowly brushing his lips against mine. My heart exploded into a sprint and my pulse pounded in my ears again betraying my calm collective exterior. I could hear Paul's laugh but I ignored it, I only had eyes for Jacob.

Jacob's mouth moved to my ear and his hot breath rushed across the surface. "What took you so long?"

My smile was infectious now and I had a feeling it would lay permanently across my lips giving away my secret to everyone. My heart was already defiant. I was sure it was audible to everyone, not just those with exceptional hearing.

I nodded towards the sandwiches as I tried to catch my breath. Jacob had me and he knew it, I couldn't think of anything but him anymore. Everything revolved around him and it would stay that way for eternity. He let out a rush of air before leaning away and picking up a sandwich. I shivered with the lingering touch of his breath.

"Not hungry?" he chuckled, winking at me.

I grinned before picking up a sandwich. I pulled myself up on to the counter and took a bite. Oddly enough, it tasted heavenly. I had never had food taste so palatable to me, the texture, the taste the combination of flavors. Everything seemed so much more heightened to me. I finished the sandwich quickly and took another; I hadn't realized how hungry I had been until I started eating.

Jacob was eating quickly but he always had part of himself touching me. It was something I would never have noticed before, but now it was all I noticed. I was hyper aware of him; more than I thought possible. I had always been aware of him when he entered a room, but now that awareness was charged with electricity. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him.

He took another sandwich from the plate and moved so he was stood between my legs, his back was to me and he was facing Paul and Rachel who were still lounging on the couch comfortably. I leaned my head against the bare skin if his back and inhaled his scent. I let my hands wander to his waist, my elbows resting on my knees.

I still felt no embarrassment or discomfort in the company of his sister and her imprint, and I was beginning to think this was all par for the course. Like it was a natural park of living in this strange world of wolves; I started to wonder if all of the imprints felt this comfortable around each other; and I had never taken the time to notice before.

"Where's Dad?" Jacob asked. With my head this close to his body I heard the sound of the words building. The vibration as it traveled through him. I kissed him between the shoulder blades and went back to resting my head against him. He shuddered once.

"Fishing with Charlie; Sue was having a girl's day with Leah, so the two of them took out the boat. Dad thinks Charlie cheats with that fancy device Edward and Bella gave him last Christmas. That was until Charlie gave him his old one. Now you can't keep dad off the water."

Jacob chuckled. "Not that you could keep him off the water much before."

"That's true," Rachel laughed. "There's a game on tonight; so he probably won't be back until late."

I smiled against Jacob's back and let my fingers squeeze the skin I was touching. I was the one teasing him now.

"My dad got him that flashy TV didn't he?" I laughed; my mom had tried to stop him, she thought Charlie spent enough time in front of the TV; he didn't need much more motivation. It seemed as though my dad had won that one, or he'd gone ahead and done it anyway.

Rachel laughed; burying her head in Paul's side. "I didn't realize that was a secret."

I looked around Jacob's wide form and grinned. "It's probably not; my dad enjoys spoiling Charlie. He says his reaction is so much better than my mom's."

"Bells has always hated surprises." Jacob laughed; squeezing my leg.

"She's getting better."

"If you're referring to Alice; I don't think she has much of a choice in that."

I nudged Jacob's back with my shoulder. "I didn't see you complaining."

"Those fancy shirt and jeans?"

"Yes, those; you have to admit the woman has a gift."

"She can take me shopping," Rachel said hopefully.

"I'll tell her you said that," Jacob barked out; laughing.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Rachel laughed winking at me.

"Yeah, be nice." I said defending my aunt.

"You know I'm playing." Jake chuckled. "Alice is one of my favorites."

I kissed his shoulder in approval, I was rewarded with another shudder rolling down his spine. "Rachel, anytime you want to go shopping call me. I'll get my mom, Anna, Alice and Rose and we'll make it a girl's day."

Jacob spun around to face me, leaning his hands on my thighs. "So eager to leave me," he sighed playfully.

"Oh give it a rest Jacob. I am so sick of your pouting." Rachel sighed.

Jacob looked over his shoulder and I could no longer see his facial expression. The freedom from his captivating eyes gave me time to think more about how I felt. This playful banter and relaxing atmosphere made me crave more of this; I had been considering heading back to the house with Jacob, but I liked this. I felt comfortable and at home here. Rachel and Paul made it as effortless as Jacob did. I was beginning to wonder if it was the wolf in him or if it was just the Quileute way of life.

I needed to call my parents, but I wasn't in any kind of rush to head home anymore. Jacob's head turned again and he zeroed in on me, his eyes were trying to decipher what I was feeling.

"What's the matter?" his voice was low.

"I should call my mom and let her know that everything is alright. I took off in a hurry yesterday."

Jacob nodded and leaned across the kitchen to pick up the headset. He dialed the number and handed me the receiver, winking at me. I smiled at him before he turned away again to give me some privacy.

"Nessie," my mom's voice sounded calm but I could hear the slight undertone. She was terrible at deception, worse than me, in fact.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. I fell asleep here . . ." Paul snorted quietly in the background and Rachel slapped him. "I'm fine, everything is great, and I should be home tonight."

I heard the collective sigh on the other end and smiled, knowing my dad was listening to the conversation too. I was glad he couldn't read thoughts over the phone; I was sure he would manage to get here quickly if he could.

"It was all a misunderstanding. I'll explain everything later."

"No hurry sweetheart; I just wanted to know you were alright. Paul mentioned you were sleeping when I called earlier. Nahuel asked me to apologize to you on his behalf. He was worried about your safety."

I felt Jacob's body shift between my legs, and I placed a hand on his back hoping it was placate him. We still had to talk about all of that. I just wasn't as worried about it as I had been. I was hoping that I had made how I felt abundantly clear last night. Even if it wasn't, I knew exactly how I felt and what I wanted.

"Tell him I appreciate that, and apologize to Orion and Ara for me. Tell them I will be home tonight."

"I'll let Esme know that Jacob will be eating." My mom laughed. "I'm guessing you two are back to normal."

"Better," I sighed.

"Well, I will talk to you when you get home. Just don't be too late."

"I promise, love you."

"Love you too, sweetheart,"

I handed the phone back to Jacob and watched as he leant across the kitchen to settle it back on the cradle. My eyes watched his body as the muscles rippled below the surface. I laughed once, I hadn't realized how hopelessly addicted I had become to him. In one night everything in my world had intensified, including how I felt about Jacob.

Jacob placed his hands either side of me again and leaned into me. I raised my hands and cupped both of his cheeks, planting a kiss firmly on his lips.

"Is everything alright?"

"It's perfect," I sighed quietly. "I have the whole afternoon free."

Jacob raised his eyebrows at me and a smile slowly curved the corner of his mouth. His buried his head into my neck and whispered so low I barely made out what he'd said.

"Was that intentional?"

I grinned and nodded. Jacob's pulled away from me and crushed his lips against mine. My hands wrapped around his neck holding him to me.

"Get a room!" Paul shouted, it was followed by an "Ouch,"

Jacob scooped me up from the counter, and looked down at me with the same intensity as he had last night.

"On it." He laughed and ran towards the room.

* * *

**A/N: I know, I know, I'm so sorry I was AWOL all weekend!! I have excuses but I'm sure you don't want them :) . . . I'm so glad you enjoyed the last chapter and the lemon that was posted separately. They were fun to write :)**

**The song for this chapter is FEELING GOOD by Muse. As always you can listen to it on the media player attached to my website. Link in profile :)**

**Thank you to Orioncat as always for being made of awesome; and thanks to Vicki for listening to my endless neurotics and not institutionalizing me :)**

**Thank you for all the alerts and faves, and seriously a huge THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO CONTINUE TO LET ME KNOW WHAT THEY THINK AND FORGIVE ME WHEN I POST LATE . . . YOU GUYS ROCK!!!!**

**SEE YOU ON WEDNESDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	24. Chapter 23: Time to Pretend

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

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**_**Chapter 23: Time To Pretend**

I was still floating on a cloud when we left La Push. I even turned in my seat to watch the little red house disappear around a corner. I would never think of the house the same way again. It was now a small piece of my own little heaven. I was attached to it, it encapsulated us.

Jacob chuckled and ran his fingers down the side of my face as I turned in my seat. It seemed I wasn't the only one that was coasting along in a happy little bubble. I couldn't contain my smile, it radiated from me.

I hadn't gone to see Jacob expecting what happened to happen, I had gone to fight for him; to show him that he was the only one I would ever love. The conversation still hadn't happened yet, and in some ways I didn't want to bring it up; but the air needed to be cleared. I just wanted to bask in my new found glow for a little while longer.

Jacob held my hand as he started out on the freeway. His was driving the Audi, I was curled up in the seat next to him, my head leaning on the back of the chair so I could look at him. His eyes flickered between the road and me as he sped towards Seattle. His copper skin looked like silk to me and I longer to reach out and touch him again, but I had to behave myself. I had to control the impulsive urge to touch him at every opportunity. He was all I could think about and I was finding it harder and harder to distract myself.

His fingers stroked the back of my hand and I could see the look of content that seemed to emanate from him. It was a reflection of how I felt; I was happier than I had ever been. I loved this man; it was pure and simple. The only way I could be happy was to have him beside me. I knew beyond a reasonable doubt that I would never push him away again. He was too important to me.

This overwhelming realization made the need to get the apologies out of the way; clear the air so we could move on. I wasn't sure how to even broach the subject without bringing the euphoric mood we were both reveling in; to a screaming halt. I took a few more minute to organize my thoughts. My body tensed slightly as I prepared myself for any negative comments. It wasn't any less than I deserved.

"Jake, I'm sorry about the last two weeks. I'm sorry I hurt you, then pushed you away. I was so confused; and I truly believed I had killed that kid. I was so ashamed; I was afraid to even look at you knowing that I had attacked you like that. I thought you wouldn't forgive me, because . . . well, because I couldn't forgive myself."

Jacob frowned; I had thrown my words at him like a life line, I was begging him for forgiveness and he knew it. His face smoothed out as he looked at me. I wasn't sure what he saw in my face, but it apparently comforted him, and gave him the strength to say what he needed to.

"Ness, I knew you were struggling, I should have been more understanding. I laid with you for those three days as you screamed in your sleep. You don't need to apologize to me. I'm just glad that you're alright, that you're here, with me."

Typical Jacob, he was always trying to protect me from myself. I had messed up though, I had been the one to attack him when he was trying to help me. Stop me from doing something he knew I would regret. I was the only one to blame here. I wouldn't let him take this on to himself.

"I do though, Jake. My mom told me how many of your bones I broke," I felt a tearful lump grow in my throat. Jacob's face winced as I mentioned the pain. "When I pushed you away it was to save you from me, I thought if I could set you free you'd be happier. That you could live your life without having to protect the monster that I was. Even after I saw Matthew alive I felt horrified about what I'd done, how much danger I'd put you in. It all escalated until I wasn't sure I could face you. When you came over yesterday I looked so happy because I was about to get in my car and come to you. I'd realized I couldn't live without you; that selfishly I would have to take that chance because you were every thought in my head."

I saw the shadow of pain flicker across his face as he thought about the scene he'd witnessed. I could only imagine how it had looked. Nahuel and I breaking through the trees. I had been tucked tightly against Nahuel's chest so we could avoid the trees. After a week of avoiding each other I could only imagine the thoughts that would have occurred to him in that one moment. I'd seen the pain and the anger as it flickered across his face. The way he'd avoided my call. It was painful to remember..

"I'm sorry I overreacted." His eyes were locked on me.

"But you didn't, Jake. I knew what that must have looked like to you, I could see the pain etched into your eyes."

"That guy just . . ."

"He's a friend Jacob, that's it. There will never be anybody but _you_ for me. My entire world revolves around you. I wish you could see that."

"Nessie, you have to understand that I saw the two of you and everything from my past came flooding back. You know how that worked out. It was like a cruel joke, history repeating itself."

"Jacob Black, when will you understand this. You may have imprinted on me, but I _chose_ you. You've heard Esme talking about how vampires love. It's forever. Don't you understand that the only person I have ever wanted to share my life with is you? I love you, more than I ever thought possible, and yes, I screwed up, but I can promise you I will never push you away again. You mean too much to me."

Jacob squeezed my hand and brought it to his face. His warm lips pressed against my skin and the small volcanic fire erupted in me again. I doubted I would ever get used to that. A small shudder ran down my spine and my mind moved back to this morning and last night. They way he'd touched me; the love we'd shared.

"I love you too," Jacob grinned laying our intwined hands on his leg.

"You're going to have to be careful about things like that." I laughed trying to calm the erratic beats of my heart. "My mind runs away with me when you kiss me now; even like that."

Jacob groaned, "Crap, I forgot about your dad,"

I smiled seductively and leaned towards him. "Why, what are you thinking about, Jacob?"

A smile broke out, and his white teeth shone against his copper skin. I raised my eyebrows and grinned. My lips brushed against his jaw and his hand tightened around mine. I almost expected the car to swerve.

"Nessie," his voice was rough, "This is not the best way to keep my mind occupied. I think it'll sent the wrong message. I think if Edward read either of our thoughts right now we'd be in trouble. It doesn't help that I already feel defeated. I don't think I have the mind capacity to shut the visions of you out. You touch me and there it is."

I laughed and fell back into my seat. In all honesty, I hadn't once thought about what this would mean. How we would handle my parents. How much of a hinderance my dad's little talent would be. I knew there was no way I could be within ten feet of Jacob and not let my mind flicker to the perfect day I'd had with him. The touching, the love making, the complete satisfaction I felt being in his arms. We were in trouble.

"Maybe we should have waited a while longer, to go to my house." I sighed. "There's no way I can't not think about you like that."

Jacob barked out a laugh and shook his head. "I know what you mean."

"I owe Anna an apology . . . maybe that'll buy us some time!" I exclaimed, raising my eyebrows hopefully.

Jacob pulled my cell phone from the middle console and handed it to me. His grin was not helping my attempts to think about something else. I knew I would have to call my parents and let them know where I was going. That was if Anna was even home. She answered on the second ring.

"Nessie,"

"Anna, hi, are you home?"

"Yeah, are you alright, Seth told me not to call you. I've been so worried about you,"

"I know; I'm so sorry. I just needed to get through this. I'm with Jake, do you mind if we stop by?"

"You know you don't have to ask, Nessie."

"I know but I've been a pain in the ass and I owe you an apology."

"Don't be so obnoxious, you're more than welcome to come over but if you apologize; I'm kicking you out." she laughed.

"Fine no apologies then."

"See you in a bit."

"Okay."

"Bye."

"Bye," I laughed and slapped the phone shut.

I called my parents to let them know about the delay. My mom, always so gracious, told me to take all the time I needed. Anna had always been an important part of my life and me going to see her would mean I was finally at peace with what happened. I'm glad she didn't interpret it any other way, it was all that was running through my mind as I spoke to her.

Jacob and I tried to keep our conversation to other topics for the rest of the drive. It was pointless, of course, every time he smiled, or raised his eyebrows; every time he showed me the smallest hint of affection, my mind wandered. This was going to be worse than purgatory, but easy compared to the wrath of my dad if he ever found out. Maybe that would be enough to keep my mind occupied.

"What do you think me dad would do if he found out?" I asked, pulling my knees to my chest. "I mean, this is more impossible than I thought. I never planned any of this; but now that it has happened, it's all I can think about. You're all I can think about. It's an uninterrupted stream of thoughts." I admitted, leaning my chin on my knees and grinning sheepishly.

"I don't think I would live to see anything past the moment he found out."

"Well, what did he tell you when you talked?"

"When?"

"Jacob Black, don't play dumb with me." I grinned playfully. "The day before the unity meeting."

"Oh, you're referring to your scheming?"

"Shut up, I don't scheme; I plot," I laughed. "Did he make a reference in this . . . area?"

Jacob went quiet and rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes were glued to the road ahead of him. That was an indirect yes. I hoped I hadn't got him into trouble.

"Jake?"

"He said he wasn't going to put any limitations on our relationship; but that he trusted my judgment."

I bit my lips and grinned. "I didn't give you much choice in the matter, did I?" I laughed, my hand ran down the length of his arm.

"Did you see me saying no?"

"Nope, did I tell you how happy I was about that?"

Jacob laughed and shook his head. "I love you."

I grinned, "I know."

The answer only seemed to encourage more of his laughter. He leaned across the car and kissed me on the lips as his eyes stayed trained to the road. Reflexively, my hand shot out and wrapped around his neck. The car swerved a little and Jacob pulled away.

I smiled and dropped my hands from his neck. "Oops,"

Jacob rolled his eyes and laughed again.

We pulled up at Anna's house and parked on the street, I climbed out of the car; still unable to contain my smile. Jacob had already begun walking towards the house so I ran slowly and jumped onto his back. His arms caught my legs and I planted a kiss on his neck. He growled playfully and carried me the rest of the way to the house.

Anna pulled the door open stepped out into the light rain that had begun to fall. Her smile broadened and a smirk mingled with it.

"Hey guys," she sang.

I hopped down from Jacob's back and ran to her, I could feel the grin firmly in place on my face as my arms wrapped around her. She giggled and hugged me back.

"I missed you," I said, squeezing her gently.

"I missed you too," she sighed, letting go of me and picking up my hand. "Jake, Seth's in the living room, we'll be right back."

Before Jacob had time to answer, Anna had pulled me to the stairs and was pulling me towards her room. I could hear the greeting Seth gave Jacob, just before Anna pushed her door closed. She pushed me to the bed.

"Sit."

I did as I was told, smiling at my friend.

"Tell me everything."

"What?"

"Nessie, don't you dare try to dance around this," she laughed, sitting in the bed and pulling her legs up under her. "I can see it in your face, you can't hide things like this from me. Tell me _everything_."

I broke out into a paroxysm of giggles and fell face first into her bed. Just remembering the last twenty-four hours made me giddy. I tried to catch my breath before pushing myself back into a sitting position.

"Is it that obvious?"

Anna nodded.

"I'm doomed."

"Spill," she demanded.

"Well, I'm sure Seth told you that I pushed Jacob away. I was really confused, I knew I'd hurt him and the guilt and everything was just too much. I thought he would be better off without me."

"Stupid,"

"Thanks, Anna," I could always count on her for honesty.

"Welcome, get to the good part."

I laughed again. "My friends from Brazil came to visit and I let myself get distracted by them after a lot of self pity. My friend, Ara, kind of talked some sense into me, so I decided to go and talk to Jacob, I was waiting for today because I knew Billy would be out and Rachel and Paul are hardly ever there. So to get my strength up, I went hunting with Nahuel."

"Okay, when is the good stuff gonna start?"

"Do you want to hear this or not?" I laughed.

Anna nodded enthusiastically.

"Well, while hunting I realized I couldn't wait to see Jacob; I missed him. So Nahuel and I headed home so I could leave. It started raining and we made a run for the house, Nahuel grabbed my hand and took off, when we reached the tree line around the house the trees narrowed, Nahuel pulled me into his side so we wouldn't hit the trees. When we broke out on the other side, Jacob was waiting for me . . ."

"Oh no,"

"Yeah, he took off before I could explain, so I took off after him. When I got to La Push I had no idea what to even say. I knocked on the door and told him it was me. He was hurt and upset, and asked me what I wanted."

"What did you say."

"You,"

"Me?"

"No," I laughed, "I said you, to him."

"I was being sarcastic," Anna said rolling her eyes. "But go on,"

"Well, we just stared at one another for the longest time, I couldn't breathe, I was so scared that I had succeeded in pushing him away; but he kissed me. Anna, he's never kissed me like that before, it was . . . amazing."

The memory of the kiss danced around my mind and made every inch of my body tingle with an electric charge. I closed my eyes and savored the memory of the feeling. Recapping was not helping in the hiding my thoughts department.

"Don't you dare leave me hanging."

I laughed. "Well, we ended up in his bedroom, we couldn't keep our hand off of one another. It got to a point and Jacob slowed down and told me he was at the point of no return."

"What did you say?"

"That I didn't want to stop . . ."

Anna squealed with delight, "So you . . .?"

I nodded, "Do not ask me for details."

"Come on, just tell me; did you like it?"

I smiled again and hid my face in my hands.

"That good huh?"

"You have no idea." I said, looking up at her grinning.

Anna giggled. "I'm so excited for you. How the tables have turned."

"You mean . . . ?"

"Nope, not yet," she sighed.

"Really?" This surprised me, something about the way they were with one another had always given me the impression that they were more intimate with one another.

"Well, we've got close before;" Anna's cheeks flared red, "We were in Leah's house . . ."

"Oh no," I slapped my hand over my mouth and tried to bite back the laughter.

"It's okay, you can laugh. It was horrific."

"Oh, Anna," I laughed and threw my arms around her neck. I knew that it was bad enough that they thought about us while they were wolves, the thought of Jacob's pack seeing what was in his mind made me cringe. Still, it was different than a first hand experience, I couldn't imagine someone walking in at a moment like that.

"So, how are you planning to face your parents? You're glowing." Anna asked, her laugh subsiding.

I groaned and sat back on my feet. I had no idea, Anna had seen me for two seconds and knew something was different. I hadn't even been trying to hide anything. Going to the house, with a mind reading father, an uncle that could feel emotions and a friend who's emotions were attuned to mine, was going to prove to be a problem. There was no hiding this.

"I don't know, this gets more complicated every second. My friend Ara has a gift, she'll know the moment I walk in the door."

"What kind of a gift?"

"It's like Jasper's but stronger, she feels what I feel, tastes what I taste, smells what I smell, she shares all of my senses as though she's experiencing them herself."

"Your life gets more complicated every day."

I smiled at her, lifting my eyebrows for emphasis. Complicated was a luxury compared to the complexity of my existence. There was always someone that could read me in some way. My parents knew me so well, my whole family could read me like a book. My friends; as soon as Ara knew something, they would know as well. It wouldn't be as easy as it had been at Jacob's house.

"I felt so comfortable at his house, Anna." I confessed, "Even when Rachel and Paul came home and caught me in the kitchen wearing just Jake's t-shirt. It didn't feel wrong, I wasn't embarrassed. I'm so worried that I'll get home and it'll pop my little happy bubble."

"Maybe you should go home with the same attitude as you had when Rachel and Paul were around. I know they're your parents, but any normal parents wouldn't notice the difference. Use that in your defense."

"Ness," Jacob's voice was clear to me as he called my name, Anna hadn't heard him.

"Jake's calling me." I smiled and walked towards the door. I cracked it open. "Yeah?"

"Where's your phone?"

"In the car, why?"

"Your mom called, Esme's just finishing with dinner, she invited Anna and Seth over too, apparently Esme's cooked enough for a third world country."

I looked around to Anna. "Please come to my house for dinner, my mom just invited you. I need all the moral support I can get; maybe you'll distract me enough to not think about it. You cannot think about it either."

Anna rolled her eyes and grinned, "Esme cooking?"

I nodded.

"Fine," she said with exhausted exaggeration.

This was cheating, but it was worth it.

"Anna's up for it, we'll be down in a minute."

It didn't take Anna long to get ready, she pulled her hair up and pulled on a sweater before we headed back downstairs. Seth and Jacob were already at the door waiting. Anna scribbled a quick note to her parents and we headed off towards the house.

When we pulled up in the drive, I was a bundle of nerves. I hated that I had to feel so apprehensive about coming home. I had been feeling so good about everything; an amazing sense of right had been with me right up until this moment. Now, I was just nervous about their reactions.

"You ready for this?" Jacob asked putting the car in park. Seth and Anna had followed in Anna's truck. I knew I wouldn't be letting Jacob out of my sight for a while.

"No," I squeaked, but smiled.

Jacob kissed my hand before climbing out of the car. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

"Neither am I," he mumbled.

* * *

**A/N: Back on track yay!! So this was the conversation. I know it didn't last long but they were both in such a euphoric mood I couldn't let them be too argumentative. Still it's all out in the open now, and yay, Anna's back!!**

**The song for this chapter is Time to Pretend by MGMT it's an awesome song :) It's on my media player that's located on my website. You can find a link in my profile :)**

**Thank you to Orioncat, and I have to apologize for not sending you the edited version of this for you to Beta, I am just so behind right now it's not even funny but I will try and work on getting them to you with enough time from now on :) Vicki, as always you are awesome; thank you so much for being awesome, and reading my chapters for me.**

**For all of you who have read my other stories, I have started a sequel to infinite paths of Destiny. I have had quite a few requests so I am doing that before Alice's Breaking Dawn, which I promise is the next project after Infinite 2.**

**Thank you for all the alerts and faves, and . . . THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO SERIOUSLY INSPIRE ME EVERYDAY WITH THEIR KIND WORDS, YOU GUYS ARE SERIOUSLY AWESOME AND I LOVE YOU ALL. YOU ROCK!!!!**

**TILL FRIDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	25. Chapter 24: Modern Guilt

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**

* * *

**_**Chapter 24: Modern Guilt  
**

The four of us made our way inside the house. The last thought of mine that would even point in the direction of what I was trying not to think about had been in the car; and even then I had only thought about how Jacob's kiss had made my heart take off in my chest. I had no idea what Jacob was thinking.

I felt prepared for at least my father; my emotions were another story altogether. I knew Jasper and Ara would immediately feel the gratification that ran through me, the peace and happiness that seemed to have taken over my entire self. I hoped they simply attributed that to my happiness at my reconciliation with Jacob.

I knew they would immediately feel the happy little bubble that seemed to surround me. My happiness often drew my uncle in, and the emotions that sat simmering below the surface would be even stronger for Ara. She would feel them too, as if they were her own emotions. That could still be attributed to the happiness, but her thoughts may give us away. FOR KISSING, I confirmed in my head, rolling my eyes at no one in particular.

It was Ara who was waiting for me impatiently in the living room. Jacob had parked at the front of the house; so it was the closest entrance. Ara was pacing nervously at the bottom of the stairs. She paused as soon as I walked through the door, her face scrutinizing me carefully. Her eyes narrowed and her lips curled up into a smile as realization flooded her.

Jacob's immediate reaction was protecting me, his hand rested carefully in the small of my back and my emotions went wild within me. My skin prickled under his touch and my stomach flipped inside of me. Every nerve ending buzzed like I had been playing with a live wire. As the emotions flooded my entire body, Ara's scrutiny turned to fascination; a large smile passed over her features and her hand gently brushed over her stomach.

"Aren't we in a good mood." she sang smiling.

We were screwed.

Anna didn't help the situation by snorting as she tried futilely to hide her giggles. She knew who this was from my description, and she knew what was happening. I hadn't enlightened Jacob or Seth to Ara's talents so they gazed at Anna curiously, obviously waiting for the new head to sprout.

I shook my head hoping Ara would realize what I was trying to tell her. She winked at me and grinned.

"Esme sent me to get you; she has the food ready." She smiled at us warmly and her fascination changed direction to my human friend.

"Ara, this is Seth, Anna and Jacob." I smiled, taking a deep breath.

"I remember Jacob." she smiled, she sniffed the air delicately, "Your friend Anna is human?"

I knew it hadn't taken her that long to figure it out but I was sure she picked up on Seth's nervous behavior. From the corner of my eye, I saw Seth react and pull Anna closer to him; she was almost completely concealed under his arms.

"Yes, but she knows everything. She's an imprint too." I cooed trying to calm the slight atmosphere that was being created around us.

"How very interesting." Ara laughed, eyeing the couple curiously. "Come, let's eat before the food gets cold; Esme has put a lot of effort into making it."

I nodded and picked up Jacob's hand. We followed Ara into the dining room where everyone was sat chatting animatedly. I laughed at the scene before me. The table was full of food with barely any space to sit. Esme was still flitting around in the kitchen. There was seven places laid out neatly, and the vampires that didn't eat were talking in small groups.

Jasper's eyes immediately found me; and I knew he was feeling the residual exultation that enveloped my heart. He winked and nodded at me, and I couldn't help but smile in return. I felt truly happy and being at home - something I had thought would be a negative experience – it made me feel relaxed.

Everyone crowed in exultation and welcomed me home, I knew they'd heard us pull up; but I knew they were glad I was at home; they seemed hell bent on making that obvious. My dad embraced me tightly and I thought only of how happy I was that Jacob and I were back to normal. It took more effort than I thought it would and every glance he gave me had my heart palpitating in my chest to an irregular beat. Damn heart. He gave me the occasional frown, but for now it seemed he was just happy I was home, maybe a little too happy.

The family seemed genuinely happy to see Jacob as well; even Rosalie was a little more cordial than usual, offering a small quip about the smell, followed by a polite laugh. Jacob didn't even react, he simply grinned. I was beginning to suspect that he was actually starting to like Rosalie and her comments.

I introduced Anna and Seth to Orion and Nahuel before we sat down to eat, and I found myself falling into my familiar surroundings with ease. There were no pleasantries exchanged by Nahuel and Jacob; I didn't expect there to be. It wasn't exactly friendly between them either. They ignored one another, I imagined it was the best I could hope for at the moment and tried to ignore Jacob's slight shift in discomfort when I took the seat next to Nahuel.

Jacob kissed my temple once and my heart pounded against my ribs, I cursed him briefly before changing my thought pattern. My dad eyed me curiously as I thought about first beach, and Rachel and Paul, and Jacob. I stopped and went back to thinking about something else. I couldn't afford to linger on Jacob too long.

I looked up and smiled at my dad and again. My mom was stood next to him and she winked once before cuddling into his side. In confusion, I frowned I wasn't sure if it was the camaraderie of her help in escaping yesterday or something . . . else. I took a deep breath to clear my head and went back to thinking about anything else.

The room was full of idle chatter as we ate. Ara and Orion were throwing questions at Anna. They hadn't come across a human that knew of our existence as she did, and it fascinated them. They wanted to know what she thought about it all, whether she felt intimidated being in a house full of vampires. Whether she had met any vampires other than my family. It was actually amusing to watch.

I ate quietly and listened to the conversations going on around me. I was feeling tired and worn out. I had been riding an emotional roller coaster for the past couple of weeks and it was beginning to take its toll.

When I finished eating, I leaned into Jacob. His arm was resting over the back of my chair so it made it easy to curl up into his side. He planted a kiss on the top of my head, and continued to listen to Orion's questions to Anna. I tried to stop the shudder and line of thoughts that attempted to penetrate my mind I wished there was something to distract me, anything at this point. I was going to get us both into trouble.

"So does Nessie tell you when the family gets visitors?" Orion asked, glancing at me quickly before she turned her attention to Anna. I tried to focus on the conversation. I was confused by the question so I focused on that.

"I'm not sure? I don't think they've had any visitors since we've been friends."

"We don't get many Nomads passing through here," my dad said quietly. "We don't advertise our presence here."

"But Alice . . ."

"We'll talk about it later." My dad's eyes flickered to me and away.

Be careful what you wish for . . .

"What did Alice see?" I asked, knowing that they were trying to divert the conversation until later. My family had gone through a lot while my mother was human. They learned from their mistakes. History didn't often repeat itself but they didn't like to take chances.

"There's a small coven - two nomads to be precise - heading in this direction. There's a chance they could pick up our smell; we're going to take every precaution necessary."

"When?"

"I'm not exactly sure," Alice said quietly. "But there's no rain, so it will probably be a couple of days, most likely tomorrow. It'll start raining again on Tuesday."

"That's why we invited Anna and Seth for dinner. We were hoping Seth would take Anna to La Push. It's just a precaution, her scent is all over this house."

I shuddered at the thought of something happening to my best friend; it was fleeting, but it bothered me. Jacob's arm fell from the back of the seat to wrap around me. I knew he wouldn't leave. Not with strange vampires running through town. It was really no reason to be worried; I was with my family and we were strong together. Other vampires were only really a threat to the humans.

"That's not a problem. Her parents are in Oregon, visiting family. So even if they follow her scent there'll be nothing there." Seth said calmly, "I appreciate the heads up though, Edward."

My dad nodded and his eyes met mine. "If you feel you want to go with them, Ness . . ."

"No, I'll be fine." I wouldn't miss this; and there were two reasons behind this. The first was my curiosity. I hadn't seen another vampire since our house in Forks had been inhabited a large population of them. I hadn't met any strangers; and even if things became unfriendly I knew I had the ability to protect myself. Which brought me to the second reason; I wouldn't be leaving my family when I wasn't sure what was coming.

"It won't come to that; I doubt we'll even see them." My dad said calmly.

"I'm staying."

"So am I." Jacob said quietly, his arm tightened around me and I smiled up at him.

"They aren't like us Jacob,"

"I know that, Edward, but do you think I would leave Ness here alone? It's not like I haven't been surrounded by the non vegetarian's before"

"I'm in the room," I said pointedly, feeling slightly annoyed that I was being spoken about as though I weren't here.

Jacob smiled down at me and kissed my forehead. "I'm very aware of that."

My entire body tingled when his lips touched my skin. Ara's head whipped around to look at me. I winked and looked back at my dad. Concentrating on the coven before anything else could flash through my mind.

I knew there was nothing to worry about, we were a large coven, I was sure anybody walking into our situation would be relatively intimidated. For now, my curiosity was winning out over my fear.

We didn't say anymore on the subject, but Orion continued on with her line of questioning. Nahuel was quiet and I was very aware of that. I felt guilty because he was here to visit me, and I hadn't said a word to him since I had gotten home. I knew I owed him an apology for the way I had spoken to him yesterday, so I bit the bullet.

I leaned out of Jacob's embrace and towards Nahuel who was sat on the other side of me, listening to the interrogation that Orion was conducting.

"Nahuel," I said his name quietly, and became aware of Jacob's hand running down my back gently. I smiled and took a deep breath. Nahuel turned to face me, his eyes lighting up a little. "I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I really didn't mean to be so rude."

"You weren't rude, Nessie. I was just concerned. Your friend seemed upset, I wasn't sure how he would react if you were to show up there."

I heard Jacob's chest rumble with a soft warning growl. I rested my hand on his leg as a warning.

"Jacob would never hurt me, Nahuel, but I do appreciate your concern."

"You're my friend, Nessie. I can't help but worry about you." his eyes flickered to Jacob and back to me. "I hope I didn't upset your _friend_."

Jacob's hand grasped at my waist, I turned and looked at him briefly. His dark eyes were black, and an intense crease was formed along his brow. He was upset. I couldn't understand why he was being so defensive, I looked back around to Nahuel, and a small smile was dancing on his lips.

I smiled at him before leaning back into Jacob. I wasn't sure why he was so upset, but I would get it out of him later. I pulled my legs into my chest and snuggled into him again. I could feel his body relax around me, and his heart calm slowly.

Seth and Anna left earlier than they normally would because Seth insisted on them going to La Push tonight. He didn't want to take any chances and I really couldn't blame him. Anna looked a little concerned as I walked her to her truck.

"Will you be alright?" she asked, as soon as we were free of the house. "I mean, they seemed a little concerned about it, maybe you should come with us."

I laughed gently. "There's nothing to be worried about Anna. They just learn from their mistakes. It was probably a once in a lifetime coincidence that happened to my mom, but they won't jeopardize part of our family again."

"I'm part of your family?"

"Of course you are; you're dating my uncle and you're my best friend."

"That sounds so wrong," she laughed. "You sure you won't come?"

"I'll be fine."

"Call me when they're gone."

I threw my arms around her and squeezed gently. "I promise,"

Seth came down the stairs with a huge box of leftovers that Esme had put together for him. I laughed stepping away from Anna. Seth dipped and kissed me on the cheek quickly. "Talk to you later Nessie."

"Bye Seth, drive carefully."

"Will do." he grinned strolling around to the other side of the truck.

"Call me later." Anna demanded as she opened her door.

"I promise," I laughed, holding the door for her. "Now go and _have_ fun."

Anna's eyes opened wide and her mouth fell open. I felt the blush rise into my cheeks, so I slammed the door shut and blew them both a kiss before waving. Jacob stepped up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. His chin planted itself in my hair as he watched our friends drive away.

"You sure you don't want to go?"

"It'll be fine, Jacob. I think sometimes you forget I am half vampire."

"How?" I whispered not finishing the entire question or thought.

"_Henry the eighth I am, I am. Henry the eighth I am, I am."_

My mouth curled into a smile. Alice had taught him that singing and concentrating on songs or words generally kept my dad from penetrating thoughts I doubted my dad was suspicious, Jacob used it a lot.

He chuckled sending small vibrations through my body. I spun in his arms and stood on the tips of my toes to kiss him. His hands gripped my hips as mine tangled in the hair at the back of his neck. Ripples of pleasure ripped through my body as his tongue swept across my lips. My stomach exploded inside of me as my excitement grew.

"Oh, sorry." Nahuel's voice was clear as a bell in the damp evening air. I broke away from Jacob and fell back onto the balls of my feet, my hands slid down to his chest. My breathing was a little labored.

"No problem, everything alright?"

"Yes, Ara, Orion and I were going to watch a movie, we wanted to know if you and your friend wanted to join us?"

Jacob's hands tensed on my hips again, but I knew what I would find if I looked at him. I felt the small growl vibrate around his chest under my palms. I didn't know what was wrong with him, but I planned on asking him, so I answered Nahuel first.

"That sounds great, we'll be right there."

Nahuel hesitated at the door before smiling and disappearing through it. I turned my attention back to Jacob; his eyes were still on the door and filled with the same blackness they had been earlier.

"What's the matter with you?" I whispered, taking his hand and pulling him further away from the house. "He's being polite and trying to include you, why are you so angry?"

"He's testing my patience."

"What are you talking about?"

"The way he says your _friend_ like it's a dirty word; then that interruption and those smiles. He's taunting me Nessie."

"I think you're overreacting. That interruption wasn't intentional, and I really don't think his smiles are meant to be taunting. Is this about yesterday? I told you we were just friends, Jake. You're the only one I'm in love with, you're the only one I'll ever love."

Jacob's frame relaxed and he bent down and kissed the tip of my nose. "It's not you I don't trust, Nessie, it's him. He knows he affects me. He saw that yesterday and he's using it."

"Jake, I think you're reading too much into it. He knows we're just friends, he knows I love you; he's my friend I don't think he would do that."

Jacob sighed and stood up straight, towering over me again. I laid my head against his chest and closed my eyes listening to his heart as it pounded with anger.

"Will you try to get along with him? Please,"

"For you, anything." He sighed and planted a kiss on the top of my head. We stood like that for a while, just enjoying one another's company. I knew it was rude but I was making the best of the time we had alone while we could.

I took his hand and lead him back towards the house. I couldn't see what he seemed to be seeing. I knew that Nahuel held some affection for me, he'd even told me that. He knew how I felt about Jacob though; and I honestly didn't believe that he would taunt him. It did nothing; and it would never change the way I felt about Jacob. I just needed to keep my eyes open.

We joined my friends on the second floor landing, Jacob took a seat and pulled me into his lap; I didn't miss the look he gave Nahuel, but I didn't have the heart to reprimand him for it. I had caused this problem and I wouldn't punish him for my stupid judgment.

I curled into his chest, trying to bring his attention back to me. It worked; his hand ran down the side of my body and curled around my thigh. My heart pounded in my chest as I fought the impulse to think about him in that way.

Ara didn't miss a beat and leaned forward, her eyes met mine and I could see every question she had for me behind them. All I could do was grin. I would answer her questions, but it wouldn't be now, and it would be far away from my father's gift.

Jacob wasn't making it easy to not think about him. His thumb drifted across the fabric above my jeans sending small shivers through the skin. My head fell against his shoulder as I tried to focus on the screen.

My blinks got longer though and I finally relented closing my eyes. I felt comfortable and content now I had him back with me. I knew I would sleep better than I had since I had pushed him away, but probably not as well as I had slept last night. The heavy darkness washed over me and pulled me into a happy oblivion.

I woke up in Jacob's arms; I was laid in bed still fully dressed. Jacob was curled around me snoring soundly. I could happily wake up like that forever. The gray light filtered through the large windows, dancing across the floor of my room.

I slid carefully from his embrace, I could tell he hadn't been sleeping much, and I knew it had been my fault. He deserved a lay in; so I headed into the bathroom and took a shower. I crept out of the bathroom and into my closet, still not wanting to wake him. If there was any breakfast left, I was planning on taking a plate up to him.

The house was quiet as I danced down the stairs, I knew there was a lot going on but I couldn't stop my heart from feeling light as I breezed around the house. It was quiet; quieter than it should be considering we were expecting company. I headed towards the kitchen and found Ara sitting alone picking at a bagel.

"Nessie,"

"Morning, Ara; sorry I crashed last night."

"You were tired," she laughed. "I should know."

I flitted around the kitchen and started looking for something I had the ability to cook. There was bacon and eggs in the refrigerator so I pulled them out. "You hungry, Ara?"

"Yes, this bread isn't very satisfying."

I laughed gently and held the door open to the trash. She dumped it in there brushed her hands together. "Are you going to teach me?"

"If you like, I'm no Esme, but I can cook eggs. Has Nahuel and Orion eaten?"

"No they are still asleep; they watched another movie after the one you fell asleep watching. Jacob took you to bed and I was close to passing out, you're fatigue overwhelmed me."

"I'm sorry," I laughed.

"No, don't apologize; I prefer waking early."

Ara ended up doing most of the cooking, I directed and answered her questions, turning the bacon when she occasionally forgot and became distracted by something else. We spent more time laughing than anything else. Orion and Nahuel eventually joined us, both were impressed that their sister was cooking. Nahuel was put in charge of the waffles and Orion the sausages we'd found.

Our small breakfast had turned into a buffet; Nahuel was having trouble getting lumps out of the waffle batter and we were in the process of laughing at his frustration when he threw a handful of flour at Ara. The white cloud hit her and scattered everywhere. The entire kitchen went silent.

Ara's eyes narrowed and she strolled towards her brother looking terrifying. Orion stepped forward to stop them but I held her back. I had a feeling I knew what Ara was going to do. Orion looked at me concerned, I kissed her cheek and skipped up behind Nahuel.

Ara stood toe to toe with him, her eyes narrowed as she glared at him. He hand dipped into the flour in one quick snap, and before I could even blink, the white powder was falling from his hair. Ara doubled over laughing, but before Nahuel could counter I pulled the bag of flour away and held it to my chest.

Nahuel spun and looked at me with wide eyes.

"What are you doing Nessie?"

"Removing the problem, Nahuel." I laughed.

"Oh really?"

I nodded backing away from him; the giggles were consuming me now. Nahuel reached out and tapped the bottom of the bag in my arms; a cloud of white rose and dusted my face lightly. I could feel it hanging from my eyelashes.

My mouth fell open and I plunged my hand into the bag projecting a large handful at him. I took off running around the table in the breakfast room, throwing flour whenever Nahuel got too close. Nahuel backed away to the pantry and opened it up. He kept his eyes on me as he pulled out a new bag.

"You wouldn't,"

Nahuel grinned and opened the bag, but Ara was quicker, she ran past him quickly slapping the bag before pulling it from his grip.

"Orion, are you going to let them team up on me like this?"

"Nahuel, you started it," She laughed, stirring the eggs, "And I am cooking."

Ara took a handful of flour and flung it at her sister. Orion ducked and broke out into fits of laughter as the flour hit the window and rained down into the sink. In an impulse move, I threw a handful of flour at Ara, ducking behind a chair when she retaliated; I hadn't noticed Nahuel sneaking up behind me. He pulled the bag from my arms and dumped a handful on the top of my head. I stood up and spun around, I pulled the bag from him but it ripped; the white powder flew up into the air before it showered down on us. Ara was crouched down now laughing hard. The bag of flour sat on the floor in front of her.

Nahuel and I looked at one another before taking off; the two of us were pushing one another as we tried to get to the bag. Nahuel gripped me around the waist and placed me behind him as he took off again. I grabbed his shirt and swung around him but he tightly wrapped his arms around my waist and picked me up. I kicked my legs but it was futile, his grip was to tight around me, and I was laughing too hard to be effective at escape.

Ara had gathered her senses now and took two handfuls of flour and flung it at us. I squirmed in Nahuel's hands laughing as Ara continued her double assault. Nahuel started using me as a shield and I squealed, through the laughter.

"Holy crap," I heard Jacob's voice behind me and turned in Nahuel's grip to look at him.

"Morning, Jake. We cooked." I stilled my wriggling hoping that Nahuel would put me down; he did but kept his arms around my waist. I slapped his hands away and danced towards Jacob who welcomed me with open arms.

He grinned at me and kissed me on the lips.

"Well, Orion finished up for us." I laughed pointing at the table Orion was now placing the cooked food on.

"Esme, is going to throw a fit," He laughed, dragging me to the table. That's when it suddenly dawned on me.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, suddenly realizing the house was too quiet.

Ara shrugged her shoulders, "It was like this when I woke up."

My heart came to a standstill in my chest and Jacob immediately noticed. "What is it, honey?"

"The nomads."

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**A/N: :) I know some of you will be disappointed by lack of insane Edward, but Jacob and Nessie were too intent on hiding their secret, and the rest of the family was a little distracted about the nomads. I promised Daddy Edward will discover the deflowering of his precious Nessie eventually, just not yet :) I hope you were able to follow Nessie's thought pattern it was a little scattered due to the attempt at blocking her dad. You could always let me know :)  
**

**The song for this chapter is MODERN GUILT by BECK, As always there is a media player on my websire where you can hear all of the chapter title songs. There is a link on my profile.**

**Orioncat, I love ya chick and you are in my thoughts. Vicki . . . you frigging rock! I am running out of witty comments . . . I am only human :)**

**Thank you for the alerts and faves . . . AND THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS; SERIOUSLY I LOVE YOU GUYS, YOU ENCOURAGE ME AND MAKE ME LAUGHA ND SMILE EVERY TIME I GET A REVIEW FROM YOU. YOU SERIOUSLY ROCK!!! **

**SEE YOU ON SUPERBOWL SUNDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	26. Chapter 25: Barefoot Dancing

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

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**_**Chapter 25: Barefoot Dancing**

I took off out of the house covered in flour from head to toe and completely barefoot. I jumped down the steps and sniffed the air, it wouldn't be hard to follow their scent; they'd obviously taken off in a group. My heart pounded furiously in my chest as a faint and fading scent hit my senses.

"Nessie," Jacob was behind me in a second, his arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled my back against his chest. "Calm down, think about this."

"Where else could they be, Jake? They know the nomads are due, they wouldn't just leave us and the house unattended."

Jacob kept his arm wrapped around my waist and pulled out his cell phone, but it wasn't needed. I could hear the footsteps across the bracken about two miles out. It was relatively new so they had only just passed into my hearing range.

"Mom?" I didn't have to raise my voice, she'd hear me this close.

I didn't have to wait for an answer because I could hear her sprinting through the trees at breakneck speeds, she broke through the tree line; her eyes widened when she saw Jacob restraining me.

"What's going on?" She asked; there was a smile in her voice. "And what are you covered in?"

Jacob put me on my feet and I stood still; "Where were you?"

"Alice had another vision; we went to meet the nomads." Her smile faltered slightly. "Why, what's the matter?"

I put my hand up and bent over so I could fill my lungs with air. White powder spilled from my hair and dusted the ground below me. I sucked in the air and tried to let my mind calm my body down. They were safe.

"She was worried," Jacob muttered, rubbing my back gently. It helped calm me down a little.

"We didn't think you'd be up so early." My mom was crouched in front of me now, her hands planted on my cheeks. "Its fine, sweetheart. They were on the hunt so we had to meet them before they reached town, Alice saw they were friendly as soon as we made the decision to go."

I looked up at her and flung my arms around her neck. She ran her hands through my hair as she held me to her. Jacob chuckled and stepped away.

"What do you have all over you? Is that; flour?"

"Ah," I bit my lip and held her at arms length. "If we have visitors, you may want to take them through the front door."

My mom frowned but I could see the smile dancing behind her eyes. "Why?"

I stood up straight again and took her hand, guiding her towards the house. We strolled in through the back door where Nahuel, Orion and Ara were attempting to clean up. My mom's laughter filled the room as she surveyed the mess.

"I'm sorry I missed this."

I grinned and dropped her hand. "I'll clean it up, I promise."

My mom giggled gently, and Nahuel dropped the broom he was holding and made his way over to us. His hand came to rest on the small of my back as he stopped beside me, it was a simple gesture but I was highly aware of Jacob's reaction. He was tense and his eyes darkened as they focused on Nahuel's hand.

"Bella, I started this; I apologize."

"You were having fun," my mom sighed gently. "I'll go and divert everyone to the front of the house, eat before it gets cold, you can clean all this up afterwards."

She kissed me quickly on the forehead before disappearing through the door again. I stepped away from Nahuel's hand, picking up Jacob's hand with a gentle squeeze. I knew Nahuel's subconscious gesture had upset him.

"Are you hungry?"

Jacob wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck gently. "Very,"

I almost choked on the breath that stuck in my throat, I wasn't sure if he had intended that word to carry as many connotations as it had, but my mind very almost got me in trouble before I successfully created a diversion.

"Let's eat," I sighed.

We ate quickly, listening to the conversation that was going on in the living room. It was apparent that the nomads were two men; they had been traveling together for a couple of months, flying under the radar. They asked all of the obvious question; how were we able to keep permanent residence? How our coven had become so large?

We cleaned up the mess on the floor before even attempting to sneak upstairs for a shower. It was obviously no use though; the visitors were in the living room, which led to the only access to the second floor. We could scale the outer walls of the building, but I wasn't sure any of the doors would be unlocked.

I couldn't help giggling again as I looked at my friends, we were all incredibly dusted white the fine white powder, Jacob was the only one who look half decent, yet in his effort to help us clean, he too had become covered.

"It's useless," Ara whispered quietly. "We'll have to go through there."

She was right of course, and I almost had to fight the fit of giggles that waved below the surface. I tried to imagine what I would think if I were in the nomads shoes. They'd just met a coven of well-dressed, charismatic vampires who spoke eloquently and were highly educated. They were now going to be subjected to four half vampire and a shape shifting wolf covered in flour from head to toe.

"This should be interesting," I laughed, picking up Jacob's hand.

I dragged us both out of the kitchen, towards the living room. My dad had cut off mid sentence when we came around the corner, his words trailed into a chorus of laughter. All eyes turned to us and all I could do was grin.

My mom pressed her lips together before composing herself enough to speak. "This is our daughter Renesmee, and her boyfriend, and family friend, Jacob."

"Daughter?"

"Yes, it's a long story." Carlisle answered chuckling, his eyes on our dusty forms.

Ara and Orion came to stand beside me; Nahuel was at the furthest end of them.

"These are her friends, Nahuel, Orion and Ara. They're visiting from Brazil."

"This is Will and Simon." Carlisle announced, nodding at the two men on the couch.

Ara leaned into me slowly, her voice was lower to the point I barely caught it. "Stop it, Nessie."

"Stop what?" I whispered back, smiling at the two men on the couch.

"That's not you?"

"What?"

"Would you excuse us? We really need to clean up." Ara said gripping my hand tightly.

Before anyone could answer, Ara and I were alone at the top of the stairs. She pulled me to my room and pushed the door closed behind us. She dropped my hand and paced silently.

"Okay, do you want to explain what just happened?" I laughed, heading towards my closet to find something new to wear.

"I felt a strong emotion; I thought it was you because my lines seem to be so blurred with you. It's the feeling that always rushes through you when Jake looks or touches you in a certain way."

I felt the blush creep into my cheeks, before it occurred to me that Jacob hadn't touched me in the living room. I turned slowly and smiled at Ara.

"Which one?"

"Excuse me?"

"Jacob didn't even hold my hand down there. Those emotions were yours," I laughed playfully. "Which of those two guys down there caught your eye?"

Ara collapsed onto the bed and stared at me blankly, "That was me?"

I nodded slowly, "You've never had that emotion before?"

Ara shook her head. "Never, it's why I thought it was you."

"It's perfectly natural Ara." I said making my way over to her, I sat on the bed and took her hand in mine. It was almost a little upsetting that this beautiful woman had never experienced emotions like this before. She had lived longer than my parents; yet it had been in solitude with only her siblings to keep her company. My heart ached a little for her.

"It's called attraction, did you think you wouldn't find someone that caught your eye?"

"Ness, I . . ." she shook her head, "No, I don't think I did. I've never even considered it before, we live such a secluded life in Brazil, and there aren't many that pass through our small home."

I considered that; I couldn't even imagine not knowing my future, being uncertain that I would ever find someone to love. Jacob had been in my life since birth. I had loved him in some capacity since; it made it difficult to even imagine Ara's circumstance.

"I don't know what to do," she whispered.

I stood up from the bed and walked to the door.

"What are you doing?"

"Trust me," I laughed, pulling it open a little. I should have known what I would find on the other side, she would have seen the effect my decision had made. I laughed and pulled the door all the way open. Alice danced inside grinning.

Ara's eyes widened as my aunt danced towards her. "First things first, jump in the shower Ara."

"What?"

"Nessie, made a decision to help you; that included me, so she will fill me in while you take a shower."

Ara sat still on the bed; I couldn't help but laugh at the helpless look she was wearing. I walked to the bed and picked up her hand, pulling her up off the bed and guiding her towards the bedroom door. She froze and dug her heels in.

"Ara, just go and take a shower in your room; come back in here when you're finished. I'll explain everything."

Ara nodded and disappeared through the door, I turned to my aunt and grinned. "Are you up for this challenge?"

"Nessie; you know I can work with anything, Ara is beautiful, it won't take much. How about you jump in the shower and fill me in on the blanks?"

I smiled and nodded heading towards the bathroom. Alice took a seat on the counter as I explained everything, from Ara's gift, which I was sure she was aware of, to the latest development downstairs. Alice was even more enthusiastic after the explanation. It wasn't often we got the chance to play matchmaker.

By the time I jumped of the shower and pulled my towel around me, Ara had already returned.

"Sit," Alice commanded. Ara obeyed but looked at me helplessly. All I could do was laugh and disappear into my bedroom. I had been the woman's dress up doll my entire life, she was a force of nature.

I dressed in a pair of comfortable sweats and waited for Alice to work her magic, she flitted into my closet a couple of times. I laughed as I watched them, the door to the bathroom was open and I could see the phenomenal transformation Alice was conducting. I hadn't really realized that Ara was a bit of a tomboy, she'd always worn her hair up, and jeans and a t-shirt were about as adventurous as her wardrobe went. Seeing her with her long dark hair falling down her back, and wearing a snug pair of jeans with a beautiful figure-hugging sweater was quite a contrast.

I applauded Alice's efforts as Ara did a quick spin in my room. Alice bowed comically before dancing towards the door again.

"Esme," she said before strolling back into the room. Ara was staring in the mirror stunned at her reflection. Esme appeared quickly with a tentative smile. Her eyes widened at Ara's appearance when she was finally able to see her.

"Ara, you look stunning."

Ara grinned when she was finally able to peel herself away from her reflection. "Thank you Esme, and thank you Alice. I have never seen myself like this before."

Alice beamed and picked up my hand, "Esme, I think we should throw a little welcoming party for our new friends. Nothing big, just us, some music and a couple of decorations."

Esme's eyes narrowed, "What are you up to, Alice?"

Alice's bell like laugh pealed through the room, she jumped from the bed and looped her arm through Esme's, guiding her towards the door, and she turned and winked at me once before disappearing completely. Alice liked any excuse for a party and I knew how quickly it would be arranged.

"Do I really look okay? I feel beautiful, but . . ."

"You look gorgeous, Ara." I laughed; I didn't even know your hair was so long.

Ara giggled nervously and looked in the mirror again, flicking the dark strands over her shoulder. She turned from side to side looking at herself in every angle. Her eyes widening and narrowing as she drank in every detail.

I heard footsteps coming down the hall and I couldn't help but smile, a light tapping at the door followed it. He always tended to stay away when Alice was in makeover mode.

"Come in, Jake."

Jacob strolled through the door, his eyes widened as he caught sight of Ara.

"What do you think?" I asked. "We need a guys opinion."

Ara spun and looked at him wide eyed, I could see how nervous she really was; she had absolutely no idea how beautiful she was.

"Wow, or would absolutely gorgeous be a better description?" he asked playfully. I smiled at him warmly.

Ara blushed and bit her lip nervously. "Really?"

Jacob chuckled and kissed the top of my head, "You look great, what's the occasion?"

Ara spun and looked at me but I just winked. "We're having a little party, to welcome our guests. You know how Alice is. Why don't you take a shower while I get dressed?" I tapped his chest with my hand before pointing to the bathroom.

He sauntered towards the door before giving me a quick wink. I shook my head and headed towards the closet again; so much for the comfort I had opted for the first time. I pulled out a pair of jeans and looked for the sweater I knew Jacob liked on me.

"What do I do?" Ara asked sticking her head in the closet. I could see the nervousness emanating from her. She stepped inside and ran her fingers along the hem of the shirt hanging next to where she stood. "I've never felt this nervous before. My stomach is flipping . . . or is that you?"

"No," I laughed gently, "It's not me. It's perfectly normal to feel this nervous though. Try and relax, Alice is an expert at things like this. She's planning the party to make it less conspicuous. Just go with it, be yourself and have fun."

I heard the shower cut off in the bathroom and knew Jacob would be waiting to come into the room to find some clothes. "Jacob needs to get dressed; so just find your brother and sister and tell them to get dressed for the party. I'll be with you as soon as I can."

Ara threw her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. "Thank you, Nessie. I don't know what I'd do without you."

With that, she disappeared from the closet, and I heard the bedroom door click as she pulled it closed behind her. Alice had put some clothes for Jacob in my closet, it was part of her quest to keep Jacob well dressed. She would often rifle through his things and throw out his clothes after replacing them with others. Jake always got upset, but he would thank her anyway, he knew she meant well. I rifled through his small corner of clothes and pulled out some black slacks and a button up shirt. The dress shoes that would match were on the highest shelf in my closest. I was tall but not that tall. I wasn't even sure how Alice had gotten them up there.

I stretched on my toes to reach, straining as my fingers brushed the underside of the shelf. I gasped when Jacob's arms circled around my waist and pulled me into him. I could smell his scent on his damp skin and it clouded my mind.

"Need some help gorgeous?"

I spun in his arms and captured the gloriousness of him only wearing a towel. I tried to shut down my mind before it took off but it was useless, my arms wrapped them around his neck and I pulled him to me until our lips met.

"Ness," Jacob's voice came in a growl.

"I know," I said around his lips sighing. He chuckled slightly.

His arms circled my waist once I refused to let him go and I knew I had misinterpreted what he was saying when the towel pooled around my feet.

"Oops,"

"Oh crap," I couldn't help laughing at the situation we were in, one look down and my dad would see the compromising situation we were in. I closed my eyes and stepped away from him, willing myself not to look. I held the clothes up in the air for him to take. He chuckled as he pulled them from my grasp. He kissed me once on the lips and guided me towards the door.

"I'll be right out."

"'Kay," I squeaked, still trying to find the strength of my will power.

Jacob's bark of a laugh filled the closet space as he pulled the door closed behind him. I let my eyes slide open and took a breath, blocking thoughts that threatened to fill my mind. If I wasn't careful I would have to resort to singing as well and that would be highly suspicious. I took a deep breath and listened to the near silence. Near, because I could hear conversations going on outside. In my curiosity, I slid the glass door open and stepped out onto the balcony. Below me, Alice was directing Jasper and Emmett around the small space.

Colorful paper lanterns were being hung from the trees around the patch of grass, I could hear the stereo equipment being set up on the small porch downstairs, and I knew Esme would be in the kitchen cooking up a small feast for those of us who ate.

It was still early in the day, I was sure Alice would time the start perfectly with the setting of the sun, if nothing else she was thorough. I had no idea what we would do to kill the hours in between, but I knew Alice had a plan.

She did, she had me, Jacob and my Brazilian friends entertain Will and Simon as the rest of the family organized the exterior of the house for the less than small shindig she was now preparing. The only entertainment we really had to offer was our movie selection or games.

Ara was a bundle of nervous energy; I still had no idea which of the two vampires she found attractive. They sat in the theater seating eyeing Jacob nervously. It seemed neither of them could decide what he was, and his smell seemed to deter them from getting any closer.

I appraised them from a distance because I knew Jacob wouldn't let me out of his sight. Will, the taller of the two had dirty blond hair that curled at the ends, his red eyes were set perfectly into his well-chiseled face. As all vampires were, his body was perfect just a little more defined. The other, Simon was a little shorter, his brown hair fell into his eyes concealing the crimson that I knew was there. His features were a little more distinct than Will's, softer even, he was muscular and athletic looking.

Everyone in the room was silently staring at the screen, there was a slight discomfort surrounding us all. I felt bad for Ara; she hadn't said a word since we'd sat down. I was trying to start a conversation, but it was hard considering there was nothing to talk about.

"You look curious?" I didn't recognize the voice so I diverted my eyes to the two new additions. Will was staring at me with a smile

"Did you say something?" I asked. I looked around the room; but everyone was looking at me like I'd lost my mind, all except Simon.

Will smiled and shook his head diverting his eyes back to the screen. I knew I'd heard his voice, or someone's voice, anyway.

"You did." The voice said again.

"_Can you hear me?_" I asked in my thoughts.

"Only when you direct questions at me. I'm a telepath; it's similar to your father's gift, but I can only hear thoughts you direct at me, and I can answer you. I apologize if I'm intruding; you just looked so curious. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me."

"_You're Will?_"

"Yes, I am Will. Please don't be offended."

I smiled and looked at the screen. "_I'm not; this is actually kind of interesting."_

"May I ask you a question?"

"_Of course,_"

"Your boyfriend; he's not human, and he's not a vampire. Could you tell me what he is?"

"_I'm surprised my dad didn't tell you. It's not really a big secret; he's a shape-shifter; but he only takes on one form. A wolf_"

"Interesting; is he the only one of his kind? You and your friends are all half breeds?"

"_There's a large pack of wolves around here; it's one of the reasons we prefer you not to hunt here. And yeah the four of us are half human half vampire; strange world isn't it. The male actually saved our lives; We're all close friends, have been for around ten years . . . which reminds me; Could you do me a favor Will?_"

"Of course, you have been very honest with me Renesmee,"

"_Move,_"

"Excuse me?"

"_Move in your seat or something, I'm trying to figure something out. I will explain._"

Will crossed one of his legs over the other and I watched Ara closely. I was safe in my own head at least, as long as I didn't speak to him directly, I could use this to my advantage. Ara's eyes flickered once to Will and then back to the screen. She took a deep breath and her hands twitched in her lap. I smiled and looked at Will, who had followed my gaze.

"_Thanks Will_."

Will's eyes moved from me to Ara and back again. I could almost see the light bulb go off over his head as he pieced it together. He said nothing more on the subject, but I knew that he had figured it out. I just hoped he was smart enough to do something about it.

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**A/N: Happy Sunday you awesome people ****:)****. I apologize for lack of drama, but hey . . . I know what happens so you can't be too mad lol. Just a forewarning the next couple of chapters may be a little fluffy, actually that's probably the wrong word, but still I think you'll see what I mean. It's so hard trying to write an authors note when I know what's going to happen LOL. Let me know what you think of this chapter, you know I enjoy hearing your thoughts :P.**

**The song for this chapter is BAREFOOT DANCING by BLACKBUD. They are an awesome band. You can hear the track on my media player on my website. There should be a link in my profile. If not, it's my penname (dot) com. Just click on the Shadow of a Doubt link and it should take you there ****:)****.**

**Orioncat, I hope everything is well with you. Vicki . . . 178 Days!!! We're gonna have a blast! If anyone else is going to Twicon . . . See ya there.**

**Thank you for all the alerts and faves, and . . . as always . . . THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THE REVIEWERS YOU GUYS REALLY ARE THE MOST AWESOME PEOPLE AROUND. I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH WORDS IN MY VOCABULARY TO THANK YOU OR TELL YOU THE HUNDRED KINDS OF AWESOME YOU ARE . . . YOU GUYS ROCK! SERIOUSLY! THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU GUYS.**

**TILL TUESDAY – MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ – L -**


	27. Chapter 26: You're The One

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

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Chapter 26: You're The One

Alice had outshone herself, especially in the time frame she'd been given to arrange everything. I shouldn't have doubted her really, she was, after all, Alice. As the sun fell behind the line of trees on the horizon, Alice hit the small switch she had connected to the large array of lights. The small space between the house and trees was now glowing with a romantically warm ebbing light. Several hues danced across the space throwing tall shadows of trees into the forest surrounding us.

The large speakers were set up on the porch with a stack of CD's I knew belonged to Alice. She had an eclectic collection that I adored, between her and my father I had a complete catalog to chose from. My favorite were some of the music she'd picked up from New Orleans when she'd searched for remnants of her human life. Still she always shared her music with me and I couldn't help but smile at the stack she had chosen.

The evening was perfect, and as Alice had foreseen, our guests had arrived on an unusually dry day for Darrington. As the night fell, the lights sparkled against the darkening backdrop, it was picturesque. Every light was positioned perfectly, and evenly spaced. The brightest light in the area shone on the food, and a make-shift dance floor had been created just for the occasion.

The music filled the space as we interacted with our guests, Jacob and my mom sat on the steps of the porch watching Alice and Jasper dancing in the basking glow of lights, while Rosalie and Emmett chatted with our guests. Orion and Nahuel were with Carlisle and Esme, but Ara was nowhere to be found. I knew where I would find her.

I excused myself and headed towards the house. Jacob afforded me a kiss before I passed him up the porch steps and headed into the house. I jogged slowly up the stairs and came to a stop outside of Ara's room, tapping lightly on the door. I waited for her to respond.

"Come in." Her voice was soft. She was sat in an armchair that was placed against a bookshelf in the corner of the room. Her legs were pulled to her chest and her chin rested against her knees. She gave me a weak smile as I slid through the door and leaned against the wall beside it.

"What are you doing up here alone?"

"I can't do this Nessie, I get flustered when I even think of talking to him." She said burying her head in her knees. I smiled and stepped forward. Her long dark hair fell over her knees and shook as she mentally reprimanded herself.

I perched on her bed and looked at her. "Ara, I will be with you the entire time if you think that'll help, but if you don't come downstairs with me, I will carry you. I know how confusing it can be; and I know how nervous you feel. If you don't go down there though, you'll regret it. You'll never know what could have been. Believe me, this is all part of the process."

"Did you feel this way with Jacob?" She asked lifting her head so she could see me.

"In a way, yes. When I realized I loved him, I didn't know how to act around him anymore; it was awkward because although I knew he'd imprinted on me. I wasn't sure it was what he wanted for himself, or whether it was just a compulsive need."

Ara raised her eyebrows. She looked at me doubtfully. "He has always loved you, Nessie; at least it was very obvious when you came to Brazil."

"I don't have your gift, Ara. I couldn't have known that. Even if I had known, I would have still doubted it because what I feel is so strong, almost impossibly so."

Ara sighed and buried her face behind her legs again, her forehead came to rest on her knees. I moved from the bed and crouched down in front of her, taking her hands in mine and squeezing them gently.

"There's no pressure here Ara, except for what you're putting on yourself. Just come downstairs and have fun with us. If it doesn't work out, oh well, at least you were at the party having fun."

I stood up and tugged on her hands, "Come on; Alice is about to play mine and Jake's song, you know you don't want to miss those emotions."

Ara laughed and let her legs fall to the floor, I gave a good hard tug on her hands and she sprung out of the seat. She smiled warmly at me.

"Fun, that's all that's required of you this evening."

"Fun, got it," she laughed and followed me out of the room.

As I had predicted, Jacob was looking for me inside when we came down the stairs, the strums of the guitar signifying the beginning of our song floated to us from outside. Jacob's smile beamed at me as I reached the bottom. He held out his arm and grinned at me.

"May I have this dance?"

I curtsied playfully, "You may."

I looped my arm through Jacob's and let him pull me outside, I didn't relinquish my grip on Ara until we were outside, and everyone had noted her presence. I let go as Jacob led me out into the open space and pulled me to his chest. My dad had been teaching him to dance for years. It started because it was required of him at Sam's wedding, then at Sue and Charlie's. The latest had been Jared and Kim's.

This was never that kind of dance though, we had adopted this song as our own and we would simple hold one another and sway to beat, occasionally singing the words to the song. I let my head rest on his chest as he moved us around in an odd shaped square. Alice and Jasper were dancing as well, and eventually everybody grabbed a partner and headed to the center of light.

Will approached Ara and smiled, offering her his hand. She placed hers in his and let him lead her to the dance floor. Simon asked Orion, who agreed, and that left one person alone.

I felt so guilty about Nahuel standing alone, but there was no way I was interrupting this dance with Jacob, it was our song and that would be unforgivable.

I buried my head into Jacob's chest and tried not to think about it, instead I concentrated on his heart and his breaths. I found it easy to lose myself into him that way because my heart was screaming his name. I could feel his hands as the flexed against the skin of my back, his head as it settled on the top of mine. I was surrounded by Jacob and I couldn't be happier.

We swayed with one another and I couldn't help but laugh as Jacob took my hand and spun my from him before pulling me back against his chest. His head once again rested on top of mine and he hummed the tune. The sound sent small vibrations throughout my body and I shivered a little. I could stay like this forever.

As the song drifted to a close I found myself comfortable in the little world I was wrapped in. I could hear the others move from the dance floor, but I clung to Jacob tightly waiting for the next song to start. It wasn't as slow as the last so I finally released him from my grip smiling up at him.

He planted his lips in my hair and ran his hands up and down my back as he guided me from the dance floor. I looked around to find Ara and smiled she was stood close to Will, talking to him animatedly. She looked happy.

I caught Alice's eye and winked, as Jake and I headed towards my parents. Orion was stood with them smiling at her sister.

"Is this what she's been nervous about all day?" Orion whispered when I reached her.

I nodded grinning, taking another look back at Ara. Orion beamed.

"So that's what you and your aunt were up to this morning." My mom said playfully. "Any excuse for a party, and Alice will find it."

"Hey, I heard that." Alice said dancing towards us. "Bella, I thought you'd gotten over your aversion to small gatherings."

My mom laughed musically and embraced her sister; planting a kiss on her forehead. "I have, but you still amaze me."

"I'll take that as a complement, Bella Cullen." Alice laughed, winking at me.

"That's how it was intended,"

I giggled at the exchange as I sat on the porch steps between Jacob's legs. I let my eyes roam around the glowing space, and watched as those around us interacted. I was surprised at how easy it all seemed to be. I had forgotten the pleasures of being around unusual vampires with new talents. I was too young to really appreciate it the last time we'd had any guests.

Jacob's fingers ran systematically through my hair sending tingles running through my skull. Ara would occasionally shoot glances at me, and I knew she was unsure whether it was her emotions or mine that were going through the roof. I imagined she was having duel emotions running parallel through her. My happiness and content, and her own attraction and excitement, the thought alone overwhelmed me.

It was easy to watch people at a distance, especially when they were unaware of your eyes. It was obvious how much love filled this small space, and how considerate and affectionate people became when they believed the had a moment of privacy. I was in awe of my family, there really was more love and adoration than I could ever have imagined possible. I was lucky enough to have been brought amongst them, it made it easy for me to love.

Nahuel was the only one stood on the side lines; he was people watching too. I tried to keep my eyes away from him, I knew I could be too compassionate sometimes, and I didn't want that to take precedence over Jacob's feelings. Trying to engage Nahuel into a conversation with the two of us could be detrimental to the small truce they seemed to have at the moment. Truce was putting it lightly, the simply ignored one another and pretended the other didn't exist.

I couldn't just leave Nahuel to suffer alone though. Orion was in a deep conversation with Simon; I could see she wasn't romantically inclined to him, but she was enjoying herself. Alice and Jasper were chatting animatedly to Rosalie and Emmett; I could hear them laughing about an event that had long since passed. Remembering the smaller details with waves of laughter.

My mom was currently being twirled around the makeshift dance floor by Carlisle, and my dad was attempting to swing dance with Esme; the two of them laughing when they had pulled off a particularly complex move.

All the while Nahuel stood alone.

I knew Jacob saw it too; it was hard to miss. He stood at the food table picking at the snacks Esme had put together. Jacob's hands dropped from my hair to my waist and he rested his head on my shoulder. His warm breath danced over my neck leaving small tingles in it's wake.

"Invite him over; I know you won't be happy until you do." he sighed, kissing the skin between my neck and sweater.

I turned my head and caught his lips with mine. "Thank you."

Jacob rolled his eyes and sat up straight again. The depth of his love for me never ceased to amaze me. That he would put himself in such an uncomfortable situation to appease my nurturing side, spoke volumes and it warmed my heart. Not to mention the fact that he knew me so well, he actually guessed what had been running through my mind. No one could every be as attuned to me as Jacob was.

"Nahuel," I said gently, knowing he would hear me over the music that danced around the cool evening air.

His head looked over at me and he smiled, I tipped my head indicating that I was extending an invite. He popped the rest of the food in his hand, into his mouth and strolled towards us slowly, dancing out of the way as Esme twirled past him.

"You look bored," I noted as he sat on the step next to me. He didn't even acknowledge Jacob behind me, and that irked me a little, especially considering Jacob was being considerate.

"Lonely would be more accurate." Jacob mumbled in retaliation to the slight I knew he'd noticed too. I nudged his leg gently with my shoulder. He didn't need to make the point with me, it was blatantly obvious.

"No, I was enjoying watching my sisters interact with the males. Ara seems happy."

"She does, I think this'll be good for her." I sighed gently smiling at Ara as she grinned at me.

A sudden burst of giggles from my mom caught my attention, Carlisle had spun her towards my dad as he caught Esme. The song had changed and my mom buried her head in my dad's chest as he lifted her onto his feet and began to sway them left to right. She laughed gently before sighing and letting her eyes slide closed, apparently lost in some distant memory from her human life.

"Did you want to dance?" Nahuel asked, offering me his hand.

I felt Jacob tense up and growl lightly behind me, but Nahuel ignored him and stood up. "I promise to return you to your _friend_ once the song is over."

"Boy_friend_." I corrected him, hearing the word that seemed to be offending Jacob the most. The overuse of the word and the connotations he implied, hadn't been lost on me either.

Nahuel nodded once and I slipped my hand into his. He pulled me from my seat and I turned to face Jacob. I kissed him on the lips gently, letting him and everyone else that was watching, know that I was his.

"I'll be right back." I whispered.

Jacob nodded once but narrowed his eyes at Nahuel in warning.

I walked into the pool of light, my hand still in Nahuel's. He spun me gently and pulled me to him, his hand sitting lightly on my hip, and he took my other hand in his. He gracefully moved us around the dance floor avoiding my parents and grandparent as he span us.

"You are so graceful, Nessie."

"Knock it off," I laughed, rolling my eyes. "Have you met my parents?"

He laughed lightly and pushed my body into a complex spin, pulling me back to him and catching my waist with his hand. We were a little closer now and I was a little uncomfortable about that. He continued to move us around but I could feel his fingers as they explored the fabric of my sweater, I was beginning to see where Jacob would get the impression that he was taunting him. His hand flexed around mine as he let out a small sigh.

Before I knew it, my dad was beside us asking to cut in. I gladly put my hand in his and let him twirl me away, my mom took the vacant space I had left with Nahuel.

'_Thanks Dad.' _I thought, letting the small flow of relief fill me.

"Jacob was getting upset, it was only a matter of time before he would cut in himself, I didn't like the way he was planning that." he whispered under his breath, his smile perfectly in place on his lips.

"He feels as though Nahuel is taunting him."

"Hmm, it's a possibility. I know that Nahuel is attracted to you; he thinks about that a lot." My dad didn't sound completely enthused by that idea either.

"Dad, not helping."

"Sorry, kiddo. You have the same affliction your mom had; you've too attractive." he laughed and twirled me again.

I had heard this story more than once; how my dad had managed to ward off the other admirers to win my mom. She would always roll her eyes and tell me how much he was exaggerating. Then he would bring Jacob into the discussion. Jacob would always chuckle and bring up the duly dubbed 'three stooges'. Who I knew to be the three boys my mom had attended Fork high with. Then he would laugh and bring up the Newton boy's puke fest at the movies. My mom would laugh and it would set them on a whole new course of reminiscing.

"Still not helping dad," I laughed, kissing him on the cheek, "but I appreciate the effort."

"I know how you feel about Jacob, I just think you have to make that as clear as you can to Nahuel. He may not like it, but you've made your choice and I know you're happy. It's all I have ever wanted for you Ness."

I gave him a big smile and he danced us across to where Jacob was smiling at us from the porch steps. My dad stopped and smiled. "I believe that next dance is yours, Jacob."

Jacob sprung to his feet agilely and swept me out of my fathers arms, I laughed freely and let my head rest against the wide expanse of his chest as he pulled me closer. I didn't even attempt to put my hands on his shoulders, and settled for wrapping them tightly around his waist.

Jacob chuckled and let his cheek come to rest on the top of my head. "I'm sorry, Jacob."

"For what, honey?"

"Not believing you."

I didn't have to say anymore, Jacob knew exactly what I was referring to. He just sighed into my hair and squeezed me with his arms; letting the music guide us across the pooled light. We moved in sync with the music as we glided across the floor. His large arms would hold me tight as he caught me on the backside of a spin, and in his excitement, he would lift me from the ground and kiss my cheek gently.

I knew I would have to be careful from this point, I would always be friends with Nahuel; I loved him like a brother. I just needed to make sure I didn't put him and I in a situation he could use against Jacob. It was probably naive of me to be so forgiving, but I had known him almost as long as I had known Jacob. Not to mention, selfishly, I was afraid if I cut him out; it would mean his sisters would follow suit.

I knew that the limitations I was setting would strain our friendship, but I hoped that maybe, it would force him to see things how they were. I was, and forever would be Jacob's; body, heart, mind and soul.

Nahuel was the first to excuse himself from the joviality of the evening; I knew in some small way I had offended him, but I couldn't constantly follow him around, trying to make up for living my life. Jacob was stood behind me with his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. He knew me well enough to know that I was bothered by it. He kissed the top of my head; letting me know that he understood.

Ara was the first to approach us after he disappeared; her face almost reflected mine.

"I'm sorry about my brother, Nessie; Orion and I will talk to him in the morning. He's being unfair, I felt his emotions towards you and I realize he must be making you uncomfortable." Her eyes flickered to Jacob quickly and then back. I almost rolled my eyes; I hoped that she wasn't developing animosity towards Jacob for this, he really didn't deserve it.

"No, it's fine Ara," I sighed, she was right but I really didn't want to drag her and Orion into this.

Ara giggled and rolled her eyes, "No it's not; I should know remember."

"I know, but I hate to think that I've hurt his feelings."

"He'll be fine," she said blowing it off with a swat of her hand. Her eyes scanned the small grouping before they reconnected with mine. She was changing the subject. "Orion and I have decided to take Simon and Will up to Lake Shannon, it was far enough away from the population that there won't be any temptation. Do you and Jacob want to come with us?"

"Lake Shannon?" Jacob asked.

"We went swimming up there a couple of days ago; well not intentionally, we went to explore." I eyed Ara and grinned, remember too well that she had been the instigator in the fun and games of swimming.

"I'm a bad influence." Ara laughed. "It's beautiful Jake, I know Nessie want's to share it with you. You were all she thought about while we were there."

Ara winked at me and Jacob's arms tightened around my waist. I knew he was happy about the fact I was thinking about him, probably as much as he was thinking about me. I was relieved about her inclusion of Jacob, her subtle contemplation of him before had made me nervous.

"Sounds like fun." Jacob chuckled, burying his face into my neck. His warm breath basked across my skin again and I shuddered in excitement.

Ara giggled as the delight of his touch ran through me. After one last furtive glance, she turned and disappeared towards her sister and the two vampires.

"So you thought about me a lot did you?" Jacob asked, the smile in his voice was obvious.

"I never _stop_ thinking about you," I sighed. "You're all I think about."

Jacob chuckled and stepped away from me, "I'll go and let you're parents know where we're going, we'll need to borrow another car, we're not all going to fit in the Audi."

I liked it when Jacob took initiative like this. He knew my parents were pretty trusting and as long as they knew where I was they generally gave me some space. If I was Jacob, they knew I was safe. It just made sense for him to keep them informed, well, to a certain extent anyway.

"Okay, I'll go and change into some sweats."

"I'll be right up." he whispered, kissing my neck and disappearing.

Ara looked over me expectantly. "I'm going to go change, I'll be right back."

Ara nodded and I disappeared into the house. I tried to walk quietly past Nahuel's door, after the night's progression I didn't really think it was the best idea for him to join us, I just wanted to spend the evening without worrying about his feelings or him being left out again. I tried not to let the guilt eat at me as I eased into my room and let the door close.

I changed into my bathing suit, sweats and a t-shirt, and pulled a sweater over the top. As always I was in my closest changing, it was just easier that way. I heard my bedroom door open and close and smiled to myself. I waited for Jacob to find me in the closet.

"Hey," he grinned pressing his lips to mine once before his smile tugged at his lips.

"Hey, you gonna change too?"

"Yeah, I just need an old pair of cutoffs."

I stretched to the shelves where his clothes were kept and pulled out a pair of black athletic shorts and threw them at him. He pulled off his clothes quickly and stood in only his underwear. I had to fight myself to keep from looking, and Jacob was oblivious to that as he pulled on his shorts.

My heart pounded in my chest as I kept my eyes up top. My mind had a small battle of it's own raging. I was trying not to think, about anything; but my mind kept tugging at the drawstring I had firmly kept in place around those particular thoughts.

I tried to stop myself from thinking anything and sang the song that we had danced to earlier in my head. Jacob straightened out again and pulled me to him planting a kiss on my neck. My legs almost gave out from under me, and I sang the song louder in my head.

I exacted my revenge on poor unsuspecting Jacob, when he released me from his hug, I stepped away and lifted my shirt, before running from the closet and to the door. I knew I was being immature and childish and unfair, but I just sang, not thinking about any of it.

Jacob followed me out of the closet shaking his head in disbelief and I grinned evilly at him. I picked up his hand and led him down the stairs, letting one thought break through the lyrics of the song in my head.

Tonight, was going to be fun.

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**A/N: I told you it was fluff, slow dancing and flirting in the basking glow of paper lanterns. If all of you are wondering what Jake and Nessie's song is, it's the title of the chapter. Those of you who have read Darkest Night will recognize the reference to Alice's trip to New Orleans, sorry I couldn't help myself. Let me know what you thought please, whether I bored you to death or enjoyed it, I am always curious :)**

**The song for this chapter . . . YOU'RE THE ONE by THE BLACK KEYS. It can be heard on the media player on my site, there's a link on my profile :) Same with all the chapters if you wanna listen ;)**

**Thank you to Orioncat; I adore her and she rocks. Vicki for being Vicki, ha ha, like I said the witty comments are dwindling ;)**

**Thank you for the alerts and faves . . . AND AS ALWAYS THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO REALLY ARE AMAZING, THE FACT THAT YOU TAKE THE TIME TO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK INSPIRES ME, AND I ADORE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU . . . YOU ROCK!**

**TILL THURSDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	28. Chapter 27: Goodnight and Go

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

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**_**Chapter 27: Goodnight and Go**

We left the house in two cars; Jacob and I were alone in the Audi, it was something I welcomed. I wasn't in the mood to share him with anyone. The other four had borrowed the Volvo. My dad had watched me carefully as I descended the stairs. I knew he'd seen the little show and my reaction to it as it rolled through my mind. I couldn't fight the blush that stained my cheeks at the memory.

When Jacob appeared behind me, I saw my dad's tawny eyes darken slightly. I reprimanded him in my head and shouldered the blame. I had been the one to let my eyes wander, Jacob had been more undressed than that around me before and I had resisted then.

To back up the imagery, I showed my father a memory of Jacob phasing to his human self in my head. It seemed to appease his curiosity and temporarily excuse my behavior; mainly because there was no image below Jacob's chest, which reiterated my no look strategy.

Ara was driving the Volvo ahead of us and she was coasting along on the roads with no lights on in the vehicle. I followed her closely; Jacob had great eyesight and drove well, but he didn't have my reflexes. We flew in the vehicles. Both of us, I was sure, had the needles on the speedometer kissing the far right of the dial.

I enjoyed this speed, when I had run to Jacob on Friday and pushed my car to these limits; I hadn't appreciated the feel of the car. The force, the power as it propelled us forward. With him by my side; it was enjoyable, exciting and very exhilarating. The sound of the wind as it streamed over my car, made me want to push it harder.

Jacob had taken my hand in his. The gear of the car were as high up as they would go, so I had no need for the appendage at this point; other than to feel the warmth from the hand that belonged to the man I loved.

Now we were away from my family we could be as affectionate as we wanted to be. I hated that we'd put such limitations on our physicality; but I knew my parents would never understand, and they would blame Jacob. They seemed to think I was innocent, which in ways I supposed I was, except when it came to Jacob. I was the one pushing limits; I was the one that had needed him. My parents would neither see that nor believe it; and I winced at the thought of ever having to showing them.

Jacob's fingers traced patterns mindlessly on the back of my hand, flipping it occasionally and tracing the lines of my palm. His touch always left a tingle of pure joy behind it, and I fought the urge to close my eyes and relax into his touch. When I ventured a look at him, I could see the thoughts he was now allowing himself. It was easy to see, it caused the deep brown of his eyes to flame and sparkle. It was pure desire and just knowing it was images of us, together, dancing around his mind; made me shudder with the memory of his touch.

The car ahead slammed on the brakes briefly before taking off again. We were almost there, and I couldn't understand the what had caused Ara to swerve like that. There were no animals in the road, or other cars. I couldn't think what would distract her; well, not until Jacob chuckled.

"What?" I asked, smiling at him gently.

"You can be very oblivious when you're preoccupied."

I frowned gently, but it smoothed out as the realization hit me. "Oops,"

"She probably won't thank you for that." Jacob barked into a laugh.

Of course she would have felt the warm tingle that had taken over my body with the thought. I felt a little guilty for hitting her while she was so unaware; I hoped she would feel that too and translate it into an apology. I had to remember her gift; and constantly be aware of her. Otherwise things could get very complicated.

Then I had an idea. '_Will, if you can hear me; will you please apologize to Ara for me. She'll understand why._'

"_Certainly, Nessie; I'm guessing it was her connection to you that caused the little gasp she let off_." I heard Will's voice in my head as though he was sat next to me, the amusement was obvious.

'_That would be me, sorry.'_

I heard a faint laugh in my head before the sound disappeared completely. Jacob was watching me curiously as I concentrated; he looked amused. I was coasting behind Ara, close enough that the tunnel of air slipping over the Volvo coasted directly over the Audi in the same swift movement.

"What is it?" I asked smiling.

"You, thinking so hard; you look beautiful when you concentrate like that. What were you thinking?"

"I was asking Will to apologize for me." I laughed playfully.

"Did he answer?"

"Yeah, he assumed it was an emotion of mine; Ara had gasped as well as stomping on the brakes."

Jacob chuckled again and squeezed my hand. "This could get interesting."

"Jacob Black," I could see the playful mischief in his eyes; he was planning something. "What are you planning? Don't say nothing, I know you too well for that."

Jacob kissed my palm and then let our entwined hands fall to his lap. "You'll see,"

This was going to be an interesting evening. I pulled my hand from his and downshifted as we pulled into the same parking spot we had used before. I pulled the hand-brake on the car before climbing out; and I danced towards the Volvo and opened the driver's door. "I'm so sorry, Ara; I keep forgetting."

Ara slid out of the car and picked up my hands, thankfully she was laughing. "I have never been so attuned to someone before; it's quite an interesting experience. Is that because of the imprinting?"

"What?" I asked stunned.

"The elevated emotions you have when Jacob touches you?"

"I'm not sure; I've never been in love with anyone other than Jacob. You met my friend Anna and the wolf that imprinted on her, was she the same?"

"Similar; but I think it was harder to attune myself because she was human. I think maybe yours was also stronger because of your vampire side. Esme explained the way vampires love, how it's a life changing thing; how eternal it is."

"Maybe you can let me know," I whispered winking, my eyes flickering to the vampire getting out the other side of the car. He wouldn't be imprinting on her, but I imagined the love he would have for her as a mate could run a parallel to it.

Ara's eyes widened before she blushed and grinned. Jacob came up behind me and kissed my cheek before wrapping his arms around my waist. Ara's rolled her eyes as my usual surge of giddiness enveloped my entire body.

"Where's this beach you keep talking about?" He whispered in my ear, his breath blowing warm air across the side of my face.

"There's a run before we can get there." I answered breathlessly.

Jacob nodded his understanding and we waited for everyone to be ready before we headed towards the small area we had dubbed the beach. It didn't take long for everyone to gather. Orion and Simon were laughing playfully and Ara was sticking close to Will. We locked the cars and took off into the trees.

I took my time and ran alongside Jacob; even in his human form he ran quickly and steadily. I enjoyed running beside him at his pace though; it gave us just a little bit more privacy. We held hands as we sprinted, enjoying the quiet of the night as we darted through the trees. The moon wasn't visible in the thick of the forest but we didn't need it to see where we were going.

There were hundreds of different heartbeats and sounds; the animals scattered as we approached, the gently padding of their paws and hooves echoed around the trees as they scampered into the depths of the forest.

Jacob and I never said a word as we ran, we were in a companionable silence. It was comfortable and easy, as it always was with him.

When we arrived at the beach, the moon bounced from the placid water, the blue light illuminated everything and cast an eerie glow on the pale skin of the vampires that stood close to the water. The rocks that lined the small beach cove glowed in the light making the small area even more magical to me, especially with the man next to me. This was why I wanted to experience this with him, and the night seemed to make it all the more magical.

"How did you find this place?" Jacob asked looking around appreciatively.

"Accident, we were just running along the shore. It's beautiful isn't it."

Jacob nodded silently, pulling me closer. "You wanted to share this with me?"

I nodded and smiled up at him. My heart fluttered in my chest gently at the content that washed through me, but it didn't last. Ara came flying by us and scooped me away from Jacob with a laugh. She had a bikini on this time and ran to the edge of the water, her feet splashing water on me as she broached the shore.

"Ara," I was laughing hard by this point, but I was trying to keep a warning tone in my voice.

"Someone needs cooling off." She laughed, holding me away from her body over the water.

"I'm fully dressed, please let me change."

"Hmm, I could, but what fun would that be?" She laughed, with a flick of her arms, I plunged into the water and it washed over my entire body saturating every strand of hair on my head. Strong hands were wrapped around me pulling me to the surface before I even had time to kick. I broke the surface in a wave of laughter, Ara was deeper in the water laughing.

"Thanks Jacob," she laughed, swimming towards us.

Jacob chuckled and pulled me close. The moonlight bounced from the ripples we were creating and the silence was disturbed by our laughter and splashes. I pulled off my sweats and threw them to the shore, they were weighing me down. Jacob's eyes lingered on my bikini clad body, a hunger washed behind them.

"Ahem,"

Jacob looked at me unabashed and pulled my body towards him again, his lips swept against mine as he pulled me into deeper water. I felt the water as somebody splashed us, but I couldn't let go. I wrapped my legs around his body and locked myself to him. His hands ran across the bare flesh of my back as he pulled me to him.

"Nessie," Ara's voice was almost breathless as she called my name. Jacob's lips curved into a smile around mine and we broke apart breathlessly.

"You did that on purpose." I breathed into his ear.

"Yes and no," he laughed, tightening his arms around my waist. My arms were wrapped around his neck, enjoying being on his level. "You look irresistible in that bikini, and I really couldn't help that part of myself."

My entire body tingled from his words and I wished, fleetingly, that we were alone. Jacob chuckled as I flexed the muscles in my legs, the slight friction I had caused between us brought a light whimper to my lips.

"You two are insatiable." Ara breathed, swimming past us. "Don't make me put you in opposite corners."

I knew she was right, and I knew we were being rude; but it felt as though it had been eons since Jacob and I had spent that wonderful night alone together. I craved his touch, and I was enjoying the freedom of thinking about it.

Ara was treading water by us and I knew I had to distract myself from Jacob. It was too easy to lose myself in him, and it wasn't fair to Ara. She was getting wave upon wave of emotion from me, and lust was at the top of that list.

"Where's Will?"

Ara laughed and pointed to the water. "Showing off, he doesn't need air which means he can happily stay under water as long as he likes."

"Creepy," Jacob said rolling his eyes.

"Just a bit, I was impressed to begin with now I'm just . . ." Ara disappeared under the water and reappeared with a laugh, Will had his arms wrapped tightly around her waist.

"You were saying?" Will laughed

I could see the flush in Ara's cheeks as she realized the situation she was in. Her eyes widened and she looked at me; I could see the question behind her teak eyes.

"Not me," I grinned.

I saw a slight wave of fear pass behind Ara's eyes as she contemplated what was next. I could see how lost she felt, she had no idea what to do or how to act. So I did the only thing I could think of; I reached across the space and rested my palm against her cheek.

Her eyes widened as she saw the images flicker through my mind, the suggestion I was giving her. I was telling her to make her move. It was obvious, to me at least, that Will was interested in her. Living amongst full bodied vampires my entire life made me sure of one thing. They were deliberate, it was how I knew Will had attached himself to her, how I knew Orion and Simon were only going to be friends. Their actions spoke volumes.

Tanya and the other females that had been succubus prayed only on human males, there was no deliberate affection, just simple acts of gratification. I had learnt that from Carlisle in his teachings of vampire history. My parents hadn't been pleased about that particular lesson, but it was part of our heritage; especially seeing as Tanya and her sisters were part of the family. It was just as valid a lesson as the immortal children.

Will was showing Ara affection, it wasn't the simple act of fulfilling an urge; it was an attraction. He was creating a bond between them. I had once asked Esme about the bonds my family shared. She had told me her theory as simply and straight forward as she could. When vampires fall in love it changes them, change didn't come easily to us as immortals, so when something that substantial happened it was a life changing phenomenon. It was a bond that had strengthened Jacob and I.

I knew Ara had seen every thought that had just passed in my mind; my hand was still holding her cheek lightly. I just wanted her to be aware of what I knew. The only vampires she had every lived with was her father Joham, and Huilen, Nahuel's Aunt. Joham, being an incubus had the same disposition as the Succubus, and Huilen had lived a solitary life, caring for her nephew. She had no example to follow, or history to learn from.

The examples I had to go from, my family, their matches had been instantaneous. Alice had know Jasper was coming, and he had loved her from the moment he'd set eyes on her. Rosalie had known she would love Emmett when she took him to Carlisle; he had opened his eyes to his angel and never looked back. Carlisle and Esme had met before she had taken her own life; they had connected but Esme had been married; and had been with child. When her life had become desperate they found one another again. Then there were my parents. They may not have known the connection was there but it had been an immediate thing; neither of them would have ever been able to fight it.

Then there was Jacob and I, I had known from the moment I felt his presence, the moment he'd been close to me that I wanted him; when he imprinted on me, it seemed to be the natural order of things. Neither of us would have changed a thing if we'd been able to do it again. Our love ran deep, and it strengthened every day we were together.

I wanted the best for my friend, she was a good spirit, just as her sister was. Orion had been my friend from the instant I'd met her. She was a pure soul, kind and loving. She considered everyone around her, she was selfless. I knew that she would find a kindred spirit one day; but she wasn't as eager to find love as Ara seemed to be.

Jacob's arms tightened around me and I realized that we had both been silent for a long while. I dropped my hand from her cheek and smiled at her. I released my legs from Jacob's waist and swam towards the shore where Orion and Simon were sat on the rocks talking.

"What was that about?" Jacob whispered, his arm wrapping around my waist tightly.

"I was giving Ara options. You know each of my families stories as well as I do. You know their ability to love. I was just giving her some advice,"

"You think she likes that bloodsucker like that?"

"Jake,"

"What? He's a conventional vampire,"

I rolled my eyes but laughed allowing him the slight. After all he'd finally stopped calling Rosalie 'bloodsucking Barbie', to her face at least.

"So what are we going to do now?" Jacob wiggled his eyebrows at me with a smirk. I laughed gently and slapped his arm.

"You're like a horny teenager,"

He laughed and pulled my closer, his lips hovering over the skin in my neck. "When in Rome."

"Jacob Black," I laughed, spinning me in his arms to face him. "You're telling me the second we're away from my parents your mind hits that singular track?"

"Like yours doesn't?"

I giggled lightly and jumped into his arms. He caught me easily as I wrapped my legs around his waist, littering his face and neck with kisses.

"Glad we talked about this." he laughed catching my cheek with his spare hand. His lips landed on mine and lingered tenderly.

"I love you Jacob Black."

"I love you Renesmee Cullen."

As we reached Orion and Simon, Jacob let me go and slid down him to stand on my feet; he growled lightly at the action but I laughed gently and walked towards the two that still sat on the rocks. Orion had picked up my wet sweats and laid them across another rock to dry off; they were still soaking.

Jacob threw me his dry shirt and I pulled it over my head. It fell down to my knees; but it reminded me of the morning I stood in his kitchen this way.

"Looks like you have some competition for couple of the century." Simon laughed nodding towards the water.

I turned around and looked out across the water; I could see Ara and Will in the distance as the moonlight bounced off their skin, but they looked more like one entity, Ara's arms were wrapped around Will's neck, Will's hands were tangled in Ara's hair holding her to him. I smiled at the scene before turning away to give them some privacy.

"I never thought I would see the day." Orion laughed lightly. "Carina wouldn't believe this."

"I'm sure it happens to everyone eventually."

"I'm in no hurry," Orion laughed. "But I'm sure it will find me when it's ready."

"Whoever he is, he's a lucky man." Simon laughed, patting her leg gently. "I suppose I'll need to find myself a new companion. I know how these things work."

"Have you been traveling together long?" I asked leaning my back against Jacob's chest.

"Couple of years, he's a good man."

"That's encouraging." Orion said thoughtfully. "I'd hate to think of Ara falling for someone dangerous."

"He'll look after her." Simon reassured her. "I have no doubt about that."

"So where have you been traveling these past couple of years?"

"We've been trying to stay to the north, we can travel safely during day that way, the forests make good cover when the sun finally comes out. Some of the southern covens are beginning to get restless, so we're avoiding the southern states for now."

"Restless?"

"Oh, it's nothing to get worked up about, there's some shifting in power. Happens every couple of decades, some covens decide they want more space so they'll start shifting their weight around."

"How long does that last?"

"Depends on who's doing the shifting." Simon laughed. "I like the way you live here; it's peaceful. Your eating habits leave a lot to be desired, but I can see the necessity for that. You're the largest coven we've come across so far, well, ever really. You're also the most diverse. I thought half breeds and wolves were a myth."

"Isn't that what they say about vampires?" Jacob asked. tightening his embrace.

"No offense intended friend."

"None taken, but you shouldn't be so literal in your assumptions, you are included in the mythological category right along side the wolves and half vampires."

"Point taken."

I elbowed Jacob in the ribs and rolled my eyes. "Ignore him Simon; he's a little sensitive when it comes to mythology."

Jacob's arms tightened around my waist and his teeth grazed my neck sending a shudder down my spine. He laughed gently at his handy work before standing back up straight. Orion laughed lightly.

"Sorry, I need to muzzle him," I laughed turning and pushing Jacob towards the water.

"T-Shirt Nessie," Orion called.

I pulled the shirt over my head and threw it onto a nearby rock. Jacob's eyes glistened as I walked towards him again.

"What are you gonna do baby?"

"You'll see," I giggled, and pounced at him.

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**A/N: I am so sorry I am late!!! As alway I fully intend to keep on schedule so I will upload a chapter tomorrow :) . . . Do you forgive me? LOL**

**I know major fluff and considerably shorter than most of my other chapters, but there was some information in there, you have to decipher that for yourselves LOL. I can't give away all my secrets. I like Nessie and Jacob so carefree together, they're cute. I would love to know what you think :) Hint Hint ;)**

**The song for this chapter . . . GOODNIGHT AND GO by IMOGEN HEAP, I like her voice it's kinda haunting in a way . . . You can listen to the song on the media player on my website, there should be a link on my profile if you would like to check it out :) Thank you to **_lovethetwilightgurl11_ **for mentioning said music. You Rock :)**

**I lost my beta people, unfortunately we had conflicting schedules so we kept missing one another. I will miss her but she's still awesome. Vicki . . . you completely rock and thank you for reading the three different edits of each chapter, You're AWESOME! Goldentemptress; thank you for offering to check my grammar and punctuation, believe me I fully intend on taking you up on that offer :)**

**Thank you for all the alerts and faves and . . . SERIOUSLY, THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO TAKE THEIR TIME TO WRITE DOWN WHAT THEY THINK OF EVERY CHAPTER, YOU GUYS ARE AN INSPIRATION AND I ADORE YOU ALL. THANK YOU AGAIN, YOU INSPIRE ME :) . . . YOU ROCK!**

**TILL TOMORROW - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	29. Chapter 28: Sleep

_**All tings Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

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**_**Chapter 28: Sleep**

I chased Jacob around for hours after he'd caught me mid pounce, we'd toppled onto the floor laughing. I planted a kiss on his lips before hopping from him and running towards the water. He'd been the pursuer for a while; that was until I finally turned on him again with a wide smile.

I wasn't sure what I was planning when I caught him; I was just caught up completely in the game. My laughter rang through the trees as he dodged around me. After I would miss, the chase would begin again.

"You should really start playing football with your family. That was pitiful." Jacob laughed, brushing my cheek with his hand affectionately.

We were in the car driving home now; I was once again wearing his too big t-shirt and my damp clothes were folded neatly in the trunk. I had one hand around the steering wheel and the other holding his hand.

"Is that where you learned to run like a girl?" I teased playfully.

"If I run like a girl, I'd hate to think how you run; I believe you only caught me once."

"I hate to brake it to you Jake; I am a girl." I smirked playfully winking at him.

"Yeah a half vampire girl; you should be able to catch me easily."

"Have you ever considered I was spending more time admiring the view?" I giggled playfully, this time wiggling my eyebrows.

"Now who's the horny teenager?" Jacob's gritty voice said with suggestive undertones. It was accompanied by a wink of course.

I laughed and followed the Volvo up the large drive towards the house. I pulled into the garage and cut the engine with a sigh. It was nice to be home; but I had been enjoying the freedom of personal thoughts.

I'd never held my dad's ability against him, and in some cases it was extremely useful; but I had never had the pleasure of thinking about things without consequences.

Jacob pushed the door on his side of the car open and climbed out. I tried not to look at the muscles that rippled under his warm russet skin but I failed miserably. I pushed open my door and made my way to the trunk to get out the damp clothes. If I left them there too long they would end up creating a stench in the car, and with our enhanced senses; that was not a good thing.

I picked up Jacob's hand as we made our way to the house. All of the lights were on downstairs and I was sure my parents were waiting us. Just to be sure we made it home safely. I pushed open the door of the kitchen finding Esme placing some plates on the table.

"I figured you'd be hungry after your swim." she smiled, wiping her hands on a towel she was holding. "We're all headed out. Alice saw that our guests would need to hunt, so we're taking them out of the vicinity. Alice doesn't see any trouble in the next couple of hours so you should be safe."

I laughed. "How far are you going? You make it sound as though you'll be gone for months."

Esme laughed genially as she straightened out the counter. Putting away everything she had been using. She was meticulous when it came to everything being in its place.

"We're going over the border, we should be back by tonight."

"Ah, Moose and Caribou; is everyone going?" I laughed, it sounded good but I didn't have the energy to go hunting right now. I also knew that Moose and Caribou would not be what Will and Simon would be hunting. Where I went, Jacob went. Watching their kind of hunting would bring out Jacob's natural reaction and it wasn't something that needed to happen at his point in time, or ever really.

"I think so," She answered still busying her self.

I yawned and nodded as I fell into my seat at the table. Jacob took the seat next to me and dug into the mountain of food Esme had prepared for him. I started to eat slowly in comparison, struggling as my fatigue started taking over.

"Ness, sweetheart, why don't you go to bed? You look exhausted." My mom's voice alerted me to her presence and I forced my eyes open, being half unconscious I hadn't even heard her approach.

"Hey mom," I grinned.

My mom laughed as my blinks became longer.

"Come here and say goodbye, well be back tomorrow night."

I slid my chair out from the table and stretched as I headed towards her. I wrapped my arms around her waist and let my head, rest on her shoulder. My eyes began drooping slowly, I was fighting a losing battle here, and fatigue seemed to be dragging me under.

"Jake, will you please take her to bed." My mom laughed.

I heard the gentle scrap of his chair as his stood up, and the small amount of strides it took him to reach me before I felt his warm hands encircle me and pull me up into his chest; I snuggled into his warmth and breathed in his woodsy scent.

"What have you been doing?"

Jacob chuckled. "Swimming mostly; then she decided she was going to chase me half way through the mountains."

I forced my eyes open again and smiled. "He runs like a girl."

My mom laughed softly and planted a kiss on my forehead. "I'll tell your dad you said goodbye."

"Kay,"

I felt the gently swaying movement as Jacob began to walk, "Love you mom."

"Love you sweetheart."

The blackness swept over me after that and nothing else registered.

I woke up in my own bed, still wearing Jacob's shirt. He was lying on his stomach again, his warm arm running down my side. I felt disgusting, my skin felt grainy and gritty, my hair was like straw and my toes still had sand wedged between them.

I hadn't taken a shower since coming home and I could smell the lake in my hair. I slid from the bed and headed towards the bathroom. I stopped in front of the mirror and groaned at my reflection. My hair was sticking out in several different directions. I patted it to my head, but there was no taming this snake pit. Only a shower would help me now.

I turned on the hot water of the shower and jumped in letting the hot water coast over my skin. I washed my hair twice for good measure before stepping out and wrapping a towel around myself. I immediately felt better now that the funk had been washed away. I would have taken a shower before I got in bed if there hadn't have been the narcolepsy risk.

I towel dried my hair before running a brush through it gently, my stomach made a loud grumbling protest at it's neglect. I would have to search out sustenance. Knowing we had the house to ourselves; I thought about once again attempting to make Jacob breakfast in bed.

I opened the door to my room and noticed that Jacob was sat up in the bed, running his hand through his hair. There goes that plan.

"Morning," I grinned; he looked as though he'd taken a shower before bed last night.

"Hey," He held his arms open waited for me to come to him.

I walked towards him and stepped in between his legs, wrapping my arms around his neck loosely. Like this, we were almost the same height. His large arms closed around me and he crushed me against him as his lips brushed the skin just above the towel. My entire body shuddered with pleasure as fire coursed through my body. It was too easy to lose myself in him.

"Jake," my voice was breathless and weak.

"Hmm," I could hear the thickness of his desire in the simple act of his hum.

"You think that's the best idea?" I whispered, my voice shaking as I suppressed a moan.

"No one's here." he whispered, his breath dancing across my damp skin.

In all honesty I had forgotten anything but him when his lips had touched me. I had forgotten the absence of my family. My stomach somersaulted inside of my body and I leaned further into him. His hands clasped my hips as his lips moved up to my neck.

I let my head fall back over my shoulder as his soft lips coasted across my still damp skin. His hands moved up the sides of my body creating a roll of enjoyment to take control of me. His mouth moved from my skin and I looked down at him, knowing my eyes reflected the same hunger that danced in his. I crushed my lips against his and melted into him.

His fingers caught the towel and pulled gently. The material fell to the floor around my feet. His fingers ran across my bare skin slowly and he pulled me down to the bed, rolling until he was hovering over me. I squealing in shock but deepened the kiss and his lips smiled around mine. A spasm of excitement fluttered through my body at his touch.

"Nessie . . . Oh crap, sorry!" The voice from the door was rougher than it normally sounded. Nahuel had burst in without knocking. I wasn't even aware he was still home, let alone heard his footsteps; I was too lost in Jacob to even listen to anything other than his breathing and beating heart.

Jacob flattened himself against my body hiding me from view, a small growl issued from his chest as he turned his head to the door. I had buried my head in his neck; mortified that Nahuel had walked in on us while I was in such a compromising situation.

I opened one of my eyes to see if he was still in the room, but Nahuel had pulled the door closed leaving it cracked about an inch. Jacob slid from my body and scooped the towel up from the floor, muttering incoherently. I could feel his anger and frustration rolling from him in waves.

My entire body was shaking from the remnants of his touch and I was, to say the least, a little angry, I doubted that Nahuel had purposefully walked in on us, but I was now emotionally and physically charged.

I wrapped the towel around me and walked to the door, pulling it open. I knew my anger was showing on my face, but the look of horror on Nahuel's face faded it to a slow simmer.

"Nessie; I'm so sorry. Orion asked me to get you; she's had another dream. I never thought . . . I should have knocked . . . so sorry."

He was so flustered and full of remorse; my anger sizzled into the atmosphere. It was obvious he had expected us to be sleeping. I sighed and tried to smooth out my face, hiding the frustration I was feeling. "Let me get dressed, I'll be right there."

"Sorry," he said again, stumbling blindly down the hall.

I nodded and pushed the door closed, Jacob was sat on the bed again but he looked frustrated.

"I thought we were alone," He grumbled, shifting uncomfortably.

"So did I." I sighed walking towards him and wrapping my arms around his neck. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

I kissed him lightly on the lips, knowing not to push any further because we would just start again. Whatever was going on with Orion was important enough for Nahuel to come and get me.

"I'll hold you to that," he whispered brushing my shoulder with his lips.

I shivered with the electricity his kiss left behind and tried to clear my head. "I'd better go find out what this emergency is."

"It better be important." Jacob growled against my skin, I kissed him on the forehead reassuringly before taking off to the closet to get dressed.

Orion was still laid in bed when I arrived in the room; she was curled into the fetal position, her eyes wide with concentration. Nahuel was sat on the edge of the bed still looking horrified. I ignored him and ran to my friend, brushing the hair from her eyes.

"Orion, what happened?" I asked keeping my voice level and calm. I didn't want to freak her out any more than she appeared to be.

"Ara, I had a dream about Ara."

I would have felt relief that it hadn't been me, but Ara was my friend; a close friend, and I didn't like the panic on Orion's face. I had never her seen her so distraught before.

"What is it honey, talk to me."

"I can't read the signs, I don't know what it's trying to tell me," she cried, gripping my hand tightly. "Ara, red, trees, water, fire. That's all it's showing me." She spat out the symbols quickly and they ran together as though she was hoping they would make more sense that way.

"Fire?" I panicked, it was the only way to kill our kind, and if fire was involved . . . I shuddered.

Orion started whimpering and I curled around her, laying my head on hers.

"Let's try and figure this out," I said failing at keeping my voice strong. "What would fire mean?"

"It means something different in every dream, the sequence, the images; they all come together to make up a situation, but I can't piece it together. I can't make sense of it. It's more complex that usual. All of it contradicts itself"

"Is she in danger?" Nahuel asked quietly. "This vampire, is he a danger to our sister?"

"She is in danger, Nahuel; but I don't believe her new companion is to blame. There is nothing implicating or representing him in the dream. Ara is alone, I think, there are flickers of something surrounding her, but I don't believe it's a person.

"Should I call them home?"

"Yes, please. I'd feel better is she was close. I hate to ruin their trip but I need to keep her close."

That's when I realized the magnitude of the situation, Orion would never ask them to come home unless she was completely unsure and freaked out about the situation. This revelation made the fear boil over in me.

"Okay, try not to worry, we'll get her home." I tried to sound comforting and calm, but there was a definite shake in my voice, I doubted even Orion missed it in her frantic state.

"Will you try and sleep Orion?" Nahuel asked.

"I don't think I can,"

I stood up from the bed and walked towards the door. "I'm going to call them, Orion if you need anything call me."

"Thank you Nessie."

I disappeared from the guest room and sprinted to my own, Jacob eyes widened as I burst through the door.

"Ness?"

"One minute Jacob, I need to call the family home."

Jacob was in Alpha mode immediately; his body was close to mine and shadowed me as I moved around the room. I let him follow me knowing it was the only thing that was going to appease him while I was in such a frantic mood. I picked up my phone and dialed my mom's number, knowing she would be the only person with her phone on. She always felt better knowing I could reach her if I needed to.

"Nessie, you're up,"

"Mom," my voice was tense and full of panic and knew she would pick that up immediately.

"What's the matter sweetheart?" I heard her voice change, clicking into her concerned parent mode. I also heard my dad approaching.

"Is Ara with you?"

"She's close, why?"

"Orion had another dream. It was Ara, she thinks she's in danger, she wants her home so she can keep an eye on her."

"We're on our way." My mom answered without an ounce of hesitation, she knew as well as I did that the request wouldn't be made unless it was unavoidable or important.

"Thanks mom,"

"Just sit tight and stay together, we'll be there as soon as we possibly can."

"Will do."

I heard my mom calling Ara's name before she hung up the phone. Behind me Jacob relaxed and wrapped his arms around my waist. He'd thought I was in trouble.

"They're on their way." I sighed placing my phone on the dresser again.

"So what happened?"

"Orion has dreams; they're always in symbols but they come as warnings, well as you know. It's a little bit like what Alice can do, but so much more complex. Orion can normally decipher the symbols to see exactly what she's being warned against. This time it's a little more complicated the symbols are all contradictory to one another. She just knows it's not good."

"I knew most of that from the phone call you got from her. What kind of symbols?"

"This one had Ara, fire, water, the forest and red. Not in that order. She said there was something around Ara but it wasn't clear enough to see."

"How the hell do you get a warning out of that?"

"Jake," I warned I didn't have time for his pessimistic skepticism.

"I'm just asking; it helps to know these things." He answered defensively, holding up his hands in surrender.

"It could mean anything, red for danger, fire for death, trees for peace, water for serenity. I don't know how it works. Orion says they mean something different every time."

I turned around in his arms and rested my head against his chest. I needed the calm he brought me, it always calmed my frantic mind. I didn't know what to do or how to help. My friend was in danger. I knew she was safe with my parents, I just hoped the danger wasn't prevalent because she was away from the house. If my parent were in danger with her . . . I didn't even want to think about it.

"I'm sure it'll be fine." Jacob reassured me gently.

I hoped so; I hoped I was overreacting to this, I hoped Orion had misread the signs, I was hoping for a lot of things.

"Were you able to get them on the phone?" Orion's voice pulled me from my morbid thoughts.

"Yes; they're on their way Orion. How are you feeling?"

"Better, I just can't get those images from my head. Everything was so muddled and confused. I can't decipher them."

"Are you sure that's everything? Didn't you see anything else?"

"No nothing; except the presence around her. It didn't make itself known and I can't figure out what it means. It's almost as though it's the missing piece of this puzzle."

"Maybe you should concentrate on that." Jacob mumbled into my hair quietly.

"I've been trying to," Orion sighed, not hearing the sarcasm in Jacob's voice. "I tried to fall asleep again but there was no way I could sleep knowing she was so far away. She'll be so upset with me; but I can't leave her out there while this feeling eats at me like this."

"I understand," I held my hand out for her to take, and tried to manage an encouraging smile. I knew what it was like to worry about the people you loved.

The four of us sat in our living room silent, waiting for my family; or at least Ara and my parents to come home. I sat close to Jacob, drowned in the safety of his arms. Everything seemed so much more complicated at the moment; and I was missing the simple but enjoyable life I'd had before all of this mess had started. I hadn't seen Anna in a couple of days, Seth was with her and poor Jacob was cut off from his life with his pack with strange vampires around. It felt odd, as though my life, consumed with all of this drama, belonged to someone else.

We mostly waited in silence; Nahuel would occasionally look at me with an odd glance, his eyes would roam over me once before he realized I was looking at him; then he would avert his eyes. I knew it was the image of us this morning and I hoped that he would wipe it from his mind before my dad got home. That would just add to the drama already boiling under the surface.

I couldn't stop my mind from taking me to the scene that would unfold if that were to happen. My dad would be so disappointed and I was sure he would not be pleasant to Jacob; my mom, I wasn't sure how she would react, whether she would be disappointed or upset. I just knew I didn't want to find out because they would most definitely ban Jacob from sleeping at the house, and I really didn't want that. I had grown dependent on his presence. I needed him with me; and I didn't know how to tell my parents that without sounding needy or immature. They wouldn't understand.

The time was passing excruciatingly slowly as we sat in silence. Orion was becoming more agitated the longer we waited; the dream seemed to have shaken her more than she wanted to admit. Every small noise outside of the house seemed to make her jump from her seat and run to the window; I had no idea how to console her or calm her down.

When they finally did arrive; it was only Ara and my parents. Orion threw her arms around her sister's neck with a sigh of relief.

"I'm so glad you're alright." I could hear the calm blanketing her as she felt her sister physically close to her. She knew she could keep an eye on her, watch over her and stop anything possibly untoward from coming at her.

"Of course I'm alright Orion; I was with the Cullen's. What did you think would happen?"

"I couldn't read the signs, Ara. I just knew there was danger, and it surrounded you."

"Do you have a time frame for this danger, or should I stay cooped up until you can distinguish it?" I could hear the agitation building in Ara's voice as she questioned her sister.

"I'm only looking out for you Ara."

Ara sighed and stepped away from Orion. "As much as I appreciate that, I can't stay wrapped up; I'm not made of china, I won't shatter should something happen. You really need to give me more credit than that."

"Sometimes things are out of our power; perhaps it's not a circumstance you can control; it's possible it's a choice of another that could create this problem." Nahuel said quietly standing up. "You may be strong, Ara; but that does not mean you are immune to the actions of others."

"If it is somebody else; if there is someone that's a danger to me. Do you not think the Cullen's would protect me?"

"Of course they would." Orion answered smiling at my parents gratefully. "But what if the danger was also a danger to them?"

Ara looked to my parents and back to her sister. "The rest of them, are they in danger now?"

Orion shook her head. "I only saw danger surrounding you."

"I'm sure Will is going to be fine," my dad said smiling, "He's been around for a long time, and can look after himself."

"So what do we do now?" my mom asked quietly, looking at the two sisters. No one said anything for a while as the mood in the room shifted to contemplative. There was no question something was going to happen; it was just when and where.

"I can try and sleep again; but it doesn't really work like that. I can't choose to dream something."

"Then we wait." My dad said calmly, wrapping his arm around my mom.

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**A/N: Saturday; yay, I did it lol . . . It seems the drama can't stay away for long. Orion seems to like to shake things up with her dreams. And poor Jake, I know that was cruel of me, but hey, what can I say!!!!! There has to be some frustration for tempers to build ;). Let me know what you think :)**

**The song for this chapter is SLEEP by MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE . . . You can hear it on the media player on my website, there's a link on my profile. **

**Thank you to Vicki, as always, she keeps me on the right track and stops me from freaking out completely when I become neurotic :)**

**Thank you for all the alerts and faves . . . AND THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO TAKE TIME OUT OF THEIR DAY TO LET ME KNOW WHAT THEY THINK . . . YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW AWESOME YOU ARE AND HOW MUCH YOU INSPIRE ME TO WRITE, I TRY AND SEND A REPLY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE BUT IF I HAVEN'T YET I APOLOGIZE :) . . . SERIOUSLY GUYS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU ROCK!!!!!**

**TILL MONDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -**


	30. Chapter 29: A Bad Dream

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

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**_**Chapter 29: A Bad Dream**

We had decided to wait it out, and waited was exactly what we did; a week passed and nothing happened. We all moved around together and once he returned, Will never left Ara's side, but it didn't change anything. The dreams seemed to fade more as time passed. They were still the same indecipherable jumble as they had been. Nothing became clearing, nothing defined itself, it was just as confusing as it had been that first day.

Orion was confused, Ara was annoyed and Jacob and I were gaining a nasty case of cabin fever. I felt bad for Jacob, he hadn't phased once this week. Seth had called almost everyday to see what needed to be done. He was neglecting everything in order to stay with me. I knew he felt responsible for my safety but this was becoming ridiculous.

I was starting to feel guilty about it, even though it _was_ his decision. I didn't want him to leave, on the contrary, he was the only thing keeping me sane while we were locked up in the house; but I knew he had to, even if it was for just a couple of hours. I had brought it up before but he had refused; this time I was planning to make it his only option.

"Jake, I think you should take off for a while." I said while playing with the fingers of the hand he had wrapped around my waist. I didn't look him in the eye because I knew he would get his own way, and I needed to get this out before he changed my mind, _again_.

"Nessie, we've talked about this." Jacob sighed with exaggeration.

"Yes, and it's been a week. Nothing's happened. You've been stuck here, not phasing because of Will and Simon and your only communication with your pack is via cell phone. You know that's not right, it's not even your second in command calling."

"Leah's stubborn,"

"Leah's right; you have a job to do Jacob. You don't have to be gone long, just a couple of hours."

I was using the guilt card, he knew it as well as I did, but he had a counter attack for me. "Fine, if I go you're coming with me." I could hear the grin in his voice because he thought he'd won again. _Not yet_ I mused.

"Jacob, I have things to do here. I don't want you to go anymore than you want to; but you _need_ to. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here."

"Ness . . ."

"I won't take no for an answer, Jake."

"But," he squeezed my hands and I knew what was coming. I had to head him off at the pass.

"It's been a week, Orion's dreams are lessening. Alice hasn't seen anything, I'll be fine."

Jacob let out a huff of air, he had the ability to look like a pouting child sometimes; more often than not when he didn't get his own way.

"You won't go anywhere?"

"Jake, really, do you think my parents will _let_ me go anywhere?"

"I really don't think it's a good idea."

"Either way, you're going Jake. You need to phase for a while, go for a run. Check on Seth and Anna for me." I watched as he considered my words; I decided to push a little harder, hoping it would tip the scale. "Please, Jake. I know how difficult it is for you not phasing. Just a couple of hours, then come back to me."

"Fine, you win." he sighed.

"It's not about winning, Jake. It's about needs, I know you _need_ to run with your pack for a while."

Jacob pulled me tightly to him and buried his face into my neck. I knew that that it would be difficult for him to leave me when we didn't know what was going on. My sense of dread had long gone and I wasn't as concerned as I had been. I was thinking that maybe we had intervened, that we had perhaps changed the future. Stopped the event before it had happened. We couldn't continue living in cooped up in the house like this, moving around in one large entity. Something had to change soon.

"Why don't you take off now so you can get back to me sooner?" I suggested, running my fingers down the side of his face.

Jacob lifted his head slowly and planted a kiss on my lips. My stomach lurched with an ache for him as his tongue danced across mine. I needed to stop before my mind traveled somewhere it really didn't need to be right now.

"You sure you won't come with me?" he asked raising his eyebrows.

"You're going to spend time with your pack, not me." I sighed, fighting to keep my mind clear.

"I know but . . ."

I smiled but placed my fingers on his lips. "Don't think about it here."

"Too late . . ."

"RENESMEE, JACOB, can I speak with you both, NOW!" my dad's voice boomed through the house echoing as it his the walls surrounding us.

"Go!" I whispered, so quietly I was sure only Jacob could hear me.

"What? No, I didn't even . . ."

"Jacob, please. Let me speak to him. I don't want this getting out of hand. You know how the two of you get in situations like this. Please, trust me."

"I won't let you go through this alone." I was confused at the look in his eyes, there was something there, something that told me he hadn't completely thought about our extracurricular activities. Whatever he had thought had been enough to get a reaction out of my dad.

"Jake, now is not the time to be stubborn."

"Ness,"

"Go, Jacob."

Jacob growled at me and stood up, placing me on my feet in front of him. I could feel his hesitance rolling from him in waves.

"Don't think about leaving Jacob; I want you both down here, now." There was a menacing undertone to my dad's voice as he growled the words. This was not going to be pretty.

"Crap!" I groaned.

Jacob took my hand and pulled me towards the stairs, this wasn't going to be good. As it was everybody was on their last nerve. My parents and family didn't need to be holed up like me and my Brazilian friends, but they were staying close as a precaution. They'd seen what had happened to me, my fate hadn't happened until over a week later. Yet Orion's dream _had_ come into light eventually. They knew something was going to happen and they wanted to stay close to us. Tempers were flaring and Rosalie and Jacob had already fallen back into their old habits because of this. I hoped she wasn't around to hear this, she was as protective over me as my own parents and if she got wind of this she would rip Jacob limb from limb.

"You should have gone while you had the chance." I whispered, following him down the stairs.

Jacob shrugged and I wanted, more than anything, to smack him across the head for being so damn chivalrous. Now was not the time to stand his ground, or be submissive. I should face this alone, tell them exactly what happened before tempers flared and it got out of hand.

My dad was stood at the bottom of the stairs, in the living room, with my mom beside him. He looked angry, not a hint of the usual playfulness when he saw my thoughts of kissing Jacob. What made it all the worse was his eyes were flat black as he glared at us.

"You'd better believe I'm angry, young lady."

"Dad . . ." My voice was calm as I tried to reason with him.

"Oh, no you don't get to say anything. I'm the one with the questions here,"

"Edward," Jacob started but my dad cut him off. His black eyes focusing in on him with a ferocity that made my stomach curl. He looked ready to pounce.

"And _you_, Jacob. I thought I made myself perfectly clear about this."

"Excuse me?" I said, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. "Another binding promise dad? Didn't you learn your lesson from last time. Why don't you just let me live my life."

I swallowed hard, I always lost my temper when he tried to treat me like a child, my temper had flared and I had spoken in the heat of the moment. It was too late to take it back now though, and in all honesty I didn't want to. I was tired of tip toeing around him because I had made my own decisions.

"Your not even ten, Renesmee. I hardly think you have any room to be making statements like that."

"In case you haven't noticed, _father_, I am an adult; whether you choose to recognize that or not, it's the unavoidable truth. You always do this, you're always protecting me from the wrong things, you don't even care what I have to say about any of this. You continually undermine my judgment. Do you honestly believe Jacob would have made the first move with _you_ hanging over his shoulder? It was my decision, _MINE_."

My dad growled deeply and my mom put a hand on his arm to calm him. It was too little too late though, I could see the anger boiling inside of him, the small crease in his forehead that screamed how angry he was.

"Renesmee, do not talk to your father that way." My mom's voice was soft but reprimanding.

"Do you agree with what he's doing, what he's saying? Mom, you said I could talk to you about anything, this is why I don't! You can't look at this situation objectively; you see it just as one sided as dad does. You won't let me be who I am, I'm sorry that I grew up quickly, I never had a choice in the matter." My voice broke a little as the tears began to fall from my eyes. I swallowed them back forcefully. " I am an adult though, in many ways older than the two of you; I'm still your daughter, I always will be, but I am _not_ a child."

"Nessie," My mom's voice was completely soothing now. She was reaching out towards me, but I stepped away from her. She dropped her hands to the side and looked to my dad. He was glaring at Jacob, my blood boiled beneath the surface, he hadn't listened to a word I'd said.

His stance began a gradual decline into a crouch. His flat black eyes zeroed in on Jacob as they narrowed. Jacob's hand tensed around mine, but he didn't move to defend himself.

"Edward," My mom's voice was stern, she was trying to break through the testosterone fueled reaction he seemed to be having. Seeing him moving in this way did nothing but fuel my anger at him. I wanted to scream and yell. I wanted to stand in Jacob's place and take any punishment he deemed necessary. If there was anyone to blame he should be blaming me.

"What the hell is all the yelling about?" Rosalie's voice sealed the deal and I side stepped in front of Jacob taking a defensive stance. My hand was firmly clasped around his and I could feel him trying to move me out of the hot zone, but it wasn't happening. None of my family members would attack him, if they wanted to try they would have to go through me.

My dad growled at my inner dialogue, but my eyes narrowed to match his.

"Rosalie, please, let us deal with this." My mom said quietly, I could see she was getting as nervous as I was now. Jacob was highly breakable. He wouldn't phase to defend himself from this, if my dad or Rosalie attacked they would hurt him. I was the only defense he had, and I hoped they were ready to deal with me.

Rosalie's eyes shifted between the four of us and her eyes narrowed as a hiss released through her lips. "What have you done dog? She's just a child."

I could feel the anger welling inside of me as she spat the words at him. It had gone past the point of just being overprotective, they were ganging up on Jacob now. They didn't seem to care what I thought, let alone considered that I had instigated this. I loved my family but this was beyond ridiculous.

"Have any of you even considered that this was my decision?" I spat vehemently, my eyes dancing across each of them. "I make my own decisions and you all think you're entitled undermine that?"

My dad growled again and his stance declined further. he was too far gone to even listen to reason. My eyes fell on my mom. She wasn't angry, or upset, she was concerned and disappointed. _Disappointed_, it seemed to fuel the fire running through me. This was my life, why couldn't they let me live it as I wanted to?

"Because you're _ten_." My dad hissed between his teeth.

I stepped forward until I was only three inches from my father. He straightened a little until his eye line was level with mine. "Move Nessie."

"No," I growled in return, I could hear the venom in my voice, it was like acid, burning and cold.

"He knew better, he knew how we all felt about this, Edward, but you can't attack him." My mom said softly. "Nessie's right, she made this decision too. Both of them decided this, stop this nonsense before it gets out of hand."

"Bella, stop making excuses for him. He's a grown mutt, he needs to take responsibility for his actions." Rosalie hissed glaring at Jacob.

"Nessie," Jacob's husky voice filled the air surrounding me, it was resigned, as though he was agreeing with their assessment.

It pushed me over the edge, I narrowed my eyes at my dad, and leaned in closer to him, my nose was less than an inch from his and my eyes captured the full ferocity of his. Fear overtook me and my heart pounded in my chest, but I stood strong. "I _hate_ you for this."

I pushed past him with as much force as I could muster, and ran towards the door.

"Nessie, stop," my mom's voice was full of concern, but I didn't stop to listen, the anger and disappointment _I_ was feeling fueled my exit. All of the crap they'd fed me about how they respected my decisions, my space, everything just flew out of the window. The didn't care how I felt, or what I wanted. They were still treating me like a child, and I hated them for it.

I pushed the door out of my way and slammed it closed behind me. I heard the glass in the door vibrate in the frame as I took off into the forest. I was heading west, not really sure where I was going; I just needed to get away from the house, from my parents. I blocked out the snapping snarls from the house and took off at full speed. Even after everything they still went again what I wanted.

My feet pounded the ground beneath me pushing me forward, the harder they fell, the harder I pushed. I never once looked back, I just let the anger take me, pull me forwards into wet confines of the forest before me. The green thickened the further I ran. I had only ever gone east of the house because the border of the national forest ran by the side of our land, I didn't want to go somewhere I had been before. I wanted to get away, I wanted to calm down before I had to face my parents again. I knew I would have to talk to them eventually but I just didn't have it in me to do it right now.

I was angry at Jacob for not being more careful; he knew better than to think about things like that in the house, around my parents. I was angry that he'd given my father what he wanted in his little struggle for dominance, he was stood there willing to take anything that was thrown at him. I was angry that something I had held close to me, something that had become sacred to me had began to feel wrong, dirty. It was a natural occurrence between man and women; something sacred between you and the one you loved and they had just made me feel idiotic and promiscuous.

I stopped running and slid to a stop at the base of a large mossy tree, my heart was pounding in my chest and my entire being was filling with rage. I didn't want to feel as though I had done something wrong. I wanted the feeling of euphoria back. I wanted the happiness that surged through me when I thought about that night; but it had been tainted. Soiled by the anger of my father. Jacob's refusal to say anything, or fight back, felt as though he was negating everything we had experienced together, the touches, the declarations. I felt betrayed.

"Nessie?" I spun around and landed in a crouch, unaware of what I was doing. It was my body's natural reaction to shock and fear, and the anger boiling through my veins seemed to make my reactions all the more exaggerated.

Ara stood with her hands up and her eyes to the ground. It was a submission, so I wouldn't attack.

"It's just me, I felt how upset you were and thought you might need someone uninvolved to talk to."

I straightened out quickly and moved to my friend, I swung my arms around her neck and buried my face in the curve of my arm. "I'm so sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Ara laughed patting my back gently. "I crept up on you."

"These emotions," I sobbed, "I forgot how they effected you."

"Don't be silly; everything you experience is fascinating to me. I never had a mother to argue with; my father would simple fight me to the ground when I disobeyed him. These emotions of betrayal and pain are quite unique."

I laughed once and stepped away from her. "You certainly know how to distract me."

"You're still in pain though." It wasn't a question.

I lowered myself to the ground and sat cross legged under the tree I had stopped beside. "Do you think I overreacted? I feel terrible about yelling at them, but I can't help feeling as though they've stolen my sweetest memory from me."

"I am feeling what you are feeling, Nessie. I'm probably not the best judge of your reactions because I shared the feeling with you."

I sighed and pulled my knees up to my chest. I felt hopeless, and guilty for feeling emotions like this around Ara. Ara shuddered delicately and sat down beside me.

"Not the best combination of emotions," she laughed again. "I think you needed to get your point across, you needed your parents to see how you felt. When I left, your mom was talking to your dad, she stopped him before he got to Jacob. She's very perceptive of your emotions. Maybe you shouldn't have left, but if you needed time alone; it was the only course of action to take. Of course I'm not really helping that by being here, but I know what you're feeling, only I have a little more objectivity in the situation. I can feel what you feel, and look a it from a fresh perspective."

"This is helpful, and I'm glad you're here."

"So am I. I'm always happy to help, and in all honesty I was tired of being stuck in that house waiting for something that may never happen." Ara said kicking her legs out in front of her and crossing her ankles.

Panic struck me, but Ara reached out and planted her hand on my shoulder before I could move or say another word.

"Stop it; it was my decision to follow you. You haven't put me in danger. You must stop feeling obligated to keep me safe; I am older than you; in fact, I am older that your parents combined." She laughed. "In my mind, we all create our own destiny, I make my own choices."

"I understand how claustrophobic you feel Ara; but I don't want you in danger."

"I have a theory if you're interested."

I nodded my assent, and Ara smiled. "Whereas Orion's gift is useful, I can't help but think Alice's gift is more perceptive. I believe we all make our own destiny; if something should happen to me, I believe it will be a creation of my decision. If I decide to do something; the path before me falls into place creating a new line for me follow. If whatever is coming wants me, I obviously make a decision to put myself in its path. No one else can make that decision for me; and no one else can be blamed.

"If something were to happen to me now, it would not be your fault. I chose to follow you into the forest, even though I have been warned of the future. There was no warning for you, so your actions created your own path."

"But you came here to comfort me; I would feel responsible."

"That is the irrationality of our humanity. Guilt is a tepid emotion; one that curses us all; there is no avoiding it. It's part of us; of being a lucid and rational creature. It doesn't make it right though, but it also doesn't make it any less prevalent. Just as I will do what I need to; you will feel how your body deems fit."

"Even so; maybe we should head back."

"Nessie; would you please stop being so pessimistic."

It wasn't pessimism that made me want to go home. I was nervous now; knowing that I had put us both in this situation made me feel guilty and there was a constant nagging that was screaming at me to go home.

"Would you relax; I can feel you having a conniption fit; under that calm exterior." Ara laughed, moving the bracken around with the tips of her fingers. Her calm coolness towards this, didn't do anything for me other than fuel my panic.

"Ara, I just think it would be better to stay close to the house. So if anything should happen we're close to help."

Ara sighed in frustration and raised her eyebrows at me. I didn't have as deep an understand of her as she did with me. I knew she was upset; being stuck in the house had been having that affect of most of us. It was the reason that I had reacted the way I had when my dad had started his lecture. Yes, he had ruined that perfect memory for me; but I hadn't reacted well either, and I sure as hell didn't hate him. I would normally look at situations like that from both sides, try and talk my way through the situation and explain myself. Instead, I had lost my temper and shouted.

"You really should stop feeling so guilty. It was an argument, they won't hold it against you." Ara's voice was a little harsher than usual, and I found myself recoiling from her.

"I'm sorry," She breathed, blowing out the air she had in her lungs.

"It's fine. I think everyone's a little short tempered at the moment." I said eyeing her cautiously.

She sighed and placed her chin on her knees thoughtfully. "Why don't we go and hunt?"

"Now?"

"Yes, now silly. You haven't hunted since this whole thing started. I never really got a chance to catch anything before Orion called us home. I wasn't able to hunt with Will, even though the animals were beginning to wear on me a little."

"You hunt humans?"

Ara laughed with a slight trill. "Nessie; I always have, it was all I knew from birth. I have only gone vegetarian when I'm here. It's the polite thing to do."

I'd never held a vampire's diet against them before and I wasn't planning on starting now. I was, however, a little surprised. Ara had shown an amazing sense of control around Anna; she had only hunted animals since her arrival in Forks and I had never once heard her complaining about it. I knew that she had been a predator before her arrival, so it really shouldn't have surprised me. Yet, it did.

"When in Rome." Ara laughed.

"How do you switch between the two?"

"It's quite easy really; animal blood takes away the burning necessity. It just doesn't completely satisfy me."

"I completely forgot." I laughed gently.

"That was the idea. You were suffering so much from your singer. When you played the memories in you mind; the thirst, the desire for the blood. It almost made me thirsty, it's what drew me to you."

"I thought it was because you were highly attuned to me."

"I am; but when we arrived that day; the thirst was the first thing to assault my senses."

"I'm sorry then," I laughed lightly. "It was not my finest moment."

"It was the rush of emotions after that fascinated me. When the reminiscence was finished, you would feel guilt, disgust and despair. You were even projecting fear in your dreams for a while. I started to wonder why you would do that to yourself, why you would let yourself suffer so immensely to save the life of the human."

"It's who I am." I sighed smiling. It was the truth, after everything I had gone through with Matthew, it made me realize how incapable I was of taking life. My compassion and morals had stopped me, even when I hadn't consciously realized it. This knowledge only seemed to make me stronger.

"Have you ever tried my way?" Ara pushed gently.

"No," I shook my head emphatically. I never intended to either.

Ara didn't push the subject anymore, she returned to her original inquiry. "So, did you want to go hunting?"

I stopped to look towards the house and then looked out into the forest. We were too far west, but I could smell some herds close by. I didn't see how a quick hunt could hurt. It may bring back some of the calm I needed to face my parents again.

"There's a herd nearby, maybe we can take a detour." I offered with a sigh.

Ara smiled playfully. "I'll beat you there."

"You wish," I laughed, jumping from the ground and taking off in the direction of the herd. I laughed and pushed myself lower to the ground; knowing I would gain speed.

Ara and I danced through the trees as we ran; it was never side by side and both of us were looking to beat the other. Ara continually leapt gracefully over fallen tree trunks and landed in perfect stride as she continued forward. I was more aggressive; dodging through the trees avoiding any debris that lay in front of me.

We were close enough to hear the heartbeat of the deer; but we were making enough noise to alert them and they took off. Ara and I grinned at one another and took off after the small herd. Watching the deer ahead of me reminded me of Ara and her run. They lept from side to side and sprang into the air when they weren't sure of what was ahead of them.

Ara caught up with them quickly and ran amongst them mirroring their movements. I laughed as she ran her hand along the fur on the back of the deer she was running with, she turned and grinned at me; but as she moved in for the kill, the herd changed direction. It took me a second to realize why and I came to a sudden stop, sliding across the ground with a sudden cry as it hit me harder than any brick wall.

We were too close to the nature trail, to the small trail that lead out of town. I could have kicked myself, because what was assaulting me now was the one scent I should never come across while hunting.

Matthew.

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**A/N: Dun Dun Dun . . . So :) the confrontation, sorry there was no limb ripping :) I kinda like Jacob so I was aiming to keep him in one piece lol . . . I also didn't forget Matthew, how could I, black hair blue eyes . . . . oka, so maybe Matthew is cuter than he needed to be because he sits in my imagination!!! I hope you enjoyed.**

**The song for this chapter is A BAD DREAM by KEANE, it's on a media player on my website for your listening enjoyment :) There should be a link on my profile.**

**Thank as always to Vicki, and to GoldenTemptress my writing partner for Socks for Sex; we should start uploading soon, so keep your eyes peeled :)**

**Thank you for the alerts and faves . . . AND A BIG THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS, YOU GUYS CONTINUALLY ASK QUESTIONS AND TAKE TIME OUT TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK AND I LOVE YOU GUYS FOR IT . . . SERIOUSLY GUYS, THANK YOU . . . YOU ROCK!!!**

**TILL WEDNESDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGS - L -  
**


	31. Chapter 30: Three Times and You Lose

_**All things Twilight belong to the awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

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**_**Chapter 30: Three Times and You Lose**

Ara spun around and I didn't miss the wild look that formed in her eyes. My chest was heaving as I began to panic, even from this distance I knew who this was; there was no mistaking the way it called to me, lured me in. I cut off all the air in my lungs, trying to fight the inevitable appearance of the monster within me. I couldn't lose control again, not now. Not after all of the anguish I had gone through the last time.

The scent swirled around in my mind; even after the smallest of exposures I wanted to release myself and run towards it. Drink from him until he was drained. This time though; I was aware of it. I could feel my body trying to move me towards it. The nagging that pounded in my head. There was a control to it though, a control that was brought on with my awareness. The want was certainly there, but I still had my composure.

Armed with this new awareness, I was able to back away a couple of steps. I was ready to turn and flee, proud of myself for catching it before my instincts took over; but Ara was now stood in front of me, blocking my path. I stepped to the side of her, but she shadowed my movements quickly. Her eyes flashing wildly as a frown formed on my brow.

"What are you doing?" I asked, but the vocalization was a bad idea. With speaking, came breathing and the scent filled every inch of my senses again. It felt as though it course through my blood pulling me towards it.

"Take it," Ara said smoothly, it almost came as a purr. She closed her eyes and concentrated again. She lifted her head into the air and sniffed daintily, dragging in the polluted air with large over indulged gulps. I could feel the saliva pooling in my mouth.

"Are you kidding?" I asked, I was half laughing, half hysterical. I had no idea what she was doing.

Ara eyes flickered open and she focused in on me. "It calls to you; I've never felt anything so strong before. Why are you torturing yourself?"

As the fruition of what was happening dawned on me, I cursed myself for leaving without my phone; for leaving to begin with if I was being honest. I had known this was a bad idea; yet I once again went against my better judgment. Ara was lost to the bloodlust I was feeling; I could see the disappearance of the rational woman behind her eyes. In its place was the monster; the beast that craved the blood of Matthew. Was this how I had looked to Matthew? How could he have been so willing to offer himself to me?

It took me a moment to realize I was strangely in control. Yes, I could still smell him and he was getting closer, but I was in control of my mind; the animal within was caged, lashing at the stronghold of my mind; but I was in charge now. It seemed my body and mind shied away from that internal struggle; that it realized what pain it would cause to release my instincts. There was still a part of me that wanted to let go and taste what he had to offer, but it was the least dominant part.

Ara, was a different story. The pull of his blood was singing in her just as strongly as it was singing in me. She had no desire to fight it, she had no reason to. It was her very nature; it was what we had been speaking of before taking this disastrous hunting trip.

I didn't know how long I could keep this up; how long I could fight the slight struggle for dominance in my mind. Maybe it was because he was at such a distance; if he got any closer things might change. I couldn't risk it, I had to get out of here.

"Ara, we have to leave." I kept my voice strong; trying to get through to her.

Ara took both of my hands in hers and started towards the scent, her eyes were wild and hungry as she pulled me. I pulled back and tried to get my hands free from hers. I wasn't going to lose myself this time; I was going to fight this. Matthew was going to live; I would not be the death of him. Ara tightened her grasp on me and smiled.

"This will make your life easier, Nessie. Drink from him; take away the torment."

"Ara, I will not kill that boy down there. I am in control and I plan to stay that way."

I pulled my hands a little harder and finally was able to get them free from her grasp. I turned my back on her and walked away, hoping she would follow me. I was hoping this temporary calm would feed into her, that she would feel the fight I was currently winning and use it to fight this.

"No," I could hear the loss of control in her voice as she growled the lament. "He calls to _you_, Nessie. You are the only one that can taste what he offers you, it's your thirst that needs and desires his blood."

"Then walk away, Ara. I will not kill him; I will not be that weak again." I was trying with everything I had to be level with her, to not lose my temper. This was a burden I was learning to live with, I couldn't expect her to do the same, but I hoped she would let me walk away. I couldn't fight both at the same time. The closer he got, the louder my thirst became.

"You share your emotions with me, Nessie. I won't let you walk away from this." I could hear the iron clad decision she made in her voice. I had to leave her behind, I had to take that risk.

"You have no choice, Ara."

"Oh but I do;" she growled and I felt her hands tangle into my hair. "You will not walk away while he calls to us."

"Ara; it's me, not _you_. There is no _us_ in this equation. If I knew how to stop sharing this I would. No one needs to stuffer this pain with me."

"How can you be so calm; it's painful. Everything is pulling me towards him."

I tried to face her even though her hands were still locked in my hair. "Why don't you come with me. You can walk away and forget that you smelt his blood."

Ara laughed hysterically as her other hand clamped around my throat. "You're assuming I _want_ to walk away."

Ara's hand tightened around my throat and cut off the air I had been able to drag in. My body began to panic without oxygen and I clawed at her hands as my body writhed in her grasp. She released my throat but began dragging me back towards where Matthew was still approaching.

This couldn't be happening . . . Oh, but it was.

I coughed and spluttered, trying to drag in air. It was tainted with the approach of Matthew; but I was still in control. As Ara dragged me I found my footing and swept my leg against her knocking them from under her. In her panic she released the hair she had been clinging to and fell into a crouch.

I really didn't want to fight her but I couldn't see any other option; I backed away on all fours; keeping my eyes vigilantly on the woman in front of me. I knew she was drunk from the scent of Matthew; there was nothing I could do to sober her from that now. She was lost to it; her only rational thought was that I was the one to satiate the burning. I was the only one that could be satisfied by his blood.

"You're weak, Nessie. Always over emotional; always over thinking. This is who you are, this is what you were born to be; but you cower away from it. You deny your natural gift."

"This isn't who I am, Ara. If I gave way to my instinct, I would lose who I am, everything I have fought to be. You would make me do that?" I was grasping at straws, hoping that I could break through this blood lust to my friend who was trapped beneath all of this mess.

"You're pathetic." Ara spat spitefully. "Every memory of his blood has brought us to this point. Do you know how often you think about the call of his blood? Do you know how often you dream of it?"

"Ara, this isn't you." I begged, I crawled backwards a little more.

Ara laughed and stalked to the right; slinking lower to the ground as she moved. I followed her with my body; watching her movements. She tensed every part of herself as she calculated the distance between us; then she sprang.

I moved quickly meeting her mid air and pulling her to the ground with me; we rolled through the bracken quickly before parting and springing once more into our attack positions.

"You surprise me, Nessie. I expected you to run away."

"I don't want to fight you, Ara; but I will. I won't let you do this." I was still holding onto my rationality; I didn't need this, but I had to make a stand.

"Let me? I won't let you walk away from this opportunity. All you have to do is drink his blood and this will all be over."

"No, Ara. I won't change who I am so you can satisfy some sick urge."

"It's your sick urge, Ness."

Ara sprang again and landed against me throwing us both back into a large silver spruce. The trunk cracked on impact; the loud noise of the brutal strike echoed through the trees. I used the falling tree to my advantage and pushed against it. Ara stumbled back and I used the opportunity to throw a punch into her gut. She doubled over holding her stomach with both hands. I felt terrible but moved around her cautiously.

I backed away in the direction of the house; I didn't want to fight her but she was making it impossible to walk away. The animal within craved the fight now; but I was too afraid to release it because the smell of Matthew's blood was still to close. I needed to get back to the house. I needed to get away from here.

"Running away?" Ara wheezed; straightening up again.

"It's not always a bad thing Ara. Some battles you can't win. Even if I defeated you I would lose. You're my friend, I will not hurt you."

Ara ran at me with her full speed, but I anticipated her move. As she sprang at me, I stepped to the side and she sailed past me, crashing headfirst into the ground behind me. I heard the growl rippling from her chest as she pushed up from the ground. She turned to face me and fell into a crouch; her chest was heaving in air as she analyzed our positions.

She came at me quickly, we once again met mid-air. Our arms and legs were in a tangle of punches and kicks. We landed hard on the ground and scrambled apart looking for the best advantage. We danced around one another constantly. I was trying with every part of me not to rip her limbs from her body as we fought.

Ara shot forward and managed to land a punch in my stomach; it sent all the air whistling from my body in one gasp; I fought to drag another in as I avoided her balled up fist. I fell into a crouch again as I began losing my patience. I was still keep a vigilant watch on the approaching humans as well as keeping Ara in my sights. I just wanted this to end, I wanted to go home so Ara would regain her perspective.

I sprang at her quickly; but she moved, side-stepping until she could gain the advantage behind me. She pushed me to the ground and pounced on my back; her knee was lodged firmly between my shoulder blades, effectively immobilizing me. Growls and hisses were pouring from me as I fought to dislodge her. I couldn't move my arms enough to get to her, and I could hear her catching her breath as she dropped all of her weight into her knee.

I was stuck, face down on the forest floor, fighting was pointless. I stayed completely still and used the time to calculate my escape from this predicament. I knew I was stronger than Ara; I also knew I had the upper hand; but I couldn't execute that without hurting her. If I could just get her away from the scent; there was a possibility she would regain some of her composure. As it was; the scent of Matthew lingered and strengthened as he continued to get closer.

I was surprised the noise hadn't scared them; made them turn around and leave. The growls and hissing weren't exactly quiet and I knew our strikes echoed around the forest. I couldn't understand why he kept coming. Everything this boy did seemed to lead him into danger. Even a simple hike in the woods.

Ara leaned forward until her mouth was close to my ear. She regained her breath and her voice was like ice as she spoke. This was no longer my friend; this was a predator.

"You smell that Nessie? He's getting closer, are you getting thirsty?"

I was, and Ara knew it. With every step Matthew took towards us, my throat flamed lapping at the flesh with renewed vigor. It was torture; I craved his blood, my mouth pooled with saliva. I didn't want to hurt him though. My mind was still in control; the monster was still chained. It was physically painful but there was no mental anguish to accompany it. Was I finally in control of this irrational want? How long would that last?

The new development seemed to give me strength; my arms were still immobilized by Ara's restriction. My legs were free though, I moved them; digging them into the ground below me. Then I pushed, pushed with every ounce of strength I could conjure inside of myself.

Ara shifted slightly and her hand once again tangled into my hair. She rose from my back, but before I could make a move she was dragging me closer towards the scent. The smell strengthened with every step she took, the fire burned within me. I struggled, trying to twist my body so I could regain my footing.

The smell was becoming almost unbearable; he was getting so close, my entire body shook from the conflict of mind over instinct. I was still battling myself; trying to keep control of my mind as my body attempted to fight off Ara's insistent pull.

I dug my hands and feet into the ground and clenched my teeth as Ara continued forward. I could feel the follicles of my hair screaming as she pulled against the weight of my body. It seemed to create an anger inside of me. This greed she'd been overtaken with was my emotion. It was my conflict. She would only be satisfied when I was satisfied. When I drank from Matthew she would gain the same pleasure that I felt.

I refused to kill for her greed.

I pulled back with my legs and let the muscles bunch under the skin. If it was a fight she wanted; she would get it. I'd had enough; I didn't want to be in this position any more. I pushed forward and landed in her side, pushing her to the ground. A growl pushed forward out of me as I bared my teeth at her.

I lowered my head to her neck and let my teeth graze the skin. Crimson liquid beaded against the perforation of the skin and Ara snarled. Her hands moved to her neck and I pushed away from her. I hadn't tasted her blood, I had simply run my teeth against her skin. Her blood didn't call to me, not even as a normal humans would so it was easy to keep my focus.

Ara's eyes widened in shock as she touched the small cut and examined the blood on her fingers. I didn't know how weak we were. Our human traits were a downfall; but no one had wanted to test just how easily we could be injured. Carlisle had speculated what our weaknesses could be, but there was never any concrete proof because they wouldn't test me. They wouldn't push my boundaries. I made a mental note to let him know what I had discovered. I laughed darkly at myself before refocusing on Ara. She was getting up again.

"You bit me,"

"No, I cut you, Ara. Can't you see how irrational you're being?"

"Irrational?"

"His blood calls to me; not you. This is my burden to bear. You are lost to this blood lust, can't you see that, can't you feel the physical pain it causes?"

"Then why fight it Nessie? It could all be resolved; all you need to do is drink."

"Have you considered that killing him could be more painful that dealing with this? You can walk away from my pain; you have the luxury of disappearing while I suffer. Drinking his blood may remove the physical pain, but it will only start the mental anguish. Surely you can't be that selfish."

"You let your morals rule your life; you were born to feed from humans. It's our birthright."

"Our birthright; are you listening to yourself? Ara we have a choice, we are half human. Our humanity is what differentiates us from vampires; it gives us compassion, it gives us _morals_. If you choose to ignore that, that's your prerogative; to listen to it is mine."

Ara's palms pressed against her temples and a deranged smile passed across her lips. "You are so weak. It's pathetic."

I took another step back, trying to distance myself further from her. Her eyes focused in on me and her lips peeled back over her teeth.

"This is my choice," she growled, then pounced at me. She hit me hard sending us both rolling onto the ground. I gained my footing quickly and spun to face her again. She was quick though, her hand closed around my throat and she pushed me forward, I didn't know what was behind me; but I struggled to release myself from her grasp. I was only able to gain small gasps of air as her fingers constricted around my throat, but I never stopped fighting her.

My arms flailed landing punches in the side of her body. My legs kicked, trying to pull her feet from under her. She stumbled and growled as she moved. My feet were no longer on the ground as she raised me from it. I felt something close in behind me and I came crashing against a tree.

Her mistake was giving me something to push away from. My legs found their footing against the trunk and my hands closed around her neck. I pushed away with my legs and Ara stumbled backwards. I wound my legs around hers making her lose balance completely. She landed flat on her back, the air whooshing from her lungs.

We were a barrage of snarls and growls as we rolled across the forest floor. Both of us were throwing punches and snapping at the other with our teeth. I was trying not to kill her, not to hurt her to the point of it being irreversible. She would not kill me; she needed me to fulfill the call of Matthew's blood. This was about her wanting the satisfaction.

I jumped from the ground and pulled her up with me, I kicked her hard in the stomach before she'd even found her footing. She sailed back and landed against a tree. It shook before cracking loudly and falling towards the forest floor. Ara screamed; it was mingled with a growl as she pushed against the falling trunk. She propelled forward towards me, but I kicked again sending her back into another small spruce.

I fell to the ground in a crouch and waited for her to regain her footing. My chest heaved as I studied my target. She was tiring, her movements were becoming exaggerated as she stood. Her chest was heaving as she tried to catch her breath.

We circled one another slowly, my hands were inches from the ground. I knew how to use all of my limbs to my advantage. Zafrina had taught me well. I drew breath in slowly now, focusing my attention on Ara. I was waiting for her next move.

I didn't know what had changed so quickly. We had been good friends, she'd followed me into the forest to comfort me. Was I the danger here? Was I what Orion had worried about? Everything had changed so quickly, we were laughing and sprinting, following the deer. Then my whole world came crashing down.

I had, until this point, been able to abstain; I should be encouraged by that revelation. However, it was tainted by my friends bloodlust. She was thirsting for the satisfaction Matthew's blood would bring me. I could see what a curse her gift was now. She was driven to this because her entire self, mental and physical was attuned to me. The approaching of Matthew was getting stronger every second we wasted in the melee.

I had enough belief in myself to hope I could stop myself if Matthew showed up. It would be difficult, I knew that much. With each passing second he got closer, the raw burn in my throat was growing increasingly more painful. My body constantly pointed me in his direction; but my mind was my own for now. I had to keep faith in that, I had to believe in myself.

Ara circled closer, making the circle we danced in smaller. This would once again end in physical confrontation; and I had, by this point, had enough. I would not let her win; I couldn't, but I was growing weary.

Ara struck quickly and accurately. Pinning me to the ground again, her knees were on my arms and her hand was, once again, around my throat. I lay still; relaxing my body so the grip she had wouldn't tighten. I knew how our reflexes worked.

Her eyes narrowed as she glared down at me. If I let her, she would take me directly to Matthew, but she couldn't do that. She knew if she released me, I would fight back. Her hand tightened around my throat, cutting off my air. I stayed as still as I could as my lungs began to burn.

My body started struggling for air; fighting for the breath it needed. My body convulsed under the weight of Ara as I struggled. My vision was growing blurry and darkness was beginning to take over.

Was this it then? Was I dying because I had won against the burning thirst? Had Ara lost control so completely?

The darkness began to impair my vision and the lines of Ara's face started falling out of focus. My heart pounded in my chest as my body continued its struggle. I could hear it raging in my ears. My mind began to follow my body's panic. I was dying and I knew it. How weak I was, how fragile. I would never get the chance to tell Carlisle.

My heart shattered again as I realized I would never get the chance to apologize to my parents; to say goodbye. The argument seemed so asinine now; now that I was dying I just wanted my happiness again.

I could feel my eyes fluttering in the sockets as my body started to give up the fight. The last words I had said to my father was that I hated him. My chest constricted with the pain of the memory. I had always been taught better, I should never have left the house with the ice cold anger that had consumed me. Angry words would be the last memory my family had of me.

There was a roaring growl in my ears and I smiled, was this my homecoming?

The weight lifted from my body and a painful draw of air filled my lungs. I coughed as the air burnt my lungs. I opened my eyes and let my head roll to the side. Ara was laid unconscious on the ground under a large russet colored wolf.

I smiled as the pain started to cloud my mind again. My throat burned as I tried to speak. I should have known he would come. He loved me.

"Jacob," The pain overtook me as the words spilled from me, and the darkness swallowed me whole.

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**A/N: *waves* It's Wednesday :) Look at me uploading on time again :) Okay, so this little exchange may confuse some of you but I promise it will all become clear with time. If you have any questions, ask away and I will try and get back to you asap :) . . . I hope you enjoyed, and I am, as always, eager to hear what you think :)**

**The song for this chapter is THREE TIMES AND YOU LOSE by TRAVIS. It is in the media player on my website which you can get to from my profile. **

**I would like to thank Vicki for helping me fix the chapters at the end, she brought my focus back when I got side tracked. To goldentemptress, you are awesome, I am so excited about Socks for Sex, the intro chapters are up for anyone who's interested. The two intros are on my profile, but the story will be uploaded onto goldentemptress', there is a link for that on my profile too :)**

**Thank you for all the alerts and faves, and . . . THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS. I ADORE YOU GUYS AND YOU INSPIRE ME COMPLETELY . . . I LOVE YA AND YOU ROCK!!!!!!  
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**TILL FRIDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -  
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	32. Chapter 31: Map of the Problematique

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

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**_**Chapter 31: Map of the Problematique**

The darkness that consumed me was disturbed as snapping and snarling filled the silence. Light began penetrating my eyes as I blinked them open to the green canopy above me. My chest was on fire drowning out the burning that had consumed my throat. The air filled them in burning swirls, as I lay confused on the forest floor

Another round of growls filled the space around me and I focused quickly, turning my head to look at the source of the noise. A small cry of fear escaped my lips at the scene in front of me. Ara was still unconscious on the ground at the other side of the clearing, but Will and Jacob were locked in a fierce battle between us.

The vampire struck with the venomous accuracy of a snake; the wolf danced out of the way snapping at the limbs of the vampire. The danced around one another purposefully, neither was defending, they were both attacking, and they were fighting to the death.

This was wrong; this shouldn't be happening. My fear for Jacob's safety over shadowed any pain I was feeling. I hated seeing him locked in a fight with a vampire as big as Will. It wasn't that I doubted his ability to fight, I knew better than that. I just didn't want him to get hurt because of what I had done. My stupid selfish actions had done this.

I didn't want to distract them though and I really didn't think I was capable of moving, even if I wanted to. I closed my eyes and called as loudly as I could hoping that my parents were close enough that they could hear me. I was screaming for my dad as another blow was exchanged between the wolf and the vampire. I heard the subtle crack of a bone and I knew that it was Jacob. Vampires were never that weak.

I wanted to stop them, I wanted to jump between them and act as a shield for Jacob. The move would distract Jacob though and I knew just how fragile I was now. There was no way I could win against this vampire he could break me easily. I wasn't as fragile as a human, but I wasn't as unbreakable as a vampire either.

They moved quickly around the small space between Ara and I, circling, snapping, and growling. The sound was furious and loud as they lunged at one another. Silent tears ran down my cheeks. I needed to stop this. I couldn't let Jacob get hurt. His safety was more important than mine. I had to do something, anything.

I worked myself up until I was standing, ignoring the aches that ran throughout my entire body. I concentrated on keeping my balance before I channeled into my strength. My chest was still burning as I drug in fresh new air. I watched them carefully, looking for a good place to intervene. They moved so quickly; my eyes darted around the space looking for a hole.

My lungs burned as I dragged in the air. I crouched slowly as Will circled Jacob again. He still hadn't seen me. As he prepared to strike I lunged forward plowing into his rock solid form. The crash reverberated around the small area, but Will didn't move much, he only stumbled a couple of steps on impact. He growled at me and peeled me from his body, throwing me with ease into another tree.

We were leaving a circle of destruction in this small area. Tree limbs lay sprawled across the damp ground in odd formations. I stood back up and tried to shake off the blow. Will and Jacob were locked into their fight again; keening and snaps were filling the air. Will's treatment of me had obviously angered Jacob, he moved forward snapping quickly. His large powerful jaws opening and closing as his teeth clicked together.

A loud howl sounded from deep in the forest and my head snapped to the sound. I knew at least one of the pack members had been phased and seen what was going on. They were heading towards us as backup for Jacob. My heart hammered in my chest; this was my only chance to get help. If I didn't stop this, it was going to turn into an all out war. I couldn't let that happen, not now.

I tried to think of something, anything that could calm down this situation, I knew my only chance was to get my family involved. "Jacob; whoever is on their way tell them to get my family, _please_ Jacob."

He didn't look at me but I knew he'd heard me, and whoever was connected with his mind had heard me too. I just hoped it was Seth. Seth would know how imperative my family's involvement in this would be. We had to work together as a team or this mess could turn into a certifiable disaster.

There was a howl in the distance and I hoped it was recognition of my request, an answer to my plea. I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I watched as the two fought in front of me, wolf vs. vampire, the supposed natural order of things. I wouldn't let that happen, I once again waited for my chance to jump into the fray. If Jacob got hurt . . . I shook out the thought knowing it wasn't going to help me. I needed to think clearly, I needed to pay attention to what was going on in front of me. The tree I had broken lay beside me, only connected by a small twist of bark. Could I use it?

No, I could miss and hit Jacob, they were moving so quickly I couldn't effectively throw it at them.

They broke apart briefly before crashing onto one another again, the snarling growls were immensely loud and I circled back until I was behind Jacob. I was waiting for the perfect opportunity to jump in but they were twisting together. Paws and limbs tangled as the small battle raged on.

Keening and cracks filled the air. It made my heart pound in my chest and my screaming lungs tighten with fear. It was now or never.

I edged closer to Jacob, avoiding his mouth and Will's arms. I slowed my breathing and concentrated on their movements, moving with them as quickly as I could. I had to time this just right; I had to take control of this situation. No more pain could be issued because of me, I had to stop this and soon.

I saw the blow that was aimed for Jacob's ribs and stepped in to take the impact. I screamed as the fist landed in my side, but I stood my ground, growling and snarling at Will. I leaned against Jacob for support as I moved forward. His muzzle pushed against me trying to remove me from the situation but I wouldn't let him get hurt because of this. I pounced at the vampire quickly. My hands tangled around his neck as I swung around him onto his back. The sharp pain in my side screamed as I attached myself. My teeth dug into his neck sending a high screaming keen into the atmosphere.

Will growled and tangled one of his large hands into my hair. He pulled me over his shoulder and wrapped his arm around my neck. My mouth snapped at any part of his flesh it could reach. The noise was like nails down a chalkboard. With ever tighten of his muscles; I could feel the burning in my lungs picking up again.

Jacob was growling but standing back, afraid to catch me with his bared teeth. His eyes were locked on Will's arm around my neck. Will tightened his hold and my body fought the same pain it had suffered with Ara. I was fighting for breath, my lungs screaming for air, but this time I fought. Will wasn't as fragile as Ara and I wasn't afraid to hurt him.

I tried to reposition myself so I had the advantage, but his arm tightened again. He had the strength to squeeze the life right out of me, and I could feel myself losing strength as he tightened his grip. I turned my head as much as I could and buried my teeth into his arm as deep as I could penetrate his skin. He howled at the brutality of my teeth as the punctured deeply into his skin and he loosened his arm.

I looked up, just in time to see Ara moving up behind him. Her eyes were full of rage as they locked in on me. She didn't have a chance to strike though. Will threw me from him, using all of his strength. I felt the air whoosh past me and braced myself for impact. I didn't know what I would hit, but it was inevitable that I would hit something eventually.

I was surprised when something plucked me out of the air. Two strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me into their chest. I pulled in another deep breath before I looked up and smiled. Emmett was grinning and shaking his head slowly.

"Nice save," I whispered weakly.

Emmett laughed and dropped me to my feet. I turned around to head back into the fight; but there was already a wall of vampires between the vampire and the wolf. Seth was beside Jacob pushing him away from the line, he could how riled up Jacob was, and I'm sure it didn't hurt that he could hear his thoughts either.

Jacob's eyes flickered between Will and I, I knew he'd been concerned about me, and I also knew he wanted to get at Will for what he had done to me. A surge of love and admiration for Jacob coursed through me like fire; he was doing this to protect me. I ran towards him, throwing my arms around his neck, wincing at the slight pain in my side as I reached up to him.

"Are you alright, Jake?"

Jacob whined and nudged me with his snout. He looked up at the scene before him, but there was only my family. Ara and Will were nowhere to be seen. I looked at him again and took a deep breath. It was over for now. Unfortunately, the deep breath caused a surge of pain to travel through my body. Without really being aware of it, I slid to the ground in front of Jacob.

"Nessie," My parents had called my name in unison and were crouched beside me before I could even blink. I winced in pain again as I tried to stand up.

"Carlisle," My dad's voice was full of concern as he turned to my grandfather, "She's hurt."

Everyone stopped what he or she were doing and rushed towards me. I smiled weakly and looked up at my family. This was definitely a new discovery. I was guessing after all this time; they just assumed I was as unbreakable as they were. At least we knew the answer to that question.

"Dad, I'm so sorry . . . I . . . I don't hate you, I was just angry."

"Nessie honey, stop. It was a disagreement. It's over now." He cooed gently, his voice soothing and calming as his hand gently stroked my hair.

"Granddad," I said looking to Carlisle, "We bleed, I used my teeth to cut Ara and she bled."

"That's interesting sweetheart, but I think you have a broken bone or two in your side." He pushed gently along my side but the pain was already fading. "Does that hurt?"

"No, in fact the pain's going away."

"Interesting." He mused, his head tipping to the side and his eyes gaining a far away look as he concentrated.

"What?" My mom asked turning to Carlisle.

"She seems to share the healing speed with the wolves. I wonder if that's got something to do with their chromosomes?" he said, running his fingers over my ribs again.

"Jacob says she passed out from Ara choking her. She was out for a while after he knocked Ara away from her." My dad said smiling at the wolf gently. It seemed he was grateful. Jacob had such a connection with me he followed me, probably against my parents wishes. It turned out that it had saved my life this time.

"What happened?" My mom asked me, brushing my hair from my face.

I sighed and placed my palm against her cheek, knowing that my dad would see it through my mind. I played it from the moment Ara had caught up with me in the forest to the moment Emmett caught me. I didn't leave a thing out, knowing they would need to see that it was beyond Ara's control.

"I am so proud of you." My mom smiled, helping me to my feet. "It was still so strong, but you fought it. I knew you were strong."

"Where are Orion and Nahuel?" I asked looking around feeling as though I needed to explain to them what happened. It was their sister I had been in a tumult with.

"They went after Ara and Will." this was a voice I didn't know well but I knew whom it must be. I looked at Simon and smiled weakly. I suddenly felt embarrassed about what had transpired here.

"I'm sorry about attacking your friend."

Simon gave me a bemused smile. "Will has taken Ara as a mate; he would defend her completely whether it was the right thing to do or not. It was his choice to engage in a fight. Ara had called to him as the wolf pounced. He apologized to me before leaving the house."

"Jacob wouldn't have hurt her. He was just trying to stop her." My dad said quietly, slapping Jacob on the shoulder.

"Be that as it may; Will could only hear Ara's fear. He reacted from instinct."

"It's understandable. I hope Orion and Nahuel are able to catch up to them." My mom was always one to see both sides. I smiled at her and brushed my hand along Jacob's wolf face as he lowered it protectively over my shoulder.

He hummed gently at my touch and closed his eyes, leaning his head into my hands. "Does anyone know if Matthew saw any of this?"

Everyone looked at my dad for the answer, but he shook his head. "I couldn't hear him when we showed up. The growling probably scared them away. I can't smell them either. Can you Nessie?"

"No, it's gone completely." I said after concentrating on the air passing through the trees.

"Maybe you should take a drive towards his house, Edward. See if you can hear anything." Carlisle said; he was watching Jacob cautiously. "First though, can you ask Jacob if he's hurt? He's standing with his weight on one side."

Jacob chuckled wolfishly before looking at my dad.

"He says there's a couple of broken ribs but they're healing."

"Hmm, I would still prefer he phase back so I can get an X-ray. I think it would be a good idea to try and get one for you too Nessie."

"I'm fine, honestly," I protested with a smile.

"If your ribs have healed badly it will cause you pain." Carlisle said in his professional voice.

I nodded my assent and ran my hand through Jacob's fur again. I buried my head in his furry cheek and breathed in his woodsy scent. "I love you Jacob."

Jacob moved so that he had his head against my back and I was cradled between his face and neck. It was warm and incredibly calming being this close to him. I hated seeing him fight like that. I knew that he could take care of himself, but the thought of any harm coming to him crushed me completely, I would be happy to never see him fight again.

"Okay, why don't we get home; Edward, you and Bella can try and found out if Matthew saw anything. I will give Nessie and Jacob and X-ray."

"Jacob wants to talk to Seth quickly and then phase back before we go." My dad said pulling me out of the small cocoon Jacob had created for me. I sighed at the loss of warmth. "We'll start back slowly Jacob. Take all the time you need."

Jacob nudged me gently before pawing over to Seth. I let my hand run across his fur as he passed me towards him. His tail gently flicked me before he passed me completely. I laughed lightly and leaned into my dad as we walked towards the house.

I was still amazed at how quickly things had escalated. Everything was such a mess. Ara had run away with Will blood crazed and angry. There was a chance Matthew had seen the battle between Ara and I or Jacob and Will; and Orion and Nahuel had disappeared after their sister. The fact that they had gone without knowing what had happened worried me. Ara was their sister, and I knew how deep their bonds ran. There was a chance I would lose my friends because of this.

"They know their sister better than you think." My dad whispered, squeezing me gently. "When they left; they were wondering what she had done. They knew, on some level, that she had caused this. Ara has always been the most feral of the group."

"She didn't cause this dad; it was my blood lust that caused this. She felt it through me; she experienced the whole thing just as I did. It wasn't her fault. The first time it happened I couldn't control it."

My dad sighed and kissed my head. "You are so trusting, Nessie. Just like your mother. You have to realize that Orion and Nahuel have been nervous about her interaction with you. When Orion had that second dream and they decided to come, Ara made the choice to accompany them. Orion was very confused by her decision. It wasn't until she saw how Ara interacted with you that she begun to grow suspicious. Ara, in the mind of her brother and sister, is very selfish."

"Even if she knew what to expect, her reaction couldn't have been her fault. It wasn't premeditated, she couldn't have know Matthew would be out here."

"I don't think she knew Matthew was here. Orion and Nahuel almost expected this moment though; it's why she attached herself to you. She has a stronger bloodlust than any of her siblings. She was also the closest to her father. You assume she couldn't control herself, but her mental decisions contradict that."

"In what way?"

"If she had simply been lost to the bloodlust, she would have taken off after Matthew herself. There would have been no thought of why she wanted his blood so completely. I believe she was in control because she knew, in order to be satisfied by his blood, you would need to drink. Rational thought was still present."

Ara, had she truly been my friend, or was it all just a ploy to get what she wanted from me? She'd known of my singer from Orion. Had she simply befriended me to manipulate me until she got her own way? I hated to think that way. She had become a good friend; and to think of it as a ruse so she could use it against me in my weakest moment . . . it made me feel sick.

Nahuel and Orion had almost always followed Ara when she found me alone. Had this been why? Had they expected this? Why hadn't they told me, warned me? Why hadn't they warned my parents?

"They told us they day they arrived, but I found nothing in Ara's thoughts to suspect they were right. I've been listening to her everyday waiting for her thoughts to betray her, but she must have been very careful."

I thought about all the lies she'd fed me. If this was true, she hadn't been fascinated and concerned about my pain. Everything she'd told me before we followed the herd had been a lie. She'd simply used it as a tool to get close to me; she'd use my emotions against me. Simply biding her time until I made the mistake she knew I'd make eventually. My dad was right I was too trusting.

"She was being honest with you when she told you she was drawn to your emotions. The first day they got here, she paced around the house looking confused. Her thoughts were curious, she couldn't understand why you berated yourself so much. Why you tortured yourself. Unfortunately, she used that against you."

"Being trusting isn't always a bad thing, sweetheart." My mom said. She was now on the other side of me with her arm wrapped firmly around both my father and me. "I know it hurts when something like this happens, but everyone is betrayed at some point."

"It doesn't make it hurt any less."

"No, but you learn from it. It can only make you stronger. Trust is a powerful thing, you can't go through life thinking everyone will let you down, you'll be miserable."

I knew she was right. I couldn't be suspicious of everyone in my life all of the time. I had known most of them since my birth and they had never given me any reason to doubt them. I couldn't let one experience change my view on life, or the people I loved.

I turned my head to see Jacob approaching. I'd heard his gently footfalls as we talked. He grinned and stopped at my mothers other side throwing his arm across the three of us. Walking at the same pace.

"Seth, Embry and Leah are going to patrol the area for us. If Ara and Will try and make it back to the house we'll know. I've told them not to attack, I just want to be prepared when the head back towards us."

"Thank you, Jacob. I think it's probably a good idea to be prepared." my dad smiled at Jacob as though the situation this morning had never happened. "Were going to leave when we get to the house; I think we need to know what Matthew saw or heard as soon as possible. If you could stay close to Nessie, Jacob; it would ease my mind a little."

Jacob raised his eyebrows and my dad laughed. My mom and I looked at one another and laughed, we didn't need to hear Jacob's comment. It was obvious in the look he'd given my dad. My dad kissed my head again and broke away from me holding his hand out to my mom. She kissed me on the forehead before dancing out of her space between Jacob and I. She took my dad's hand and the two of them ran towards the house.

Jacob closed the gap between us and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close to him.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," I sighed. "I just feel stupid, if I hadn't of overreacted this wouldn't have happened. I was just so angry with everyone, my dad in particular, I couldn't help feeling like he was ruining the memory of the best day of my life."

"The best day of your life?"

I rolled my eyes and slapped his stomach playfully. "To date. How are you feeling?"

"Better now I know your safe."

I laid my head against his side as we walked together towards the house. "I was so scared I wouldn't get to apologize. My body was fighting for breath and all I wanted to do was apologize to you and my parents. I didn't want to die knowing my last words were in anger."

"I thought I'd lost you." Jacob said quietly, pulling me tighter. "You whispered my name and there was no life in your voice. You collapsed immediately after that, your heart was beating so slowly. I'm so used to the constant flutter of your heart; it scared me. When I tried to get to you the bloodsucker barreled into me."

I left the slight alone, after fighting with Will I wasn't going to correct his derogatory name for him.

I wanted to remember this pain and fear the next time I decided to run from a situation. I wanted to remember the fear that had consumed me when I had been sure I would die.

"So what ended up happening?" I asked shyly. "After I left the house,"

"Well, your dad, after he tried to kill me, told me he was disappointed in me. Your mom told him that he'd overreacted again. Rosalie was told to leave the room by Edward, and I apologized, but not for what happened, I don't regret that." he grinned. "It was the second best day of my life."

"Only second? What was the first?"

"The day you were born." he winked at me and I couldn't help laughing.

"So, you didn't make him any unreasonable promises did you?"

"No," Jacob laughed. "I told him that it was your decision, I wouldn't push you into anything you weren't ready for, but I wouldn't reject you again. I am still wondering how you found out about that promise."

"Will you just drop it?"

"I want to thank them. I would still be sticking to that ridiculous promise otherwise."

"Nice try, Jake." I laughed. "But it's a no go. You'll just have to deal with never knowing."

There was a howling in the distance and Jacob tightened his grip around my waist and picked up the pace.

"Let's get you home; that way I can phase and hear what's going on."

Jacob removed his arm from around my waist and picked up my hand. The two of us ran as fast as we could towards the house.

* * *

**A/N: It's Friday :) Hi gang, hope the rest of your week went well. A lot of info in this chapter, but not everything has been given up just yet :) I hope you enjoyed this one. Let me know ;) **

**The song was MAP OF THE PROBLEMATIQUE by MUSE; it's on the media player on my website. There's a link on my profile :)**

**Thank you to Vicki for encouraging me on and giving me her opinions on things, I hope you feel better soon. To goldentemptress for being a fantastic human! **

**Thank you for the alerts and faves . . . AND REVIEWERS, SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING, THE REVIEWS ON THE LAST CHAPTER WERE AMAZING, AND THEY INSPIRED ME COMPLETELY . . . I LOVE YOU GUYS AND YOU COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY ROCK!!!**

**TILL SUNDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	33. Chapter 32: Deformography

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

_**

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**_**Chapter 32: ****Deformography**

As soon as we arrived back at the house, Jacob transferred me into the custody of Carlisle, while he phased to speak with the pack. The howl had become closer on our short run to the house. There was something coming and Jacob needed to phase to discover exactly what that was.

The house was quiet as everyone gathered in the kitchen to wait for my parents return. I wasn't ready to sit and wait, and I wouldn't let Jacob out of my sight for now. I needed his calm; even seeing him brought me that peace.

Carlisle stood with me at the large window that looked out onto the clearing at the front of the house. Jacob was pacing slowly back and forth in front of the porch steps as though he were waiting for something. With each pass he was making me more nervous. He was slightly agitated; I could tell by the twitch of his tail as he looked off into the distance.

His large body sashayed from side to side, his long legs digging his paws into the ground below him. He was concentrating on what the others were seeing. I wished my dad was here so I would know what was going on. I fidgeted slightly every time Jacob stopped and looked to the East.

As my mind continued to process everything that had happened, I was beginning to get self-conscious about everything that had happened in the last couple of months. Up to this point my life had been so normal; so protected. Nothing untoward had happened since the Volturi had shown up in Forks almost ten years ago. Now everything seemed to be spiraling out of control.

I could pinpoint almost the exact moment things began to change in my life and I felt an irrational hate for Matthew. I knew that he had no control over how his blood smelled; or the way it affected me, but his arrival had changed my life. It seemed so silly to me that I had been upset with the idol gossip of my classmates. It was almost humorous compared to the mess that surrounded me now.

"I almost wish I hadn't sent your dad away," Carlisle said, bringing me out of my contemplation. "It would be nice to know what's going on."

"I know," I sighed hopelessly wrapping my arms around myself, letting a small shiver ride my spine. "I hate being holed up in here, not knowing what's going on."

"Stop blaming yourself, Nessie." Carlisle said as though he could read my mind like my father could.

"I . . ."

"You're very easy to read. You have the same contemplative look as your father does." he chuckled lightly, patting me on the back.

"I can't help it." I sighed in frustration. I really did hate feeling like this. "All this seems to revolve around my weakness. If I could have just walked away, fought the urge. It makes me feel so weak and pathetic."

"You're not weak, Nessie. You've had ten years without this level of temptation. Even your body won't let you deviate from your decisions. You have nothing to feel guilty about; and you're certainly not responsible for Ara's actions."

"If I hadn't been so tempted. She shares every emotional and physical experience. I should have been more careful. What if I have set this dream of Orion's in motion. Ara may have been using me to get what she wanted, but I wouldn't wish harm on her, I still believe she's a good person within all of that."

"We choose our own paths, sweetheart. Ara is no different. She knew what this would do; yet she chose to continue with her plans."

"You really think this was pre-meditated?"

"Like your father said, she was in her right mind; she knew that you were the only one that would be satisfied drinking from Matthew. Any other vampire with the level of bloodlust you suffered would have been confused and would have immediately gone after the boy alone. Unaware that their actions would not satisfy their craving."

I looked out the window again, watching Jacob. The reality was I was hurt, this hurt. The actions of Ara, who I thought was my friend; the betrayal, it hurt like hell. I would never let anyone else know that, they would blame Ara whereas I couldn't. I let myself get into this position. I had let her use me because I valued her friendship too much to really look at what was happening.

I watched Jacob make another pass of the porch, and sighed gently. Whatever was coming was getting closer; I could sense it in Jacob's growing agitation; not to mention the footfalls in the forest were growing closer.

"Do you think if they come back they'll cause trouble?" I asked, looking over at my grandfather.

"Ara and Will were upset. Will calmed as soon as Ara regained consciousness. Ara, your dad said she wasn't entirely in control of her thoughts as she had been. I doubt she'll will be as easy to appease as Will was."

"Orion and Nahuel?"

"They simply went to find their sister. They weren't upset; it was almost as though they has suspected it."

I nodded again, retraining my eyes to Jacob. He ears were pinned to his head as he glared at the trees to the east of the clearing. He backed up until he was completely blocking the stairs of the porch. His hackles were stood on end as he lowered his form to the ground and bore his teeth.

Seth and Embry backed out of the forest, their eyes focused on the trees in front of them. Their ears were very much the same as Jacob's, and their teeth were showing from under their long snouts. Carlisle touched my arm gently as he passed to the door. I followed him onto the porch and stopped there when Jacob's head spun to eye me speculatively. He didn't want me to get involved in whatever was happening.

Carlisle made his way down the steps carefully, stopping next to Jacob at the bottom. He stood next to him silently, and the rest of the family filed outside with us. Esme, Alice and Rosalie stayed by my side as Jasper and Emmett joined Carlisle.

Esme pulled me behind her until I was concealed. I could still see past her, but she was a protective barrier in front of me. I kept my eyes on the spot Seth and Embry were focused on. I knew whatever was coming was being herded by Leah and Eli.

The pack worked effectively together, I had seen them working together before. When we still lived in Forks; a small band of nomads had made their way down the coast and Jacob and Sam's pack had worked together to keep them away from La Push.

I saw the movement in the forest as they stepped towards the tree line. My breath caught in my throat as I waited for visual confirmation. My body relaxed as their faces came into view. It was Orion and Nahuel; and they didn't look completely happy about the escort.

I stepped around Esme, resting my palm gently on her arm so she would know everything was alright, and I made my way down the stairs towards my two friends.

Jacob stepped in front of me as I breached the bottom step. I knew he was trying to protect me, but I had no doubt of Orion and Nahuel's friendship. I let my fingers run through his coat as reassurance as I stepped around him.

"It's okay, Jake. They're not going to hurt me."

Jacob looked at me skeptically as I stepped past him towards my friends, his eyes were trying to argue what his voice could not, but I ignored his look and continued forward. He followed me closely as I approached them, his hot breath blowing my hair in waves of my shoulder as I walked tentatively forward. I tried to keep my face friendly in case they saw the wolves' actions as hostile.

"Were you able to find her?" I asked gently, my tone was light, but my voice was full of concern.

Orion was the first to answer, her eyes roamed over the wolves before the focused on me. She relaxed slightly and returned my smile with a solemn shake of her head. "No, there was no trace of her or Will after they doubled back east and hit the Sauk River. We ran for a few miles up the river to see if we could find the trail on the other side; but I think they stuck to the water as they moved. There was no trace of them."

"I'm so sorry," I said gently. " I never meant for any of this to happen."

I again wished that I had just stayed away from Matthew and fought the urges that his blood seemed to create within me. If I had been stronger this never would have happened. Nahuel and Orion were missing their sister because of this stupid bloodlust.

If I had never left the house in anger after the confrontation with my parents, we wouldn't have to be dealing with this, Everything I had done brought us to this conclusion. I was selfish.

"Nessie, this wasn't your fault. Nahuel and I should have been more vigilant. We just thought that this climate had settled Ara a little. It seems she was just biding her time." I could hear the disappointment in Orion's voice as she assessed her sister's actions. "Nahuel and I were worried when she attached herself to you that way; we should have known it was all deceit. Ara has never been trust worthy; but I never dreamed she would go to such lengths to get her own way."

Jacob nudged my back impatiently and I listened carefully as his hot breath rolled over my shoulder. I could hear the Volvo turning off from the freeway, and accelerating up the driveway quickly. My dad's driving was smooth, even when he was pushing the car to its limits.

"It's just my parents, Jake."

Jacob whined again and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I could understand his nervousness, but I knew we were safe in the company of my family. I also highly doubted that Orion and Nahuel were a danger to me. I motioned for Orion and Nahuel to follow me so I would appease him. He was in alpha mode and I knew there was no shifting him when it came to that.

Orion, Nahuel and I made our way to the house and climbed the stairs as the Volvo came around the last bend. I could already see the curiosity in my parent's faces, as they didn't even bother to park in the garage. Leah, Embry and Eli disappeared back into the forest Jacob and Seth approached the car slowly.

"Ness," my dad's voice was calm but I could see him listening to Jacob. "Jacob wants you to go inside. Will and Ara crossed the river at the closest point to the house and he wants the others to search the area. I'm inclined to agree with him."

Of course he was. I turned around and pushed the door open and went inside, knowing that neither my father nor Jacob would leave me alone until I did. I fell into the couch and pulled my legs up into my chest. It was stupid to let something so small frustrate me, but my nerves were frayed and my emotions were stretched to their limits. Orion followed me in and sat next to me; her eyes were full of apologies.

"Nessie,"

"Orion, please don't apologize. This wasn't your fault, I should have been more careful. I should have never left the house." I felt guilty about everything that happened, I also still felt selfish. Orion didn't need to make an apology for her sister.

"Nessie, Ara knew that you were distraught so she followed you knowing she could manipulate you while your emotions were taking precedent."

"How could she have known that Matthew was even around?"

"I was sure she knew how close to the town you were. She took a chance and it paid off. Ara, I suspect she has been waiting for that opportunity from the moment she attuned herself with you." Orion shook her head in disgust, and her eyes widened as se looked up at me.

I frowned, if it were merely coincidence that was just too convenient. How could anything happen like that, so perfectly, with such precision?

"Nahuel and I were talking also; we believe she's brought us and Jacob into this as well. When you went hunting with Nahuel; the day Jacob showed up. Ara had told Nahuel that you had affection for him. That your emotions were more than simply friendly towards him." Orion's eyes moved down to her hands. "That was why Nahuel spoke with you; she knew Jacob was already jealous. She felt it when we arrived. So she used that to keep you unhappy. She's always said people are easier to manipulate when they are hurting."

"Ara did that? Ara set up the whole thing? How did she know Jacob was coming here?"

It seemed almost silly to be defending the one person that betrayed me, but in essence, some of the suggestions Orion seemed to be making didn't seem to fit. If they were true though, Ara had bided her time carefully, and this had all been planned. It almost made me sick to my stomach.

"That's the part we were unsure of. That's why we overlooked it. Now that all this has happened I'm convinced that she had something to do with him being here."

"Why would she do that? Why would she come all this way to destroy me?"

"I think that was my fault. When I had that dream, the one I was able to tell your parents so they could stop you. She had come with me when I checked to make sure they'd caught you in time. Your father told me about the singer and I know Ara had heard him. La tua cantante has always fascinated her; I didn't even think that it would be the reason she insisted accompanying us here."

"Are you saying she planned this all along?" Could she have? Had everything she said and done been a lie?

"I'm afraid so. I think she genuinely likes you, Nessie; but her greed was inherited from our father. She has continued to live by his standards. I thought that maybe your innocence had changed her, that your friendship had influenced her to forget her life with our father."

I stood up slowly and walked towards the door in shock. I couldn't believe this. I couldn't believe that our entire friendship had been based on a lie; based on Ara's greed. If anyone would have told me these things before today I would never have believed them. To me, Ara had been nothing but supportive.

"Nessie, where are you going?"

"I need to ask Jake why he came over that day. I think I know why; but I need to hear it to believe it."

Orion jumped from the couch and followed me to the door as I pulled it open. The entire family looked towards me and I could see the shock on each of their faces; they'd heard every word exchanged between Orion and I. My mother was stood with her hand covering her mouth; my dad was stood next to her, his hand on her shoulder.

"Jacob," my voice was weak as I looked at him directly and I could see his anger reflecting from his eyes.

"He says he received a text message from you," my dad said gently. "It said that you wanted to see him; that you missed him and needed him with you."

"I never sent that message," I said, and watched as his face fell. I knew I had to tell him everything I had been feeling that day, because what the message had said was true, it just hadn't been sent by me. "I did miss you, I did want to see you, when I came out of that forest in high spirits it was because I had decided to go to you, to apologize. I wanted to talk to you and apologize, explain what I had been going through. That message wasn't mine though."

"It was a set up," Nahuel said, I could hear the vehemence in his voice. "She used us all in her little game."

Jacob growled and backed away from the group. I stepped forward worried about what he might be planning. I didn't want to see him losing his temper again; I didn't want to see him locked in another fight with Will to get to Ara.

"He's just going to phase, sweetheart." My dad's voice broke through my fear, stripping away the tumultuous emotions that had begun drowning me. I nodded and waited for him to reappear after he disappeared into the trees.

I couldn't stop myself from running into his arms when he reappeared. Even though that nightmare was over. This all seemed to bring it back into the light. Stirring up the same emotions I had been suffering in that one moment. I was just thankful I had him to calm me down; that he was here with me instead of me having to run to him.

He caught me easily and buried his head in my hair. I wasn't sure if I regretted what had happened; it had lead to the most perfect night of my life. I did regret the pain though; I regretted what we both had to go through to get to that point.

I heard my dad's exaggerated sigh behind me and I cringed. I wasn't sure if it was my memory or Jacob's that had caused the reaction. I felt a little guilty though, I didn't regret anything; but I didn't want my dad to have to see the replays in my mind.

"So Ara is to thank for that!" My dad sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose.

My mom frowned at him, waiting for an explanation. My dad's eyes widened as she chattered at him from her mind.

"The progression of their relationship, love."

I buried my head in Jacob's chest knowing that the entire family would read into that exactly how it was intended. I was horrified. I felt Jacob's form move as Emmett slapped him on the shoulder. Typical Emmett.

"Emmett," Rosalie snapped.

"What?"

"Your niece is _nine_."

I heard Emmett's laughter and closed my eyes. _Thanks Dad!_

"Edward, did you have to do that in front of everyone?" My mom whispered under her breath.

"They already knew!" my dad said defending himself.

My head shot up and I looked at him. He shrugged his shoulders and looked to Emmett and Rosalie. I didn't need confirmation, as soon as he'd said it I'd known. I looked to Orion; her eyes widened.

"Ara," we said together.

"We overheard her telling Nahuel." Alice said quietly.

This time everyone looked at Nahuel. Was this whole thing a ploy to get me out of the house? Had she known that Matthew would be in the forest? She couldn't have; could she?

"Did Ara go out today?" I asked, my mind working overtime putting things together in my mind.

"Not that I know of." Orion answered. "Why?"

"How could she have known that Matthew was hiking today?"

"We don't know that she did."

"She had to have. Why would she instrument an argument between my parents and me? She knew they would find out, and she knew I would get upset. She was adamant about us going to hunt after I'd calmed down. That was when we ran into the scent."

"I can honestly say I can't remember her going anywhere until she followed you out. She was watching movies with me upstairs all morning." Orion said; I could see the confusion behind her furrowed brow.

"What about Will?" My mom asked gently. "He hasn't left her side all week, was he there with her?"

Orion shook her head. "No he left for a while, but he was there before she left to find you. I thought it was a little strange. He's been her shadow all week. I thought he was with Simon."

"No, Simon was in the library. He was asking me questions about anatomy, and how our venom works." Carlisle said quietly.

"Do you think. . .?"

"It's possible. I wouldn't put anything past Ara when she wants something." Nahuel said quietly.

"So what happens now; what will Ara's next move be?" Jasper asked, his mind was always on both sides and he looked at everything as though it was a battle.

"I don't know; but Nahuel is right, she won't stop until she gets her own way. I just don't know how she plans on executing her next move. She'd be stupid to come back here." Orion's voice was filled with repentance for her sister. She had no need to explain or apologize for her sister's behavior, but I knew she was shouldering the blame. She felt responsible.

"Well she can't get to Nessie; especially if she's always with one of us." Emmett said darkly.

"I agree with Orion; as long as I'm here, I'm fine. Ara isn't stupid. She knows that we're all too aware of what's going on now." I said quietly.

"Were you able to hear Matthew, Edward?" Carlisle asked as an afterthought.

"Yes; he thought it was bears fighting in the forest. He and someone named Tommy never got close enough to see anything. The took off early on by the sounds of it."

"Good; one less thing to worry about."

"Look, I know Nessie's safe here, but I would feel better if she was in La Push. Two packs of wolves aren't going to let anyone on the reservation. We'll keep Anna there too in case Ara gets the bright idea of hostages."

"Keeping Anna there's a good idea, but I really don't think Nessie needs to be there. They won't get past eight vampires."

I could see the frustration in Jacob's eyes and knew exactly why he was worried. If Ara did decide to go after Anna, the reservation was the first place they would try and he had his responsibility to his tribe to keep them safe.

It didn't matter that half his pack and Sam's pack were patrolling there. He still felt responsible. If I stayed here, he wouldn't leave me. This left him torn; I could see it in his eyes as they lingered on me. I also knew my dad could hear him.

"Jacob, please. You know I'll be fine. There are eight vampires here to protect me. La Push needs you. You know I would come with you, but that would make my family nervous. If you need to be there, I understand because I _will_ be safe here. You of all people should realize that. I'm not going anywhere."

His arms tightened around my waist and his skin turned pale. I knew this was tearing him apart. His natural instincts were tearing him in two; because protecting me, and protecting his home were his main objectives in life. They ran parallel; they were symbiotic. The rest of the wolves had something he didn't when it came to situations like this.

Normally, the imprint would be on the protected land, so protecting one would be protecting the other. Jacob didn't have that luxury. I was a couple hundred miles away from his natural home and it divided him unnecessarily.

"I know you're feeling divided, Jake. I do too, I want to be where you are, but we both have our families to think about right now. As well as one another, I promise; I will not go anywhere without at least a member of my family beside me."

"I don't think I can do it. I can't leave you when the danger is surrounding you. You mean too much to me." he said burying his head into my hair.

"Nessie will be safe here, Jacob. You are right to keep Anna safe. Ara will consider any possibility to get to Nessie. Anna and Nessie's bond surprised her, and she will use it again Nessie if she can. You should protect your land; Ara knows no boundaries, territorial or personal. She would not hesitate to take what she needs to get what she wants."

"And Will is hungry," Simon said coming from the house with his backpack. "He gets careless. He hasn't fed in a week which will guarantee that he's on the hunt."

"Crap!" Jacob growled; he looked around at Seth whose ears were pinned to his skull. "Go Seth, and take the others with you. I'll be right behind you."

Seth nodded once and disappeared through the trees. Jacob looked down at me again with a pained expression behind his eyes. I hated this, just as much as he did. I would panic every moment we were apart, but I couldn't put his tribe in danger. I couldn't put my extended family in danger. I needed him to keep Anna safe; and if Ara found I was there it would only make the situation worse.

"Nessie," Jacob started, but I cut him off with a kiss, not caring if my family witnessed my desperate passion filled moment. I needed that strength before he left; I needed that memory.

I broke away breathing heavy and with tear filled eyes. "Go now, Jake."

I pushed myself away from him and backed away. His jaw tightened as he realized this is what needed to happen in this one moment, he turned and fled into the forest, leaving behind only the ripping snarl as he changed into his wolf form.

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**A/N: Happy Sunday :) Hope you all had an awesome Valentines Day . . . Poor Nessie, having to send Jacob away, but what else could she do? I mean if I were in that situation I would be torn too . . . You'd want to make sure your family was safe, but you'd also want to be with the man you love . . . but when you are the target and you know that trouble will follow you . . . she did the only thing she could. At least I like to think so :) Lemme know what you think :)**

**The song for this chapter is DEFORMOGRAPHY by MARILYN MANSON . . . you can hear it on the media player on my website, there's a link in my profile :) . . . I also made a video; there's a link on my profile for that too :)**

**Thanks to Vicki and Goldentemptress for being awesome friends . . . **

**Thank you for the faves and alerts . . . and THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO COMPLETELY MAKE MY DAY, YOU GUYS ARE FANTASTIC AND I WOULDN'T STILL BE HERE WITHOUT YOU GUYS . . . SO COLLECTIVE HUGS :) . . . LOVE YOU GUYS, YOU ROCK!!!!!**

**TILL TUESDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	34. Chapter 33: One Night is Not Enough

_**All things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

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**_**Chapter 33: One Night is Not Enough**

I could feel my heart squeezing, tightening in my chest as the sound of Jacob's paws hitting the ground faded. I wanted to collapse, to break down; but I knew I had to be strong. I could see the looks of pride and pity in my family's faces. They were proud of me for doing the right thing. For pushing Jacob to do his duty; but they were pitying me for my loss, my loneliness. They pitied the pain it caused me.

I didn't want their pity and I didn't need their pride. I did what I had to do and I knew I would suffer for it. My suffering was better than Jacob's. He would never have made the right decision if I'd left it up to him. He'd have insisted staying with me. If anything had happened to Anna or my friends in La Push; I could never have lived with myself. I did what was right, I did what was needed, and I tried to swallow the pain that came along with it.

"I'm going inside." I declared, turning and as I wrapped my arms around myself.

"Ness,"

"I'm fine," I snapped not looking back, I wanted to be alone.

I felt a little better knowing I had secured Anna's safety. I never wanted to put her in danger to begin with, and Ara knowing how much she meant to me had done just that. At least she was well protected in La Push, nothing would cross their boundaries undetected. No vampire or hybrid would survive crossing those lines.

I felt as though I was forgetting something; something that would throw everything off balance; but my mind was so focused on Jacob. I could think of nothing else. The pain in his eyes had been terrible; and I was expending most of my energy on figuring out a way to even things out. To stop this from being so hard.

I could travel to La Push during the day to see him; he wouldn't feel a need to stray from his duties then. He would feel a little more balanced and I would be safe in his company. I just didn't know if it would be safe traveling alone; or if my parents would _let_ me travel alone. If I was being honest with myself, it didn't matter what capacity I saw him in, as long as I saw him. I hoped my parents could understand that.

I got to my room and fell on my bed; immediately feeling the void left by Jacob's warm, oversized body. I had grown so accustomed to him sharing my bed with me; this was going to make the short term separation all the harder to deal with. I looked at the clock and sighed heavily; it was only eight-thirty, too early to go to sleep. I pulled my iPod out of the dresser and pushed the buds into my ears; hoping it would afford me some distraction.

After ten minutes of shuffling through tracks I pulled out the ear buds in frustration. Every song reminded me of Jacob, it was ridiculous. It wasn't as though we'd had an argument and separated in anger; in reality it wasn't even a separation. Jacob was simply doing what he was born to do; but I couldn't shift the feeling of dread that was drowning me. It was like missing a part of myself, removing a limb or some other appendage. I felt unstable.

I could hear subtle movement around the house and listened to the sounds of my family as they moved around. Some of the movement grew steadily louder, I knew someone was heading towards my door. The tap confirmed the arrival. I knew who it was, just as I always did. I called out before there was even a knock.

"Come in, mom,"

The door opened slowly and I could see the concern on my mom's face. She was worried about my reaction; I couldn't blame her, I wasn't exactly welcoming. I tried to force a smile to appease her, but I could tell it came more as a grimace.

"Esme made some food, I was wondering if you were hungry?"

"A little," I sighed, my mind still somewhere else.

"You want to talk about it?"

I thought about it for a second before I realized that my mom was the one person in the world that would understand what I was going through. She had been in this position a couple of times. She also loved Jacob, he was her best friend and had been long before I had been conceived.

"I feel hopeless. I don't know why I'm acting like this. As irrational as I know it is; I can't shift the feeling something terrible is going to happen. I've been away from Jake for longer than twenty minutes before, but there's a nagging in the back of my head, and I can't get to it. It's so frustrating."

"It's not irrational under the circumstances, sweetheart. You love Jacob, of course you're going to worry about him. I would be more surprised if you didn't. I know how hard this is for you, but you're stronger than I ever was, and I know you'll be fine. As for the nagging; try not to think about it and it will come to you eventually."

"I guess, I was thinking . . ." I said eyeing her cautiously.

"About?"

"Well, maybe I could go and see Jacob during the days. I know it's a long drive, but I really think it make this easier on both of us. I don't want him getting into trouble because of distance. I just know he's over there freaking out already."

"I'm not sure it's the greatest idea Ness, I know you miss him already, but we'll talk about it with your dad after you've eaten. Maybe we could arrange _something_."

I nodded and stood up slowly, hugging my mom tightly. "Thank you for being so understanding."

My mom smiled and led me from my room. I had to keep myself strong, and in order to do that I had to eat. I would make my argument when the time came, for now I had to keep my parents on my side. Getting into another disagreement with them would only build tensions and make matters worse.

The house was eerily quiet as we made our way through it. It appeared that everyone was as surprised about this outcome as I had been. Orion and Nahuel sat quietly and I could see that they were taking the blame for this on their own shoulders. Nothing I would say could change that, after all, I had been a slave to my guilt for most of my short life. I was well aware that nothing said would help the situation, and nothing took away the perception that it was, somehow, your fault.

Ara was their sister; but they held no influence over her decisions. I wanted to reassure them, and I did numerous times during the meal, even though I did know it would be pointless. Orion's weak smile told me what I already knew. This made me feel even more helpless.

"Ness," My mom's voice pulled me from my circular thoughts and I smiled at her gently. I picked up my plate and headed towards the sink where Esme was still fluttering around. I knew she felt just as useless as the rest of us and she was using this as a distraction, so I didn't complain when she pulled my plate from my hand.

I followed my mom from the kitchen squeezing Orion's shoulder gently as I passed. I understood what she was going through. I may not have any siblings, but guilt had been a companion enough to know the burden it weight upon you.

My mom took me to Carlisle's study where he and my dad waited for us. I didn't want this to become a debate; nor did I want to press my parents but I knew that my dad consulted Carlisle on everything.

"Take a seat, Ness." Carlisle said, motioning towards the hideous machine that had been set up in his office.

"I'm fine, really."

"I just want to make sure it healed correctly. It won't take long."

I sighed audibly, but I obliged to keep the peace, I crawled slowly onto the table they had arranged under the machine. I waited as the got the settings right and cringed when the machine started up. The clanging of the machinery would have given me a headache if I'd of been cable of getting one. The whirling clatter was obnoxious to my sensitive ears, but I knew the more complacent I was, the quicker it would be over. In some odd way it reminded me of the years they used to measure me fours times a day.

The prognosis, I'd healed perfectly; as though there was never a break to begin with. I could have said I told you so, but I really wasn't in the mood for playful banter. I could see the frown forming on my dad's perfect features as he listened to my thoughts. I was sure I wasn't helping my case.

"Nessie, your mom told me your request. As bad an idea as I think this is; your mom seems to believe that it's the best thing for you. Your mom and I haven't seen Charlie in a while, so we figured we could drop you off at Jacob's and head up to Fork's." I could hear the reluctance in his voice, and his eyes darted directly to my mom. I dropped it, I refused to even think about it.

"Really?" I asked, almost afraid to let the excitement flood my system.

"Yes, as long as you don't mind us driving you there. It's the safest route we could think of. Everyone here will be safe, and you'll be safe with us."

"Thank you so much." I swung my arms around both of them and pulled them into an embrace. It was quite strange, and an almost amusing turn of events, at any other time I would have protested their company. I would have insisted that someone else accompany me; anyone but my parents, but in this case, I knew that they were nervous about me being away from them and they could have easily turned down my request altogether. I wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth and this certainly made tomorrows outlook a lot brighter.

"I'm going to bed. Thank you again." I kissed them both on the cheek and danced to my room; ready to call Jacob and tell him the good news. I just hoped he would have time to spend with me.

Even if he didn't I could spend the afternoon with Anna. I hadn't seen her in more than a week, and it was the longest I had gone without seeing her since we'd become friends. I picked up my cell phone and saw a missed call from Jacob's cell. I called back the number as quickly as I could and waited, knowing he would have panicked when I hadn't answered.

"Ness," I could hear the relief in his voice.

"Jake,"

"Are you alright?"

"Fine, you?"

"I'm okay, I just miss you."

I smiled at his words, "I miss you too; but I have some good news."

"Hit me with it, I need something to think about right now." He sounded a little strained, it seemed this was just as hard for him as it was for me.

"My parents are bringing me over to Forks tomorrow so we can spend some time together. They'll spend the afternoon with Charlie and I'll spend it with you. The didn't think it was safe for me to drive over there alone."

"I would agree with them on that. I don't want you alone anywhere right now." Jacob chuckled into the phone. "Aren't we pathetic; it's barely been two hours."

"I know," I laughed, "but I can't stand the big empty bed; I'm so used to you being here now."

I ran my hand over the spot where he laid every night.

"I understand honey. I can't wait to see you tomorrow; thank your parents for me."

"I will," I laughed gently, falling back onto the bed.

I didn't know exactly what Jacob was supposed to be doing, but we spoke for hours. I couldn't get enough of his voice and it seemed as though he felt exactly the same way. I dreaded sleeping alone in this big bed and I found it easy to curse Ara for my current predicament.

It was the first time since I had found out about her scheming that I had blamed her. It was almost like denial. Her gift had given her the upper hand in all of this, she was able to attune herself with me completely, which meant she was able to reflect my emotions. Effectively becoming what I needed her to be. I felt so stupid for not seeing that sooner, but I never had a reason to doubt her sincerity.

When I hung up the phone I lingered on that thought. She had been using me all along, biding her time so she could get Matthew and I together. It was sick really, when I thought about it laterally. _La tua cantante_ had been the one thing she'd never experienced in her life and she wanted to use me to get to it. As soon as she'd discovered what Orion's dream had meant she'd plotted my demise. She'd made friends with me under false pretenses and lured me in with a false sense of security. She'd empathized with me, all to get me alone so she could experience the exotic satisfaction of a singers blood.

She didn't care that it went against everything I stood for; that I tortured myself so completely because I had believed I had killed him. Ara was possibly the most selfish being I had ever encountered. I couldn't believe I had fallen for her ruse.

I fell asleep with this on my mind and regretted it immediately. My subconscious littered my dreams with scenarios; I woke up screaming, something I hadn't done since my dreams about Jacob. My eyes roamed around the room with the last remnants of my dream. As soon as the grogginess of sleep wore off, I realized there was someone in the room with me.

I let my eyes focus and rid themselves of the last of the sleep, I sighed gently as I recognized the body beside me. My mom was laying on the other side of the bed watching me. Her golden eyes wide with sympathy and worry. Seeing her concerned eyes glowing in the dark; I let go of my composure. I broke into a sob and buried my head in her shoulder, I didn't know how long she'd been there but I was sure I must have been screaming and calling out in my sleep for her to attempt to soothe me.

"It was just a nightmare sweetheart." She cooed gently into my hair, smoothing it down with her hand.

I sniffled once and lifted my head so I could see her. "How long have you been in here?"

"Most of the night, you've been screaming on and off. I hate that this is effecting you so much." she sighed gently.

I pulled away from her to look out of the window, there was a familiar gray growing on the horizon, and I knew it must be early in the morning.

"What time is it?"

"Almost six in the morning."

I fell back into my pillows and tried to catch my breath. I was still breathing heavily from nightmare and the sobs that followed. It was still too early to leave and I really didn't want to hurt my mom's feelings by suggesting I no longer needed her to comfort me. I had so little time as a child, I knew she needed to be my mom for a while longer, and I would never take that away from her.

She brushed my hair from my face and kissed my forehead gently. "Try and get a little bit more sleep, you were so restless. I doubt your feeling very refreshed."

I nodded in agreement, refreshed was the last thing I was feeling. I felt exhausted, and beaten. "Thanks mom,"

"Your welcome sweetheart. See you in a couple of hours."

I nodded my assent and rolled over onto my side, I felt the shift as she rose from the bed. I closed my eyes as the door clicked closed. I hated this; I hated being so afraid of someone I had considered a friend. I abhorred the fact that I was once again trapped in my own hose because of something I really couldn't control.

I was beginning to long for the boring walls of Darrington High School; the mundane classes where I sat daydreaming about nothing in particular. Looking forward to the end of the day when I knew Jacob would be there waiting for me.

Everything that was wrong with my life right now revolved around Matthew. Yet, I couldn't blame him, he couldn't change the way his blood smelled, anymore than I could change my irrational craving for it.

I sat up in my bed and ran my hands through my hair; there was no chance I was ever going to get back to sleep, my mind was working overtime again and there was no switching it off, no matter how much I wanted to. The more awake I became the more the nagging restarted. Was there something I was forgetting?

I decided to take a shower and hoped it would distract me for a little while. It didn't work; I stood under the hot water as my mind circled around itself, trying to find the one thing that was creating the creepy feeling. It was hopeless; utterly and undeniably hopeless. I was to preoccupied to give it as much effort as I should.

I dressed slowly deciding on something comfortable rather than fashionable; and headed downstairs where I could already smell breakfast cooking. I had only wasted an hour and a half showering and getting myself ready. The clock seemed to be going backwards rather than forward.

"Morning, Ness. I made you waffles with fresh fruit and that cream you like from the can." Esme said proudly ushering me to a chair and placing the plate in front of me.

"Thanks Nana." I smiled picking up the fork and cutting off a mouthful. I was sure she could be a five star chef by now. I was eating slowly, hoping my parents would join me soon so we could leave.

I was growing more anxious by the second and I hated counting minutes like this; but it was all I could think about. I needed to get to Jacob. He would calm me down and help me feel at least half way normal again.

"Your mom's calling Charlie now." my dad sighed as he walked into the kitchen. "Patience is a virtue, Renesmee."

I grinned at him playfully. I knew this must be aggravating to him in some capacity.

"Okay, he said we can head over there whenever we like, I told you he'd be up." My mom said winking at me.

"Nessie, call Jacob and make sure he's awake. Tell him we'll call him before we reach the border so he can pick you up." My dad sighed in resignation.

I nodded and pulled my phone from my pocket. It rang endlessly with no answer and I could feel my heart sinking. Was he on patrol?

"This is Jacob, leave a message." his voice rang out from the other end of the line.

I hung up the phone and tried again.

"Morning, Nessie." I laughed lightly into the phone, as the voice surprised me.

"Morning Anna, what are you doing with Jake's phone?"

Anna yawned into the receiver; "He and Seth were out late patrolling with Leah. Seth wanted me to stay here so Billy and Rachel could keep an eye out. Jacob's crashed in his room and Seth's on the couch. How are you doing?"

"I'm alright; I just want all of this to be over. Sorry you were dragged into this."

"Are you kidding me? I know this is hell for you Ness, but I am having a blast in La Push. Leah's actually being nice to me, Seth and I spend most nights alone. The only thing missing is my best friend."

"Ah, glad my living hell benefits someone." I laughed, dripping sarcasm.

"Shut up Ness, you know what I'm saying."

I giggled gently. "Of course I do; could you do me a favor Anna?"

"Of course,"

"Could you wake Jake up and tell him we're on our way and that we'll call him when we get close to the border so he can come and get me?"

She hummed gently on the other end of the line, before laughing playfully. "I think I can handle that."

"Thanks, Anna; I'll see you soon." I laughed rolling my eyes at my friends dramatics.

"Bye Ness, be careful."

"Will do, you too."

"I'm surrounded by wolves!" She giggled again.

"Good point! Talk to you later."

"Bye."

I snapped my phone shut and smiled at my parents. They knew I was anxious to see Jacob, my dad more than anyone; he had the insight into my mind. He could hear the excitement as I waited for them to make a move. I know my incessant internal monologue was one dimensional, but I really couldn't have stopped it. Even if I had tried.

"Good enough; let's go." my dad laughed, heading towards the door. He kissed Esme on the cheek as he headed outside. "We'll be back later."

I picked up my plate and took it to the sink where I rinsed it and put it in the open dishwasher. I kissed Esme's other cheek and grinned at her. "Thanks for breakfast, it was fantastic." I winked and bounded out the door after my dad. I was too impatient to wait for my mom.

Not even the heavy fog distracted me from my goal now; I slid into the back seat and bounced my leg impatiently waiting for my mom. I felt like I was five again; not that I had experienced that for an entire year, but I remember the constant excitement that hit me every time something I approved of happened. It was annoying not having control of my reactions then; but now, this was all me.

We got to Forks quickly, my dad was driving, so I knew it wouldn't take us long. When he'd decided to take the ferry I almost started pouting; I knew that there was often a wait in the morning due to commuters heading towards work in the big city; but thankfully there was no line. It was too early and most of the commuters would be coming the other way; heading into the city.

I stood on the top deck of boat looking out onto Puget Sound; it was beautiful this time of the morning; even with the fog hanging over the water. I could really spend time appreciating it as the ferry glided gently over the water. I didn't like having this much time to think because my mind would often take me into the similar pattern of this morning. The circles; even all of this beauty couldn't bring me to that one point.

I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Jacob's number as soon as we hit the welcome to Forks sign. He answered first ring and promised to be at the old treaty line waiting for me. He was too, My dad pulled over to the shoulder and parked the car. I leaned over the seats and kissed them both on the cheek before throwing the door open.

"Nessie, if you have any problems; call us." My dad said gently, nodding at me. I nodded back eagerly and closed the door running towards Jacob at the most human pace I could manage.

"I feel like I'm suffering Deja Vue." My dad chuckled lightly and I heard my mom slap him gently on the arm.

I leapt into Jacob's waiting arms and littered his face with kisses. My dad honked the horn on the Volvo and sat watching us with a warning look in his eye. There was a hesitance there now, and I didn't need a good imagination to know why. He sat there for another minute or so before my mom's anger encouraged him to start moving. He gave us one last look as the car turned, and then honked one last time before disappearing again. Jacob chuckled lightly, and buried his head into my hair.

"You have no idea how much I missed you! I can't believe it's only been eighteen or so hours."

"Really, is that all it's been?" It had felt like week or longer. Time seemed to slow down considerably without Jacob by my side.

Jacob barked out a laugh and crushed his lips against mine, pulling me further up so our faces were level. My arm tightened around his neck and my legs locked around his waist. I could feel him leaning against the car for support. It felt like the weight had been lifted from me as our lips move perfectly together.

The soft warmth created the slight ache that my need for him always created. I could never get enough of him. When it came to Jacob, I was insatiable. As the kiss deepened, I rocked myself against him until I was slightly taller. His head fell back as I deepened the kiss as much as I could. I could feel his lips forming a smile beneath mine.

"If this is how you're going to react, maybe we should spend eighteen hours apart more often."

"Screw that," I panted sliding down his body until my feet touched the floor. He grunted when I rubbed against him closely.

"So, we gonna stand out here all day?" I said sarcastically, winking at him. Jacob rolled his eyes and pulled the passenger side door open for me. A grin spread widely across his face.

Being away from my dad, I let myself think about why he had been so reluctant to drop me off here, why he'd been so hesitant about driving away. The sexual chemistry between Jacob and I was easy to see, and it didn't take a genius to see what would happen the second we had time alone. The thought of my dad, knowing something would happen made me squirm.

I tried to erase that thought as Jacob drove back to his house. The comfortable red house was silent when we arrived. No one was home. Not even Anna and Seth were here anymore. Jacob climbed out of his car and I followed. I hoped it was supposed to be this quiet.

"Where is everyone Jake?" I asked trying to suppress the grin that threatened to take over.

"Seth and Anna are over at Leah's. Leah's been in a really good mood; it's kinda freaking everyone out. I think Anna's trying to make the best of it. My dad has a lunch date; but I'm not telling you who with because you'll get all presumptuous; and I have no idea where Rachel and Paul are."

"Presumptuous, me?" I asked innocently, fluttering my eyelashes.

Jacob laughed and pushed open the door to the house. He fell onto the couch and patted the seat beside him. I went one better and fell into his lap. He grinned and kissed my neck gently. "I really did miss you," his hot breath danced over my neck.

"I missed you too," I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder. It was hard to describe the level of comfort I felt with him. It was just so natural.

"Tell me who Billy's date is." I purred gently.

"Nope."

"Jake, come on. You know I won't say anything."

"No,"

"You know you want to tell me; otherwise you would of just said he was out."

Jacob rolled his eyes again and pulled me tighter into his chest. "No jokes."

"Who me?" I asked innocently.

Jacob raised his eyebrows.

"Fine." I sighed grinning.

"Mrs Call."

"Embry's mom . . . oh!" _Don't make assumptions, don't makes assumptions, don't make assumptions._ I chanted the words in my head, so I would block the inevitable thought that would have followed that statement.

"Ness,"

"What? I didn't say anything."

It didn't mean I wasn't thinking it, even after my mantra is was hard _not_ to think about it. Now it was out there, I couldn't stop the idol gossip filling my mind. It had been going on for eleven years after all. I'd only heard about it when Leah was in one of her more spiteful moods. Embry had been pushing her buttons and she turned around and snapped something about him being unwanted, even by his own father.

I'd asked Jacob what she was talking about and he'd tried everything to avoid answering me. In the end, he relented. Embry's paternal lineage had been in question. His mother had moved to La Push from another reservation. that wasn't particularly a big deal, but when he phased, they knew someone on the Quileute reservation had fathered him. The main candidates had been Sam's father, Quil's father and Billy. All of them were married at the time.

"Is he . . .?"

"I haven't asked." Jacob's brow furrowed deeply, and he sighed heavily. "It's why Rachel left so early this morning. She was upset and Billy wouldn't answer any of her questions."

I ran my hand down the side of his face, knowing how much this was hurting him. His mother had been alive when all of this happened. I leaned in and touched my lips to his gently; before resting my forehead against his.

"And how do you feel about all of this?"

"I just want to forget about it. I didn't want to get into this because you're not going to be here for long, Ness. I don't want to throw a pity party today. I'll deal with it when I have to. For now, Billy hasn't said anything, so I'm trying not to make assumptions."

"It's probably best."

"Thanks, honey."

I fell into his again and gently pressed my lips against his, I could feel his lips smiling around mine again, but I was determined not to let him break this kiss. I pushed my lips against his and ran my tongue slowly against his bottom lip. His smile faded a little as his hands cupped around my neck holding me to him.

I let my tongue slide deep into his mouth as I repositioned myself on his lap. I was straddling him now and I could feel the effect I had on him. Was this normal? Anytime we were alone we fell into this lustful pattern, our kisses always leading to something more, leading to me wanting him even more. I needed him; I wanted him, and the fact that we were alone seemed to fuel my desire for him.

Jacob broke away from me and kissed up my jaw, gently taking my earlobe between his lips. "I want you, Nessie."

The words, thick with passion and filled with love excited me. I wanted him too, and lets face it, we both needed a distraction. I took his hand and pulled him from the couch, his eyes ignited as he stared down into mine.

In one quick and lust filled second; he scooped me into his arms and headed towards his bedroom.

* * *

**A/N: I know, it's Wednesday . . . A day late, I'm sorry :), I have a deadline at work at the moment as well as a million other things going on, but hey, on the upside . . . the lemon will be up later on the side story, so keep an eye out for that ;)**

**I really didn't intend for Nessie to be so self deprecating . . . but in her defense she's going through a lot, at least Jacob cheers her up lmao!!**

**The song for this chapter, is ONE NIGHT IS NOT ENOUGH by SNOW PATROL, it's available to listen to on the media player on my website. There is a link on my profile :)**

**Thank you to Vicki for reading everything I throw at her, she rocks!! And thanks to goldentemptress for being an amazing co-author. Socks for Sex is up and running on her profile. There's a link to that in my profile as well :)**

**Thank you for the alerts and faves . . . AND THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWS WHO STILL AMAZE ME WITH THEIR KIND WORDS AND AWESOMENESS . . . I LOVE YOU GUYS, YOU ROCK!!!**

**TILL TOMORROW - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -**


	35. Chapter 34: Move Away

_**All Things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**

* * *

**_**Chapter 34: ****Move Away**

I woke up in Jacob's arms; neither of us was wearing much, in fact, it was less than that; and we only had a sheet covering us. I was cradled in his arms and his even breaths fanned out across my face. He looked so serene and peaceful as he slept, and for a moment I was envious. Was I that peaceful in sleep? I relaxed back into Jacob's arms and closed my eyes.

I didn't know how long I had been asleep but my current state of fatigue told me it hadn't been long enough. I wasn't sure what had woken me up but remnants of my dream swirled behind my eyes. Someone had been calling my name.

I let my eyes open again slowly when I realized that once again slumber had escaped me because of my constantly working brain. With everything that was going on it was getting harder to shut it down or tune it out. After I was lucky enough to fall asleep, if I happened to wake long enough to think of anything, it would disturb me. It was frustrating as all hell, and it made me irritable.

I didn't move though, I was comfortable in Jacob's arms. With the silence and my distraction heavily asleep next to me, my mind refocused on my situation. I hated that my mind continually traveled that avenue but it was the most prevalent thing in my life at the moment. I was almost tempted to wake Jacob and lose myself in him again; I didn't though. I knew he was probably sleeping less than I was, and if having me here gave him the opportunity to catch up on sleep, even a little bit; it would appease my concern.

I lay in his dimly lit room; when I looked around, there was hardly any evidence that this room belonged to him at all. There was nothing in this room that screamed, '_that's so Jacob_', it's bare walls held nothing that reflected the man I loved. The only indication that he was here was the multitude of sweats and cut offs littered across the floor, and a picture of the two of us leaning against the alarm clock.

I reached out and picked up the picture, letting my fingers brush across the handsome face that smiled from the photograph. He was sat on the porch steps of the house in Darrington and I was sat between his legs, leaning back into his chest looking blissfully happy. I remember the day it was taken, it was only a week after I had confessed how I'd really felt about him.

I placed it back where I found it and sighed gently. Jacob needed a place to feel like he belonged. He spent more time with me in Darrington than he did here and I didn't think that was fair. I decided that I would do something special for him for his birthday. It was only a couple of months away. I would have to ask Alice for her help, and Esme. I would also have to speak to Sam and make sure he knew what was going on. I would have to speak to Seth too; there was a chance he could give away too much in his mind, but I trusted he would keep this secret.

The excitement boiled inside of me as I formulated the plan in my head. I knew my parents wouldn't mind; the whole family loved Jacob. I was sure they'd all want to help, even Rosalie. I made up my mind to talk to my parents on the ride home, my mom was sure to agree and I was sure my dad would welcome the idea as well.

"_Nessie,_"

I froze, my heart pounded in my chest like a herd of wild horse were stomping around. It was loud in my ears, especially in the silent room. My head swirled to look at Jacob but he was sleeping just as peacefully as he had been. Anyway, I would recognize his voice easily.

The voice in my head _was_ familiar though, and I as soon as it clicked I berated myself for not figuring it out sooner.

"_Can you hear me?_" He sang sarcastically, there was genuine curiosity there, but also a humor that suggested he knew I could.

I thought about not answering, about ignoring his intrusion in my mind; but I wasn't sure if that was how it worked. I was also agitated and scared. I didn't want to listen to his taunting call in my head. Maybe if I just answered him he'd leave me alone.

'_Yes, Will, but I don't appreciate the interruption. What do you want?_' I thought at him, annoyed that he had interrupted my planning.

"_Ara wants to see you,_"

My heart pounded again, and my breathing rattled from my lungs with a shake of fear. Why would she try and contact me now? I knew she didn't want to apologize. Iniquitous liars didn't tend to apologize to their intended targets for their premeditated plans of moral demise. For all I cared she could keep wanting. I had no desire to see her yet; her betrayal was still an open wound for me.

'_And why's that?_' There was an edge to my thoughts and I hoped that it wasn't filtered out in the process.

"_Come now Nessie; did you honestly think she would let you get away after she'd put so much work into her scheme. She won't rest until you give her what she wants."_

_'It's not going to happen Will, why don't you scurry along and relay the message. I'm not going to change who I am just to please her sick curiosity.'_ I snapped hoping my mind didn't show how nervous I really was. If I'd been able to block him out I would have. I shouldn't have answered him. He'd have thought he was out of range or something.

"_Your as pathetic as she said you were, Renesmee. To be quite honest I don't think you have a choice."_

_'Oh, and why's that?'_

_"Because he'll die anyway."_ He snapped, his mental voice full of satisfaction.

My heart slowed in my chest and my breathing stopped completely. My head turned to Jacob for a second but I realized he wasn't the one Will was referring to. The nagging that had been in the back of my mind exploded into the forefront. _**Matthew!**_ The one person in my family's plan that hadn't been protected, the one person not strong enough to defend himself against Will or Ara, the person that carried Ara's object of desire. If I ignored this, would she kill him anyway, just to spite me?

My stomach churned and lurched, I tried to keep still so I wouldn't wake Jacob. With my free hand I covered my mouth and released a quiet cry of horror. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have overlooked this?

_"I'm guessing your silence means you've figured it out. Ara says if you want him, you'll have to figure out where to find them. I'm sure you realize she wants you to come alone; that if your family is with you, she'll snap his neck."_

_'Where, I don't understand. How could I possibly find her?'_

_"She's says you'll figure it out, Goodbye Nessie."_

_'No, wait,'_

It was useless, only silence filled my head now and it was my own again. I slid out from under Jacob's arms and tiptoed to the end of the bed, pulling on my clothes. I didn't know why my decision was so immediate, why I was so certain of what I had to do; my body just seemed to move without thought.

I once again found myself glad that my decisions were fuzzy to Alice, because she would be certain to call my parents, right before calling me to stall me. She would see the outcome of my decision, but that was it.

Jacob would hate me for doing this to him, for leaving him behind. He would hate me for leading myself into danger for a kid that had caused so much trouble in my short life; but I couldn't live with that on my conscience. I would always know it was my fault.

I sat on the edge of the bed and watched Jacob sleep as I stumbled through my mind trying to find out where she would be. I knew it would be secluded; Ara wasn't stupid enough to be somewhere humans would see what she was doing. Would Orion know? She knew her sister well enough to . . .

My thoughts stopped, Orion, of course. Her dream had been about this moment, she thought her sister had been in danger, but I was beginning to see where we were wrong. She _was_ the danger. I also knew where she would be. The water, the trees, she was at the beach on the lake.

My heart pounded in my chest as the realization hit me. It was so obvious; it was always about Ara's betrayal. I stood up and slid out of the door; I walked slowly into the kitchen and rifled through the drawer by the phone, knowing there was paper and a pen there. I pulled it out and started writing.

_**Jake,  
I'm sorry I had to do this, but Ara has Matthew and I can't have his death on my conscience. She'll kill him if I bring anyone with me. I'm sorry I'm putting you through this again; I hope you understand.****  
I love you so much, but I have to try. I've taken your car. Sorry.****I know this note is cryptic but she'll know the moment I arrive if I lie to her or betray her in any way. I've never been a good liar, but you already knew that.****  
Orion's dream was wrong, Jake; Ara was never in danger, she was the danger. Think about the dream and you'll find us. It's all I can give you, please call my parents and let them know what's going on.****I love you, I'm sorry,  
Ness.**_

I didn't realize I was crying until a tear dropped on the paper I was scribbling the note on. I hoped that he would decipher it in time to help me. What I had said was right, my emotions would betray me if I told him where to find me. This way, I gave them the clues they needed to find me without betraying Ara. I could answer her questions knowing they were the truth.

I wasn't stupid enough to run straight to them on the basis that she would have Matthew. I didn't trust her enough to do that. I laid the note on the pillow next to Jacob and kissed him as lightly as I could without disturbing him. I hated this, especially knowing there was a chance neither Matthew nor I would survive.

Will was strong, he was a full-blooded vampire and it wouldn't take much to rip me apart and burn the pieces. The thought made me shudder but I had to keep my composure. I didn't want to face them weak. I needed to be strong, and I needed to make sure I wasn't a threat to Matthew. I didn't have time to hunt so I would have to grab something from Jacob's kitchen and hope it was enough.

I slid from his bedroom once more and picked up the keys from the counter Jacob always dropped them on. I made my way to the fridge and pulled it open, it was practically empty, and so I pulled open some cabinets. There was a shelf labeled Paul and I couldn't help but laugh. Billy had finally got him to bring his own food. I pulled out a large bag of Dortitos and mentally made a note to replace them if I ever got out of this.

I pulled open the door slowly trying to avoid the squeak I knew was coming. I pulled the door towards the hinges knowing it would stop the sound from filling the house. I couldn't wake Jacob up, he _would_ stop me, and selfishly, I almost wished he would.

I stepped out into the dimming mid morning light, a storm was brewing. I could hear the waves crashing against the cliffs and smell the salt water as it filled the air. The silence that followed the crashes confirmed just how bad the storm would be. I looked around the reservation, as the human scents mingled with the salty air.

Life was going on as it always did and I found I was jealous. I envied these people their simple life; they were protected without knowing the circumstance surrounding that luxury. Whether they chose not to acknowledge it or were simply ignorant to what was going on around them, I envied that blissful carefree lifestyle.

I was glad Jacob hadn't parked in the garage as I made my way to the car. My eyes kept vigilant looking around me, knowing there was a chance I could get caught. I hoped that the wolves running patrol would let me get a head start before alerting Jacob to my disappearance.

I slid into the car and started the engine; waiting as the engine caught and turned over; I turned off my cell phone knowing they would attempt to call me. I breathed a sigh of relief as the engine turned over, and I threw it into reverse. I turned the wheel and pulled away from the red house, Watching as it grew smaller in the rearview mirror; a small part of me hoped I would see Jacob appearing through the door. He was always saving me, and I had to trust that this time, he would come through again.

I pushed the gas as soon as the house disappeared around a corner; it propelled forwards, the green trees flew past me as I drove straight toward Seattle. I didn't have the patience for the ferry and I didn't have the time either. I was sure there would be a well-developed line in the small port by now and I couldn't risk anyone catching up with me yet.

I had to beat them there; I had to make sure I was even ahead of my family in Darrington. I stomped on the gas again hoping the needle would drive further into the right of the dial. I needed time to be on my side today. I knew my parents were in Forks and I knew I had to avoid it so I took the back roads out of La Push, and hit the 101 south of Forks.

I hoped Alice wouldn't see the outcome to my decision. If she did I was sure it was so jumbled she wouldn't make sense of it. I knew she'd been blind to me while I was with Jacob, and I was sure she was wondering why she could see my fuzziness now; when my parents hadn't made the decision to come and get me. She would be suspicious, but I hoped she would assume that the beach she was seeing was in La Push and the break in vision was because I was with Anna. I tried to make that decision, but it was useless, I was on my path. Was my future set in stone?

Being alone with my thoughts, I started to hope that Orion hadn't had a more definitive dream, if she had figured out what I had, she would surely hurry to stop her sister before I could get there. She would alert my family and they would, without realizing it, kill Matthew. Every avenue my mind traveled down didn't give me much hope anyway, but I couldn't cling to the negative, I had to let some light through to balance me out.

I was lucky as I passed through Seattle; there wasn't much traffic as I flew past the large buildings. There didn't seem to be any police either. I wound around the cars that were scattered along the freeway. I laughed as I realized I didn't even know what day it was. Where would Matthew be? Would anyone miss him?

I took the exit that would lead me straight to Darrington and cursed the road works that had the traffic at a stand still. Had this been here this morning? I waited patiently as a man with a bright yellow vest waved traffic through the obstruction. This one lane highway wasn't doing me any favors. I knew I could weave through the cars ahead of me once I was past the traffic that lined the other side waiting for their chance to get through.

"Come on, come on," I mumbled gripping onto the steering wheel and shaking it violently. I was normally a patient person but these were extenuating circumstances and I didn't have time to be held up in this moment.

I saw my chance at and took it at the first opportunity I had. There weren't many flat out straights along this road and I needed to take it while the other side was clear. There was a small space three cars up and I was sure I could make it before we hit the next curve.

I stomped on the gas again and swerved out around the car ahead of me. I gained speed as I moved up the line, but before I was where I needed to be, a car came barreling around the corner that I was rapidly approaching. I swallowed the profanity I wanted to scream and pushed the pedal all the way to the ground, hoping it would be enough.

The car careening towards me was flashing its lights, and I could hear the horn blaring as they let off the gas. I pulled on the wheel and coasted into the spot I had been aiming for; the horn of the other car passed me in a distorted blur of sound as my heart hammered into my throat. That had been too close for comfort, but I needed the advantage.

The bumper of the rabbit was almost touching the car ahead of me as I impatiently waited for another opportunity. In an attempt to dissuade me from my behavior they constantly stomped on their brakes, and gave me the finger. I eased off knowing it wasn't helping the situation.

My fingers were angrily tapping the steering wheel as I waited for a ray of hope to open in front of me. The shoulder of the road opened up the further we traveled and I took my chance. I flew down the side of the traffic and hoped I could get in front of most of the traffic before it ended again.

Horns blared as I passed dangerously close to the cars on the road; but I managed to get ahead and left them behind me as I took the road I needed to take me directly into Darrington. I remembered the house my mother had taken me too the morning she showed me Matthew was alive. I slid to a stop and climbed out quickly making my way to the door at the front.

I tapped on the door and bounced on the spot waiting for anyone to answer. A woman answered, she was gentle looking but her clothes were immaculate and there wasn't a hair out of place on her head. A string of pearls sat comfortably against her neck. Her black slacks and baby blue sweater were a perfect contrast to her fair skin. Alice would appreciate her fashion sense. She smiled warmly at me as she opened the door.

"Hello,"

"Eh, hi," Great planning ahead Renesmee! I had no idea what to say to this woman. "Um, is Matthew home?"

The woman frowned delicately as she appraised me with her eyes. She narrowed them briefly before they lit up with surprise. "Are you Runuzmay?"

I nodded not bothering to correct her pronunciation. She tipped her head pleasantly and smiled again. I wanted to shake her and scream at her, to tell her that this was her son's life she was holding in her procrastinating hands.

"He should be at school."

"Oh, ok thanks."

"Wasn't he there?"

"Um, I haven't been in school for a few weeks; there was, um, an, uh, family emergency."

"Oh, well he should be there. Is everything alright?"

"I just needed to talk to him."

"Okay,"

"Bye," I smiled and ran towards the rabbit again cursing my stupidity.

Mrs. Derby stood at the door with a bemused smile on her face. I pulled open the door of the car and slid in, I'd left it idling so I didn't need to hope for it to start. I pulled away from the house slowly; hoping it wouldn't alarm the unsuspecting woman stood waving at me pleasantly from the door.

As soon as I turned the corner I hit the gas again hoping to get to the school quickly. I didn't know how long it had been since I left La Push, and I wasn't sure how long it would take Jacob to notice my absence. If Matthew wasn't at school, there was only one place he could be. It would mean Ara was telling the truth.

The school lot was full but quiet when I turned into it. My eyes roamed the lot looking for Matthew's car. I saw it in its usual spot next to Tommy's truck. My breathing became laborious once again as I pulled the Rabbit to a stop outside of the school and pulled the keys out of the ignition as I pushed the door open. The principal wasn't being subtle about his glaring; he'd pulled open a large hole in his blinds so I would see him.

I waved at him once before disappearing into the school; what time is it? I looked up to the wall I knew carried a clock it was almost lunchtime; he should be in Trig. I ran down the corridors to the right class and burst through the door.

Every face in the room looked up at me bewildered, immediately heads leaned into one another as they whispered to each other. I saw Tommy sitting in his usual seat but Matthew was nowhere to be found. I couldn't even smell him.

"Tommy," his name came out strained as I stared at him. He looked flustered before looking around the room again. He looked behind him once and then back at me wide eyed. Did he think there was another Tommy sat behind him? He really was an idiot.

"Uh, yes?" He finally answered.

"Where's Matthew?"

Tommy's eyes narrowed and a smirk formed on his lips. The arrogant little prick, I couldn't believe he was still making crap up in his head. I planned to get back at him if I made it through this. He would suffer for all the years of crap he'd given Anna and I.

"Tommy, focus! Where. Is. Matthew?"

"He left with some hot chick." he said looking at the teacher, I could tell his was cursing himself for giving up his friends whereabouts in front of an authoritative figure.

"When?"

Tommy sighed and relaxed his shoulders. "Before second."

I turned on my heel and ran from the room, but I wasn't lucky enough. I ran straight into the principal, he stumbled back a couple of steps from the force in which I'd hit him. He looked a little dazed, but he easily found composure again. Could this day get any worse?

"Miss Masen,"

"Mr. Palmer," I said sarcastically.

His eyes narrowed as he glared me. "What exactly are you doing on school premises? Your family said you were unwell, and you were going to be home schooled for the rest of the semester."

"Yes sir, I'm feeling much better thank you, I just needed to find someone. It's urgent."

"Then you come to the office young lady, you don't run around the school unannounced."

"I apologize sir, but I should really get going, I'm still quite contagious."

Mr. Palmer backed away from me and nodded. I sighed a breath of relief and took off towards the doors.

So it was true, Ara had Matthew. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. She wanted me to drink from him, the only way she would get that was if I showed up, so either way he would die. What was the point of all of this? How was I, of all people, going to save him?

I climbed into the Rabbit and started it, letting idle on the curb while I tried to gather my thoughts.

'_Will,'_ I said his name calmly and waited for a response.

"_Nessie, have you figured out where to meet us yet?"_

_'I have, but what's the point?'_

_"What do you mean, what's the point? You'll save his life."_

_'How?'_ I asked angrily. _'If I come and drink from him, he's dead; if I don't show up, he's dead. Where is the motivation to come to you? What do I get for doing what you're asking me too?'_

There was silence in my head and from the corner of my eye I saw the principal coming outside. I waved to him briefly before pulling away from the school and heading out to the highway. I was waiting for an answer in my head, before I got one I noticed the direction I was driving in. I sighed and continued on.

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**A/N: It's Thursday :) I'm back on schedule . . . Nessie finally figured out what had been plaguing her this whole time. It was pretty freaking obvious, but she was distracted so I have to let her off. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was quite fun to write because of the desperation. And Tommy is an idiot lmao!!**

**I have updated the playlist to chapter forty, it includes this chapter: MOVE AWAY by THE KILLERS. There's a link on my profile :)**

**Thank you to Vicki, glad you're feeling a bit better chick . . . You are awesome . . . to goldentemptress, who has become an awesome friend, and a fabulous co-writer, thank you . . . and the writers should be paying you for all the PR :)**

**Thank you for the alerts and faves . . . and THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO CONTINUE TO ASTOUND ME . . . AND MRSERIKA THANK YOU FOR THE SUGGESTION :) . . . ALL OF YOU GUYS ARE SERIOUSLY AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU ALL!! YOU ROCK!!!**

**TILL SATURDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	36. Chapter 35: Trunk

_**All Things Twilight belong to the Awesome Stephenie Meyer**_

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**_**Chapter 35:**** Trunk **

Ara must of known I would come regardless of the answer, because she knew I would have to try. I couldn't let someone die simply because there was no other way out. There had to be something I could do to save him, to get us both out of there alive. I heard nothing more from Will and I imagined I wouldn't. They were playing the waiting game. They hadn't given me a deadline. At least I had that to be thankful for.

I took the road towards Lake Shannon with my heart in my throat. My mind traveled back to Jacob and the peacefulness of his sleeping face. It was my only solace in this tumultuous moment, but it didn't last long, it always gave way to the correlating thought . . . I could only imagine the look on his face when he realized what I'd done. My heart ached painfully in my chest as I tried to block the image.

Jacob didn't deserve this; he didn't deserve to suffer the pain if I failed. I had a responsibility as his imprint to look after myself. I held the balance of his happiness in my hands, if I failed to save Matthew, if I gave Ara what she wanted . . .

I couldn't think like that. I had to believe that I would survive. Thinking in any other way would be admitting defeat before the fight had even begun. Maybe it was naïve and stupid of me to think I could ever win in this situation, yet I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't do something.

With this in mind, I tried to focus on the after. Everyone would be so upset that I had done this; they would have the same argument, the same questions I had asked Will. How did I expect to win in this situation? I just hoped that they would understand that I had to try. No one deserved the wrath of a sadistic half vampire and her sick need to fulfill her curiosity.

I was beginning to think this was more than that now. I was sure she hadn't expected the strength of the singer; the strength of that call as his blood assaulted my senses. I was starting to believe that her curiosity had turned into pure bloodlust. That the only she wanted now was the taste of his blood through her link with me. I would never go through with it, I couldn't, and my body seemed to rebel every time I got close enough.

Maybe it would be my saving grace; there was no way I could taste while I was unconscious. If she forced me, which I didn't put past her, she would have to stop because of my mental block. There was no relief from this, in trying to obtain what she wanted, I was hoping she'd be thwarted by my strange subconscious.

My hands gripped around the steering wheel and they shook a little in my nervousness. A weak empty feeling ebbed through me, I needed some strength. I sighed realizing I hadn't touched the bag of Doritos sat in the passenger seat. I needed to be prepared; I needed to get my hunger taken care of before I even attempted facing what was waiting for me. I pulled open the bag and dropped them into my lap, forcing myself to eat as I drove.

I drove quickly towards the lot next to the mill, knowing that it was closest access to the beach. My speed was closer to normal than I had ever driven before and it was because of the nerves that coursed through me. I knew I should be hurrying to save Matthew's life, but I couldn't speed up what could potentially be my only chance to think through everything. I had to get my head right before I ran into this. I had to sort through my emotions before the betrayed me to Ara.

I pulled into the small lot that we'd parked in twice before and let myself out of the car. I left the keys in the center console before locking the doors and pushing the drivers side shut. I wasn't going to take off with the only set of keys Jacob had. He was good with cars and would find a way in; and I was sure he'd figure out that I'd left the keys inside. He would know that even in this dire situation, I was still thinking of him.

I took a deep breath before heading into the forest by the mill. I had eaten almost the entire bag of chips and they had done what I had asked of them, I just hoped it would be enough. I took one last look at the car before the trees thickened and blocked my view. It was a sad sight for me because it reminded me of the person I was pining for in this moment. It was Jacob's pride and Joy, he'd repainted it a couple of years ago and it oddly resembled a new car.

Rosalie worked on it for him as well, adding a turbo engine and any other thing he would let her get away with. I wasn't auto savvy, even with Rosalie's teachings, so most of the conversations flew over my head while I nodded and pretended to understand. The memory of it made me smile. It was the normalcy I longed for now.

I took off running towards the beach, sticking close to the shore as I ran. My legs pounded my feet into the damp ground as I ran full out. I needed to get there before I started thinking about it again. I knew Ara would feel the apprehension I was feeling before I appeared so I didn't waste my time trying to be quiet. She knew me to well. She was too attuned to me. I was stupid to let her get so close to me.

The lake was placid and reflected the dim afternoon light, the darkened clouds created unusual patterns across the water. It seemed the storm was following me. I had avoided it so far but I doubted it would hold off much longer. I could almost smell the electricity in the air from the storm, and the damp of the rain as it precipitated above me.

I slowed to a trot before I hit the beach; I wasn't sure what I would run up on so I wanted to be prepared. I needed to scan the small beach before I burst through the tree line. I couldn't see much as I approached, my eyes scanned the small sandy area, drifting over the rocks and scanning the tree line. Was I in the right place? Had I misinterpreted what they'd told me? The peacefulness of the scene that greeted me made me believe so, but I could smell Matthew on the air. I knew I was right.

I scanned once again, and found the three of them coming out of the trees at the back of the beach. My heart spluttered in my chest as I realized this was really happening. Will looked menacing next to Ara and Matthew looked terrified. How much had they told him? His eyes scanned the tree line as though he was looking for me, but I was still hidden deep in the trees. I was sure Ara knew I was there.

"Nessie, I can feel your pathetic emotions; why don't you come out and join us?" Ara's voice resounded off the trees in the small area and I knew I could no longer put off the inevitable. Taking a deep breath, I stepped out of the tree line and into the clearing. My eyes were trained on the scene in front of me as I walked.

My heart pounded in my chest and I knew it was telling Ara and Will how terrified I really was. My hands trembled in small fisted balls by my side, but I kept my head held high. I didn't want them to think they had broken me.

Matthew's scent was the strongest thing to hit me and it drowned out everything else. It still called to me, tempting me taunting me; but I held strong, trying to ignore it. I reinforced the bars around the monster as I tried breathing through my mouth. I was getting better at this; as long as I kept my distance he should be safe.

"Why are you doing this, Ara?" Hoping she had the decency to be honest with me. Especially know I had no choice but to be honest with her. My emotions would contradict any lie I fed her.

"Because it's in our nature, Nessie." she offered sarcastically. "You fight so hard against your natural instincts and all it brings you is misery. You just have to try this my way to know that it's right, that it's natural." She sounded venomous, but there was almost a pleading behind it. It made me pity her; she was weak, a slave to her animalistic instincts. She would know how to fight it, even if she wanted to. I was certain of that.

"No Ara," I laughed. "It brings you misery. That's your emotion not mine. I am perfectly happy to abstain. I have my entire life. Matthew may call to me, but the only misery it every brought me was the fact that I couldn't fight it."

Ara smiled viciously and closed her eyes. "You can feel it calling can't you?"

She inclined her head towards Matthew and drug in a long breath through her nose. A small smirk danced across her lips as she looked over at me. I wanted to roll my eyes at her theatrics, but now was not the time to piss her off.

"Such a strong scent, Nessie, but so much more beautiful through your senses. Take a deep breath; let it assault you. It's heavenly, as so natural."

I tried to block out her works because they would inevitably make me drag in the scent I was trying to ignore; the overwhelming call of the blood that pumped through Matthew. I was still in my right mind for now though, but I didn't know for how long. The adrenaline was strengthening the smell around me, and I was on the verge of losing my focus. I mentally pushed the urge to the back of my mind, trying to focus on Ara rather than Matthew and his all too tempting blood.

"Matthew, how are you doing?" I asked, keeping my eyes on Ara. Speaking with him would once again humanize him to me. It was Alice's idea; she said she used to tell Jasper the same. Look at them as a person with a family who loved them. It had always worked, until Matthew, but I needed to focus on that now. I had met his mother.

"Scared shitless, you?" he asked, his voice shaking.

I laughed once for his benefit. "Been better thanks." I admitted, stepping closer to the three in front of me. Will had Matthew's arms locked behind him just below the elbows. I could see that his grip was too tight; Matthew's arms were already bruising from being manhandled. They were also bent in an uncomfortable angle. Pain reflected from his eyes as I met them for a brief second.

Ara immediately shifted into a defensive stance as I took another step closer. I knew she was on edge; but I hoped that maybe I had a chance of distracting them enough to let Matthew run. It was the only idea to infiltrate my clouded mind. If I had to fight her again, I would. There was enough anger in my system that I wouldn't be gentle this time. I had come out here for a reason, and I fully intended to see it through now. I let myself drop into an offensive crouch as I took another step forward.

"You said it yourself Nessie; the boy will die anyway. Why fight it, drink and I promise you will never have to see me again." Ara smiled, she was feigning compassion again, and the lie seemed to make the anger boil again. She would feel that.

"Tempting, Ara, getting rid of you permanently is a most compelling proposition. You're not worth it though. I'm not here to satisfy your sick craving; I'm here to let Matthew go. He has no control over this; it shouldn't be his death sentence." I was angry, and that vexation filled my words. Ara didn't seem phased though.

Ara rolled her eyes and straightened out, walking towards Matthew slowly. Her fingers ran down the side of his face gently and tugged at the shirt that covered his neck. The vein pulsed wildly beneath the thin membrane of his skin, and I had to look away. I could feel the temptation rising within me. The smell I was beginning to handle, but the visualization that accompanied the smell and sound, made it difficult to concentrate.

"Stop it, Ara," I spit angrily, she was taking it too far, she was pushing me beyond me own limits. The anger seethed through my pores now, my whole body tingled in anger.

"What's the matter, Nessie; a little too tempting for you?"

I could feel the tears of anger prickling behind my eyes. I was furious, with Ara and myself. I hated that she could feel my self-doubt. That she could pin point my weakness. I focused of Matthew's face, and the fear that had made his already pale skin almost translucent. There was a hint of green to his skin as it became damp with a light sheen of sweat. He was scared, and he didn't deserve this.

"Always so self sacrificing," Ara rolled her eyes and pulled her hands from Matthew's collar. "I really didn't want to have to force you. It's takes all the fun out of it."

"You could always try," I answered hopefully, lowing myself deeper into my stance. She strolled back to her original position and laughed condescendingly. It seemed to fuel the anger within me. I fought to regain composure to keep the anger simmering under the surface. I couldn't afford to lose control around Matthew.

"Are you forgetting the outcome of the last time we fought?" Ara laughed in condescension, I wanted to slap the smug smirk straight from her lips.

"No, but you're forgetting the advantage you had last time." I mused.

"What's that?"

"I liked you," I snarled propelling myself forward and colliding with Ara. There was a crack upon impact that sounded like two trains colliding, it was deafening. The impact pushed us both into the trees, forcefully.

"Ara," Will's voice was full of concern for his mate and I assumed he was debating whether to step in as we collided with the line of trees. I could have cared less as I snapped and snarled at the woman dancing around me.

"Stay where you are, don't you dare let him go." Ara screeched trying to find the advantage.

Will growled menacingly and I could hear him dragging Matthew away from the falling trees. He would do what she asked of him, because this plan needed Matthew safe so Ara could be satiated mirthfully. It was the last thing that was going to happen.

I pulled on Ara's arms with as much force as I could, and let my other hand lock around her neck. I was giving her a taste of her own medicine and I could see her squirming under my hold, as her eyes widened in shock, her body was fighting for air. I wasn't sure I wanted to kill her; but I wasn't afraid of hurting her anymore. Every ounce of compassion and understanding for this woman had escaped me, the discussion in the house had seen to that. She had premeditated every action she'd made. Now, she'd pay.

She clawed at the skin on my arm that was locked around her neck and blood peppered the surface of my skin, I could already feel it healing as the skin tingled gently. I snarled and hissed at her before slamming her back into one of the still standing, larger trees, the thickness of the trunk would give me a little more stability as I applied pressure to her throat. The air in her lungs struggled to push past the obstruction my hand was creating and I could hear her chest wheezing for air. She was suffering.

I released her neck and threw a forceful punch into her stomach. She doubled over, the air whooshing from her body, giving me another advantage. My hands tangled in her hair, and I brought my knee up to meet her face.

Ara's muffled howl made the guilt surge through me but I ignored it. I kicked her in the stomach sending her careening back into the forest at a high rate of speed. I heard the trees that she hit crack on her way and she landed with a thud fifty feet from where I was stood. There was no movement from her body at all.

I turned and ran back to where Will had Matthew. Will's face was distorted with rage as he snarled at me his crimson eyes narrowed into slits as his anger raged within him. I could hear Matthew's heart pounding in his chest, I didn't think it was possible for him to be any more scared than he had been, but here he was, positively terrified now.

I didn't want to scare him anymore, but I was out of choices, I needed to act quickly, and I knew only one way to get Matthew away from Will; I had to provoke the vampire. I lowered myself to the ground and circled the two of them, letting my ears tune into the area Ara had fallen. She wouldn't be out long.

"Let him go, Will. I know how badly you want to rip me apart; so do it. Let the boy go." I taunted. I wanted him to take the bait.

I could see the ferociousness boiling behind Will's eyes as they flickered between me and where Ara was lying. I knew I had to keep up the intensity of my provocation in order to get what I wanted. I just hoped he would believe the lies I fed him. I took a deep breath and set a provoking smirk on my lips.

"She wasn't breathing," I boasted, "She could be lying there dead. Did you enjoy watching me destroy her? Breaking her as though she were a human,"

I circled further so I could see where Ara was lying lifelessly in the forest. Will tightened his precarious hold on Matthew's arms and I heard the deplorable snap of a bone. I flinched as the quiet serenity of the lake filled with Matthew's bloodcurdling cry of pain. The green that coated his skin deepened and the sweat balled on his forehead as the pain intensified.

"Do you feel better now you've hurt the weakest person in the group?" I asked sarcastically trying to fight my concern and guilt. "You don't want to fight someone with your strength?"

Will pushed Matthew to the side forcefully, Matthew stumbled and fell to the ground, his arms instinctually reaching out to break his fall. He howled in pain as the bone in his arm gave another slight crack. He rolled onto his back holding his limp arm with the other. I felt so guilty, but I didn't have much time to think about it.

Will marched towards me his eyes murderous. I snarled and lowered myself trying to keep my eyes on the three points of focus. Ara, as far as I could tell was still out. Matthew was now kneeled on the ground holding his broken arm to his chest, and Will was closing in on me quickly.

I danced past him quickly and ran to Matthew, I pulled him to his feet with his good arm and pointed him in the direction of the car. "Run, stick to the shore, when you reach the mill there's a red car in the lot, wait by it. Someone will come by to help you. Now go!" I pushed him in the direction, fighting his scent that was assaulting every part of me, before I turned to fight off Will. Matthew's eyes widened as I pounced towards Will but he took off along the shoreline quickly; running in the direction I had pointed him in.

Now, I had to get myself out of this mess.

I dropped to the ground as Will projected himself at me, he was large and moved quickly with an agility that resembled Jasper's, his slender form sailed over me as I flattened myself to the sand, there were mere inches between our bodies, the air disturbed by his moving body brushed my hair into my eyes. While I pushed the stray locks from my face, I jumped up quickly and turned to meet him straight on.

He was on his feet quickly and lowered himself once again into crouch so he could propel himself at me. I backed away slowly keeping my defensive situation. Zafrina had taught me well; and I knew what to look for in a fight. My battle partner had always been Kachiri; she was large and very intimidating, yet graceful in her movements. Will wasn't close to her size so I hoped it would give me the advantage I so desperately needed.

I knew I was quick; I had to use that ascendancy to gain the upper hand. In Will's supposition that I had destroyed Ara, he would be looking for revenge. He would be looking to kill me as redemption, his emotions would betray him, make him maladroit and ungainly. His emotions were going to work to my benefit. I knew Ara was alive but he didn't; and he was using every effort to eliminate me.

I danced out of his clasping arms and spun around leaping onto his back as he passed me. I let my teeth dig into the granite like skin covering his neck. It was the part of my anatomy that correlated completely with a full-bodied vampire. It was a direct inheritance from my father genes.

The high-pitched metallic keening filled the space as I pulled a small part of his flesh away from his body. It was loud and shrill as it rang throughout the space. I cringed at the sound but continued to pull until a large lump of granite flesh disengaged from his neck. I spat it out to the ground with repugnance.

"You bitch," he growled and flailed his hands and arms to try and reach me. He reached over his shoulder fighting and flailing to get a good grip on me, but I was ahead of him. I planted my feet in his back and used it as a springboard as I pushed away. I landed neatly on my feet and turned around falling into crouch.

Will was tall, he would expect me to go for the jugular, but I needed to hit low and hit hard, bring him down to my level. His angry eyes watched my movements as I sidled to the side. My breathing was deep and ragged with the energy I was exerting in our little battle. My heart hammered in my chest with nerves and contemplation. With one last esoteric breath, I took off towards him as quickly as I could. I knew he was expecting me to pounce so I feigned the movements, knowing I would go in low. I dropped my legs and slid on the sand as I reached his towering form. As I passed through his planted legs, I pulled them both out from underneath him.

He landed face first in the sand; the ground trembled beneath us on impact as I scrambled to get the advantage again. I pounced at him with all of the speed I could push from myself. As I passed over him, I picked up his arm and pulled while I continued to run. His body followed behind mine and I could feel him struggling to find his footing. I couldn't give up my advantage; I needed to act quickly.

I turned around planting my feet between his shoulder blades and pulled again. The metallic rip was deafening as it passed over the calm water and resounded off of the trees. The limb was coming apart from his body and I would only need one last pull before it was completely detached.

His cry was as deafening as the keening sound of the detachment. I held the severed limb in my hand and threw it into the surrounding trees hoping it would take him a while to find it when he had the chance. I jumped from his back and span on the spot to look at him. His features were contorted with pain and I could see the anger bubbling to the surface again.

He would be easier to deal with missing an appendage. His lips peeled back over his teeth and a ripping snarl poured through them.

"You're going to suffer for that." He growled, as the pain gave way to his anger.

I raised my eyebrows and watched him closely. Something in him changed quickly, his snarl turned into a smile and I could feel the chills running down my back. He was looking at something behind me.

I danced out of his range and looked over my shoulder. My heart sank when I saw what had caught his attention.

Ara stood at the edge of the trees; her eyes were darkened with her anger at what I had done. Beside her, stood Matthew looking even paler than he had, he was still holding his arm against his chest. I should have kept a better eye on her. I should have known she would go after him.

I let my shoulders slump, all hope had just disappeared, it was over, and there was no more talking. Ara would try and get her own way by force, and whether I conceded or not I was going to die. Will would not let me walk away after what I had just done.

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**A/N: Ah back on track :) . . . It's a little later in the day than I would have hoped but I slept till almost one so . . . lol :P . . . You're almost caught up with me, I have been procrastinating :) I think it will make it a little easier to write now though . . . I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was fun to write this one, there's something satisfying about the destructive side of Nessie, and the fact that she can look after herself, even with a full blooded big bodied Vampire like Will. Let me know what you guys thought :)**

**The song for this chapter is TRUNK by KINGS OF LEON. I love those guys and this is one of my favorites :). If you've never heard it before you can listen to it on my website, there's a link on my profile :)**

**Thank you to Vicki, she always read the stories for me and makes sure I am on track. Oh and goldentemptress and I's story Socks for Sex will be updated on Monday, there is a link to her profile where we are posting on my profile.**

**Thank you for the alerts and faves, and THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO COMPLETELY ROCK! AND ALWAYS ENCOURAGE ME WITH THEIR FANTASTIC WORDS. I LOVE YOU GUYS :) YOU ROCK!!!**

**TILL MONDAY - MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ - L -  
**


	37. Chapter 36: Don't Talk Down

_**All things Twilight belong to the awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

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**_**Chapter 36: Don't Talk Down**

I could see the terror in Matthew's eyes as he assessed the gaping hole where Will's arm used to be. His mouth was frozen into an O. There was no sanguine scene to go with it and I wondered what, exactly, he was thinking. I didn't know how much he was told and how much he figured out. Did he know what we were?

Will shifted to Ara's side obediently; and kissed her, his hand stroking the length of her hair gently. He was relieved she was alive; but he was going to make me suffer for having him think otherwise. It wasn't as though I cared anymore, well, at least not for myself. I had accepted my fate; I had done everything in my power to stop them, but I was out of time and out of chances. I wouldn't comply with them, but there was never any chance I could fight them. I was outnumbered.

I wouldn't give up; but there was no way I could fight with the same level of commitment knowing my fate.

I could see Ara's plan dancing behind her eyes as she felt my defeat course through me; she was excited. She had already decided how she would execute this little plan of hers and my submission had obviously made this easier, did she think I wouldn't fight back? It was futile, but it was my only defense.

I looked at Matthew apologetically; he really didn't deserve to die like this. If only he'd never come to Darrington, things would be so different. He would live happily and I would be with Jacob. I knew I could run, there was no one behind me and I could bolt quickly, but what would that make me? Leaving a human to die alone wasn't an option I was willing to take. I just needed another whole in their meticulous plans.

Ara looked directly into Will's eyes, and it was obvious she was relaying her plan to him in her mind. It was disturbing how flippantly she discussed the fate of others. Will's reaction wasn't much better; a smirk grew across his thin lips as he eyed me with determination. He sauntered towards men low to the ground and cautious; but with a deep look of satisfaction filled his eyes as they narrowed at me.

Everything in me was screaming to fight, but with Matthew's fragile life held in the balance, it was futile. Ara would kill him just to spite me, now that I let myself become distanced from her, to look at our friendship from a different perspective; I knew how conniving and callous she really was.

"So, I'm guessing you decided we'd do this the hard way." Ara sang smugly. She knew she had me between a rock and a hard place and she was using it to entertain herself. The smile was simple but smug and for the first time in my life, I really wanted to hit somebody. I wanted to hit her.

"I don't think I've decided anything, Ara." I said, digging my heels into the sand; fighting against the brute force of Will behind me. He jabbed the fist of his remaining hand into my kidneys with excess force and I cringed at the pain that ebbed through me. Small snaps of pain ran the length of my spine.

It gave him the desired effect and I stumbled forward, cursing my human weakness. "You should have killed me when you had the chance." Will growled quietly, pushing me forward again.

"I'm not like _you_," I hissed letting myself get herded towards the intended victim. The scent was getting more overwhelming with every step; but I was still able to fight my instinctual drive. Even with this new development, it didn't make me any less nervous because I knew Ara had a plan, she'd felt my resistance . . . she could feel my internal struggle.

Ara nodded once and Will stopped pushing me. He silently stepped back and waited obediently for her next instructions, it seemed in their relationship, she was willing to use him to get what she wanted. He was like a lap dog, wagging it's tail waiting to be praised for something it had done right. It was disturbing.

I was only about eight feet from where Ara stood with Matthew. His scent was strong; saliva pooled in my mouth; but my mind was still my own. It was almost mind over matter and this revelation satisfied me completely. The same could not be said for Ara. She growled intensely knowing she would have to do something a little more drastic.

I almost laughed at myself, knowing what I was had made me certain of my future. Well, as certain as I could be at the time; now facing the unknown, I knew it had been arrogant. Had I really been planning Jacob's birthday only a couple of hours ago?

I was an animal of sorts, born to feed from humans; I had fought it my entire life and I feared that Matthew's call would change me. Here though, standing across the small space from Ara as she held Matthew's life in her hands didn't change anything. I still wanted to fight this, but the future was looking hopeless regardless of that want.

I wasn't a killer, but my actions were going to kill him. The plan was in motion. Nothing was going to save him. Ara had already made up her mind and I could see what she was about to do. Her head lowered slowly to the pulsing vein in his neck, but her eyes were on me.

Standing downwind as her teeth brushed against his neck stopped my fluttering heart. I fought the urge to pounce as my instincts took control. My mind screamed at me as the crimson liquid trickled from him. The monster fought the bars of my mind as the pure inescapable blissful scent of his blood filled my mind.

There wasn't even the thin membrane of skin to dull the scent anymore; it was out in the open, the scent pure, and unmasked. I tried to keep my mind clear but it was hopeless. He called to _me._ His blood sang urging me to taste the divinity of it as it gently trickled down his neck and pooled at the collar of his shirt.

The material absorbed the crimson liquid and I couldn't stop my envy of the inanimate object, it was absorbing the one thing that had my complete focus.

I unwillingly took a step forward; my body was taking charge and my mind screamed for me to stop. I couldn't remember the basic motor functions of my own body as I continued to walk forward.

The blood trickled neatly in a line from the laceration Ara had created to the collar of the shirt. An overwhelming sense to run my tongue across the line consumed me as my body took another step forward. It slid down his pale skin in almost slow motion, it's thick consistency pooling against the fabric, making a perfect pocket to sip from.

"You see how it calls to you Nessie. It wants you just as much as you want it."

"No," Matthew squirmed in Ara's grip. "Renesmee, don't listen to her."

Ara shook Matthew violently to shut him up but the damage was already done, his voice had awakened my determination to abstain. I looked Matthew in the eyes and tried to keep my focus on the sapphire orbs that were filled with terror. It sobered me, and I tried to hold my breath. I took a step back trying to focus only on his eyes. Reminding myself that he was a sentient being, he had a family, I had met his mother not two hours ago.

The scent surrounded me, sang to me, urged me forward, and I was aware of the taste of it on my tongue. My chest was screaming for oxygen, but I continued my vigilant attempt to hold the breath within me. I couldn't fight it much longer and I knew that as soon as I took a breath I would be drawn once again to the thick crimson trickling from his neck.

"Will," Ara's voice filled my mind as a slight ringing resonated around my mind. I felt the blow in my back and the force of it pushed out the air I was holding in my lungs. I coughed and spluttered trying to resist the urge to drag air in, but it was useless. The air, filled with Matthew's scent, pervaded my lungs and tantalized my taste buds. The smell was everywhere.

I forced myself to my knees so my body couldn't take control again. My eyes fell from the blue to the red, and I felt the pull of it ripping my resolve from me. I gripped onto myself, my arms tightly wrapping themselves around my waist. I couldn't fight this for long; but I would try. I was aware of the movements behind me, but I couldn't react, I was too focused on keeping myself in my own mind. Staying in control of my nature.

I felt Will's hands tangle into my hair roughly; he used it to pull me to my feet, each of his fingers clenched against my scalp and he pulled me from my defensive position. My body's conflict created trembles; they ran down my spine, through my tendons, locking up my muscles. Tears flowed over my eyes and trickled down my cheeks.

A flash of lightning filled the sky and a roll of thunder followed it echoing around the forest that surrounded us, and granting me the opportunity to release a sob. Heavy drops fell from the sky and bounced lightly from my skin. It masked my tears, it masked my weakness, but it didn't stop the urge.

The whipping wind rolled over the lake and hit Matthew and Ara before swirling around me. It was too much; the rain seemed to amplify his scent as the wind carried it to me, I let out a cry of pain - I was going to fail.

Everything I had been through, everything I had put Jacob and my parents through these last couple of weeks had been for absolutely nothing.

"Renesmee," Matthew's weak voice filled my mind and my eyes slid shut; I savored the scent as it swirled around me. It clung to my hair, to my skin; it filled every part of me with a temptation I no longer had the will to fight. It was divine, but still, I stayed rooted to the spot.

I drug in along breath through my nose and I shuddered as I let the smell completely fill me. My chest expanded as the breath filled my lungs and pulled at me. My teeth dug deep into my bottom lip as I fought the urge to growl. The pull was so strong; it began taking over my mind, pushing away the last of my coherent thoughts.

I needed something to focus on, I needed a distraction, Jacob's smiling face danced behind my lids and I smiled unwillingly. I should have known he would try to save me, even in my own mind. It was who he was. My love. My strength. My protector.

"I'm impressed Nessie. You have more control than I gave you credit for." Ara growled. "If you don't mind though, I don't have forever . . . Will,"

Will pushed me forward and my eyes fluttered open; the red was the most prevalent thing in my line of sight. It stood out against the dull gray of the rain-encrusted landscape. I felt the pull within me; it was no longer in my control to stop; but I never lost the desire to run away. My family's faith in me made me stronger; I could see that in these last moments. I wasn't weak. I wasn't the monster I believed myself to be.

Ara was forcing this upon me, and even as I fought my own instincts I knew she would get her own way because she would start the frenzy within me, even if she had to force my lips to the crimson flowing from him. Was I strong enough to stop myself from drinking, even as the taste passed the threshold of my lips? I hoped so, but I doubted it. Even with my newfound strength it was obvious that nature and my instincts would take the last of my self-control.

I still found solace in the fact that I fought a good fight up to this point. I was still in control of my mind even though the desire ebbed through my body.

I was only four feet from Matthew now and his heart was thundering in his chest. His blood flowed around his body fiercely, pushing the crimson through the small cut with more fervor than it should; his breathing was coming in spurts. Will shifted behind me and I could hear him preparing his final act to close the distance. A crack of thunder sounded around us and rolled over the water like an instrument of war. As the sounds faded into the surrounding trees, another sound replaced it.

It was like my worst nightmare coming back to haunt me; I recognized the sound of my childhood as it marched towards us. My heart hammered so solidly again my body it rang in my ears. It was the sound of my nightmares. My eyes widened in my fear and I looked directly at Ara; knowing she would understand my sudden change in emotion.

She knew she didn't have time to run; they were almost upon us and they were moving quickly. There were less of them; I could tell by the quickness of their pace and the sound of their movements, but it didn't lessen my fear.

It was hopeless; there was nothing I could do to save him now. It was out of my hands.

My entire body trembled as the sound closed in around us. I fell to my knees in hopeless abandon. How could I have let this happen? How could I have been so stupid? I closed my eyes and my imagination conjured the images I didn't want to see; the images of those that would be upon us in mere seconds, images that I had stored in the deepest darkest place of my memory so I wouldn't have to face them. The black shrouded figures with their red eyes almost glowing from their hooded faces.

I tried to breathe, I tried to force my eyes open so I could see my end coming towards me. Had Alice seen them coming? Why wouldn't she have called me? Then it hit me; I'd turned my cell phone off. I'd been outside Jacob's house afraid they would try and stop me. What had happened to my family?

My eyes fluttered open and I scanned the tree line, for once not caring about what was coming. If my family were with them I would know they were safe; if they weren't . . . well, my outcome may not be so bad.

My heart hammered in my chest as my newest thought resounded around my mind. It painfully bounced around making my head throb with anticipation. I just needed to see my family's faces; I needed to know they were safe.

My breath stopped as the cloak-shrouded figures penetrated the line of trees and stepped into the clearing. I could feel my incapacitating fear take control of me as they moved lithely from the trees. How had this happened? I saw Jacob's sleeping figure in my mind; it was the last time I saw him; but would it be the last time I ever saw him?

I wanted to cry, had I sealed the fate of my family and friends? The Volturi weren't known for their compassion. All of the faces of the people I loved ran through my mind, Jacob, my parents, my aunts, uncles and grandparents, the wolves . . . Anna. One touch and Aro would see that Anna knew our secret. Would he go after her?

My heart shattered into a million pieces and I felt as though I was suffocating. Where was my family? Where was my Jacob? I wished I hadn't left the note. The last thing I needed was for him to walk into this mess and have to face death from the hands of the Volturi. My heart shattered in my chest as my inner conflict continued. My chest began screaming with the lack of oxygen as my body stayed frozen in fear.

"Nessie," My parent's voices rang around the small space and they barreled through the line of cloaked figures like a ray of sunlight on a stormy day. In an instant they were by my side, pulling me to my feet; both of their arms tightly wrapped around me. I was fighting the sobs building in my chest. They were alive, they were safe; they were with the _Volturi_?

'_Dad, what the hells going on?'_ even my mental voice was filled with panic. The Volturi were here, not all of them but enough. They were supposed to leave us alone; Alice had seen Aro make that decision; why did they change their minds now?

"They're not here for us, Nessie," My dad whispered almost soundlessly. "They're looking for Simon and Will."

Simon and Will. Why on earth would the Volturi be here after two vampires that were, apart from the current circumstances, harmless?

"Why?"

My dad shook his head while his eyes scanned the line of Volturi in front of him. "Listen." he whispered again, nodding once towards the line of guard inconspicuously.

I closed my eyes and listened, reading every small sound that traveled to me from the cloaked line of vampires. I was, however, surprised at what I heard. My eyes fluttered open and I scanned the shrouded line. There was a heartbeat, one very similar to mine.

When I concentrated I heard Matthew's desperate heart pounding, Ara's nervous heart fluttering, my own heart hammering in my chest; but there was another heartbeat, another steady flutter coming from the line of Volturi ahead of me.

"Ah, Nessie how wonderful you have turned out." Aro's soft whisper of a voice echoed around the small space. My curiosity retreated and huddled inside of me with fear. This was the voice I had feared, it was the one that haunted my dreams. My heart increased its pace. My nightmares had just materialized.

My dad nudged me once as he pulled me up from my knees to face the ancient vampire.

"Um, thank you?" I whispered; it came out as a question.

Aro laughed heartily before stepping forward. "I see you have much of your parents in you." A small-cloaked figure stepped forward with him staying close to Aro's shrouded figure. "Come now, you have nothing to fear, it's just a coincidence that we should meet again."

"You'll have to forgive me, this is a surprise." I mumbled, stepping closer to my father. I knew being rude wouldn't help the situation. Aro was bound to cross paths with us again; his curiosity was in abundance, and at the time of our last meeting; I was an anomaly.

"And what a pleasant surprise it is." he said stepping forward again. The small figure continued to shadow him, and one of the larger figures also followed him forward this time. "I see you have turned into a well balanced young woman. Unfortunately, not the same can be said of your friend here." Aro's eyes flickered to Ara and she blanched, her fingers loosed from her grasp with Matthew.

"Ara," Aro's voice took on the reprimanding tone of a disappointed grandfather. "I believe we spoke about this."

He waved his hand at her and Matthew. I frowned, how premeditated had this been?

"I took your pets away from you when we disciplined your father. I told you the consequences of your actions should it happen again."

"But . . ." Ara's voice was a quiet whisper, the fear emanated from her.

"There are no excuses young one. I told you the rules when we gave you your life; you understood the consequences."

"I never intended for him to live," Ara squeaked.

Aro frowned and looked across to us. "Nessie dear, would you like to explain?"

I didn't know how to explain the situation without implicating Ara. I knew I would be responsible for her death should I tell him what was going on. I would also be responsible for Matthew's death, something I had been fighting against since all of this began. There was no way Aro would understand my constant efforts at keeping Matthew alive; he consciously fed from humans.

"Would you prefer to show me?"

I froze in my parents embrace and my mind screamed Anna's name; I knew my father would hear that; there was no way to get around this. Either Ara and Matthew died, or Anna was murdered for knowing too much, protection of wolves or not, she was a human that knew too much. I knew what I had to do; it was my only choice.

"I can explain," I sighed, hoping he wouldn't push me to touch his shale like skin. "This boy is my singer, I believe you call it _La Tua Cantante_. You know how we live from the blood of animals; so I have abstained from killing him. Ara has a gift, she is emotionally attached to me and I believe her bloodlust has pushed her to the situation we are in now. I wouldn't give her relief by drinking from him so she kidnapped him, in hopes that I would relieve both of us. Matthew was oblivious until today."

It was the short condensed version. My dad's arm tightened around me gently.

"Ah, la tua cantante, you are your fathers daughter. Do you have a bond with this boy as your father had a bond with your mother?"

"No sir," I whispered, hoping I wasn't sealing Matthew's fate.

"I suppose it's to be expected, Marcus saw your bond with the shape shifter. The strength even surprised him. Is that bond still intact?"

I nodded once, my fear incapacitating me again.

"You do fascinate me." Aro laughed wistfully.

I smiled once, and huddled against my father again. I purposefully kept my eyes from the line of Volturi guard, I knew they were all staring at me; I could feel the penetration of their eyes.

"First things first," Aro chuckled lightly. "Jane, Demetri."

Two of the guard stepped forward to Aro's side in a silent whisper. "Bring Simon back to us would you dears; I believe he is close by and I expect he is partly to blame for this situation."

"Yes master," the two of them said in unison and disappeared into the trees on the other side of the clearing.

I watched them go, my mind filling with a whole slew of questions. None of this made much sense. It was as though I was stuck in the middle of a farce; of course it lacked the humor. Even through all of this my mind screamed one name above the others. Jacob. Where was he? Had he alerted my parents or had Alice? Was he still asleep? Was he oblivious to everything that was going on here?

My eyes darted to my dad, I was trying to get answers; I needed to know he was safe.

"He's with his pack. I made him stay in La Push. It would only make matters worse." My dad said under his breath.

I nodded once. I was glad he wasn't involved in this. If our fate was indeed sealed here, I could be happy knowing he lived. I could feel the tension in my father as the morbid thoughts marched through my mind in a procession; but I couldn't block out the inevitable. There was a chance we wouldn't make it out of this alive; and I had to be realistic about it.

"Ah Will;" Aro's voice pulled me from my thoughts; he'd been silent since sending Demetri and Jane after Simon. He sounded amused as he appraised Will's appearance. "I'm glad you didn't attempt to run; it was getting terribly bothersome tracking you and your brother."

Brother? Will growled at Aro and stepped closer to Ara. His arm snaked around her waist and he stepped forward until he was half concealing her from the Volturi and Aro.

Aro laughed gleefully, "Oh what a conundrum; this is so much more entertaining that I believed it would be. I am so fortunate I made the decision to accompany the hunting party. You are mated with the delightful Ara I see."

"She has nothing to do with this Aro." Will hissed concealing more of Ara. Matthew's eyes were almost completely glazed over in his shock now, and each movement he made was not voluntary, it was directly correlated with Ara's.

"Is your brother to blame?" Aro asked; he was highly amused. This just disgusted me. How could he possibly get amusement from this situation? So many lives held in the balance and he was acting as though he were watching a cheap soap opera.

Aro's shadow tugged lightly on his cloak; Aro held out his hand and smiled, his eyes flickered to me. "Ah yes Ezzelin, how very perceptive of you."

I looked at the small figure; I didn't recognize the name or the angelic face that went with it. He was looking directly at me now and his black hair, hanging over his shoulders, fell into his gray eyes. He was a hybrid. His eyes met mine and he smiled gently. I returned it with a weak smile of my own, before looking back up to Aro; what the hell was going on?

"I think an explanation is in order." Aro sang merrily.

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**A/N: Okay so I was so ready yesterday but the darn sight wouldn't let me on with that rather annoying error message darnit!!!! So here it is, not my fault for once lol . . .  
**

**Ezzelin is an Italian name and it's meaning is "**_**Little Noble One**_**" I figured Aro would be arrogant enough to pick a name like that. Didn't see that coming did you!!! LMAO . . . I could just see Aro giving it a try himself, yuk! Don't forget to let me know what you think lol . . .**

**The song for this chapter is DON'T TALK DOWN by THE STILLS . . . It's awesome and it's on my website. There's a link in my profile ;)**

**Thank you to Vicki for all the encouragement and brainstorming with me. This chapter is dedicated to her! I would also like to thank goldentemptress, she has become a fabulous friend over the last couple of months and the girl can write too!**

**Thank you for all the alerts and faves . . . AND THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU THAT REVIEW, YOU ARE AMAZING AND I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH, YOU ARE ALL AWESOME AND COMPLETELY ROCK!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!**

**TILL WEDNESDAY – MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ – L –**


	38. Chapter 37: Two Receivers

**All things Twilight belong to the awesome Stephenie Meyer**

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**Chapter 37:** **Two Receivers**

The concept of Aro feeling the need to explain was a little beyond my reasoning at this point. My fear and anger had almost incapacitated me and I was glad Aro's gift wasn't as defined as my fathers. I was sure my thoughts would offend him. He had never given us any reason to trust him before, yet I knew I had to listen, I had no choice.

"Nessie dear, you look confounded. I understand how overwhelming all of this must be. Our last meeting wasn't under the most pleasant circumstances."

I raised my eyebrows. The Volturi had come to murder my family and I; unpleasant was an understatement. It had been my nightmare for the last nine years. Every time something scared me that was the vision my subconscious conjured up. I nodded once to thank him for his understanding. I hated being so polite to him. I knew who he was and what he was capable of.

"It seems Ezzelin has a fascination with you." Aro chuckled lightly.

I smiled at the youth next to him and shifted uncomfortably. The child pulled down his hood and looked up to Aro, touching the skin on his exposed hand. The boy looked to be about six years old, I knew his mind had long surpassed that and it also meant he was only in his second biological year. The features of his face reminded me of the cherubs from the Sistine Madonna by Raphael. His gray eyes took in everything around him as they peered from his pale ivory skin.

"So impatient, young one" Aro laughed happily. "Where to start."

Aro stepped towards us again and the boy and the shrouded guard followed him forward. They moved together as though they were one entity. My dad's arm tightened around me and extended to my mother, I was locked closely between them. I could hear a soft growl emanating from my father and followed his line of sight to the guard that followed Aro. The male was smirking in our direction, his crimson eyes shifting between my mother and me. It made my skin crawl.

"Felix; stop antagonizing poor Edward." Aro sighed. "We have no argument with them; it does no good to create discomfort. It negates the rebuilding of our friendship."

"Yes master." Felix answered quietly.

"I suppose I should start from our last meeting." Aro said wistfully. "My dear brother Caius was not exultant at the outcome of our last meeting. He brooded over the meeting for endless days. Marcus and I let him harbor his ill will for years after, but would not let him act upon his desire for malevolence. With time he was able to dispel his ill will.

"Seeing your child's mind had given me an idea of your family's dynamic. Marcus showed me the relationship between you all and I was confident that you were not a threat to us, and that your child would grow into a fine specimen." Aro nodded at me smiling gleefully. "I am pleased to see I was not wrong."

"Thank you." My dad said quietly. "We are very proud of her."

"As you should be young Edward." Aro laughed. "Still, her existence gave me much to think about over the years. Such an interesting find; I hadn't known of our ability to father children. I was curious to say the least. So after much deliberation, I decided I should try the theory myself. After all; I could not condemn the actions of others without being entirely informed."

My father nodded once, but I could see something more behind his eyes, something only my mother and I would ever really be able to see because we knew him so well. He was disgusted.

"So," Aro continued, not noticing the change. "I found a woman who possessed skills that were substantial even for a human and impregnated her."

My mind conjured images I really didn't want to see. The fear that I knew the woman would have experienced sent an ice-cold shiver down my spine. It almost tainted the perfect moments I had shared with Jacob; knowing that an animal such as Aro has forced himself upon a woman, and let her die to produce the child that stood beside him.

"We fed the woman blood and kept her comfortable; Heidi was a most welcoming host for the duration of the incubation. She kept the woman comfortable and strong. Ezzelin was born not long after, the woman was lost but the beautiful child was now in my care. Heidi brought him to me immediately, and I knew he would be my greatest asset."

Seeing Aro as a brooding parent was disturbing enough, but seeing the child look at this monster with adoration was even more so. Ezzelin was beautiful and angelic; and knowing that he lived with these fiends was almost too much to bear. They would ruin him, taint until he became a shell of himself. He was a precious child with almost everything in the world open to him, and he was forced to live with the Volturi.

"The child has been a joy in my ancient life, and with his existence I was able to appreciate your efforts to protect Renesmee. His ability to learn has been a most delectable experience." Aro said fondly, smiling down at the child. "We have had to be fastidious though. Only a small contingent of the guard is aware of his existence most believe he is a human child, born of one of our many employees, there are questions but we have alternative realities to cover it up. I'm sure you can appreciate my secrecy of the matter. If it was discovered that we could indeed spawn offspring, you could imagine the overpopulation we would experience. Ezzelin has been receptive to his solitude, he has a vast understanding of our precarious situation."

My father relaxed a little but I could tell he was still on edge. He was prepared for any outcome. Ezzelin touched his father again and looked back to us. I could easily see it was his primary communication with Aro. Aro smiled and nodded once.

"Patience child," Aro chuckled lightly. "Such a joy."

The small space was completely silent except for the gushing of the wind as it swirled around us, and the crack of thunder as it moved over us. No one knew what to say. It should have been obvious that Aro would try this, that he would attempt to create something in the image of himself. He had a god complex when it came to our kind, and his own. We should have realized that he would have wanted to attempt this himself. Again, my heart went out to the poor woman that died for his experiment; he didn't even offer her life.

It should have been obvious when I was learning about vampire history. Aro had obtained an immortal child to evaluate their ability to learn. It was all par for the course, as soon as he had found out about my existence; I imagined he'd been calculating his chances.

Aro moved to speak but remained silent, a bemused smile shrouding his unusual features. He almost looked excited about something. It made me nervous. Aro was most dangerous when he was amused. I had learnt that the hard way.

Another roll of thunder filled the sky; it masked my father's deep growl. I watched him closely as his eyes shifted to the other side of the clearing. My mother hadn't missed the sound either. My heart pounded in my chest with fear. It was eating me alive.

"Edward?"

"I told him to stay in La Push!"

I closed my eyes and listened past all of the noises that filled the small space and let my hearing branch out past it. My heart thumped in my chest, what was he doing? Twelve heartbeats of the Quileute wolves filled the forest opposite the clearing. They were moving quickly as one pack; I should have known Jacob would call Sam and the others; he would never let me do this alone. He wouldn't allow me to be in danger this way. And I knew Sam wouldn't be happy about the return of the Volturi; even in as small a contingent as they had arrived. Even after ten years the last visit was still fresh in their collective minds, just as it was in ours.

The wolves breached the wall of the forest; each of them was low to the ground, ears pinned against their heads as they snarled and bared their teeth. They kept their bodies low as they tactically spread across the length of the clearing. I had never seen them looking so terrifying.

Jacob's large russet head turned to look at me; I could see the anger and relief mingled behind his eyes. He was upset with me; I could see it coloring his face. I deserved ever bit of his anger, but I couldn't believe he'd put himself in danger like this. He cautiously made his way over to us.

"Jacob where are the others?" My dad asked in a hurried low voice, I could hear the concern. Jacob's eyes met with my fathers as he spoke. The two of them glared at one another with concentration, I could feel the tension building in my father as his anger rolled from him in waves.

"Call them back, Jacob. You'll get us all killed."

"What?" My mom's voice was a worried whisper.

"He and Sam sent Leah and Paul after Jane and Demetri." My dad's voice was so low I could barely hear it, I knew we couldn't afford for Aro to hear it. He was being genial at the moment; if we turned against him, he could easily decide to destroy us all.

"No Jacob, _you_ don't understand." My dad said under his voice. "Aro is here for Will and Simon; if you interfere, they could just as easily train those cross-hairs on us."

Jacob shifted his weight uneasily and looked at me once. I could only imagine what he was thinking. Again I had put us both in a precarious situation, I was the one to blame. My dad placed a hand on my shoulder as my self-loathing ate me alive. I knew he could hear my inner dialogue and I doubted he was happy about it. Still, I couldn't change how I felt. His eyes were still trained on Jacob as their conversation progressed.

"There's a reason I told you to stay there . . . I understand _why_ Jacob."

I reached my hand out to the wolf stood in front of me and ran my hand through the fur on his shoulder. I don't know why I felt the need to calm him in that one second, but it overwhelmed me completely. His eyes closed and he stepped closer to me.

I ran my hand up his neck and smoothed the fur under his eyes. I knew this was neither the place nor the time to do this, but I had to let him know I was sorry. If this turned out against our favor, I couldn't let the current situation stand between us.

"I'm sorry J . . ."

Growls, snaps and snarls filled the air drawing my attention from what I was saying. Jacob span and took a defensive position in front of me as he faced the noise. Every strand of fur stood on end as his front paws bowed slightly until he was hunched forward ready to pounce. His large teeth were clearly visible as his lips pulled back, growls rolled from his chest.

My eyes darted around the small area until I found the source of the noise. The Volturi were poised ready for attack, their cloaks were still billowing around them from their hastened movements. The line of gray was a crescent around Aro. The noise was immense as they growled at their target.

I stepped around Jacob a little to see what had been the source of their aggression. In front of them was Ara. Matthew was no longer in her grasp; his motionless body was splayed in the sand. In his place was Ezzelin, the small angelic child.

"What is she doing?" My mom's voice was full of fear and disgust.

"Sealing her fate." My dad answered, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer to him. "She's desperate."

Even Will stepped away from his mate. She'd gone too far; Aro wouldn't let Ara live after this. His attachment to the child had been obvious from the moment he'd stepped from the line of guards. Ara had effectively signed her own execution order and she knew it. I just hoped she wasn't going to take the child with her.

The line of guard twitched nervously. I knew that Aro must have selected these few for a reason, there was a loyalty between the Volturi and each of the cloak-shrouded figures seemed ready to move as soon as the order was given. The loudest of the growls cut off quickly, and I realized it was Aro. I had never seen him angry before, anger meant he was in disarray; he had always been composed, even in the clearing all those years ago.

If I thought his ambient calm was menacing, it was nothing compared to this snarling monster. His dark eyes were trained on Ara alone as his body leaned towards her; his face was sinister as he appraised her.

Even though we weren't implicated in her actions my heart beat unevenly in my chest. As much as I was angry with her I never wished for this; I never wanted her to die because of this. Orion and Nahuel would be heart broken. They knew their sister well to know she was capable of her betrayal; but I doubted they would have expected this.

Will's eyes widened as he assessed the compromising situation his mate had gotten herself into. His eyes flickered between me, and Ara. I couldn't comprehend what was going through his mind; I couldn't change this. I couldn't undo what Ara had done; she'd made her own decisions. What did he want from me?

Movement beside me had caught my attention and I was surprised to see my dad falling into a gentle stalking crouch, anger and hatred contorting his handsome face. What the hell was going on?

"Dad," my voice was as low as the one he'd used to speak to Jacob. His body had tensed completely and he was edging forwards slowly. My mom grabbed his arm and pulled him back to us. She wasn't as strong as he was but she had a better chance of stopping him than I did.

"What is it Edward?" My mom sounded scared and desperate as she questioned him, her eyes flickered once to the Volturi, but after a quick glance myself I realized their eyes were still trained on Ara and Ezzelin.

"We let them into our home." he growled menacingly. "It's the reason the Volturi are following them. I'll rip his throat out."

"Edward; will you please tell me what's going on."

"They came here to kill Nessie, they didn't want anyone else to know that hybrids were possible. He and his brother wanted to stop the creation of hybrids. They fear how powerful these children have the ability to be?" My dad's body shifted lower, and my mom tightened her grip. "Hybrid's can walk out in the sun with the humans; they don't need to hide; their bodies adapt and change; they are not frozen as ours are. Yet they possess every good quality of a vampire, Immortality, strength, speed and endurance. They are slightly more fragile; but humans are powerless against them. To those who are afraid of the unknown, the hybrids threaten everything. They think they're doing the world a favor."

"They're afraid of me?" I said the words louder than I should of and Will's eyes darted directly to me. I could see the hatred boiling behind the crimson. How could they hate me or what I was without even learning about us? They saw something and made an assumption. Did they honestly believe we were a threat to them?

My dad sprang forward towards Will leaving my mother holding a small square of fabric in her hand. He dove into the air colliding with a sneering Will. The sound echoed across the lake rolling over the water. It was thunderous.

"Nessie, stay here. Jacob, watch her." My mom took off towards melee, she was moving quickly, dancing around the two bodies. I had never seen my dad lose his temper so quickly; as angry as he could get, it never happened this quickly, he would normally simmer quietly letting what was bothering him stew, but this time it was instantaneous. I could feel my body tremble as he and my mother fought side by side, slowly tearing pieces from the vampire.

Jacob whined and backed into me slowly, blocking me from seeing anything. I stepped around him, moving to stand by his head. He nudged me with his snout once but I didn't move. I couldn't, I needed to see my parents to know they were alright. I couldn't let them out of my sight. Jacob's head swung in the direction of the pack. The sandy wolf I knew was Seth bounded towards us and sidled in to stand at my other side.

A large metallic keening resounded through the space followed by Will's scream.

"CONSTO!" Aro's voice was louder than the screeching metal and time seemed to stand still. My parents stopped their attack immediately, they both backed away from the broken form of Will. He wasn't dead, but he lay helplessly on the ground before them. His lips were pulled back over his teeth as he glared at them.

My eyes moved back to Aro and Ara and I knew why he had stopped them. Ara was holding the child by his throat, rage painted across her features. The attack on Will had provoked her even further. She was feeling helpless and out of control.

My parents backed towards me slowly; their hands intertwined as their eyes, I was sure, kept a vigilant watch on Aro and the Volturi. They may be here for Will and Simon, but my father was right, Aro could change the crosshairs of that target at any time, and they could just as easily be trained onto us.

My eyes locked on the child in Ara's hands; his small features all held the panic he was obviously feeling. His legs kicked as his body fought for air; his eyes bulged out of the sockets as the acts of his body became futile. His small figure hung feet from the ground. A blue tinge washed over his already pallid skin, his pink lips darkened slowly. He was dying.

"Ara stop!" I was shocked to hear the sound of my own voice echoing from the trees, the panic that built within me was evident in my voice as it carried across the space. I stepped forward but Seth and Jacob mirrored my movement; they wouldn't let me go, they wouldn't let me help. I was useless and I knew it.

Had this been the dream Orion had seen; the one that Ara was in danger? It was what had brought me here, but I had thought Ara _was_ the danger. Was this the finalization of the dream? Had Orion seen the arrival of the Volturi without knowing it?

The line of Volturi hissed as the child's struggle grew in intensity. Any longer and he would die; what scared me was the inevitability of Ara's thought pattern. She knew she was going to die; there was no way she couldn't know his heart was spluttering, his lungs screaming I could hear it all from where I was. Was she willing to hurt Aro just to spite him?

All of the heads in the clearing turned to the south, as more movement in the forest caught our attention. I sighed audibly, frustrated that I couldn't save them from this pain too. I shouldn't have been surprised that they had managed to find us. Their heartbeats were fluttering wildly as their feet fell quietly against the bracken of the forest floor.

Half of the guard turned, while the other half turned to the approaching hybrids. Aro's eyes were locked on the child. This ancient vampire, even with all of the millennia under his belt, cared about only one thing; Ezzelin. If I hadn't feared him, hadn't loathed him for my entire life, I might believe he was capable of loving the child. Even with the fear and loathing I realized, that in some capacity he did. Had it made him compassionate?

I hoped Orion and Nahuel could talk some sense into their sister. I doubted they could save her from this act of hostility; but they could make her death less painful. Give her hope.

"They're with us." My dad said across the small beach. "Let them pass."

The small band of Volturi that had turned to welcome the newest additions to our growing precarious situation, kept their eyes on the forest waiting for Nahuel and Orion to emerge.

Nahuel was first to break through the trees, he slid to a stop as he came face to face with the guard; his arm instinctively shot out to catch his sister and stop her from barreling head first into the hostile vampires. His eyes coasted around the clearing and found his sister easily. She was the center of attention.

"Ara, NO!" Orion's cry came with a struggle to break free of her brother's arm. Nahuel had encompassed her, his hands locking around his wrists knowing her reactions. "Don't do this, please."

"You should listen to your sister child." Aro's voice was like acid as he spoke. There was vehemence seeping from the words as he directed them at Ara.

"Why, you're going to kill me anyway, Aro. "

"Ara put the child down." Nahuel's voice was full of authority.

Ara's eyes ignited once again as she sneered at her brother. "You are not our father Nahuel. Yet you try so hard to be."

"No Ara; you still carry on his legacy, this is not the path you have chosen on your own. I know you; I knew the real you before he got to you. You don't want to do this." Orion spoke levelly, but I could see the pain behind her eyes.

"They will kill me Orion,"

"Ara, put the child down." Orion responded, she would not give her sister false hope, I could see that in her sad eyes. "Please, Ara let him breathe."

Ara's worried eyes turned to the struggling child; Orion's words seemed to have planted something in her mind. She dropped the child to his feet and grabbed the tops of his arms holding him in place as he coughed and spluttered. Tears silently rolled down his cherub cheeks as his fearful stare turned to his father for help. It was strange to realize how much this child trusted Aro. He trusted him with his life.

Every person on the beach seemed to gather breath; it was surreal and gave the small space the illusion that it was itself breathing. The child drug in breaths with a rattling hollow sound, His small hand held the place that Ara's hand had been as he panted deeply.

"Why did you do this?" Orion asked as she and Nahuel made their way over to us. Her voice was filled with a pain I couldn't understand. She was heartbroken.

"I had no other choice, Orion."

"You always have a choice Ara. Did I teach you nothing?"

"Yes, but father . . ."

"Father is dead, Ara, his greed killed him."

"No, he killed him." Ara said pulling one of her hands from Ezzelin's shoulder and pointing at Nahuel. "If he had not told the Volturi of father's existence he would still be alive."

"Let the child go, Ara." Orion softened her voice.

"No,"

"Ara . . ."

"No,"

Jacob shifted uncomfortably beside me and looked to my dad. Something was happening; was it Leah and Paul? My dad's hand shifted to the bridge of his nose and he pinched gently. He looked tired and distraught.

"Dad?"

He shook his head once and dropped his hand, looking directly at Jacob; his eyes were full of concern. Something had happened, something terrible had happened. The bridge of my father's nose was reserved for the worst kind of news.

"Tell her to follow them in,"

The wolves that lined the other side of the clearing rumbled quietly, they shifted each on of their fur ruffled as deep growls emanated from them. This wasn't right, something was terribly wrong.

"I know you did," my dads voice pulled me from my speculating. His eyes were on the wolves. What was coming? And what had the wolves so riled up?

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**A/N: This was the chapter I had the most trouble writing because I couldn't get Aro or the desperation of the situation right. Which makes me eager to see if this has done it justice. Please, feel free to tell me if you like it or hate it lol . . .**

**The song for this chapter is TWO RECEIVERS by KLAXONS, it's on my media player on my website. There is a link to it from my profile ;)**

**Thank you to Vicki, seriously she reads everything I write; even the crap, so thanks chick ;p**

**Goldentemptress . . . thank you so much for the opportunity to write with you on socks for sex, I am honored . . . HAPPY BIRTHDAY, for Friday ;)**

**Thanks for the alerts and faves . . . AND THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO SHOW ME LOVE . . . YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING AND SERIOUSLY YOU ROCK!!!**

**Not sure what day I will be uploading and I am sorry for the delay, work has been insane and I haven't had a second to think!! I am going to be helping my sister move this weekend so I will be out of the house, I promise I will get to it asap ;)**

**TILL THEN – MUCH LOVE & BIG HUGZ – L –**


	39. Chapter 38: Lost

_**All Things Twilight belongs to the awesome Stephenie Meyer.**_

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**_**Chapter 38: Lost**

The confusion rolled in waves all around us. The Volturi were put on edge by the wolves; Ara was nervous about the reactions rolling around her. Nahuel and Orion stood watching only their sister. Matthew was still unconscious on the ground and Will lie groaning in the sand.

Everyone was so preoccupied.

Jacob and Seth shifted on either side of me as though they were preparing to act, my parents shifted quietly away from the path between them and the wolves. The rain fell harder from the sky as the sheets of lightning flashed above us. Small burst of flashes filled the storm-laden sky. Followed ominously by rolls of thunder.

I had no idea what was going on.

Ezzelin stood shivering in Ara's grasp as her eyes flickered between the three separate groups around her. It wasn't hard to see that she noticed the others preoccupation as much as I did. Even Aro was glancing at the wolves with curiosity. They had been silent since their appearance; this new development seemed to hold everybody's attention.

It was now or never.

Knowing the two wolves beside me had their attention trained somewhere else I shifted wondering whether they would pick up on the movement. I stepped forward once and looked towards Sam and the others.

Nothing; they didn't even acknowledge me; I was amazed at the preoccupation from the wolves sinister growls.

I took a deep breath and scanned across everything that was going on. Was there a way I could save the child and Matthew? Could I make it across the space before someone caught me? There had to be some way to get us out of this situation. Nothing could be this hopeless, there had to be something I could do to stop Ara. Ezzelin's eyes found mine; we were locked together in a silent conversation. He was begging me for help; I was telling him to not give up, I would find him a way out.

_Why did I feel the need to save this child?_

Under everything, I knew it was because I had to save myself. I had sworn to never take myself away from Jacob again and I fully intended to keep that promise. If Aro lost his child, there was a chance the grief could change his opinion of the hybrids existence. Whether it was from pure vengeance and malice or simply because he wanted to rid the weakness of his kind, he would exact his punishment upon us. While he had a child of his own I knew we were safe, he understood what we were and how we developed. He also knew of our capability to protect the secret, and our ability to love unconditionally. It was all relative to that child.

I _had_ to save the child. I just hoped my dad was too preoccupied with the thoughts going on around him to hear my quiet contemplation, I sure that was the case now, because I hadn't even acquired a glance from him. I was sure that the collective thoughts of the wolves and the separate thoughts of each of the Volturi would be enough to keep him occupied.

I didn't want to hurt anybody and I didn't want to get myself hurt, but I had to do this. There was no thinking this over anymore; it was something I just had to do. If I somehow didn't make I hoped a vestigial of my love would comfort them, knowing that I did this for them, for us.

I made another quick movement to test the boundaries of my guards. Jacob and Seth didn't blink as I shifted forward slightly Not one eye moved from the formation of wolves that filled the air with the menacing resonance. This could be my only opportunity and I had to take my chance. I stepped forward once more testing the wolves, but their attention was on the tree line. I heard their heartbeats elevate as whatever was coming breached the small compound we'd made for ourselves. Every wolf stiffened as they appeared through the line of trees.

My mind and body forgot the plan as the horror before me set in. I was frozen to the spot; my eyes welded to the figures and their quarry as they dragged it into view. My heart sank and nausea set in. Jane and Demetri had found Simon; but Jane was following him through the small beach. Demetri was dragging the body of a wolf. I knew the colors, and I knew the wolf . . . it was Paul.

Jacob shifted next to me, his ears plastered to his head and his body bowed in anger. I dug my fingers into his shoulder hoping he wasn't completely despondent; that he would feel my touch as I silently begged him not to react. I sighed gently as the tension was relaxed a little from his body, yet inside of myself the turmoil was clawing and screaming in fear for my friend, my brother, the consternation filled every limb holding me in place.

Jacob wouldn't risk hurting me and I felt terrible about using that against him but I couldn't fathom losing him to a member of the Volturi. I kept my hold on him, he kept his calm; was else could I do?

My eyes widened as I watched Demetri drag the lifeless body to the center of the clearing and let go of the legs he'd been holding. He continued over towards Aro and placed one finger in his master's palm an eerie sense of calm lulled around him as though he'd expected it from them, expected it from us. His disdain was obvious, it fracture the calm exterior on occasion, appearing behind the heavy crimson.

Aro nodded once and looked towards my dad; I could see his hesitance to look away from his son again.

"Edward, would you like to elaborate as to why one of these creatures advanced on Demetri and Jane?"

"I'm under the impression it was a miscommunication." My dad answered, his voice was flat and cold; and his eyes darted sporadically to the large black form of Sam. What was Sam thinking?

I could feel the anger rolling around us as we stood in silence. Aro's eyes had redirected themselves back to Ezzelin, his main concern. I tried to concentrate of the wolf lying motionless on the ground; I strained to see if I could hear a heartbeat coming from the body. Closing my eyes I pushed past the other sounds and heartbeats in the small area and concentrated with everything I had. Paul couldn't be dead. He was Rachel's imprint, she would be torn apart, our family would be devastated.

A faltering heartbeat hit me, it was quiet and struggling; but I knew it was Paul's. A small wave of relief flooded my system. He was injured, badly, but he was alive.

I looked to my dad and he nodded once in recognition of my thoughts. He knew we had to get Carlisle; he was the only one that could help Paul now. Even with my dad's extensive knowledge in medicine was nothing to Carlisle's years of experience and expertise. I didn't know how long we had, the gentle pounding of Paul's heart was weak, and it slowed more with each passing second.

We had to end this situation before he died, his heartbeat was so weak, and I wasn't sure how long he could hold out. Why would Sam do this? Jacob had given Leah orders not to attack; she'd obviously followed them. She was already in line next to Eli and Embry.

Everything was spiraling out of control around me and my incapacitating fear was returning. I didn't want to die here, I wanted a long life with Jacob; I wanted a future, I wanted a family. There had to be a way around this mistake, there had to be something to stop this madness getting any further out of hand. My eyes flickered once again to the small child held captive in Ara's grasp. Her hand was holding his neck and her eyes were focused on Jane. She knew her ability as well as the rest of us did. I had never seen it in action because we were protected, but I had been told, it was something I hoped to never experience if I could help it.

"My memory is very long, wolves. You would be wise to keep that in mind. If it were not for the Cullen's I would not hesitate to rip you limb from limb, but you are not our concern today. Be mindful though, the danger has not passed for you yet." Aro spat, before his attention trained back to his child.

We were in a Mexican standoff; four sides, stuck in checkmate. If the wolves acted; the Volturi would retaliate and force their way into La Push; they would also kill us because of our connection with the packs.

If the Volturi acted the child could die; and the wolves would descend. If we acted, we would be held responsible for everything that had happened.

In my nervousness, my body twitched slowly. My fingers moved in a wave and my leg bounced to no particular rhythm. I couldn't let anyone die. I had to do something. It was risky with my father's attention back in the small clearing; but I couldn't stand here and wait for a decision to be made.

My eyes scanned each face in the crowd. All eyes were on the motionless wolf in the center of the clearing. This could be my last chance to make a move, I just couldn't hesitate again I had to take a chance. I slowed my breathing until it was calm, like it should be. My eyes found the path I needed to take, and my tensed up, ready, waiting.

I skipped forward once, and waited for some kind of recognition from anybody, but their eyes stayed transfixed on the wolf. This was it; nothing was going to stop me this time. My eyes darted to Ara once before I my body take control. One last full breath of air filled my lungs and I lunged towards my former friend. My movement caught her attention alone because she was feeling the adrenaline rush I was; she knew I was building up to something. Her eyes were wide and expectant as I reached her quickly. I didn't spring and I blocked out the noise from behind me. It was just Ara and I now. I slid to a stop less than a foot from her, the child between us.

"Let the child go, Ara. Take me."

"This child is my only lifeline."

"No, Ara," My hand covered hers on the child's neck and I could feel her fingers tighten as the child spluttered slightly. She was reacting instinctively and I knew I wasn't helping matters.

Yet, the noise seemed to make something within me snap. It was like a red flag in front of my eyes. I couldn't let her kill the child; he was young and innocent and he held our future in his hands. I curled my fingers around hers and snapped them back quickly; I rammed my shoulder into her stomach quickly causing her to stumble backwards away from Ezzelin. Her eyes were filled with rage and surprise; my confidence had thrown her off. I pushed the child towards Aro, hoping he was smart enough to run, before turning to face Ara again. She was seething, her eyes were narrowed into small slits as her lips curled from her teeth.

"You bitch." She growled; the sound was gravely and

I pulled my lips back over my teeth and snarled once before pouncing towards her. She moved quickly expecting my attack, but I countered her movements with my own. I could hear the rumble of movement all around me as everyone panicked. I couldn't lose focus on why I was here; the other reminder was very close by.

I could see Matthew's limp body still lying face down in the sand; I had to black Ara's path to him. I may not be able to save him from Aro, but I was sure it would be more humane that what Ara had planned for him.

I circled until I was between Ara and Matthew keeping my defensive stance. I tried to ignore the sudden movements of everyone around me; the sound was already infiltrating my mind no matter how much I tried to block it out. I could hear the growls of Jacob and the other wolves, the orders of Aro, and my parents begging me to back away, it was all absorbed by my mind and thrown to the wayside, I needed to concentrate on the task at hand, and Ara was pissed. She moved slowly from one foot to the other as she watched my moves, we analyzed ever flutter of hair, every blink, every heartbeat.

The ball was in her court.

Ara pulled in one last breath and pounced, but I anticipated her move and met her mid air, if she'd hit me where I was stood, we would have both careened back into Matthew, there was no way he could survive that impact. The loud crash filled the air, the resonance rumbling through the space like another clap of thunder. We hit the ground on our feet, our dancing feet moving quickly around the others as we swung at one another viciously.

It wasn't long before we came to blows, both of us landing powerful kicks and punches to the other. I was engaged in the fight but I kept my awareness sharp, I kept Matthew behind me. We were deep in a private battle that by this point had only lasted minutes. We were moving quickly but efficiently. We knew that someone would step in eventually, once the shock had worn off.

No one intervened though; they didn't get a chance to.

I heard the voice above all others because it was different, raw, rough and weak. I turned my head and saw Matthew's eyes trained on Ara and I. I heard someone scream my name but before I could act fire enveloped me dragging me to the ground. My skin was alight burning everything it touched it was torturous and immobilized me immediately. I closed my eyes as I tried to block the pain that moved through me.

The fire lapped at every inch of my body, my muscles burned wildly under my skin; my bones felt white hot against them. Everything boiled within me like molten lava; my heart strained as it burst into flames inside of me. My brain pulsated against my skull, I tried to scream but the air from my lungs was like flames traveling within me. I felt like I had been thrown into the fiery pits of hell and I struggled inside my own body. I tried to hold out on the pain, I tried to keep myself lucid, but everything was fading quickly, I wanted to scream but I couldn't, it burned, _everything_ burned . . . Then everything went black . . .

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"Nessie, sweetheart, open your eyes."

My eyes flickered open to the sound of my mother's soothing and calm voice. The fire was gone; there was no residual pain at all, almost like it never was. My body was still slightly twisted in the position I had landed in, but it was comfortable compared to the pain I had endured. My mom's hands were on either side of my face and her worried eyes bore into me.

I could hear angry growls and screaming surrounding me. What now? Was the only thought running through my mind. My mom's hand brushed over my forehead in her concern and I knew I had to make a move. I was exhausted but completely unharmed.

"I'm fine," I croaked weakly, trying to sit up. I felt my mom help me up. I took a deep breath of the cool air surrounding me; my eyes flickered around the small space. "What happened?"

"Jane," my mom said quietly. "I didn't have you protected . . . I didn't think . . . Nessie sweetheart, I'm so sorry."

My mom's mumbling made no sense to me so I looked around again, I found Aro. The child, Ezzelin, was tucked neatly behind him, and I sighed lightly before continuing my small evaluation. I let my eyes travel further around the group until I found my father. I was hoping he could explain what was going on.

"Ara was attuned to you, Jane attacked you so you would both feel it. You were only under her illusion for a short time, a minute at most. Your mom acted quickly." He said sadly, but I could see the weathered pain behind his eyes. He'd suffered right along side me.

Another wave of screams filled the air around us. Ara writhed on the floor, clawing at the ground beneath her. Did my mom's protection stop my connection with Ara?

"No, but you are protected and she isn't." My dad answered my thoughts.

I nodded once and moved to stand up. Orion and Nahuel had Matthew where we had been stood, I avoided letting my gaze linger; I could feel the pain rolling from Orion in waves as she watched her sister suffer monumental agony from the small dark haired girl.

Still in their place, the wolves were a united front on the side of the clearing. Jacob's eyes followed me quickly and I nodded at him once. I hoped he realized I wasn't trying to get myself killed, I just wanted save the child because it would save us all.

"He's not upset, it's just a precaution." My dad answered my unspoken question again.

I nodded in acknowledgment, Paul's giant body was laid in front of the wolves and they stood guard over him. His heart was still beating, but he was still unconscious. I was willing him to open his eyes, wolves were known for their quick healing. I just wanted to know he would be all right.

"Nessie," The ghostly voice reached me quickly as I took my place between my parents once again. I knew I would have to answer him. Aro didn't like to be ignored and I was desperately trying to keep the peace.

"Yes," I offered.

"You are a curious creature, but I offer my thanks to you, as does Ezzelin."

I nodded once, hoping he didn't expect me to comment - he still intimidated me. If he asked me why I had done it, why I had risked my life for the child and the human, I didn't think he would like the answer all that much. I had saved him in my selfishness; I had saved him to save us. I could find nothing honorable about that and I was sure Aro wouldn't either.

My dad squeezed my hand gently in reassurance.

"So much has happened in such a short span of time," Aro laughed jovially

I tried to stop the look of disgust from creeping onto my face; how someone could find humor in this situation was beyond me, even for a vampire he was cold and callous. His formidability was present as much in person as it had been in my dreams all of these years. I didn't trust him one iota.

His face was once again relaxed, not even a shadow of the fierceness that had been there only a short time ago, he once again felt as though he was in control. His deadly calm voice had returned; his indifference was sickening; even more so with Ara's scream filling the air around us. His vapid eyes passed over Ara slowly, before they once again settled on me.

"Ezzelin, would like to repay his debt to you Renesmee. He has offered to save the life of the boy you were trying to save." Aro drawled in a disappointed tone. "He has a gift, it is similar to that of Simon's but exponentially more powerful."

Hope sprang from within me, part of my mind screamed that I shouldn't trust them; but it grew and spread through my system. Why was I so willing to trust the wolf in sheep's clothing? He enjoyed these games a little too much, but I had learnt he only enjoyed them while they were bending to his will. Aro smiled at my obvious change in disposition. "First though, there are pressing matters that must be attended to."

That was the price it seemed. He was going to keep us here and we were going to have to watch him dish out his punishment. My stomach flipped and bubbled within me, as Aro seemed to float in the direction of the screaming. It pierced the air all around us, never-ending as it rolled across the lake and bounced back towards us. It sickened me to hear my former friend in so much pain. It didn't matter what she'd done, I just couldn't take any more of her screaming.

"No, please, no." Orion's voice was the only thing to pierce the sound of Ara's screaming. My eyes flickered to her once. The shame that arose within me was more than I could take. Nahuel had his arms wrapped around her pinning her to his body as she cried and wept for her sister. I had never seen such torture, she herself looked as though she were writhing in the flames of Jane's mind. Nahuel rested his head against hers as he tried to calm her.

"Orion, calm yourself sister. You cannot save her anymore."

"My Ara, she's mine. Please don't hurt her." Her voice pierced the thunderous air as Aro stopped by Ara's writhing body. Orion's words confused me, but I couldn't let my mind comprehend the meaning, the dread of knowing what was going to happen flooded me completely. Aro's willowy fingers reached towards Ara's long dark hair, my breath ceased to flow from my body and I turned and buried my face in my dad's shoulder. I didn't want to see this. I couldn't.

My dad's hand held the back of my head as he pulled me into him, I knew he could feel my body tremble, it intensified with every wail of Orion's and every scream of Ara's, my eyes scrunched shut as tightly as I could get them. I was hoping it would block the inevitable sound that would follow, the sound that would undoubtedly haunt me for the rest of my life.

What sickened me the most, was the fact that Ara, no matter what she had done wrong, was defenseless. Jane incapacitated her, there was no way she could even speak for herself. He wouldn't even allow her to beg for her life, she was being treated with less respect and humanity than most animals.

"No, no, no, no, no," Orion's voice was the last thing I heard before the crunch of Ara's neck being broken, and the soft metallic keening of it being pulled from her body.

My entire body rocked in fear, and my mind swirled with incomprehension. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be happening, he had just executed Ara. The cognition that; not only had Aro killed Ara, but he knew our weaknesses sunk in slowly. He knew our debility. That much was obvious in his actions. He knew breaking her neck would kill her instantly, but the keening of him removing her head completely had cemented the fact that he was taking no chances.

"ARA, NOO," I opened my eyes in time to see Orion collapse into Nahuel's arms; a sob broke free of me.

My dad's hand smoothed the hair on the back of my neck gently. The wet heartbeat of the wolf grew louder as he approached; I knew Jacob couldn't stay away with me in this state. He wouldn't let me suffer like this, he couldn't, and he loved me too deeply. I felt the heated breath on my back as he attempted to comfort me. The damp tears spilled over my bottom lids and slid down my cheeks leaving a salty track behind. My stomach seethed as bile threatened to spill over. How could this have happened?

Louder keening filled the air with the screams from the males; it was accompanied by the growls and snaps of Aro and his henchmen. I slid from my dad's arms and buried myself in the furry coat that covered Jacob's shoulders, his head twisted around me, holding me to him. His warn wet heart pounded loudly in my ears and I tried taking even breaths with the rhythm. It was all too much, so much destruction, so much death; and it was all accompanied by the bittersweet ballad of pain.

I shook violently against Jacob powerless to control myself, my fingers wrapping around the strands of fur tightly. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. I wanted to save Matthew, but Ara's life was never the price for that. No life could amount to another each was special, individual.

"Nahuel, take Orion to the car." My dad's voice was authoritative. He must have known Aro's reaction to make such an order. My entire body ached with the violent trembles that rang throughout me.

"But, Edward,"

"We'll be fine, please, take care of your sister, she needs you."

I could hear Orion's whimpering from her brother's arms, and my heart wrenched in my chest. Why did Will and Simon discover the hybrid boy? Why couldn't they have minded their own business and left us alone? Ara would be alive, severely pissed, but alive.

Nahuel pulled his sister into his arms and took one last look at Aro and the rest of the guard before sprinting into the trees. I knew that Orion loved her sister, but her reaction was even a little curious to me. I clung to Jacob as the pain tore through me. The sound of her neck snapping echoed through my mind like a record skipping, my stomach twisted inside of me.

The metallic keening, so much louder than that of Ara's, still filled the air as the guard devoured Simon and Will. The sickly sweet incense smell filled the beach quickly.

All of this, every small detail, had been my fault, and it was all to save the life of a human boy that was now lying lifelessly in the sand. Was this selfish of me? Could I have lived with his death if it meant that Ara could live?

I wasn't God, nowhere near it; I had no right to follow that path, no right to dictate who should live and who should die. I had almost been resigned to the fact that Matthew would die when the Volturi appeared. It was out of my hands.

I felt a hand run through my long copper hair as it lay limply down my back. "Nessie, this went beyond your wanting to save Matthew, he was just unfortunate pawn in this. Do not take this on your conscience, you did nothing wrong. Ara made her own choices, as did Will and Simon. You chose to save the child, to save Matthew, you have a pure heart and I won't let it be tainted by this mess. Do you understand me?" My dad said gently, his tone was soothing and full of the love I knew he had for me.

I nodded, I knew his words were meant to comfort me, but I found myself feeling naive. Words couldn't change how I felt inside of me; they couldn't change the sadness and pain that ebbed through me. The selfishness I felt, as I thought about how glad I was that Jacob and I were safe.

I felt a small tug on my hand as I wept into Jacob's massive shoulder. It made me jump, but the small cherub face fitted with the perfect gray eyes smiled back at me. I tried to compose myself; I knew how much courage it had taken this child to come this close to a wolf. My eyes moved to Aro's bemused face once before I crouched in front of the boy, my hands were still interlaced with Jacob's fur as a reassurance.

"My father would like to leave soon; but before we go I would like to help you with your friend." He said nodding over to the unconscious and soaked Matthew. His raven hair was plastered to his face. The crimson liquid had washed away leaving a red line along his neck.

"Thank you Ezzelin." My voice was calm and steady as I spoke, it hid every emotion that screamed from within me.

"Is there anything specific you would like me to plant in his mind?" He asked, picking up my hand and pulling me towards the unconscious form.

Jacob growled lightly under his breath but I shook my head once. I trusted the child, even though he was a product of Aro; and I would not let Jacob get hurt because of this. Ezzelin was something Aro obviously protected fiercely and I fully intended to respect that.

I wracked my brain trying to remember what had happened earlier in the day. It felt like a lifetime ago. So much had happened since I had stolen Jake's car.

"I went to our school and his parent's house looking for him. If he turned up like this . . . I . . . I would be implicated." I finally said after replaying every detail I could in my head. I had perfect recall, but my current state of mind made it very difficult to pull out.

Selfish, selfish selfish! My mind screamed at me as I crouched next to the child and Matthew. After everything that has happened, all I can think about is myself and how I will be implicated. I hung my head in shame. My eyes caught the raven black that laid in stark contrast with the sand, small specks clung to the damp strands as he lay completely unconscious. Pale flesh covered his eyelids, and the only movement was the rising and falling of his chest.

My dad chuckled under his breath as the child's face lit up in merriment. My eyes flickered between the two as I waited for an explanation. Ezzelin clapped his hands happily he was almost bouncing in his anticipation. I waited patiently for one of them to say something, for any kind of answer to my silent question, but I didn't get one.

"I think I have just the thing," Ezzelin sang, leaning further over the body with perfect control. There was absolutely no bloodlust present in his cherubic face, which was more than I could say for myself. Being this close had made my throat light up, but it was more bearable than it had ever been before.

Ezzelin laid his hand on Matthew's forehead and closed his eyes tightly as he concentrated. The muscles in his face twitched and as his eyes moved behind his closed eyelids, the small blue veins danced behind the skin in a complex pattern. My dad was no longer chuckling, he silently thoughtful. Aro's curiosity began getting the better of him and he ghosted forwards. He stood over the three of us as Ezzelin continued to stream thoughts into Matthew's mind. I didn't like the fact we were tampering with his memory but it was the only way he would survive this.

The child-like giggle of Ezzelin pulled me from my errant thoughts. He spun happily to face his father. Placing his small hand in Aro's palm. Aro's delighted laugh peeled through the rain.

"I shall be sad to miss that, child. It should be quite amusing." Aro mused merrily. "Alas we must leave."

Aro turned and headed toward my father and mother, and the child threw his arms around my neck a perfect smile adorning his tiny, perfect, cupid bow lips. "It was good to meet you Renesmee. Thank you for saving my life."

"You're welcome Ezzelin. Be safe."

Ezzelin smiled before skipping after his father, there was still so much child in the body, and in the boy. He just had a deeper comprehension, a wisdom. I remembered being that young.

I heard the last statement of Aro's before the moved to leave. It made my blood run cold and an ice-cold shiver to run the length of my spine. All humor had gone from his tone and his menacing eyes had once again narrowed as he appraised the line of wolves in front of him. Jacob was still stood close to my parents and looked disgusted at the proximity of Aro, the words only made him more disgusted.

"Be forewarned wolves; we will not hesitate to take action if you move against us again. You would do well to write that into your legends."

I heard the gentle whispers of the cloaks as the Volturi disappeared and all of the air I had been holding was released from my lungs. I couldn't break down again, I had to be strong and see this through before I could let the adiposity of the situation fully submerge me. I was thankful I had Jacob to help me through this.

Now I just had to figure out what Ezzelin had planted in Matthew's mind.

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**A/N: I hope that didn't disappoint. I know Aro was strangely calm and obliging, but that will all be explained ;P Sorry it's so late you guys, I promise I will have the next one to you on time.**

**The song for this chapter is LOST by RED, It's on a media player on my website, there is a link in my profile :0)**

**Thank you to Vicki, and thank you to goldentemptress, two amazing friends.**

**Thank you for the alerts and faves . . . AND THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS, YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU AND YOU ROCK!!!**

**UNTIL WEDNESDAY – MUCH LOVE & BIG HUGZ – L – **


	40. Chapter 39: Let The Flames Begins

_**All things Twilight belong to the amazing Stephenie Meyer.**_

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**_**Chapter 39: Let the Flames Begin**

My entire body shook uncontrollably as I edged forward toward Matthew, I was weak and numb and that always led to thirsty so I was paranoid. I could hear the soft whisper of the wolves as they gathered around Paul's broken body. I had a feeling Aro's warning hadn't been an empty threat to them. They knew how vengeful the Volturi could be; they had seen how they had come after us all those years ago.

I knew Jacob had to focus on his pack and home for the moment, so I never expected him to be by my side. I was sure my parents were trying to help settle the mess as well as stabilize Paul's broken form. I sat beside Matthew and pulled my knees into my chest.

I had no idea what to do, or what I needed to do to keep the implanted thoughts in Matthew's mind if he was to come around, I didn't even know what had been put there. The wind was currently blowing from behind me and I knew that it could change at any moment; the storm was still ravaging the forest surrounding us.

I knew Paul's state was more dire than Matthew's, there was a chance he could heal wrong if his bones were broken, and if he had internal bleeding . . . My eyes scrunched together blocking out the thought. How could Sam have put him in danger like that? Jacob had warned him, I knew that he had because Leah had followed his orders, Leah was more tenacious than all of the wolves put together, yet she still knew better that to break a direct order from the Alpha.

The sound of rumbles passed through the wolves, and I knew the same question had arisen between them. I watched them gathering closely as the two packs slowly divided from one another. I hated seeing such a division, they may be two separate packs, but they were part of the same tribe. They were one giant family, this would be dealt with eventually but I knew that there were too many questions for that right now.

"Enough, all of you." My dad shouted loudly. His voice softened before he turned to my mother. "Bella, get far enough away from us so Alice can see your decision to ask Carlisle to come."

My mom nodded once and took off into the forest at top speed. I still felt hopeless as I sat rocking gently next to the only human in the group. I looked down to see the blue tinge beginning to set in on Matthew's lips. He was freezing. I placed both of my overly warm hands on the side of his face hoping it would be enough to warm him up. I didn't want to add hypothermia to the list of damages I had caused.

"Leah," My dad's voice was calm and strong. "Could you help Nessie, the human boy is beginning to suffer from the cold, he needs heat before hypothermia sets in."

Leah looked to Jacob before trotting towards me. She circled twice before sinking slowly to the ground. She shuffled slowly toward Matthew until her body was pressed into the side of him completely. Her tail swished once before laying over him, almost covering him from view. Her head turned back to the grouping that surrounded Paul. I imagined she was pissed about being excluded.

"Nessie, I need you to make sure there's no more broken bones in Matthew's body. Do you remember what to look for?" My dad's voice was clear as it reached me. I had studied some forms of medicine under Carlisle, he'd always had high hopes I could follow in his footsteps, and I looked older than almost all of them except Carlisle and Esme. I could easily fit in with the facade we normally fronted.

I nodded once and rocked forward onto my knees, shifting Leah's tail so I could check his other limbs. On his right leg I could feel a slight protrusion on his shin. I flicked through the mental images I had of the medical journals I had read. The irregularity was in his fibula.

"His right fibula is either broken or fractured, I can't tell."

"I hate to ask you to do this kiddo, but his blood is stronger to you than anyone else, I understand if you can't do it, but we need to know if he has any internal bleeding."

Truth be told, I hadn't even noticed his blood calling to me since the bedlam had taken over. With everything going on around me, it was almost as though I had blocked it out completely. I just hoped I was capable of this; I hoped I was able to keep the indifference as I forced myself to take in his scent again.

"What am I looking for?" I had to try.

"His blood should smell stronger but it will be masked if it's bleeding out."

"'K," I took a deep breath through my mouth in preparation and notice Leah watching me skeptically. I would imagine she would be more than ready to jump to Matthew's defense if I were to lose my senses. Not that I could blame her.

I released the air I had just drawn in and leaned forward, I drew in a breath through my nose and waited for it to course through my system. It was like water after being in the desert for a millennium. The scent filled me completely and I fought to control my natural impulses. I concentrated on the flavor of it; I tried to stop the flutter of my eyelids as the nectar assaulted my defenses. There was nothing different about this smell, it was the same as it always had been, and it called to me like an old friend.

I pulled away from him and drug in a gulp of fresh air; it was still tainted by his scent, but it was easier to deal with. My dad's eyes were transfixed on me and I could imagine that he was listening to every thought passing through my mind.

"It smells normal," I breathed.

He nodded before turning back to Paul. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the smell again, but the loss of sight only intensified my sense of smell. I rolled back onto my feet and inched away from him so I could clear my head. Leah's eyes didn't leave me once, and I appreciated it.

I heard my mom's return long before she appeared to the small beach; her eyes darted around the area. As soon as they fixed on me I saw her decision. She was by my side in an instant, her arms wrapped around my shoulders and her hand smoothing down my ragged, wet hair. I wanted to break down in her arms, but I still couldn't, I had to be stronger than that, I had to see this all the way through before I let myself fall apart. I could feel the precarious edge I was balanced on, I teetered on the edge waiting for the last gust of wind to knock me over it.

"Ness, sweetheart, are you alright?"

I nodded; I didn't think I could talk again just yet. She pulled me tighter against her chest and kissed my forehead lightly. I knew she was just as relieved as I was that we were safe, and yet I knew she was just as sad as I was. My mom hated death just as much as I did, and losing someone so close to our family wasn't taken lightly.

"What did Ezzelin plant in Matthew's mind? Did dad tell you?"

"No sweetheart, he didn't. As soon as Carlisle gets here we'll get him out of here and figure out where we go from there."

"Do you think Orion will be alright?"

"I don't know baby, only time will tell. I know she's in a lot of pain, and we'll have to help her as much as we can."

"Why us?" I choked on the words and coughed to clear my throat. "Why did Simon and Will choose us? Why can't they leave us alone, all we've done is lived quietly our own way, there's always something. I can't help feeling as though I brought this on."

"No, Nessie. You have never done anything wrong. This wasn't your fault; it was Simon's fear that caused this. Some people fight change while others embrace it. In either case I believe they would have sought you out, but that doesn't make it your fault. You were a gift to us, and you've been nothing but a joy in all of our lives. I wish you could see that baby."

"But I have brought the Volturi to us twice, mom."

"The Volturi are a hazardous byproduct of what we are. There is no escaping them, they follow their own paths and at some point they must cross with others. Nessie, you can't keep blaming yourself for every little thing that happens, and they didn't come here for you they came here for Simon and Will."

My eyes flickered to the pyre that released the towering purple cloud of smoke that mingled with the darkened sky, my stomach flipped inside of me as the sound of Ara's death echoed inside my mind. I would hear that sound for the rest of eternity; perfect recall had its downsides.

Another crash of thunder cracked across the sky and I jumped, I was so on edge after everything that had happened, my normal reflexes seemed to elude me, I was a nervous wreck and there really was nothing I could do to change that right now. My mom's arms tightened around me as we sat watching the aftermath unfold. Matthew's scent flowed around me as I sat helplessly watching my dad try and stabilize Paul. I tried to focus on anything other than the smell of his blood and the crack that echoed through my mind, but it was hopeless.

The sound of footfalls rang through the silence like a gunshot. The rest of the family came barreling through the trees and stopped at the edge of the clearing, their eyes on the pillar of rising smoke. Rosalie, Alice and Esme came directly to me, while Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle headed towards my dad and the wolves. Rosalie crouched in front on me, her eyes sad as she noticed the pain etched on my face. She picked up my hand and squeezed my hand delicately before disappearing once again to assess the scene surrounding us.

"Bella, what happened? Orion's catatonic, Nahuel is pacing," Esme's eyes flickered to the smoke and back to me. "Is that?"

"Yes, Ara, Will and Simon. It's a long story Esme, but we need to take care of Paul and Matthew, before we can even get into that."

"Matthew's alive?" Alice breathed. I realized she'd missed everything because of the wolves' presence. I doubted she saw anything now, Ezzelin would make everything Aro decided fuzzy.

"Ezzelin,"

"Who's Ezzelin?" Rosalie asked; all three of them were confused. Nothing we said seemed to make sense. I wondered how my parents had known the Volturi were so close, how they knew where to find me.

"Demetri and Jane were dispatched to come and find us, to let us know who Will and Simon were. Aro didn't want any trouble so he made sure to inform us of his arrival." My dad said crouching over Matthew. He'd ignored the inquiries of the others to answer my question, for that I was grateful. He ran his hands over Matthew's right leg where I'd felt the irregularity.

"It's a fracture." he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's safe to move him at least. I'm not sure how long he'll be unconscious so we need to move him now."

"Move him where, Edward?"

"Ezzelin . . ." My dad smirked once before the weight of it all crashed down on him again. ". . . He implanted a memory in Matthew's head, Matthew will wake up believing that he'd left school to declare his undying love for Nessie, that he'd called her to tell her to meet him at the mill here. The reason she went looking for him is because she couldn't find him there." My dad smoothed my wet hair against my back. "Nessie came back here frantic, she called her siblings to help find him, and she said he sounded strange. We find him by the water, his arm caught in something, and we have to make sure his head is against something hard so he thinks he knocked himself out. He'll be too embarrassed to pursue Nessie again and his fall will account for the breaks. Nessie's involvement will be explained and her reasoning for looking for him frantically will also make sense."

"He's arrogant, I doubt that he'll back off because he's embarrassed." Jacob said, my eyes shot up to him and I wriggled from my mothers comforting arms and flung myself into him. My chest hit his sending the breath gushing from his chest, his arms closed around me regardless. I kissed his face all over before burying my face in his neck and weeping. "It's okay, honey."

"If we're going to do this, it has to be now, he can't stand much more of the cold." my dad sighed from behind me. "Thanks Leah, you've kept him warm but we have to get him to the old mill and call the police."

"How many of us do you need?" Alice asked.

"I think Esme, Carlisle and Emmett should stay here with Paul and help the wolves. We don't need adults involved, we need it to look as though Nessie called her brothers and sisters to help. Jacob you can . . ."

"I'm coming with you."

"Fine."

My dad picked up Matthew and headed into the forest and we followed. This wasn't going to be uncomfortable! Matthew was a big enough pain in the ass as it was without him thinking he'd declared his love for me. No wonder Aro found it amusing having my singer follow me around was almost irony to him.

I really didn't know why I was complaining, Ezzelin, from the kindness of his little heart had saved Matthew's life. If I had to deal with him following me around then so be it. I had a little more control over my desire for his blood now.

I bit back the surge of guilt that ran through me again, I was becoming annoyingly self-deprecating. I could see it in my dad's eyes when he glanced at me.

We made it to the mill quickly and made sure everything was in place, my dad carefully placed Matthew in an awkward position below a broken window of the mill. His arm was terribly bruised and the break was becoming more obvious the longer we stood around. I felt terrible, a web of lies was being spun and they seemed to just float around my tormented mind.

"Should we wake him up and make sure that Ezzelin's implanting worked?" Rosalie asked; she was leaning against a tree watching, as Alice and my dad made the scene look believable. Alice had gone as far as to jump out of the broken window to get the trajectory correct. Matthew lay slightly further than where she landed because of his size.

"Alice, you call nine-one-one, and we'll try and wake him up."

Alice nodded and pulled her cell phone from her pocket. She dialed the number and waited. "This is Alice Masen, I'm not sure what happened but we found Matthew Derby by the old mill on lake Shannon, it looks like he's hurt pretty bad . . . I think he fell from a window, there's glass everywhere and his arm is laying in a strange way, we don't know what to do . . . yes I am with my brothers and sisters . . . thank you, please hurry."

Alice flipped her phone shut and slid it back into her pocket.

More lies. I was feeling a little sick now. I leaned against Jacob's chest as my body trembled wildly. I didn't know how I was going to get through this. Jacob's arms tightened around my shoulders and his hand ran up and down my spine as he tried to calm me down.

We were all soaking wet, we had been stood in the rain for . . . I didn't know how long, the drops still fell carefree from the sky drenching us even further. My dad was knelt beside Matthew's head, his hand on his shoulder shaking him gently.

"Hey, kid, you awake?"

I heard Matthew's heartbeat speed up at the shock, and then slow down from the pain. We all had parts to play, as my mom once said; it was part of being a Cullen. I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Rosalie and Alice stood behind my mom and dad leaning over him. Jasper stood beside Alice quietly.

"Renesmee?" The hoarse voice was harsh and hard as it escaped his lips. I winced once before burying myself further in Jacob's chest.

"She's here man? What happened?" Jasper asked

"I called Renesmee and asked her to meet me. It started raining so I waited inside. I think I slipped or something; I can't remember."

"You're pretty busted up there, we called nine-one-one. Just stay still until they get here."

"Why did you call our sister?" Rosalie asked, her voice an unusual tone, it was calming and nurturing.

"I . . . I wanted to talk, she's been avoiding me, and when she didn't come back I thought . . . " Matthew went silent. "She was all I could think about."

Alice snickered and my mom rolled her eyes.

"How did you get her number?" Rosalie continued, if nothing else she was thorough. She wanted to make sure the story was airtight; no holes that could lead back to us.

"I broke in to the administrators office at school. I just needed to tell her how I felt . . . Dammit." He'd moved and his blackening arm-twisted slightly.

"She came to meet you but you weren't here, she said you sounded weird so she went to your house. Your mom said you were at school, so she went there. Some kid named Tommy told her you left with a chick."

"Yeah, she was an ex-girlfriend. She lives in Seattle; we met one summer when she came to New York with her folks. We came up here to mess around, but she could tell how distracted I was got pissed and took off."

"Why me?" I asked gently, I didn't want to come off harsh; he'd already been through so much, even if he wouldn't remember it.

"I wish I knew!" He exclaimed using his unhurt arm to tug at his hair. "You have no idea how frustrating it is. I know that you have a boyfriend and I can see how happy you are, but . . . "

He was cut off by the sound of sirens and closing doors. The red and blue of the lights seemed to illuminate the entire area around us, it didn't seem to matter that there was a building between them and us. The damp trees reflected every rotation of the lights.

"Down here," Alice called, standing up and backing away from Matthew. Her eyes were wide in her anticipation.

I could hear the movement of every individual as they made their way down the damp slope at the side of the building. It wasn't the easiest area to get to but I knew they would work quickly. The blue was returning to Matthew's lips.

The paramedic rushed to Matthew's side as soon as they came into view. The blue tinge to his lips was plainly obvious now, even to the human eye. The police stopped beside us. Their eyes moved around the scene trying to piece together what exactly happened here.

"Which one of you is Alice Masen?"

"That's me." Alice said stepping forward, her eyes wide. She looked so young and innocent.

"Okay, do you want to explain what happened here?"

Alice sprang into the story, embellishing it with as much detail as she could. We stood there for hours answering questions and giving statements. The paramedics were constantly working on Matthew the whole time we were talking to the police, a foil blanket had been placed over him and he was finally gaining some color.

They finally got him onto a backboard after taking care of his arm and leg, Jacob's arms tightened around my waist as they carried Matthew past us. I felt Matthew's unnaturally cold hand wrap around my wrist.

"Thank you Renesmee,"

"What for?"

"If you hadn't of come to meet me, things would be so much worse."

"Your welcome," I whispered as the guilt surged throughout me. He was thanking me for saving his life. He had no idea how much it had cost us to save him, how lucky he was to be spared of the fear he had been feeling; to be spared the memories of the cloaked guard and the eerily calm Aro. He was free; he would only ever remember this as an accident.

I knew Jacob understood, as soon as Matthew's hand fell from my arm, he pulled me into his chest, his fingers running through the hair at the back of my neck as he placated me. This was horrible.

"Well, I would say this kids lucky to be alive thanks to you," The cops said in conclusion. "Most girls would have laughed it off. Stupid kids."

"Nessie has a big heart," My mom said reaching out and squeezing my hand.

"Well, you kid's better get home. I'll call your dad at the hospital and let him know what's going on."

"Thanks Officer Glandon," Alice smiled sweetly.

We all made our way up the bank to the parking lot, the Volvo was gone and I knew that Orion and Nahuel had more than likely taken it. Orion didn't need to be subjected to the police as distraught as she was. She needed to mourn, just as I knew I would. I had never intended for Ara to die.

My dad drove Jacob's car home and Jacob took up the entire back seat, so I sat on his lap and curled into his chest. I was numb. I hadn't even noticed us pulling into the driveway behind the jeep. Jacob slid out of the car with me in his arms, setting me on my feet beside him; he picked up my hand and guided me towards the house, my parents behind us.

My heart was in my throat. I knew we would have to talk about this, but I didn't think I had the strength right now.

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**A/N: I wrote the last chapter today, Shadow is finished; :'( . . . at least I have the editing to do. ;) . . . It was bittersweet; I loved writing this story because I had so much freedom with it. Anyway we'll get to that when the time comes lol. Now you see where I get my name. **

**The song for this chapter is LET THE FLAMES BEGIN by PARAMORE, as always it can be found on the media player on my website, there's a link on my profile ;)**

**Thank you to Vicki; she has helped me so much throughout this story, I really can't thank her enough ;) . . . goldentemptress, you just rock! ;)**

**Thank you for the alerts and faves . . . AND THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO REALLY ARE THE MOST AMAZING PEEPS EVER . . . THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING . . . YOU GUYS ROCKS!!**

**TILL FRIDAY – MUCH LOVE, BIG HUGZ – L –**


	41. Chapter 40: Aerials

_**ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO THE AMAZING STEPHENIE MEYER**_

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**_**Chapter 40: Aerials**

Jacob pulled me into the house, we made our way into the living room and he fell into the couch, pulling me onto his lap in the process. My entire body was shaking and trembling, but Jacob never said a word, he just held the back of my head, as I buried my face into his chest. I didn't want to relive the nightmare for the rest of the family.

I didn't want to go through all of this again, talking about it would just rehash Ara's death in my photographic memory. The sound of her neck cracking, the keening, the burning; all echoed in my head resounding from the edges of my mind.

Jacob's other hand rubbed up and down my back as the memory rolled through me with a shudder. Ara, she may have betrayed me, but I never wanted her dead. I never wanted her life to replace Matthew's. I never wanted any of this.

"Nessie, sweetheart, you have to relax. This isn't your fault, and I can't let you think it is. Ara made her own choices." My dad smoothed down my hair gently and I heard his resigned sigh. "Jasper."

I welcomed my uncles gift washing over me, the fog dulled the ache and the memories swirled in my head as the wave of calm blanketed me and pulled me into a deep peaceful state. Jacob's gentle snores shifted the hair on the top of my head, lulling me from my minds final resistance. Everything faded into calm, serene black.

I wasn't sure how long I was out, I wasn't even sure what disturbed me, but the warmth of Jacob surrounding me encouraged me to keep my eyes closed. In this small dark world, the nightmare from earlier was kept at bay. Unfortunately, with that thought, the photographic memory filled in the blanks. My eyes squeezed closed further, hoping to block out the images, but it never works that way. The subconscious can't be blocked out.

"Nessie, sweetheart, it's alright." My dad's hands were once again stroking my hair in an attempt to calm me. I swallowed the tears that threatened to spill over. I could hear someone else's sobs in the room; they were quiet, but loaded with pain.

My eyes fluttered open quickly, the first thing I saw was my parents sat next me. My mom was cuddled into my dad's other side, while his hand closest to me stroked my hair still.

I saw Carlisle sat with Esme, not far from us, which meant he'd done all he could for Paul.

"Paul?" I asked, fear running through me, it all seemed to quick.

"He'll be all right, no internal bleeding, just broken bones. He was lucky."

I looked to my dad, "Why?"

"Sam didn't give him an order, he just asked him to step down. Paul thought he had the advantage, and moved on his own, Jane took him down first, and Demetri incapacitated him. They both knew Aro wouldn't want a war to start with such a small contingent of guard so he didn't kill him."

I shuddered at the thought of what would have happened had Demetri killed Paul. There would be a war; the wolves would not let them walk away after killing one of their own. I sighed a breath of relief, but again the emotion was tainted with my guilt and sorrow.

From my peripheral vision, I could see Orion cuddled into Esme's shoulder. Her entire body was shaking in her grief. My grief was nothing compared to hers, she had lost her sister, but I couldn't help thinking it was more than that. She was so much more grief stricken than Nahuel. There was something missing, something I couldn't put my finger on. I wanted more than anything to go and comfort her, but if she rejected me. I didn't think I could bear that.

"I know this is hard Ness, but we need to talk about this. Piece together what happened." My dad said quietly, ignoring the last comment that ran through my mind.

As much as I hated to admit it, it made sense. In order to clear the air, we would have to piece together our separate pieces, and my dad would have to fill in the blanks. He was the only one that had heard the thoughts of the others.

"Ness, why don't you start, what made you go to Ara?"

"Will called me through his gift and told me they had Matthew." I sighed, "At first I didn't believe them, they wouldn't even tell me where they were. I went to Matthew's house to see if he was there but his mom said he was at school, so I went there and Tommy said he'd left with . . . " I looked up to Orion, she was still buried in Esme's shoulder. I couldn't say Ara's name yet, I just couldn't. "Some chick."

"How did you know where they were if they didn't tell you?"

I looked up once again to Orion's huddled, shaking form. "Orion's dream, it put all the pieces together."

"Why didn't you call any of us to come and help?" My mom asked gently, leaning forward.

"She said if she heard anyone with me she would snap his neck." I whispered. Nahuel shifted in agitation, I knew he loved his sister, but it seemed that he wouldn't have put this past her. He seemed quite disgusted. "I knew there was a chance he was going to die anyway, but I couldn't do nothing. I figured I had to try. I had abstained from him in the forest, I was certain I could again."

"And you did," My mom smiled, I could see the pride rolling from her in waves. "Even with the temptation as great as it was, you fought it."

I appreciated my mom's confidence and pride, but I should have stayed away, stayed out of it. Ara would still be alive, the Volturi would never have come, and we wouldn't be mourning three deaths.

"Nessie, you did what came naturally to you. You preserved life. The Volturi would have come whether you had gone to them or not. Demetri had been tracking Will and Simon for months, waiting for them to settle long enough to get a decent head start on them. When Aro found they had stopped with us, he insisted on coming."

"Would you mind explaining that Edward?" Carlisle asked, "When Alice had her vision, you told us all to stay here while you and Bella took off."

"I had to Carlisle, they would have taken it as an offensive stand if we'd have all shown up. Bella and I met them before they got to Nessie. I explained to Aro what was going on and he was . . . sympathetic."

"Why couldn't I see him clearly?" Alice asked, she was sat in one of the over stuffed chairs by the fireplace, cuddled into Jasper's lap. "Why did I have to latch on to Demetri to know they were headed in this direction?"

My dad looked at my mom, before he looked back at the group, they still didn't know about Ezzelin.

"Aro, after he left all those years ago, got curious. He has a two-year-old son. It was why they were tracking Will and Simon."

Bedlam broke out in the living room at the news. Everyone seemed disgusted at the new outcome, I found myself huddling further into Jacob's chest. I was amazed at how much it hurt my feelings. Were they all right with me because I was family? Did the idea of hybrids really disgust them that much?

"Guys, guys, guys," Jacob's voice boomed through the room silencing everyone. They looked at him curiously. He'd never been outspoken about anything. "You're attacking the idea of hybrids, when one of your family members is one. Did you stop to think how that would make her feel?"

Jacob's hand rubbed my shoulder soothingly, he knew me too well, they didn't seem to know that my feelings were hurt, that their words sliced at me. Yet, he knew the moment I had retracted into his chest how I felt about the conversation.

"Nessie, no," My dad pulled me out of Jacob's embrace and cupped my face in his cool hands. "Don't you ever think like that, do you hear me? You were created out of love, you are pure, and you have an innocent soul."

"I'm a hybrid, even you were afraid of what I would be. I was an accident . . . I"

"Renesmee Cullen, don't you dare say you weren't wanted." My mom hissed angrily. "From the moment I knew you existed you meant everything to me."

"And me." Rosalie chimed in with her graceful smile.

"All of us were scared because we'd never heard of anything like that happening, we didn't even know we were capable of reproducing. Then your mom gets pregnant, we couldn't see what you were, we only knew you needed so much to survive." My dad pleaded gently, his darkening eyes full of sadness.

"And I killed mom."

"Renesmee," My mom got up and kneeled in front of me, taking my hand in hers. "I never look at is as dying, you brought me to life, you made my life complete, I wanted immortality. You just made it so much better. Don't you see? You and you're father are the reason I am. I believe I was born to be your mother, to be your father's wife. Never, ever think that you aren't wanted or tainted our life in any way. You were a beautiful pure gift."

She pulled me into a tight embrace and kissed my forehead gently before sliding into my dads lap and giving him a gentle kiss.

"You were a product of our love for one another, Nessie." My dad said, brushing some loose strands of hair from my mom's face. "Aro hunted down a woman and forced himself on her. That's what is so upsetting about all of this."

These were two visuals I really didn't need. Aro forcing himself on a woman to impregnate just made me feel nauseas, I was sure he probably was handsome at one time, but his shale skin did nothing other than make me shudder. Then there was the unneeded visual of my parents making me out of love . . . _gross_.

My dad chuckled, pulling me from my sordid thoughts. I looked around the room, I was a little embarrassed at my outburst, but every face in the room seemed to hold remorse.

"Nessie, we weren't necessarily speaking about a disgust of hybrids, it was more Aro's blatant disregard of human life to gain the child." Carlisle offered with a small smile.

"But Ezzelin is still pure in his mind; he's the reason Matthew is alive. He's still so young and innocent." I said looking around the room.

"He's the reason we're all alive," my dad finished heavily. "Aro didn't want to disappoint the child, it is true, he does want peace with us, and did for a long time after the last time they came to us, but they believed we were controlling the wolves, and it wasn't until Ezzelin pointed out our conversation that Aro even started paying attention. Ezzelin was testing Jacob when he approached you Nessie, he trusted you implicitly, and he believed that he could trust Jacob as well mainly because of your actions."

"Because I got him away from Ara, and saved a human?"

Orion didn't react at all and I bit my tongue. Matthew had lived while her sister died. I shuddered again. I couldn't consciously put a worth on any life. It was too precious to put a price tag on, yet Aro had made the decision flippantly.

"Orion?"

There was no movement from her and I feared the worse. Esme's face lifted and smiled at me. "She's sleeping, sweetheart."

I took a deep breath and nodded. I was so sorry that her sister was dead because of this. I hadn't known her bond with Ara had run so deep. I couldn't put my finger on the depth of her grief, and that scared me.

"Ara was more than just her sister, Nessie." My dad's voice was soft and gentle; his arms pulled my mom tighter to his chest. "Orion's story is long and more complicated that I could have ever dreamed, but I think she almost expected this moment, retribution is what she called it in her mind."

"Retribution for what?"

My dad looked to Nahuel almost for permission. Nahuel nodded slowly and smiled sadly. "I think it would be better if we all had a deeper understanding of these events."

My dad nodded and looked back to me. "Orion was her father's first child, she had a gift that was mostly useful to him so he kept her. She was born gentle and loving and Joham tried to break her of this. He wanted to build himself an army of warriors, and a gentle loving soul just wouldn't cut it. Orion would kill all that Joham asked her too, but she never felt right about it.

"Joham tortured her by making her watch the mindless executions of his non gifted, female children. It broke Orion down, she tried to escape her father, but he needed her gift, and he beat her into submission."

I cringed, and Jacob's arms tightened around my waist. Even he seemed to be disgusted with that.

"He finally decided to test her loyalty. He'd found a woman who showed definite promise. Joham sensed she would produce a child with a very utilitarian gift, and he was sure it would be a boy, because the woman already had an infant son.

"Joham made Orion the ward of the woman during the gestation period. Orion enjoyed her time with the woman; she was only four years old and looked like a fourteen-year-old girl. The woman had been treating her as though she was her own daughter. She had also been spending a copious amount of time playing with the child and keeping him occupied. It made Orion feel normal; she'd finally felt as though she was home. It was her first taste of family and she didn't want to let go."

"Edward, are you saying?"

"She wanted to help the woman escape, yes."

"Oh the poor child." Esme brushed Orion's hair gently from her face.

"Joham caught her as she tried to lead the woman from the forest, and he once again beat her within an inch of her life, knowing it would break her again. He made sure she was conscious, and bound her, the woman and the child in a small clearing. He fed the woman, but left Orion and the small boy to starve.

"Orion's thirst became unbearable and she fought with everything she had not to break free from her bindings and feed from the woman and her child. She refused to show them that side of her. She loved them both, the woman had been the closest thing to a parent she'd ever had."

"Did she?"

"No, she let herself wilt away quietly, ignoring her own nature to keep the woman and child alive. She was able to break free of her bindings, but she would leave and feed, before bringing food to the woman and child. Joham would come back to give the woman blood to keep the child alive within her, but Orion always made herself appear bound again.

"When the woman came close to birthing the child, Joham returned, offering Orion her life in return for her loyalty. Orion agreed not knowing what Joham would ask her to do to prove her loyalty. The night the woman went into labor, Joham ordered her to kill the human child."

Gasps filled the room at the horror of it all. I couldn't believe Orion had been through so much while she was still so young. I knew her mind would have been fully developed at that point, able to conceive the consequences of her actions. A silent tear rolled from my eyes as my heart went out to my friend.

"She was forced to do as she was told, because her life would be taken if she didn't. She was willing to die, but she didn't want the child coming into the world to suffer the same as she had in her years with Joham. She's still never forgiven herself for killing that child.

"When the child was born, Orion begged her father to save the woman, but he refused. The child was a girl, and Joham was angry, but he knew she had a talent that could be useful to him, so he gave the child to Orion to watch over.

"Orion took to mothering the child and became attached, Ara was very much her child for the first three years of her life. Joham left them to find a woman that would bore him a son.

"After the third year he returned to find his daughters and start Ara's training. Orion tried to protect her, but Ara's gift made her sympathetic to her fathers needs and she worked hard to gain his acceptance. Ara was his prodigy, what he had hoped Orion would be in the beginning.

"Joham finally fathered a son, but he was protected by a new born vampire, she wouldn't give him up and refused Joham to get close to him. Joham continued to train Ara instead, and used her gift to seduce women. He would reward her greatly for her efforts. All of the work Orion had put into keeping Ara a gentle spirit was crushed.

"The final child was born quite a while after Ara, there were many in between, but each were female and ungifted, so Ara, hoping to please her father would dispose of them. When Carina was born, Joham once again handed her off to Orion believing her preparations were what gave Ara the drive.

"Carina's gift is to see others fear, and she saw that Orion feared her father above everything else, and refused his demand to train her. Joham was upset, and made Ara stay with her sisters while he tried, once again to regain Nahuel's trust."

"Poor Orion," Esme murmured shaking her head. I had to agree with her, her entire life had been hell and she was gifted with the perfect recall, which meant she would see what she had done every time she thought about it.

Her grief made perfect sense now. Not only had Aro killed who Orion considered to be her daughter, but he had also rendered the murder of the child pointless. Ara had been the blessing to come from that nightmare, and now Orion no longer had that justification.

"When the Volturi came to punish Joham for what he had done, Orion begged for Ara's life. Aro saw Ara's potential and loyalty to her father. Her father had given her a small group of humans to test her gift with, Ara enjoyed playing with them, feeding from them until they were exhausted, and then left them to live weak and powerless while she toyed with their emotions. This disturbed even Aro, and her mindless disregard for the rules worried him. He didn't want to see this girl follow in her father's footsteps and leave a path of destruction. Orion took responsibility for her sister truly believing she could change her."

"And I failed her." Orion's small whisper filled the silent room.

"Orion, I'm sorry I . . ."

Orion offered my father a weak smile as she held up her hand to stop him. "It was a story that needed to be told. I don't want Nessie thinking this is her fault. It was never your fault," she added looking at me. "I should have never let her come with us here. She was so much like our father but I refused to see it. I am the one who's sorry. I brought this upon you all."

"No, Orion. You see being in the presence of Aro, he sometimes lets thoughts escape him, because he seldom has to watch his thoughts." My dad said sympathetically.

"Not only did Simon learn about Ezzelin while he was in Italy. He also heard about your family and ours. Aro was teaching Ezzelin about others of his kind when he was discovered. He believes Simon wanted to rid the world of all hybrids."

"The child has been a joy in Aro's ancient life, and with Ezzelin's existence he was able to appreciate our efforts to protect Renesmee. Ezzelin's ability to learn is astounding to Aro." My dad sighed appreciatively.

"Only a small contingent of the guard is aware of Ezzelin's existence, which is why so little came with him on this mission. If it was discovered that vampires could spawn healthy offspring with humans, Aro believed we would experience overpopulation beyond any we have ever known, effectively bringing our kind into the spotlight once again."

"It should have been obvious that Aro would try this, that he would attempt to create something in the image of himself. He was curious, vain, and power hungry. After all, Aro had obtained an immortal child to evaluate their ability to learn. It was all par for the course, as soon as he had found out about Nessie's existence; I imagined he's been calculating his chances." My mom whispered horrified.

"He was being relatively sensible about it though, it's why Ezzelin is only two. He's been researching as much as he could, his guard was sent out to watch potential mothers. It took him years to decide exactly what he was going to do. And from what I can tell, it made him a little more sympathetic to us. He knows we're a family, that we're no longer a threat, but he seemed concerned about Caius."

"You mean Caius still wants to destroy us?" Carlisle asked, once again horrified at the thought.

"I wouldn't worry too much, he wont change Aro nor Marcus' minds. They have made the decision to leave us in peace for now, but of course there is an ever watchful eye on us, just in case."

"So they were following Simon and Will? Was Demetri tracking them?" Carlisle asked, getting us back to the point.

"In their quest for secrecy; Simon stumbled upon Aro's child prodigy, Ezzelin. They can't risk the knowledge of our newfound ability to spread. As useful as the discovery is to them, they can't afford to let this information spread. It has the potential to destroy our world and unmask us to the human populace. If this is to become public knowledge; Aro has decided there will be rules."

As much as I hated to admit it, I had to agree with Aro. We couldn't afford to be discovered. In the Victorian and Elizabethan eras in England, the vampire's existence was well known. We weren't merely a myth, we were a reality; the vampires were hunted, there was no peace for our species and the hunting opportunities became sparse. I was sure nobody wanted a repeat of that history; but there were a few who would go to extremes for what they wanted.

"So Demetri had been tracking Simon and discovered he'd met up with another nomad, his brother William. The two vampires led them on a wild goose chase for a while before they led the guard down to the coven in Brazil; where they found Huilen and Carina alone. Carina had explained to the guard that Nahuel and his others sisters had come to visit Nessie, but not before telling Aro that he was mistaken.

"Carina couldn't have known what Simon had planned for her sister. Simon wanted to exterminate the hybrids and from his thoughts at the end he'd decided to go back for Carina, once he took care of the four here."

"Why though? Why would Simon and Will want to kill the girls and Nahuel?" Jasper asked, breaking his silence. "It doesn't make any sense."

"I don't think Will knew, I think as far as he was concerned, the four of them had done something to bring the Volturi after them. They were paternal brothers; but they would occasionally travel together. So Will agreed to help his Simon exact revenge. Still, Simon knew what he was doing; he knew exactly how to get to them without spilling the blood himself. He was hiding his talent from us."

"Simon had a talent?" Alice asked sitting forward.

"Yes, he can encourage behavior. Aro was sure that he had Ara under some kind of manipulation, especially considering he had been in Brazil. Aro believed it was how Simon knew about my talent, and Alice's, so he was able to effectively block me."

"Aro was convinced that he was trying to expose the secret right up to the point he arrived at that beach. His thinking switched quickly though. In making Ara and Nessie fight, they had indirectly given away our secret. They also appeared to be more dangerous and renegade than the Volturi had first believed. Simon had hoped it would change the minds of the Volturi, that they would destroy their creation and outlaw the spawning of hybrids. He came here to destroy Nessie; but she was, I'm pleased to say, stronger than he was." My dad said proudly.

"But why kill these people, when they have lived peacefully for as long as they have? And Renesmee, she's still so young." Carlisle asked, his scientific mind working overtime. It seemed as though there were a few large holes in his theories, and he was hoping for some insight.

"Aro concluded that Simon wanted to stop the creation of hybrids. He knew how powerful these children have the ability to be. They can walk out in the sun with the humans; they don't need to hide; their bodies adapt and change; they are not frozen as ours are. Yet they possess every good quality of a vampire. Immortality, strength, speed, and endurance, they are slightly more fragile; but humans are powerless against them. To those who are afraid of the unknown, the hybrids threaten everything. Simon never intended to let Ara live either, Will taking her as a mate was an inconvenience, but he intended for Nessie or the Volturi to kill her, he knew that if Nessie prevailed, Will would kill her."

"Sick animals," Rosalie spat, "He was making others act for him. What a coward."

"What did Aro think of these theories?" Esme asked.

"He could see the theory behind Simon's concerns, but Ezzelin has been valuable to him; He learns from the child much the same as Ezzelin learns from him. He fears that the knowledge will be misused, but cannot conclude that they will destroy us. We all know how intelligent they are; they follow examples and, they have so many human qualities. He used Nessie as an example."

"If Ara hadn't of taken Ezzelin hostage, Aro was willing to let her walk away along with Will, because he believed Simon had manipulated them into doing what they did. They had no choice, but when Ara reacted the way she did. She signed her own death warrant."

"She was stupid and selfish." Nahuel said with a hint on venom.

"Yes, but she was desperate, in her own mind she assumed she had done all of this from her own free will, and never believed for a second she had been manipulated into it."

"The sad thing is, I think she would have done it anyway, she was so desperate for a way back to our roots. She wanted to live the life our father had made for her. She still believed he was right." Orion mumbled. "The silly girl didn't realize the worth of a human life, she saw them as lesser beings, worthless even. Forgetting all the while that half of herself was human. She paid the ultimate cost for that."

There was a pregnant pause that filled the room after Orion's words, we would never know if Ara was capable of such betrayal; but we did know she had died under the actions of her own mind. No one could have had time to plant the thought in her mind to take the child.

Guilt still ebbed through me, but it was no longer for her death, that blame belonged with her and Simon alone. I couldn't shoulder the burden of that death and I knew it. Some things I just blamed myself for, I couldn't help it most of the time, but this was a mess I didn't make, it was made possible by my unusual circumstances. We would recover from this; we had to.

Time would heal all wounds, and will all of this now out in the open, we could only learn from it. Time was what we had a head of us, as well as pain and mourning. I just hoped things would calm down now.

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**A/N: Sorry it's late guys . . . well; I hoped that answered any questions you had about what went down. I tried to cover it all. I know this was really heavy in dialogue, but I needed to get the air cleared. The next chapter will be a lot lighter. **

**The song for this chapter is AERIALS by SYSTEM OF A DOWN, it's on the media player on my website. There's a link on my profile ;)**

**Thank you to Vicki and goldentemptress for calming me down when I got all emotional that the story was over. Only a couple left for you guys, and yes I am that much of a sap lol. **

**Thank you for the alerts and faves and . . . THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU ALL OF YOU GUYS, YOUR WORDS ALWAYS MAKE ME SMILE, YOU TOTALLY ROCK!**

**TILL TOMORROW – MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ – L – **


	42. Chapter 41: A Little Better

_**All things Twilight belong to the amazing Stephenie Meyer.**_

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**_**Chapter 41: A Little Better**

_TWO MONTHS LATER_

I was stood in front of the mirror in Alice's room marveling at my reflection. The long flowing dress she'd chosen for me was beautiful. It hugged my waist and thighs before falling gracefully to the floor in cascades of material I didn't even have a name for.

Alice had ordered the dress almost two months ago, she couldn't see it happening because of her gift and the interference, but Jacob spoke with her first, because he knew she was the only person who could help him get what he wanted.

It had been a strange couple of months since the realization of my worst nightmare. Nahuel had gone home to his aunt and sister to break the news about Ara, but Orion had stayed with us. She had been almost catatonic that first month, but as a family we were able to get her through it all. Our friendship had only strengthened because of it, she was like a sister me and I was happy she was slowly becoming her old self again.

I had been attending high school for my last couple of months; I couldn't believe graduation was just around the corner. I was still under control around Matthew, but Jacob had persuaded Orion to join the school with me, because he needed someone with a little more strength than Anna possessed.

Anna didn't care who was there, as long as she didn't have to deal with the people on her own. She had been tormented in my absence by some of the snobbier girls in our class. Unfortunately, for them, I was back with a vengeance, and now we were a three rather than a two. Everyone kept their distance now, everyone except Matthew of course.

He had developed a crush on Orion, something she didn't have that big of an aversion to either. He was still as clueless as he had been well after Ezzelin anyway, he just enjoyed spending time with us, well, her. Anna and I found ourselves giving them more and more space as time wore on. He didn't really remember much about his accident either, he seemingly lost all fascination with me after that though and there was no way of knowing if this was all part of Ezzelin's design or not.

It wasn't that Matthew was replacing Ara in the literal sense, but it seemed like things had evened out a little. Orion was happy, and not one of us could fault that, and Matthew had no need to push limits with me now.

Jacob's birthday present was coming along nicely, I spent every waking minute with Jacob, and I couldn't let him go wandering around the reservation while we were still working on it. His birthday was next month and Esme, Alice, and the rest of the family spent as much time as they could on the project, with the help of Sam, Seth and every other wolf on the reservation.

My phone was constantly ringing and I was bombarded with questions every time he stepped more than a mile out of range. I had wanted this to reflect him more than anything else and everyone had their own take on who Jacob was. My mom was the only one who ever got close, and my dad of course, but he was a cheater.

In my many hours with Jacob, we also spent some time at his home on the reservation. I always kept him away from where everything was happening so it wasn't that difficult to be there. I was even there when the blow up happened in the living room about Billy dating Mrs. Call.

Billy had had his fill of Rachel's comments and snapped back at her one afternoon. It turns out that Billy was not Embry's father, but Billy had asked her once. Apparently Sam's dad had earned his reputation, but we were sworn to secrecy, and luckily Paul hadn't been there to absorb the information.

After everything had settled down, and calm had once again been restored, my dad and mom sat down Jacob and I and gave us the sex talk. I was horrified my face flamed as we sat down in Carlisle's office. It was the only really private place in the house, and I had to at least appreciate them for that.

It started out innocently enough . . .

"Jacob, Nessie, could we have a word in Carlisle's study please?" My dad called, his voice light and pleasant. I looked at Jacob and raised an eyebrow. We'd been expecting this for a little while, but hearing the tone of my dad's made us discard that thought. We doubted he'd be that calm.

Jacob picked up my hand and tugged me along beside him as he made his way to the office at the back of the house. He'd just planted his lips on the top of my head lightly when my dad appeared from the door of the office. His eyes a little wild and perturbed. He disappeared back inside grumbling and I slapped Jacob on the arm gently. He seemed to forget himself more these days.

We walked into the office full of apprehension and took the two leather seats that faced the desk, while my dad sat in Carlisle's chair and my mom perched on the credenza. She was the only one who looked calm and serene. She had a small smirk on her lips, as though forcing herself not to laugh.

"I hate doing this, but considering the . . . uh . . ." My dad was struggling a little to find the words, and I could see my mom's amusement.

"Turn of events." my mom finished for him.

"Yes, thank you love. Considering the turn of events, I think we should go through some things. Due to the nature of relationship, and Renesmee's young age, I think we need to have the _talk_." he looked positively horrified saying it out loud, and I couldn't help but giggle at his awkwardness.

"Renesmee, this isn't funny. We have no idea how your body works; we need to know you're being safe during sex. If you have an ability to get pregnant . . . well, we'll discover that when the time is right for you both, but for now, I think you should practice safe sex."

I felt my cheeks blush, the heat radiating from them like a beacon. This was worse than I could have imagined. I hadn't even considered the possibility of getting pregnant and Jacob and I had been less than conscientious, in fact, I didn't think the thought had ever crossed my mind.

My dad's eyes narrowed and I realized I had been thinking without editing. I hung my head. Oh this was so much worse than I could have imagined.

"Jacob," my dad's voice was a growl.

"Edward, it won't happen again . . ."

"It better not, if you insist upon having an, um, mature relationship. I expect you both to be responsible. We don't know what would happen with the mixed DNA. It will take Carlisle a while to determine whether the two of you are even capable of reproduction, and what the outcome would entail."

"You make it sound like some sick science experiment, dad."

"That's not my intention Nessie, I just want to be sure that when you're ready, you know what to expect."

I nodded once, wishing this would be over soon. I felt Jacob shaking beside me and turned to look at him. He was trying to hide his large grin; I frowned and nudged him with my elbow, trying to get his attention. When he looked at me, I was surprised by what burned behind his eyes.

"I have no doubts about that Jacob." My dad said quietly sighing. "But I think that should be further into the future, you have an eternity and when the time is right, you will have my support."

I frowned, "What are you talking about?"

Jacob rolled his eyes and picked up my hand. "I never though about a family before, I wasn't even sure it was possible, it's just knowing what could be . . ." Jacob looked to my dad, once and he grinned playfully. "_In the future_, it makes me happy."

I smiled at him and squeezed his hand gently. I couldn't really say I had never thought about a family with him, I had. I just never expected to be talking about it now; I hadn't even finished my first run of high school. I was, in essence, nine years old, and we had an eternity ahead of us.

"Please don't make me a grandmother at twenty-seven." my mom laughed, rubbing my fathers shoulder.

"My point is, practice safe sex." my dad reiterated with a resigned sigh. "In all honesty, I would prefer that you didn't have that level of intimacy yet . . ."

My mom cut off my dad abruptly when she pushed his shoulder gently in warning. He sighed frustrated.

"Please, for the love of all that's holy, restrain yourselves when your in this house and keep your thoughts clean." he finished gently rubbing his forehead, his eyes on Jacob.

I could still feel the bright blush on my skin, and it had intensified with his words. I just wanted to get out of there. It was possibly the most embarrassing and unusual conversation I had ever been engaged in.

"You can go if you'd like, I think we've hit on the main points," my dad whispered quietly.

Jacob and I shot out of the chairs and headed towards the door. I stepped out and dragged in a deep breath, thankful that we'd been able to escape alive.

"Oh, Jacob," My dad's voice rang out of the open door and we both froze. Jacob was the first to move and stepped back to look into the room.

"Carlisle and I were able to arrange it. You have the green light." My dad's voice was a little lighter now, not weighed down by the tediousness of the previous conversation. I had no idea what he was talking about and frowned at Jacob. He was grinning widely.

"Thanks Edward I really appreciate it."

There was silence from the room, and I imagined the two were having a silent conversation. My dad's gentle chuckle emanated from the room. "Yes, I believe she has."

"Thank you," Jacob turned quickly and sidled up beside me, grasping my hand in his.

"What was _that_ about?"

Jacob chuckled and pulled me outside of the house and sat me on the porch steps. He perched himself beside me as his tall frame turned so he was facing me. I let one of my legs slide between his two long ones as I mirrored his actions. My curiosity was piquing.

Jacob picked up my hand and took a deep breath; his deep brown eyes twinkled playfully in the afternoon light. I would have spent more time drinking it in but I wanted to know what the hell was going on.

"I was going to ask you before, but I wasn't sure it could be arranged so I held off until I had confirmation."

"You may as well be talking mandarin, Jacob, that clarified nothing." I giggled.

"Oh right, let me get to the point. I want to take you to prom, it's your first high school experience and I know this is all part of that and, well now your back at school, I figured you may want to do this. So I asked your dad and Carlisle to see if they could swing a miracle so Seth and I could go, they did it so I'm asking you." He spoke quickly and low, but I understood every word. A smile broke free from me and I couldn't help but fling myself into his arms.

I couldn't believe my luck, not only did I have the perfect man, he was also considerate and did everything he could to help me fit in and feel normal. Prom was the quintessential height of normalcy, and he was giving that to me because he loved me.

"Ness?"

"Oh, sorry," I grinned and fell back to sitting on the step, holding his hands in mine as my thumb traced small circles on the backs of his hands. "I would love to Jake, thank you."

He grinned widely and leaned in to kiss me gently; unfortunately, these days gentle kisses never lasted long. My arms wrapped tightly around his neck, holding him to me as I brushed my tongue against his bottom lip. He chuckled lightly, pulling away, and cupping my cheeks with his large warm hands. My bottom lip pushed out, that was the opposite reaction to what I was aiming for.

"Behave, you just told your dad you would, and here you are trying to seduce me," he grinned.

I rolled my eyes but laughed all the same, typical Jacob. Now I had to find a dress. "I better get to shopping."

"Alice has it covered." He grinned, winking at me.

"Wow, you really did have this all planned out, didn't you."

"I did; Alice is a godsend when you need something like this arranged."

I laughed at the admission. Alice was an amazing and talented coconspirator. She could organize anything at the drop of a hat, and now I was desperate to see what she had for me. I grinned at Jacob.

"Go," he laughed, "Go do your girly thing, I have to phase and check out what's going on anyway."

***

So, here I stood, in front of a large ornate mirror in Alice's room, in my beautiful prom dress, with my two best friends and family surrounding me. Alice being Alice - had ordered Orion and Anna dresses as well - the woman never did things in halves and I don't really think I expected her to. Anna was obviously going with Seth, and oddly it wasn't that big of a surprise Orion was going with Matthew.

Rosalie was manned with a camera, flitting around the room, taking a picture at every angle she could think of, my cheeks were beginning to hurt from smiling so much. Not that I was complaining, everyone had put so much effort into this.

My attention was diverted when I heard a car turning off the main road, and my stomach flipped gently.

"They're here,"

Anna squealed with delight and looked ridiculous dancing around in her haute couture prom dress. I couldn't help but laugh as she held on to the chest of her crimson gown to stop herself from falling out.

Alice was a genius. Each of us had on amazing dresses, the colors seemed to match our skin tones amazingly well, and our make up and accessories all matched beautifully.

"The three of you are a vision." Esme sighed gently, as she hugged into us for yet another picture.

"Of course they are," Alice, laughed, "They had my help."

The roar of the car engine became louder as the car pulled to a stop outside the house. Orion skipped to the window to see if she could see anything past the balcony. Her light giggle pulled our attention from our last minute arranging and we all joined her at the window.

I couldn't help but smile, "Alice . . ."

"Seattle," she mused playfully, "gave them a little extra for their long drive. Luckily the boys all got ready at Matthew's, sure would be a long drive from La Push with a human behind the helm."

I could only see the top of the long car as it sat idling at the front of the house. Stretch was an understatement. This Hummer had trouble in our long driveway. The sleek white body took up a lot of space and I could only venture a guess at where the driver would turn around.

A light tap at the door pulled our attention away from the sight.

"Girls . . . oh my," Carlisle's smile was wide and genuine as he appraised us. "You look amazing, all three of you. Alice, you've outdone yourself!" he exclaimed happily.

Alice lit up like a Christmas tree and curtsied gracefully, "Why thank you Carlisle, I was fortunate enough to have three stunning women, that really didn't need much work at all."

Laughter danced throughout the room as we were herded from it. I wasn't sure if the other two felt as nervous as I did, but I was on edge. It was the first time any of us had attended a school function and quite honestly it terrified me.

We made our way down the stairs in pairs, all three guys looked amazing in their tuxedos and stared up at us in awe. Jacob looked as though his jaw was detached, as his mouth hung open in what I hoped was approval.

My dad chuckled gently and nudged Jacob with his elbow. Jacob's smile shone as he stepped forward and offered me his hand for the last three steps. I took it lightly and danced down the rest of the stairs, stopping in front of him.

"Nessie, you look . . . wow."

I giggled and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling myself into him. His scent filled my senses and I could do nothing but smile as it brought a familiar wave of calm over me. His hand was placed on my back as his thumb traced the bare skin above my dress lovingly.

"Pictures," Rosalie sang, she'd been a part of the merriment all day, but this happy go lucky side of her was her acting human for Matthew.

All six of us posed numerous times on the staircase before moving outside in front of the limo. It was the most normal thing I had ever done, and it felt almost surreal. Alice pushed a small purse that would hang around my wrist at me and grinned.

"There's a camera inside, as well as a credit car and your cell phone." She winked at me once before stepping away and I didn't miss the look my dad gave her before he swooped in to hug me.

We all piled into the vehicle with an air of excitement, the family was stepping back towards the house as the car began moving. As soon as we started moving down the driveway, Matthew let out a loaded breath.

"That was intense."

All five of us laughed at him joyfully as he sat confused, staring at us as though we'd lost our minds. I often forgot how intimidating my family was. Unknowingly, Matthew had literally just been among a coven of vampires. He was, of course the only one not in on that little secret.

He pulled Orion's hand into his own and smiled gently at her; I was always amazed how easy it was to block his scent now. There was always the slight discomfort when he got too close, but it was more bearable than I could have imagined. It was like a nagging in my subconscious, it was always there, always screaming, but I could push it to the wayside and distract myself. It wasn't painful anymore, just delicious.

Jacob's fingers ran up and down the crease of my forehead pulling me from my thoughts. "What are you thinking about so hard?"

"Just how much things have changed," I said pointedly, leaning in to rest my head on his chest, His musky woodsy smell calming my mind.

"Mmm," He hummed thoughtfully, and he rubbed me arm gently with his knuckles. "You think Palmer will give us a hard time?"

Matthew laughed lightly as his hand moved around Orion's shoulder. Her eyes sparkled as she leaned into him slowly. "I have Palmer under control," he smirked, before looking down into Orion's eyes. "He won't be a problem."

"What did you do?" Seth laughed, honestly curious as to how Matthew of all people could distract the one person who made our lives hell. Matthew had been included in that as soon as he began sitting with us at lunch.

"Let's just say my cousin, Jason, is amusing himself while he's here. He is Sarah Long's date, Tommy was pissed." Matthew laughed, playing with Orion's fingers gently. "I was covering up for his crap before I got expelled, so he's promised to keep Palmer off our backs."

I raised my eyebrows and couldn't help laughing; all of the rumors that had preceded him had been full of misinformation. I guess it didn't hurt his reputation starting at a new school, but it still amused me he felt the need to be that honest with us.

"Tommy has a thing for Long?" Anna laughed; Sarah had been one of her friends before I tainted her name.

"Has for years apparently, he just never had the balls to do anything about it?"

"Sarah has had a crush on him since junior high," Anna laughed gleefully, Sarah Long had been a pain in our asses for years; her mouth was the biggest rumor mill besides Tommy's, so knowing that the two of them had suffered because of their inability to have a conversation made us feel a little better about it all.

The limo pulled up outside the only hotel in town and we all climbed out slowly, looking around the array of colors that were filing in through the front doors. Everyone stopped and stared as we made our way to the building. It was blatantly obvious we were the only ones not wearing off the rack dresses; it was made even more prevalent because they were haute couture.

Immediately, I felt Jacob's arms wrap around my waist and consequentially, I was pulled into his chest. The bare part of my back felt his body heat through his shirt. Matthew was stood beside Orion, but I didn't miss his arm snaking around her waist and pulling her into his side. She giggled and leaned into him, her face glowing.

Our small group seemed to take a collective breath as we started forwards again, and as difficult as it was to walk with my back pressed against Jacob's chest, I didn't complain once, I liked being this close to him. The music was spilling out of the building and we could already see the residual hues of the colored lights as they danced around the only room large enough to hold us all.

Unexplainably, my nerves piqued as we entered. Why I was suddenly concerned with how people perceived me was beyond me. I hadn't cared in four years.

"Ness, honey you're shaking. Are you alright?" Jacob whispered into my ear as we stopped in the lobby and waited for our picture to be taken.

"I'm fine," I answered trying to keep the wavering from my voice.

The six of us had decided on a group shot because we wanted to remember this night, so we made our poses unconventional and laughed at the screen as the photographer showed us what he had. It was perfect. It seemed to encapsulate us, goofy and uncaring.

We finally made our way into the large darkened room and laughed. It looked like someone had thrown up in the room with the plethora of colors swirling around. The people on the dance floor were swaying with the slow track that was playing and before I knew what was happening, Jacob dragged me to the center of the floor and spun me until my face was laid on his chest and we were swaying in time to the music.

"You don't waste any time do you Mr. Black?" I giggled, leaning back so I could see his face.

He smiled back at me, his white teeth gleaming in the colored lights. I knew undoubtedly I would never stop being amazed by this man; he was everything to me. My heart beat faster when I saw his face, my stomach still fluttered when he looked at me; I knew I would never lose that.

"What are you thinking about?"

"You, and how you make me feel," I answered honestly.

He chuckled lightly and pulled me back into his chest, pressing a light kiss to my forehead. We danced in silence for a while, just enjoying one another's company, the music wasn't our usual choice but it was fitting for the environment we were in.

When the faster music started we made our way to the table that the rest of our group was sat at. I almost groaned when we approached. Principal Palmer was stood not far from the table, his eyes flickering between Jake and I and Seth, so much for his distraction.

Jacob slid into a seat and I moved to sit in a seat of my own, but he pulled me into his lap, chuckling while the principal's eyes almost bugged out of his head. He was doing it on purpose.

"Don't worry," Matthew leaned in and grinned, "He won't be there long."

I raised my eyebrows, I wasn't sure what Matthew had planned but the sly smirk he was wearing told me he had things covered. It wasn't long until his plan of action seemed to take effect. The principal's eyes roamed from us occasionally, and the second or third time he did so, he eyes stayed trained on something on the other side of the room.

Before he pushed off the wall he gave us one last glance and stormed off into the crowded dance floor. All of our eyes followed him as he weaved through the dancers to the couple in the middle. The girl was Sarah long, and the guy, I assumed, was Matthew's cousin, he looked similar to Matthew, raven black hair, slightly longer than Matthew's, same pale skin, but his eyes were brown and differently shaped. He was grinding into Sarah; his hands were gently riding up her short dress, gripping her legs as she rubbed against him.

Principal Palmer approached them, his face beet red as his anger seeped through his pores. I could see him trying to talk calmly to the boy, but it was evident he couldn't hear himself think, let alone hear Jason's answer. He pointed to the doors, and Jason grabbed Sarah's hand and pulled her towards it. On his way out, he pulled out a cigarette and flipped it into his mouth.

The three of them disappeared through the door and our table erupted into laughter.

"I knew it wouldn't take much," Matthew laughed, "The guy broke up Tommy and the chick he's with, because he couldn't see an inch of air between them."

"Your cousin did that on purpose?" Orion asked, her eyes still on the door, full of disbelief.

"Jason likes testing boundaries, he'll be doing it all night now. Palmer won't throw them out because it's the Sheriff's daughter, he doesn't wanna have to deal with that."

As the music shifted once again, Seth got out of his seat and opened up his hand to me. I kissed Jacob on the cheek and took Seth's hand, letting him lead me to the edge of the floor.

"What's this all about?" I giggled, after he swirled me around playfully.

"Can't a uncle dance with his niece?"

"That's still so weird to me." I laughed, "I prefer to think of you as a brother."

"Then so be it. Sam wanted me to let you know that the present is almost finished . . ." Seth said eyeing Jacob cautiously. I followed his line of sight to Jacob and laughed at the frown he was wearing. "He's mad."

"He shouldn't be eavesdropping then." I laughed, noting his eye roll before turning back to the conversation with the others. Seth danced us to the other side of the floor and stopped, keeping his eyes on our table.

"Jacob,"

I looked across to the table but there was no reaction. I winked at Seth once, knowing exactly how to test the boundaries.

"Oh no," I feigned anxiety and waited for a reaction but there was nothing. "Is that my dad?"

Jacob's head turned to the entrance and I smirked, winking at Seth. Jacob's eyes moved over to me and he scowled. He'd been trying to figure out what was going on for weeks, but I wouldn't relent; neither would anyone else. Seth had been keeping his thoughts away from it while they were phased together.

Seth danced us next to one of the oversized speakers, and pulled me behind it. He smiled at his own genius. I couldn't help but laugh at his intense look of pride.

"Look, Jake keeps trying to harass us all into telling him what's going on, Leah has threatened them all with death if they relent, so out of fear they have kept their mouths shut."

"Leah's helping out?"

"Jake didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Leah's dating . . ." Seth hesitated and sighed in resignation once my eyes narrowed. "She's dating Embry, they both know what's at stake and what'll happen if they imprint, so they're giving it a go."

"Embry?"

"That's why they both disappeared on their own after the unity bonfire."

"They've been together that long?"

"Yeah, but they just went public, so if you bump into them on the rez, don't stare. Leah's been oddly nice and happy with the exception to the staring; it's strange to say the least. Anna and I have stopped going to her place, they're . . . eh, not hiding it anymore."

"Oh god . . ." The hesitance had told me everything I needed to know and my mind went places I really didn't want them to.

"Yeah, exactly." Seth laughed. "Just act as though it's nothing new, Leah gets snappy when people make a big deal about it. Oh and don't tell Jake I told you, he wanted to give them privacy so asked us not to discuss it."

"Hey,"

Seth and I jumped as the voice rose above the music of the speaker, Anna laughed, clutching at her sides. It was probably the first time she'd got anywhere close to scaring a wolf or a vampire.

"Anna, you scared the life outta me," Seth said pulling her into his arms and kissing her neck.

"Jake is being all grumpy and Matt's making puppy eyes at Orion, so I figured I'd come join the conspiracy." She laughed again, cuddling into Seth's chest. "What were you talking about, Jake's birthday or Leah and Embry?"

"Both," Seth laughed, resting his chin on the top of her head.

"And I missed it all," she said, jutting out her bottom lip. "Weird huh,"

"Very," I laughed, almost shaking my head in disbelief. "But it makes sense, neither of them can be too hurt if the other imprints because they both have the same fate."

"Exactly, it's still a little awkward to see them together though."

"They look cute together Seth," Anna said slapping him gently. When their eyes met I knew I needed to make an excuse to get out of there.

"We'd better get back before Jacob blows a fuse." I laughed, stepping out from behind the speaker.

I made my way back to the table, leaving Seth and Anna behind knowing they would take advantage of the private corner. As I made my way through the dance floor I noticed Jacob wasn't at the table. My eyes moved over the top of the crowd, knowing he would tower above everyone. Still, I couldn't see him.

Then, I felt his long arms wrap around my waist, and a smile spread across my lips.

"Where have been beautiful?"

"Conspiring with my uncle," I laughed, "Nice try with the not hearing us trick by the way."

"You catch me every time," he chuckled, spinning me around and into his chest. His warm breath danced along my neck, making me shiver in delight. "You wanna share?"

"What, and ruin the surprise? I don't think so; I'm not the only one in this thing. You only have a month left to wait. You need to be patient."

He growled playfully at me as his lips brushed against my collarbone. I smiled; this had been my favorite part of teasing him with his birthday. He tried to convince me with affection. I could have told him that I did it purposefully, but where would the fun in that be?

"Ness," his voice was deep, and full of emotion.

"Mmm Hmm?"

"Tell me what you're planning,"

I laughed gently, running my fingers through his hair. "Nope."

Jacob laughed and stood up straight, he was pushing his bottom lip out in an adorable pout. I let my eyes roam to make sure no one was looking before pushing myself up on my toes and taking the protruding flesh gently between my teeth.

Jacob growled and pulled me tight against him, I could feel what he was trying to hide and I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Crap!" his voice broke into a rough deep growl.

"Sorry," I whispered kissing his lips softly. "But you asked for it."

Jacob trailed his lips along my jaw and took my earlobe in his mouth sucking gently. "You'll pay for that Renesmee Cullen."

I swallowed once as the familiar tingling ran throughout my body . . . I sincerely hoped I would.

* * *

**A/N: Okay only a two part epilogue left ;0) Hope you weren't too disappointed about the lack of drama. I think the last chapter really pulled everything together and I really wanted things to end on a happy note, a picture of all three of the girls dresses are on my profile for your viewing pleasure.**

**The song for this chapter is A LITTLE BETTER by GNARLS BARKLEY, it's not on my website yet, I have been slacking, but it should be up within the next couple of days ;)**

**Thank you to Vicki who has literally read every page, even the ones I have scrapped of this story. She's encouraged me all the way along. Thank you also to goldentemptress who has become an amazing friend. She's a super talented writer also. Our new story collaboration Socks for Sex is on her page, there is a link on my profile.**

**Thanks for all the alerts and faves . . . AND THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO SERIOUSLY GIVE ME THE INSPIRATION TO KEEP WRITING . . . YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING, I LOVE YOU ALL AND YOU TOTALLY ROCK!**

**TILL TUESDAY – MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGZ – L – **


	43. Epilogue: Heartbeat

_**All things Twilight belong to the amazing Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**

* * *

**_**Epilogue: Heartbeat **

**JUNE**

"Keep them closed Jacob, my dad will not hesitate to tell me if you're peeking," I laughed gently, winking at my dad. It was Jacob's birthday and my dad and mom, were helping make the surprise even bigger.

Everyone else was already at the location waiting for us and I was buzzing with excitement, I had been for days. Jacob had been threatening to tie me down so I wouldn't float away. Since the prom, things between us had been playful and I found myself enjoying the teasing, and, of course, his persuasion.

The events with the Volturi were still fresh in our minds, but Paul had made a full recovery. Rachel had been frantic for the days he'd been bandaged and bound, but when he had miraculously healed after only three days, she realized how lucky he had been. She was still trying to get him to switch to Jacob's pack because she believed her brother would take better care of the man she loved.

Jacob had sided with Paul on that argument, the two got along, but being part of the same pack would drive them both crazy. There would be fights and arguments and both men knew that. Paul was happy with Sam, he didn't blame him for what happened in the forest that day, he blamed himself.

The family had been putting all of their efforts together for today, and I was amazed at what they had been able to do. In three months, they had pulled off the impossible and I hoped Jacob would love it as much as I did. My family never ceased to amaze me, and I could never thank them enough for this, I didn't even know where to start.

"Jacob," My dad's voice pulled me from my reverie and I couldn't help but laugh at him. He'd spread his fingers across his face to show he was very obviously looking.

"You asked for it buddy." I laughed pulling out the scarf I had brought with me, I knew he couldn't be trusted when it came to surprises, he was impatient and excitable. I leaned forward and kissed his nose as I covered his eyes up with the material. I crossed it at the back of his head and pulled it back around to the front, tying it gently over his eyes, so even with his enhanced vision it would be difficult to see through.

"Is this really necessary?"

"Yes," all three of us answered in a chorus and Jacob held up his hands in surrender. I hoped that meant he would stop trying to fight this.

"Jacob Black, so help me god . . ." My dad's voice was almost pained and I could see the scrunching of his forehead in the rearview mirror. This had also become a familiar sight. Jacob often "_forgot_" about his thoughts around my dad.

I slapped him in the chest and he caught my arms, pulling me into his lap. His mouth moved to my ear and I shivered gently. "You know being blindfolded around your aggravated dad, doesn't give me much confidence." he whispered, it was followed by a light chuckle from the front seat.

I stroked Jacob's face gently with my fingers, and reveled in the slight shudder of enjoyment that ran through him.

"Nessie, if I have to pull you over and sit you up front I will," my dad growled, it was followed with Jacob's chuckle. Life was getting interesting. I slid from Jacob's lap and settled myself on my side of the car, laughing as Jacob's bottom lip pushed out. I had seen my dad's knuckles turning white on the steering wheel and my mom trying to calm him as she rested her hand on his leg. I didn't want to push him.

"Thank you," his voice made me smile, it was so easy to apologize with his gift.

We rode in silence for a while and eventually, we turned onto the stretch of highway that took us to La Push. My entire body was trembling with anticipation now. I hoped he liked his gift, my whole family had put so much effort into this, and my small scale project had turned into something much bigger, thanks mostly to Rosalie.

"Why are we in La Push?" Jacob asked grinning. My heart stopped and I pulled his face towards mine, examining the make-shift blindfold.

"Can you see, Jake?"

"No, but I can smell," he laughed playfully grabbing at the air where my arms had been. I huddled into the corner hiding from him with a devious smile on my face.

"Well then, you just have to wait, birthday boy." I laughed. He'd wanted to drive us himself, but I had refused because I planned on blindfolding him from the beginning, knowing he wouldn't wait patiently for us to get there.

The further we drove the more perplexed his face became. He knew this place so well, I had an idea he could feel where we were going through the bumps in the road. As the thought crossed my mind, my dad verged onto the grass. Jacob chuckled once, and my dad sighed in resignation and pulled back onto the road.

"It's where I learnt to drive," He laughed, I scowled and pinched him for being such a know-it-all. Jacob's arms immediately flew to his chest, his palms facing up in defense as he laughed.

The car rolled quietly over the ground towards the spot I had frequented until a couple of weeks ago, the family had banned me from coming because they wanted the end result to be just as much of a surprise for me, so I was just as excited as Jacob was, maybe more so, because I knew what was going to be there waiting for us.

We pulled onto the road, that lead to where the surprise was waiting, and Jacob's brow raised slightly. He knew where we were.

"Bella?"

"I know," she giggled playfully turning in her seat. She had been the one to choose the spot and I guessed that it all stemmed from something that had happened long before I was even thought about. A wave of nostalgia passed across her serene face and she rubbed my dad's shoulder gently as she winked at me.

I sighed once, it didn't bother me that they had a whole life before me, in fact, I was often glad that they did, because it secured Jacob's place in my life. I just didn't like not knowing, being left out of the loop, it sometime felt as though things were being kept from me.

"This is where they rode the motorcycles for the first time." My dad said quietly, answering my thoughts for the umpteenth time today.

I had been told that story before, it was what had brought them together as friends. It was in the period my mom referred to as the dark smudge of her life, it was the one time my father left her, all in the name of protection. I just hadn't known this was the spot that it had happened in.

"It's also where she saw us phase for the first time." Jacob laughed, feeling along the seat looking for my hand. I placed my hand on top of his, effectively stopping his search. I smiled gently, him looking for my touch meant he wanted to share that with me.

"It's where you and Paul got into the fight," she laughed, "I was terrified, but Embry and Jared just ushered me into the truck with a laugh and drove me to Emily's. They made a bet on whether I was going to throw up or not."

"You never told me that." Jacob chuckled, as his fingers wound through mine.

"It wasn't important at the time," my mom added, her eyes gaining a soft blankness as she reminisced.

My dad and I stayed silent as the exchange continued, I could see the family standing out by the road ahead of us and my entire body built up with excitement, they were talking about cliff diving when we pulled up and my dad's face was almost stoic; I imagined it was the reference to my mom's dabbling in extreme sports that had caused the reaction.

He put the car in park and opened the door slowly, my mom followed him out, leaving Jacob and I in the back seat. I had a speech prepared and they wanted to give me a little privacy to get it out. I took Jacob's hands in my own and shuffled towards him so my face was only inches from his. I could feel his breath dancing across my face as he waited from me to do or say something.

"Jake, I know it's been a hard couple of months for us, and I also know I didn't handle it all that well. I've always known you're the only one I have ever even dreamed of being with, and now, after everything that's happened, I will never let my self-doubt get in the way again."

Jacob kissed the palm of my hands with a soft smile painted on his lips, he didn't speak though, I was sure he sensed I hadn't finished.

"You have been there for me my entire life, even when I was so young, you watched over me like a protector, you became a guardian as I traveled, a friend when I needed one the most, and now, you are the love of my existence. I have taken so much, and never taken the opportunity to give." I grinned and pushed the door open behind me. I tugged on his hands letting him know to slide forward, and he complied slowly, trusting my ability to help him out without injury.

"So," I grinned, as his head cleared the frame of the car and he rose to his full height. "I got everyone together and we have a gift for you. It's something we hope will let you know how much you mean to us."

"Can I take this thing off?" Jacob whispered, and the entire group that was stood not far from us laughed gently.

"No, not yet," I smiled, "Let me get you where I want you and you can take it off."

"Jacob!" My dad exclaimed with a frustrated sigh, and Jake's face scrunched up a little.

"Sorry Edward, didn't see you there!" He chuckled.

The group laughed again and my mom bumped her shoulder against my dad's with a little grin. He rolled his eyes and kissed her collar bone lightly.

As I approached, my eyes bulged. The last time I had been here, it was close to being finished, but this was amazing. The house and attached garage were made from natural stone, that sat against the tree line, complimenting it rather than sticking out. The wooden steps led up to a comfortable porch with a swing hanging from it's rafters on one side of the door and rocking chairs on the other.

The porch on the top floor had a roof that cover the two chaise lounges that sat up there. The tall windows reflected the cliffs and ocean from them and I could only imagine the view from them. On either side of the porch steps, neat flower beds sat with fresh mulch and wild flowers, the arched towards the natural stone walkway that led to the garage.

The newest addition, the one I hadn't seen, sat about forty feet past the garage, hidden behind a generous row of trees and it brought tears to my eyes. A small professional looking building stood ready, filled with, I was sure, everything a mechanic needed to work. A small sign stood at the edge of the road, that pulled a small squeak from my throat. It read:

**Black's Auto Shop.**

"Ness?" Jacob sounded a little worried and I giggled once to let him know everything was fine.

I didn't even realize my hand sat at my throat, this was a complete surprise and it completely touched me that each of these people seemed to love him just as much as I did. Rosalie, Alice, Esme, Orion, my mom, and every other female seemed to look as though they were about to cry. I mouthed a thank you and moved my hand to where it was over my heart, and every one of them nodded gently at me all with smiles that could win over a country.

I tried to catch my breath as I gently cupped Jacob's hand in my face. I positioned him so he could see everything and rolled up onto my toes, I brushed my lips against his and a smile that lit up my world formed. Both of my hands moved to the small knot on the front of the scarf and began untying them. Before I pulled it away completely, I moved my mouth towards his ear.

"Happy Birthday, Jake," I whispered and pulled the blindfold away as I rolled back onto my heels and stepped away.

A gush of air whooshed from his lungs as the sight penetrated his mind. His mouth fell open and stayed that way as his eyes roamed the scene, and he was just looking at the house. I giggled once and stepped forward, my hand cupped his broad jaw and turned his face in the direction of the sign. His warm brown eyes welled with tears and my heart almost exploded in my chest with joy.

I took another step back, but before I could manage another, I was wrapped tightly against his chest and his head was buried deep into my hair. "What did you do?"

"Happy birthday," was the only thing I could say as the exultance of the situation swept through me.

I buried my face in his chest as the tears of joy overflowed from my eyes.

"Are you serious?" he laughed, and I felt his head turn to the group that stood not far from us. Everyone was there, my family, the large La Push family, everyone that meant something to us. Sam had been the one to get the planning permission from both the city and the tribal elders. It was the foundation to our surprise, Esme had designed the house and Rosalie had insisted on the square footage and second floor. Alice had decorated of course, although I was not allowed to see the finished result.

"Happy Birthday," The entire group chorused together, and I giggled into Jacob's chest as his arms tightened around me.

"This is a joke right?"

"Jacob," I sighed and pulled back to look up at him, his eyes met mine and I could see the happiness emanating from them. His bent his head and brushed his lips against mine, before leaning his forehead against my own.

"Why did you do this, beautiful?"

"I came up with the idea when . . ." I stopped myself in both my mind and my mouth before I pissed my dad off again. I brought up everything we'd all been trying so hard to come up with. "I wanted you to have somewhere that reflected you, that you would call home, so I went to the people we love the most for help, and they were all willing. Everyone had a part in this."

"You're seriously giving me a house and business for my birthday?" Jake laughed, still a little perplexed by the gesture. He looked so unsure I just wanted to laugh, I had never seen him so . . . well, speechless.

"Yes, Jacob," Rosalie said rolling her eyes, "Why else would we put your name on the sign, you moron?"

Jacob laughed and winked at my aunt, a huge smile was now plastered across his lips and I noted the slight trembling in his entire body. He was overwhelmed. "Thanks, Rosalie,"

"Anytime, now go look inside," she smiled, and cuddled into Emmett's side.

My dad tossed a set of keys and Jacob caught them perfectly with the hand that wasn't wrapped around me. I had a feeling he wouldn't be letting me go anytime soon. He pulled us towards the house and climbed the steps with a slight look of awe still plastered on his face. He looked down at me again when we reached the top and I nodded to the door.

"This is insane," he mumbled as the key slid perfectly into the lock and clicked as the barrel retracted from it's position. He turned the handle and pushed the door open, but didn't move from the spot he was stood in.

I peeked pat him into the house and smiled, Alice had done her magic, yet again. The room was open and bright the warm tones painted on the wall matched the furnishings perfectly. Above the fireplace to the right was a huge flat screen television, while the rest of the electronics sat neatly on the bookshelves built around them. The rest of the shelves were filled with pictures of us, and all our friends and family.

All of the furniture looked comfortably over stuffed and sat in a circle around the focal point. Each piece seemed to scream Jacob, which was what I had been going for all along. I knew the main couch had been custom made because it was long enough for Jacob to lay on completely flat, and wide enough to seriously spread out while doing so.

To the left was a dining room with a table and chairs, and much to my embarrassment, the focal point was a picture I had painted when I was still a child. Beyond that was the kitchen, it was beautiful, all black and chrome. It was huge, an island sat in the middle, and it had two stools on either side.

The staircase sat in the middle and beside it a small hallway led to a couple of doors behind it. Esme had designed it so that Seth could live here as well, so she'd created two masters, also adding two guest rooms to the upstairs.

Jacob still stood frozen in the door, and I nudged him gently to get him moving again. He stepped into the large open room, his jaw once again close to hitting the floor. His eye moved to the couch again and his grin spread broadly across his face. He turned and smiled at Alice, who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Alice, I can't believe you did this."

Alice beamed, she should have known any one of us could detect her handy work. "Well, it's designed for comfort, and you're so tall I figured you'd need something to stretch out on."

"All of you, thank you so much, I really don't know what to say."

"Finish looking around before you say anything," Rosalie laughed, the happiness of it all seemed to be infectious.

"Right," Jacob chuckled picking up my hand again. He made his way to the stairs, but walked down the side of them to the doors. He pushed each door open. The first was a half bath, followed by a closet and the laundry room. The last was a large suite, with an en-suite bathroom.

"This is Seth's room," I whispered, he hadn't been informed about his new roommate yet. "I figured you wouldn't mind."

"Of course not, it's too much space for just me and you," he laughed playfully.

I giggled, I wouldn't officially be moving in, at least not for a while, but he knew I would be here when he was. He pulled the door closed and moved back into the main room. Seth smiled happily, he hadn't moved anything in here yet, because he wanted Jacob's approval first.

Jacob made his way up the stairs slowly, with me by his side. He was mumbling under his breath and I really couldn't make out anything he was saying. I understood the context though, he was amazed.

He stopped at the top of the stairs and smiled. There were three door on one wall and just one on the other, he opened the three first. There was a guest bathroom and two bedrooms, one had some office equipment in and the other had a king sized bed and every other furnishing you could imagine.

He stepped out of the room and pulled the door closed again. He turned in a full circle and pushed the solitary door on the other wall open and stepped into a huge suite. It looked like an apartment it was so big. The natural wood bed was huge and I knew immediately that this too was special ordered and custom made for Jacob's large frame, I had seen the same in Seth's room.

The rest of the room was set up with couches and comfortable chairs with a flat screen and video games. I could see the master bath nested to the side, the door was open and I could see the marble finish of the shower and sink. There was a door next to it, which I knew to be the closet. Alice had probably filled it to the brim with clothes, not only for Jacob, but for myself as well.

I was starting to understand why Jacob felt so overwhelmed, it was starting to effect me just as much. My curiosity got the better of me and I walked towards the closet door and pulled it open. I was right of course, the thing was monstrous and held almost anything you could imagine clothes wise.

I pushed the door closed and examined the room again, smiling at the pictures of Jake and I that seemed to adorn every flat surface in the room. It was beautiful. As I made a full circle, I noticed Jacob sat on the edge of the bed with his head in hands.

I danced towards him and kneeled, letting my hands rest on his knees as I waited for him to look at me.

"Hey," I whispered, my thumb tracing light circles over the denim on his knees. "Jake, what's the matter?"

Jacob's head rose slowly from his hands, and he leaned into me, our foreheads once again touching, his breath was shallow and nervous, but there was a faint trace of a smile on his lips. "It's just so much to take in."

I giggled once, pressing my lips against his. "I know you're overwhelmed, but everything in this house was built with you in mind. It was built out of love. Every single person downstairs wanted to be a part of this because they love you."

"It's so big,"

"You can thank Rosalie and Emmett for that, Esme was going to build you something that resembled my parents cottage but they insisted that you needed more space."

"I'm starting to think she likes me."

"No I don't," her voice echoed from downstairs.

I laughed at that, I knew Rosalie liked him, she just wasn't the type to admit it. Jacob barked out a laugh and cupped my cheeks with his hands. He pressed another kiss to my lips and I hummed out my pleasure.

"Cut. It. Out." My dad's voice now filled the house, and I pulled away grinning.

"Did you notice how long the bed is?"

"Yeah I also noticed how wide it is," he chuckled. The bed was a square, when Alice had ordered it, she'd told me getting sheets made for a square bed was easier than the alternative, so the bed was almost seven feet long and seven feet wide. It was huge.

He stood up and moved around to the side of the bed climbing on top of the comforter with his hands behind his head. He still had extra space at the bottom. He patted the spot next to him and smiled. I moved to the other side of the bed and slid on top of the comforter just as he had.

"Nope, not gonna work," he sighed, looking over at me.

I widened my eyes, what the hell was he talking about? Before I could over analyze it all, he grinned again. "You're too far away honey."

I rolled my eyes and threw one of the beds many pillows in his direction. In one quick motion, he had me pinned to the bed, his nose only a half inch from mine as his eyes held mine captive. I was his prisoner and I happily would be for all eternity. It was ridiculous how much I loved this man.

"Miss Cullen, would you mind not throwing my pillows around. My dear friend Alice more than likely took a painstaking amount of time to arrange them to perfection, and there you go flinging them about haphazardly. What do you have to say for yourself woman?"

"Oh there's plenty of things I'd like to say to you Mr. Black, but now is neither the time nor the place," I smirked playfully, I slid out from underneath him and danced towards the door. Jacob collapsed onto the bed.

"Tease,"

I raised an eyebrow, turned and walked out of the room. Before I could even get through it, I felt his arms encircle my waist, pulling me back so my back was flush against his chest. I could feel his breath pushing the hair over my shoulder and I smiled.

"It's a good thing I'm a patient . . ."

"Dog!"

I laughed as for the second time within a matter of minutes my dad had to stop our conversation.

We made our way back to the group downstairs and starting mingling as the first birthday in Jacob's new house was kicked off. Esme and my mom pulled food from the refrigerator, as well as an enormous cake with Jacob's name perfectly scrawled in a scrip on the top, followed aptly by Happy Birthday.

It was a perfect afternoon, and as the evening drew in, the crowd slowly disappeared. All too soon it was just the Cullen clan and us. Even Seth and Anna had disappeared.

"Well, Jacob, happy birthday again, I'm so glad you liked your presents," Esme said gently, embracing him.

"Esme, all of you, I can't believe you did this. It's really too much."

"No, it's only shows a fraction of how much you mean to us, Jake. You're a part of this family and we love you." Esme scolded gently, this had been fun for her, she enjoyed projects like this.

Jacob smiled and hugged everyone while I sat on the Island in the center of the kitchen eating cake from the tray. My mom was laughing at me as I pigged out. She kissed me on the forehead once before giving Jacob one last hug. Jacob moved towards me and stepped in between my legs running his hands up and down my thighs as I fed him cake and licked icing from his top lip.

"Ahem,"

We were mid kiss when my dad cleared his throat, and I fought with everything I had not to let my internal dialogue run away with me, let alone let me roll my eyes. Jacob and I turned our heads to look at my dad. He hadn't moved from his spot at the dining room table. I thought he'd left with my mom.

"No, still here. I was thinking we could watch a movie or something," he said smiling brightly.

I looked at Jake from my peripheral vision and he looked as though he was trying not to laugh. It was kind of endearing that my dad was trying his best to stop the inevitable.

"Edward," My mom came back into the house looking highly amused. Her face fighting the smile that threatened to break free. "Will you hurry up, we've all decided to go hunting at goat rock since we're so close."

"I was thinking . . ."

"Edward . . ." My mom said rolling her eyes. "Leave them alone."

"Bella, I just thought it would be nice to spend time with Jacob on his birthday."

"I know what you were _thinking_ Edward Cullen. Nessie is an adult, you need to let her live her life."

My dad huffed the air out of his lungs and scowled. "She's still my little girl,"

I jumped off the counter and ran to him, throwing my arms around his cool neck. "I always will be dad."

He chuckled lightly and kissed me on the cheek before moving my arms from around his neck and standing up. His eyes moved once to Jacob and then back to me. He sighed again kissing me on the forehead.

"Happy Birthday, Jacob."

"Thanks Edward . . . For everything." Jacob said humbly.

My dad smiled and walked towards my mom picking her hand up before heading towards the door.

"Love you dad, mom."

"Love you too, kid." my dad said, then they disappeared.

I walked back towards the counter and hopped up on it again, waiting for the cars to start up, they did, but they idled with a gentle hum. I giggled and kissed Jacob again, they were probably just talking. I twined my arms around Jacob's neck, pulling him to me with my legs. We were finally alone.

"Damn, you two don't waste any time do you,"

My shoulders slumped as I fought the urge to throw the cake across the room at my uncle. When I opened my eyes, Emmett was stood by the door with a big grin spread across his face.

"Don't get wild and break something," he laughed, "I guess if you're like your parents we're safe, but if your anything like Rose and me . . ."

"Uncle Emmett . . ." I screamed, needing to wash my ears out with acid. That was a mental visual I never needed.

I heard a smack and looked over to see Emmett holding the back of his head and Rosalie standing next to him with her hands on her hips. "That's your niece, you idiot. Do you ever use that brain of yours Emmett Cullen? I know it's not your biggest asset but show some restraint."

"Rose,"

"Time to go, we're heading to goat rock."

Emmett smiled and winked at me before disappearing out the door. Rosalie smirked after him before turning around and eyeing the two of us again. I felt a little uncomfortable as she scrutinized my legs around Jacob's waist, so I let them drop. She smiled and nodded before heading out and pulling the door closed behind her.

Jacob and I stood completely still and waited until the roar engines disappeared towards La Push. As the silence surrounded us, we both broke into fits of giggles. It had just been one of those days.

I was still sat on the counter, but my head was now on Jacob's shoulder as my laughter finally quietened. Then the realization hit, we were finally alone. My breathing picked up a little as I ran my hands over his broad chest. I could hear his heart pounding at a quicker rate in his chest. We were finally alone, in Jacob's own house.

I pulled my head back from his chest and looked up at him. He leaned forward slowly, and waited as his lips touched mine, and then there I was, lost in every ounce of passion I had for him. As I fell into the moment one last coherent thought passed through my mind . . .

_This was my forever._

_

* * *

_**A/N: There you have it guys, the end. :( . . . I hope you enjoyed Jacob's gift, the second part of the epilogue will be posted later today, and I imagine you know where it's ending lol. It's a lemon. There's nothing pertinent to the story so if you don't want/need it, you don't have to read it ;).**

**This was the happiest ending I could think of for them. I actually cried while writing it and then again while editing. Told you I was a sap lol. **

**The song is HEARTBEAT by BLACKBUD . . . I will try and update my media player before the end of the week :)**

**There are literally hundreds of you I would like thank by name for following this but that would take all day, so know that I appreciate each and every one of you for reading this, and being here at the end of it all with me.**

**Reviewers, each and everyone of you have blown me away with your words, you are the most amazing people ever, you totally rock!! and I love you all ;)**

**The lemon will be up later this afternoon.**

**My next project is a sequel to Infinite Paths of Destiny; I've had quite a few request, so I decided I was going to go ahead and do it . . . I am going to be attempting both Bella and Edward's POV. **

**Not sure when it will be up, but I am hoping soon . . . I will miss you guys so much ;)**

**Much love and big hugz - L**


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